bob_barron

SNL also predicted the second Iraq War during a skit in December 2000. But really- this could've been posted in the other 900 Matt Hardy threads

Yea, I had a bit of trouble understanding that. Is there an easy way to convert them to .mp3s or something?

I downloaded some torrents that are .shn files, and I don't know how to play them. Anyone?

I have a feeling CBS told them to end on a cliffhanger, since it seemed tacked on

I bought Joan of Arcadia Season 1 today, but I promise I will have NewsRadio in my hand by the weekend. I'm price searching right now

Yea, Perfect Man looks pretty awesome. It has MR. BIG!~ and Mike O'Malley. I just hope it can do what ACS did at the box office, since after Raise Your Voice, she needs a hit. And it's Hilary with one 'l'. Not two.

Why is Ill an admin again? The guy was pretty bad the last time he was an admin, and he even admitted that.

I simply saw a report on another site, thinking it was the box office report, and I posted it. On a Saturday. How could they know the weekend box office on Saturday?

Crono T was banned

Mod me plz

I just want to know why treble's account got suspended.

Now treble can't log in. What happened??

Because pointing out that I liked a movie is a great way to discredit my point on how I think a movie will do. Jolie isn't a draw, her last hit film was 4 years ago. Pitt isn't much of a draw either, domestically at least. The movie will do okay but I don't think it's going to be a big blockbuster hit.

You don't have to apologise, I didn't like the show that much either. I'm not a fan of Fred's Prince mainly because I think the skit is stupid and it's spoofing something that happened last year, that no one remembers. I didn't mind the Seth 35 part, I thought he played it well. The Fred-Will mini-conversation is getting no love, and I thought it was hilarious. I like racial jokes in general, so I was dying during the Fred-Kenan bit. I don't blame anyone if they thought the show blew as for a season finale, this was really weak.

This wasn't that researched, mostly just going back through my old reviews and catalouging all my ratings. I'm still very bitter over 1996. I ain't getting over that one until the day I die. Rock's second hosting gig had way too many recurring characters. I also just missed out on seeing that show by one number so I will hate that show until I die and/or meet The Rock. You definetley should. While I've grown a bit worn out by overnight standby, I did stop by the line each week and still had a fun time. Update is amazing on that show. One of my 4 favourite Updates ever. It has a crappy monologue and some other stuff. I gave the show a terrible rating, but I don't remember hating it as much as the avg. skit suggests.

That's what happens whenever I meet a wrestler. Everyone is really cool. Maybe you have a different opinion b/c people from New England are assholes or something. :-)

Most of the thread was just me, AC212, Matt and Spiff just going back and forth on how much we loved NewsRadio for 10-15 pages. That's why we love it. I can't wait for tomorrow. We've waited three long years for this

What do you expect from trash like DOI?

Actually the crowd was really into Angle, not Benoit. Everyone was going crazy for Angle the entire match

Her boobs are real

Probably because she's black, can sing and has Groundlings background. She's pregnant or at least heavily rumoured to be, so hopefully she won't be back.

Lohan's a lost cause- I still can't get over how terrible she looked on Friday

While I disagree with you on Seth, I do agree that the cast needs a massive overhaul. Keep those four and Amy, the rest are very much expendable. I like Darrell but it's time to rely on someone else to carry the cold openings and impressions for a change. I'd keep Amy around just because she can be good and skits. Oh and maybe Sudeikis too, since I've seen him be funny at improv. They've been getting really good at the Best Ofs recently so this one should be nothing sort of awesome. I assume they'll do a Best of Goodman soon too. It's actually 124. It was supposed to be even longer but I cut some ideas and never got to write other stuff due to time purposes. The Bickering Couple skit from a few weeks ago was some really good Seth work and I thought he was great in the Star Wars skit. Seth's the guy they should be building the show around, with Forte and Kenan. Fred has Ferecito, but I think he wants to retire that one so he doesnt become attached to it. Sadly, my idea to him of LL being Hilary in a Ferecito never came to fruition. Forte is needed because of his off the wall bizarre skits and his Zell Miller impressions.

