kkktookmybabyaway

I had a friend who only needed one more credit to graduate back in '98 and she was taking a "semester break." Haven't heard from her since.

What a MVP performance by Kobe tonight.

• Ha. Eminent Domain isn’t just for kicking some 90-year-old widow out of the home where she has lived for the past 70 years. Now Big Government is going after Big Business. Funny. This is like when the irresistible force meets the unmovable object. • Might as well do some updates to my video gaming sports franchises. My hockey team is starting to turn itself around. I am now tied for eighth place in the Eastern Conference, and traded away Ryan Malone for Erik Cole, who is a much better defensive forward than Malone was. The good thing about this trade that now if I go up against a team whose first line has a “crash the net” strategy I put Cole in the first line to help defend against these hosses. If not, I usually put him on the second line and have Tomas Surovy up on the first line. For my football franchise, I was cruising along at 9-0 when I came across a game that I couldn’t play it because it would freeze up whenever loading. I noticed that if I play the Ravens in Week 15 during a season this bug happens. Now it looks like if the Browns are my Week 11 opponent, it will do the same. So, I simmed the week, and even though I won handedly, Alan Faneca is out for 9 weeks and James Farrior is out for the season. Yay. My baseball franchise is a different matter because I’ve decided to not only play at the Major League Level, but also I’m playing all of the Pirates’ minor-league teams, even the Lynchburg Hillcats. The funny thing is I actually enjoy playing the minor-league games more because the players are prone to errors and such. I’m not sure how I’m going to go about adjusting sliders for more realistic game play; I adjust sliders after every season in Madden, and I’ll probably do the same for NHL ’06. However, I might just wait until the start of every calendar month to tweak the sliders for MVP ’05. Either way, I’m having some great games, albeit on the low-scoring side. But then again, not every game has to be an 11-10 slugfest. I was worried that I had the game set too easy at the Pro level, but after being swept by the Cubs (and getting shut out in the last two games by Wood and Prior) I think I’ll keep things right where they are. • I don’t watch many first-run television shows on a regular basis. In fact, I stopped watching The Shield a few weeks into its latest season because I missed a few episodes and figured it’ll just be better to wait until it comes out on DVD and get it then. That’s what I did with Lost, and so far I’m almost three discs into the first season. I don’t think it’s as good as I heard some people say it is, but it was a worthwhile purchase nevertheless, especially since I got it during the Christmas season and for a great deal. I’m only several episodes into this season, but I already like Sawyer. For some reason I gravitate to the characters you’re supposed to hate. That was the case with me and the Dr. Romano character on ER. For the brief time I watched this show in the late 1990s-early ‘00s, the only reason I tuned in to watch this with the better half was to laugh at whatever politically incorrect, mean-spirited thing this guy had to say. It’s funny because other than Romano and that grumpy ex-cop-turned-receptionist, I didn’t give two shits about anyone on that show. In fact, I found just about everyone else on that show so dislikeable that I enjoyed seeing them wallow around in their own misery and self-pity. Like I said before, I haven’t seen all the episodes from season one of Lost, but is there a point to the hippie polar bears? A simple “yes” or “no” response will suffice.

Why not? Think of all the young minds out there you could make a difference with.

Get a job, hippie. Unless you are going to become a grad student, which will mean at least another few years of not having to worry about the real world.

Ha. A few years ago my mom moved out of her house to attend Jesus school full-time, and that meant me storing all her shit she couldn't keep. Well, there were a lot of books, and many of them were interesting, espeically the ones that talked about politics and shit from back in the day. She had a LOT of Winston Churchill books, but then I saw some Gore Vidal publications. When she visited next time I asked her what the !@#$ was she smoking to buy this crap, let alone think I would allow it in my house. Good times were had by all.

Never heard of this doorknob game, thank you very much.

This new guy just doesn't look like Bond for me. And was that "bottled water" comment really legit? I haven't seen the last few 007 movies.

Poo on all you haters. See you on the 19th, Earl.

