Ace309

Returning from a commercial break, we quickly cut backstage to the catering section of the “La Arena de los Trubadores”…a couple of weird looking Mexican standing in the kitchen area watching on, as all around the catering section stand tables covered with pies. Each set of pies has a label…’apple’, ‘cherry’, ‘steak and kidney’…there’s even a section of good-ol’ clichéd cream pies. The contestants are all stood around the catering area ready for battle, referee Sexton Hardcastle in the middle…wearing a full plastic outfit to avoid getting his referee’s garb pied. Meanwhile, Funyon stands in the middle with a microphone…why is a mystery, seeing as there’s a boom mic above his head anyway. “Welcome back to Crimson!” Judge’s voice booms in the background. “And it looks like we’re ready for the pie m…” “Judge…I’m always ready for pie!” Annie buts in. “You’ve been waiting to say that all week haven’t you?” Judge questions. “Bringing down the tone as ever.” adds Ejiro. “Bringing down the tone? Have you not read the rules for this match!?!” Annie snaps back. Suddenly, Funyon cuts them off, ”Fellahs…this is…the pie match! The rules for this are simple. There are pies around you. Use them. Do not eat them. You may also use the tin trays the pies come in. I must inform you…the SJL will not be held responsible for any cases of food poisoning as a result of this match…so keep your mouths shut. So…if you’re ready… …PIE~!~!~! Funyon quickly dives out of the way, as the pies are suddenly flying! “FOOOOOD FIIIIIGHT!!!” yells Ejiro comically. “Well, don’t expect a classic catch-as-catch-can contest here tonight folks.” adds Judge. “Just to clarify, before they all become recognisable due to pie juice and p…” “Ha…you said pie juice!” Annie jokes, butting in. “Oh grow up.” snaps back Judge. “Anyway…we have The Unknown Warrior, Manson, Hollywood Spike Jenkins and the European Champion Landon Maddix out there…the title is not on the line tonight however.” As numerous pies fly across the room, Maddix suddenly pulls something from his tights…as he ducks and weaves the pies thrown at him, Maddix snaps his wrist…unravelling… …a bullfighter’s red cape? Quickly Maddix covers his head with the cape, before charging down the catering area, and eventually bumping into and taking down Manson! Jenkins and Warrior meanwhile also stop flinging pies, each with one in their hand and closing in on each other. Getting close to each other, the two hold their pies behind their backs…before engaging in a scary staredown. Maddix punches away at Manson, as meanwhile Spike gives the ninja suited Warrior a theatrical look, and in his best Hollywood voice mutters… “Go ahead punk…make my day!” Warrior goes to throw the pie, but is hit by Spike before he is able to. Creamed apple flies everywhere, as Spike starts laughing…only to have a pie hurled in his face by Maddix from across the room. Manson capitalises with a pie shot to the back of the head, as all hell is breaking loose. Referee Hardcastle watches on cowering slightly, trying not to get hit. “You know, this match would have never happened whilst we were here.” Ejiro says, clearly directing his words towards The Judge. “True…” Judge replies. “We’re all about real wrestling…not throwing pies.” “Coming from the two guys who contested the ‘ping-pong challenge’ a while ago…” Annie buts in, shutting both her announce partners up instantly. Grabbing Maddix by the hair, Manson throws the Euro Champion into the ‘apple’ table face first. Meanwhile, Jenkins and Unknown Warrior trade blinded right hands, most of them not connecting. Quickly Manson grabs two ‘banana cream’ pies and walks over…smashing one into the back of