KingPK

OAOAST Cola presents... OAOAST BACKTRACK BACKTRACK has been presented by OAOAST Cola: "It's gotta be better than Mountain Dew, right?" Backstage, Josh Matthews is with the participants in this Sunday's World tag team title match. JOSH I'm standing here with the two teams who will meet this Sunday night for the World tag team championship at Living Angleously, the Sooner Bruisers and the Heavenly Rockers. As we just saw, tensions rose last week after the Heavenly Rockers came to the aid of the Sooner Bruisers who were on the receiving end of a South Central Militia mugging. Needless to say, the Sooner Bruisers weren't exactly grateful for Synth and Logan's help. FRANK Why should we be? I don't remember me or my brother sending out an S.O.S. While cold those batons weren't no icebergs. Me and my brother weren't stranded at sea in sub-freezing temperature as the Titanic sank. And even if we were, this high-tech freak and his 25" anacondas would've paddled us to safety. So if you boys are here for an apology the Man of Tomorrow is here to tell you today that ain't gonna happen. But I will apologize right now for what we're gonna do to you Sunday night at Living Angleously, when we take your World tag team titles and wrapped them around our waists, giving ALL my freakoziods a new toy to play with. In fact, because I know your title loss will be crushing, Holly-Wood is welcomed to come over and find out what every one of my freakoziods already knows: that the Man of Tomorrow is her upgrade, download when you need me! Understandably, given everything that he and Holly have gone through, Logan doesn't take too kind to the words from the Man of Tomorrow and lunges towards Frank, only to be restrained by Synth and a hand on the chest by Josh. FRANK COME ON, BITCH! LOGAN (to Synth and Josh) All right, all right, all right. I'm cool. I'm cool. For a guy as tough and jacked up as you are, Frank, you sure do BITCH a lot, don't you? Maybe all that bleach your use to dye your hair has soaked through your skull and damaged your brain, because you don't get it. FRANK I get it. You're a PUSSY who uses a skirt to get the people behind you because you and Casper over there aren't half the wrestlers me and my brother are. SYNTH My brother and I, fool. FRANK Only speak when you're spoken to, boy. SYNTH Don't make moi sing it and bring it...man! LOGAN Trust me, you wouldn't want to see the Synthmeister when he's mad or on the prowl for his lastest underage groupie. But on the subject of pussy, Frank, it's obvious you've had plenty because you're going through one of your mood swings at, if all that biology stuff stands the test of time, around that time of the month. "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" SYNTH You got served, and not to jury duty, bro. FRANKIE (snarling) Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! SYNTH Meeeeowwwwwww! LOGAN As I was saying, before you stricken with that hot flash of a virus in your database, Synth and I didn't save your asses because we're tight. We did it so you'd go into Living Angleously with your heads still attached on your shoulders! The last thing we want is another Sooner Bruisers bitchfest, complaining about how you were too banged up going into Living Angleously and that's why you lost to us AGAIN. In a moment of rage, possibly roid related, Frank wraps his massive hands around Mann's throat but quickly releases his grip and cools down. JOSH Guys, please! FRANK You got a set of balls on you, Mann, I'll give you that. But it's gonna take more than a set to beat us twice in two months. It's gonna take luck. So all your oddmaker friends in Vegas better take note, smart money is on the Sooner Bruisers becoming the new World tag team champions. SYNTH (scoffs) If smart money is Monopoly money, son. Because real money lies with the rockers from Sin City who keep rock 'n' roll alive and life real. Give me some, Mann. * FIST POUND * SYNTH That's love right there. Love. The type of love a brother has for another brother. Mad respect. Mad respect. Show 'em what it be all about. The Heavenly Rockers hold up their tag belts in the faces of the Sooner Bruisers. Not to be outdone, the Man of Tomorrow jiggles his pecs and flexes his "byte-cips" while baby brother HOWLS to the heavens. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" JOSH I think both teams are ready for Living Angleously. That does it from here. "Punishment" by Biohazard begins to blare over the speakers as we journey back to the arena for more of the Aussie flavored HeldDOWN~! here on April 27, 2006. The athletically gifted duo of Quentin Benjamin and Charlie Moss, flanked by Mr. Rick Heyross himself, head down the aisle to a loud chorus of boos from the Australian fans who don't have much respect for the rulebreaking faction. Heyross enters the ring along with his charges, and motions for Michael Buffer to pass over the microphone, ordering the famed announcer out of the ring so that he doesn't cramp their time in the spotlight. HEYROSS Alright you people, on your feet, and give the proper respect to the two best pure athletes in the OAOAST, and the world today! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Something tells me these people aren't about to oblige, Rick! HEYROSS Go ahead, go ahead and boo, because you and I both know it's out of pure JEALOUSY for my two boys! More booing ensues, which Quentin and Charlie blow off in short order. HEYROSS But, as a token of good faith, we're going to show you boomerang tossing bunch of ex-cons and future cons what REAL ATHLETICISM is all about. That's why we're out here, to call out anyone in the back that things they have even half the talent Team Heyross does! Quentin, Charlie and Rick all look to the back, with nothing happening after the callout. Seconds later, "My Own Summer" by the Deftones hits, and the cameras close in on the jaw dropping reaction of Rick Heyross, as the big Samoan Faqu, and his newly cleared to wrestle partner, "Strong Stylin'" James Blonde, charge down the aisle! CABOOSE It's Blonde and Faqu! COLE The past few weeks have not been good to either man, as Blonde was sidelined with an arm injury coming off the Two For The Money contest. Faqu fared a little better, although he came up short in two bids for the HI-YAH Title, both times due to nefarious means from the trio of the GPX and Jamie O'Hara! CABOOSE These are not two men I'd be taking lightly at this point! Blonde and Faqu hit the ring, and are immediately pounced on by Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin. Blonde is backed into a corner and stung with multiple right hands by Quentin, while Charlie picks Faqu up and fires him into the ropes...only to be plowed over with a huge shoulderblock! As he gets up, Faqu blasts him twice in the right leg with hard kicks, then snapmares him over and hits the ropes, delivering a hard running soccer kick to the back! Charlie rolls out to the floor, while Blonde gets sent across the ring, into the far corner...but when Quentin charges, he runs right into a boot! He staggers back, and Faqu hits the ropes, leaping off his feet with great agility for a big man, and floors him with a big lariat. As he's laid out on the canvas, Benjamin is then stunned with a running high kneedrop from Blonde, and then a jumping back senton from Faqu, which is enough to send him packing! COACH Team Heyross wasn't prepared for this! This isn't right! COLE They made the open challenge! COACH Well...STILL! Blonde and Faqu get up from the double team, and witness Charlie springboarding back in...but they catch him, and deliver a double team STO, droppping him on the back of his head! Blonde then motions to the corner, and Faqu follows. Blonde steps out to the apron, while Faqu climbs the ropes and sits on the top rope. Blonde then climbs up the ropes...and up on his partners shoulders, standing up at a vertical base before leaping off, and crashing down with a flying headbutt to the sternum of Charlie Moss! Blonde then rolls out of the way as Moss reels, and the big man then stands himself up on the top rope, and delivers a flying splash, crashing his near 300 pound frame atop the collegiate wrestling superstar before hooking a leg for the pin! ONE! TW-NO! Benjamin saves the day by sliding in and dropping an axehandle across the back of Faqu's head. He pulls him up and sends him to the corner, but Faqu reverses, however Quentin gets the better of him by grabbing the ropes and springing back...but Faqu catches him on his shoulders! Faqu carries him to mid-ring, then SPIKES him with a Death Valley Driver! He gets up and sees Moss pulling himself up near the ropes, so he runs and tackles him, taking him out to the floor through the ropes while Blonde hops over Benjamin and springs up to the second rope, then the third, and moonsaults back landing with a legdrop across the throat of Quentin Benjamin! COLE Amazing manuever! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING! DING! DING!* CABOOSE It was quick, but I can't say it was painless! Heyross is having conniptions, as Nick Patrick raises the hand of James Blonde, and Faqu once he returns to the squared circle. The duo embrace, pleased with their performance, as are the fans, who have really taken to the two of them in recent months. COLE I wonder what it tasted like when Heyross had to eat his words! COACH Oooh, you're a funnyman now, huh? Heyross stomps and moans, angered that his prized tag team was just beaten handily by the duo that no one believed had worked hard to reinvent themselves. Faqu and Blonde exit the ring, slapping some hands on the way back to the dressing room, while Heyross scrambles to get his team together and recover. We cut to the backstage area and head over to the catering table, which is where we find Peter Knight (in street clothes) shining up an apple and grabbing a bottle of water. He turns, but the sight in front of him stops him in his tracks. BROCK I recommend the chicken; it's excellent tonight. Brock purposefully bumps into Knight's shoulder as he walks past him and grabs a water bottle himself. KNIGHT I bet you're happy that Axel gave the both of us the night off, you know, after the beatings I've given you all through this tour in our matches. BROCK Pfft, please. I've beaten your ass so hard that you've left a blood trail from Poyngyang to Brisbane. KNIGHT Yeah, that didn't sound too gay. BROCK Oh look at you, all loose and witty before our big match Sunday. Too bad that, like the Colts when it counts, someone else is going to walk out of Indy with the win. And, unlike last year, I am NOT going to submit to anything either you or Alf throw at me. Last year you got LUCKY, that's all. KNIGHT Really? BROCK Really. KNIGHT Care to make it interesting? BROCK What do you mean? Knight reaches into his pants (quick, cover the childrens' eyes!) and pulls out......a $50 bill (US) which he slaps onto the table. Brock looks over at the money and then back to Knight. BROCK Shit, make it $100 and we've got a deal. KNIGHT Fine. I'd wish you luck for Sunday.....but I don't want to waste a wish. Knight snatches his money back and takes a swig of water as he walks out of frame. We fade out on Brock as he watches Knight go. Commercial break