Part 7: Rating the cast, sports report, mailbag and the actual review plus my closing thoughts. Rating the cast- Fred Armisen: Fred appeared in 0 of the skits on my top 10 list but that’s not really his fault. More of a victim of bad luck. Fred had some recurring characters that shouldn’t have been, but when I look back at him this season, I’m going to remember him as the bird, the Tony Danza impression and most importantly bailing out Update each week. At times he made slogging through a Tina/Amy suckfest worth it so I could see him as Camilla Parker Bowles, touring the Gates or being the deaf comic. Fred has room for improvement if he cuts out some of his dead weight, but right now I’m really happy with his work. ***1/2 Last year: ***1/4 Rachel Dratch: What did Rachel do this year besides drive Debbie Downer into the ground? I can’t honestly remember. She had maybe one or two funny bits on Weekend Updates and didn’t stand out too much, which is par for the course for her SNL tenure. * Last year: ** Tina Fey- This rating hurts to give. I never thought I would go to hating Tina Fey seeing as how I used to love her death and jump to her defence anytime said anything bad about her. But the fact remains that the woman who helped revitalise Update is now killing it. She chose to put Amy on the desk and thus she bears much of the blame. Even though she had some okay Updates, it was sad watching her at times. Laughing at Amy’s jokes, doing bits with Amy that showed they have no chemistry, and doing stale Bush joke after stale Bush joke. Even though she wants to come back, I hope Tina realises that baby+SNL=bad cominbation. *1/4 Last year: **** Will Forte- Will continues to impress and even when his stuff doesn’t work, I admire his effort and understand where his bits are coming from. Even though it could never live up to Ferrell, I thought his Bush impression was good. He had some good bits on Weekend Update and his Zell Miller was just out of this world awesome. He puts so much energy and expression into it, that it’s easily become my favourite SNL impression. I hope Will gets to do a lot of his material next year, since it’s almost always funny and when it’s not, you know he tried. ***3/4 Last year: ****1/4 Darrell Hammond- I know I sound like a broken record, but Darrell really should’ve left after his amazing 2002-2003 season that revitalised his career. I mean I like his Hardball and Clinton and all that, but that’s really all he does. I’d miss his impressions if he’s gone but he’s just been on the show for so long now that in a way, I’m tired of him. He had the usual Darrell year. I won’t give him a high rating since he doesn’t do much per show, but the stuff he does usually works. *** Last year: **1/4 Seth Meyers- The guy that should’ve been on Update. He also should’ve been allowed to cut loose on a commentary during the Boston Red Sox magical run in 2004 but ended up with a bit involving Tina Fey. Imagine that! Seth had another awesome year though. His John Kerry impression dominated the poltical skits and it almost made me vote for Kerry! Even during the suck part of the year, Seth was still out there giving good-great performances in shows where no one else was. To top it off, he caps the month of May with two excellent skits. Without Seth, I shudder to think how much worse SNL would’ve been. ****1/4 Last year: ***3/4 Chris Parnell- Chris Parnell is still on this show??? I mean aside from Merv the Perv and the 8000 other sleazy characters he plays, the guy doesn’t bring much to the table anymore. Parnell peaked a few years ago but he’s useless now and even if he still is talented, SNL never utilises it anyway. I think I could live without Merv the Perv. It’ll be tough, but I’ll try. ** Last year: *1/2 Amy Poehler- I know I spent seemingly every episode ripping the crap out of her during Update and all of it was deserved. Sadly, Amy’s horrible performances on Update overshadowed some good sketch comedy work. I admit I probably didn’t praise her as much as I should have, because while writing the review, I’d usually be angry about her once again screwing Update. I’ve always been an Amy fan and I didn’t like getting on her back this year, but she really was beyond terrible at the desk. Some people are not cut out for Update. Amy is one of those people. If they get her off the desk and she can concentrate on just doing skits, I think Amy will once again get back on track and get back on my side. I’ll consider the 2004-2005 Update season one bad dream. *1/2 Last year: ***1/2 Maya Rudolph- Maya’s biggest accomplishment this season was getting pregnant. At least Lorne got over his boner for her and relegates her to the back of the show where she can’t hurt anyone. ¼* Last year: ½* Horatio Sanz- Well we saw what Horatio is like without Jimmy to make him crackup amd well, he’s just as terrible and cracks up without him. Horatio adds nothing to the show and he’s part of the dead weight that keeps bringing this show down. Go do Boat Trip 2 or something. ¾* Last year: * Finesse Mitchell- Finesse didn’t have a great year as he was constantly overshadowed by Kenan. Even though I don’t really like Stahkisha, I do remember Finesse standing out in some bit roles and he’s not horrible or anything. Still, the guy is easily replaceable and I’m sure SNL could find a funnier other black guy. ** Last year: *1/4 Rob Riggle- Rob never really got the chance to do anything this year. I loved Leviticus, but Rob never got the chance to play to his strengths enough, and that’s as a screaming drill sergeant type character. I hope he gets some more opportunities next year. *1/2 Kenan Thompson- I think this was Kenan’s breakout year and he definetely has the chance to become one of the next great castmembers. He seemingly is always funny when he dresses up in drag, is great on Update and does a hilarious Bill Cosby impression. SNL would be wise to promote him to full castmember status and let him run with it next year. I could see Kenan helping to turn SNL around. ***1/2 Last year: *** This week’s review- Sports Report- Braves- They had a really bad run in San Diego and are now out of first. Their offence continues to sputter but their big problem is the bullpen. Dan Kolb is just awful as a closer and now we have Chris Resuckma. I just hope Resuckma can go back to the eliteness he had in April, or we will be kinda screwed. It’s great seeing Chipper have the year he’s having though. Mailbag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- [email protected] writes- Hi Bob, This is Ken Hayashi from Voy once again. Now that SNL’s 30th season is one episode away from being over, I was wondering if I could ask you a few quick last questions: 1. What do you think of this season overall? 2. Who do you think will be in and out of the cast for next season? 3. Which of the writers should stay and which should go? 4. Where do you see SNL 5 to 10 years from now? Well, Bob, it’s been nice talking to you all season. Have a nice summer. I’ll see you next season. Thanks for everything! Later, Ken 1. Well the average skit (not counting Lohan) was **.32 which is pretty bad if you ask me. I mean yea, it’s a thumbs in the middle but it’s the lowest avg. skit of any of the 5 years since I started reviewing SNL. 2. I would think Tina would be leaving, or at least taking hiatus. I hope she does, since she’s having a kid and all. Oh and because she sucks, her jokes have become beyond stale, and at times it seems like she’s not even trying. She’s been head writer for a while, time to let someone else do it. 3. Regarding the writers, I can’t really say since unfortunuately we don’t really know who writes what. I mean there could be writers who have written brilliant stuff that doesn’t make it past the readthrough or get cut. I do think that whomever came up with Gays in Space should be fired. 4. I don’t know. Hopefully no one from this current cast will be on the show. I just hope it’s a funny show with on-target political humour, funny and sometimes offensive skits, a good Update that’s all about biting humour and some good music. Thank you for contributing to my mailbag. Justin Kapolitz writes- Hiya Bob, I've been reading your reviews for a few years now; and as I've been reading them, I've noticed that you deliver more than just the SNL review. (In a comprehensive way, nonetheless) You give the sports, reader mail, an occasional newsworthy item or two. I guess what I'm saying is that your "Reviews" are more than just the reviews, it's a full-on report. Which brings me to a suggestion which you can consider throughout the summer. (Or maybe you can try it out in this review) Instead of headlining your reviews "Episode Review: Host/Musical Guest", try calling it The Barron Report. The people who lurk on the board have looked forward to your reviews each week as much as old people look forward to Sunday Morning Talk shows (I.e. "Meet The Press" and such) Calling your reviews "The Barron Report" will set you apart from all the other guys. It will make people think that this is the only thing worth reading after a new show airs. I know, it's just a fansite posting, but it seems as though you go through the trouble--sometimes too much trouble--to do these reviews, especially this week. Just something to consider. J.K.