kkktookmybabyaway

6 p.m. • So I’m still in way over my head at the new job. Nothing surprising with that. However, this got a LOL moment for me. For last week’s trip she said for me to include the mileage it took to drive to the airport. Now I already got some per diem check, which was good enough for me. However, the boss also said to include mileage and the $4 parking toll Mrs. kkk had while waiting for my flight to arrive. (Part II of this story, which started on Saturday, will be arriving shortly – just like how my flights were last week.) The boss said to use the federal mileage rate – something like 45 cents per mile. And why did this make me laugh? Would you care to guess what the mileage rate was at my former place of employment? For every guess in the “comments” section I’ll let you know if the correct answer is “higher” or “lower.” • Uncle Ted endorses a black man for prez. Some feminazi group says this: At this point, do I really need to make a remark about pondering whether or not leaving someone in the back seat of a car to drown counts as "betrayal"? Sure I do. Here's an oldie but goodie... ...hit it. 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. You take one down, Your passenger drowns, 98 bottles of beer on the wall... 98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer! You take one down, You hit the town, 97 bottles of beer on the wall... 97 bottles of beer on the wall 97 bottles of beer! If one of those bottles should happen to fall 96 bottles of beer on the wall... 96 bottles of beer on the wall! 96 bottles of beer! If one of those bottles should happen to fall Forget Mary Jo 'cause she's started to pall No need to report it, there's no need at all 95 bottles of beer on the wall... 95 hhashurhfajjfj AIIEEEE! 95 lkkldnfklsdnjsdvhdfw passh JDFWBA OKVKSN ogjekvirjverlkvuhjwrpihgw 94 dbjfjcovkerhjbchue... 94 bottle of beer on the wall 94 bottles of beer Take one done Pass it around 93 bottles of beer on the wall... 92 to bottles of beer on the wall 92 bottles of beer take one off give it to Hoff 91 bottles of beer on the wall... 91 bottles of beer on the wall 91 bottles of beer take one off give it to Hoff he-drives-off-a-bridge-IN-ANGER-and-leaves-his-campaign-staffer-in-the-back-seat-to-die-a-miserable-death 90 bottles of beer on the wall... 90 bottles of beer on the wall! 90 bottles of beer! Take a drink Watch a young girl sink 89 bottles of beer on the wall... 89 bottles of beer on the wall! 89 bottles of beer! Drink another and wait Let her suffocate 88 bottles of beer on the wall... 88 bottles of beer on the wall, 88 bottles of beer. Off a bridge you drove Blame it on Karl Rove 87 bottles of beer on the wall... 87 bottles of beer on the wall! 87 bottles of beer! Guzzle one quick, you drunken old mick, It's too late for Mary at Chappaquiddick 86 bottles of beer on the wall... 86 bottles of beer on the wall, 86 bottles of beer Your face is red This is a great thread 85 bottles of beer on the wall... 85 bottles of beer on the wall, 85 bottles of beer Drink n' guzzle Watch the bubbles 84 bottles of beer on the wall... 84 bottles of beer on the wall! 84 bottles of beer! Swill it on down, you miserable clown You couldn't possibly get elected anywhere but Massachusetts and at least the President managed to graduate from Harvard rather than being expelled twice for cheating on exams and oh he never cheated on his wife either or tried and failed to have sex with a woman while lying on a restaurant floor in a drunken stupor you disgusting morally leprous decrepit filthy scumbag 83 bottles of beer on the wall... 83 bottles of beer on the wall. 83 bottles of beer. Get so drunk and you'll soon feel no pain Bush is much worse than Saddam Hussein 83 bottles of beer on the wall... 82 bottles of beer on the wall. 82 bottles of beer. My brother Jack nailed chicks with no fear. If he didn't die, I'd have no career. 81 bottles of beer on the wall... 81 bottles of beer on the wall. 81 bottles of beer. People who listen to my speeches get no relief. My puppet Kerry was nearly commander-in-chief Chug one more while my kidney's functions fall 80 bottles of beer on the wall... 80 bottles of beer on the wall. 80 bottles of beer. Poor ol' Ted, his kid lost his leg. But he's a democrat and deserves to suffer, according to crazy Meg. 79 bottles of beer on the wall... 79 bottles of beer on the wall. 79 bottles of beer. Drug abuse, bootlegging, and cheating on women a lot Just another day here in Camelot Fuck you, we're rich and you're not 78 bottles of beer on the wall... 78 bottles of beer on the wall 78 bottles of beer Fucking christ, his head's the size of a deer! 77 bottles of beer on the wall.... 77 bottles of beer on the wall. 77 bottles of beer. My voters I must scare, With threatened cuts to Medicare. 76 bottles of beer on the wall... 76 bottles of beer on the wall. 76 bottles of beer. Women's rights are a cause in which I place much stock. "Hey, baby, wanna see my bloated cock? "It's 2 inches long and hard as a rock" 75 bottles of beer on the wall... 75 bottles of beer on the wall, 76 bottles of beer Care about politics I do not, even so I'm always down to wreck on another Masshole. 