kkktookmybabyaway

One of my rules to maintaining a happy existence is not to get involved in matchmaking. Heed these words of wisdom. The reason I bring this up now is because the better half is trying to play Chuck Woolery (only without the penis) with one of her friends. I talked about this chick a while back, and to make a long story short she’s approaching the ripe old age of 27 and is moaning that she’s going to be an unwedded, childless spinster for the rest of her life. A few years ago she was slated to get married, but her groom-to-be bailed with two months to go before the big day. Ever since then she’s been trying desperately to find Mr. Right, or even Mr. He’s Not That Bad. Let me do a quick rundown of some of the guys she’s bedded since the jilting. There was this one guy with webbed feet who told her he just wanted to be friends; friends that fuck, that is. Oh, and from what I heard, this guy is under a court order never to be near his child from a previous marriage. There was that guy who was her date at my wedding, got shit-faced and talked about suicide after she broke up with him. He wasn’t that bad a guy, but she had decided she couldn’t be with him because she was in love with the webbed foot person. The most recent guy called it quits Sunday with her because, according to him, she didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Of course, his definition of “going out” involved her attending his weekly pool and bowling league competitions (the final blow for him came when she didn't attend one of these leagues Saturday night). Oh, and this guy also refers to himself in the third person. I should mention that her taste in men has been less-than-stellar even before the “wedding, or lack thereof” incident. Before this, she dated some guy in high school who used to beat the shit out of her (oddly enough, I found out later that this guy was the grandson of the elderly family the better half and I bought our house from). She also dated some guy who was sentenced for several months in jail for two charges of corruption of a minor (prosecutors tried to get him on rape, but to no avail). Also, the guy she was supposed to marry wasn’t all up there either; one time when Mrs. kkk and her were having a “girls’ night out” at a local restaurant, I was told this guy called her on the cell phone a dozen times in a two-hour period. He thought she was cheating on him; as it turns out, he dumped her to be with some gal he was boning on the side, not to mention in the missionary position, doggy-style, etc. Anyway, after Mr. Talks In The Third Person dumped her last night, she called the better half crying hysterically because this guy was going to be "the one," or at least "the next one." When this phone call ended, my beloved said that she wanted to set her friend up with this guy who was the brother of the ex-boyfriend of her niece. Now I have nothing against my niece’s ex; in fact, I’d rather have him as a nephew than the out-of-control teen that is my niece-in-law. When Mrs. kkk asked me what I thought of setting her friend up, I looked up from watching an all-day James Bond marathon and said it was a bad idea. A very bad idea. I can understand if you’re a chick and want to help your friend find Mr. Right. I can understand if you’re a guy and want to hook up your buddy with some quick poon. But you just don’t do it. If I know someone and another of my acquaintances inquires as to the availability of said friend, I’ll let them know if they’re in a relationship or on the open market. I might even give a personality overview like “Yeah, she’s nice,” or “He’s a good guy.” Hell, if I get annoyed by my friend constantly talking him or her, I might even say something like “Well then ask her out dip shit.” But under no circumstances will I go any further than that. And besides, I can’t wait until the better half’s friend hooks up with some slime ball just because he stayed around her longer than three weeks. Hopefully some children will be involved, which will only add to the fun stories that are sure to come from this match made in heaven.

Just read that kid in the first post was trying to run cops over -- fuck him.

Because it needs to be emphasized. ...

Boring? Friday and Saturday nights in Middletown were kickin' -- at least it seemed that way since I always saw cop cars with their flashing lights going after motorists on my street.

We want pics.

You're going to smart schools, so my input will be limited, but RWC brought up a good point regarding getting undergrad debt under control, because you will be paying a lot for grad school

Aw, man. Spike Lee directed that movie? I might have to re-think whether or not I want to watch this now.

There was a black player in England ... used to put one down his shorts. Was there any room down there for fruit?

If you think fans in the U.S. are crazy, those in Europe and South America far outclass us. It'd be great if a black athlete scores a goal in this competition and as celebration whips out a banana and starts eating it on the field.

I think it's kinda hot.

