kkktookmybabyaway

Today’s going to be great fun. The better half’s friend who just squirted out her second kid is going to get it baptized today, and I have to go to the ceremony because Mrs. kkk is the kid’s godmother. I don’t get the whole “god” parents thing – to me it just sounds like an excuse to ask someone to pay for stuff for your newly born crumb snatcher. First the better half had to get this kid a christening gown for the big day, and on the drive home from work yesterday she said that she had to stop by the bank to get a “crisp $50 bill.” Here’s how it went down: Her: “I need to go to the bank tomorrow morning and get a new, crisp $50 bill for the baptism.” Me: “Why? Didn’t you buy that dress thing?” Her: “Yes, but I have to get this, too. Actually, I think you should since I bought the dress.” Me: “I’m not the kid’s godmother.” Her: “Well she’s paying for your meal after the baptism.” Me: “My ‘meal’ is going to be at a buffet, and since when did this kid get a job to pay for dinner? Besides, didn’t you tell me the kid’s rich grandparents (on the father’s side) are paying for this whole thing?” Her: “I hate you.” I loathe this whole gift-giving exchange thing. Oh we have to get a gift for these people because they’re getting something for us. Why just not exchange gifts in the first place and call it even? That way there’s no bitching about, “Well the gift I got Suzy was more expensive than what she got me.” And seriously, what’s the point? At my wedding we got $50 from this couple that were getting married several months after us. At their wedding what did we give them? Yep. $50. Personally, I think gifts should be given to people because you want to, not because you have to. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy giving gifts to people, but not because society deems it necessary to do so for every stupid occasion. Here’s another story: Years ago I bought this game for the PS2 called “Looney Toones: Space Race.” Cute little game. Anyway, whenever my one niece and nephew in-law stop over, that’s one of the first games they like to play. At around May-June of last year I was at the local used CD store and found this game for sale in really good condition. I asked the better half should we get this for them because this game was now out of print. She said “no” because they only play that game at our house. A few months later it was time to get into Christmas shopping gear, and guess what was requested by these two kids? You guessed it. When their mother called the better half to give us an idea for gifts for her two kids, she asked the better half, “Is there any way you get that Looney Toones game you have at your house? That’s all they talk about when they are playing on their Playstation.” Of course, the problem was that this game was no longer being made, and when I looked on Amazon, I didn’t find any available. A day or so later we went out to the local mall, and surrounding shopping centers, and there was no Space Race to be found. We then stopped in a used CD store (not the one mentioned above) and there we found a copy. Problem was there wasn’t an instruction manual, which turned off the better half. I eventually wore her down and convinced her to get the game, considering we had zero luck finding it elsewhere, and it was worth it to know that we found this game early on in the shopping season. Well, when Christmas arrived, she was still bitching about the game because of no instruction manual and that since the game was “used” we didn’t spend the exact same amount of money on this niece and nephew than we did on Mrs. kkk’s other nieces. I kept telling her that it didn’t matter because this is what the kids wanted. (Then again, I went out on Black Friday to get her other nieces some gifts, and I asked the better half if she was calculating how much she “spent” on someone with a gift’s retail or sale price? That line of questioning didn’t go over too well.) When we arrived at the brother/sister in-law’s place (it’s a Christmas tradition), and after all the gifts were opened, guess which toy the niece and nephew played with first with the other kids who were also there? Yep. Did they even notice (or care) that there was no instruction manual included with the game? Nope. Was that the only Christmas toy/game they got to chose from? Not even close. Oh, that was quite a fun drive home. Not only did I get to say, “So what was that first game they played with?” 50+ times in a 10-15 drive back home, but I also saved $10+ for buying the game used. (Sorry, I couldn’t pass that one up.) Oh, and for the record, we are each going in on half for the $50 baptism gift.

I don't care what the haters say, I always liked Olajuwon, along with Mookie. Man, those Hawks teams were good. What the hell happened?

The only problem I see with blasting hippies is that they're not much of a challenge. All they do is just sit there and go, "woah, man." Did I just say that?