There are many things that helped contribute to the financial problems Shittsburgh is currently facing, and a number of them revolve around still pretending it’s the 1960s and the city is densely populated. Being an evil suburbanite, I get to witness firsthand one of the many services the city pays for that other, smaller communities get done at less expense, or sometimes with no cost at all to the taxpayer. I’m talking about city-employed school crossing guards. Seriously, I hate these fucking people. The only authority figures that have less authority than these pseudo law-enforcement officials are mall cops that hang out at Orange Julius for most of their shift, hitting on the one cashier who doesn’t weigh 400 lbs. Now you might be thinking, “come on, kkk, aren’t you being a little harsh?” Sorry, but not only do these people get paid $12k a year for only working a few hours per day, but also they get free health and dental insurance and free vision care, along with paid sick days, personal days and paid time off for school holidays. Now the argument over keeping these people is “but they only make up a small portion of the city’s budget.” Yes, but you get a bunch of these “small portions” of any budget, you suddenly find yourself in the red. Anyway, back to my story. On the drive home from work I have to go past several of these pseudo cops. I can understand escorting grade school children across a busy intersection, but these people are walking with GROWN ADULTS across streets that have minimal, if any, traffic. My first encounter with one of these people came with a portly broad at this one intersection. Like a good motorist I waited until she walked with this middle-aged woman across a street I was about to turn on to. Now every fucking day that she does this she waddles completely across the street with a pedestrian. Of course this time as she got about three-fourths of the way across the street, and well out of the two lanes of road I was about to turn on to, she stops and starts walking back. I of course have to put on the breaks and the bitch says to me, “I have the right of way,” to which I replied, “Yes, your highness.” A few young males nearby heard this and laughed. This past week I had my second run-in with one of these people. Before driving to meet “fat ass,” the affectionate nickname the better half gave to the aforementioned crossing guard, we deal with another one of these people at a four-way intersection at some government school. Well, as I was making my usual left-hand turn at this intersection I suddenly saw a school bus with its yellow lights on. Of course, when at the stop sign at this four-way there are several houses that block my view of the left road, preventing me from seeing the school bus until I was in the middle of the intersection. Of course the crossing guard was a big help; all she did was just stand there and say to me in a tone that would sound threatening if bellowed by a real officer of the law, “You must come to a stop.” Well no shit bitch. Maybe if instead of talking to the ghetto children at the one corner of this intersection you would have motioned for me not to turn due to the fact I couldn’t see a school bus getting ready to make a stop I wouldn’t have almost been in danger of plowing down some products of our Great Society program. Fucking bitch. Instead of making that turn, I just drove straight through the intersection and continued onward toward my home in suburbia. Ever since, whenever this bitch gives me “permission” to turn left at this intersection, I inch up a few feet, make a deliberate second stop and slowly look both ways before making my turn. Hopefully, one of these times when I turn I’ll be able to run her over. The funny thing is, on the street that I live at we also have a school bus that makes its daily stop, and, yes there are school crossing guards present. However, they are not employed by the State – they are parents and grandparents, and they do not get paid a decent wage and receive free health care for performing this service.

And for every Ted K., there's at least one BTK.

Wow. The crowd must have been bored out of their minds during that segment; no hootin' or hollerin'.

