bob_barron

I've never liked Natalie Portman. I thought Garden State was terribly overrated, Anywhere But Here was awful and I didn't like her in the Star Wars movies. Closer was awesome but not because of her. The Classic SNL last night (Bruce Willis/Neil Young) was amazing.

SNL Review- Natalie Portman/Fall Out Boy Tribute- Don Knotts- Barney Fife is one of my favourite characters of all time, and I loved the Andy Griffith Show. Mr. Furley was great as well. RIP Don, thanks for the memories. Barney Fife will live on forever. Sports Report- Maple Leafs- Ouch. Remember when they were playing pretty well and were defying expectations? Well so much for that. They need to blow up this team and just start over. Fire Quinn and Ferguson, it’s just not working. Canucks- Going 2-1 without your top three defencemen is impressive and they are staying close in that Northwest division race. I really hope Salo and Ohlund can come back soon, we need all the help we can get to overtake Calgary. Nets- I was about to lambaste them for half-assing it this week, but they had a great comeback win against the Raptors and Jefferson, Carter and Kidd looked excellent. I think the game lit a fire on their asses and hopefully they can capitalise on it and kick ass again, Mailbag!!!!!!!!!!!!!- [email protected] writes- Hey Bob- This is Ken Hayashi again. I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on the preliminary card for WrestleMania 22 on April 2. They’ve already planned five major matches- Cena v. HHH- WWE Title Angle v. Orton v. Rey- World Title Taker v. Henry Vince v. HBK Foley v. Edge Frankly, I’m pissed that Edge had to drop the WWE title so soon. Edge v. Cena v. HHH would’ve been a much better main event for ‘Mania. So I’m quite apathetic about Cena v. HHH, since either guy winning wouldn’t do anything for me. Angle v. Orton v. Rey could be decent, and hopefully they won’t keep pissing all over Eddy. Taker v. Henry is whatever, and I’ll be pissed if that match lasts more than 5 minutes. Vince v. HBK doesn’t really interest me either, and unless Bret does a run-in, the match will die. Foley v. Edge seems rather pointless, but the match could be fun if booked ECW-style. So what do you think of the card being developed for WM22? Do you think Bret will physically get involved in the show like Hogan did last year? Later, Ken Yea, Wrestlemania looks pretty underwhelming this year. Cena-HHH is gonna suck, the three-way should’ve just been Angle v. Rey, Taker v. Henry will suck, Vince v. HBK is pointless, and Foley v. Edge will be fun but has lacklustre build. It’ll probably end up being an okay-good show, but it just seems so slapped together. I heard Bret won’t be at the actual show, just the HOF, but I don’t expect him to do anything physical. He did have a stroke. Wanna be in the mailbag????? Email me at [email protected] And now the review… Cold Opening Cast- Will Forte, Darrell Hammond Thoughts- Yay, Forte’s W. returns. This was the usual solid cold opening, as I continue to enjoy Forte’s impression. Some really good lines here, especially Bush rationalising Katrina and talking about facing off with Bin Laden. It kind of reminded me a bit of the first W. skit post 9/11. Even though it’s a bit stale, I didn’t mind Darrell’s little cameo at the end. Good start to the show. ***1/4 Monologue Cast- Natalie Portman, Chris Parnell, Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis, Finesse Mitchell, Kristin Wiig Thoughts- Natalie shaved her head last summer, I would hope she’d have grown it out by now, since she didn’t look that great. Natalie countering the Stars Wars geeks, though done before on the Simpsons, was really funny. Could’ve done without Finesse’s bit, but Kristin’s exchange redeemed it. I never saw the middle of either trilogy, so I can’t verify if what Natalie said was correct. ***1/2 Bald Babies Cast- Bill Hader Thoughts- This was pretty random but it had its moment. It didn’t work at the beginning but the ending with Hader holding his son and the Baby Beards is what clinched it for me. **1/2 Jamba Juice Cast- Portman, Rachel Dratch, Horatio Sanz, Seth Meyers, Kenan Thompson, Amy Poehler, Parnell, Hader Thoughts- Jamba Juice always confounded me because I thought they mainly served juices, but instead they mostly make smoothies. I guess they wanted Jamba Juice for alliteration, and something like Saucy Smoothies didn’t work. I know someone who worked for Jamba Juice and they were pretty energetic, yet I never went in there. In case you’re wondering why I’m talking about Jamba Juice and not the skit itself, it’s because well, the skit blew. The boundless energy didn’t translate to humour and of course Seth laughing knocks it a bit. I laughed at Parnell, and that’s about it. * Larry King Cast- Portman, Fred Armisen, Poehler, Dratch, Forte, Wiig Thoughts- I don’t really know what they were going for here. I was almost as confused as Larry King as to who was supposed to be what. And Fred’s Larry King has been done much better. His conversation with Amy was amusing and I thought the end bit about Portman’s penis was good stuff. The rest was just lame, and the random Felicity Huffman bit did nothing for me. ** Needlers Cast- Portman, Meyers, Poehler, Sudeikis Thoughts- As much as I love the Needlers, and I did enjoy this one, this edition was oddly flat. The audience was not into it at all, and the timing seemed