74 bottles of beer on the wall... 74 bottles of beer on the wall. 74 bottles of beer. I hate to sound daft, But there's going to be a draft. 73 bottles of beer on the wall... 72 bottles of beer on the wall. 72 bottles of beer. At least I didn't kill her by driving into a tree. Did you know that my IQ was only 33? My face has a startling resemblance to my knee 71 bottles of beer on the wall... 73 bottles of beer on the wall. 73 bottles of beer. MikeSC had this number but Bush stole it you see Just like he does with the trust fund for Social Security 71 bottles of beer on the wall... 71 bottles of beer on the wall! 71 bottles of beer! Saddam Hussein has two dead sons Ted's son lost his leg and his three brothers were all killed one of his sisters died in a plane crash and his family lobotomized another so she wouldn't embarrass them so we should be kind and understandiiiiiiiiiiiiiing 70 bottles of beer on the wall... 70 bottles of beer on the wall. 70 bottles of beer. Did you notice that my numbers aren't uniform? You'd think I was writing my party's platform 69 bottles of beer on the wall... 69 bottles of beer on the wall, 69 bottles of beer Heh heh, uh heh heh, uh heh he heh 69...... 68 bottles of beer on the wall... 68 bottles of beer on the wall, 68 bottles of beer. Dubs is a democrat, and still thinks Ted's retarded and fat, 67 bottles of beer on the wall... 67 bottle of beer on the wall. 67 bottles of beer. I got here through the deaths of Jack, Bobby, and Joe Man, why couldn't I fuck Marilyn Monroe? We both drink like fish, don't ya know? 66 bottles of beer on the wall... 66 bottles of beer on the wall, 66 bottles of beer Where the hell are my pants... .... And the girl... 65 bottles of beer on the wall... 65 bottles of beer on the wall! 65 bottles of beer! Take one down, don't pass it around Chug that motherfucker and reach for another With Uncle Ted, we're out on the town! Fuck it, we'll never get a fucking drink at this rate 64 bottles of beer on the wall... 64 bottles of beer on the wall, 64 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around I've fucked my state from my lofty perch Because my junior is Senator Lurch 63 bottles of beer on the wall... 63 bottles of beer on the wall, 63 bottles of beer, With fine English gin that my dad smuggled in, 62 bottles of beer on the wall... 62 bottles of beer on the wall. 62 bottles of beer. My face has become almost comically thick My nephew, well, he raped a chick I can't speak English worth a lick 61 bottles of beer on the wall... 61 bottles of beer on the wall, 61 bottles of beer, Put your sister in bed, take a pick to her head, 60 bottles of beer on the wall... 60 bottles of beer on the wall, 60 bottles of beer, Our Party's leadership is in trauma Good thing we have Osama bin Obama 59 bottles of beer on the wall... 59 bottles of beer on the wall. 59 bottles of beer. I don't like it when shotguns go "blam!" Did you know my boy Kerry served in Vietnam? Only thing I like more than liquor is a great big ham 58 bottles of beer on the wall... 58 bottles of beer on the wall, 58 bottles of beer. With all that I can muster This thread I will filibuster Because it's an assault on my character and America has a time-honored tradition of Democrats filibustering extreme things like civil rights... Still filibustering... La la la... So, how about those Red Sox?... Is it last call yet?... Wait, Robert "kkk" Byrd just offered a compromise? Well, shit. 57 bottles of beer on the wall... 57 bottles of beer on the wall, 57 bottles of beer. KKK's sure was the best, But let's not put this thread to rest, 56 bottles of beer on the wall... 56 bottles of beer on the wall, 56 bottles of beer Ted laughed at the girl from the shore, Let's watch Dubs post whore 55 bottles of beer on the wall... 55 bottles of beer on the wall, 55 bottles of beer We'll say Roberts' son looks like a dork So his daddy will end up like Robert Bork 54 bottles of beer on the wall... 54 bottles of beer on the wall, 54 bottles of beer I think alternative energies are great As long as they're away from my estate 53 bottles of beer on the wall... 53 bottles of beer on the wall. 53 bottles of beer. A bitch was trippin in Chappaquiddick Fuck I think my face was beaten with an ugly stick 52 bottles of beer on the wall... 52 bottles of beer on the wall 52 bottles of beer Public school is so dear to my heart But you know that my grandkids would never take part And I will fight vouchers, shoot 'em down with a dart Good schools are just for the rich, not the smart, Keep all the commoners nicely apart, But go on and vote for me when November starts, I've gone for six lines and still haven't used 'fart,' I've whittled hypocrisy down to an art...