Every few weeks the kkk househould changes the four litter boxes scattered around the house. Last night it was my turn to do the cleaning. As I was doing this fun chore I had on ESPN’s draft special #374128957498 on, and they were talking with Bill Polian, the general manager of the Indianapolis Colts. I had this on as background noise so I may not be completely accurate in what I thought I heard. The ESPN guy was asking Polian about the recent asquisition of Adam Vinatieri, and Polian was saying how Adam was among the great kickers in NFL history and then he named a few players. One name that made me do a double-take was Scott Norwood. Um, OK. I’m sure Norwood may have had a good career and all (he's the Bills all-time leading scorer, last I checked), but I wouldn’t want to have my field goal kicker associated with this guy, especially since you’re expecting him to make some game-winning field goals in the playoffs. I’m sure Bill Buckner had a good career, but I wouldn’t want to compare my team's first baseman to him, especially if they're postseason-bound. While I’m on this subject, there’s something else I need to grumble about. I get how it can be fun to watch the NFL draft and try to figure out who your favorite team is going to draft and stuff, but sometimes this goes just a tad overboard. Over the last few years I remember hearing from the ESPN gang on draft day about how some crappy teams have practically rebuilt themselves after a round or two with their selections. Look, I get that parity can make bad teams good, but can we at least wait until they win a few games in the regular season before considering teams that have done nothing in recent seasons to be postseason threats? Even though the NFL Draft coverage can be overkill, this is still a fun time of the year for sports. The NBA and NHL playoffs are just getting started, Major League Baseball is in full swing, and the NFL gets its several rounds in the spotlight. However, there is one thing about the upcoming playoffs that gets on my nerves. It’s when talking heads start comparing postseason matchups and then say, about a lower-seeded team, “I sure wouldn’t want to be playing them in the playoffs.” Shutup. This is the playoffs – you’re supposed to be playing good teams. Who do you expect to be playing this time of the year – the Raptors? The Penguins? You’re supposed to be playing teams that have a few stars on their roster, and if this team is meshing come playoff time, then the higher-seeded team better be, too. I’ll probably watch some of the NHL playoffs this weekend, which is funny because I have no idea who is in the postseason. All I know is that New Jersey is playing well, and I’m sure Detroit is the top seed at the other place. And let me say that there is nothing better than playoff hockey, especially if a game goes into overtime. What I love about this drama is that every pass, shot and check gets magnified even more when a crucial playoff game is on the line. Also, it always seems that in a tense, sudden death contest, the winning goal is always scored in a flukish sort of way.

So what kind of porn kept you online?

This is a good start.

Uh, no, they don't. And what amount do you determine is a "living wage?" Also, when making this determination, are you targeting this "living wage" for a single guy in his 20s with no kids, or do you assume everyone has to bring home the bacon for a family of 6? I guess I could also ask about what cost of living standards you would base this "living wage" off of and stuff, but it's a Friday and I'm already thinking about kicking back in comfy beanbag and starting up Madden '05 once I get home from work.

There's a thread in the forums about "why does everything cost so much?" in General Chat (I think) that you might be able to give us insight on. Link.

They deserve a living wage because Borders makes too much money, or something.

Don't forget the "three screen" layout, too.

It’s that time of the year again. Gas prices are shooting through the roof and Big Oil and their buddies in the Bush Administration are making record profits. You know what’s funny about this whole situation every time the price of fuel goes up? No, it’s not the soccer mom getting mad when filling up her Durango to take the kids to practice. It’s the same greenie weenies that bitch and moan about the cost of gas along with the rest of the masses. If these bitches had an ounce of honesty in them they’d welcome these $3/gallon prices and wish it would rise to the $4-5 range. After all, with a higher cost of fuel, more people would be tempted to take those clean, efficient vehicles that make up the public transportation system. With a higher cost of fuel, more people would be encouraged to buy hybrid cars, or at least shelve those gas-guzzling SUV’s. With a higher cost of fuel other alterative sources of energy would be encouraged even more. So how come when the cost of gas rises do I not hear these people applaud? Oh, yeah. Halliburton. It’s times like this that I thank God I no longer work at a convenience store. The wacky hours and crappy pay were bad enough; don't even get me started on the idiot customers (oops, too late). Those patrons were bad enough back when I worked there back in 1996 when gas was 99 cents a gallon; I couldn’t imagine putting up with these assholes now. Christ almighty, back then these people bitched when gas went up to a whopping $1.06 a gallon; I don’t want to know what they are saying now. One thing that has changed from 10 years ago is that many stations now require you to pre-pay; back then it was merely optional, unless it was late at night. I can’t blame the stores – I remember watching a few customers work up $100 bills back when gas was one-third cheaper than it is now. Drive-offs were always weird for me. Our store was an extremely busy one, and it seemed that most drive-offs took place in the early afternoon, when there wasn’t much traffic. You would think the drive-offs would take place during a busy period, such as the morning or afternoon rush hour commute. Those drive-offs would get me pissed; you bust your ass for 6-7 hours without any theft, but the moment you turn around to do an inventory of behind-the-counter cigarettes, boom. There goes a $25 order. Even though I had a few drive-offs in my heyday, there were several instances when I caught the bastards that tried to get a free ride. The most memorable one was this crazy broad who came up to my register, threw a bunch of change at me and just walked out. When I asked her where’s the rest of the money, she mumbled something and just casually drove away. I got the bitch’s license plate and called the cops. When the law finally caught up with this fugitive, I heard from a co-worker that this lady’s husband came in and calmly paid the difference – something like $10. Apparently, the woman was a few fries short of a happy meal and has done things like this before. The reason she gave for her exodus? When you need gas and don’t have enough money to pay for your order, gas stations are supposed to give you the fuel for free. This lady’s car may have had a full tank of gas, but mentally she’s ran on fumes.

