Nighthawk

I made this today, and it was really good. TSM gives me recipe ideas.

If celebrities didn't want people pawing through their garbage and saying they're gay, the shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively.

Oh, and a Residents tattoo would be pretty cool.

There's a few band related things I'd get tattoos of. I'd get a portrait of Christina Aguilera Possibly the Mayhem logo, or an image of Dead Things from these : the Mentors, Iggy Pop, Dee Dee Ramone, Throbbing Gristle The Prince symbol Starland Vocal Band ("They suck!") Not that I will get all of those, but I think I'd be ok with them. Fuck a Misfits tattoo, though. I mean, it's just been run into the ground. Friend of mine has the Black Flag bars, and he's apologetic about when you see it, he's like "Now I know what you're thinking, but look, I just really like Black Flag that much." And I told him "Dude, don't apologize. At least it's not a Misfits tattoo." Another guy I know has, I shit you not, the Breaking Benjamin logo. He is obviously not my friend.

I've taken to only buying really expensive alcohol so I don't drink as much of it. So I've had some Hennessy lately. It's pretty good.

God will, eventually.

I write primarily as a catharsis for myself, so I never particularly cared whether anyone else liked it. People seem to, though. I just don't really have the motivation to publish anything, although I have, it was just allowing someone else to do all the work. I'm probably more likely to make my name in pornography and then use that as a springboard to publish something, I don't feel like just being a nobody shopping stuff around. Which is another thing I'm awesome at: masturbating. I make myself cum so hard. I'm bad at relationships with girls, but the reason for that is I'm actually too good at them, and am out of everybody's league. I have a very bad sense of direction. I'll get lost like a motherfucker.

I am staggeringly apolitical. Remember, I'm a nihilist. You know what that does to politics? Kills 'em. I did vote for Bush in the second election, primarily as a joke. People despised him so much I thought it would be funny to point and laugh and say "I PUT HIM IN THE WHITE HOUSE!" Go to Hell, America! Fuck you. Jon, is this about that ex again? You're better than that. I love Jim Steinman, and I would die for him. Problems with computer. Updates may be infrequent. But I will do them. As for DXM stories, I will be populating my myspace blog with stories about fucked up shit. Watch!

It is true that you can't get experience without a job, and you can't get a job without experience. I hate mainstream employment. I have a job which is ok, but I really think I should be doing porn. Not acting in it, directing it and so forth. I just think I'd be really good at it. But how do I get started, with no experience, other than taping myself fucking my various attachments? Now that Ashley Blue and I are friends, I should probably ask her.

Are you gay? If you have seriously considered this and you aren't, that is terrible. Answer one: If this girl really loves you, she will take the time, try different things, and find what you need to get it up. Answer two: Name bran Viagra. If it fails, sue.

You can stay best friends, just don't be in a "three way relationship". You can even have three way sex, but doing that and just being friends is fucking hard, I wouldn't suggest trying it. You kind of have to be me to get away with that, and even I have pretty much given up on fucking friends because it just doesn't work out. Just let friends be all it is. All of my female friends, I have either fucked or aggresively hit on, and I do regret it. I have had to tell a couple of them I was in AA and at the ninth step and apologized to them so they would talk to me again. But it's hard, when you're used to every woman you know having sex with you, to stop it. It can be done, though. I told a friend of mine "Oh God, I need a girlfriend badly, so I can stop being such a degenerate." And he said "Alright, I get you. I'll try to hook you up with one of the girls I know, but you should know that I have dated most of them myself. Does that bother you?" And I said "You shitting me? I'm coming from a place where everyone who is female has fucked everyone who is male. Of course it doesn't bother me!"

AWESOME! Be sure to tell Becky that Milky heard about this exchange and sang "Kickstart My Heart" aloud in celebration. (Because I did.) The "WHOA! YEAH!" part anyway. PS/ Fuck these bitches raw before you back out of it. But then seriously do. I can tell just from that, it's going to blow up in your face. Also, if anyone else has ever had conversations about me in real life, tell me all about it. They'll go in the book. You can pm me, if you feel self-conscious.

YES! Post a detailed transcription.

I would guess that it's because you ask me a lot of questions in this thread, have said a couple times that I was on fire, and have begged me to come to the chat. No worries, though, I like it. Oh god, I love midget porn. Basically any kind of porn that is strange, either from the performers themselves or what they are doing, I love it. And midget porn is a favorite. I prefer the pathetically named Twidget the Midget myself. Cute redhead. Happens to be a midget. Bridget is great, though. To paraphrase Richard, I'd kill my mother for the chance to cum in Bridget's mouth. She hates her family, loves metal, has a spider tattoo, and is a god damn midget porn star. She's great. Take it. The job you have now, there's no room for advancement. Plus, shitty towns are often the best towns, if you get to know them. With all the fucking underage girls and such. Plus in England, legal is 16, so to you guys, fucking a 14 year old is like fucking a 16 year old over here.