--- P.S. What was your #3 SNL moment, you never did a review from 5/7. I don’t call it the Barron Report or anything like that, because I still think of it as a review of the recent Saturday Night Live. The other stuff is just stuff I put to let off of steam. I never understood other people’s criticisms that I put too much before my review, because except for the premiere and finale, and the occasional long winded rant, you’re mostly getting the review. But thanks for the kind words, but in the end I’ll still label it an SNL review. PS- My #3 moment was SNL’s tribute to 9/11. You can read it here: http://www.voy.com/16069/1/10923.html And now my 100th straight review- Cold Opening Cast- Darrell Hammond, Chris Parnell, Maya Rudolph, Will Forte Thoughts- I watched some Hardballs this past week, cramming to get all my lists down and I have to say Darrell doesn’t really try at the impression anymore. I don’t really blame him anymore, it’s just noticeable. I knew they were doing a Hardball, since they did one for last year’s finale. This was the usual excellent Hardball. Maya as Condoleeza had a couple of missteps, as she just wasn’t funny as the other two. Parnell was his usual good self as a sleazeball and I liked seeing Newsweek mocked. The thing that put this over the top was of course Will’s usual amazing impression of Zell Miller. I mean really, the man can do no wrong with this impression. He puts so much energy into making it work that you can’t help but love it. I hope we see more of this next season. **** Monologue Cast- Lindsay Lohan, Amy Poehler Thoughts- I met Lindsay last night and she looked really terrible. I mean really. I am happy her voice recovered to do the show. You’re an inspiration to millions to Lindsay and we’re proud of you. Amy as Lindsay Lohan in 2007 was pretty funny and I liked some of the jokes, like her marrying Tommy Lee and making National Lampoon’s Jamaican Vacation. If Lindsay went back to summer 2004 Lindsay, I’d probably see that. This dragged a little bit and not all the jokes worked, but it was funny enough in parts to warrant a good rating. *** Woomba Cast- Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Rudolph, Poehler Thoughts- I guess Tina thought: Hey- I haven’t mentioned the female vagina enough during my tenure at SNL- maybe I should do a commercial parody about it. This was funny but went on a bit too long. Did we need to see the Woomba chase Maya Rudolph through the woods? Probably not. Tina in a towel was nice but it didn’t save the skit or anything. Still- this was a funny commercial parody. *** America’s Next Top Model Cast- Lohan, Rudolph, Poehler, Horatio Sanz, Dratch, Fey, Finesse Mitchell Thoughts- I’ve never seen this show before so some of the humour was probably lost on me. I have to say that I don’t think Tyra Banks suddenly became really hideous looking recently. I mean this was just as mean as the time Rachel did Hilary Duff and Maya did Kristin Davis. Plus Maya’s impression was guilty anyway. Amy as Amber as always been kind of a guilty pleasure but I think it’s kind of ran its course since I believe they put Amber in the exact same situation last time. Still, I laughed probably way more then I should have. Tina was funny as Janice Dickinson and Finesse was funny too. This should not have been the first skit though. **1/4 Star Wars Geeks Cast- Lohan, Parnell, Dratch, Fred Armisen, Poehler, Seth Meyers, Forte, Hammond, Rob Riggle, Mitchell, Kenan Thompson Thoughts- I actually saw Revenge of the Sith on opening day but I saw it at 2 so there weren’t any Star Wars geeks around me. So yay for that. For the second time in three weeks, Seth again helps bring us a great skit. He was excellent here and I was laughing at everything he was doing. The little side conversation between Fred and Will was also awesome. Riggle even got to be funny too! Amy going back to yell at Kenan and Finesse was some of that racial humour that I always love. Darrell’s character was really unnecessary and kind of brought it down a little bit. Everything else in this skit was excellent, and Seth continues to bring the awesome. ****1/4 TV Funhouse Thoughts- Smigel just didn’t have it this week. I mean doing 4 TV Funhouses over the last 5 shows is total overkill, and I can imagine he was pretty burnt out going into this week. And a cartoon version of Wag the Dog didn’t work. I laughed at the spoof of Hannity and Colmes, the Mike Tyson impression and Sinbad but…making fun of Jenna Eflman? The mocking of SNL came out of nowhere and didn’t make too much sense. Smigel’s got 4 months to recharge his batteries and I expect to be fully offended in September. *1/2 Appalachian Emergency Room Cast- Lohan, Meyers, Hammond, Poehler, Armisen, Rudolph, Dratch, Parnell, Mitchell, Thompson Thoughts- Remember back in the Liam Neeson episode, when everyone realised Appalachian Emergency Room had run its course and it was time to put it to bed? Not SNL apparently. The Amy/Darrell, Kenan/Maya combinations are just stale and not funny anymore. There’s only so much you can mix out of redneck hicks. Lohan was funny in this skit and in fact my only big laugh from this skit was when she said cooter. Even Parnell’s character is starting to get stale. Coldplay ‘Speed of Sound’ Thoughts- Coldplay’s a real good band, there’s just no excitement with their live performances. Chris Martin tried with the piano bit and this is a good song but they just can’t blow me away live. I do think Clocks would be good live though. It seems like with a Coldplay performance I always say the same. Great song, live performance- just a bit underwhelming. ***1/4 Weekend Update Cast- Fey, Poehler, Rudolph, Dratch, Armisen, Thompson Thoughts- Well congratulations to Tina and Amy for saving the worst for last. I hope those who said they would get better and Amy would improve will shut up. I hope those who said OMG JIMMY COMPARISONS for Seth or even freaking Sudeikis will shut up. Amy and Tina sucked this season. If you don’t see it, then you’re blind and no nothing about Weekend Update. Sorry but that’s the truth. Amy was awful tonight and Tina wasn’t so hot either. Both just had a bunch of clunkers. Half the time the only people who thought the joke were funny, were Amy and Tina. Tina had a couple of jokes to be fair but this was the same old same old. I’m still waiting for Amy to improve. She’s just not cut out for the desk. The experiment of two women was a horrible failure, almost as bad as letting women vote. Maya and Rachel were not funny either. I didn’t even laugh at the cock joke which did surprise me. Thank God for Fred and Kenan though. I have to give Fred a lot of praise since the guy seemed to have tons of great commentaries and was saving Update week after week. He was even better then Seth at the desk this season, I’ll give him that. But Vincente and Sharpton going back and forth on the racial jokes was awesome and I was laughing hysterically. Even Amy’s racist joke was funny. Thanks Fred for not making Update that horrible. I’m a bit surprised Tina didn’t announce she was leaving. I mean she’s having a kid like right before the season starts. Do the right thing Tina, your time has come, your stale as hell now. I hope we get changes to Update this offseason. I’m not too optimistic but if we can get someone like Seth or even Sudeikis to replace Tina or Amy and have Fred continue to do commentaries, this year of Update could just seem like a bad dream. I never thought I would miss Jimmy this much. Thanks Amy for that one. ** Prince Show Cast- Lohan, Armisen, Forte, Rudolph, Thompson Thoughts- I understand Fred not wanting to do Ferecito anymore and I respect that, but it’s a bit hard to take him seriously when he does the Prince Show about a hundred times. A year ago that shot of Lindsay on the harp probably would’ve resulted in me giving this skit a higher rating but now, not so much. Kenan was funny as Wanda Sykes but that’s pretty about it. Like Appalachian Emergency Room, Prince Show needs to be retired. *1/2 Mobsters Cast- Lohan, Sanz, Parnell, Forte, Armisen, Sudeikis, Riggle Thoughts- I bet whomever wrote/came up with this skit probably had the ending and thought it was funny (which it wasn’t) and the thought of the mobsters all pulling a gun when she went to knock Frank’s picture of the wall (Which was.) The problem was that this skit had no way to go from Point A to Point B to Point C and nothing was funny in between. Lindsay has a good accent but that was about it. I laughed at the Giambi and Sinatra bits but the rest of this skit was just waiting for something to happen and not getting anything. ¾* Coldplay Thiughts- I know this is going to sound repetitive but hear goes. I liked this song and thought it was really good. But at 12:50 am this isn’t as great as it could be and comes as kind of boring. I’ll give them a higher rating then they probably deserve but Coldplay needs to learn how to translate their songs to playing live so I can give them high ratings. *** Driving the Girl Home Cast- Lohan, Parnell Thoughts- Parnell hitting on Lohan would’ve been a lot more believable last year. Actually come to think of it, Parnell DID hit on Lohan last year in the monologue. I was waiting for the joke here and aside from Parnell’s rendition of Boulevard of Broken Dreams, there wasn’t much. In fact, this skit was actually really creepy. I mean there was no obvious joke (aside from Parnell’s musical knowledge), it was just some old guy hitting on a junior. Again, this skit probably sounded funny on paper and maybe could’ve been funnier with better writing but in the end it just came off as something creepy and something I didn’t want to watch. ½* Bear City Thoughts- Three years ago, SNL ended with a tribute to Will Ferrell. Last year SNL ended with a Grease skit as a tribute to Jimmy Fallon. This year SNL ends with a Bear City……that was actually good!!! I usually hate Bear City, and groaned when it came on but the bear pizza guy walking into the porno and the bear anal sex was funny. Congratulations to Bear City, may you have more funny adventures next season. ***1/4 The Bottom Line- The avg. skit was **.44 making this a thumbs in the middle show. I probably could make it a thumbs up if I really wanted to, but I don’t as this show doesn’t deserve it and this season doesn’t deserve it. The show started off good and it had a chance, especially after the Star Wars but then it descended into the same problems that have plagued SNL all season. Stale recurring characters that have no reason to be brought back, a bad Weekend Update and skits that just don’t have a chance to be funny but are done anyway. Lindsay had a lot of energy and tried hard so it wasn’t her fault. The writers and poor cast-members once again let us down. Thumbs in the Middle Well, it’s been fun reviewing 100 SNLs. I hope I made you laugh, I hope I made you think and I hope you disagreed with me at times and thought I was an idiot for liking a skit or show. These past 100 reviews have helped me grow as a writer. Look at my reviews from 2000- or don’t- and look at my reviews now. The feedback I’ve received from my readers and writing these week after week I’ve really helped me improve and I hope you’ve seen that throughout the years. I still have room for improvement and I know that next season’s reviews will be even better. Even though people I think put too much effort into them, I have a lot of fun writing them and writing this review was a lot of fun. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed these past 100 reviews as much as I enjoyed writing them. See you in September!!!!

