kkktookmybabyaway

The plusses: 1) From that pic she looks cute. 2) She's in a wheelchair, so with a broomstick to the spokes there's no escape for her. The minuses: 1) Kid #1. 2) Kid #2. Iggy has a good point about you not being experienced enough to handle this one. Do the kids live with her or the dad? Also, have you ever considered adopting some kitties? (I can’t remember if this was mentioned before, and I’m not going to bother to check.)

I've moved five times. Each time I said I'd never do it again. I think I bought a house to make sure my next move is either to the old folk's home or to crematorium.

But she ordered a Western BBQ Burger THREE TIMES! Her kids were HUNGRY and she was going on the HIGHWAY!! And they were MOPPING THE FLOOR!!! "You're supposed to be here to protect me." Awesome. Anyone recognize the roads the caller was talking about? I'm guessing this took place in California. EDIT: It did take place in California; one of the responders to this audio said so. What's just as funny is the political discussion that went on toward the bottom of the page.

I think wishing you a winning lottery ticket would be better.

Late last night I learned that Pittsburgh Mayor Bob O’Connor had passed away after a brief bout with a rare form of cancer that attacks the brain and spinal cord. He was 61 years old. I knew he was going to succumb to this sudden diagnosis, especially when the hospital he was at stopped providing updates to the media a few days ago. When it was announced Friday night that the mayor had died, it left a pit in my stomach that’s still there this morning. I don’t know the man, nor have I ever met him, but I’ve followed his public service career for years and always thought of him as a person of integrity. I may not have agreed with him on a number of issues, but many times in local politics you throw away party affiliation and support the better man (or woman, depending on the situation). I think the saddest part of this story is that for years this guy had tried to be mayor, only losing in the Democrat primary each time to the incumbent Tom Murphy. In fact, during the 2001 mayoral election there were allegations that Murphy had some illegal backroom deal with the city’s firefighter’s union where he would give them a sweetheart contract if they would support his candidacy over O’Connor. Murphy ended up winning that election by just 699 votes. (Like I said before, it was a primary, but in this town the “general election” takes place in the Democrat primary.) Whenever Murphy announced he would not seek another term in 2005, it was all but a formality that O’Connor would become the city’s next mayor. There were “elections” and “campaigns,” but everyone with half a brain knew Bob would end up winning. Even when he was on the campaign trail, it seemed that O’Connor was talking more about what he was going to do once elected rather than asking if he could have your vote so he could be elected. When O’Connor finally took the helm in January of 2006 he tried as much as he could to show he wasn’t going to squander the opportunity to head the city he loved. There were two early examples of his leadership in action. The first was successfully planning a post-Super Bowl downtown parade for the Steelers. Even though more than a 250,000 people came downtown to congratulate the Super Bowl champs, O’Connor and his administration made sure the event ran without a hitch, and from the reviews people gave afterwards, it appeared that O’Connor and his staff was for real. The second incident came in wake of a sniper scare. (I commented on this incident back in January.) At first there was concern of a person atop a building with a rifle looking for people to shoot, but in the end it turned out that it was just a maintenance worker hunting pigeons. However, the way the city police/fire/medical services handled this event during those hours when they didn’t know what they were up against showed to many in the area that this town was being managed differently than it had been in previous years. And O’Connor was out in the middle of the action overseeing this operation. One could say he was just being pomp, seeing that his first term was just under way, but if you heard him you could tell he wasn’t trying to be out in the limelight. He wanted to show the city, and the surrounding counties, that the buck was stopping with him. And it showed. It’s a shame O’Connor didn’t win the Democrat primary back in ’01. If he had, Pittsburgh might be in better financial shape today. Sadly, we here in the southwestern Pennsylvania area will never get to know what O’Connor would have been fully capable of as mayor. RIP.

Ditto regarding the bachelor party. I figure enough money is being spent already on one woman with the upcoming wedding -- what's the point of wasting cash on another?

Try this. Get to the bottom of a bag of salt 'n douche potato chips, then take all that residue and put it into your mouth at once.