If you don’t read Bored’s blog, which deals mostly with sports stuff, especially when it comes to nostalgia-related matters, then get your hippie ass over there now. While I’m not one for debating who was more deserving of seventh place for the 1991 Cy Young award (I don't even know who won it -- Jack Morris?), he recently said something that struck a chord with me. When debating which multi-millionaire deserved the 2003 AL MVP award, he remarked, “And god damn do baseball cards suck now or what?” Yes they do. And thanks for the idea. As a kid, I loved collecting sports cards, particularly those dealing with baseball and football. In the 1980s and early 1990s I actively took part in this hobby. However, after around 1993 I stopped collecting, mostly because it seemed that the industry went from collecting for fun to collecting for money. Packs of cards that used to cost 50 cents for a pack of 15 (and that gum – blech) went up to several dollars for a pack of less than 10 cards. No thanks. I never collected cards for the money; I collected out of nostalgia. Now that I’m older, I’m grateful that I’ve managed to hold onto these little pieces of memorabilia. A few months ago I opened up my collection and went through some boxes, just to see how the cards are holding up, and I couldn’t get myself away from shuffling through thousands upon thousands of these cards. The last time I did any sort of “inventory” on my cards was in the late 1990s, and one of these days I need to go back and re-organize these bad boys. Like I said, most of my collecting was done during the 1980s and early 1990s, but I also have a few cards from the 1970s and 1960s that I picked up at various shows and hobby stores over the years. However, for me the 1980s and early 1990s were a great time for collecting baseball cards, and below is a list of my favorite designs of this era. Keep in mind I do just about everything in life half-assed, so I have no real criteria or rhyme or reason for some of the years I prefer. The only rule I set was to make each of my “Top 5” from a different company. The reason for this is there are a few designs I like with similar layouts, so that’s kind of like double-dipping to me (see the 1986 and 1991 Donruss brands below). Without further ado, here is my Top 5. Keep in mind the rankings are determined by an extremely complicated win-share formula that if I showed you I'd have to kill you. Number 5: 1988 Score I didn’t collect a lot of this brand, which came out toward the end of my collecting days, but I always liked the 1988 year, mostly because of bright color schemes on the front. Plus I liked that little triangle at the bottom where the player’s name and position is, and there was that white frame around the player's image; those were some nice touches. I give this a 20 win-share. Number 4: 1990 Donruss I was never a fan of Donruss cards, although like I said above, they had a design scheme in 1986 that I liked, which was used again (sorta) in their 1991 set. However, I also dug their 1990 design, which seemed to be a drastic change from how they usually produced their cards. Donruss went with a base red color and an artsy font for names. In addition, the “speckles” used as an enhancer effectively broke up the solid background. I give this a 35 win-share. Number 3: 1990 Upper Deck I have a love-hate relationship with Upper Deck. When these cards came out on the market, it was an omen that my days of being involved with this hobby were numbered. These cards were pricier than what I had been used to collecting, and there weren’t as many cards per pack, but damn there some nice-looking designs. The 1989-1991 sets all pretty much looked the same, so I went with the 1990 brand because it had a simpler design than the other two years, and when you dealt with cards that looked this good, sometimes it’s best to keep it simple. I give this a 75 win-share. Number 2: 1987 Topps Topps was the big dog of card companies during this time, but I never really got into their designs; most of the time they just seemed stale. However, 1987 was an exception. That wooden background brought out the colorful box where the player’s name was printed. Also, it was a near-perfect complement to the team logo, which was at the top left corner of the card. I give this a 76 win-share. (Originally I had the Topps brand at number 3 and Upper Deck at number 2, but upon further review I couldn’t let the brand that helped bring about my disinterest in the industry lounge in the second slot.) Number 1: 1984 Fleer: By far my favorite baseball card design, and I really can’t explain why. There was no real color coordination for teams, like the 1987 Topps or 1988 Score cards. There wasn’t a fancy background, like the 1990 Donruss brand, and it certainly wasn’t made of the same quality as the 1991 Upper Deck set. However, the white background meshes perfectly with the blue bars, and the white and black text is a great combination, as is the placement of the team’s logo on the lower right corner. This gets a 10,000 win-share for me. Like I said before, there were a few other cards that I liked which didn’t make the cut. They include, in no particular order: 1986 Donruss 1991 Donruss (note the resemblance in design, or at least there is one for me) 1989 Fleer 1982 Topps 1990 Topps. In addition, there was a 1988 Classic Card series that for some reason I’ve always liked, and it dealt with Phil Nieko’s final year in the major leagues. There’s one card featuring him on the Indians, another card of him pitching for the Blue Jays and a final card of him finishing off his career where it started, with the Braves. But baseball cards weren’t the only things I collected. There was also football, a topic I’ll cover in a future entry.

