kkktookmybabyaway

• Well the NFL draft is tomorrow, and if you are looking for a place that will give you all the latest news and insight to this annual event … well, then keep on looking. I like the NFL draft and all, but I’m not glued to the television set for the entire weekend because it’s on. Actually, I have no idea who any of these can't miss mega-star college players are. With that being said, I’ll be sure to tune in several times during the day to see who gets picked where; I might even have it on as background noise depending on what I’m doing around the house. However, I do have one thought about this year’s draft. I’m sure Reggie Bush is a fine athlete and all, but is he really the second coming of Christ? Better yet, is he really what the Houston Texans need at this time? Unless Bush can block with the strength of three linemen, I don’t think he’s going to help out the Texans with their biggest problem since entering the league – pass protection. But then again, if Houston doesn’t draft Bush, and trades down a few spots to let some other team get him and ends up with that offensive lineman that’s supposed to go real early and a few other early-round picks, I’m sure Chris Berman will say mean things about the Texans front office, and we can’t have that. UPDATE: Uh, oh. I just saw on ESPN that it looks like the Texans are going to take that Williams guy with the first overall pick. Man, I wouldn't want to be Houston's General Manager tomorrow. • For the last several weeks our one cat Max has had a urinary tract infection. Basically, what this means is that he’s spending half the day in a litter box trying to pee out whatever fluid is inside him. While this can be serious, especially if there is blockage (which he doesn’t have), the vet has said his condition isn’t too bad. At first we had him on some antibiotics, but they didn’t do the job. Now he’s on some stronger stuff, and we’re going to have to change his, and the other two cats’, diet. In other words, we’re going to have to buy some overpriced shit and a water-purifying machine. Now although Max is acting normal (or at as normal as he acts) he’s still making a beeline for the nearest litter box a dozen or so times per day. Last night as I laid in bed, our female cat Dessa hopped up and laid down between the better half and me; she always sleeps with us. Now sometimes Max jumps up on the bed, too, but the problem is Dessa doesn’t take kindly to him or our other cat, JJ. This results in Max usually just laying beside me, away from Dessa. Well, that was the case last night. However, at around 2:30 in the morning I felt this weight upon my upper body and this water on/around my collarbone. Problem was it wasn’t water – Max was peeing on me. Yep. I have no idea why the little bastard decided to relieve himself on top of me, but thank god he hardly had anything in him. Fortunately I woke up when he was finished and he quickly jumped off me; I don’t know what I would have done had I been awake when he decided to start. The good news, if there is any to come from this, is that I think he was aiming for a crevice in the comforter or something and none of the urine got on the bed, although my pillows are going to take a trip to the washing machine tonight (while dealing with this infection a few times he’s tried to pee on towels that were crumpled up on the floor, which has us thinking he didn’t have time to make it to a litter box and needed a makeshift toilet). I guess it could have been worse. He could have been going number two. Or my mouth could have been open.

Had I jewed him out of the bill, I'm sure there would have been some toliet paper (or worse) on my lawn come Devil's Night. I remember what I was like when I was that age. That's also the reason I always buy from these brats when the come by the house selling shit for school.

Haven't seen this one. Guess that's a good thing.

Oh, man. My friend who had that party I talked about was a HUGE Suns fan, and he was near suicidal when the Suns were down 0-2 to the Lakers. Also, the #8 Nuggets took the Jazz to seven games in the next round, if memory serves.