each man’s head simultaneously, sending both men crashing head first into each other. Both go down, their heads covered in pie…as Manson grabs one of the tin trays, and smashes Warrior over the head with it. Meanwhile, Maddix is back up…sneaking up behind Manson. Manson turns around in time to duck a pie throw, but gets a boot to the gut. Maddix locks on a front facelock, but adjusts Manson into a reverse DDT position. Grabbing a pie with his free hand, Maddix spins around, dropping Manson to the concrete with the… …yes… …‘Pie Of The Hurricane’. The pie is crushed across Manson’s face, quickly wiping the pie from his face so he can breathe. Maddix meanwhile grabs Spike Jenkins, and throws him forwards, crashing over a table wiping out the pies on it…almost all of them landing on him on the other side of the table. “I bet they never did that to Spike in Hollywood.” Ejiro jokes. “Oh, I don’t know…seems like a ‘Hollywood’ type of thing to do.” Annie replies, as ever disagreeing with Ejiro. “Throwing pies? Obviously you’ve never been to Hollywood.” comes the sarcastic reply. “The state’s run by Schwarzenegger…what more can I say?” Annie snaps back. Maddix quickly grabs the Unknown Warrior, and throws him into another nearby table head first. He then grabs a pie, and goes to smash it over Warrior’s head…but Manson grabs it from behind. The confused Maddix turns around…to get WAFFLED with the tin side of the pie. A dazed Maddix crawls away, as Warrior gets a pie slammed across the back of his now food covered ninja suit by Manson. Manson follows the man who has defeated him twice in the past few weeks, grabbing him by the hair and throwing him hard into a nearby soft drinks machine. “Hey…that’s not legal!” Annie cries out. “It’s a soft drinks machine, not a machete! Of course it’s legal!” Ejiro argues. “I mean not legal in the match!” Annie argues back. “Will you two stop already!” pleads Hearford. “This job is hard enough as it is, without you two constantly bickering! This is an important match!” “Err…partner…they’re throwing pies at each other.” Ejiro mumbles, quietening Judge. Manson then hooks on a front facelock, and quickly snap suplexes Maddix on the concrete, causing Maddix to yell out in pain on impact. Manson immediately makes a cover… SLAP! …ONE… SLAP! …TWO… …T… …Maddix kicks out! Angrily Manson grabs a pie from beside him, and throws it at Hardcastle! It hits Hardcastle in the face…and sends him backwards a couple of steps. Manson goes back to Maddix…when suddenly Hardcastle grabs a pie, and throws it at Manson! Manson staggers back, as from nowhere Spike Jenkins crawls over, covered from head to toe in cherry pie, and rolls Manson up… SLAP! …ONE… SLAP! …TWO… KICKOUT! Spike fires right hands at Manson, and then at Maddix…suddenly a fire seemingly lit under him. Grabbing a nearby steak and kidney pie, Spike gets up, yelling out something about Hollywood…the pie seeping into his mouth causing him to mumble. Slowly Maddix gets to his feet, and gets the pie thrown at him…somehow he catches it before it hits him in the face…but Spike improvising, hitting the “I Just Broke Your Nose”…with a pie!?! “Well…that was innovative…the I Just Broke Your Nose, with a pie…” Judge sums up what happened. “You might call it…the…’PIE’ Just Broke Your Nose…” Ejiro jokes, before breaking into singular uproarious laughter. Maddix holds his face, more from the kick than the pie…after all, it is an English flavour, so it’s all good to him…as Manson sneaks up behind Jenkins, and hits a quick back suplex. “RAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!” The Unknown Warrior suddenly charges over…but Manson sidesteps coolly, causing Unknown Warrior