(whew, long one!) ...51 bottles of beer on the wall... 51 bottles of beer on the wall, 51 bottles of beer. In Robert Bork's America we'd have no civil right Which is why Robert's nomination we'll continue to fight 50 bottles of beer on the wall... 50 bottles of beer on the wall 50 bottles of beer I hope this doesn't sound odd But I could go for a waitress sandwich with Dodd 49 bottles of beer on the wall... 49 bottles of beer on the wall 49 bottles of beer Please don't be rude and yawn When I say Iraq is Bush's Vietnam 48 bottles of beer on the wall... 48 bottles of beer on the wall 48 bottles of beer If you think I've drunk a lot in life then you should see my ex-wife! 47 bottles of beer on the wall... 47 bottles of beer on the wall. 47 bottles of beer I love alternative energy and so should you just so long as it doesn't block my view 46 bottles of beer on the wall... 46 bottles of beer on the wall 46 bottles of beer I ate chips of paint made from lead Lord knows I'm not under fed The only thing bigger than my ego is my head I'm too fat to get chicks into bed My speech is worse than Hillbilly Jed I'm so worthless that I'd be better of dead 45 bottles of beer... 45 bottles of beet on the wall, 45 bottles of beer! Why did God take John and Rob Kennedy? Yet, I'll probably live 'till I'm 103? 44 bottles of beer on the wall... 44 bottles of beer on the wall 44 bottles of beer on the wall i'm drunk has hell know Mary Jo's dead 43 bottles of beer on the wall... 43 bottles of beer on the wall. 43 bottles of beer. Fuck you, I'm drinking. Cock smoker 42 bottles of beer on the wall... 41 bottles of beer on the wall 41 bottle of beer my pops hated jews now get me another brew 41 bottle of beer on the wall... 40 bottles of beer on the wall 40 bottles of beer Some call me a murderous drunken Mick But I wear, I drove off the bridge because she was sucking my dick After she drowned I went back to the party and drank till I was sick 39 bottles of beer on the wall... 39 bottles of beer on the wall 39 bottles of beer Ann Coulter wrote about me this week driving off a cliff But those records are sealed, since I'm a hypocritical stiff 38 bottles of beer on the wall... 38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer It's really bad that a levee had to fail But I have a court nominee to nail 37 bottles of beer on the wall... 37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer For all those drowned (during Katrinia) I'll yell at Bush for failing to react Woah, wait a second. How ironic is that? 36 bottles of beer on the wall... 36 bottles of beer on the wall. 36 bottles of beer. A nuclear energy industry is evil, really evil by far Even though it's killed fewer people than my car 35 bottles of beer on the wall... 35 bottles of beer on the wall 35 bottle of beer while right know i'm totally shitfaced my nephew Bobby is a total disgrace 34 bottles of beer on the wall... 34 bottles of beer on the wall 34 bottle of beer I'm babbling in front of a Chief Justice nominee All his legal answers don't matter to me I will still vote "no" because he's a facist Nazi Because I'm all about the working family 33 bottles of beer on the wall... 33 bottles of beer on the wall 33 bottle of beer This poster Matt Young I do not know But I wish he was in that car with me and Mary Jo 32 bottles of beer on the wall... 32 bottles of beer on the wall, 32 bottles of beer. I'll never mope, I've got an indulgence from the Pope. 31 bottles of beer on the wall... 31 bottles of beer on the wall. 31 bottles of beer I hate that Enron's collapse nearly made the economy crash Shame my dad did worse to get his cash 30 bottles of beer on the wall... THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL SEEK! LO - CATE! EX - TER - MIN - ATE! ALL RA - CES ARE IN - FE - RI -OR TO THE DAAAL - EKS! TWEN - TY - NINE BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL... 29 bottles of beer on the wall. 29 FUCKING BOTTLES OF BEER! WHAT THE HELL ARE THE HAWKS DOING? JESUS CHRIST, NO DAMNED POINT GUARDS? No...FUCK Ted Kennedy. THIS is BULLSHIT! 28 bottles of beer on the wall... 28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer. Let's get this fucking thread over with because the same people posting here are complaining about Matt Young Appreciation Day SINCE THE HUMOR HERE IS SO STERLING AND GENIUS 3 27 bottles of beer on the wall... 27 bottles of beer on the wall. 27 bottles of beer. Greengrocer can't count too well. God knows what made Teddy's face swell. 