OAOAST HeldDOWN is now available in OAOAST HTML As the opening video wraps up, we see a montage of sights from Sydney, Australia, the site of the final HeldDOWN before Living Angleously and the final stop on our 2006 Pacific Tour. We head into the soon to be named Acer Arena where 21,000 screaming Aussies are ready for another night of great OAOAST action. We head over to Sofa Central where everyone's favorite difficult to write for three man team is ready to go. COACH I don't need anyone to write a script for me; I do things by the seat of my pants. CABOOSE Crystal. COACH MUH BABY GURRRRRRL~! COLE G'day ladies and gentlemen and welcome to HeldDOWN from Sydney! I'm Michael Cole and tonight is the final stop on a very successful tour around Asia and Australia leading up to Living Angleously back in the States this Sunday night. We'll hear from many of the PPV participants tonight along with some great matches, including Hoff in action in our main event. Also coming up tonight..... Michael Cole is cut off by the sounds of Renegade by Jay-Z & Eminem, signalling the arrival of a man hated by fans all over the world, Reject. COACH Well isn’t this a nice surprise guys? Joined by the incomparable former Deadly Alliance member, Reject! COLE I compare him to Randy Orton. COACH Kayfabe, Michael. The former X Division Champion strolls down to the squared circle, a white spotlight following him down to the ring. Walking up the ring steps and into the squared circle, Reject grabs a microphone from ringside, and signals for the music to be cut. COLE I wonder what’s on Rejects mind? And why he's starting off the show? Reject pauses for a moment, with the crowd lightly booing him, not knowing his purpose. REJECT You know, ever since I set foot in this stinking country… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” REJECT …I’ve seen nothing but the ugliest women in the world, the stupidest people in the world, and the dumbest animals in the world. I mean, seriously people. And you had a holiday three days ago, what was it called? COLE Uh-oh… CABOOSE Uh, Reject, slamming a country’s people is one thing, this is another completely. REJECT Ahhh, that’s right. ANZAC Day. I didn’t know what the hell an ANZAC was, and then I found out. It’s a type of biscuit. You have a holiday for a weird snack food? The crowd are getting fired up now, with chants of ‘YOU ARE A WAN-KER! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!’ filling the arena. Still, Reject presses on. REJECT But seriously, someone told me what ANZAC meant. The Australian and New Zealand Armed Corps. Now I don’t know about you people, but I don’t recall exactly what the Australian army has done that’s worth celebrating. You were Britains bitchboys fo… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” COLE This is gonna get ugly, the fans here are past pissed, guys. REJECT YOU WERE BRITAINS BITCHBOYS FOR A CENTURY PEOPLE! What do you have to be proud of? Huh? You went to the wrong beach and get your asses kicked in the war, and now you have a holiday for it? “AAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS-HOOOOOOLLLLEEE! AAAAAAAASSSSSS-HOOOOLLLLEEE!!!” The fans chants completely drown out Reject, as every Aussie in the building is on their feet jeering the hated former X Champion. REJECT YOU WENT TO THE WRONG BEACH! YOU SCREWED UP AND YOU PAID FOR IT! Chant all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that your military, along with your country, is nothing but a BIG. PIECE. OF SH… THE LIGHTS GO OUT! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” COLE What’s this? With the arena plunged into darkness, the fans go into a frenzy. The drums start up, and the crowd EXPLODES with a huge ovation, as a Big Red X appears on the screen! COLE You don’t mess with the boss’ home country! The drums start up, with Reject being slightly confused by the situation. It is clear that these are the drums at the beginning of Millionaire’s “I’m on a High”. The guitar follows the drum beat, and the hometown boy appears, the GM, appears at the entrance ramp, sporting jeans, a Big Red X T-shirt and his old leather coat, as well as an Australian flag in hand! CABOOSE OH NOES RANDY REJECT IS A GONER! The music gains momentum, and Axel stops in the middle of the entrance way, flag in hand… BOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!! …and