Part 6: A look back at the standby line. SNL Year in Review: The important moments/episodes, a cliff notes version of every episode, the best skit in each show and the top and bottom 5. Standby- A while back I was scanning the old archives of Voy and I found my first ever trip report and it was quite the flashback. I always thought my standby trips and me seeing dress rehearsals added a unique perspective to the show. I got to meet the cast way too many times to count and it seems like every standby something big happened that I had to tell everyone about. I mean I mentioned that Tina Fey hugged me three times so many times to the point where I wanted to punch myself in the face. I first heard of the standby line from Sean’s reports at s-n-l.com and then through IM conversations with Louis Klein I found out how it worked. I was turning 16 soon. Screw getting a driver’s license, I wanted to see Saturday Night Live, well live and I found out you had to wait overnight on a New York sidewalk to get in. Well that went over with the parental units as well as you’d might expect so a deal was brokered for the Tom Green show. We’d show up to the line at around 4-5 am, I’d see how silly this overnight thing was and I’d get to see the dress. Yay! Well when we got there, there were 42 people ahead of us, the people in front had waited overnight and I ended up not getting in. Some would say not getting into the Tom Green show would be a blessing in disguise but I digress. So after several stops and starts, I was finally given the okay to wait overnight on a NYC sidewalk for SNL tickets. I picked the Conan O’Brien/Don Henley show because I liked Conan and thought I could possibly get in. (This was before getting in became automatic). Reading over my trip report brought back so many memories. The first time I met someone. (Jerry Minor). Eating a chicken cutlet on a wedge with bacon. Learning that Chris Parnell was the nicest guy ever. Being in a documentary about party crashing. Meeting Lorne, Conan, Jim Downey and Tina!!! I had a ton of fun but alas I didn’t get in. It only wanted to make me see SNL even more and I definitely wanted to do standby again. In April, I got tickets to a dress rehearsal thanks to some connections. I liked it and had a good time but I didn’t feel right. I felt I should earn my right to see a dress. The Lara Flynn Boyle standby was pretty unmemorable, except for the fact that Tina Fey asked for a hug from me. Wait a minute that’s pretty memorable. I proceeded to bring up this fact more times then anyone thought humanly possible. I also had Tom Brokaw touch my face (I still don’t think that was homoerotic) and Lara Flynn Boyle was a horrible bitch to me. I also didn’t get in. By this point everyone was questioning why I continued to do this but I really wanted to. September rolled around and I did everything I could to get in. I ditched school to get there early and had all these crazy superstitions. I also waited 7 hours to see Tina Fey because I had bought her a new Robbie Fulks CD. (Fulks being her favourite artist) There I sat inside NBC patiently waiting for her while having to go really bad. Finally at 4 am I gave up and went to go pee. As I crossed the street, I looked back to NBC and saw Tina getting out. There we went and talked for a few minutes, me obviously about to explode and her about to die. I did get a second hug though. The standby was memorable though because I finally got in. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried finding out this happened but then the awesomeness continued as I got to see my favourite musician, my musical God, Paul Simon perform live unannounced. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried a lot seeing that. I know a lot of people slag the Reese show (and with good reason) but I’ll always love that show for that reason. That show also established my standby superstition that I kept for 2.5 years. In the line I would wear my Leafs jersey and shorts. When I went back to the show I would wear my Braves 1995 World Series shirt, a hat with the letter ‘A’ on it, pants, bring a copy of Dirty Work and bring a copy of the Bible and read John 3:16. You laugh, but that shit worked. And yes, I wore shorts in January. Two months later was another milestone in standbyness. SNL would be airing on November 17 aka my birthday. I had wanted to see SNL on my birthday for the longest time and now was my chance. The week before no one got in so I was kind of freaked out, especially since I turned down a Nets game. Since it was my birthday I had a big cake that we all ate. I did standby with a friend. Out of nowhere, a guard came up to him and asked him to come along to see the studio. My friend, fearing rape, decided to bring me along and we got a tour of SNL which was really cool. I still don’t know what was up with that guard. I also caught Lorne in the best mood ever. We talked for a while about hockey and he personalised an autograph for me, which he never does. We have the same birthday, so me singing happy birthday to him probably helped. The best part was getting to see SNL on my birthday though. It was a great show too. The longest running gag in standby line history, the Dean Edwards joke, began there too. That show ended the suspense of getting in, as it became a regular occurrence now. I still had a ton of fun doing standby. In January Jack Black felt me up as I did standby. In March, I met so many random and cool people, including Marc Summers. In fact, the Jon Stewart show is probably my favourite standby. April was The Rock show which we wont discuss, lest this review turn into 100 pages of me cursing. The season finale rolled around and I was sad. Going to college meant I could no longer doing standby regularly so I said farewell to the cast and resigned myself that for a long time, this was it. And if I was leaving for a while, I was going to go out in style. A dog peed on my backpack, I got hugged from Tina, Amy sweated on me, I met Andy Dick, and just had so much fun. The meeting Tina thing is probably one of the flukiest things ever. I got a real bad number and was pretty sure I wasn’t going to get in. I just went back to make it a formality. Yet somehow I got in, and I almost started crying again. It was a terrific show, one of my all time favourites and I bid farewell to standby for a long time. And as I left standby for a year, who was the last guy I saw? Dean Edwards. It was too perfect. In May 2003, I was ready to make my long awaited return to standby. I was kind of nervous since I hadn’t done overnight standby in 14 months and I didn’t know whether standby would still be fun to me. I adopted a new standby philosophy. Instead of concentrating on seeing the cast and the dress, I decided to have fun in the actual line. I mean, there’s only so many times you can see the cast before it loses excitement. So for the next three weeks, me and my friend Bryan managed to piss off most of the line by staying up all night telling jokes. In our defence, we didn’t plan on having Indians do standby. In a weird standby tradition, we still got there and waited for 20 hours, even though so many people were getting in now. We no longer cared about seeing the show, the more fun we could have in line the better. December 03 continued more of the same. I got to see the cast which was cool, and the show which was nice but the highlights were getting yelled at by a midget, making up a song that I can’t talk about here, and showing porn to kids. Oh and the Dean Edwards joke still continuing, despite the lack of Dean Edwards. By May, I had grown a bit tired of waiting 20 hours to do standby and instead showed up in the afternoon-evening. I still got to see the last 3 shows, and just for the finale, I did standby for 20 hours. Even though I’m not into standby too much anymore (due to various factors, none of which involve anyone in the line or anything), I’ve grown a bit tired of standby. But it’s amazing. I did standby (not counting Tom Green) 16 times, got in 13, and each time I always had something memorable happen. When 7 or 9 rolled around, something had happened the previous night that I would remember and laugh about it forever. And that’s why I’ll always love the line. Standby the numbers: Time spent waiting in line: 11.39 days Hours of sleep I got in standby total: Oh about 1-2 hours Times I waited for it to be all for naught: 3 Money spent too and from NBC via train: $240 Crimes committed: 2-3 Times I saw Dean Edwards: about 10 Times I thought I saw Dean Edwards: 2, 948, 838, 376 Times hugged by Tina Fey: 3 Times sweated on by Amy Poehler: 1 Hosts met doing standby: 13 And with apologies to Mastercard: Getting hugged by Tina Fey three times, peeing on a street, seeing SNL on my birthday, taking a tour of NBC, getting felt up by Jack Black, meeting Marc Summers, having a dog pee on your backpack, getting sweated on by Amy Poehler, seeing Amy in a Ben and Jerry’s, Yoko Dos, meeting Native Americans, Hey Al Roker- you’re a fat fuck, talking to Jim Downey about prison rape, lasso, showing porn to kids, Robin Williams, the angry midget, meeting Lindsay Lohan, protesting to free Michael Jackson, singing the Full House theme to the Olsens, playing golf, playing more golf, meeting P Diddy twice and getting to see some of the greatest moments in SNL history live: Priceless. And that’s not even scratching the surface of my greatest standby moments. And to think something so great all began just because of my desire to wait overnight for a show I might not even get into. Thanks to Sean Bradley, Louis Klein, Jamie Klein, Stephanie Rapp, Bryan Carleo, Becca Trebin, Joel (aka kd lang), Tony, Arlene, Moy, Kelly, Alix, Sebastien, Lauren, Lauren’s mom, April, Nicole, Junie, Ron Rondon, Al Roker, Rhoda, Jimmy Stewart, the Indians, Scary #1, Bill, Jess, Brittany, Bianca, Christian Jewish Allah, Chelsea, New York and the many people I’ve forgotten who helped make standby such an awesome time. And a special thanks to the cast of Saturday Night Live for always taking the time out to talk to me, sign an autograph or take a picture. It was always a relief knowing that the people you look up to and aspire to me are legit cool people. SNL Year in Review: October 2nd, 2004: SNL’s 30th season kicks off on a middling note Ben Affleck/Nelly Many people were excited to see Ben Affleck host. He was coming off his excellent hosting appearance in March and when Ben hosts- he usually ends up mocking himself to no end and it’s funny. The season got off to a good start by showcasing Seth’s John Kerry impression and a very funny monologue but soon fell apart. Debbie Downer was brought back for no discernible reason and died a quick death and the first Fey/Poehler Update fell completely flat as a nervous Amy Poehler flubbed all of her jokes. Sadly this trend would continue throughout the season. Affleck did a good job and saved a few middling skits- but ultimately was let down by bad writing. October 23rd, 2004: The band plays the wrong song Jude Law/Ashlee Simpson I wasn’t looking forward to Ashlee Simpson as musical guest. I had listened to some of her music and found her to be a cheap second-rate Avril rip-off that just happened to have a good backup band and more importantly a TV show that was free advertising her record. I also found some comments she made about Hilary Duff to be very hypocritical and stupid. For her first song, Ashlee managed to butcher Pieces of Me worse then I ever thought possible and I was not looking forward to her second song. But what would