• So I was listening to some RIGHT-WING RADIO today, and I heard this gem from Nancy Pelosi, “We have two oil men in the White House … The logical follow up from that is $3/gallon gasoline. It is no accident. It is a cause and effect.” How the fuck did this bitch ever get elected. Oh, yeah. California. • Swift Terror recently talked about getting some kid to mow his lawn (dude, your yard isn’t that big, you lazy piece of shit), and I would strongly advice against it. When the better half and I moved into our house in July of 2004, the old couple we bought the house from kept it in very good shape. Well, the upstairs bathroom looks like it is a relic from the 1970s, but that’s no big deal; those people had trouble going up stairs and didn't care much about that part of the house. Anyway, one thing they didn’t do anything about for a month or so was their yard, and frankly I don’t blame them. Anyway, when we moved in one of the things we had to get was a lawn mover – we had always rented and never had to deal with cutting grass. Our thinking was instead of buying a mower and weed whacker then having to move it along with our other furniture and belongings, we would just buy these products once everything else gets settled in. Well, a day or so after everything was moved into the new house, and we were in the process of unpacking, this kid came up to our house and asked if we wanted our lawn mowed. I had to laugh because God only knows what the neighbors thought of our neglectful ways regarding lawn care. I said “oh what the heck,” and agreed to have the kid cut our lawn. After all, it would just be one thing out of the way and I could focus on settling in. The kid came over a day or so later on one of those mowers you drive instead of push. A short time later he was done and I paid him. Then I went outside and took a gander at what he did. Ugh. Uneven patches of grass were everywhere, the edges of the lawn weren’t trimmed and there was no consistent mowing pattern. I appreciate the entrepreneurship of this kid, but damn he did a shitty job. I will say however that something good came out of this – he motivated me to soon thereafter purchase some landscaping equipment of my own. • A while back I gave my opinion of Talker Magazine's best of RIGHT-WING RADO list and one of the people I didn't (and couldn't) comment on was some guy named Dave Ramsey. Well, since I recently discovered WPIT in Shittsburgh, which carries his show in the afternoons, I now give him my seal of approval. Basically, he's a money-management guy. Nothing too exciting, but after listening to politics and sports discussion all day, this is a nice change of pace; he's like a younger Bruce Williams -- MUCH younger. Oh, and on Ramsey's show today, he mentioned that 550 WKRC in Cincinnati, which carries his show from 10 p.m. - midnight is having an on-line poll asking who should take over the 9 a.m. - noon timeslot now open since Tony Snow left his radio show for other career opportunities. Even though I no longer live in the southwest Ohio region, I'm sure you all know who I voted for.

"I paid $60 to fill my SUV." Priceless.

That was a quick break.

Fielding uses win shares, too? I don't even know what these things are (and don't care to know, either).

• So I was listening to Dr. Laura today and she was pimping some book about how feminism sucks or something; I wasn’t really paying attention. However, when she was reading some promo sheet about this chick’s other books I began listening and heard the following: Like I said before, I really don’t care about this housewife/career woman shit, but the line about the laundry got a hearty laugh, because that is so the truth. At the kkk house, the better half has for years bitched about the way I fold the laundry towels, as if there’s some official way to fold them. Believe it or not, these bitch sessions got quite heated at times; all because I didn’t fold these things horizontally (or was it vertically?) – of course, if I don’t fold them they stay in the laundry basket for weeks at a time because she never gets around to doing them. Even if I knew how to “properly” fold them, I wouldn’t now just for spite. Another point of contention at our residence deals with yard work. I hate moving the lawn, and for some reason Mrs. kkk thinks all men should revel in bagging weeds and playing with machines able to sever limbs in a flash. Last year, late in the “mowing season” she was bitching at me because I was putting off mowing the yard for a day or two (OK, maybe it was three), and she “threatened” to do it herself. I said “go ahead.” Not even five minutes had passed when she came back in. “I can’t start the lawn mower.” Equal rights my ass. • What the hell is wrong with California? There are times when I seriously question the sanity of my co-workers, but after reading stuff like this I realize it could always be worse (but not by much). • Being part of a drive-by shooting that killed someone and lying about your role to a judge? Six months in jail. Talking about selling weed while serving your time? Eight years. I’m not a real sympathizer to those that get entangled in America’s “War on Drugs” (don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time), but this is too much, even for me.

Hopefully your new team won't be a bunch of slackers, or else it's going to be one long summer.

I hope you at least flush before going in there.

Al, do you have any idea how many times I've heard from local fans... ...since 1993? From what I heard, the Pirates were tinkering with Duke's mechanics in the off-season, and now he's pitching like shit. Last year he was a nice call-up and a happy little local story.

Wow, Sapp and Brooks were picked in the same year and in the same round. I didn't know that. And be nice to Breuner; it's not his fault he didn't catch many passes. Being a TE in Shittsburgh means you block, not catch. When Cowher decided to start throwing the ball to Miller last year, local fans were in disbelief.

But how many win-shares (or glove-shares) did Ozzie get? Who were the Warriors offering? Speaking of Golden State, I remember one year they had several mid-first round picks, which meant they were going to draft a bunch of "ok" players; nobody able to get them deeper in the playoffs. Don Nelson had this sad look when asked if they tried to move up in that year's draft. (I think Chris Gatling was picked with one of those selections, if that helps.)

None. I'm a wild man.