to crash face first into the soft drinks machine. As he hits the floor, the near-smiling Manson shrugs his shoulders…before grabbing Spike up from the floor. Dragging him over to a table, Manson sets Spike up between his legs, hoisting him up for an attempted powerbomb. Spike however escapes over the back, and as Manson turns around, Spike sets up for the ‘Highlighter’. “The Highlighter…” Judge quickly rambles… “No, it’s the PIE-lig…” Ejiro starts. “Oh, give it up!” buts in Annie. Manson fires rapid elbows to escape, before hooking Spike’s arm over his shoulder…and throwing him over his head with a t-bone suplex…through the pies… …CRRRAAASSSHHH!!! …and through the table!!! “Oh my! What a move by Manson…” Judge says. “But he used the table…Hardcastle’s got a decision to make!” adds Annie. Hardcastle doesn’t know whever to call for the bell or not…his decision made for him as Maddix crawls over, and rolls up Manson… SLAP! …ONE… SLAP! …TWO… …T… …TWO! Maddix jumps to his feet, as starts throwing pies wildly at Spike…at Manson…at Hardcastle…even at Gus! Maddix then lets out a ‘roar’ of ‘intensity’…before grabbing another pie and SLAMMING it into the head of the Unknown Warrior. Manson meanwhile is up, hitting a crescent kick which sends Maddix staggering back over to service part of catering…where one of the Mexicans suddenly passes Maddix a pie. Manson has a pie too, and goes to hit Maddix with it…Landon ducks though, and the pie connects with the smaller Mexican. This gives him time to hit Manson with the pie…knocking him down. “Wow…what a shot that must have been!” Annie exclaims. “Wait…that was just a pie?” Ejiro mutters. “I smell something, and it’s not pie! It’s a cheat!” Rather than exploding, this pie has just dented slightly. Maddix looks down on Manson with a smile, holding the pie in his face. Maddix: “Did that hurt Manson? Well that’s because this pie, is a special pie. A rather…hard pie. It was…a baguette pie! And it was made by my buddy here…who isn’t Mexican. He’s Spanish!” OH MA GODZ~! Maddix flings the pie to the side, the pie hitting the wall and actually denting it. Hardcastle meanwhile can do nothing, as Maddix has broken no rules as such. The smiling Maddix jumps up onto a table, and waits for Manson to get up. He doesn’t look like doing so… …The Unknown Warrior however does. Maddix sees him, and hooks the head…swinging off the table with a Crash Landon…onto the concrete floor! Maddix makes the cover… SLAP! …ONE… SLAP! …TWO… Spike tries to make the save… …T… …but slips on the pie remains… …H… …R… …EEEEE!!! MADDIX WINS! “Well…it’s over…” Judge mumbles, more relieved than anything. “Thank god.” agrees Ejiro. “The Fight Song” plays over a boom box in the corner of the catering section, as Maddix raises his arms in the air and begins to celebrate in amongst the pies. A quick shot of the ‘baguette pie’ is shown, not exactly looking appetizing, as Maddix is passed his belt, raising it in the air to the delight of… …about 4 staff members, a girl in a French maid’s costume and commissioner Raynor, head in hands as to why he booked this match. “Maddix wins the match…with the help of some baguette.” Judge says, trying his best to sound believable. “Well, it’s a fitting end to this heap of cr…” Ejiro starts, but is cut off… …by Annie, “Oh, don’t you have a sense of humour. Christ!” “Well…the specially baked ‘baguette pie’ won i…” Judge starts, but stops suddenly. “Oh, I can’t say it without laughing. Let’s just go to a break whilst we clear the mess up backstage…” Maddix leaves the catering, and takes the long walk… …to his dressing room across the hall, as the scene fades out, Spike tucking in to some consoling cherry pie.