strikes the crucifix pose, hoisting the national emblem high in the air! Axel, a look of pure rage in his eyes, places the flag in the steel steps so as to keep it upright, removes his coat and slides into the ring as the theme music continues. COLE Wow, he looks PISSED! COACH This arena is goin' off like a frog in a sock! COLE Coach, do me a favor. Don't learn local slang. Axel ascends the turnbuckles, striking the crucifx pose to his crowd, and leaving Reject on the other side of the ring, still flabbergasted by the situation. REJECT Wait a minute! WAIT A MINUTE! CUT THE MUSIC! CABOOSE And now he’s cutting the General Managers music off. Smart one. COACH I’m sure Axel is just out here to tell Reject what a fantastic job he’s doing with fan relations. Axel jumps off the turnbuckles and faces Reject, REJECT Now, GM, boss, what are you doing out here? This isn’t your time. This is my time. "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" REJECT With all due respect, you don’t belong out here. So if you’d kindly vac-AHH! Axel floors Reject with a clothesline out of NOWHERE! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” Reject, reeling from the blow, gets to his feet, runs at Axel… SPIIIIINNNEEEBUUUSSSTTTAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! COLE We’ve waited a while to say this. guys… TRIPLE C ...BETTER THAN HOFFS! Axel, his eyes still filled with rage, looks at the fallen Reject, and then the crowd who roar in appreciation. He points at the fallen wrestler, and the fans roar even louder, wanting their homeland hero to finish the job. AXEL BIG RED FREAKIN X MY FRIEND! Axel makes an X with his arms and then the crucifix pose, grabbing Reject, and bringing him to his feet. Axel hoists the former X Division champion in the air… …AXEL SLAM!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Reject goes limp after the impact, and the crowd goes crazy! COLE THE AXEL SLAM! AXEL JUST DRILLED REJECT! COACH ABUSE OF POWER! CABOOSE Reject is out guys, he’s out! COLE Axel might not be liked by many in the states, but he’ll always be loved by these fans right here in Australia! Axel’s music begins playing, but he soon asks for it to be cut, before grabbing a microphone. AXEL You know, I’ve been sitting back these last few weeks, not doing a lot about anything. Not coming to the ring, just doing my job, and making everyone happy. That’s fine. I’m not out here to wrestle every week anymore. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still get my hands dirty when I feel its needed. And that right there, that was needed. I can handle someone badmouthing this country to a point. Its called free speech, and it’s an implied right here. But if anyone DARES to come into my country, my home… “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAH!” AXEL …in front of my fellow Australians, and badmouths the ANZACS, the men and women who made this country what it is, the men and women of this country who have fought and died for everything that I believe in, and everything that each and every one of you believe in… “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAHHHH!!!” “AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL!” The chants go up huge, and Axel relishes in them, cracking a half grin, before finishing. AXEL …if anyone dares to do that on my show, then they’d better believe I’m gonna kick their *BLEEP*ING ASS! “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” AXEL This is the best country in the world. Bar none. And while I might not be respected in the States for what I do, I know I can always come here and gain the respect I deserve. Thank you. The crowd applaud, and Axel begins to leave, but stops… AXEL I almost forgot… AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE! CROWD OI OI OI! AXEL AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE! CROWD OI OI OI! AXEL AUSSIE! CROWD OI! AXEL AUSSIE! CROWD OI! AXEL AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!!! CROWD OI OI OI! YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!! “I’m on a High” starts up again and Axel leaves the ring, but not without grabbing the Aussie flag on the way through and slapping a few hands. The GM walks up the ramp and waves the flag to the capacity crowd at the Sydney Superdome, before exiting, as we go to a… *COMMERICAL BREAK*