• Boy we’re really going to show Zacarias Moussaoui by giving him life in prison. At this point I don’t care – would you expect anything less from a justice system that freed OJ Simpson and gave a sympathetic ear to the Menendez Brothers? Now the judge got real tough on Moussaoui by saying, “When this proceeding is over, everyone else in this room will leave to see the sun ... hear the birds ... and they can associate with whomever they want… You will spend the rest of your life in a supermax prison. It's absolutely clear who won." Oh shut up already. I bet in six months he gets dial-up Internet access, finally going up to broadband in another three. Also, as the years go on, I’m sure there will be civil rights groups out there that will say we’re being too mean on Moussaoui and take up his cause, or some similar bullshit action. Just like many events, time dulls the senses to the point where the public (or some red diaper doper baby judge) decides that the convicted has paid his or her debt to society, and I’m sure Moussaoui will be another example of this sometime down the future. Now I’m not a huge death penalty fan. The reason for this is because once you flip the switch or insert that needle that’s it. If a witness lied during the convicted’s trial: too bad. If DNA evidence shows that the condemned was innocent all along: oopsie. The fact you can’t make up for someone who was wrongly found guilty once they’re put to death is my only reservation toward capital punishment. Now if you are videotaped killing a convenience store clerk or police officer, then forget the trial; I’ll turn on Ol’ Sparky myself. If any good can come out of Moussaoui’s trial it is that I hope some people who didn’t know that the jury system is so broken beyond repair know it now. So if these people ever have their life changed forever due to some thug hopefully, if they have the chance, that they take out this piece of shit who committed the crime against them before calling the proper authorities. After all, someone has to do it since a jury won’t have the stones to do it themselves; unless you live in Texas, of course. • If I hear one more time that an extra year of college cost Matt Leinart $10 million dollars, I’m going to scream. Oh gee, instead of signing up for the NFL Draft last year and getting picked first overall he got to have a year of college that any of us could only dream of. On top of that, he is going to a Arizona Cardinals team that, although horrible, is much more appealing to any quarterback than the San Francisco 49ers. Leinart’s going to be set for life thanks to his NFL career; so what if he missed out on a bigger signing bonus by waiting a year? Normally I support college players that turn professional early. After all, it takes just one blown knee or torn ACL in a collegiate game to have any pro aspirations go up in smoke. However, if a student wants to stay and enjoy his college experience, then that’s his right, too. If you were Leinart, would you have wanted to spend 2005 getting crushed by NFL defenders or to enjoy a final season of college and getting your pick of just about any 18- to 24-year old in the Southern California region? I thought so.

• The Republicans are pissing me off again. Look, I feel your pain because you are the majority party with $3 gas at the pumps. Of course you’re going to get blamed for this. However, don’t insult my intelligence with these hippie $100 rebates some of you bastards are thinking of doing. Sure you guys have tried to increase refinement capacity and other such things, only to have the enviro-weenies and libs beat back these attempts. You may no longer be the party of “small government,” but please, don’t treat your constituency like those welfare leeches who think we can be bought off with some $100 kickback. If you want to buy me off, you’ll have to add a few more zeros to that amount. Oh who the hell am I kidding? Remember that tantrum I threw a while back because the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review jewed me out of a few dollars? Well, I gave in after a telephone call offered me 33 percent off a subscription. God I’m such a whore. • Miami Dolphins player Jason Taylor recently got stabbed in some road-rage incident, and now the other motorist is being charged with a HATE CRIME. Really? I thought Taylor got stabbed because he wouldn’t sign an autograph for this guy. Here is why I think “hate crime legislation” is retarded; can’t we lock this schmuck up for, oh, the other things he did (allegedly, of course) during this incident? One thing I did not know was that Taylor’s wife is Zach Thomas’ sister. Wonder how those two met? I heard about this story earlier today on the radio, and the news guy said Taylor is “half-white,” which makes me wonder if the 100 years this redneck will face in jail for saying “nigger” while breaking the law will be cut in half. Maybe the defense can argue that Burns was calling Taylor’s white half “nigger.” Who knows. Who cares.