Speeding wildly back from commercial, the lovable SJL announce team seem ready for the action to begin. “Welcome back to Crimson, fans”, Annie shakes her head, “and I still can not believe they stuck me with these two oddjobs.” She looks back and forth between the two men who are looking professional, for once. “Next up the founder of the Decay, one Dominic Korgath…will be facing off against the returning…and seemingly endlessly cheerful Alan Clark…” Annie starts her own professional act, but is quickly cut off by Ejiro… “…who we last saw being taken out of the Genesis Four Tournament by Yours Truly…” a big smile forms on his face as he receives a high-five from his partner. “But you were eliminated by ME…remember…” Judge comes back and Ejiro’s smile fades as the lights drop out of the arena and the announce team goes quiet…only to be brightened back up by… "Please Stand Clear of the Ring. Por favor Soporte Claro Del Anillo." "For the safety and comfort of others...no smoking please. Para la seguridad y la comodidad de otras... el ningún fumar por favor" "The SJL and the Walt Disney Company are proud to present...the following matchup." The voice dies out…and a catchy melody soon replaces it… “A-L-A-N-C…L-A-R-K…My oh my what a wonderful guy…” “Oh no…” Judge and Ejiro moan to themselves as the tune of Zip-A-Dee-Dah brings an odd warmth over the crowd as slowly cheers begin to fill the arena for the arrival of Alan Clark, appearing from behind the curtain sporting a classy smile. “And the Eerie Cheer Factor just jumped up about a million points…” Ejiro looks around oddly at the sudden happiness of the crowd. “And those are some mighty fine overalls!” Judge puts a small twang in his voice as he tries to hold in his amusement of Clark decked out in his farmer’s attire - overalls and work boots. “Ladies and Gentleman…the following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL…introducing first…hailing from the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida…he is the Happiest Guy On Earth….ALAN CLARRRRRRRRRRRRRRK~!” Funyon bellows out the introduction as Clark slides into the ring, his hands raising in triumphant return style as the crowd cheers and sings along to the music. “And his opponent…” Funyon begins but is quickly cut off by a drop in the cheery music… "You sit alone in lightless chambers, all the love you had is gone No one there to catch your fall, you never felt so alone Blackened thoughts in lonely ruins, lifeless eyes an empty gaze Death is but a promise now, life is just an empty phrase!" These words bring the entrance of Dominic Korgath, the Decay founder moving slowly through the curtain as the crowd shows their disapproval of the massive wrestler, almost hiding their respect for his size behind the hate of his actions. “…hailing from the Plains of Azeroth…he is a founding member of the SJL’s Decay…he is… DOMINIC KOOOOORRRRRRGGGGGAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHH~!” Funyon’s voice trails off as the boos almost overtake him. The announce team looks over the scene below them. “Okay…so we have Clark…who is the happiest little twirp I’ve ever seen…and on the other side of the ring we have Dominic Korgath…you is not exactly known to be a figurehead of corporate friendliness.” Annie observes as Korgath steps through the ropes and into the ring, looking across at Clark, who is waving to fans at ringside, his smile brighter and brighter. Yeah and we also have a relative newcomer that already has gotten a bit of ring rust going against a guy that has been fighting consistently for the past few months and has not taken any breaks at all” Judge sheds his own poignant view on the subject as Sexton Hardcastle briefs the two men of the rules and the bell sounds. *DING DING DING* “And let the slaughter begin, everybody” Ejiro quips as Korgath moves right into Clark’s personal face and shoves him back into the corner, coming in with stiff punches and trapping Clark in the corner. Sexton is quick to call for a breakup as Clark has almost been knocked over the top rope by the shots. Korgath steps away with his hands raised and Clark moves out of the corner, only for Korgath’s large arms to latch around the small frame of Clark as he falls backwards and tosses him end over end onto his back on the canvas. “What a belly-to-belly suplex he just unleashed there…that’ll take the smile off your face!” Judge and Ejiro bust out a high-five behind Annie’s back, and even she gets a small smirk on her face as Korgath drops an elbow across Clark’s throat and goes for a quick cover… ONE… TW- Clark kicks out quickly and rolls to his stomach, trying to get himself back up to a standing position, but the masked behemoth pulls him up to his feet for him as he steps backwards momentarily before attacking with a vicious clothesline that causes the smaller Clark to flip end over end and fall onto his face on the mat. “Simply vicious…” Annie responds to the shot. “Look at that Disney wonder now…he doesn’t even know where he is!” Ejiro laughs to himself as Korgath pulls