You'd think I'd be here defending O'Reilly (anyone taking notes from Joe Scarborough needs a nail to the head), but I've seen a few shows of the Mencia guy, and I like him. I remember nl-asshole saying mean things about him a while back, too.

Swift Terror was talking about stupid callers to talk-radio shows, and even though there are some gems in the RIGHT-WING RADIO world, the best ones, in my opinion, call in to sports-based shows. Say what you will about Mark Madden back when he was a WCW employee, but his local sports radio talk-show in the Shittsburgh market is entertaining, and the best part of his program is when he opens it up to the callers. Yesterday as I was driving home I heard this genius call in and suggest the following: The Steelers should trade their compensation draft picks, or whatever those things are called that they got for losing some key free agents over the last season or two, and get Matt Leinart. Then, the Steelers could have him on the sideline for a year or two while Ben Roethlisberger played until Matt was ready to take over the job. God I love this town. I don’t consider myself a sports expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I hate fans that over-analyze everything imaginable when it comes to their favorite team or player. When I was in high school sure I knew the batting average of just about every player in the major leagues, but then I grew up. I don't remember the exact time when I realized that my days of memorizing who was on every NHL’s team checking line was over, but sometime during the 1994-95 NBA season I was watching a game and realized I hardly knew any of the players from either team. From then on I haven’t followed sports as closely as I once did, although I still enjoy watching games; I just don’t know the minor-league history of every player that I’m watching. This entry is not meant as a diss to the people that still follow sports; whatever you want to do with your free time is fine with me (besides, I don’t want to insult Bored just yet because I want him to do a review of the 1984 battle to see which shortstop had the best fielding percentage in the National League). I just chose to do other constructive things with my time, like play video games and watch movies. In a way, I’m glad we have the Boreds and Al Keipers at this place, because you can get in-depth perspectives of a variety of subjects related to the sports world and not have to spend any of your own time looking at the back of baseball cards. These guys are certainly better to listen to than one kid I knew in high school. After the Pirates lost in the ’92 NLCS, he gave me his opinion of what the Bucs should do if they were to contend for a fourth division title. He said, “You know, if the Pirates went out and got some pitching, like say that Randy Johnson guy, they might be a pretty good team.” He also added, “Also, if they went out and got another good hitter, like Ken Griffey Jr., I think they could get to the playoffs again.” Genius.

Two Pirate "prospects" make your list (Indy's the AAA team for Shittsburgh). Woo-hoo.

You're just part of the conspriracy to make us belive that conspriracies don't exist. Actually, I'm too lazy to follow up on most of them; and what's this "Holocaust" you speak of?

Good. I like Avery.

• Just heard on the radio that Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell is now bitching about the high gas prices and is calling for a “profit windfall tax.” Ha, you sack of shit. This coming from someone who jacked up the state gas tax a year or so ago. It’s funny that some of the biggest gougers when it comes to gas prices (state and federal government) are calling for an additional tax for when Big Oil makes “too much money.” It’s just like when the government tells us that we’re too fat. Meanwhile, the most obese, out-of-shape person I know is Uncle Sam. Oh, but Rendell is looking out for the little guy -- he's letting them work longer hours when delivering gas. If a Republican governor did this, the unions would have a shit-fit. Can't wait to see what these people say about Fast Eddie. • Great, so the John Rocker of 2006 is going to be Keith Hernandez for saying "Women don’t belong in the dugout.” Now I didn’t listen to the audio of his comment, so I can’t say if he was joking or not, but if he wasn’t, then shame shame. Now I must disclose that I DESPISE female NFL sideline reporters, and I do have a problem with women reporters being allowed in a male locker room after a game. (If male reporters are allowed to enter women’s locker rooms after a contest, then I will strike my previous “locker room” comment; I don’t follow women’s sports so I don’t really know what their post-game policies are. However, I doubt a bunch of fat, ugly male sports reporters would be allowed access to a female locker room right after a volleyball or soccer match.) But regarding Keith’s response, he was talking about some chick that was her team’s personal trainer, and if she’s a good trainer, then she has every right to be in that dugout. No wonder Elaine Bennis turned him down. • Well, Barry Bonds just hit his first home run of the season, so it looks like he will pass Babe Ruth on the all-time home run list. Now some fans want Barry’s stats to have an asterisk by them, or some other disclaimer saying he really didn’t “earn” his place in history due to steroid use. Now I’m a Bonds hater, but I don’t think this “qualifying” of his stats should be done. I’m sure the guy roided up, which is a shame because he was a damn good player even before he forehead exponentially, grew. But Major League Baseball did nothing during the “Steroid era” of the 1990s and early ‘00s, so it would by hypocritical to turn back and suddenly go “OMG you guys were CHEATING?!” Whether Bud Selig and pals turned a blind eye to the drug abuse going on during this time because of the revenue being generated during this time, or because they were afraid of the player’s union threatening to take action over any increased drug-testing regulations, don’t try to revise history. Deal with today’s drug use and make sure the game is cleaned up for the future. As for the past, it happened. Big deal. • For all those in the white-collar work force, it has now become easier to goof off on the Internet. Well at least you can't get fired over it. So I guess now if you get busted looking at on-line porn, you can say that you are reading the Sports page, which have ads like this littered in this section of many metropolitan newspapers. • For those that think the name change from TNN to Spike was stupid, here’s one that gives “We Got Pop” (anyone remember that shit?) a run for its money. The Outdoor Life Network is changing its name to Versus. I loved this line. Yeah, because you can’t think of “NHL” without thinking of “Versus.” If the “u” was changed to another “e” that would make for a pretty cool name for one of the dozen Jesus channels that are part of my cable lineup. Not saying I’d watch one of these stations, but couple a catchy channel name with the Buddy Christ and you might get a few more young people to tune in and watch nuns pray or whatever they hell they do.