You're right. Today's baseball cards suck. And I'd give it to A-Rod because he's not a terrorist, unlike the other one.

That made me laugh. As did this line. Well no shit, genius. If you don't laugh at these people, you'd go insane (the racists, not the black athletes, mind you).

• I talked about Larry the Cable Guy a few days ago, and I’m going to do so again. I was flipping through channels last night and saw two interviews featuring him. The first one was on CMT; no surprise there. I had this on as background noise while cooking dinner, and the most interesting part was when I heard him say that he was a Reagan conservative. I guess that’s better than him not being one. But what really threw me for a loop was later on that evening when he was on Hannity & Colmes. Well, I’d rather listen to his jokes than most of the guests they have on that show. The highlight of that interview was when he talked to Alan. He said that when Colmes had his radio show in Orlando, that Larry was the guy who would call into his show, say “nobody cares what you think” and hang up. The sad thing is I believe this story. Oh, and he also called Bill O'Reilly a communist. • Since I’m a retard when it comes to social etiquette and other hippies stuff like that, I’m not sure if I’m in the right or wrong when it comes to this very important issue. Long story short: The mother-in-law received a tin of cookies for Christmas from her one niece, who lives with her father’s family. About a week ago the niece who gave the cookies told the mother-in-law that her uncle who gave her the cookie tin wants it back. (I’m not even going to attempt to explain this family tree because it’s one of broken families that would take about 1,000 words for me to set up.) Now when you make cookies or some other baking concoction and present it in a tin, I’m always under the assumption that you give the tin away as well as what’s inside this container. Now if the person who does the giving asks for the tin back at the start of the transaction, that’s different, but what’s the point of giving someone a tin container if you are going to want it back later? Why not just give away the baked goods in some crappy throw-away Tupperware? Truly, this is one incident that will rock the very foundation of our society. • This has been a bad week for pets. First a British stray cat that became a mainstay of the Prime Minister’s place died at 18 years of age, and now some turtle that was supposedly the pet of an officer in colonial India around the middle of the 18th century also passed away. Dang. 18 years for a cat and 250 for a tortoise? Can’t say they didn’t get their money’s worth on this planet. • Man, if we ran elections like they do over in the Ukraine, which will have a voting ballot over two-feet long, well, let’s just say there will be a bunch of far-sighted Jews in Florida that will get disenfranchised. At least the good thing is that with all the names to choose from, they probably would have plenty of candidates to mistakenly pick from than just Pat Buchanan. • Great, the Dixie Terrorists are coming out with another album. Much like their previous albums, I won’t care (I’m not a country music fan). However, I can’t wait to hear all the media hoopla about if their more conservative listeners will “forgive” them for the stuff they said back a few years ago about our Commander in Chief. You have the freedom to say whatever you want, but other people are also free to say “fuck you three bitches.”

But how would you know they're illegal, because I thought the law in California was that the cops can't check to see if they're a citizen? Then again, I'm sure Pedro wouldn't know this anyway. I was the same way when I went back to playing video games (I basically skipped gaming from '95-'00 due to school, and after I graduated the money wasn't there so I just stayed with my old Genesis games. But if these damn kids can do it, why not us? MLB '05 is giving me fits, which is why I haven't really done a franchise with this game yet. Pro mode is way too easy for me, but All-Star mode games just end up being 3-0 losses with the other team hitting several solo home-runs. I'm still in the minors with this one, so to speak.

Fear the bear. I could stand on the beach, moon the fish and laugh all day while he swims back and forth, unable to get me.

I hope the cops got a few good swings in. Do local reporters in your state ever ask these idiots why they start these chases?

Slayer

Well because you're sticking it to the evil, rich fatcat corporations.

At least they didn't use Joe Camel's image. And I didn't think pot sellers put that much effort into their craft. Good job, Beyond Bomb.

