kkktookmybabyaway

The feds got a $2500 interest-free loan from our household this past year.

"Bad call!" the stripper adds in a sultry voice. There's only one problem: Arcuri had already proven that the phone sex allegation wasn't true. His coworker had used his hotel room phone and indadvertently dialed a 1-800 prefix instead of a 212 prefix when trying to reach the state's Department of Criminal Justice Services.

7:45 p.m. • So today we got hit with our first “big” snow/ice storm of the season. Eh. I left work early because we were going to getting ice mid-morning. Wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but the commute was twice as long as normal because of slow traffic. Most times, the weather isn’t the problem – it’s the other drivers on the road. • This past weekend was mostly spent with Mrs. kkk hanging out and watching movies to help her cope with our recent “family” situation. As the days went on, it seemed to be working. Now I’m expecting this to linger for some time, and that’s OK. I’m not going to put a timetable on this sort of thing; she can feel however she wants. On Sunday night, we were going to watch one more movie before going to bed. I decided to get something from our “new” stack that we haven’t seen yet: “High Crimes.” I remember watching this with her years ago and it’s a typical “Kiss the Girls/Along Came a Spider” film with Morgan Freeman. Even though I remember the ending, I don’t recall much more than that. And of course guess what happens at the start of the film? Ashley Judd’s character finding out she’s preggers. Fuck. 9 p.m. • We're sorry. Our bad. • Don't you know that flaunting the color red is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male? • Take a guess as to where this story is from. The answer is in the spoiler text.

7 p.m. • So the better half and I got our taxes done by the H&R Block chick that Mrs. kkk has gone to for years. This year we overpaid $2500. Wait, did I say “overpay”? I meant WE’RE GETTING $2500 BABY~! Sadly, the better half does that thing where they take more out of your paycheck; I’ve just let this issue be one of those things we just have to agree to disagree on. Oh well, at least this lady is funny. Last year I made some right-wing remarks while sitting there and this year was no exception. I really don’t remember what I said because I came in toward the end of our appointment (was held up at work), but I think it had something to do what that “stimulus” package Congress is passing/just passed. Our tax lady was talking about it and I asked if illegals will be sucking on this government teet. (I heard some rumblings that they could.) She said “no,” and I replied “at least not until that bitch gets elected.” Our pseudo-accountant began laughing out loud and said if Hitlery gets elected she’s moving to Canada. Uh, why? They already have their government health care. Then again, our friends north of the border don’t have 300 million people to deal with. • I’ll tell you what – for a Republican to be this close in the polls is actually surprising for me. Then again, it’s McCain. I lifted this from the other place. • Even though Obama is a bigger dumbfuck than Hitlery, it'd be nice to see him get the nomination because that would mean the Hildabeast would probably never run for President again. After all, if anyone is willing to make her a running mate, I hope to God that person has a phat life insurance policy signed.