Ok, let's do all these (I'm taking a break from watching Simpsons season 10 to do this, just so you guys know I love you) God and Raptor Jesus, easily. Bullshit. Remember, I'm just a nihilist under a different name. However, I agree with what Alan Moore said about magic: "Everything that anyone has said about magic true... if you accept that these things are happening in people's minds." So in that sense, they are true. I myself have done some of that, teleporting and manipulating my own body like a puppet, but nothing ever really happened. I deny and reject anything even slightly otherworldly. It's us and that's it. That's what I'm here for. If we get it wrong, I will take responsibility. Where's your Messiah now? I'm right here, bitches. This was from Woodson, Illinois. I was playing on a playground, the merry go round in fact, and I remember the ground was covered in wood chips, and it was overcast that day. And my dad yelled "Come on, Flapper!" and I jumped and ran and got in the car. He still calls me Flap/Flapper/Flappage to this day (actually it's usually Flappage, currently... I'll have to ask about the origin of that nickname). And that's the earliest thing I remember. He's not the first, and I hope he won't be the last. It's ok, I accept that there's just something about me that draws people to me. It's why I started that cult. Yes, I do. I really, seriously do. I love Disneyland, and I love you, Jon, and room and board is paid for? I'd be an idiot not to do this. This will be an event on the level of the Inc/Agent meeting. But Christ knows what I'll be doing in January, or what my disposable income will look like. So I'll have to get back to you on this. But if I can, I will. No human should deny the opportunity to celebrate their birthday at Disneyland. Disneyland is fucking awesome. Age: whatever. Disneyland is still fucking awesome.

I would leave it all to fucking orphans. Call me a pussy? Fuck you, they deserve it. My last meal is easy. White pizza from Grimaldi's in Brooklyn.

Jesus, we should rename this thread "Vanhalen tries to kill me". But I love it, don't take that to mean I want you to stop. I'd have Leena unbanned. I really do love her. Not in that "I love potato chips." way either, I really love her. Not in the boy/girl way, but she is spectacular. I've told her before, it came out in our cyber transripts: While I honestly can't say that I "love" you... And so on... I respect that we are thousands of miles from each other, but she is my ideal mate. If circumstances were different, god, I'd be all over that, but things are the way they are. And so, I allow cyber sex to be the extent of it. Does Dr. Phil have a site? I'm sure he does. If so, that one. Also, pervertedjustice. I hate them with every fiber of my being. I sincerely try to look at every poster as a human being. And as such, I hate nobody. I really don't. Remember Dids? He described me as non-judgemental to a fault. It's true. I will accept and try to be nice to damn near anybody.

That's a lot of questions. But here goes: My favorite NHB barred posters from the past is Leena. My favorite and least favorite gimmick posters are Metal Ed, for favorite. I knew people like that for real, and it busted me up. I mean, everyone knew it was Kinetic, but it was still funny. I also really love Frank Nabbit, and his multiply banned identities. The fact that Mole posted a thread about his dead mother, and Frank got the first response with "*unzips pants*" slays me. I'm really very sorry that I said that, Mole, if you read this, and I understand your grief, but just doing the absolute worst thing imaginable is really funny to me. Hell, Ashley Blue asked me if I was really a Nazi, for that reason. In fact, "Ashley Blue asked me if I was a Nazi." is the most absurd statement I can think of, yet is true, so I will make that my new motto. For least favorite, I didn't like ABOBO. I mean, I really did like ABOBO, but they pretty much outright stole the joke from me, so I am bitter. I stole it from Seanbaby, though, so I guess it's full circle. Eddie Winslow was cool, but didn't acknowledge that I rocked his face when I started posting (under my own account) as Bill Cosby, and in fact begged me to stop doing it. Princess Leena should be unbanned, because I really and truly like her. Ok, so I posted our cyber transcripts at the secret board, and then somebody from there posted them here when I gave out my password. I really didn't want that to happen. She should be honored, because the reason I was posting them was because I was proud. Everybody likes Leena, and I was like, "Look guys. I did what everybody wished they could, but didn't." She is totally awesome and I have nothing bad to say about her. I don't know, really, who Smues is, but he probably doesn't like you because you suck. I like you, though. I take back every bad thing I said about you. Lesson: Kissing my ass really works!

See, there's a whole other world out there which certain people just never see. I never see the absolute worst of it, either. And I never see the happy Christmas morning walking the dog hi honey shit either. I'm sort of the bridge between both worlds.