a bit off. Still it’s the Needlers, it’s Seth and Amy, and you know I enjoyed it. Usual good lines here, especially Seth’s about the red wine and Amy talking about his lack of promotion. I really wish they would come up with a new ending for the Needlers, since them having sex is so played, even though it did lead to a nice dirty joke by Seth. I like the Needlers, but they’ve done so much better. I would hold off doing it for a while, just so it doesn’t become lame and unfunny. Still, this was good. *** TV Funhouse Thoughts- They really should’ve pretaped Dennis Haysbert’s bit or had him learn his lines…or something! Gore blimey, that was awkward. The Token Blacks was alright but should’ve been better. I did like the Bryant Gumble ending. The Driving Miss Daisy thing was whatever, I would’ve liked to see someone mock Morgan Freeman. The Lady Smith Black Mazambo thing was hilarious and easily the highlight of the show. The English to African joke was great, and seriously, that was just awesome. So yea, the first two kinda sucked but the last one was awesome. ***1/4 Nune Cast- Portman, Armisen, Maya Rudolph, Parnell, Sudeikis Thoughts- Calgary is really polished right now and they looked great against San Jose, especially how they were suffocating them that third period. I mean I know San Jose has nothing besides Thorton and the people he plays on the line with, but really, you should’ve seen Calgary’s D. Oh, I watched the Hockey Night in Canada game rather then concentrating on the Nunes. But what I saw was really bad, and Maya Rudolph coming back helps nobody. ¼* Fall Out Boy ‘Dance Dance’ Thoughts- I thought I had never heard Fall Out Boy before, but I realised this was the song my roommate had been playing ever since I told him how Fall Out Boy were douchebags on Letterman. I came in wanting to hate this, but they’re really not so bad. The lead singer really pisses me off though, and I couldn’t understand a word they were saying. **1/4 Weekend Update Cast- Portman, Tina Fey, Poehler, Hammond, Mitchell, Thompson Thoughts- Tina and Amy were their usual bad self, even though I laughed at a few of their jokes. Portman as Sasha Cohen sucked the first time, but I’m a sucker for an Aristocrats joke, so I really enjoyed the second one. Darrell as Martha Stewart/Donald Trump was alright and thankfully they didn’t let it drag out too long. Kenan’s bit modelling the drag started off lame, but Kenan saying “Hell yea” and talking about the pouch for the penis and balls was funny stuff. I didn’t need Finesse doing the Stahkisha bit though. This Update had its highlights, but was the usual mediocre stuff. **1/4 Wake Up Wakefield Cast- Portman, Dratch, Rudolph, Forte, Armisen, Samberg Thoughts- Hmmmm, I guess the Wake Up Wakefield characters never age, or else they would’ve been 9 when the skit started, and that makes no sense. Also, I always bought Sheldon as being older then 13, especially given how long the skit had been on the air. And, Adam Levine? Maybe in 2004 when Maroon 5 was starting to hit it big I could buy that one, but come on. I have to say, Sheldon and the other girl’s song being Follow Me by Uncle Kracker was really funny, and a nice touch to Sheldon’s geekiness. Jazz Times 10 showing up at the end was cute, although they didn’t play their usual song. Despite those nice touches, the world really didn’t need a Wake Up Wakefield again and this was pretty bad. *1/2 SNL Digital Short Cast- Portman, Parnell, Meyers, Samberg Thoughts- The Chronicwhatchles of Vendetta. I said the Chronic what? Chles of Leon. Man, that joke doesn’t work when Natalie Portman hasn’t made a movie with the word Chronicles in it. A quick check of imdb confirms this. I forgot she was in Everyone Says I Love You though, great movie. This so wanted to be another Lazy Sunday, but well, you’re not getting another Lazy Sunday. The bleeps were really funny, because, all bleeps are funny. The ending was weak though and it soured me on the skit. **1/2 Fall Out Boy ‘Sugar We’re Going Down’ Thoughts- Global or NBC seemed to have some technical difficulties so this started a little late, but I don’t think I missed anything. This had a lot of energy and I loved seeing a band take my advice and go crazy at 12:50 am. I still couldn’t understand a word they said but I liked the energy. **3/4 Smoke Alarm Cast- Parnell, Armisen, Forte, Dratch, Sanz, Thompson, Mitchell, Sudeikis Thoughts- This was actually pretty funny. I liked Fred as the ultra serious fireman and this was a good concept. I have to say that I think I’d be more likely to get out of the house if I had some annoying 80s synthesizer music playing. The stuff with Fred telling people to get out of the house ASAP and Parnell talking about enjoying the music was good stuff. I also enjoyed the little bit with Finesse and Kenan at the end. ***1/4 The Bottom Line- Avg. skit was **.38 making this a thumbs in the middle show. It got off to a good start but then nosedived once the first skit began. Nothing stood out, and a skit like the Needlers just fell flat. There were some unneeded recurring characters like Wake up Wakefield and the Nune people and Natalie Portman just couldn’t deliver. The show just never was able to put together a few good skits in a row. I really like Matt Dillon, so I hope he can deliver a good show next week. I’ll chalk this one up to an Olympic hangover. Thumbs in the Middle