I don't know, and I fully admit the double standard I have with this issue. I tried doing franchises with other teams in the past (Bengals, Redskins, Broncos, Dodgers, White Sox, Maple Leafs and Flames, to name a few), and it just didn't feel right. One reason might be that I am more familiar with the local players, but the real reason is probably because, for as much as I hate to admit it, there might be a wee bit of a homer somewhere in me within the depths of my dark soul. Although if I was ever to do a "sim" game where I got to run a city, rest assured I wouldn't want to be in charge of the place you so affectionately named in your post.

• There are a lot of things in this world that piss me off, but in the grand scheme of things most of these things are nothing I lose sleep over. However, there are a few things that truly get me mad. One of them is when a police officer is involved in a shooting, and some shitbag lawyer or ACLU-type bitch complains that the cop had to shoot and kill the suspect. Usually, their reasoning is, “Well couldn’t the officer have shot the person in the arm or leg?” Another thing that just angers me to no end are these high-speed police chases. On Wednesday the FAUX NEWS REPORT (lol2006) spent half of the program broadcasting one of these pursuits taking place in California. Not only was this asshole suspected of Grand Theft Auto, but also he was going 80-90 mph in residential areas. I’m sure this asshole eventually got caught; I don’t care how great a person he was before this chase, but he should never see the light of day after trying to avoid the law and putting the lives of innocent motorists and pedestrians around him in danger. The said thing is if he would have gotten into an accident and killed someone, some people would blame the cops for chasing him. Anyone that starts one of these pursuits should be charged with attempted vehicular homicide or something for every car or pedestrian he or she passes. These people should never breath the sweet air of freedom for the rest of their miserable existence. • This is why I hate picking games/tournament brackets/etc. I loathe the Duke Blue Devils, but I was hoping they’d win last night because I had them losing to Boston College in the Championship Game several rounds down the road in my bracket. Bastards. • Last night I got to catch up on my video game playing. First I put in NHL ’06, where I was riding a humble one-game winning streak after losing six in a row (I’m in my first season in franchise mode, or whatever the hell it’s called). I can deal with losing, but each game I lost during this streak was by one goal, and several of them were lost in the last 20 seconds of the third period. I’m about seven points out of the playoff hunt. I’m only 20 or so games in the season, so I’m still trying to get used to the game play. However, last night I was dreading going up against the Florida Panthers, who are in first place in their division and had a 98-rated goaltender. To my surprise I won 5-3, although I almost blew a three-goal lead. (For the record, I play 5-minute periods at the hard, but not impossible, level with the penalty bar maxed out.) I’m not sure what to do with the Pens; I’m planning on dumping Sergei Gonchar before the trading deadline. He’s my best defenseman, but he’s also eating up a $5 million/year salary, and I’ll need that money to sign some of my younger players in the next year or so. I’m also torn on whether or not to trade Lemieux – I know he’s going to retire after this season, but damnit, he’s MARIO LEMIEUX! Besides, he’s the only center I have that’s any good, although Kraft does OK on the second line, especially when playing a Behind the Net offense scene. And, damnit, I’d be trading away MARIO LEMIEUX! • After NHL ’06, I popped in Madden ’05 and lost against the Bengals for the second time this season. My running game was stuffed, although Maddox did have 370 yards passing, his best of the season so far. It was one of the more exciting games I had in recent memory, and if I have to lose a game this is the way I want to go out – 20-26 in OT. I had two chances to win in OT, but I couldn’t convert a 4th and 1 at their 38-yard line, and on my next drive I came up just short on a 53-yard FG attempt. (I recently started over with my franchise and have it at all-star setting with the penalties maxed out and 13-minute quarters.)

What a relief; that segment was as retarded as the guy who wears the bicycle helmet and bags your groceries with the eggs underneath the gallon of milk. And considering another Ciny tradition is to put pig sculptures up all over the place, I'll goof on whatever I want.

Tony Snow?! Oh Lord. Now that I think back, that radio station sucked. Those morning people were awful. Who were the WLW afternoon guys that did the retarded "We don't, we don't, we don't mess around" chant (please tell me McConnell isn't one of them)? I think that's what turned me off of WLW was hearing that.

Is Beck still on WKRC, or are you not allowed radios at work? Also, does McConnell deal with local issues for his morning show? He seems to be a libertarian-type guy, which is good, because it's always funny to rile up the Jesus freaks. When he gave his take on the syndicated show about Schiavo, boy did he get some hell for it. I didn't agree with him on the subject, but the people calling in were just awful.