Ace309

SWF LOCKDOWN! ON WEDNESDAY, 19TH OF JANUARY 2005! LIVE FROM THE DUNKIN’ DONUTS CENTER IN RHODE ISLAND! (5:00pm PDT, 8:00pm EDT; check local listings) Send marked matches, promos, etc. to Ace309. Hello, one and all! Welcome to the SWF Lockdown card. On this show, Stryke finds his way back into the squared circle against “The Sly One” Austin Sly, while Spike Jenkins gets put through the ringer in a triple threat match against wild men Johnny Dangerous and Alan Clark! And a battle of the Priests of Hardcore in a SWF stipulation first, the Rumble In The Pit match! But the real story of this show is the main event, a title for title classic straight singles match up between two of the SWF’s premiere talents, Landon Maddix and Sean Davis! Alright, guys, let’s get cracking – I don’t wanna see any no shows. If you haven’t got a match, spend some time on a promo, alright? Cheers and good luck. Opening Promo: Sacred. CURTAIN JERKING WITH AGENT 27 AND THE ICONIC ONE! Munich vs “The Icon” Max King Max King hasn’t been having the best of runs in the tag division lately, so I think it’s time to give him some “alone time” in the singles world. But unfortunately singles life ain’t a walk in the park and his opponent, that tough nut cigarette smoking man with a ‘tude, isn’t going to make it easy. This should be a cracker of a curtain jerker with both men looking to get back on track with a W. Rules: Straight up singles, one pinfall/tap-out will determine the victor. Disqualifications and countouts apply. Word Limit: 3500 Marker: Justice HARDCORE MATCH! Carnage vs Danny Dagda Carnage is in looooooovvvveee! Awww! But goddamn I am sick of this monster’s pining and puppy dog eyes. This one needs to find the carnage within, so hopefully he will against the impressive and hardy Danny Dagda in a brawl of epic proportions. Two wrestlers of the hardcore persuasion will wrestle in a match up of hardcore persuasion... fucking poetry, isn’t it? Rules: Hardcore rules apply, which is to say there are no rules. Word Limit: 4000 Marker: Crowe SLY DEALINGS WITH STRYKE! Stryke vs Austin Sly Stryke wants a match? He’s got one. However, on the other side of the ring is Austin Sly, recently returned to the squared circle and looking better than ever with an improved physique and newly found trenchcoat styling. I’m sure Austin will be determined to kick some ass and Stryke will obviously be willing to kick some back. Let’s see a good fight, guys. Rules: Straight up singles, one pinfall/tap-out will determine the victor. Disqualifications and countouts apply. Word Limit: 4000 Marker: 5_moves_of_doom TRIPLE THREAT DAY OF DEFEAT MATCH! Hollywood Spike Jenkins vs Johnny Dangerous vs Alan Clark Hollywood Spike Jenkins’ world needs to be turned upside for a little while. Why, you ask? ‘Cause he’s a douche bag, why else? Heh, I’m just kidding, Spike. Regardless, this will simply be a great match up and with the minor stipulation allowing expanded creativity and match options... I expect all three of you to show. If not, expect punishment match. And to the winner... the spoils! Rules: You must “defeat” both your opponents to gain victory. Standard rules apply so a “defeat” can be achieved via pinfall, submission, countout or disqualification. “Defeats” do not result in eliminations. Word Limit: 6000 Marker: chirs3 RUMBLE IN THE PIT! "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez vs Dace Night Tom Flesher seems to think that wrestling nowadays is all trashy garbage wrestling. Well, I'm here to prove to Tom that wrestling can be hardcore but still maintain its class and quality. So, the Hardcore champion and Dace Night will enter into a barred steel cage and rumble until one of them is on the canvas unconscious. Dace gets a chance to re-establish himself as king of the hardcore mountain, while Cortez gets the opportunity to place himself firmly in the driver's seat of the hardcore division. Brutal? Yes. Entertaining? Oh hell yeah. It's gonna rock. Rules: Participants are trapped inside a barred steel cage (none of that mesh shit on this show). There are no holds barred and to gain victory, one must beat their opponent into a knockout submission (unconsciousness). One weapon may be brought into the pit if desired. Word Limit: 5500 Marker: Ace309 AND NOW... THE MAIN EVENT! INTERCONTINENTAL TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP! UNITED STATES/JUNIOR LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP! TITLE FOR TITLE! Landon Maddix © (ICTV Champ) vs Sean Davis © (USJL Champ) Sean Davis earned the right to a World title shot after Slay Ride, when he was co-ranked #1 in the fed, with (who else?) Landon Maddix. However, Davis, businessman he is, decided to forego his World title shot, leaving Toxxic to mop up that mess. He instead decided to go after Landon's ICTV title, but wait! Maddix was also ranked #1, and he too has claim to a title shot! How do we solve this? Well, it's simple... two men, one match, for two titles. Coming off a hard loss to Sacred on the last show, I bet Landon Maddix is determined to keep this gold that seems all the more shinier today than yesterday – Davis is gonna have pull out all the stops to win this one. Rules: Straight-up singles, one pinfall/tap-out will determine the victor. Disqualifications and countouts apply. Word Limit: 6000 Marker: Chuck Woolery