• Well today a bunch of illegal immigrants are supposed to show us what it would be like without their presence. Like I've said before, don't pick your lettuce, but only if you also don't show up at our emergency rooms or schools. Also it would be greatly appreciated if you didn't receive any public assistance from our country's numerous free-money centers. If these people are going to go south of the border, if only for a day, then I'll feel a lot safer should I get blindsided by a motorist today. Not only will I be able to understand the words coming out of this person's mouth, but also there's a greater chance that driver will have insurance. • The NFL Draft has passed, and I forgot to talk about my all-time favorite moment, which was when Emily Manning threw his little shitfit and pouted like a bitch when the San Diego Chargers drafted him with the first overall pick a few years ago. I don't know what was better -- hearing the boos he got from the crowd, seeing Emily barely latch onto that #1 Chargers jersey, or listening to Chris Berman trying to spin the whole situation, "See, he's even holding up that jersey; what a great sport!" All of this only led up to the best part of the draft, hands down, when it was announced Emily was traded to New York and then to hear the NYC crowd react when the commish began reading off everything the Giants gave up. • Speaking of drafts, I figure this might be a good time to reflect on the time I attended a professional sports draft. No, I didn't drive up to New York City and wear some stupid green hard hat with an airplane on it. My one friend, who was a partial season ticket holder to Penguin games, gave me her pair of tickets to the 1997 NHL draft that took place in Shittsburgh because she was going to be out of town that week. The funny thing is I knew none of the athletes being drafted at this event. Joe Thornton was the top pick that year, but I don't know (or pronounce the names of) anyone else that got picked this day, although Sergei Samsonov is ringing a bell for some reason. Anyway, my friend that I brought with the other ticket and I just sat and watched these names being called and cheered when the Pens made their selections. One highlight from this day came when the crowd who attended this event booed every time the Rangers made a pick. In addition, I think some kid who played goalie for a nearby college or minor-league team got drafted. Even though the day was fairly uneventful, it wasn't a total waste of a day. After all, it's not every day you get all the teams of a sports league get together and prepare for their futures right before your eyes. • I heard over the weekend that Shittsburgh has a National Woman's Professional Football team called the "Passion." Oh well, seeing how this team has survived three seasons already, I guess you go, girls. This team can't be any worse than the USFL's Maulers from back in the day.

Shouldn't have went to the funeral, imo. Not telling you until the day of the event reeks of disrepect and thoughtlessness. Natalie has every right to be pissed, imo.

If it is the Lakers v. Clippers, which side will do the "Beat LA" chant?

For the longest time I always had summer pegged as my favorite month. After all, when you’re a kid, summer meant no school, unless you were a retard like me and had to attend summer school for two years because you were too lazy to study during the year’s other three seasons. However, as I got older, summer began to turn from being a paradise to one more of a bother. After all, when working in the “real world” there’s no three-month break, unless you work seasonally and collect unemployment. Also, in the Mid-Atlantic region summer usually brings humidity. Not the Deep South humidity mind you, but enough humidity to make me feel like shit after a while if I’m out in the sun. In addition, drivers seem to be worse during these months. I don’t know if it’s because preppie high school kids just got their new sports cars from daddy, or if people don’t prepare their vehicles for the summer months, resulting in more breakdowns on the road. Then again, since the price of gasoline rises during this time, maybe people just get more pissed off waiting at stoplights, burning precious fuel. Who knows and who cares – one thing is for certain, summer is no longer my favorite season. This now begs the question: what season is my favorite? Well, winter is immediately crossed off the list. Sure there’s Christmas, but there’s also snow, ice, sleet and biting winds. In addition, the people I mentioned above who don’t prep their automobiles for the hazy summer months also don’t get their vehicles ready for the slick road conditions that occur from January through March. However, accidents during this time are to be expected, so when you hear of a 10-car pileup on the nearby interstate, you think to yourself that taking a personal day from work isn't such a bad idea. With summer and winter eliminated, I’m torn between spring and autumn as being my favorite month. Let me break each season down. The plusses of spring for me include, in no particular order: 1) Saying good-bye to winter. 2) My favorite time for sports. Not only is Major League Baseball under way, but also the NBA and NHL playoffs are in full swing. You also have the NFL Draft, which gives any football junkie a quick fix. 3) The ability to wear shorts and loose t-shirts. The minuses of spring for me include, in no particular order: 1) Saying hello to rain, along with mowing the lawn. When the better half and I moved into this house, I didn’t take into account the fact I’d be mowing the property that came with it. Friday was my first mow of the year, and the result was two hours and four bags’ worth of clippings. Although I’ve had a pretty consistent opinion of illegal immigration, I began to re-think my position after the first time I had to go out and cut this shit. 2) The increased traffic, which I already mentioned above. 3) Nice weather that’s not too hot and not too cold. This is the time of the year when I open up all the windows and let the breeze cool down the house, rather than letting the central air do its thing. The plusses of autumn for me include, in no particular order: 1) Saying hello to the NFL regular season and MLB playoffs. I guess I can mention that the NBA and NHL usually start around this time, but I really don’t care about either’s regular season. 2) Once again, the weather. The temperature isn’t yet cold, and after several months of hot and humid surroundings, it’s nice to turn off the central air and open up the windows, if only for a few weeks. The minuses of autumn: 1) While my days of mowing the lawn are numbered for the year around this time, there’s the raking of leaves, which always sucks. However, this is only a once-a-year occurrence, unlike the constant growing grass. 2) The dread of knowing that snow is right around the corner. For the last few years I had always pegged myself as a “spring” person, although after looking at what I have just written, it seems to me that autumn would probably be my season of preference. The only real negative to autumn is knowing that winter is fast approaching in October than it is in April. Weird.