it be? Would it be Autobiography? Would it be the song so bad that it almost makes Sk8er Boi listenable. (LaLa) It would not be either of those songs. Instead as Ashlee looked on horrified, Pieces of Me started playing. Could our Ashlee, who was ‘real’ and vowed never to lip synch be lip synching? THE HORROR! Ashlee had no idea what to do and decided to the best course of action to do when you’ve just been exposed as a complete fraud on national television was to awkwardly dance like a moron. She then ran off the stage leaving the band to pretend to play the song. The guitarist could barely hide his glee. My glee was also hard to hide. In the goodnights, Ashlee claimed her band played the wrong song. Rather then saying “Hey- my voice was screwed and I decided to cheat a little and got caught” or say SOMETHING that wasn’t obviously a boldface lie- she blamed her band that had nothing to do with this whole mess. And Ashlee lip-synching cause of her bad voice elicited little sympathy from me or anyone else. Countless artists had gritted it out on SNL- why couldn’t Ashlee do the same? The next few days saw Ashlee’s message board flooded with posts and her dad coming up with an excuse on almost daily basis. At some music awards show, Ashlee spoofed the incident but it really wasn’t funny. Acid-reflux disease became the hot disease of the moment and Ashlee’s credibility was shot to hell. To make it even worse, all of this was covered by 60 Minutes, which showed her running off the stage crying after a horrible dress rehearsal performance. In a follow-up to this, Ashlee performed live at the Orange Bowl halftime show. She was booed off the stage. She is currently touring the country. May God help us as all. October 30th, 2004: Did you know Ashlee Simpson lip-synched last week on SNL? Kate Winslet/Eminem SNL got a ton of media attention for the Ashlee Simpson incident, the most it had received in a very long time. It seemed that the attention they were hoping to get for the political debates ended up getting overshadowed by Ashlee. I mean not only it was hilarious and karmic, it also raised all these ethical questions about lip-synching and all this stuff that was really heavy and not worth getting into. So basically- SNL would’ve been stupid NOT to mention the Ashlee Simpson incident. The Ashlee Simpson incident was mentioned late in the cold opening as part of a videotaped message by Osama Bin Laden. The cold opening itself was hilarious and the ripping on Ashlee was pretty funny. I felt SNL had done a good job in referencing the incident and hoped a good episode would follow. Then came the monologue, which somehow mentioned Ashlee Simpson as a way to get host Kate Winslet to tap-dance. Kate Winslet tap-dancing really wasn’t funny and neither was Ashlee mention #2. I hoped SNL was not going to be beating a dead horse here. Of course this is SNL- they would never pass up the opportunity to beat a dead horse into the ground and they did so in Weekend Update- the place where good jokes go to die. Horatio was trotted out as Elton John for what seemed like the millionth time and of course he had to riff on the Ashlee incident as well. Horatio + Update usually = disaster and this was no exception. Horatio rambled on for a while about the Ashlee incident as viewers checked their watches and Canadian viewers wished Hockey Night in Canada was on. The show as a whole was pretty bad but what was most disheartening was the fact that SNL beat an easy joke into the ground. November 20th, 2004- U2 rocks 8H with a special surprise performance Luke Wilson/U2 Almost four years ago U2 played SNL and delivered two amazing performances of Beautiful Day and Elevation. The Elevation performance was the most memorable as Bono ran around 8H going crazy while paying tribute to John Lennon in the process. Four years later with How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb set to come out- U2 was ready to rock 8H again. I was excited and I was hoping U2 would do a classic song along with Vertigo or do two songs and a classic. I knew this would never happen but it was a nice pipe dream to have. The show itself was going pretty lacklustre when U2 took the stage and performed a rocking version of Vertigo and per their speciality- tore the house down. After a couple more blah skits U2 took the stage for song #2. The band performed an emotional version of Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own. Bono’s voice was a little off, but it was still a tremendous performance. Once again, U2 had been an incredible musical act and they helped make a middling show a potential thumbs up. At 12:55 it was time for the goodnights. I was a tad curious because that seemed a tad early. Wilson did his usual thank yous and then asked Bono “What do you think?” U2, on the other stage, starts playing the opening to I Will Follow and Bono runs to the stage. What the hell is going on? Oh my God- U2 IS playing a classic song!!!! U2 is performing their usual kick-ass version of I Will Follow but it wouldn’t be U2 on SNL without Bono going crazy. Bono starts running around the studio playing with the cameras and then sits on the lap of a woman in the audience while singing I Will Follow. Bono continues to run around going crazy and then goes to where the cast are. (This is all while the song is playing) Bono hugs Amy Poehler and embraces her as she starts to cry. A scan of the cast reveals that many of them are getting emotional and trying to hold back tears. The song finishes and Bono starts screaming about being live and they go to play one more song but the show is over and only the audience gets to see it. As a huge U2 fan and a huge SNL fan- that was one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen. Only U2 could disguise a bad show and make people think they had seen a classic. February 5th, 2005- Paris Hilton hosts. No one can figure out why Paris Hilton/Keane When Paris Hilton was announced as hosting, I expected an Andy Roddick level like disaster due to Paris’ lack of charisma, acting skills, sense of humour and talent. Plus I never found her to be remotely attractive so it’s not like I’d have something nice to look at for 90 minutes. I’ll give SNL credit- the Paris Hilton show wasn’t a total disaster and actually did have some funny moments. Seth had some good bits and they did a Merv the Perv so it wasn’t all bad. SNL also had the good sense to book a good MG for Paris in the form of Keane. Sadly this couldn’t disguise Paris’ lack of talent at anything as it came apparent they really couldn’t write much for her. While she didn’t bring down any skits, a lot of the skits seemed generic and lame so she could do them. I wasn’t too upset that it wasn’t a good show as I didn’t expect much. The next show on the other hand… February 12th, 2005- A complete and total debacle Jason Bateman/Kelly Clarkson I was very excited when I found out Jason Bateman was going to be hosting SNL. Arrested Development had become one of my favourite TV shows and Bateman’s straight man role of playing off the crazies in his families worked wonders for me. I was hoping SNL would use him to play off Forte and Fred and I figured we were guaranteed a good show. The cold opening should’ve been an omen of things to come. It was Horatio doing his usual lame Kim Jong Il impression that has never been that funny. The show continued to disappoint- a skit where a monkey threw poop at celebrities? Skits about black history month that would be laughed off Dave Chappelle’s Show? A lame skit about gays in space that was out-dated in 1995? These were skits that should’ve been written for the Paris Hilton show- not a great comedic actor like Jason Bateman. Where was a bizarre Will Forte skit? Where was Fred doing something crazy and Bateman playing off of it? There was none of that? Finally, there was a skit that allowed Bateman to play straight to bizarreness in the form of a skit that involved Bill Kurtis recording voiceovers for his crazy A&E shows. That and an excellent performance from Kelly Clarkson gave me some hope that this episode could be salvaged. All of that temporary goodwill was flushed down the toilet thanks to another horrible Horatio skit where he brought back his fat rapper from the Kate Winslet show. Again- why waste a horrible skit like that when you have Jason Bateman hosting? Seriously. This show ended up getting a thumbs in the middle from me- which was a major disappointment for me. I was hoping for a good show and I thought this show easily could’ve been the show of the year. Instead thanks to horrible writing and skits that never had a chance (GAYS IN SPACE???)- SNL ended up wasting a great host and the chance to help turn the season around and get some momentum going. February 19th, 2005- A complete and total debacle Part 2 Hilary Swank/50 Cent After the Bateman debacle, I really wasn’t having high hopes for Hilary Swank/50 Cent. I don’t remember Swank ever doing comedy and while Bateman had Kelly Clarkson to help with the average, Swank had 50 Cent, who would only bring down the average. I had no qualms about missing this show to go to a wrestling show and catching it later. The show began on an inauspicious note as SNL as Amy opened with her usual horrible cringe-worthy Jackson impression. The skit was saved by the work of others so thankfully it wasn’t a total write-off- but it was still not a good sign. The monologue and first skit were both fine and I was starting to have hopes for a decent show. A skit that was supposed to be zany and “innovative” about plates that were hot fell completely flat and then they went back to the old standby for staleness and horribleness- Debbie Downer. Update and 50 Cent couldn’t turn things around and in fact Weekend Update was the worst of the season up to that point. The Swank show seemed to have the same problem that the Bateman show- skits were DOA at the start- they never had a chance to be funny since the premises were just horrible and stupid. Even things that had potential, like Jim Downey’s commercials, were too drawn out and had their potential for awesomeness killed. After the first skit, nothing hit above ** which is absolutely pathetic. The Swank show was a miserable show and I guess in a way it was the perfect episode to wrap up the miserable month of February where the average skit was **.03. Ouch. April 9th, 2005- SNL’s streak of crap finally comes to end Cameron Diaz/Green Day After three bad episodes in February and two very disappointing episodes in March, I was thinking of giving up SNL for good. My apathy for the show had reached an all time high but I was in my chair at 11:30 on the 9th hoping to be entertained. And well, for the first time in 5 episodes, they entertained me. The first half of this show was truly awesome and probably one of the best of the season. Like she was in the previous two episodes, Cameron was a very enthusiastic (if sober this time) host and she seemed to be having a lot of fun. Even though I don’t like the Barry Gibb Show, the cameos by Justin Timberlake, Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon seemed to provide the show a boost and some much-needed energy. The show had two **** skits, including one where Parnell got to show off his awesome sleazeballness and Seth got to show off his awesomeness in an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition spoof. Smigel, who hadn’t really done anything since the DeNiro show, had a hilarious cartoon about the Michael Jackson scandal that managed to be politically incorrect AND