Shhh. What are you going to tell me next -- that Social Security wasn't intended to be someone's sole source of retirement income?

And he still loses. Then again so far I'm something like 10-13-0-4 and about 10 points from getting in as an 8 seed. Not sure if I'm going to unload my roster yet and get rid of all those blue-collar working men just so I can increase my organization's bottom line. EDIT: Just answered my question: 2 goalies, 18 skaters.

Poor kitty. Hope it's not a stray.

I grew up on "Be all you can be." Damn kids and their "Army of one." And that "Twister" ad is pretty bad.

And you all make fun of me for being a grumpy old bastard. And someone who can't find work that pays more than that must be overflowing with job skills.

Oh, wait, year four was the uber team, and year three was the eighth seed. Man, that year three squad must have been teh suq.

Some more dumb questions: Exactly how many players do you have to have on your roster as a minimum? This includes those that you scratch.

My experience was pure hell, and I'll never go through it again.

I have my choice of radio stations programmed, and it’s limited to 4-5 stations. For example, there’s the RIGHT-WING RADIO Clear Channel with the usual syndicated lineup. There’s also KDKA, a more local AM station. Then there are those bitches from WPTT that bumped Neal Boortz; I don't listen to them anymore. For sports I have Fox Sports Radio, which has a local morning show and Jim Rome, and finally ESPN Radio, which I listen to Mark Madden’s afternoon show. While I don’t complain much about the lineup of these stations, sometimes I want to listen to something different, so I began scanning the radio dial in hopes of finding something new. And something new I found. I discovered WPIT, a local AM station. I looked up their lineup on-line, and they seem to be a Jesus-lite station. As I started scanning the hosts, I was less-than thrilled. Then I saw who was on from noon-2 p.m. – Dr. Laura. Like I said in my “Best of RIGHT-WING RADIO” entry a while ago, I don’t listen to Dr. Laura for her politics, or moral opinions. Hell, if she found out how long I lived in sin, she’d spend a full segment yelling at me. However, I loved listening to her show in other markets because of her callers. I started listening to her show again this past Monday, and on Tuesday I heard one of the best talk-radio moments I’ve enjoyed in quite some time. This lady called and had her mother on another phone line. The daughter wanted Dr. Laura to tell her mother why she should leave her husband of 18 years. When asked how old the caller’s mother was, she said “71.” Then the mother started mumbling on the other line. The next question asked was, “Why do you want your mother to divorce this man?” Because he drinks and is always getting in trouble. The mother added, “I broke my leg when trying to bail him out of jail.” At this point tears were starting to trickle down my face. Dr. Laura then told the mother to hang up the phone because she wanted to talk to the daughter “one-on-one” (on a radio show heard by MILLIONS of listeners). The daughter then responded, “What should I do with my mother?” For the rest of the segment, when Dr. Laura was talking there were several interruptions (I counted four) by the mother randomly blurting out “Hello? Is anyone there?” I was listening to her show again today, and there was a caller in tears because her young daughter sent some kid a card (she didn’t say what the occasion was – birthday/Valentine’s/etc.) and he didn’t respond to her daughter in kind. Another caller was getting her feelings hurt because her mother-in-law would re-arrange her furniture when she would stop for a visit. But the best caller of the day was the young twenty-something who had a kid at 16 with this guy, went on to have several miscarriages, and now she doesn’t know if her kid should be around another kid who her baby’s daddy fathered at the same time her kid was born. Thank you, WPIT.

Kelly Gruber, perhaps? (I can't remember if he was on that '92 team.) Calling Bored.