Malenko's James Bond theme was the shit

Bring in Steiner, have him crush some low carders for a bit to look badass and then feed him to Joe, Monty or Christian and then cut him loose.

They're going to be on SNL March 11th

What's your point? That's ROH's fanbase! And if a Danielson v. Storm match gets rave reviews, it will do huge for tape sales. So people will care.

False Agreed

Your mom

No, it's a Special K bias

Bullet the Blue Sky is much better live. The version they did on the Elevation Tour was fantastic. Zooropa is some good stuff. Nothing except for Stay (Faraway, So Close!) stands out but I like everything on it. They debuted The First Time on the 3rd leg of the Elevation tour- really good song live.

Yes it was because this ppv is going to suck balls big time bitch Your mom

One's good, but it's not a favourite. I prefer Johnny Cash's version.

Get in line- http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/index.php?showtopic=13898

I think the biggest thing is the loss of Jay Lethal's mom

I can't mock Coffey?

Appoint a TNA mod or ban me.

No, it aired in Canada a day early

It has to be Ovechkin.

Solid episode tonight. Not spoiling anything but the Dwight-Michael stuff is really funny,

I like that list, even though I need to listen to Drowning Man a bit more. I like With or Without You but it's not one of my favourites. I've been really into some of the B-sides recently, really digging Flower Child. City of Blinding Lights, Sunday Bloody Sunday, Mercy, In A Little While, Bullet the Blue Sky, Bad, Unforgettable Fire, Please, Mofo and Stay (Faraway, So Close!) is prob my top 10 right now. Although as I said, it changes constantly.

Yes, it was

No. NO. The scene at the beginning where he keeps botching this case that's hilarious. I also liked the interrogation scene

October just doesn't work. There's some good stuff on it, but a lot of filler. Bono losing his notebook right before recording really screwed them over. Rattle and Hum has some great songs but is just too bloated. I could listen to every song seperately and enjoy it, but as an album it's just too much. Pop has some bad clunkers, but the best songs on Pop are probably my favourite U2 songs. Please, Wake Up Dead Man, Mofo, Staring at the Sun, Gone- are all songs that I could put in my top 10 U2 song list (which changes daily)

Oh I know, but I don't think they'll reveal the mother for a while. Being on CBS is a blessing and a curse b/c while a lot of people watch the show, it also has high expectations from the network. King of Queens ending soon is a plus though, as it leaves a slot open.

Steve J. Rogers should stop starting threads. And no, baseball isn't a joke nationally, to think so would be stupid.