spoof Yogi Bear cartoons. How cool is that? Jimmy returning to the Update desk was a truly awesome moment. The chemistry with Tina was still intact and it felt like he had never left. The bit with him and Tina and the kid saying “I hate Taxi” was one of the highlights of the night. The show could not sustain its momentum past Weekend Update but it was a lot of fun getting to see a good SNL again. Green Day was also a kickass musical guest with a very inspiring performance of Boulevard of Broken Dreams. This was just a fun show overall and for the first time in a while there wasn’t much to complaint about it. And that’s how I like my SNLs to be. April 16th, 2005- A football player brings back the crap Tom Brady/Beck I don’t know what SNL’s obsession with having “special” hosts because two things seem to happen: a) The episode sucks B) They do a skit where the celebrity owns a restaurant and the staff sings about it Not surprisingly, both of those applied to the Tom Brady episode. Brady was a game host and he wasn’t stiff like other people, but it’s just so hard to write for people with limited range, and it showed. A lot of the sits were recurring characters that didn’t need to be seen again, and the monologue was just Brady singing about his talents. Again, not very funny. It seemed like everyone tried hard, but it just wasn’t meant to be. The episode wasn’t a total wash. Brady tried hard and Update, thanks to a cameo from Martin Short, was again better then usual. I’m not saying Update was good but it seemed to have ended its horrific slump in February. This episode would’ve been even worse had it not been for Beck. Beck was an excellent musical guest and was pretty much the highlight of the show. It’s kind of scary how in most of the last ‘eh’ episodes, they’ve had really good music. I wonder how bad the avg. skit would be if they didn’t. May 14th, 2005- Will Ferrell brings out the best in SNL Will Ferrell/Queens of a Stone Age Will Ferrell’s return to SNL couldn’t have come any sooner. SNL was in a bad slump having had 6 out of 7 episodes not hit a thumbs up and the Knoxville episode only squeaking by because I’m really nice and love Johnny Knoxville. Ferrell’s return was greeted with much optimism and anticipation and he lived up to the hype. The first three bits set the tone for the show. There was an excellent cold opening with Ferrell seeing the cast again, a funny monologue with Ferrell peeing himself and then we had a skit SNL fans had been waiting for three long years- the return of Celebrity Jeopardy. It was great too and just like the Celebrity Jeoapardy of years past. Kenan got to showcase his excellent Bill Cosby impression and we got more of Connery v. Trebek, SNL’s greatest feud. The show settled down from there, but nothing was actively bad and everything was pretty solid, and there were still more surprises. While Queens of the Stone Age were performing their song ‘Little Sister’, Ferrell came on stage and busted out the cowbell to the audiences delight. Towards the end of the show, Robert Smigel got into the act, delivering another classic Smigel cartoon involving horrific and totally senseless violence. Shazaam indeed. The ending even gave us a nice offbeat Ferrell skit. Plus they cut the Luvahs. It was great seeing an SNL that delivered for once, and this one delivered in spades. It’s a shame he couldn’t host earlier in this season, as this could’ve really sparked a turnaround and gotten SNL back on track. SNL: The Cliff Notes! 10/2/04- Ben Affleck/Nelly/James Gandolfini/Alec Baldwin Avg. skit: **.27 The season began on kind of an iffy note. Affleck was not able to recapture the magic that he had when he hosted the previous March. Alec Baldwin and James Gandolfini provided very funny cameos and there was funny stuff here but two problems that would weigh down SNL all season (Debbie Downer, Amy’s awfulness on WU) immediately start to become noticeable. 10/9/04- Queen Latifah/Chris Kattan Avg. skit: **.87 This was much better then the season premiere. While the live show came off as kind of flat, I thought the dress rehearsal was very inspired and very funny. Update had one of its few good outings, Seth had a lot of airtime and was funny throughout and SNL was able to improve upon the previous week’s lacklustre debate skit. A couple of clunkers but overall this was one of SNL’s strongest shows of the season. 10/23/04- Jude Law/Ashlee Simpson Avg. skit: **.5 This show will mostly be remembered for Ashlee’s hoedown but it was actually a pretty good show. Jude Law was a great host and when given good material, he truly shined. The show was a bit too hit and miss for me to really like it, but Hardball and a lot of the British humour here really worked. 10/30/04- Kate Winslet/Eminem/Johnny Damon Avg. skit: **.1 SNL blew its big chance to capitalise on the Ashlee Simpson incident by running it into the ground. While a good actress, Kate Winslet was very nervous and didn’t turn in a good hosting job. Weekend Update continued to sputter and not giving quality commentary time for Seth to talk about his beloved Red Sox was becoming a major sore point with me. A pretty crappy show. 11/13/04- Liam Neeson/Modest Mouse Avg. skit **.56 This was a pretty mediocre show. Nothing really stood out but everything was solid and there was nothing actively bad. I thought the pot skit was pure genius and this show began Fred’s career for playing crazy animals. 11/20/04- Luke Wilson/U2 Avg. skit: **.67 A lot of people loved this show and thought it was the second coming of Jesus. It really wasn’t. The actual skit portion of the show was quite mediocre as SNL had its usual problems (Debbie Downer/horrible Update performances) but thankfully SNL happened to have the best band working today as the musical guest. U2’s three amazing performances saved the show and helped disguise a pretty blah show. 12/11/04 Colin Farrell/Scissor Sisters/Lindsay Lohan/Brett Hull Avg. skit: **.8 Colin Farrell obviously had a lot of fun hosting SNL and the result was a fun show that featured a really good Update for the first time in what seemed like forever. The show had a nice blend of political humour, bizarre humour and was overall a strong show from top to bottom. Not even Lindsay Lohan’s hideous orange tan could bring this show down. 12/18/04 Robert DeNiro/Destiny’s Child/The Muppets Avg. skit: ** Robert DeNiro being asked to host again was criticised by many since his hosting performance in 2002 was not very good. Given a second chance, DeNiro silenced approximately zero of his critics by turning in another miserable hosting performance. Many of the skits were very flat and uninspired. The skits that did work, worked in spite of DeNiro’s performance. Hopefully SNL finally learned its lesson regarding DeNiro. 1/15/05 Topher Grace/The Killers Avg. skit: **.5 Another mediocre show overall that was a whole bunch of hit and miss and managed to eke out a thumbs up. Update was horrible and one of the worst of the season. The show benefitted from a lot of Darrell’s impressions (Dan Rather, Hardball) but for some inexplicable reason, Hardball (and Will Forte’s tremendous Zell Miller impression) wasn’t even shown until the end of the show. The good music also helped the show barely reach a thumbs up. 1/22/05 Paul Giamatti/Ludacris/Sum 41 Avg. skit: **.7 Giamatti was a great host and this episode had two outstanding skits. Tina and Amy showed they could still be funny together in the cold opening, and Amy was awesome in another skit doing an impression of Barbara Boxer. Update sucked as always and Ludacris wasn’t that great but the show was consistently good with funny skits throughout. There also was a wacky Will Forte skit. 2/5/05 Paris Hilton/Keane Avg skit: ** Even the show did suck we should be thankful that we didn’t get an Andy Roddick type debacle. Paris was horrible, as expected, but the writers tried their best and well I laughed a couple of times. 2/12/05 Jason Bateman/Kelly Clarkson Avg. skit **.3 This was a disaster in every sense of the world. While the show was not as bad as Paris, the fact that it wasn’t an easy thumbs up show is really sad. It was an indictment of how uninspired some of the cast and a lot of the writing had become when they couldn’t get a good episode with the star of Arrested Development, the funniest show on TV, hosting. And yes, I know that was a run-on sentence. But that’s how angry this show made me. Skits that pandered to the lowest of all denominators, a gay skit that would’ve been out of place in 1985- this show had it all! 2/19/05 Hilary Swank/50 Cent/Olivia Avg. skit: *.8 This was truly a miserable show. SNL trotted out Debbie Downer again and again it died a slow and painful death. Weekend Update was its usual awfulness and it after a solid start, every skit just seemed to be trotted out there and died a slow and painful death. Swank, who gave such a beautiful performance in Million Dollar Baby, did not use any of her acting skills from that movie for this episode. 3/12/05- David Spade/Jack Johnson Avg. skit: **.38 Another disappointing show- right up there with Jason Bateman. Spade was a good host but it’s hard to make bad material funny and not even he was that good. The show started out really good and had a good musical guest but once Update it- it went downhill fast. While this wasn’t as big as a debacle as Bateman- it still was unsettling that SNL couldn’t have a good show with David Spade as host. These things should be automatic- not a thumbs in the middle. 3/18/05- Ashton Kutcher/Gwen Stefani/Demi Moore/Eve Avg. skit: **.40 Not even the usually dependable Ashton Kutcher could break SNL out of its two-month slump. Ashton was good and seemed to be having fun but had to suffer through an awful first half. A better then usual Update seemed to give SNL a mini-resurgence but it wasn’t enough. Somehow Gays in Space became a recurring character, Maya returned as Oprah and the list just went on and on. Gwen Stefani sampling Fiddler on the Roof didn’t help SNL end its (now) five episode slump. 4/9/05- Cameron Diaz/Green Day/Justin Timberlake/Drew Barrymore/Jimmy Fallon Avg. skit: **.79 SNL finally broke out of its five-episode slump with an inspired and fun show hosted by the always-reliable Cameron Diaz and which featured Jimmy’s return to Weekend Update. Because of Jimmy and Seth’s presence, Update was much better then usual and one of the best of the year. Even though the show seemed to sputter a bit after Update, the first half was really good and it was great watching SNL and getting to laugh at. This was the first show to have two **** skits in forever. 4/16/05- Tom Brady/Beck/Martin Short Avg. skit: ** There was some great music, and a very funny cameo by Martin Short, but other then that, this episode didn’t have much to it. It wasn’t the fault of Brady, who tried really hard, but the writers again dropped the ball. There was no need for Rick! Rick! Rick! to be done again and there definitely was no need to see Charlie Coffey. The rest of the show was solid, but there was nothing really that good and a lot of skits came off as too flat and uninspired. 5/7/05 Johnny Knoxville/System of a Down/Paula Abdul Avg. skit: **.5 This show had a great first half but seemed to go downhill after Weekend Update. System of a Down showing that their musical talent involves screaming into mike, and well that’s about it, certainly didn’t help matters. The Bickering Couple skit rocked, and the show had some other good skits throughout the show. Despite his affinity (or is that fetish?) for playing gay characters, Knoxville was a solid host who seemed game to show off his comedic talents. 