kkktookmybabyaway

It says you don't know much about rap from the 80s-90s if you only recognize one person on that list.

Well at least I know most of them.

• I’m not too good at giving directions, even though I try my darndest. Back when I used to work at the convenience store, I used to get plenty of people asking me where certain streets/buildings/etc. were and I’d just go “derp.” The only exception to this was on the weekends, when a local flea market would open. The reason I knew the location of this swap meet? Because it was literally only a few miles down the street from my workplace. Even though I always started out trying to be as helpful as I could to these people, it almost always ended in disaster. Despite the flea market only being a straight shot away, the handful of lost customers who asked me where this place was would ALWAYS question my directions of “just go straight through the intersection on Wildwood Road and it will appear on your left a few miles down.” One time this guy even whipped out a hand-written map and said that’s not where the flea market was located according to his directions, to which my response was, “well then follow your map and ignore the directions of someone who has lived in this area for six years and has visited this flea market on several occasions.” That response didn’t go over too well. Flea market pilgrims aside, the reason I always try to be as helpful as I can to someone lost is because I’m, for the most part, a believer in karma and know if I’m ever in need of directions I’d want to get someone who is as good-intentioned as me when it comes to helping wayward travelers. Well, early this morning I was at work and realized I needed to get batteries for the digital camera. I headed out to the nearby grocery store, and as I was approaching the sliding doors, this black lady in some rusted-out hooptie called out to me. I approached her and she told me that she had gotten off the wrong exit off I-376 and was looking for the local Olive Garden. Now I only work in this area and don’t venture out much, so at first I told her that I couldn’t think of one around here. However, the little hamster in his wheel that powers my thought process kicked it into overdrive while this lady was explaining her predicament. Suddenly, I remembered where the Olive Garden was – I drove past there a few times while exploring the area when I first started my job. The problem was that I wasn’t sure of all the street names from where we were to where she would have had to go. I told her that I remembered where the Olive Garden was located. Because she was parked in the middle of the road and causing a backup in traffic, I said that if she would park her car I could write the directions down for her. She suddenly snapped in a ghetto fashion, “I ain’t got no time fo’ dat! I was ‘sposed to be o’er dere’ five minutes ago!” and sped off. Bitch. Oh well, I think I got a few extra points from the Karma Gods on that one. • So the NFL powers-that-be decided that excessive touchdown celebrations will result in a 15-yard penalty. Lame. Sure many of these pre-planned dances and stunts are stupid, but are they really that bad? I actually enjoyed Chad Johnson’s antics last year, and before Terrell Owens drew the ire of ESPN for picking on Donovan McNabb, I was entertained by a number of his touchdown celebrations; I admit to being amused at that thing he did with the pom-pom’s a few years ago, not to mention that incident in Dallas where he went to midfield and defaced the 50-yard Star. • While some creative end-zone celebrations may get a chuckle out of me, this story gets a full-fledged LOL. With all the PC/Affirmative Action bullshit that’s run rampant on universities today, it’s only poetic justice that there’s at least one college out there that is turning away more qualified female applicants in favor of less qualified male ones. The reason? Because there are less males going to Big Academia than women. That’s right, baby. Diversity is a two-way street, and if it’s really diverse it’s at least a four-way intersection. I especially loved the way this sure-fire feminazi ended her article, “I admire the brilliant successes of our daughters. To parents and the students getting thin (rejection) envelopes, I apologize for the demographic realities.” You ought to be apologizing for your institution’s practice of discrimination.

I don't pay much attention to the off-season, so what did Minnesota do to improve?

We've known JJ isn't the brightest bulb in the socket for some time, which just adds to his charm. Carnival, for years we would just have food out for them to eat at any time, but JJ would always over-eat and throw up. There would be times we'd come home from work and there would be 4-5 piles of vomit scattered about. I wanted to have rationed feedings for some time, but the better half never went along with it because Dessa was a "grazer," meaning she'd eat little bits throughout the day. Then when our one cat died she seemed to get more concerned about the health of the other cats and agreed to do this. If you have cats that go outside and run around, then maybe having food available 24/7 might work, but if they're indoor cats, you need to ration what they eat. Ours always cry because they want fed, but, hey, life's a bitch; they'll just have to suffer.

Was this on Nickelodeon back in the day? If so ... memories...

I always liked Kendall, but he just wasn't the same after that base-running accident a few years back.