8 a.m. • And what is Hitlery going to do when some Muslim country rags on her for being the White Devil/Great Satan/a general bitch in nature? Wow. She won't appear on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2008 and may not appear on MSNBC-sponsored debates. I thought the purpose of the primary season was to get on lots of media outlets only to run and hide once elected to office? You know, I remember when Rush Limbaugh did some dog-fades-to-Chelsea image on his television back in the early 1990s, and he got rightfully blasted for it. However, if Hitlery is going to use her adult daughter to hawk for votes, then using the “p” word is seemingly appropriate. Besides, “pimp” has gained more of a meaning than its original intent. Say, what better time to take a trip down memory lane? Well, now I feel like it. When I was at the test-scoring facility in Ohio, we scored some state-assessment projects via computers and others by hand. The latter consisted of the students’ actual test papers and were delivered to us by mail. These papers were grouped in booklets, and there were a bunch of them to keep organized. To aid us in properly sorting out these hundreds (maybe even thousands – I can’t remember) of packets, we hired clerks. Basically, these were high-school students doing the summer job thing. Well there was this one particular project in which we had a really good clerk, or at least that’s what I was told by my boss. Shrug. I didn’t mind getting up and taking my test-scoring group’s completed packets and putting them back in their initial boxes – it gave me a chance to get up from my chair. Then again, I’m sure the big bosses wanted someone who made less money to do this basic function, so I don’t blame them for getting us these assistants. Anyway, our clerk (I’ll call her Jen) was going to be out for a few days due to some operation and I wanted to know if we would be given another clerk or if our project was going to be clerk-less for a time. No big deal either way. I went to Jen’s boss Joe and asked him about this. Joe was a very soft-spoken guy and was great to work with. He was one of those guys who would hardly say a word, but then when he did it would be a great one-liner. When I asked him this question, he thought about it for a second and then said he was going to get this one clerk from this one project to help us out on one day. He then said that he would get this other clerk from this other project to aid us on another day. As he was mulling his options, I made the following remark, “Doesn’t this kind of make you like a ‘clerk pimp’?” He gave his usual laugh and that was that. Or so I thought. The next day my boss came up to me and was freaking out because two other people in this project who were also at my same management level were freaking out. When I asked why, my boss said that Jen wrote a letter to the clerks who were going to be help us out. This letter was just a basic “here’s where you put these completed packets/etc.” guide. However, there was one passage that brought on my co-worker’s ire. Jen used the phrase “clerk pimp” to describe her boss Joe. The sentence read something like “Depending on which day the clerk pimp decides to send you over to our project…” and our two older co-workers read this and were enraged. I then responded to my boss that I was the one to came up with the “clerk pimp” term. He then laughed and said something like “Why am I not surprised? Well they are PISSED at Jen.” Too fucking bad. The only time I said “clerk pimp” was to Joe, so logic told me that Joe had to have said this phrase to his clerks. If Joe doesn’t care and Jen was writing a note that was intended for her fellow clerks, then my fellow test-scoring supervisors needed to take the sticks out of their respective asses. If not, then they need to get pissed at me because I’m the one who made this oh-so-wretched description. As I went to my desk, I could tell these two older women were pissed. I can’t remember how this started, but they mentioned this offensive letter and I went right at them and said I was the one who came up with the term in a conversation with Joe and anyone had a problem with the choice of words then they should deal with me rather than Jen, who probably heard “clerk pimp” from her boss. The one lady then said the following: “Do you know what a pimp does?” I laughed. I laughed quite a bit, actually. After a few days of pseudo-drama, the “clerk pimp” saga ended, although Jen was a little jittery once she heard of the OUTRAGE her letter caused. This was before I told her to let me know if anyone gave her grief about the phrase because I was the “clerk pimp” originator. Of course, nothing ever came of it, which didn’t surprise me. It’s a wonder how we got any work done there at times.

5:30 p.m. • So while the better half was in surgery this week, it gave me the chance to read the first chapter of Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book.” The first chapter is devoted to goofing on enviro-wackos. Nothing really surprising. However, one thing I love to do (well, maybe not love) is read mainstream media accounts of issues back in the day. Take for example this gem from Newsweek published 4/28/1975, which was featured in Beck’s Book. This was, of course, to combat global cooling. It’s a shame I wasn’t born a few years earlier than I was because I just missed the cooling craze. All I remember from my early years of schooling was some film that featured the “last clean place on earth.” It was some hippie greenhouse run by some … well, hippie. I guess the local people, who were dressed in HAZMAT gear, got tired of him and his animals breathing all that clear air and started knocking it down. For shame. Oh, and here are some crazy quotes that are in Beck's book. I love reading stuff like this: From enviro-wacko/EricMM's idol Paul Ehrlich in 1969: In 1970: Well, he was sorta right on this one. Although you have to substitute "dead fish" with "Mexicans."

The first movie took place decades ago. Al Gore was just getting around to inventing the Internet back then. Otherwise, more power to Romero for being able to get his movies made.

8 p.m. • So today I went to the bank to get another debit card. For years my former place of employment had direct deposit, so I had no need to go to the ATM machine. Now I will so it was time to get a card. This meant having to go in and talk to some bank person. Yay. To make matters better, I was in my jeans and unshaved-for-two-days face. I love it when this happens because these bank people think I’m some scrub looking to start a $50 super-saver account. Now the guy I dealt with gave the usual “Oh, you have THIS much money with us?” as he pulled up the kkk account, but it was nowhere near the extreme reaction I saw with this lady a few years back. It was 2003 and the better half and I had just moved back to Pennsylvania. I needed to take my casher’s check that was taken from the Ohio-centered bank and deposit in a more venue-friendly locale. I decided on this one bank for its location. I had just done a few days worth of moving in the dog days of August and once again hadn’t shaved for a few days. As I walked into the bank after a few hours of moving heavy stuff in a duplex that had no air conditioning, I wasn’t at my prettiest. I said to one of the tellers that I wanted to open an account, and I was directed to one of the account managers in those fancy cubicles. I was seated with some middle-aged woman who had a few other things to do. This gave me the chance to listen to the guy sitting in the cubicle next to me, who was pleading his case to that account manager due to a number of checks that he bounced. He kept bitching that the fees charged to him for each bounced check just made his other checks go bad. Uh, that’s why you DON’T BOUNCE CHECKS. He then started this pseudo-sob story about how he doesn’t have a job and all that shit – damn Bush economy. I felt sorrier for the bank employee than I did this douche. Anyway, my account lady came back and began treating me like I was just like that guy sitting in the cubicle next to me. Then she took a look at my cashier’s check and did the following. She perked up her head. She opened up her eyes. She said, “Oh.” It took everything in me to refrain from laughing out loud. I get that these people deal with a lot of scuzzballs with $100 to their name, but don’t always judge a book by its cover. Of course, all that money eventually went to a house, wedding and credit-card debt relief for the better half. However, with all this taken care of, it’s time to get back to surprising bank people. 9:45 p.m. • Shoot. I just heard on the local radio station that Boortz is on will replace him with two local schmoes whose short-lived stay on an FM talk channel whose format only lasted six months. And I can't listen to Neal at work anymore on-line. Bastards.

