kkktookmybabyaway

Here we go. I will post the winning teams in boldface as the week goes on and put the final scores of those teams selected for TB purposes: San Francisco @ Chicago (San Fran: 37) Philadelphia @ New England Tennessee @ Atlanta Houston @ Dallas (Dallas: 23) Green Bay @ Denver Cleveland @ Detroit (Cleveland 6) NY Giants @ NY Jets (NY Giants: 7) Kansas City @ Miami (Miami: 24) Jacksonville @ Tampa Bay Washington @ Carolina New Orleans @ Cincinnati Pittsburgh @ Minnesota Baltimore @ St. Louis Arizona @ Oakland Buffalo @ Indianapolis Seattle @ San Diego (Seattle: 17) BX CHI/PHI/TEN/DAL/GB/DET/NYG/KC/TB/WAS/NO/MIN/STL/AZ/IND/SD Dallas: 17(-23) TB Difference: 6 MFerXtreme87 CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/DEN/DET/NYG/MIA/TB/WAS/CIN/PIT/STL/OAK/IND/SEA Seattle: 27(-17) TB Difference: 10 The Ghost of Harold Ballard CHI/NE/ATL/HOU/GB/CLE/NYG/KC/TB/WAS/CIN/MIN/STL/ARZ/IND/SD NY Giants: 28(-7) TB Difference: 21 AgentBond34 CHI/PHI/TEN/DAL/GB/CLE/NYJ/KC/JAX/CAR/NO/PIT/STL/OAK/BUF/SD San Francisco: 14(-37) TB Difference: 23 JHawk CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/GB/CLE/NYG/KC/TB/WAS/CIN/PIT/STL/OAK/IND/SD Cleveland: 23 (-6) TB Difference: 17 UZI Suicide CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/GB/CLE/NYJ/MIA/JAX/WAS/NO/PIT/BAL/OAK/IND/SD Dallas: 28(-23) TB Difference: 5 Obi Chris Kenobi CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/GB/CLE/NYG/KC/JAX/CAR/NO/PIT/BAL/OAK/IND/SEA Dallas: 13(-23) TB Difference: 10 Mr. Rant -- for his usual 4-5 weeks before dropping out CHI/PHI/TEN/DAL/DEN/CLE/NYJ/KC/JAX/WAS/CIN/PIT/BAL/AZ/IND/SEA Seattle: 24(-17) TB Difference: 7 Cowboy13012 CHI/NE/TEN/DAL/DEN/CLE/NYG/KC/TB/WAS/CIN/MIN/BAL/AZ/BUF/SD Miami: 20 (-24) TB Difference: 4

9 p.m. • So the kkk household just got this letter from the Nielsen people. Looks like we could be a future ratings player. Looks like the ratings will be up even more for OMG FAUX NEWS LOL 2008~! Man, I haven’t said that in a while. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I watched cable news. • You know, stealing her purse I understand. But her cane? Sad thing is there was a bit during “Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood.” Where a mugger robs an old lady and takes her walker. Let’s see if YouTube has this clip. … I give up. You’ll have to settle with this. Not sure what I like better: “niggasaki” at 0:47, the entrance doorbell at 1:25 or “the Man” at “4:07.”

Rhymes be stinkin' like a girl's poo-poo. Too bad he's gone -- and he took such good care of himself.

Link. White cats are prone to cancer.

