kkktookmybabyaway

Whenever I got to the barbershop, I tip.

Godzilla > King Kong. And Rodan's my n*gga, although I never got into that caterpillar thing with the tiny chicks (Mothra?).

The Hula Hoop? Good God. I was wondering what they'd do since they ran out of decades to comment on.

I don't sell DVDs, CDs or video games that I buy because my theory is that maybe one day down the road I might find this current purchase enjoyable. Napoleon Dynamite is really making me re-think this policy of mine.

• I’m not a huge fan of television. I mean, I watch it plenty, but if it doesn’t involve news or sports I don’t tune in every week to watch. Thanks to DVDs, I have started buying a few shows (The Shield, South Park, Lost, to name a few) and watch them commercial-free and at my leisure. That being said, I was channel surfing yesterday afternoon and came across the E! network, who apparently boughts the right to re-air “The Simple Life,” starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Now although this show is several years old, it’s new to me. Oh my God what a train wreck. I have no words to describe what I saw for that 30 minutes or so. I mean … wow. That’s all I have to say on this matter. Just … wow. • So this chick is selling ad space on her pregger belly, and some Internet company will broadcast the eventual birth. I have to give this lady props for being creative, but she would have made even more money had she auctioned broadcasting rights to this kid’s conception nine months prior. • In order to cut costs, many newspapers are dropping those pages of stock prices. Makes sense to me. After all, most people can get the results on-line. And if someone does not have Internet access, I’m sure they aren’t checking the stock page on a daily basis anyway. • Wow, not as many people are going to see movies. I’m sure the mindset in Hollywood now it not to make films people want to see, but rather they haven’t produced enough gay cowboy films. • And speaking of gay cowboy films, I finally got around to watching “Hidalgo;” sadly, it wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. However, what stuck out to me were all the offensive things that occurred to Muslim men in this film. I mean, I thought going overseas with your mixed breed horse to participate in some dessert race was one of the worst things you could do to a Muslim male (it appeared that way from the reaction Frank Hopkins and his horse received). But then I realized that wanting to shake hands and ruin the ability for a sheik to see into the future was one of the worst things you could do to a Muslim male. However, I soon noticed that wanting to help a fellow racer stuck in quicksand or whose steed turned up lame was one of the worst things you could do to a Muslim male. But then I saw that touching a daughter while protecting her from unseen attackers (or at least that’s what you thought they were at the time) was one of the worst things you could do to a Muslim male (not to mention one of the worst things you could do to your reproductive organs). I’m surprised this film was even made, what with all the offensive material directed at the Muslim male in it. Hopefully, this movie isn’t seen by any radical clerics wanting to stir up trouble; if some cartoons can cause widespread mayhem and death, Allah only knows what’s going to happen with this film filled with RACISM and hate.

My hometown of Sharpsburg was never anything stellar, and I doubt it has gotten much better since I moved away in the mid-80s. The one township I lived in from '88-'96 has gone downhill. From what I hear, there are a few crackhouses springing out (wait, this is white-man's land; they're meth labs). I've been living at the same residence for about two years. It's a nice, quiet area, although one family had to move because the bank foreclosed on their house (from what I heard, they got themselves into needless debt due to bad investments/gambling/etc. -- fuck 'em, if that's the case), and the hosue across from me is vacant, but the person who owns it doesn't live there and doesn't want to sell.

What was number 1? I'm almost afraid to ask.

I'm curious about this Hills remake -- is it a better remake than the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (it couldn't be much worse)?