Oh Willie -- see what happens when you smoke too much...

8 a.m. • So SUPER TUESDAY has come and went. Whatever. No matter who gets the nomination for my side or the other I’ll probably be ill. Sad thing is, I started thinking about who in my Party could be a viable candidate. I can’t think of anyone. Christ, and my commie neighbors will probably have Hitlery or Obama signs on their lawns this year. I might just get a McCain sign just to piss them off. I still have yet to make my mark on the primary season. Thanks, PA. • I need to pay attention to the NBA more often than just before playoff time. You know, I'd like to see this go down just to see Shaq Daddy run up and down the court like a fiend. 6:30 p.m. • Well today we had to go to the hospital to get kkk jr. out of the better half. The procedure is known as a D&C. The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes, but the waiting/prep/etc. lasted the entire day. Even though the experience was godawful, I’ll say this: After walking by some of the “cancer centers” it could have been MUCH worse. • I thought about this earlier today while watching footage of the Giants ticker-tape parade. You know who has got to have a shitty job? The people that plan for those kinds of events only to have the hometown team lose. I can’t imagine how much planning would be involved in arranging the security/travel/etc., and then to have nothing to show for it. Ugh.

Some athletes go through coaches in that same amount of time. And if you're going to look for a new job, now is the best time to do so while you're still getting a paycheck.

7:15 p.m. • So I watched a bit of the Super Bowl last night – didn’t see the end, though. This was a weird game for me because I really didn’t care for either team. I don’t like Emily, but knowing that Randy Moss could get a ring was way too much for me to bear. I wasn’t a big Plaxico Burress fan when he was a Steeler, even though I never doubted his talent. However, he won me over this year by playing with that bad ankle (not like winning over some miserable bastard is something to put on the old resume). Even though there were players on both teams I didn’t like, there were some that I did. I never had anything bad to say about Junior Seau, and I always liked the way Michael Strahan presented himself to the media. Hopefully, he’s learned to stop messing around with those white girls. Even though I didn’t make a prediction before the game, I thought the Patriots would win. I was guessing it would either be a blowout by New England or a low-scoring affair (Real genius there; what else would it have been – a Giants blowout?) • Oh, and another big story during this Super Bowl time was my U.S. Senator crazy Arlen dredging up “spy-gate” right before the Big Game. (Can I still say that without being sued by the NFL?) Look, for those that don’t live in the commonwealth, Arlen does this stuff all the time. For those who still remember (or care), when it was time to convict Bill Clinton back in ’98, Alren invoked some “Scottish law” thing and didn’t vote. Then, shortly after Bill’s meat was off the hook, Spector began talking about this other thing that Clinton should be impeached for doing and that the whole process should start back up again. That’s our Alren. (Do I even need to mention the single bullet theory?) For the record, I voted for Arlen in the last election and in a primary against a much more conservative Pat Toomey. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Much like the Giants' season, Cena's Writer had a crazy six months. After reaching the midway point at 4-4, he shot off 6 of the next 8 and got into the playoffs after beating Agent of Oblivion in a must-win Week 17. Due to personal and professional issues, I didn't have the time to do my usual end-of-season recaps. If anyone wants to know there's, just PM me or say so in this thread. Here's to another season: See you all (probably) in the 2008-09 preseason. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Gert.

4:30 p.m. • So last night the better half and I went to my mom’s pastor ordination. Yes, she’s now a preacher. Oh the things I could say. Hell, there was a tale I was ready to tell about that Taco Bell commercial with the knocked up chick getting her man to go out and get her something to eat. I was going to then compare that ad with what happens in the real world, but today we learned that Mrs. kkk more than likely miscarried, so I’m just not in the mood.

None of them, really. McCain: I guess, but some things he's been behind (so-called campaign-finance reform) have been unforgivable. Romney: If only he wasn't a Mormon. Yeah, I know, religious bias blah blah. Hickabee: FUCK NO. Only thing about him I like is the Fair Tax, but that will NEVER happen so why bother.