5/14/05 Will Ferrell/Queens of the Stone Age Avg. skit: ***.14 Thank God for Will Ferrell! This show had three **** skits, one thanks to a great Ferrell cold opening and the other thanks to the return of Celebrity Jeopardy. Robert Smigel also showed that his cartoon in the Cameron Diaz show was not a fluke, with another Smigel classic. This was easily the best show of the season, which should come as no surprise, given the host. Aside from being happy that we finally got a great episode, I was also ecstatic that unlike the Jason Bateman and Ashton Kutcher shows, that SNL didn’t drop the ball. They finally got it right. 5/21/05 Lindsay Lohan/Coldplay Avg. skit: **.44 A lacklustre way to end the season. The show got off to a good start with Hardball and the Star Wars geek skit but soon just descened into mediocrity right after that. Stale recurring characters and Chris Parnell trying to be creepy funny and just being creepy are the big problems in this episode. Coldplay was a good musical guest and we got the first ever good Bear City, but it wasn’t enough to put this episode over the top. Best Skit from Each Episode- Ben Affleck: Swift Veterans for Truth Cast- Parnell, Darrell Hammond, Sanz, Armisen, Forte Thoughts- I don’t understand what the crowd’s problem with this was but I thought this was hilarious. The captions for each people (Travel Agent, Watched Platoon) were awesome and I loved the whole bit on John Kerry marrying two Viet Cong. They also got in another great dig at the flip flopping. The crowd’s apathy kind of hurt it a bit but the rest of this was very funny. They even managed to get in a Jane Fonda reference at the end! How can you not love it? **** Queen Latifah: Rodney Goes to Heaven Cast- Sanz, Darrell Hammond Thoughts- The dress crowd got uncomfortable when Darrell started doing Rodney. This is better then the live crowd which stood there silently. I loved Rodney’s one liners and Darrell captured them perfectly and I was laughing at each of his one liners. Horatio cracking up was totally justified given the context of the skit. SNL always has done a good job at doing tributes as I loved their tributes to George Harrison and Mr. Rogers. This was awesome- it’s just a shame the live crowd was once again flat. ****1/4 Jude Law: Cold Opening Cast- Darrell Hammond, Seth Meyers, Will Forte, Amy Poehler Thoughts- It’s great seeing Hardball back. I think Darrell is old and washed up and should’ve left years ago but man- they always can pull off a great Hardball. Seth was ON as Ed Gillepsie and I loved Amy as Kerry’s campaign manager and SNL as usual was hilarious when they decided to play beat the censor with the Mary Cheney gay innuendoes. I especially loved ‘carpet cleaner.’ Darrell botched his lines but instead of laughing like an idiot he made a nice save. Good on ya’ Darrell. Will’s Zell Miller kicked ass! I thought it was pretty dead on and very very funny. Especially when he brought out the pistols and challenged Matthews to a duel. Hardball is the perfect way to get a show starting off on the good foot and this was no exception. Great stuff here. ****1/2 Kate Winslet: Cold Opening Cast- Chris Parnell, Seth Meyers Thoughts- Well it was nice to Parnell get to do Brokaw one last time before he retires- I always thought it was a very good impression. And congratulations to Seth. Not only does he possibly get the next President of the United States- he gets the biggest mass murderer in American history as well. Kudos Seth- I knew that talent would pay off. While like other cold openings this went on a tad too long it did have the added bonus of JIM DOWNEY translating! A lot of the lines were great and I loved Bin Laden pointing out the problems in the Bush and Kerry campaigns. I was waiting for them to mock Ashlee and they did it with a vengeance. Good job SNL- Bin Laden’s comments on acid reflux disease was awesome. The icing on the yummy cake was Bin Laden saying he would advocate beating the crap out of Theresa Heinz Kerry. That was hilarious. Another great cold opening and kudos to Seth for getting to say LFNYISN. **** Liam Neeson: Cold Opening Cast- Will Forte, Seth Meyers, Maya Rudolph, Darrell Hammond Thoughts- Well I guess Seth’s John Kerry deserved one nice send-off and this was it. I didn’t mind Will’s Bush and thought he did a very good job with it. The interplay between Kerry and Bush was really funny. I loved the line about just marrying Theresa for her marry and Forte’s line about “Well it worked in the Parent Trap” was awesome. And Darrell brought back Al Gore. Yay for that. Darrell’s Gore still works and he had some good lines as well. SNL’s political humour continues to be a big bright spot for the show as this was really funny. So long Seth’s Kerry- it was a fun ride. ***3/4 Luke Wilson: Cold Opening Cast- Will Forte, Maya Rudolph, Darrell Hammond, Finesse Mitchell Thoughts- Last week Finesse gets the monologue. This week he gets the cold opening. Like George and Isabel Jefferson he truly is moving on up. Of course this would end up being his only appearance on the show with the exception of that Pacers thing where he had a non speaking role. This was a very clever premise and I like Forte’s George W. Rumsfeld being the snivelling dick out to get Powell was awesome and I actually didn’t mind Maya’s Condaleeza Rice. Finesse’s Colin Powell was nothing special but everyone had a lot of really good lines especially Rice pointing out how she agrees with the entire admission and Bush’s reasons for getting rid of Powell were really funny. The ending exchange between Bush and Powell (You’re fired. Mr. President I already resigned) was great as well. Very funny cold opening. **** Colin Farrell: Ferecito Cast- Farrell, Armisen, Sanz Thoughts- Talk about your dilemmas. Do I flip over to MadTV and catch Avril do an awesome acoustic performance of ‘Nobody’s Home’ or do I stay with SNL? Well SNL decided to put on Ferecito and since I love Ferecito- SNL won. Ferecito is one of my favourite characters just because it is awesomely bad in every way, shape and form and I mean that in the nicest way possible. The bits with Manuel were great as always and if you don’t like it when he goes: I’M JUST KEEEEEEEEEDING then you have no soul. Farrell was hilarious as Bono. He got a lot of ticks down and he had the voice. I wonder where SNL found those Bono glasses since one time me and a friend walked around looking for them and…nothing. The duet of Vertigo was just awesome in its crapness. That’s what Ferecito is: A celebration of crap. I like that Fred stretches out the Ferecito’s appearances so the character never gets burned out. With that I can’t wait for him again since this was so awesome. **** And now for all the Ferecito fans I present a translation en espanol- Hable de sus dilemas. ¿Muevo de un tirón encima a MadTV y el retén Avril hace un funcionamiento acústico impresionante del ` nadie hogar ' o permanezco con SNL? SNL bien decidido para poner encendido Ferecito y puesto que amo Ferecito- SNL ganado. Ferecito es uno de mis caracteres del favorito apenas porque es awesomely malo de cada manera, forma y la forma y yo significamos que de la manera más agradable posible. Los pedacitos con Manuel eran grandes como siempre y si usted no tiene gusto de él cuando él va: Soy KEEEEEEEEEDING JUSTO entonces que usted no tiene ninguna alma. Farrell era hilarante como Bono. Él consiguió muchos de señales abajo y él tenía la voz. Me pregunto donde SNL encontró esos cristales de Bono desde uno para medir el tiempo de mí y un amigo caminó alrededor de buscarlos y... nada. El duet del vértigo era apenas impresionante en su crapness. Eso es cuáles es Ferecito: Una celebración del crap. Tengo gusto que Fred estira fuera de los aspectos del Ferecito así que el carácter nunca consigue quema. Con ése no puedo esperarlo otra vez puesto que esto era tan impresionante. **** For DeNiro- we have a tie between a Seth skit and TV Funhouse. Seth beats out TV Funhouse so Pranksters wins the tiebreaker: Robert DeNiro: Pranksters Cast- DeNiro, Meyers, Sanz, Kenan Thompson Thoughts- Wow. Who dragged this one out of the mothballs? I LOVED the original Pranksters and it was one of those skits that made me think: Wow- Seth Meyers really is the coolest man ever. I don’t really know why they decided to do another Pranksters, especially since this one had the exact same premise but I shouldn’t complain too much since this was really funny. From DeNiro chainsawing him with the blood squirting up to him saying he would prank Seth for a month- how can you not love that? I also loved the side conversations between Seth and Ted (‘Because it’s inappropriate!’) and the interplay between DeNiro and Seth was cute. DeNiro is no Walken. Okay, comparing DeNiro as a host and comparing Walken as a host is like comparing Eli Manning to Peyton Manning, but the point still stands. Walken being Walken is part of what made Pranksters such a classic and without him there was definitely something missing. It still was very good though. ***1/2 Topher Grace: Cold Opening Cast- Maya Rudolph, Will Forte, Darrell Hammond, Fred Armisen, Seth Meyers, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Finesse Mitchell Thoughts- So was Dana Carvey washing his hair or something? I mean I’m happy Fred got the chance to do another impression, I’m just surprised they let someone else do it. As usual it was a welcoming sight to see Darrell bring back Bill Clinton and I loved the interplay between W. and Clinton and Clinton making all of W.’s talking points make sense. I wish they had let H.W. get a word in just so we could see how good it was. I also like Forte’s W. since I think he gets a lot of W’s ticks down and he does a good job of showing some of the things that bother me about W. The only thing that didn’t work was Clinton’s undressing of the female reporter. Other then that this was awesome as Darrell’s Clinton can seemingly do no wrong. **** Paul Giamatti: Senate Hearings Cast- Giamatii, Maya Rudolph, Seth Meyers, Poehler, Riggle Thoughts- I knew we were in for a good start when I immediately laughed at Giamtti’s Senator Luger getup. And then we get Seth returning as John Kerry! Seth’s Kerry once again rocked and it was great to see it again. From the subtle flip flopping to his constant lack of questioning, it was good to see the master impression back. The crowd seemed to really enjoy Amy’s Barbara Boxer so I guess liberals enjoy going out in the snow. Amy gave another very funny performance and I really enjoyed the rapid fire exchanges between Amy and Maya. A couple screwups at the end meant it won’t be perfect but this was easily one of the best skits of the year and I’d like to see them try to find ways to use Kerry and Boxer again. ****1/2 Next up we have a tie between a commercial and Merv the Perv. Well Merv the Perv>life itself- so Merv wins: Paris Hilton: Merv the Perv Cast- Hilton, Parnell, Rudolph, Meyers, Dratch, Poehler Thoughts- Whoa! MERV THE PERV!~ RETURNS!~ I don’t know why I love this guy but I really do. Plus we get a Merv the Perv FLASHBACK!