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 57: El Santiaco I know El mostly for his insight on movies and other entertainment-related material. Although I didn't care much for Donnie Darko, (the best part of the film for me was the line "I'm voting Dukakis"), he also likes Knight Rider and Hellboy in all of their check-your-brain-at-the-door goodness. In addition, we both agree that the best zombie is a slow-moving zombie. Speaking of zombie movies, I still don't get all the love for Shaun of the Dead. I bought it (on sale, of course) and laughed at a few parts, but that was about it. I guess you really have to be into the zombie genre in order to fully appreciate this movie. (I'm sure the same could be said about me and my love for "Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood.") • If you read yesterday’s entry, you probably caught the babble Psycho Princess and nl-asshole spewed out in regards to Mrs. kkk mowing the lawn instead of me performing this tedious chore. The shock. The horror. The outrage. This got me the thinking about other around-the-house duties the better half and I perform and who does what in this union of wedded bliss. Fifty-plus years ago the husband in a marriage was supposed to go out and bring home the bacon while the wife would cook, clean and take care of the kids. Fast-forward to 2006; this sort of role-playing is extinct for many households. What does the job arrangement look like at the kkk manor? Let’s take a gander. When Mrs. kkk and I bought our little slice of the American dream, we came to an agreement that I would mow the lawn while she trimmed the edges of our property with the weed whacker. This way one person wouldn't spend an entire afternoon doing yardwork. The funny thing is for as much as I suck at weed whacking, I think she is even worse. Before she broke the first weed whacker by putting the wrong kind of fuel into its tank, she managed to strike me with that wire shit that actually does the cutting. (I could also mention the time she got pissed off and kicked the weed whacker across the back yard because it wouldn't start. Wait a second, I just did.) Because she probably weed whacks once for every six or seven times I mow the lawn, she’ll surprise me every now and then if she has a day off and feels motivated to romp around outside for a few hours. There’s something else we agreed upon regarding outside work, and that involved planting flowers and other hippie shit. Basically the rule is I want no part of doing this. I don’t care what she does in regards to planting trees or removing shrubs. All I ask is that she not set fire to the property, hit a gas line, or do something that will require us to file a home owner’s insurance claim. When there’s a sizeable job that needs to be done, she’ll call on me to do the heavy lifting. Well, maybe not heavy. More like medium lifting. Take for example one of her summer’s big projects: removing two dozen cement blocks and several dozen bricks the previous owners had half-buried throughout the front and back yard. What is Mrs. kkk planning to do upon removal of these heavy slabs? I have no idea. All I know is that these blocks were a real bitch to transport. On the bright side at least we didn’t have to worry about hauling them beyond out driveway due to the fact her one boss took them for some project he was working on in his yard; one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Other fun duties we share include raking the leaves that fall from our one backyard tree every autumn season. We also take turns shoveling snow in the wintertime. Why do we take turns with the snow? Because each of us can’t stand the way the other person shovels. I prefer to start in the middle of the drive way and shovel “width-wise” in both directions, stacking snow on each of the driveway’s edges. Mrs. kkk prefers to just shovel in one direction and scoop all the snow off to one side. There are other duties that for one reason or another each of us exclusively performs. If there is a hornet's nest that needs gassed, she takes pleasure in destroying it; however, should there be a dead bird that flew into our back porch’s screen, I am the one who buries the carcass. Well, that about covers all the work we do in regards the house's exterior. Tomorrow we'll see what each of us does indoors.

At least I don't have her hovering over me whenever she thinks a bowel movement is approaching, you sick fuck.

Good one. I did the Olestra thing when it first came out. All was good for the first few bags of chips. Then it hit me. Hard. I had a bag or two afterward, but I can't remember the last time I had one of those "Olestra" chips. That linked article is pretty accurate as to what happens when the Olestra takes over.

If by... you mean... then you would be correct. Don't worry, though. Someday you might find unconditional love with someone who can be able to tolerate you for longer than five minutes after blowing a load all over your comforter. Someday.

Wow. I hope he can live with the fact he wasn't able to get on Team USA. Such a shame.

The cumulative league will work the same way as the team league. I'll be using the same point spreads as the team league and you'll just send in your picks (I don't see a need to PM cumulative league picks. I'm debating whether to keep the two leagues under the same deadline or not. I'm going to make two threads for Week 1, so people who don't normally view my pick 'em league will have a chance to participate in the cumulative league, then I'll just merge the two threads every week thereafter. I guess the only difference will be the cumulative league people won't need to submit a TB score. I'll also include all the team league picks in the cumulative league, sans EPs.