Clark back to his feet and whips him towards the ropes. Clark bounces off with speed and Korgath goes for a clothesline…but Clark rolls down and out of the way, his legs flailing high and only barely missing the outstretched arm of Korgath. “Did he just…” Justice and Rule both look on in astonishment. “That nutcase just did a CARTWHEEL!” Annie belts out as Korgath turns to catch a dropkick to the chest from the acrobatic Clark, sending him reeling back against the ropes. “…must have learned that during his training…I think he calls that the Wreck of the Miss Tilly or something…” Annie thumbs through some notes as Clark follows up with another cartwheel across the center of the ring and leaps into the air, his right foot swinging out and back in, connecting hard with the side of the Korgath’s face, causing him to roll to the outside of the ring and to the floor. “That boy is doing more cartwheels than some cheerleaders I’ve slept with!” Annie pushes the censors a bit as Judge and Ejiro can be audibly heard chuckling a bit as a cameraman on the outside catches Clark rushing fast toward the ropes. He dives right through them and connects with nothing but the barricade as Korgath moves out of the way at the last moment, causing Clark to violently strike the protective wall and fall to the floor. “The third time was not a charm as Clark wanted to be a showoff and got nothing but pain!” Judge remarks as Korgath picks Clark up off the floor and tosses him into the ring, sliding in after him before Sexton can even begin a count. Dominic rolls Clark to his back and crawls on top of him, going for another cover… ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Clark’s shoulders shoot up before the three and Korgath slaps the mat in frustration that Clark can move after suffering the barricade shot on the outside. “It is early in this contest and already Alan Clark has suffered a brutal shot on the outside” Annie remarks, but Ejiro decides to add his take to the situation… “That boy deserved it…trying that dive on Korgath like that!” Dominic pulls Clark off the mat and goes for another irish whip, sending Alan barreling toward the turnbuckle. Clark’s body hits the corner hard, causing him to bounce off wildly and right into the arms of the Decay founder, who wraps his meaty right arm around Clark’s head in a front facelock and falls backwards, driving the top of Clark’s head into the mat with a hard DDT. Boos erupt from the crowd as Korgath stands and looks out over the arena for a moment before falling to his knees and going for another cover… ONE… TWO… T- “Kickout! And Barely!” Annie blurts out in surprise as Clark’s arm flies off the canvas. Korgath throws a few hard punches into Clark’s face, causing Hardcastle to almost forcibly get in between the two men. Korgath steps off and stands up, boos still echoing throughout the building. Clark rolls toward the closest ropes, but Korgath rushes past Sexton and attacks with stiff kicks that knock Alan down and out of the ring once more. “Dominic just will not let up on his attack of the so-called happiest guy on earth!” Judge can be heard snickering under his breath in approval as Korgath steps through the ropes and jumps down to the floor just as Clark makes his way to his feet, still hunched over a bit in pain. Korgath puts his large hand over Clark’s head and pulls him up to his feet before whipping him toward the ringsteps…Clark’s body bouncing off the steel steps violently, causing him to fall to the floor once more, audibly moaning out from the pain shooting through his back. “Clark is taking so much pain into his lower back…that could seriously come back to haunt him as this match progresses…” Judge looks over at Annie and seems impressed with her sudden professionalism as Ejiro pulls a Pepsi-Max from under the table and pops it open. “Is that what I think it is?” Annie looks toward Ejiro just as Korgath drops another elbow down onto the back of Clark on the outside. Meanwhile on the inside, Sexton’s count gets higher and higher… …4… The crowds boos continue as Korgath only momentarily acknowledges them before lifting Alan back up to his feet and tosses him back into the ring, following behind just as Sexton reaches a 6 count. Korgath wastes little time in going for another cover. ONE… TWO… THR—KICKOUT! Clark kicks out from underneath the Decay founder and rolls away from him and tries to get to his feet. Korgath gets to Clark before he is totally vertical and brings a forearm down across Alan’s lower back, causing him to double-over in pain. Korgath moves in and places Clark’s head between his legs in a standing headscissor, motioning to the crowd that he wants to end it all now. “Could he be going for a powerbomb? If this hits it might kill all the cheer in the building!” Annie remarks as Korgath pulls Alan’s body up over his head, stalling for a moment. “Once Dominic gets on a roll he is tough to stop-“ Ejiro’s comment is suddenly cut off by Clark throwing a hard punch into the top of Korgath’s head before rolling his body backwards and