Eh, I stole a few candy bars in my youth, too. Where were these types of chicks when I was that age? Hmm, this is tricky for me. There are many things I do that would be considered improper in public situations, but most of them are done in defense as a result of a product of the underclass; you have to fight fire with fire, imo. My “WTF is wrong with you?!” came when I was 18. I was working at an arcade and we had these games where people could win tokens for our lame prize booth. Well, these two kids from the city (I’m guessing around 8th-9th grade) were trying to redeem their tickets and asked me if they had enough for these two crappy prizes. One was worth nine tokens and one was worth six. These two had 20 tokens. I asked them what’s 9+6 – THEY DIDN’T KNOW. I said they had just enough and gave the extra five tokens to this kid behind them that was able to do basic math; the look this kid’s mom had when those two aforementioned kids couldn’t add 9+6 was priceless. That doesn’t bother me too much, although I had an “Alvin and the Chipmunks Sing the Beatles” album when I was a kid, so I always knew “A Hard Day’s Night,” among a few others. I guess I should be thankful I don’t know who this Daddy Yankee or Chemical Romance is. The solution to your predicament is simple: Move to the suburbs. And when the city trash begins to reach the outer limits of suburbia (and they will because the government always likes to try these failed assimilation programs where they give to welfare recipients for free what your family spent a lifetime working for), move again. It's called "white flight" and it rocks (although anyone who is relatively well-off and has half a brain engage in this practice, no matter what their race is).

I wondered about the Wedding Crashers, too. Way too long and it should have ended after that weekend at the yuppie house. The funniest thing for me was I saw this right before Dick Cheney's quail hunting accident. 40-yo-virgin was too long for me as well, but it was much, much better. I thought it was going to be stupid going in, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Third verse, different from the first. • Kim Komando comes in at number 24, and she’s some tech chick. Being in my local market, I’ve listened to her show a few times if I’m driving somewhere. Nothing special, but she’s managed a niche market for herself, so you go girl. • Bill Bennett, number 25. You can bet that I have no desire to listen to this show. • I’ve seen one-half of the number 26 Curtis and Kuby duo on Hannity’s radio and television show. The one who’s not the commie started the Guardian Angels or something. I guess that’s good. • Clark Howard chimes in at number 27. He’s on from 6-10 on my shitty WPTT station, so I haven’t heard his show but once or twice. However, he’s been on Boortz’s show (they broadcast from the same flagship station), and I’ve listened to some hippie daily minute sound bite he does. He’s cheaper than me, and that’s saying something. • George Noory is number 28. I didn’t care for Art Bell (How many times has he retired now?), and I don’t care for this kook. Look, if listening to overnight radio like this is your thing, then cool. I remember listening to Bell before the year 2000 hit, and some of the Y2K stuff he was going off about was utterly insane. Also, how many goddamn phone numbers does this show have? To call west of the Rockies, dial this; to call east of the Rockies, dial that. If you’re in the phone booth down the street, call the underground line. Christ almighty. • Michael Medved comes in at number 29. He’s a Jew and reviews movies. I’ve heard him sub for Rush, and I’ve seen him on cable news and C-Span. Lots of people that don’t like the Parents Television Council and the Media Research Center don’t like Medved, so I’m sure there are some things I would like about him and others I’d just roll my eyes over. • 30-32: Huh? • 33: I know nothing of this Lionel hippie other than that his show got canned when I lived in Ohio in favor of Michael Savage’s show. • 34-37: I’ve heard of Tom Leykis (34), but I’ve never observed him in any media outlet. The others in these entries are nothing to me. • 38: Ugh, I wouldn’t mind Rush using sub hosts if many of them weren’t so awful. Roger Hedgecock is one of those who when I hear his voice I know I’ll be tuning in to Jim Rome that day. In fact, the only sub host I enjoy listening to is Walter Williams. • 39: Pass. • Tony Snow is number 40. I didn’t care for him when he subbed for Rush, but I guess I’m in the minority since he has his own show now. More power to him, I guess. Just don’t expect me to listen to it. • Oh God, G. Gordon Liddy’s (number 41) show was on in Sappy Valley and it was boring as shit. Hell, most of the time he just read from the newspaper in a monotone voice that would make Ben Stein sleepy. One thing that did made me chuckle was his constant refusal to say “Washington Post” (he always bleeped out the “Post” part. Gee, I wonder why? • I’ve heard of numbers 42-44 in one way or another over the years, but I don’t care about any of them. Also, who the hell is number 45? • Mike and Mike in the morning on ESPN radio comes in at number 46 – I have better things to do with my mornings than listen to this. • Man, Vern Gagne was pissed when Phil Hendrie was announced at number 47 while Air America people were ranked 20+ spots higher. Sadly, I have listened to his program for about 20 minutes one night while driving in an area that carried his show, so I can’t really comment on him. But if Vern and MikeSC like him, then I’m sure his OK. Also, anyone that does a character voice for the “Team America” movie can’t be all that bad (he was the voice of “Intelligence”). • Never heard of numbers 48 or 50, but Dennis Prager (who’s at number 49) has been pimped by a few people I know. That’s all I got. God damnit, I thought I’d be done with this by now, but I’m only half-way finished? Zoinks.