• So on Sunday the better half is having some sort of Tupperware party or whatever. I have no clue what the hell is going on, but she’s inviting some people over to buy some crappy houseware items and I’ll be confined to either to top floor or the basement. Whenever Mrs. kkk is expecting visitors she cleans up the house, and this upcoming event is no exception to this habit. To help her with the illusion that we’re not white trash, I decided to mow the lawn in preparation for her big brouhaha. Actually, I mowed the lawn today because the remains of Hurricane Earnesto are scheduled to make an appearance in the Mid-Atlantic region on Friday, and today would be the only time I would probably have in the next week or so to mow the lawn. Besides, I hate cutting the grass on a weekend; it takes away from the whole concept of doing nothing for a few days before going back to work. As I was preparing the lawnmower for another go around the kkk estate, I checked the amount of gas the mower had in the tank. There wasn’t a huge reserve, but I thought there would be enough to last one more mowing session. I thought wrong. Sonofabitch. I was about three-quarters finished with my mowing when the lawnmower began to sputter. I knew then that I’d be making a pit stop to the local Quickie Mart because the reserve gas can was empty. Since the better half mowed the lawn last time, she must have used up the last of the petrol. Oh well. I didn’t feel like using a credit card to pay for only two gallons of fuel, so I busted into the change jar and got out $3.50 in change to go along with the $2 cash in my wallet. Now I know what you’re thinking, “OMG he’s one of those ‘pays-with-change’ assholes.” Well, this time I was. However, I have a rule about paying with change. I try to make the transaction as easy as possible for the cashier because I HATED having someone just toss several dollars worth of quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies onto my workstation in order to pay for their purchase. I counted several times the $3.50 amount I had in just quarters, dimes and nickels (no pennies this time) and headed off to the local Quickie Mart. As I pulled up to the store I stood by the entrance (out of the way of other customers mind you) to sort out this change once again. I put four quarters in one hand, along with ten dimes. I then put two dimes and six nickels on the other side of the quarters. In my other hand I had 20 nickels. I then went into the store and waited my turn. To my surprise there was only one cashier working during afternoon rush hour, but whatever. I approached him and said in a clear voice, “I’d like to prepay $5.50 for pump #3. I’m going to pay with $2 in bills and $3.50 in change.” I then put the four quarters on the counter. I followed it up with the 10 dimes followed by the 20 nickels and then the two dimes and six nickels. I had these coins spaced out so any right-thinking person could tell that I was trying to make the cashier’s job easer by separating the coins by type and in increments of $1 per pile. Hell, I was even telling this kid what I was doing as I was making my piles: “Here’s $1 in quarters, $1 in dimes, $1 in nickels and 50 cents in dimes and nickels.” So what does this asshole do? He takes all of the change, puts it into one big piles and asks, “Did you want to pay for this with exact change?” Oh for fuck’s sake. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Today’s caller was a 28-year old chick that doesn’t know what to do about her husband. She has been married for eight years and has two kids. Recently she’s had concerns about the way her hubby has been acting, especially when a few days ago he got drunk at 4 p.m. and got verbally abusive with her when she told him they weren’t going to have sex. Oh, and also their one kid had a friend over for a play date at this time, too.

I never paid attention to lovecraft's numbers, much like I don't bother with the user name digits of this bitch:

• So yesterday I got this pseudo-magazine in the mail that my local government school district publishes. As I was thumbing through it I got to a section where I was introduced to the new teachers at Norwin High School. Goddamn are these people young; at least three-fourths of them have to be in their low- to mid-20s (I can't remember a non-substitute teacher I had that was in his or her 30s, let alone 20s, during my school days). Most seem to be doing lower-grade subjects, which got me the thinking of a conversation I had with this chick back in Ohio about teacher’s pay. This chick from my time in Ohio had a degree in elementary education, or something similar, and was looking for a job teaching these little brats. Somehow we got on the subject of teacher’s compensation. Genuinely curious about this subject I asked her if she thought she should be paid the same as a high-school professor. She said yes, and I asked why. She couldn’t give an answer, and when I compared her job of making sure everyone has a blankie for naptime to the 12th grade AP Science prof dealing with chemicals that could blow up the school he or she is teaching in, I could tell by the stare I was receiving that I was getting into trouble. Oh well. Too fucking bad. • I don’t really care about the following article or the story it tells. I’m just surprised Utah has a Democrat elected to anything. • This headline made me laugh: Bucs' Sanchez Has Something to Play For. You bet he does – to be good enough to get the hell off this team via a trade or free agency. • The hell? You mean to tell me Republicans were around back then? Damn. Oh, speaking of wacky weather, I had Hannity’s radio show on for a few minutes today (Why oh why did Salem Radio get rid of Dave Ramsey?) and he had a caller that said if Bush caused Hurricane Katrina last year, shouldn’t he get some credit for moving Hurricane Ernesto away from Florida? For some reason this made me laugh. I guess Bush’s decision to steer Ernesto away from the Sunshine State was because the hurricane was going to hit some white neighborhoods. Think about that before you go vote in this year’s elections. Should Democrats take control of Congress, W. is going to fuck some shit up for you Seaboard districts with next year’s wave of hurricanes. Hell, I’m sure he also has power over tornados, earthquakes and volcanoes, so even if you live away from a large body of water, be warned. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this ). We have a tie. Caller A: This woman used to be married to this guy. They already had a few kids (I didn’t hear if they were through adoption or screwing), and then they adopted this girl. Well, it turns out her man was molesting the kid, and eventually he got busted. The happy couple has since split up, and the ex-hubby’s jail sentencing hearing is quickly approaching. This lady was asked by the State to appear and give some testimony as to what a bastard this guy was, but she’s not sure if she wants to do this. The reason? Because it might give her ex a longer sentence. Caller B: This divorced mom, complete with 14-year old boy, started a relationship with this guy who was also the father of a 16-year old girl. One day the caller walked in on the kids having sex. Her question was how to keep these two kids away from each other.