clutching Dominic’s head between his legs, flipping both men upside down and bringing Korgath crashing to the mat in a beautiful hurricanrana! Hardcastle is ready with a count! “Upset! It could be over!” Annie screams as Sexton’s hand hits the mat… ONE… TWO… THR—NO! The stunned Korgath kicks out before the three, sending Clark reeling forward and off of the big man’s shoulders. The crowd explodes for the counter as Alan gets back up to his feet, still holding his back a bit from the shot on the outside. “You were saying, Ejiro?” Annie quips as Ejiro takes another swig from his Pepsi before responding. “You’ll see…you’ll see…” is all he can manage to say as Clark pulls Korgath back up to his feet and tries for an irish whip, but Korgath reverses and catches Clark coming back off the ropes around the waist and spins him up and parallel to the canvas before slamming him down hard in the center of the ring with a vicious looking sidewalk slam! “Ahem…” Ejiro can almost be heard smiling at the sudden change of events back in favor of Dominic Korgath, leaving Clark down on the mat in pain once more. Korgath goes for another pin attempt. ONE… TWO… THREE…. NO! Clark barely gets his shoulder up in time, almost matching the rise of his arm to the fall of the referee’s, leaving some in the crowd in shock and others in pandemonium as cheers erupt from the rafters once more. “He is barely surviving in there…hey Alan…less cheery training, more wrestling training, Okay?” Judge laughs a bit to himself. “Any ring rust that Clark had has probably been shook off by this point, as I’ve never seen a pinball as happy as that guy. Look at him now! He’s almost smiling in pain! We’ve seen that before from him…but I don’t think this is because he likes the pain!” Clark has made his way to the ropes as Sexton is keeping Korgath at bay to give the happiest guy on earth a little breathing room. A close-up shot catches a smile on Clark’s face. “That smile has to be fake…” Judge comments as Clark can seem to be slightly wincing through the smile. Dominic almost shoves the ref out of the way and comes into Clark, but he is ready and hits a quick kick to the stomach of the big man before wrapping his arm around Korgath’s head once more in a facelock. Clark backs up and jumps up, his feet bouncing off the bottom rope before he leaps out and spins around, rolling his body sideways and bringing Dominic down to the canvas with a DDT! “That was a beautiful springboard DDT he just unleashed there…but you know that had to hurt his back just that much more when he landed” Annie says and sure enough both men are down, though Korgath seems to actually be stirring a bit more than Clark as Sexton starts a knockout count. …1… Both men are crawling toward opposite ropes, but Korgath is a little closer to his goal. …2… Korgath reaches the bottom rope and begins to pull himself up, his left arm holding his head in a bit of pain after having it planted in the center of the ring. ….3…. Clark has made the ropes now, but is slower making it to his feet. …4… “Dominic is up to one knee!” Ejiro seems pleased as Dominic finally reaches his feet. On the other side of the ring Clark has gotten up to his feet as well, though slightly slower. Korgath builds up what speed he can as he comes across the ring, but Clark is able to duck at the last moment and push up with all his might, and Korgath flips to the outside, only to catch himself on the apron, Clark stands up vertically and eats a stiff punch from the big man, but Clark takes it and blocks the second, firing back with a series of hard chops. Both men go back and forth over with the ropes between them as Sexton tries to separate the two. *THUD* *CHOP CHOP* *THUD* *CHOP CHOP CHOP* *THUD* With a final punch Clark goes reeling backwards only to shake it off and throw himself between the ropes and into Korgath’s stomach, knocking him off the apron and to the floor. Clark sees an opening and rushes back against the opposite ropes, bouncing off and busting out his third cartwheel of the match… “What is he doing now? A routine?” Ejiro wonders as Clark moves closer to the ropes before flipping his body backwards and moonsaulting over the top rope and toward Korgath, crashing down over top of him and sending both men to the floor in a heap. “The Illumination! Clark with another desperation move at it pays off…but both men look to be feeling the effects on the outside!” Annie comments as the crowd explodes for Clark’s crazy attack. Sexton begins his count. …1… Clark is back to his feet faster than Korgath this time, and he grabs Korgath’s head and whips him into the ring, following behind and breaking the count before it really has a chance to go anywhere. Alan pulls the Decay founder off the mat and tries for an irish whip, but Korgath reverses once more and catches Clark coming off the ropes and wraps his meaty arms around the smaller wrestler in a harsh bear hug! “KORGATH KRUSHER!” Judge and Ejiro both scream out at once as Dominic tries to squeeze the life out of Clark, all the while Sexton