26 bottles of beer on the wall... 26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer. Perhaps Greengrocer needs a v-chip for this thread Because simply ignoring it by not clicking on its link must cause him dread Oh yeah -- the senior Masshole Senator -- I can't wait until he's dead 26 bottles of beer on the wall... (assuming) 26 bottles of beer on the wall, (assuming) 26 bottles of beer. kkk forgot to subtract, The universe is constantly in a quantum state, Nothing can truly be called "knowable." Life is ephemal, fleeting; all men die. Subatomic particles wink in and out of existence, without purpose, without meaning. i bottles of beer on the wall... 26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer. Thanks to my miscount, this order is distorted Good thing Ted's pro-choice, so my last post is aborted 25 bottles of beer on the wall... 25 bottles of beer on the wall. 25 bottles of beer. I tried to save a group from drowning with a friend and myself This joke can write itself: 24 bottles of beer on the wall... 24 bottles of beer on the wall 24 bottles of beer Harriet Miers would be a better nominee If she'd just go for a ride with me 23 bottles of beer on the wall... 23 bottles of beer on the wall 23 bottles of beer Though my liver is swelling and my BAC is gaining For a drunkard like me, this is only pregaming 22 bottles of beer on the wall... 0 bottles of beer on the wall 0 bottles of beer... you actually think that this drunken mick would let all this beer stay on the wall for this long? 22 bottles of beer on the wall. 22 bottles of beer. True, they were all gone, as fast as a comet But they're all back because I had to vomit 21 bottles of beer on the wall... 21 bottles of beer on the wall, 21 bottles of beer BLACKJACK MOTHERFUCKER! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 20 bottles of beer on the wall... 20 bottles of beer on the wall, 20 bottles of beer At least when I get drunk I DON'T FUCKING KILL PEOPLE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT 19 bottles of beer on the wall... 19 bottles of beer on the wall, 19 bottles of beer This thread was never funny except for Grocer and Sandman's jabs Drawing a blank here, um... Jesus was really an A-rab 18 bottles of beer on the wall... 18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer I said for the Supreme Court Democrats don't do a litmus test We look for candidates that are the very best 17 bottles of beer on the wall... Aw hell, I need another brew for that last line of bullshit. 16 bottles of beer on the wall... 16 bottles of beer on the wall, 16 bottles of beer Fat blimp ruins land Whale brings shame to all people Shut his huge pie hole 15 bottles of beer on the wal... 15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer! If one of those bottles should happen to fall Then you will see a fat man bawl 14 bottles of beer on the wall... 14 bottles of beer on the wall, 14 bottles of beer Bush lied about Iraq and we're keeping score And please ignore all of the things we said before 13 bottles of beer on the wall... 13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer. Iraq is stockpiled with WMD and a hotbed for terror Wait, it's '05, not '98, so sorry for the error 12 bottles of beer on the wall... 12 bottles of beer on the wall, 12 bottles of beer Extremist Judge Al-lee-go doesn't think strip-searching a kid will scar her for life It's even worse than drowning someone who isn't your wife 11 bottles of beer on the wall... 11 bottles of beer on the wall, 11 bottles of beer. My children's book follows a day in my life, I get drunk before noon and then cheat on my wife. 10 bottles of beer on the wall... 10 bottles of beer on the wall! 10 bottles of beer! 10 year-old girl was strip-searched and it "scarred" her Oh how I wish they had let me guard her 9 bottles of beer on the wall... 9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer. As I get drunk, I talked a lot louda, Er ah, er ah, Chowda, CHOWDA, CHOWDA 8 bottles of beer on the wall... 8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer Smashed during hearings makes them so much better You can tell by my face getting redder 7 bottles of beer on the wall... 7 bottles of beer on the wall, 7 bottles of beer, These GOP scumbags are far-right extremists, But later this year they're still gonna cream us, EDIT: Uh, no 6 bottles of beer on the wall... 6 bottles of beer on the wall, 6 bottles of beer I make judges' wives drown in their tears And I don't have to drive or shift gears 5 bottles of beer on the wall... 5 bottles of beer on the wall, 5 bottles of beer! I've had fun treating Judge Alito like a prick Even though he could shut me up by saying, "Chappaquiddick," 4 bottles of beer on the wall... 4 bottles of beer on the wall 4 bottles of beer I'm bringing my children's book about Washington DC, to a 1st grad class It's too damn bad, I couldn't save Mary Jo's ass. 3 bottles of beer on the wall... 3 bottles of beer on the wall, 3 bottles of beer, 30-plus years of being a drunk fatto, Living in the depths of my dead brothers' shadow, 2 bottles of beer on the wall... 2 bottles of beer on the wall, 2 bottles of beer Now it's last call and the drinks are on me But you have to have a nice ass or size 34 D 1 more bottle of beer on the wall... 1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer The wall is bankrupt from what I can see Just like George W. Bush's economy No more bottles of beer on the wall! I'm headed to the store, I'll be back. Well, this isn't going to end well. Here we go again. *Still preparing the Pete Rock remix.*