When my two nieces were shilling their wares, the better half came home one night and the following conversation was held: "Honey, I bought some girl scout cookies off of Heather and Emily, will you split the cost with me?" "How much?" "$60." "I don't think so." Now the mother-in-law isn't talking to me (been about a month or so). Not sure yet if this is supposed to make me feel regretful.

Depending on where you live there might be some more local chains that we haven't heard of. Shop around your area and record the prices you're offered for a number of CDs and DVDs. Once you do this once you won't have to worry about finding the right places again.

After the first 3-5 seconds, I thought better of continuing.

So a restaurant lures you in with an advertised special and you end up spending more than you thought you would? Get outta here. Interesting point on the lunch/dinner perspective. Lunch at these places seems to be more laid back. (I'm talking about sit-down places, not fast food, which can be crazy.)

$3-5 less? I'm a cheap bastard, but I'm not that bad. When I was in Ohio, it was kinda like that, but not where I live now. Then again, the Shittsburgh area and its surrounding communities aren't known for their trendiness.

I could never just have "lunch" at the GC -- I usually fasted for at least a day before heading over there and filling myself up with all that goodness. It was my Mecca, and Allah didn't mind because he liked going there, too.

But it's your money. Enough of my loot gets taken by the government, I'm not having some shithead sitting a booth away eye up my gratuity like a vulture waitng for a dying zebra to take its last breath.

Depends. And the Golden Corral in Middletown, Ohio, has people bring you drinks (Goddamn do I miss that place -- GC, not Middletown). If someone brings me drinks, I usually leave a tip. Other than that, I don't, although I should since people are clearing tables. And for the record, I'm a great customer because I never leave a mess and have all my plates/etc. neatly organized and ready for quick removal; I HATE families that have several brats who make a mess at their booth and only leave $1-2. Here's another question -- do you just leave tip money on the table? For me, I always include it on the credit card, and if I have to give cash, unless there are no customers in the immediate area, I give it to the waiter/waitress. The reason for this is one time I busted someone not employed with the restaurant taking my tip money off the table. That was a fun moment.