checks for a submission. “This could really be the end for the Happiest Guy On Earth!” Ejiro takes a big gulp of his Pepsi as Sexton sees that Clark is almost unconscious from the pain. He lifts Clark’s arm… …and drops it down! “That’s one” comes the call from Judge… …another drop! “That’s two” Ejiro gets his call in. Sexton raises the arm for the third time… …he lets go… …and it stays held high! “Alan Clark is still in it!” Korgath drops the body of Clark down to the mat, and it is barely standing. Korgath falls backwards against the ropes and comes in and looks for another clothesline…and he connects! “CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!” Judge and Ejiro’s voices echo out as Clark flips in the air and falls on his stomach. “Go for the pin! Go for the pin!” Ejiro screams into his headset…but Korgath does not seem to hear as he pulls Clark off the ground. The ruckus crowd is almost adamant with hate as they can sense the end is near for Alan Clark. “It looks like Korgath is going to finish Clark off right here!” Ejiro takes another sip of his Pepsi-Max as Korgath hooks his head under Clark’s arm and starts to lift him into the air. “He’s going for that dreaded Torture Rack…..” Ejiro comments, but Alan Clark has seemingly other plans, shifting his weight in mid air, causing his body to fall out of the Decay founder’s grip and falls back, pulling Korgath down with him, bending his body over backwards. “HE ESCAPED!!” Annie screams as Clark hooks in a facelock, Korgath’s chest pointed toward the sky as Clark raises his right arm high in the air and brings it down under the back of Korgath’s head as Alan spins his body 180 degrees and lays out, driving Korgath’s body down to the canvas with a vicious neckbreaker! “CUTTING IN LINE! ALAN CLARK JUST CUT IN LINE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BIG MAN!” Annie screams out again as Clark gets to his feet… …and pulls his overall straps down!! “WHA-“ Ejiro’s reaction causes him to spit his Pepsi-Max all over the announce booth, sending Annie reeling to her left as she continues to watch the action. “Why can’t the girls in the front row do that?!” She questions as Ejiro’s sputters and spits again, looking over at Annie with wide eyes as Judge just stares at the action in front of him in bewilderment. Alan looks for approval from the crowd, who explodes in reaction to his cutting in line of Korgath. His straps now down he smirks before hooking Korgath’s ankle… “Anklelock…ANKLE-wait…What is he doing now?” All three announcers, as well as most of the crowd and even Sexton look confused as Clark pulls Korgath ankle first across the mat toward the corner, letting go near the turnbuckles and dropping a quick elbow across the throat of the Decay founder before he looks toward the corner. “Clark’s gonna fly!” Annie remarks excitedly as Clark climbs to the top rope and looks down at the unmoving form of Dominic Korgath. With one huge bounce, Alan leaps off the top and begins to rotate forward, his body slowly cradling into a ball as he somersaults heels over head… “Un…” His body falling smoothly toward the canvas… “…believe…” And connecting with a picture perfect 450 degree Splash right on top of the big man… “…able…” …Clark takes a huge shot of pain into his injured back, but he does not have to move as he lands in a perfect pin position. “That’s the Fauntleroy! That beautiful splash from the top!” Annie joins the crowd in their cheers, but is cut off… “Man…It must suck to have a 200 plus pound Ball of Cheer crush your chest like that!” Judge snickers at his joke. “Not if she’s good” Annie replys, causing another spit-take from Ejiro, who gives up and tosses his drink over his head in frustration just as Sexton falls to the mat and starts the pin count… ONE… TWO…. THREE!! ALAN CLARK WINS!! The crowd goes nuclear with cheerfulness as Alan pops off the mat and “Zip A Dee Doo Dah” literally blasts through the arena. Korgath rolls to the outside of the ring clutching his chest as Sexton raises Alan’s right arm high as he tries to fix his overalls, a close-up showing an almost trademark smile plastered on his face. “Alan Clark returns and he returns with a vengeance!” Annie comments. Alan waves to the adoring crowd as he exits the ring and makes his way backstage, leaving Sexton to try and help Korgath, only to be pushed away by the defeated monster as the cameras go back up to the announce booth. “Damn that Dominic Korgath! He had to act all high and mighty with that stupid Torture Rack! He had the match won!!” Ejiro yells in disbelief over the loss. “Alan Clark said that he was going to start back up where he left off in the SJL…and he proved himself here tonight with his second win over Dominic Korgath in as many encounters. Who knows, gang…we may have quite the cheery little monster to deal with in the next few weeks here in the SJL” Judge comments towards the camera as Annie tries to comfort Ejiro, who seems to be regretting tossing his drink into the crowd. As Annie pulls out another soda, Crimson heads to commercial.