No, fagbox, you were drowned out because you were talking about helping Africa. And airport security wasn't that bad, but it wasn't busy. Although taking off the shoes was eh.

U.S. Airways.

kkk's Top 103 Posters Number 3: nl5xsk1 Yes, you read that right. The poster known with one of the more annoying names to type has cracked the number 3 spot on this list. “But kkk, how can this be? You’ve been calling this scat-loving fiend ‘nl-asshole’ for years. How can he be listed so high? Did he pay you off? Did he find you a MILF? What happened?” Well, I’ll tell you what happened. This "nl-asshole" thing is all a giant SWERVE~! You may find this hard to believe, but I generally don’t put a lot of thought into my message-boarding. When I’m scrolling down a thread, I rarely spend more than a few seconds reading a post, and when I get to the end of a thread, I typically type the first few thoughts that come to my head – no matter how nonsensical they may be. And on 8:48 a.m. on September 29, 2004, I read the following post by nl5xsk1 in a thread titled “List your aliases.. old board names...” and I just felt like typing... That’s it. That’s how this great “feud” started. Let me recap: For more than THREE YEARS I’ve been involved in a shootout of insults with someone because of a split-second thought and a few keystrokes. One my say I’m breaking KEYFABE right now, but this is, at its heart, an internet message board, and this is a SHOOT, baby. The Ross Report doesn’t have shit on this. (Is the Ross Report even around anymore?) So, yeah. Over the years I’ve shaped this “hatred” for nl5xsk1 to include such witty banter like: However, the highlight of this e-feud, which has spanned multiple message boards, came during kkk Bowl III when nl5xsk1 actually won the whole thing – well, it’s sure a lot better than him not bothering to show up for the posteason. Are we typing? Is this mic still on? Well thank God that’s over and done with. I didn’t know how long I could last saying nice things about this cocksucker. And by “cocksucker,” I mean cocksucker. 1 p.m. • So I have said in the past that I don’t like flying. In fact, the last time I was on an airplane was back in 1996 during a trip to California just before I met the future Mrs. kkk. Why don’t I like flying? Well, there’s always the chance of crashing into the ground from 10,000 feet. Yeah, I know the odds are much greater that I’d get killed by a fellow motorist than I would by a shitty pilot. However, the illusion that I could actually do something about my status on the highway is a better feeling. If you’re on an interstate and some truck in front of you has a bunch of shit loosely tied down to the roof then you could switch lanes. When you’re in a plane, there’s not much you can do unless you have a parachute strapped to you and near an exit. However, there are other factors that have nothing to do with drunk pilots and pisspoor mechanics. The passengers Here’s what I said a while back regarding my Going … Back … To … Cali… in the 1990s. And while my experiences dealing with passengers during this latest round of flying I just didn’t wasn’t as bad as my ’96 experiences, it didn’t help matters. It amazed me how many people tried to carry on luggage that was too big to fit in overhead compartments. Jesus Christ, I haven’t flown for more than a decade and I was smart enough to take note that my one piece of luggage wasn’t deemed acceptable for overhead storage. Then again, these people are probably the same type that I dealt with in my Quickie Mart days that tried paying for a 25-cent pack of gum with a $50 bill. But I digress. Connecting flights So the plan was for my boss and I to take a flight from Shittsburgh to Philadelphia and then from Philly to Albany, N.Y. However, when I got to the airport I found out that we were instead going to New York City. This also meant that our departure would be a few hours later than the Shittsburgh-Philly flight. Great. Well, after my cross-state flight, I ended up in LaGuardia Airport. Holy fuck is that place a dump. And to make matters better, I had to wait a few more hours until this one plane from Harrisburg landed here because that was the vehicle to take me to Albany. One problem: This plane was running late. Whoopie. Here’s another bonus: LaGuardia only had a handful of stores, and most of them featured “I [heart][/heart] N.Y.” Oh, yeah, like I’m going to get that shit. Then I saw Hitlery merchandise. Even better. Fuck. I ended up getting a U.S. Snooze & World Distort magazine that talked about previous election cycles. One thing I like about U.S. News is that they do some neat “looking back” pieces. I remember in ’00 they had an interesting feature about the ’48 conventions – I’m pretty sure it was that year because it dealt with Truman and Dewey. Where was I? Oh, yeah. LaGuardia. So while waiting for the Harrisburg plane to arrive I sat by the gate because you can only walk the halls a certain number of times before people start thinking you’re a terrorist. My boss and I were supposed to arrive in Albany at 4 p.m. It was past 4 when we heard that the Harrisburg plane had just taken off. After an hour or so we were told that the flight to Albany was seating for Zones 1-8. That sounded odd. Then when I stepped onto this massive transportation vehicle I noted that I was in “Zone 8.” And by “Zone 8” I mean the “eighth row.” The actual flight itself wasn’t too bad. I remember flying on a smaller plane when I was kid vacationing in Florida, and as a bonus I didn’t have to sit next to anyone. We got into Albany at around 6:30 p.m. just in time to see news television shows talking about the stock market’s REMARKABLE DAY~! When I was at LaGuardia all the news shows were talking about RECESSION and the STOCK MARKET TANKING and other gloom and doom pieces. Then after my shitty flight to Albany, it’s a MIRACLE REBOUND. Then again, these are the same people that thought Obama was going to crush the Hildabeast by double digits in New Hampshire and that by 1985 the earth was going to freeze due to global cooling. And who wonders why people are skeptical of the mainstream media? So Wednesday I was at airports from 9 a.m. through about 7:30 p.m. All to get on two one-hour-flights. My boss, who travels all the time, said this is the first time in a long while this sort of thing has happened to her. I said I’d gladly take the blame for this if it means a raise. However, the best was yet to come on the way home on Friday...