*Cuts Spider-Hoff's webs*

Pap smears the Indians for his 9th save in 9 tries, tying the rookie record for consecutive saves to start a season.

As Remy's been pointing out, the difference between Keith Foulke's changeup this year compared to last is like night and day.

I saw in the paper that next season, NFL Network will air four of the best games of the previous week on Tuesday and Wednesday nights in 90-minute edited versions, two per night. The games would be announced on Monday and games that originally aired in HD would still air in HD on the network. Example #234521 that the NFL has its shit together. EDIT: Here's the press release with more info --

I want Adam to be a Nice Guy again.

We will never know.

Yeah, that looks great. Next week I'm going to C&P the show into Word and play around with the fonts to see if there's one that would make it look even better.

Yes, it's always the ump's fault. I guess they're going to get "screwed over" about 60-70 more times this season. I was thinking earlier how quickly this Sox/Jays game was going, but now we're in the 12th.

Shaun Alexander has earned himself a torn ACL sometime this season as he is the coverboy for Madden NFL 2007. I love how NFL Network On Demand lets you look at the top prospects individually or by position. Blows whatever ESPN is trying to do out of the water.

After watching Burnett (for four innings, at least), Beckett and Lowell make plays tonight, Marlins fans must be throwing things about now.

I just caught the fight at the end when I got home from the game, so I was wondering what the fuck that "Dagger!" stuff was all about. Ross all but threw in the towel after he couldn't get off the mat. I'm just glad that we're dumping the weaker fighters now so we can get to the good stuff.

Well, I sure picked a stinker to go to Fenway for tonight. For some reason, I decided to sit Kazmir on my fantasy team for this start, so every K was like a double dagger to the heart. Still, I can't believe how Fenway seems to look better and better every year; getting rid of those giant windows in the .406 Club was the best thing management has done since building the Monster Seats.

Hmm, I think the format works well with both regular TV and PPV. The black with white text (with a little orange thrown in) would definitely be the right way to go for HD. For PPV's just base the colors on Papa's graphics (like the aqua color for Zero Hour). Nice job, MMoM.

That's an interesting idea, being able to skip around the show without a ton of scrolling. Try it out for a few weeks, I say.

Wait a minute, wait a minute......is that the Ultimate Warrior's theme music I just heard when Papelbon was warming up on the mound? He is now the greatest player ever.

Damn, Beckett's starting Friday instead of the Thursday game I'm going to. Wake/Kazmir should be an interesting matchup though. Geez, Yook's a hoss w/RISP this year.

But that might have the effect of people saying "Ok, I know who's fighting, so I just have to watch the last 15 minutes or so" and then forgetting to watch the show altogether.

See, this is why I'd like to see the Sox offense start to get going more; the bullpen isn't going to be lights out every night and you won't win a 1-run game every time.

Yeah, that's the kind of Ramirez at-bat I've been waiting for all season. Patient, waiting for the right pitch to go opposite field with. Fun fact: Today is the 25th anniversary of the longest game in professional baseball history between the Pawtucket Red Sox and Rochester Red Wings on April 18, 1981. It went 32 innings and was called at 4:09 AM the next morning with the score still tied 2-2. They resumed two months later (in June) and Pawtcket won 3-2 when Dave Koza knocked in Marty Barret in the bottom of the 33rd.

Of course I choose TONIGHT to bench Grady Sizemore because he's been struggling a bit..

Uh huh. I'm sure that major league hitters would phear the 78MPH "heat" you'd hurl at them. What IS the problem with Johnson and Posada, anyway? He isn't that difficult to catch since he doesn't have a pitch like the knuckleball in his arsenal. EDIT: Holy crap, Manny finally has an extra base hit this year!

As far as I know, Hoff doesn't have access to GCF and he's posting this week so I'd say PM-ing this to him would be better. Gotta break your habit for one week

They need to give him his own part of the screen that shows him just throwing a tennis ball against the wall and checking his watch.