Yesterday I set up the events leading up to a party at a friend’s house back during my high school days. Now it’s time for the exciting conclusion. When we got back to Jeff’s house, whose driveway was already filled with vehicles, we asked him why did he let people in already when we agreed not to until we got back from getting food. Unfortunately, we didn’t get all that coherent a response, considering he was already on the path to drunkenness. So all that planning of a cover charge and using Greg as a bouncer? Gone. When the first group of people rang the doorbell, Jeff had scurried over to the door and let them in before Greg could do anything. It was at this moment I decided to move a recliner up close to the living room television and just sit there and watch TV. If you ever saw that “South Park” episode with Christopher Reeve and Stem Cells, that’s pretty much how it went. I told everyone that, basically, I “was out” because I knew trouble was on the horizon. A few hours later more people showed up. Then more. And more. In the early evening I was still planted in the living room watching television as uninvited guests populated this three-story suburban house. Because of a lack of available space, people were “forced” to join me in the living room. Since there isn’t a large contingent of Blue Jay fans where I lived, Game 6 of the World Series got switched over in favor of a Penguins game. It was around this time when some people began making fun of my choice to be a wallflower. “Boy, you really know how to have a good time,” was a common line thrown at me, but I just sat back and said “just wait.” After a while I got up from my chair and decided to do a rough head count of people attending this gathering. After counting all just about everyone in the basement and the first floor, I totaled more than 80 people. I then went back to my chair. Shortly thereafter the fun really began. I forget the chick’s name, but suddenly I heard screaming from the second floor followed by some other shouting. From what I was told my one friend (I think it was Greg) was up on the second floor when he suddenly heard a commotion from Jeff’s parents’ bedroom. Suddenly, he saw a girl in her bra and panties trying to run out of the room only to be grabbed and dragged back in by 4-5 guys before being able to break out again and locking herself in a nearby bathroom. I should note that there was some consensual penetration going on as well -- Greg told me later that evening that he heard sounds in not only the parents' bedroom, but also in Jeff's and in his sister's rooms. In addition, he found a couple in a nearby broom closet going at it. Right after this attempted rape, a few drunken idiots that got into a fight over something or other. When the one guy’s girlfriend tried to break up the scuffle, it only seemed to make matters worse. As the girl’s boyfriend stormed out he punched a neighbor’s fiberglass (or some other fancy material) mailbox, shattering it. At the same time someone else took their car and turfed up another neighbor’s yard, leaving several deep track marks in an otherwise impressive landscape design. During the attempted rape and property damage, a few of my friends began noticing things ... missing from Jeff’s house. In all the action that took place, there were several ruffians that helped themselves to some items in the house. When it was all said and done, it was determined that several thousand dollars of property was stolen. Among the items I remembered that were taken included a set of golf clubs, several extension cords (?), a weed wacker (!), and a number of CDs, video games, video cassettes and sports memorabilia -- the most valuable of which being a football that was signed by the 1985 Chicago Bears team. Actually I should correct myself; the football wasn't stolen, someone just punted it from the backyard deck into the nearby woods. It turned up later, with all the signatures smeared beyond recognition. As the night progressed, and the alcohol flowed, some of these uninvited guests began to get more physical, and several mini-scuffles broke out; all the while I was sitting in front of the television and watched the Blue Jays win their first World Series championship (I'm pretty sure the final out was when the Braves leadoff hitter -- Lofton? -- attempted a bunt and got out at first base). When 4 a.m. finally rolled around, virtually everyone had left. I decided to help Jeff try to clean up the house, especially since his parents would be back home Sunday. There were some things I couldn’t fix, such as the cigarette burn marks on a variety of furniture throughout the house. Knowing my limits of what I could repair, I decided to do the dishes. As I was cleaning off plates and glasses, that guy whose girlfriend tried to break up a fight that took place earlier that night got into another scuffle – this time with his girlfriend. After some shouting and the sound of flesh being smacked, I turned around to see the girlfriend in question fly through the air and hit her head up against the dining room table. Although she had blood coming out of her, she managed to pull her boyfriend’s earring out before getting tossed. It was about that time when I decided to go to sleep. When I woke up at around 9 a.m., I looked around for Jeff, who was frantically mopping the basement floor in hopes of getting out the stench of smoke and booze. I asked him how it was going. We both laughed. After helping out with some more cleaning (and loaning Jeff $100 to give to the neighbor with the shattered mailbox), I had Don drive me back home. Of course when Jeff’s parents returned he had to fess up to what happened because, well, the furniture had irreversible damage, the house still smelled like smoke and the garage had a lot fewer items in it when compared to a few days ago. I don’t remember much of the fallout from this, although I know the police were involved, and the weed wacker and golf clubs were returned. As I look back at this event, I can’t help but laugh. Then again, this didn’t take place at my house.

Of course, the problem with this theory is that horror movies should have been the shizzle right after 9/11. They weren't, unless you count Zoolander.

So Cabin Fever and Hostel were made after Katrinia? Okie Dokie. Although he may have a point since (I think) Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street were made near/during the evil REAGAN years.

I should have mentioned this: The group I was in during my high school days didn't really worry about SATs and that other shit because we were just going straight to community college. Had I been smart or had an ounce of ambition in my body, perhaps my junior year would have been more stressful.