7:30 p.m. • So another blogger WHOSE NAME I WILL NEVER REVEAL did this Worst *fill in the position* of all time. Now I don’t want to pee in his cornflakes (that’s something nl-asshole would do, the sick bastard), but I felt some of these stats didn’t tell the whole story. For some positions like 2B and SS I’m sure a team would allow the suckitude of a person’s OPS+ (or whatever that thing is) if the player was good defensively. Then again, I have no idea if Don Kessinger committed more errors than Hal Lanier. What, you expect me to actually look this shit up? Just how long have you been skimming through my words just to see pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt or my cats reading my stuff? Why am I talking about this? Because I’m in a baseball mood today, baby. You see, this other blogger WHOSE IDENTITY I WILL TAKE WITH ME TO THE GRAVE decided to start a thread where you build a MLB team using your favorite club’s draftees. To my surprise, nobody decided to do the Pirates. Well, since the SBuccos are my hometown club, I’ll see what I can do with the renowned Pirate scouting system. Ohh, there’s Barry Bonds. And Moises Alou. That’s a sure meaty heart of my lineup. Jason Kendall – I always liked him (seriously); Tim Wakefield, too. … uhhhh. Who the hell is Jonathan Albaladejo? I give up. Besides, anyone remotely good will be traded away to the Yankees or Red Sox in exchange for more prospects, who, if they are any good, will end up with the Yankees or Red Sox a few years later anyway. And the cycle starts all over again -- like welfare clans. Why am I talking about this? Because another blogger WHOSE NAME I WILL NOT SAY EVEN IF YOU SHOVE HOT POKERS IN MY CRACK-WHORE SISTER-IN-LAW’S EAR pointed this out to me. OMG TAXPAYER MONEY SQUANDERED. You know what, at this point I don't care. I say good for Mario. If this were one of the Marvel "Civil War" things that popped up at TSM a while back where you had to pick a side, I'd side with number 66 than any Shittsburgh public official. I've talked about this issue before and my opinion of building a new arena is a better idea than some hippie baseball stadium or field for the Stiilers. Go do a search or two and find the info yourself. I'm tired of linking up past entries. Oh who the hell am I kidding. You all are lazy pieces of shit. Now this part of the article is great. She was SHOCKED. Of course this is the representative of the "Hill District." And by "Hill District" I mean "ghetto." Yeah, I bet she was SHOCKED. In fact, her reaction was probably that of an audience member of the Maury Povich show when the crowd gasps upon hearing that an upcoming guest on a show called "Out of Control Teens" does drugs and has sex. Where the hell am I going with this? No clue. Say, this part of the article is greater. "More competitive." Where have I heard that line before? Oh, yeah. Back in the mid-1990s when the Pirates wanted a new stadium. Why, they would move to RALEIGH if they didn't get a new stadium to be "more competitive." The Pens were horrid in the early 2000s -- they never went above 30 wins from 2001-2002 to 2005-2006, but were the Stanley Cup runner-ups last season. And they don't even have their new arena yet. The Pirates have had a new stadium since 2001. Let's see what their records have been since this cash-cow was built. 2001: 62-100 2002: 72-89 2003: 75-87 2004: 72-89 2005: 67-95 2006: 67-95 2007: 68-94 If that is "more competitive" I'd hate to see them phoning in a season. Here's a not-as-great part of this article. Wow, Fast Eddie decided to stop by the western part of the state. Stay away you piece of shit. Yeah, money from a slots casino that is becoming a bigger clusterfuck than I thought possible. Read the rest of the story if you want. Long story short: this whole casino/slots stuff is a joke. But whatever, it's going to SAVE THE SHITTSBURGH REGION. Well, if it keeps most of the ghetto trash away from where I live then I say build that casino ASAP. And I'm spent. 11:59 p.m. • Now there was this other blogger who YOU WILL HAVE TO TWIST MY NIPPLES UNTIL THEY ARE PURPLE BEFORE I REVEAL HIS IDENTITY that did a bunch of reviews about hippie horror movies nobody has ever seen in-between his “calling out” of posters at the TSM board. “Marvin, Glenn Beck is gay, lol.” Or worse yet, commenting about “OMG Marney is sure CrAzY~!” Seriously, what is up with those one sentence posts that talk about the zany happenings over at message board part of our happy Internet community? I mean, talking about other posters on a BLOG that nobody reads is just… is just… … Goddamnit. Anyway, since the conclusion of my Top 103 Posters countdown I have been trying to think of another countdown-ish thing to do. Part of me wanted to do something regarding movie franchises while there were a few television DVD sets that have been screaming for my kkk-ommentary. However, thanks to the awesomeness that is the tune called “Dawn Raid on Fort Knox” I think I have just found the next project to distract me for a time (or at least until I get distracted again). If you can't figure it out by now, don't bother -- it will scare THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of you. OK, I'm stopping now. No way I'm doing 20 more of these retarded puns. You might as well get the MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN to put two in my head. 19...

Awww, Sassy's cute. Too bad all-white cats have a high rate of getting cancer. Too bad "no pets on the furniture" and cats don't mix. And how's the cat taking to Wrigley?

Kessinger who?

Reminds me a bit of those Geico cavemen. Now go out there and get the rest.

9:15 p.m. • So this was one fun week. I'll probably bitch about this in greater detail in a future entry, but the better half and I got a new car last night because the people at Kenny Ross Chevrolet are a bunch of stupid fucks who should all die in an explosion. Actually, this all started four years ago when an airbag did not deploy and a chain reaction leading up to this day began its slow path to destiny. • After reading this story I noticed the lack of any photos. Time to play Google: Well I was expecting worse. And God only knows what my neighbors have heard from the better half and I over the years. Actually, we don't make that much noise although one time in Ohio some guy drove by our townhouse during one of our bedroom romps and he shouted out, "We can see you!" Oops. Then again, who knows how much noise you make. While in Ohio we often heard my one ex-neighbor with her trucker boyfriend do the do. Fortunately for us it would last about 30 seconds -- seriously.