• Gotta love the Europeans. I guess their fans at soccer games can get a bit unruly and FIFA has issued reminders that RACISM will not be tolerated. Of course, you could always punish the FANS who are being racist shitheads, but that would require individual responsibility, and this is Europe we’re taking about after all. I don’t know much about European society, but I do know that some of their soccer enthusiasts put U.S. idiot fans to shame. • So the city of Houston took in the evacuees of Hurricane Katrina and what do they have to show for it? A rise in crime. Thank God nobody wants to come to my city; we have enough derelicts as it is. • Will someone please put General Motors out of my misery? It’s hard to feel bad for a company that set itself up for a huge fall when instead of cutting back and streamlining, they agreed with unions to let laid-off workers sit in these jobs banks, collecting a fat paycheck and receiving health benefits. • So how much is it worth to find true love? Apparently $12,000 if you’re some schmoe suing eHarmony.com for not being allowed to sign up for this dating service. The reason he was turned down? He’s still married, which is a no-no, according to eHarmony. On a side note, I don’t understand why anyone would join that place. It’s not that finding love on the Internet is necessarily a bad thing (it can’t be any worse than the local bar scene), but rather because the Web site’s founder is one of the most annoying commercial spokespeople in recent memory. Also, I so want to see these testimonials from those couples they show on television a few years down the road when the shine of wedded bliss has long faded. • I mentioned in Carnival’s blog that I have been regulating the feeding of my three cats. By giving each a quarter-cup of food in the morning and at night, I’m hoping this will prevent any health-related problems with them such as diabetes. The problem with this though is that now it’s nearly impossible to cook anything because you get overrun by felines on the hunt for food. This evening I was cooking a Lean Pocket in the oven (I can’t stand eating those things straight out of the microwave; it takes longer to bake a Pocket, but it’s worth it in the end.) and was getting a turkey sandwich prepared for a brief baking. The Lean Pocket was ready to be taken out, so I partially opened the oven door and turned back to finish putting the condiments on the sandwich. It was at this time when JJ trotted into the kitchen and began sniffing around; my guess is that he was smelling the Chicken Quesadilla Lean Pocket. I kept an eye on him and noticed that his backside began wiggling, which is always followed by a lunge/leap/charge. When I realized that he was about to jump in an oven that’s been at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, I reached for him, but I was too late. He jumped INTO THE OVEN. Fortunately, he’s not very coordinated and he only managed to get his front end onto the oven’s opening. His weight made the door fall all the way down, and I was able to get him to jump off the door completely. When I turned around back to my sandwich, I saw Dessa (who jumped up onto the island counter -- where my sandwich was -- while I was dealing with JJ) sniffing the turkey meat that was out. As I picked her up off the island, the little bitch snagged a slice of turkey in her mouth while in mid-air and took off with it under the living room coffee table. Thank God Max was too busy looking out an opened window and didn’t get in on this action.

Then you're going to hate my list regarding football cards.

Look at some of their designs from the '80s if you want ugly.

Dessa JJ Max

They probably can't understand what they're saying, too.

Oh my three kids have been on a diet for a few months now -- the one male has lost weight, but the female is still tubby. The other male is so furry we don't know where his fur ends and potbelly begins.

I still say the kid was drunk and just thought she had just another umbilical cord in her.

My old cat used to do clean his BUTT via sliding on the rug. I found it funny. The wife didn't. You want to talk about cats looking into your soul? Try having three of them mill around you at 5:30 a.m. while wating for their morning feeding.

Pirates are sporting their best team in a while -- if a few (OK, many) breaks go their way they might even reach the .500 mark!!! And what do the fans over there think of Kendall? Just curious.

I've learned not to bother with the political views of the bands I listen to. If I cared about this, all I would be able to listen to is Toby Keith. Somebody doesn't like Club Gitmo.

I don't do coffee. I love the smell of it but don't like the taste. And if I would drink a cup, I need to fill it up with cream and sugar.

The kid's a slut; babies killing babies.

Lies. All lies.

• And Hollywood wonders why Red State America finds them out of touch. Take Sharon Stone (please) and her reason why she thinks Hitlery shouldn’t run for President just yet. “This may sound odd, but a woman should be past her sexuality when she runs. Hillary still has sexual power and I don't think people will accept that. It’s too threatening.” There are a lot of things I think about when the subject of Hitlery sprouts up, and anything dealing with the word “sexual” isn’t on this list. Then again, if by “sexual power” Stone means grabbing your hubby by the balls and twisting until you get your way, then she may be on to something. Speaking of this stupid bitch (Stone, not Hitlery), here’s more evidence of why I can’t stand her. From another interview: “I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen. Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I'd like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’” Liberals like her are the same people who bitch about the Religious Right wanting to get into your wombs and Uncle Sam trying to set up shop in your bedrooms, yet she wants to engage in on-the-spot conversations about sex with kids that aren’t her own? Hopefully she’ll take her own advice and end up getting herpes one day around her yapper. Oh, and then there’s this quote, “If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them.” To any young girls out there, Uncle kkk offers this advice. If you’re in a situation where you "cannot get out of sex," knee the wanna-be rapist in the balls. If you can’t do that and are forced to give a blow job – bite down. Hard. Oh, and if you're hot, a/s/l plz. • Here we go again with Big Brother invading our privacy. Some hired goon pretended to be a political opponent in order to view that person's credit report. I bet this poor victim's telephones were also wire-tapped. Oh, wait. The person who pleaded guilty was a former staff member of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, and the victim was a Republican running for governor of Maryland? Never mind. • OK, now this is the real deal. The evil Bush administration just got slammed by an appeals court for making public an illegally taped telephone conversation of a political rival. Ha. Now the truth is coming out. Wait, the person who got slammed was Washington state Democrat Jim McDermott, who 10 years ago turned over to New York Slimes reporters a cell phone call involving former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and other GOP leaders? Never mind. • I just heard on the radio that, for the next election in my great state of Pennsylvania, our government is spending tens of millions of dollars to replace our perfectly adequate voting machines with used voting electronic voting machines that probably won't be ready in time. To make matters better, some of these machines are from Illinois, home of Cook County and voters that rise from the dead every few years to vote for Democrats. Oh, this will be a fun upcoming election season. • So a bunch of illegals took to the streets this weekend to bitch about being treated like a foreigners. Okie Dokie. I’m getting sick of hearing about this subject, because what’s the point of debating? For every study that claims these unregistered residents of the United States of America, there’s one that shows how much of a burden these people are. Nothing will get done about this problem. Why, these undocumented workers do the jobs no American would do and we’d all be paying $10 for a head of lettuce. Whatever. Guess I have to get used to the taste of salsa because these illegal aliens aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

In what field? 2 years: Community College of Allegheny County. 2.5 years: Point Park College -- shithole.

Fan of C, we hardly knew ye.

I don't think FSU will be going out of business anytime soon.

The previews I've seen remind me of "Night of the Creeps." Link. And the movie's beginning is pretty slow, so I'm sure the poster above me will hate it.