I don't know what I have, but it's not potential. Like I keep telling people, fucking a 13 year old just isn't that big a deal there. I was only 18. There was a guy I knew there who was 19 and openly dating a girl who was 12. Just a one off fuck like I did, trust me, nobody would care. I even halfway suspect I knocked her up, and still nothing happened. That's mostly what I mean with "all that came from that". I was dating another girl at the time, and the 13 year old in question was the sister of her best friend. And I said to her one time "Man, his sister sure is a slut.", and she was like "Oh, she's all talk. I bet she's a virgin." And I was like "Yeah... maybe." And she ended up getting sent away a couple months later for reasons that were never quite clear, and I always suspected a pregnancy. Cause protection? Nigga please. I gave her a chance to get off me, but she tried to jerk me off into her face, and it just wasn't happening, so she said "Just cum in me, I don't care." Neither did I, sadly, but I did regain enough composure afterwards to hold a pair of scissors to her throat and threaten to kill her if I ever heard from her again. I also told her I was so sickened by her that she must pay for the honor of my allowing her to fuck me. In drugs. She did, she went out and got me speed. I don't know why people latch onto fucking a 13 year old as some crazy thing. I didn't even know she was 13 until I was already fucking her. I know three different girls who lost their virginity at 13 to a 19 year old guy, and the girl I fucked was no virgin. I fucked a 12 year old too, but I was 14 at the time, so it's not so bad. I don't put much thought into these things. But I think Sensei likes me, so he should have whatever he wants.

GnR are a fairly reliable act recently.

I don't follow sports.

Uh, pretty much yes. I have a thousand more stories on that level, but that's bad dude. It's fucking sick.

Sell it on ebay. That's a really good one. Me fucking the 13 year old and all that came from that was pretty bad. But I will try to give you an original one. Fourth plateau DXM is the real answer, with me crawling around and writing on the walls "This is not real." "This will end." But here's a story: This girl I used to know named Shelley ("on the pole upside down... is she for real?!?" yeah that was her) one time came over to my house, and I was fucking her, and her little brother knocked on my door, and said "Look at this!" and it was a picture of their mother's boyfriend's dick. Their mom, PS, was smoking hot. If you look up MILF in the dictionary it would be her picture. And I said, "That's pretty good Michael, but let me see it." and I crumpled it up and ate it. I was pretty bad on drugs then. And then I sort of fell out of the doorway and fell asleep in the hall, and Shelley came out (both of us, through this whole thing, clad in underwear, btw) and was like "Go home Michael! David is tired and I need to help him." and Michael went home, and Shelley basically fucked me back to life. Yeah, she really went after my dick, while I was passed out in the hallway, and her brother had just left. And then I said "Shit... let's go see if Amanda wants to join in." That apartment complex was full of sluts, you see. And we did, and while somebody was theoretically supposed to be babysitting someone's little siblings, we left them in the living room watching Casper while we ruined ourselves in my room. That was pretty awful. That night, my mom went to see Scream, btw. That's the atrocity of small town Florida.

You shitting me? Lincoln was a 6' 4" wrestler, Hitler was a vegetarian painter. That's like Mike Tyson vs Fred Savage. Learn the art of not caring. The extent of it is "Aw, poor doggy. Oh, he's ok. Bye." The guy? He doesn't enter into it at all. I mean, if it was me, I'd start berating him back and saying that I hate dogs and worship Satan and whatever. But that's just for shock value. I think best response here is not even looking at him, getting up, and moving on. If you didn't kill or permanently cripple the dog, you are free here to do any fucking thing you want. 1. That I am a good writer. This period was the dregs of my drug and alcohol addiction, I was getting wasted every single night. I'd drag myself to class in the morning (and my writing class was at 8AM), barely coherant, and still got an A+ in every single thing I did there. Then I'd go to my next class, math, and failed it, in fact missing every single question on the final. Say what you will, I can write if I want to. 2. That I really needed to slow down. I'd call my mom and be like "Can... can you come and drive me home? Yeah, I don't think I'm in good shape." And then spontaneously vomit in her car. I don't think I ever did vomit in her car, I once did into a cardboard box she had in the backseat, which we left in the middle of the road, but we'd have to pull over three or four times on the way home sometimes for me to puke in a parking lot. I was really out of control by that point. 3. People (especially girls) are stupid. Writing is one thing, because what the person who hands the paper to you is like has no bearing on the paper, but the fact that I could still hook up with girls despite the fact that I was a completely fucked up addict made me lose a lot respect for women in general. I know I shouldn't blame all of them for those few, and I try to avoid it. But there it is.