I thought you lived in California. EDIT: Nevermind.

7:30 p.m. • Well I’m about ready to go off to New York. This is the first time in almost a dozen years since I’ve traveled by plane. [sarcasm]I’m sooooooooo excited. [/sarcasm] To make things better, I’ll be going to the state that elected Hitlery not once but twice. The things I do to pay my mortgage.

10 p.m. • So Fred Thompson dropped out of the presidential race -- was he ever in? • Heath Ledger's dead. Whatever. No obvious indication? I'm not saying he OD'd or anything, but when you're 28, dead and with prescriptoin sleeping pills nearby, can't there be SOME indication? Then again, most of us (present company included) thought there was something fishy about Sean Taylor's death and it turns out there wasn't. But that was because we were all RACISTS~! I guess thinking that there is a chance this Australian-born actor might have died from something other than natural causes would make us xenophobes.

8:45 p.m. • Well today was my first day at the new job. Man, I wish you could just fast-forward a few months to the point where you get a handle on what you’re doing. I hate this “OK, now what do I do?” crap. I know this job isn’t as hard as I’m making it out to be, but I am one of those people that actually gives a crap about the work I produce and it will be hard to do anything tomorrow because I’ll be taking a three-day trip Wednesday through Friday (which probably means no KK’s Korner) to some work conference that will probably help me out quite a bit. I'm sure in six months I'll be bitching that I don't get paid enough for what I do. • So while I was gone today, the better half “reorganized” the closets. Instead of having one closet for each of us, we now have one for our room and a closet for kkk Jr. She has “our” closet split in half – one side with a bunch of hippie shelves, the other side a “normal” look. Guess which one of us has all our things on shelves? Yep. I guess that’s what happens when one person gets MLK day off and one person doesn’t. I'm actually impressed that she managed to fit all our shit into one closet, but I know there will be problems with space in the future. Oh well, that's for another time I guess.

Now that I have my personal shopper scanner thingy, my interaction with cashiers/customers is minimal.

kkk Bowl V No TB's needed for this one. Cena's Writer: New England 20, N.Y. Giants 34 Gert T: New England 37, N.Y. Giants 21

Wow, I'm really behind on my recaps. Time to get my backside in gear: AFC EAST Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) Record: 11-5 (First place in division) Notes: A breakout year, Spiff was only 3 PF points better than Bob and 2 PF points better than Gert. What helped him was a low strength of schedule (112 points was “good” for 27th). Spiff needed every win he could get, seeing how his divisional record was 2-4. Where did he get his wins? A 6-2 record in the AFC (outside of the East) and a 3-1 NFC record. His record in games decided by 2 picks: 3-1. His record in games decided by 1 pick: 3-3. His record in games decided by TB: 3-1. Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 10-6) Record: 10-6 (Second place in division) Notes: Another excellent year, Bob manages to get into the postseason each season. He didn’t have the most impressive of PF totals (117, tied for 19th-21st), but a 4-2 division record and a 9-2 record in games decided by 2 picks or less gave him a second-place finish in this division. New York Jets (Gert T) Record: 10-6 (Third place in division) Notes: There are two big stories for this season. One deals with a certain poster choking (you already know who you are), and one deals with the exact opposite. Gert’s story is the “opposite.” After an 0-5 start in which he lost 4 games by 1 pick and 1 game by TB, he managed to go 10-1 for the rest of the season and has managed to get into the Conference Championship. His PF/PA stats aren’t all that impressive, (PF: 118, 16th-18th; PA: 114, 21st-23rd), but his close-game record is. After that 0-5 start, his record in games decided by 1 pick or less is 7-0, and his record in games decided by 2 picks is 3-0. In fact, his only loss during this time was by 3 in Week 12. New England Patriots (nl-asshole) Record: 5-11 (Fourth place in division) Notes: Much to my delight, I loved chalking up “L’s” seemingly every week in this faggot’s Won/Loss column. I only wish his PF score could have been more pathetic than what it was (115, tied for 23rd-25th), but what I loved was that even though he had the same strength of schedule as his division rival Gert T, Gert managed to actually win some of his games. Oh, yeah. His record in games decided by 1 pick or less? 2-7. In fact, there were only 2 games when he didn’t win by more than 2 picks, and that was during his oh-so-impressive two-game winning streak during Weeks 11-12 (winning by 5 and 3, respectively). This here is a tale of two former kkk Bowl champs. When the going got tough for Gert T, he buckled down and made something of himself. What did nl-asshole do after his 1-3 start? He went 4-9. Way to man up there, champ.