That makes two of us. Even if I hated 99 percent of this movie, I approve if only for the following exchange:

The deadline for vets to claim their teams has passed, and it’s time to fill those last two spots. Below are the posters who are interested in taking a team. BX -- Picks submitted MFerXtreme87 -- Picks submitted The Ghost of Harold Ballard -- Picks submitted AgentBond34 -- Picks submitted JHawk -- Picks submitted UZI Suicide -- Picks submitted Obi Chris Kenobi -- Picks submitted Mr. Rant -- for his usual 4-5 weeks before dropping out. -- Picks submitted Cowboy13012 -- Picks submitted Below is a list of Preseason Week 3 matchups. San Francisco @ Chicago Philadelphia @ New England Tennessee @ Atlanta Houston @ Dallas Green Bay @ Denver Cleveland @ Detroit NY Giants @ NY Jets Kansas City @ Miami Jacksonville @ Tampa Bay Washington @ Carolina New Orleans @ Cincinnati Pittsburgh @ Minnesota Baltimore @ St. Louis Arizona @ Oakland Buffalo @ Indianapolis Seattle @ San Diego Everyone interested in getting a team PM me your predicted winners for this week. The first game takes place on Thursday, August 21 at 8 p.m., which will be the deadline for you to submit picks. These picks are straight-up winners – there are no point spreads. In addition to your PM’d list of picks, as a tie-breaker give me a predicted score of any team you want. If you want to guess how many points the Giants will score – go for it. Want to guess the Rams score for Week 3 of the preseason? Great. The posters with the top two scores will get the two open slots. If there’s a tie, then the tie-breaker score will be used to determine the winner. I’ll reveal everyone’s picks after the August 21 submission deadline.

9 a.m. • So here was my week in review: Tuesday: Mrs. kkk and I were getting ready to put the groceries into the car when she starts talking about her one niece getting a period. She then begins to say how depressing it is that her nieces and nephews are getting older and all that other shit. I then made, in my attempt to get her more fired up over the subject, some remark about the niece is now able to get knocked up. Her reply was that she doesn’t even want to think about these kids starting to experience busted hymens and premature ejaculations. I then say, "what makes you think they aren’t already having sex?" Her reply: “They’re just starting puberty; they probably don’t even have pubic hair.” ************** THIS JUST IN: As I’m typing this, why the hell were we talking about this subject in the first place?! Now back to regularly scheduled programming. ************** Then came my chance to utter a line in public I’ve been waiting to do for some time. “If there’s no grass on the field just play in the mud.” Then I looked up from putting a gallon of milk in the trunk to see this lady who just got out of the jeep next to us give me a look of shock and digust. And they say timing is everything. Whatever, the better half never heard this line before and I had a fun time trying to get her to figure it out on the ride home.

Link.

Done.

7 p.m. • So on Tuesday I was changing the litter boxes and had this “Jurassic Fight Club” show on the History Channel. So what was the matchup – A T-Rex vs. Triceratops, where my three-horned gangsta would fuck up the world’s uber-predator? No. An Allosaurus thinking a nearby Apatosaurus would make an easy dinner, only to realize that this four-legged behemoth would just fall on the carnivore and crush him or drown the meanie if there was some water nearby? Not even close. So what was this week’s fight of the week? Finding out who KILLED A T-REX! OK, so there was a bigger dog in the yard, like that abortion called Jurassic Park 3? Not quite. It was some carnivore that attacked juvenile T-Rexes. Gay. Oh, and next week the fight club will be a bunch of raptors “gang killing” some herbivore. Bullshit. Give me an Ankylosaurus cracking the skull of Gorgosaurus. (To this show's credit, something similar will be coming up.) Give me a Stegasaurs getting its pea-brain pwned by something higher up on the food chain. (To this guy's credit, he seems to be holding his own quite well.) Give me some horny Hadrosaurs thinking with their little heads and brawling over which one gets to bang the female lizard with the big duck bill. Yeah, a bunch of raptor things killing some big dumb herbivore. I haven’t seen that before.

N*gga plz. I did this shit all the time.

7 p.m. • So a while back I said that the better half was getting laid off by her idiot boss. This is a rather odd situation because normally Mrs. kkk is the one with the job and I’m the one going to interviews. However, despite a dozen or so interviews she has gone on the results have all been the same: zip. Now granted one place wanted her – for half of what she was currently making. There were a few other places that had similar experiences, but there was one in particular that deserves mention. This place had her come in for three different interviews, and each time the Mrs. said that she would never go back to that place if they asked her to come in for another session. Of course, each time she went. The last interview she had with these people she was told that she would hear back from them in a week. One month later they contacted her for another interview, which I think was the “offer” stage. However, much to the better half’s credit, she turned down the invitation. The biggest shock she has had during these two-plus months is how unprofessional so many people get. Every time a person said they could contact her one way or the other within a week or two, they never do. Now while this is nothing new to me, this is a whole different experience for Mrs. kkk. Fortunately, there’s one place that will be picking her up in the fall. Or at least that what she was told. She’s got until the end of this month before her current job (thankfully) expires and she can head toward the unemployment line. At least now when the “get a job” jokes are made, it will be me doing the delivery instead of being the punchline.