Not anymore. Good lord was that awful. A United Nations peacekeeping force has a better chance of stopping France from performing genocide than those kids wearing expensive underroos, or whatever the hell this "body armor" is supposed to be, have at winning a game.

I don't bother with breakfast, although sometimes steak 'n eggs makes a great dinner.

And I wonder what side you sit at. Actually, I'd guess you'd just order take-out and eat it at home in front of your Ralph Nader poster.

High school drama ain't got nothing on you.

I've also seen "Dream On" outside of HBO, and wasn't "Tales From The Crypt" a first-run HBO show? And even though the shows will be edited, it's smart of HBO to do this. Not only do these shows get more exposure, but also it might tempt people who haven't seen these programs unedited to either buy the DVDs or subscribe to HBO.

• Ha. I was right. When watching ESPN this morning, the "draft experts" are busting on the Texans for not taking Reggie Bush. OMG what is wrong with them (Tom Jackson or Michael Irvin, I can’t remember which one, called him a player you only see “once-in-a-lifetime.”). Why, if they drafted Reggie then the could contend for the AFC South with the Colts and Jags. Some ESPN schmoe also said that if they would have drafted Bush then the Texans would have one of the most imposing offenses in the league. Funny, I remember other teams that recently drafted for offense -- Detroit and Arizona -- and look how great they turned out. Like I've said before, I have no clue as to who any of these college players are, but it seems like many teams in the early first round did well with their pics, I guess. The Steelers moved a few slots up to get some hippie receiver from Ohio State. Uh, yay, I guess. Of course, I found out about this pick when turning on the late-night news and also seeing people tailgating outside of Heinz Field and a wedding party outside waving Terrible Towels. The sports talk radio should be interesting this upcoming week, considering most people had the Steelers pegged as drafting Lendall White from USC. In the end, I guess this was the best pick for the Steelers, considering they had lost two of the top three receivers over the past couple of years -- Plaxico Burress and Antowain Randel-El. Oh, and I also find it funny that Vince Young and White are going to play on the same team, provided both survive training camp. • I heard on the radio that some commies from Carnegie Mellon University created this video game on how to achieve peace in the Middle East. Basically, you take either the side of the Muslims or Jews and you have to react to situations, whether they are homicide bombers blowing up Israeli nightclubs or demolition crews flattening some Palestinian house. Oh, I'm sure this game is non-linear. Let's see. React with force when Abdul blows up a cafe -- GAME OVER. • In my area a local topic has been brewing up over a different kind of draft. In a yuppie school district, some kids created this "Top 25 chicks" list of girls from their school and has graded each of them on all the important things, like breast size, derrieres, whether they put out, etc. Well, some people in the area are shocked and appalled over this, and some parents are demanding justice, even saying this is the equivalent of "written rape." Personally, I find the whole thing funny as hell, and I’m sure this is only motivating other boys from neighboring school districts to created one of these newsletters. Note to offended parents: If you think a "draft" like this is bad, you should hear what it's like in a school locker room, or in the basement of a kids house when him and his friends are talking about the opposite sex. • When watching various first-round NHL Playoff games this past week, I have to say that some of my favorite crowds are from western Canada, particularly Edmonton and Calgary. Not only are they loud, but also they really seem to get into the action, which in many instances make the game even more enjoyable to watch.

Or we can just get rid of all the Muslims.