Bored, I'm curious. When McGwire went on his '98 home-run fest (and beyond), were people from your area going "Why did we get rid of him?" or were there some grumblings of, "how'd he get so big?"

I can understand "hunters" who spend more time in the cabin getting drunk than actually hunting; after all, it's like a "guys weekend out." The really scary ones are those that use deer pee, or whatever that stuff is, and take it way too seriously.

• I’m not a hunter, but generally I don’t make fun of people that like to do this sort of thing. Personally, getting up at 4 a.m., going out to the wilderness, sitting around in the cold, damp morning air and waiting for a defenseless animal to walk into your sights is not my idea of a good time. However, if it floats your boat, then good for you. Then again, I have to ask what is so impressive about shooting a deer or turkey with a gun or arrow? Go kill a bear or mountain lion with just a knife and your wits; then you can really hang that animal's head up on your wall with pride. Oh, and when the animals fight back, I’ll be rooting for them. Not because I hate hunters, mind you, but rather I’m a sucker for the underdog, or in this case, underbear. • Well the baptism thingy I talked about in yesterday’s entry went off without a hitch, for the most part. The mother-in-law decided to take over and pass the kid around, but that’s the worst which happened so all-in-all it wasn’t a bad day. We then went to the restaurant, where we were supposed to eat at 4 p.m. – we didn’t actually start eating until 5 p.m., and by the time we got out of that place it was past 7 p.m., so that was a nice chunk of 5+ hours on my day off. Oh well, it’s not like this chick is going to pop out another kid anytime soon, or at least for nine months. • I’m sure many of you would agree with me that the winter months produce more automobile accidents and delays, but goddamn whenever spring really starts to get in effect the carnage seems just as bad. My commute from work been at least 10-15 minutes longer each day because of more traffic, accidents, broken-down vehicles and road construction projects which have the orange barrels/cones up with nobody actually working at the scene. And on top of that, there seemingly has been at least one car accident per day on the highway I drive on. At least when there’s snow falling down, the only people you have to worry about are the idiots with four-wheel drive going 60+ mph; when the weather’s nice it seems everyone thinks they’re a NASCAR driver. • I was watching SportsCenter this morning, and they brought up a stat that talked about the NHL referees actually calling penalties in this year’s Stanley Cup Playoffs. It’s about goddamn time. I like hard-hitting hockey as much as the next person, but not at the expense of illegally clutching and grabbing a team’s star skill players and hampering the on-ice product. I never understood why officials allowed teams around this time of year to get away with play that would have netted them a penalty in the regular season. Hopefully, enforcing the rules will continue on into the later rounds and make the NHL as a whole better. • I don’t know what would stink more: Your house getting blasted with 3,000 gallons worth of sewage, or hearing your local government promise they will clean up and repair the damage to your residence. In the article it says the house has a tax value of $101k while estimates for cleanup range from $75-150k – if I were this poor family, I’d rather pack up and move than to rely on the government to clean my, literal, shithole up.

I've only used Whitestrips. Was fine for me, I guess.