Another question for bob: How many of these type of films become available on DVD?

Don't delete. Morgan is one of my favorite actors.

I see you on AIM, bob. You can't hide forever.

7 p.m. • So during the summer months Mrs. kkk helps out at her church’s fund-raising events, such as grilling get-togethers and Bingo events. Yesterday was another such “burger bash.” Hey, don’t knock these seemingly insignificant community events. These three-hour activities produce well over 3,000 burgers, not including beverages and other snacks -- all of which are donated. (I know, we always have to get Pepsi when it’s on sale for these events.) Why am I talking about this? Well Steve O'Donnell, the Democrat running against my Republican congressman, Tim Murphy, made an appearance at this event yesterday and did the usual schmoozing all politician-hopefuls do at these events. He even went back where the grilling was taking place, which PISSED OFF just about everyone there, according to Mrs. kkk. Keep up the good work O’Donnell – people don’t want to be reminded about politics when they’re at places like this. Speaking of Murphy, I don’t know whether to say “atta boy” or worry that he’s just another RINO. From June 11: Actually, the guy is a bit of a RINO, but this is southwestern Pennsylvania. I’ll take any Republican when I can get ‘em. I remember back in 2006 Murphy’s television ads involved him talking about health care and other stuff the old people around these parts bitch about. • Now this was odd. Last year I got some uber-deal with a bunch of digital channels for not much more than my basic package. A few weeks ago I went to downgrade my cable package because even though the extra channels are nice they aren’t worth the extra money. I was instead going to go to the basic bundle package – standard digital cable, Internet and phone service. When I spoke with the Comcast rep he said that there were no bundles to downgrade to and that I should wait until August 3 because that’s when my current bundle deal expired. OK then. Today I called to downgrade and the lady I spoke with said I could just keep my current bundle deal for another year. Well almighty then. What surprised me was that in January I got a letter notifying me of upcoming rate hikes, and the bundle package I had back then (and now) was jacked up almost $50. You know what – I’m not going to ask. At least I get to watch NFL Network for at least another year. • Speaking of the NFL Network, I watched some of the recent Hall of Fame inductions this weekend. With Art Monk’s speech, in which a drinking game could be made on all the times he make Jesus references, it got me thinking: Would we be so quick to applaud a Muslim inductee? “Praise be Allah for allowing me this great honor.” Yeah, that’ll go over well. Then again, the Muslim inductee wouldn’t need the aid of the Hall of Fame setting off fireworks – I’m sure he’d supply his own explosives. By the way, I always liked Art Monk and don’t care one bit about the “thanks to God” remarks. However, whenever I hear athletes talk about their love for Jesus I can’t help but think about the only Onion article I ever found funny, which had the headline “Athlete Blames God For Team’s Loss.” Speaking of thinking about a different subject, whenever I saw TSM’s Bennigan’s thread, here was the first thing that popped into my mind. Oh, yeah. Here was my second thought. (If someone can find a video clip of this that I can put in this post, please let me know. I gave up looking after a few searches.)

10:30 a.m. • So peep the opening paragraph to this article about how car leasing may be a thing of the past. A PRICEY NEW CAR out of reach for SOME PEOPLE? Hmmm, let’s see, a big-ticket item is too costly for some people but there’s a way for said laymen to acquire the product, which they really can’t afford. Sound familiar? What industry does this sound like whose bubble recently burst? And since when did a "pricey new car" become a "key part of the American dream"? God I'm so out of touch.

I said "piss on them" after the whole stadium deal, although I am happy to see Bay go to a winning team. -- for his sake, at least.

8 p.m. • Wow. Xavier Nady traded to the Yankees earlier this month, now Jason Bay traded to the Sox. Pirate fans are getting the best of both worlds with the YANKS/SOX rivalry. I’m sure Al knows the stats of every new player the Pirates got today, but I don’t care: they’ll still lose now and in the future. • McCain-ites, I don’t get this ad. You’re ripping on a guy who is attracting loads of people to hear him bullshit? I don’t care if Osama is talking to Europeans. I don’t care if Bar-ACK’s crowds were helped drawn in by music concerts. This ad makes me want to vote for Hussein more than the candidate who endorsed this message. Oh, and by “Heussein,” I mean Saddam. Not the other terrorist. 9 p.m. • Now the biggest attention-getter to this story is probably a person winning a $5 million jackpot and still working as a doorman, but my "WTF?" moment is when I found out how much he made at this profession. I know it's NYC and all, but still. And he's UNIONIZED?

I know my mom's birthday but the Mrs. always sends her the card because I would forget. I forgot my dad's birthday long ago -- it's sometime in October. Family is everything.