That's for anyone, although I got a story that is sorta-related to this that's funny as hell. I'll tell it when I'm in the mood.

I'd vote for him in a heartbeat over Hitlery or Barack Osama, but this ain't the general election.

Ding.

9 p.m. • So earlier this week it was Max’s turn to go to the vet. It’s always amusing because once the three of them figure out someone is going into the carrier it’s every feline for itself. And once they get into that carrier the unlucky kitty starts crying like there’s no tomorrow. In the house. In the car. In the vet’s waiting room. It’s rather pathetic. Then when we go to the vet’s one medical rooms and take the cat out, he or she freezes up. After some shots were given and the carrier’s door opened back up, Max ran right in without a moment’s pause. Then on the way home it’s silent because he knows he’s going back home. I think one of these times just to fuck with them I’m going to take them home, not open the carrier door and then go back out to the car. Christ I’m horrible. Oh, and Max was fine and even lost half a pound. • Yesterday I was flipping channels and came across it. The movie that inspired one of my all-time favorite South Park Moments. “They Live.” Holy God was that an awesomely bad film.

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Higher.

7:30 p.m. • So yesterday I took the first step in becoming a lazy slug at my new job. I installed my AIM account. It’s only a matter of time before I start downloading porn. Actually, that’s one thing I haven’t done at work. • Great, now who am I going to vote for when Pennsylvania’s primary comes around to these here parts? Seriously, nobody is doing it for me. When W. ran in ’00 I had no problem throwing my support behind him. Dole was the only GOP candidate back in ’96, so it’s not like there was any drama back then. If I was 18 in ’92 I would have went Perot (had I been in my mid-20s, I probably would have stayed with H.), so there would be no pondering my choices there, either. Actually, this reminds me of a funny story. In ’92 my high school had this mock election and we had the poli-sci class debate in front of the students on what candidate to vote for. The people supporting H. ended their spiel with the most unenthusiastic, “and he won the Gulf War” line I ever heard (granted I haven’t heard that line used much, if any, since then), which was received by laughter. In the end, though, Perot got the majority of votes, which surprised the principal/teacher who announced the winner at the end of the day. Anyway, my one friend at the time was happy that Clinton won; I was indifferent. Then a week or two later he started bitching because Clinton reneged on that middle class tax cut. I’m not sure what my friend was so pissed about – he worked at a fast-food place part-time. It’s not like he was getting more take home pay. Then again, now that I look back at it all, I’m sure he’s a Democrat. In fact, I actually got on of those quickie subscriptions to Classmates a few years ago just so I could find out what some of my classmates put as their political preference. It was interesting, to say the least.

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8:30 p.m. • So I went back to my old stomping ground today to give my co-worker my old microwave. When I was at my old workplace I had a microwave and mini-fridge that kept me from going upstairs. Woo-hoo. Well, when I was leaving, I wasn’t sure if I’d need these gizmos at my new place of employment. Turns out I don’t. And even though I can still find use for my mini-fridge, there’s really no place/use for the microwave, which is why I was more than happy to return this kitchen appliance to my brother from another mother. Anyway, I stopped by in the early morning hours and discovered that my genius ex-bosses were about to have ANOTHER mass envelope stuffing in the next few weeks. Oh think Christ I’m out. • A while back here I made some crack about Democrats wanting to help out the “middle class” by giving out more food stamps. Well on the drive home the better half began bitching about our junior senator Junior saying the Democrat talking points. Oy vey. • Yesterday I was watching a few minutes of this hippie documentary about “Who killed the electric car?” I don’t know what it was about – something regarding auto makers taking perfectly good electric cars and scrapping them. Well, the “activists” in this production were shown chasing around trucks carrying these electric cars to the scrap heap. Wow was this hilarious. Now here’s what I wonder: These hippies were angry that GM and Ford and Toyota were terminating the lives of these transportation vehicles before they had a chance to be productive. Wonder if these libs have the same opinion of the unborn getting taking to the “junkyard”? I’m sure they do. • Hey, remember when Hurricane Katrina hit and the enviro-weenies were telling us that thanks to SUVs and W. that we would get BIGGER and BADDER hurricanes? Uhhhhhhhhhhh. • So I got Boortz on and this woman is bitching about how she doesn’t like the term “unmarried” and that she would rather be called “single” because “unmarried” implies something wrong like “unhealthy” and “unhappy.” Uh, un-something means “not” and not “bad.” UnAmerican is not American. Anti-American is different. Get over yourself bitch. • Now this is odd. A straight male figure skater?

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