12:45 p.m. • Time for pickks -- wait a second, I lost in the divisional round. Nevermind. Oh what the heck: Chargers 7, Patriots 42; Giants 24, Packers 21. 10:30 p.m. • Oh well, at least I appeared smart in one of my selections.

King. He didn't make the playoffs as the Falcons, but he got to the final round here. I'm still trying to figure out how.

Yeah, although if what was shown was "The Mafia," then I have to question how that organization has stayed in business for so long. I forgot to check and see if "V" was a direct-to-video release. If you watch it, you wouldn't be able to know. It did have a box-office release.

11:15 p.m. • So a few days ago I was talking about the “Death Wish” movies, and I discovered there was a Part V. And like a sap I just had to watch it. Good God. An exploding remote controlled soccer ball? At least in “The Dead Pool” the RC Car of Doom was funny to watch. This … gah. However, it’s not like I was going into this one expecting much. But still. Jesus, Charles, did you really have to make one more? I guess maybe because “Death Wish IV” ended on such a downer – you know, your woman getting killed and all. Well, anyway, I had parts “II” and “III” on today as background noise, and I must say that my two favorite scenes from “II” are as follows: And then there’s the black guy with the funky sunglasses trying to get away in that park shoot-out by holding up a ghetto blaster to his head while trying to back away. L to the O to the L. Speaking of funny, here is a post on the IMDB message board about “DWII”: Woo-hoo! 11:45 p.m. • Yeah, Roger, because we can't have people walking around with guns. What gives someone the right to do that? Pesky Constitution.

Lucky for us, Hawk, my idiot ex-boss will probably take several months to get a replacement for me, so we're good on that front. Plus I wiped out all bookmarks, caches, histories, etc. What made the last day even better was that the only person from upstairs to talk to me was idiot boss #2 about my timecard. This chat took less than one minute. Other than that, I just left. Awesome. I'll be able to get TSM from my new workplace, but I'm going to be so busy there starting out that my time will be limited -- a major loss to our messageboard community, I'm sure.

Al King

12 p.m. • Well, so long shortcut link to TSM from my work computer. I'll miss you.

OK, that's not too bad then. Of course, you don't need to "pen up" kitties.

2 p.m. • So I was driving into work today and there was a radio commercial that caught my ears. Some of you may remember when I opined about a local restaurant chain and its stupid Frownie mascot. Well, this place is bringing back a promotion where if you order certain menu items you get a menu item of equal or lesser value free. No problem with that. However, the ad went something like, “Try a classic King’s dish like the new breakfast scramblers (or whatever the entrée was).” How can a “classic” dish be “new”? And I thought TNT’s “Instant Classics” were bad. • Yeah, this is going to throw off Emily’s routine. I’m sure he doesn’t have ANY of these episodes on DVD.

Milky. Nothing against Venkman (although my voters were disenfranchised in the last round), but Milky reminding me about the Geto Boys lyrics pushed me over to his side. King. Slayer doesn’t even want to be in this. Czech. Neither one likes me. Guess I’ll go with the one that doesn’t want to win this for this round to piss him off even more. Plus he’s a meat-eater. Black Lushus. Another tough one. I’m sticking it to the man/mod with this one.