“Ladies and gentlemen,” says Funyon, “please rise for our national anthem, sung live via satellite by two of Rhode Island’s favorite sons.” The SmarkTron fires up, with Stewie Griffin and his talking dog, Brian, on the screen. (Both) We're off on the road to Rhode Island We're having the time of our lives. (Stewie) Take it dog... (Brian) We're quite a pair of partners, Just Like Thelma and Louise. 'cept you're not six feet tall (Stewie) Yes, and your breasts don't reach your knees. (Brian) Give it time. (Both) We're off on the road to Rhode Island, We're certainly going in style. (Brian) You're with an intellectual, who craps inside his pants. (Stewie) How dare you. At least I don't leave urine stains on all the household plants. (Brian) Oh, pee jokes. (Both) We've traveled a bit and we've found, Like a masochist in Newport we're Rhode Island bound. ((Brian) Crazy travel conditions, huh? (Stewie) First class or no class (Brian) Whoa, careful with that joke, it's an antique (Both) We're off on the road to Rhode Island We're not going to stop till we're there (Brian) Maybe for a beer. (Brian) Whatever dangers we may face, we'll never fear or cry (Stewie) That's right, until we're syndicated Fox will never let us die, please! (Both) We're off on the road to Rhode Island, The home of that old campus swing. (Brian) We may pick up some college girls, and picnic on the grass. (Stewie) We'd tell you more, but we'd have the censors on our ass. (Brian) Yikes! (Both) We certainly do get around. Like a bunch of renegade pilgrims Who are thrown out of Plymouth colony. We're Rhode Island bound. Or like a group of college freshmen who were rejected by Harvard and forced to go to Brown! We're Rhode Island Bound.. (fade out) The crowd applauds heartily as the show fades in.

Dagda, Carnage, go ahead and send me your matches.

Yeah, if anyone wants to read Sacred's match I wouldn't object to that. He did a fabulous job writing a very solid match that was based quite well on the two characters, and the match stands alone very well, so it's not going to be a case of "I don't get the psychology." The plot developed very well from his opening sequence, where the wrestlers weren't taking advantage of the street fight stipulation, to Sacred finally hitting his breaking point. I felt he handled it quite adeptly, as well as the external Revolution Zero angle.

A. Learn to take a joke, you putz. B. Grow up, you putz. C. Quit baiting people, you putz. D. Continue acting like an adult.

You bastard.

Oh, for fuck's sake, quit it with the posturing. You're acting like a couple of kids.

The Casino Brawl has been edited in. Possible comments to come.

Carnage, Clark, PM me your matches. I'm taking this one over.

Just because I have a compulsion to pretend I'm the Voice of Reason, I'd just like to say that the simplest solution is for the markers to just hold off drinking till they've gotten their work done. In practice, I realize the problems with this, and that drinking isn't the only reason shows go up late. Okay, I'll leave now.

IL, quit being a jerk.

fyi, I did ask Crowe if he had the matches around and would have been more than happy to mark them. Unfortunately, Mike, in his inebriated state... left. I know that I've been an offender in terms of putting shows up late, which I apologize for, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe having a show on Friday night might be A Bad Thing.