Here is Part II of my take on the top 100 RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts, as determined by Talkers magazine. I ended my last installment with Neal Boortz at number nine, so now let’s get crackin’. • OK, I don’t really care about Air America, but how in the hell are any of them, let alone two, in the Top 20? And if one of them were to be in the Top 10, I’d guess it’d be Al Franken. After all, he has his show on that hippie Independent Film Channel (or at least he did; I don’t know if it’s still on, but I’m guessing it is) and has been the face of Air America since its inception. But no, Randi Rhodes is number 10 – the only thing I know about her is that she ran some bit with a gunshot sound bite a while back, which I guess was to tell us all to kill the President or something. I know that wasn’t its intention; I think it had something to do with Social Security. I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now. • Bill O’Reilly is number 11? LOL. I don’t hate the guy like other people I know, and I do watch “The Factor” every now and then. But damn is his radio show awful. In fact, my local affiliate, KDKA, just moved him from his noon-2 p.m. time slot to late night, which usually means it’s not doing too well. • Mancow completes this dirty dozen. I don’t know much about him. I think he’s based out of Chicago, and whenever I’ve seen him on a certain cable news channel known for being fair and balanced, I have been entertained. If he stays on the air in this format for a long time, I’m sure he’ll eventually replace the local FM morning guy I listen to who, incidentally, is also on this list. • Ed Schultz is number 13. Once again, I haven’t listened to his radio show, but I have seen him in the cable television world. He’s a liberal guy, but the few times I’ve seen him I didn’t think he was all that bad. In fact, the one segment he did with David Horowitz and some other guy, he completely outclassed them. The only think I don’t like about Schultz (and it doesn’t really pertain to him personally) is that NBC’s Today Show did a story on him and called him competition for Rush, even though at the time he was on about four radio stations. I really hate it when Medium-Large Media call the newest liberal talk-radio host the next challenger to Rush. Limbaugh’s on 500 or so radio stations; nobody’s going to directly “challenge” him for a while, if ever. Let any upstart liberal talk-radio guy do his or her thing, and see if they have the ability to beat out the other RIGHT-WING RADIO national hosts in other time slots before even thinking about comparing their success to Rush’s accomplishments. OK, I’m done. • One reason this list is b.s. is because Rhoes and Schultz are ahead of Glenn Beck, who is number 14. I am not a huge Beck fan, but this guy is one of the most-listened to RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts in the country and is getting his own show on Headline News. I wish WPGB would have Boortz in the 10-noon slot, but Beck is the big dog in this time; I guess it could be worse. I must say though that Mrs. kkk LOVES Beck, and I don’t think she would be as right-wing as she is if she didn’t start listening to him when he first went national in 2001. Even though his material is hit-or-miss with me, the fact he’s not in the Top 10 completely discredits this list for me. • Jim Bohannon is number 15. Don’t care. I used to listen to his show when I worked at Sappy Valley just because there was nothing else on. I heard him a few years ago while driving in New Jersey and realized I still wasn’t missing much. • If you ever watch Hannity’s show on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lol2006), you might notice this guy who the camera focuses on every now and then. Well, he’s Alan Colmes, and he also has his own talk show. Sadly, I’ve never heard it, and even though it’s on in my market, I don’t normally listen to talk-radio late at night. I actually like Alan because he’s one of the few liberals with a sense of humor. Here’s one example why I like him: One night the two of them were talking about this incident on a school bus where one kid was beating the crap out of the another kid. Hannity then began to spout some tired gibberish about how liberals wouldn’t want the kid getting beat up to defend himself and said that Alan, when he has a kid of that age, would want his kid to take the abuse. Alan just gave Sean a “wtf?” look and said, "I’d make sure he had a good lawyer.” Well, it made me laugh. • Number 17 is Jim Rome, one of my favorite sports talk guys. He always pimps the interviews he gets on his show, but that’s when I usually change the station. My favorite parts of his show are when the callers and e-mailers make their voices heard. I’m sure this schtick might seem tiresome to regular listeners, but I tune in maybe 1-2 times per week, so it’s still entertaining to me. • See my post about Rhodes and you’ll get my opinion on Franken, who is at number 18. Also, numbers 19-23 I know nothing about, so I’ll just stop here for now.

Then I got a real good shot at this.

LOL -- never been given that line, at least not in an employment sense. Besides the gas station, the only other time I got fired was due to my "bad attitude."

Hear that NoCal? You're part of the yuppie rich now. So you taking the Mrs. out to the Polo tournament on Sunday? Be sure to meet us up there in the Green Suite and we'll have spritzes, or whatever the hell they drink at those places.

What were the reasons for offing you? They fired me because some hippie chick didn't like me (and she was a hippie who got PISSED over something I said about the indians) and told our district manager I was the reason for our store's shortages. Of course after my departure, the shortages got even worse. That's when I got the job at the theater and even though I still worked 12-16 hour shifts, the work wasn't nearly as labor-intensive and it wasn't third-shift (Gotta love that 10 p.m. Saturday night - 3 p.m. Sunday afternoon shift). Boy, they sure showed me. Back in my day we had 5 for $5. Now it's 4 for $5, or 5 for $5.95. And now Bush is trying to take away my Social Security.

Oh christ, you were doomed from the start. Man, I would never walk out like that -- they should have been replaced right then and there. Also, a buddy of mine filled out a comment card at the gas station I used to work at saying how great a worker I was; I got fired a week later.