9 p.m. • So I gave my notice to my genius employers on January 4. Guess when they finally decided to put a classified ad in the paper? Today. • I was at the grocery store today and I went to the chicken section of the store. I noticed that there was a sale on cock. However, it wasn’t the buy-one-get-one-free but rather some XX-cents-off nonsense which is still a rip-off. However, what had me laughing was the handwritten addition made to the “sale” sign. Because there are several varieties of chicken in the chicken freezer bin and only one brand on sale, there are oftentimes handwritten FYIs on these sale posters. Anyway, the handwritten addition to this sign read “Black lable only.” Sigh. • Speaking of food, Swift Terror brought up some of his never-buy-generic brands. For as cheap as I am, I don’t typically buy generic-brand material. If something is on sale and I have a coupon then I get it. The only brand name I “have” to buy is Miracle Whip. Oh, and Heinz ketchup – Hunts is disgusting. Generic pasta is blech, although I don’t really buy Chef-Boy-R-D. Oh, my beef stew has to be Dinty Moore. Generic Cola is awful, although I’m not much of a pop drinker anyway. Oh, yeah. Crystal Light iced tea >>>> generic or that 4C shit. I steer clear from the generic Kix equivalent. And when it comes to bbq sauce, I’m only Bull’s Eye, Jack Daniels or KC Masterpiece. I tried some watery Kraft shit once and that was it. (Or was it Open Pit?) Well the aforementioned chicken I buy is grocery-store brand. I also eat grocery-store brand bread and milk. That’s about all I got for now. 9:15 p.m. • I’ve seen a few headlines about this being the 10-year anniversary of Lewinsky-gate. You know, I really didn’t care much about this scandal. I guess the best thing to come out of this (other than Bill’s jizz on a blue dress) was having Congress preoccupied with impeachment rather than meddling with the economy and my day-to-day life. Good job, Monica. • I just heard some top-of-the-news story on RIGHT-WING RADIO about how with this “recession” people are having a harder time than ever dealing with credit card debt, mortgage and car payments. Uh, am I supposed to feel bad for someone that racked up unnecessary expenses on plastic and now can’t afford his standard of living because gas is $3+/gallon and milk is a similar price? Hey dumbfuck, who do you think you are – Congress? Speaking of these people, I sure can't wait until there's a Democrat president to go along with a Democrat Congress. Yeah, because nothing says "helping out the middle class" better than food stamps. 10 p.m. • Ha. I was flipping channels and came across the last 20 minutes of "Death Wish 3." These “Death Wish” movies are so laughably bad – especially after Part II – that they’re awesome. However, when the final commercial break took place, I soon discovered that there were FIVE of these films. Now I always counted “Murphy’s Law” as a “Death Wish-lite” movie, but they actually made another one after Charles Bronson blew some guy up with a rocket launcher after his girlfriend gets offed? Wait a minute, I could be talking about more than one “Death Wish” movie.

9:15 p.m. • Woo-hoo, I'm sticking it to the European nations by getting Mrs. kkk preggers. But how many of these births are from Mexicans? Wow. I thought that number would be more. Huh -- Poor education? And LOL regarding the poverty and abortion reasons. 9:30 p.m. • A nearby town made the big-time. In a bad way. This is one media story I believe. Aliquippa is a shit hole. • As if gas prices weren't high enough. You know, when don't we have a "looming crisis"? Well, there's one good thing to all this. If the federal gas tax would happen, the media and Democrats would lay off talking about high gas prices. After all, these increase are for the greater good. And I'm sure all this extra money wouldn't be wasted. No siree.

Put aluminum foil around wires you don't want your kitty to chew through.

kkk’s Top 103 Posters Number 4: MikeSC Well it was only a matter of time before Mike showed up, and for those of you that ventured into the Current Events folder in its heyday you will probably never look at a Michael from South Carolina the same way ever again. Honestly, there’s really no way I can convey to a n00b what Mike was like. But let me try nevertheless. If you had anything negative to say about Republicans, then Mike would counter your take. If you tried to counter Mike’s response, he’d counter your counter. Try to counter the counter to the counter? Yep, he’d counter. Want my advice? Don’t try to get the last word on Mike. Yet so many people fell into this trap. If I could sum up Mike’s tenure here, my first thought: Pope smoke. My second thought? CE Hall of Morons. Then there was the phone incident. Oh, the phone incident. Here is the common template for a MikeSC thread. Start out by giving a vague thread title. Have it involve an easy target. Then let the flaming begin. Man were those some good times. Ever since his banning, I’ve stopped going into CE threads that were created after his forced exodus. Of course, what resulted from this debautury was a new message board that’s been in place for more than two years. Of course, Mike rarely ventures over there, but that’s besides the point. Mike, you’ll always be my n*gga, and piss on the whiny bitches who bitched about his Current Events (and other folder) tomfoolery. And just think, I didn't even bring up Mike's exchanges with Ripper -- TSM's own ebony and ivory. 9:15 p.m. • Well I just had a “God damnit, why couldn’t I think of this 10 minutes prior?” moment. Years ago, the idiot boss declared that me and my co-worker who live two floors away from the rest of the office were REQUIRED to call our receptionist (I’ll call her Jane) whenever we leave the building. Well, today the idiot was trying to call my co-worker but he had left the office a few minutes before. After several attempts he then calls me and asks if my co-worker is there. I said I don’t think so and that I’m pretty sure he walked out a few minutes ago. He then asked, “Well did he leave the building?” N*gga I don’t know. Am I his secretary now? My co-worker then returned and told him the idiot is looking for him. A few minutes later I thought why didn’t I respond by saying “I don’t know if he left the building – why don’t you ask Jane if he left because that’s what we were told to do by you.” Oh, yeah, well I had sex with your wife~! 9:30 p.m. • Great. So the better half and I did something today that I knew was going to be trouble. With her being knocked up it was time to go to the pregger store for maternity clothes. Three shirts, two pants and two bras. Ugh. Oh well, at least they were on sale. And I finally got to find Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book” and some “100,000+ Baby Name” publication at the local book store for her b-day tomorrow. Maybe now she’ll finally find a name she likes that’s not from “Lord of the Rings.”