Just throwing some stuff out before people get over. If I miss anything, I'll cover it later on. The rope-break development in the early match was sound and internally coherent, but it was a plot thread that A) Didn't go anywhere [it felt like you were telegraphing a finish that involved Sacred fighting for a rope break that Landon would ignore, which would have raised problems with...] B) Seemed to undermine Sacred's vet status, especially in this match. It didn't seem to fit the Sacred character at all... I mean, he may be crazy, but he's not foolish. I felt like the resolution of it was just there, and so you ate up some words and made Sacred look stupid without any payoff. Granted, Sacred had a rope break halfway through his match, and it was clearly a mistake (since he pointed it out during the opening of the match), but there's a difference between a one-off and something that felt central to the way the match developed. Subtract the rope break subplot and, yeah, it was perfectly acceptable wrestling, but Sacred has a gift for writing a match that just makes sense and is really hard to pick apart. There were a few spots in your match where the selling was, if not inconsistent, inappropriate. I'm not talking about the long-term selling of eg Landon's arm, which was well-built, but sometimes there'd be a big spot and the guys would both just be back up. Not a bad match by any means, which is unfortunate, because it made me fairly miserable last night.

I also may be out of it.

It's times like these I wish I was drunk.

Well, Munich... Thoth is unfortunately unavailable for a while, and on such short notice, it's hard to find someone to do work on what's a Friday night in the States. Plus, Crowe's got a good head on his shoulder. The opening promo is just a translation from the current style of WWE's shows, is all.

If something like that does indeed happen, please be advised: I will not be involved in ANY angles involving control, a commissioner slot, or anything else that will suck. And that, my friends, is a damn prom- Oh, shit, Stevens is gonna sue me.

Back in your cage with you!

By request. Keep that in mind.

Because no one's commented on Carnage's match... ~ Your King is a little weird, but that’s part of the breaking-in period for new commentators. The easiest way to write King is to imagine that one little loudmouthed bastard from high school who was on student council and thought it somehow made him better than anyone else he ran into. Granted, it’s not a direct translation, but it’s going to work a lot better than the jovial Lawler-esque style you seem to be employing. I doubt this factored into why you lost the match, but if you want to improve your commentary is going to be important. As a side note, Pete’s a little weird, too, but he is for everyone. It’s probably easiest just to keep him as a straight play-by-play man until I can get him to come around and give us a tutorial. ~ Remember Tom Swift? “That lady’s got a nice ass,” Tom said cheekily. “I can’t believe I’m a licensed plumber,” Tom said with a flush. This is the sort of thing you want to avoid. Your dialog attribution is colorful, granted, but it’s distracting and sometimes comes off as cheesy. This is a case where you want to show and not tell. Using attributions like “King snips” should really be reserved for situations where you can’t carry over the commentators’ tone from the dialog. Syllogistically, they should be rare if you’re writing good commentary. ~ The actual wrestling was solid. It’s not a five-star match, but neither is 98% of what we put out. It was, however, a little thin. The match could have used a little more action in the same vein… another sequence where Cortez went on offense, for example, and one where Carnage took control of the match by using some more dynamic moves. Not necessarily suplexes per se, because suplexes are the last refuge of the damned in the SWF (“Hey, look, a bland spot! I’ll throw 75 supes in there!”), but something that moves away from what might have come across as a bland offensive match for Carnage. You use a lot of submissions, and I recognize that I requested a pure wrestling match. It could, however, have used stuff like a brainbuster or a pumphandle slam to spice it up just a little. Failing that, Cortez is a perfect guy to use as Shawn Michaels in a match like this – he throws a lot of exciting offense and bumps his ass off, whereas Carnage plays Sid. It’s a perfectly respectable match style if it’s spread out properly. I’m assuming from the length of your match that you were time-pressed, so don’t worry too much - ~ Lots of the little stuff in this match was distracting. Again, I’m sure this wouldn’t have cost you the match, but things like capitalizing move names inconsistently (either do it all the time or, even better, only capitalize gimmick-named moves), doing a spell check and not having Carnage’s escorts appear out of thin air at the finish after questioning where they were in the opening go a long way toward readability.