~ These skits are just so stupid and Parnell has so many dumb double entendres that I can’t help but laugh at everything that comes out of his mouth. Given that the skit took place in 1985, I wonder why Merv was still into Jennifer Beals since Flashdance came out in 1983. You would think he would’ve found a new chick by then. This had the usual funny lines from Merv and thankfully Paris didn’t ruin it. Best skit of the night. ***1/2 Jason Bateman: Bill Curtis Cast- Bateman, Hammond, Rudolph Thoughts- Finally! It took until around 12:30 but we FINALLY got the standout skit that I was waiting for. I figured with Bateman hosting we’d get the good stuff all show but apparently God and/or the SNL writers were just teasing me. This was really funny and although it took me a few moments to get into the skit- once they had me hooked and I got the joke I laughed the whole way through. Bateman and Hammond were both great here and I thought Darrell did a good impression. The feces to chocolate part and just the whole thing was really funny. I also liked that SNL paid tribute to the man who makes a boring Saturday afternoon entertaining with those addictive A&E shows. This rocked- and not to take anything away from this skit- but there should’ve been a lot more great skits like this one tonight. **** Hilary Swank: Botox Show Cast- Swank, Rudolph, Dratch, Poehler Thoughts- Holy fake hooters on Hilary! Apparently, spell check does not recognise the word ‘hooters’. I have a feeling Tina write this and I will give her some credit and say she did a good job. Not enough to make me consider ending the Tina Embargo or anything but she still can make me laugh when she wants to. Not even Maya was that bad or anything and she may have made me laugh. The stuff with Rachel was hilarious and my favourite part of the skit. Good choice for the first skit. I didn’t really think I was gonna like it, but this really grew on me. ***1/2 David Spade: Jail Cast- Spade, Dratch, Thompson, Rob Riggle Thoughts- I have to give congratulations to Rob Riggle for having his first true standout role skit- and as an added bonus- it happened to be funny too! I thought Spade and Riggle had good chemistry here and Spade was on here as Spider. The bits where he wanted Riggle to prison rape him were really funny and I liked Riggle’s constant reminders that they were the only ones in the cell and that it was a holding cell. For a show that’s had horrible writing recently- this skit was pretty well written. I thought it went on a bit too long and dragged a few times but this was a surprisingly good skit. ***1/2 Ashton Kutcher: Cold Opening Cast- Darrell Hammond, Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, Will Forte, Rob Riggle, Kenan Thompson Thoughts- If anything can help get this show out of a slump- it’s Hardball. Interesting that instead of attacking the usual assortment of political figures- they went after baseball players. Horatio’s Jose Canseco was horrible and not a good way to start this off. I really enjoyed the other two impressions though. Riggle did a fine job as McGwire and I thought the mocking of Sosa was right-on and funny as well. It just seemed like everytime they jumped back to Canseco the skit kind of died. It had a very nice recovery by having Will bust out the Zell Miller. I’m glad it wasn’t wasted like it was in the Topher episode- his racist rant at the end was great. This was the usual great Hardball with a bit too many dead spots to truly make it a classic. ***3/4 Cameron Diaz: TV Funhouse Thoughts- Smigel goes away for a while and a few of his recent cartoons hadn’t been too good so you had to think, is Smigel losing his touch? But just when you thought he lost the ability to offend he comes back in a big way tonight! I remember they did a similar skit like this with Michael Jackson in November 2000 and they couldn’t show the rerun because of a lawsuit threat. This whole skit was so tasteless and just had so many cringe worthy yet hilarious moments like the Webster BP joke, tons of vomiting, Michael loading up the Jesus juice and of course the real Emmanuel Lewis being attracted to Michael Jackson. The best part was of course the spoof of Yogi Bear with Jackson doing the same reaction that Yogi used to do when he had a picinic basket. I hope they don’t get threatened again but this was very funny and it was great to see Smigel back. ****1/4 Tom Brady: Throwing the Pigskin Cast- Brady, Maya Rudolph, Dratch, Meyers, Armisen, Poehler, Forte, Riggle Thoughts- I admit that ‘Football player can’t throw football’ is a really lame premise for a skit so I was prepared to not like this. Coupled with the fact that it was painfully obvious Brady was intentionally screwing up his throws and I was prepared to REALLY not like this. But I’ll be damned if this didn’t turn into a nice a little skit. Will Forte was hilarious as the carnival guy, speaking in the monotone voice of his. I also loved Seth and Fred’s ridiculously over the top gay characters, that was great. I was also happy that in the end Tom Brady’s character was finally able to hit something and win a prize. This was much better then I expected it to be and a good way to start the show. ***1/2 Johnny Knoxville: Bickering Couple Cast- Knoxville, Rudolph, Parnell, Meyers, Poehler Thoughts- Seth and Amy in a skit together? Yay!!!!!!!!!! According to MS Word, “yay” is not a word. I call bull on that one. Seth and Amy playing a couple in a skit together always seems to work because they have really good chemistry and play off each other so well. It really is fun watching them work together. There were tons of great one-liners from Seth and Amy going back and forth at each other and even Parnell got in on the act. (How was your vacation? Why did you ask them that?) The ending with them going and having sex with Parnell wanting to watch, was also really funny. The timing was a bit off between Seth and Amy at times for me to truly declare this a classic, but this was still easily one of the best skits of the year and another great skit in the long line of Seth and Amy skits. ****1/4 Will Ferrell- Celebrity Jeopardy Cast- Ferrell, Darrell Hammond, Poehler, Kenan Thompson Thoughts- I don’t know if Amy doing Sharon Osbourne would’ve been my pick for the other impression but she did a good job. Kenan as Bill Cosby and Darrell as Sean Connery being in the same skit is pretty awesome though. I was glad to get to see Kenan truly shine in a very high profile skit. He did Bill Cosby in his first show and it’s my favourite thing he’s done, and he held his own tonight. I was also glad someone remembered the Potent Potables, because I would’ve labelled the skit a DUD and moved on. Ferrell was excellent as the straight man as always and I love the Trebek-Connery relationship they’ve established. Lots of great lines here, especially from Cosby (Jello Pudding!) and Connery (Jap anus relations) and we got in a good poop joke at the end. Easily the best skit of the year and it was great seeing an old favourite return. ****3/4 Lindsay Lohan: Star Wars Geeks Cast- Lohan, Parnell, Dratch, Fred Armisen, Poehler, Seth Meyers, Forte, Hammond, Rob Riggle, Mitchell, Kenan Thompson Thoughts- I actually saw Revenge of the Sith on opening day but I saw it at 2 so there weren’t any Star Wars geeks around me. So yay for that. For the second time in three weeks, Seth again helps bring us a great skit. He was excellent here and I was laughing at everything he was doing. The little side conversation between Fred and Will was also awesome. Riggle even got to be funny too! Amy going back to yell at Kenan and Finesse was some of that racial humour that I always love. Darrell’s character was really unnecessary and kind of brought it down a little bit. Everything else in this skit was excellent, and Seth continues to bring the awesome. ****1/4 Top Ten Skits of the Year (Not counting musical guests or Weekend Update) 1. Celebrity Jeopardy from Will Ferrell (featuring Ferrell, Thompson, Poehler, Hammond) ****3/4 2. Hardball from Jude Law (featuring Hammond, Meyers, Forte, Poehler) ****1/2 3. TV Funhouse from Will Ferrell ****1/2 4. Ferrell returns to SNL from Will Ferrell (featuring Ferrell, Fey, Parnell, Poehler, Mitchell, Thompson, Michaels) ****1/2 5. Senate Hearings from Paul Giamatti (featuring Giamatii, Rudolph, Meyers, Poehler, Riggle) ****1/2 6. TV Funhouse- Michael Jackson from Cameron Diaz ****1/4 7. Star Wars Geeks from Lindsay Lohan (featuring Lohan, Parnell, Dratch, Meyers, Forte, Hammond, Poehler, Thompson, Mitchell) 8. Bickering Couple from Johnny Knoxville (Knoxville, Rudolph, Dratch, Meyers, Parnell, Poehler) ****1/4 9. Rodney Goes to Heaven from Queen Latifah (featuring Sanz, Hammond) ****1/4 10. Hardball from Lindsay Lohan (featuring Hammond, Parnell, Rudolph, Forte) **** By cast: Armisen: 0 Dratch: 1 Fey: 1 Forte: 2 Hammond: 4 Meyers: 3 Parnell:2 Poehler: 4 Rudolph: 3 Sanz: 2 Mitchell: 1 Riggle: 1 Thompson: 2 And now…..THE TOP 5!!!! Top 5 Weekend Updates: 1. Colin Farrell ***1/2 2. Cameron Diaz ***1/2 3. Queen Latifah ***1/4 4. Kate Winslet ***1/4 5. Ben Affleck *** The Top 5 Musical Guest Performances: 1. U2 ‘I Will Follow’ 2. U2 ‘Vertigo’ 3. U2 ‘Sometimes You Can’t Make it On Your Own’ 4. Green Day ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’ 5. Beck ‘El-Pro’ Top 5 Monologues 1. Will Ferrell ****3/4 2. Ben Affleck ***1/2 3. Colin Farrell ***1/2 4. Topher Grace ***1/2 5. Liam Neeson ***1/4 Top 5 Cold Openings- 1. Hardball from Jude Law ****1/2 2. Ferrell returns to SNL from Will Ferrell ****1/2 3. Hardball from Lindsay Lohan **** 4. Bush Twins from Paul Giamatti **** 5. The Apprentice from Luke Wilson **** Top 5 Last Skits 1. Drug Sniffing Dog from Liam Neeson ***1/2 2. Bear City from Lindsay Lohan ***1/4 3. Zing v. Snap from Queen Latifah *** 4. Merv the Perv from Colin Farrell *** 5. Football Quarterbacks meet Tom from Tom Brady *** Top 5 Weekend Update Commentaries- 1. James Gandolfini as Jersey resident 2. Fred as the deaf comic 3. Kenan as Help Them Henry 4. Fred and Kenan as Vincente Fox and Al Sharpton 5. Charles and Camilla talk about their marriage Ranking the shows- 1. Will Ferrell/Queens of the Stone Age ***.14 2. Queen Latifah **.87 3. Cameron Diaz/Green Day **.79 4. Colin Farrell/Scissor Sisters **.73 5. Paul Giamatti/Ludacris feat. Sum 41 **.7 6. Luke Wilson/U2 **.67 7. Liam Neeson/Modest Mouse **.56 8. Topher Grace/The Killers **.5 9. Johnny Knoxville/System of a Down **.5 10. Jude Law/Ashlee Simpson **.5 11. Lindsay Lohan/Coldplay **.44 12. Ashton Kutcher/Gwen Stefani **.40 13. David Spade/Jack Johnson **.38 14. Jason Bateman/Kelly Clarkson **.3 15. Ben Affleck/Nelly **.27 16. Kate Winslet/Eminem **.1 17. Tom Brady/Beck ** 18. Robert DeNiro/Destiny’s Child ** 19. Paris Hilton/Keane ** 20. Hilary Swank/50 Cent *.8 And now it’s time for…..the bottom 5!!! Bottom 5 Weekend Updates- 5. David Spade **1/4 4. Jude Law **1/4 3. Topher Grace ** 2. Lindsay Lohan ** 1. Hilary Swank ** Bottom 5 Musical Guest Performances- 5. Nelly w/Jahkim ‘Push Me’ *1/2 4. Gwen Stefani w/Eve ‘Rich Girl *1/4 3. Destiny’s Child ‘Cater 2 U’ * 2. Ashlee Simpson ‘Pieces of Me’ * 1. 50 Cent ‘Candy Store’ ½* Bottom 5 Monologues- 5. Luke Wilson *1/2 4. Paul Giamatti ¾* 3. Kate Winslet ½* 2. Tom Brady DUD 1. Robert DeNiro DUD Bottom 5 Cold Openings- 5. Presidential Debate from Ben Affleck *** 4. American Idol from Paris Hilton *** 3. NBC Special Report from Jason Bateman **1/4 2. Michael Jackson from Hilary Swank **1/4 1. Pentagon Press Briefing from Robert DeNiro **1/4 Bottom 5 Last Skits- 5. Business Trip from Luke Wilson * 4. Decision 2004 from Kate Winslet ½* 3. Bear City from Paris Hilton DUD 2. Bear City from Jude Law DUD 1. Bushes at Camp David from Ben Affleck DUD Bottom 5 Weekend Update commentaries- 5. Darrell as Ahnuld (Giamatti) 4. Darrell as Ahnuld (Wilson) 3. Tiny people from Elliot Gould’s moustache (Hilton) 2. Horatio as Spanish guy talking about taxes (Spade) 1. Horatio as Babe Ruth