We had to play janitor (and rightfully so). However, I would like to go right by them and clean up as they were leaving. Many of them would get annoyed, but fuck them. One-and-One Man hated it when I did that to him. A few times I'd yell over to my co-worker "I'll be right back. I have to clean the coffee station," while One-and-One Man was still in the store. He wouldn't be pleased. Then again, this piece of shit was always miserable so fuck him.

Regarding the pants: There was a really freaky pick of his pants hiked up to his chest, but I'm not able to show that one. Regarding nl-asshole: Skinheads buttoned thier shirts to the top? Shut the fuck up. Don't you have another Internet vacation to plan? Regarding clown acrobats: They look freaky. I'd make sure I had on a safety net (or two), so to speak.

No Mitch Richmond? For shame. Now how will they get to the second round of the playoffs?

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 58: King PK He’s a mod that likes fiddling with the folders, much to the chagrin of some posters. He’s also an ass when it comes to NFL teams being in the correct division. But goddamn do I love that Avatar. • Well it’s been one year since Hurricane Katrina hit and we got to see the Great Society in all of its glory. And while journalists are commemorating the occasion with reflections of how heroic they were during this time last year in their reporting of mass rapes and cannibalism at the Superdome, it’s made me reflect and think of how lucky I am to be living near the Shittsburgh area. Yeah, you heard me. It’s hard for hurricanes to move in this far inland, and if Shittsburgh gets slammed, then I’m sure Philadelphia would be taken out first, which is a sacrifice I can deal with (wiping out Harrisburg when the state legislature is in session would be a bonus, too). I don’t think there are any nearby active volcanoes, and although we see a tornado every now and then we aren’t in Tornado Alley. The area doesn't face water shortages like the Desert Southwest, and it’s never too hot or too cold, at least when compared to Alaska and Florida. I guess nothing, not even bad weather, wants to stop by this neck of the woods. In fact, the only disasters I have to deal with around here are Democrats. Sure they may take my house via eminent domain (as probably would most Republicans), but at least I'd get "fair market" value and not be BUTT-fucked by my insurance company should a tornado touch down on my property line. • So it looks like that guy who claimed to witness JonBenet Ramey’s death probably lied about his involvement with this case. Don’t care. Whenever there is a media storm like this I run for cover by watching DVDs and playing video games until it is safe to turn back on cable news. My only question in this whole fiasco is what the hell is up with those pants? • This is why I hate it when "children" are mentioned in a story. Who gives a shit? The man died. Would it have been better if this happened during rehearsal or something when nobody was around? Damn this acrobat. Why did you have to die in front of the CHILDREN? • If this is indeed true, I’m surprised Amnesty International isn’t all up in a tizzy over this. After all, one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male is have him watch an animation of himself having gay sex with Satan. • Now this is funny. However I’m a bit suspicious over the authenticity of this bathroom banter. Bitch you knew your mic was on the whole time. No married woman says such things about her lesser half.

Yeah, and the Big Easy is full of chocolate.

Hope you have some money saved or going via scholarship.

Wow. I may be a Jew with my money, but that's just pathetic. If you don't want to hear him bitch, just go into the theater and he can wait for you outside until the movie is over.

Regarding Dinosaurs: The ceratopsians were always my favorite. The triceratops was first followed by the styracosaurus and then the monoclonius. Even though the protoceratops had no horns, they just looked like they could tear some shit up. Regarding Calvin comics: The one I always seem to remember is when he wants to get some money from his mom and ends up asking for soap to write "4 Sale Cheap" on the family car.

Why can't you kids just pick one name and stick to it? I liked Heel's avatar. I was never a Gremlins fan, but that was a cute pic. And I hate to break it to you, but every bureaucracy is incompetent. That’s the nature of the beast. One thing I'll say about the whole Katrina affair: Ray Nagin is no Rudy Giuliani.