Sitting in for Tom Flesher in today’s edition of the Smarkdown Workrate Report will be Tom Fleshmussen of the Burning Hammer Tape … Review (*sigh*). As always, star ratings are based on the quality of the match, the direction and speed of the wind currently blowing on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan, and how hungry Mr. Fleshmussen is at any given moment. As such they should be afforded no credence whatsoever. Opening Promo ~ Way to fake out the audience, Taamo! No one expected you to use a completely nonsensical soundbite to intro “Kashmir,” and you confused everyone. Are you going to start using “The Soft Parade” as your theme now? “The Monk… bought… lunch! Yeah, he bought a little.” So Flesher rambles on a while about wrestling and why he’s inexplicably in charge of a single show now. Remind me again who hired him? Um…. Okay, that’s not important. I like this whole “pure wrestling Smarkdown” thing, though. Although am I biased? Just a LITTLE~! Pretty good card he set up, although some of the matches (Sacred vs. Clark – why book Clark in a pure wrestling match?) seemed a little thrown-together. Why can’t the SWF sign some new talent, or at least make Marcus Washington get in the ring? Dace Night Promo ~ Dace has… visa problems? Interesting, and a nice, solid way to explain his ins and outs as well as the fact that he’ll be out of the picture soon enough. On the other hand, he’ll be out of the picture soon enough. BOO! Carnage vs. Todd Cortez ~ Cute start on this one, with Cortez getting down in the referee’s position. Not a bad little match, especially considering the time constraints. Cortez taking the victory by submission was a nice little choice, and as much as you’d think it would make the big lug look weak, it didn’t. Cortez impressed me tonight, what with his athletic ability (skinning the cat, wriggling out of the piledriver attempt) and showing off some of his wrestling skill. Carnage, meanwhile, didn’t need to be carried. He went out, did his thing and held his own. Nice job from these two workers. ** ½ Revolution Zero Promo ~ Did the job. Sacred: He’s EVIL~! Pure Wrestling: Sacred vs. Alan Clark ~ Oh, this stip is SO stolen from Ring of Honor. Pardon me while I gag. Okay, that’s better. I did expect better from Clark and Sacred, especially considering the Dusty Finish that ended with… the heel getting a win taken away from him, and then him going on to win anyway. That was weird. I was, however, happy to see that the stip didn’t rule the match, but the other way around. The wrestlers worked around it, in one of the few specialty matches that they’re able to. Solid wrestling, reasonable booking, ***. Non-Title Match: “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins vs. Kaine ~ Non-title because Kaine lost to Spike at Slay Ride. Methinks Taamo may have overused non-title tonight. It’s almost as if one of the non-title matches was hastily booked after the card had been finalized because one of the competitors had asked for work. But I digress. Dude, that ref has bosoms. Anyways, pretty quick match from these two, cementing what a lot of us have known for a long time: Spike Jenkins is poised to move up the card. God willing, these fools will quit holding him back and let him go after some higher gold. He’s almost turning the CW belt into a waistpiece like Tom Flesher’s. Too short for more than *, and could have been higher – but the finish was appropriate. Mak Francis/Toxxic Promo ~ Toxxic/Mak: Like Toxxic/Flesher, only blacker! USJL Title: Sean Davis vs. Manson ~ Joined in progress, or JIP. Say that out loud, folks. One big move from Davis finishes the match, and it’s unrateable. I’m starting to wonder if maybe Davis can’t keep up the pace. Austin Sly Promo ~ Go Sly Guy! Good to see this goombah back, even if he’s INSANE~! Non-Title Match: Wild & Dangerous vs. the Royal Order ~ This feels oddly familiar. All in all, not a bad match, although I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was just Wild and Dangerous celebrating their victory by running through their spots. I feel bad for the Royal Order, because they’re good enough, they just can’t seem to break out in the tag division. It’s a shame Korgath has never really broken out, considering the level of talent he has and the improvement he’s made since he pretended to be the Undertaker. ***

Was that for Kingmas 2003?

The people sending to THOTH (only two of you), please send to Chuck Woolery instead.

Fascists.