SJL CRIMSON CARD Date: Thursday, November 13, @ 6 PM EST Venue: La Arena de los Trubadores in Mexico D.F., Mexico. Or something. Send Promos & Marked Matches To: Ace309 OPENING PROMO: Not called yet. OPENING RETURN MATCH Alan Clark vs Dominic Korgath Description: Alan Clark is back bizznizzatchezz. He’ll face Korgath in his first sortie back. Rules: Standard match. DQ & Countout apply. Word Count: 4000 Send To: Longdogger_Pete PIE MATCH Manson vs “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins vs Unknown Warrior vs Landon “La Cucharacha” Maddix Description: What the hell is wrong with me? Oh well. You should have fun writing this. See rules for details. Rules: Like a hardcore match, except with one difference. You can only use pies and the cheap tins they come in to hit your opponent. I’m fucking serious. Word Count: 5000 Send To: Thoth MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE CONTENDERSHIP #2 QUADRUPLE DOMINATION Insane Luchadore vs Todd Royal Description: Aecas defends his title on Metal against a challenger of his choosing. But after that, one of these two men will get a shot. A normal match for these two will not do... and knowing me, I can come up with some wacky stips. So here goes. Rules: In each corner, there is a lever like contraption. Each contraption can raise either a red circle or a blue circle. IL is red, Royal is blue (GET IT? ROYAL BLUE LLOLOLOLOL). The first man to raise all 4 colors is the winner. The poles are high enough that you’d have to stand on the very top rope to reach the lever to raise your color. Each pole starts out with no color raised. Word Count: 6000 Send To: Ace309

The fans are quiet. Suddenly, the announcement rings over the sound system… “Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the singing of the national anthem.” Funyon steps into the ring… but is suddenly clipped in the back of the head with a steel chair! He staggers forward, and behind him stands a smug-looking Japanese man… the last of the Bemani Cross Wizards, Thoth! He signals the guys in the back, and the soupy background music begins to play. (There… you… are…) I hate you all You all – all – all – all suck! (Near… or… far…) Why can’t you just all stay the fuuuck away from me?! It’s a lonely night Alone in my room making these… Stupid fucking rants! It’s pointless…. And I’m off key and I don’t care! I don’t care cuz yooooooooooooooou [unintelligible] That was my falsetto! JD does it better! Because he’s a tool, and you’re all tools as well! But it makes me remember… in this bit Because I can make fun of all you stupid fucking retards! (There… you… are…) It never gets boring or lonely cuz you all suck! (Near… or… far…) Why can’t you all just accept what I do is cool and leave me the… fuck… alone! (There… you… are…) The crowd stands, applauding Thoth’s stirring rendition of his Best Rant Ever. “I’m out, yo,” he says. “Straight up, peace out! JD’s still a freak!” Ejiro wipes a tear from his eye. “Just beautiful,” he says, weeping.

I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around how, exactly, the case could be recreated in a gay/lesbian rights context.

... LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Guys in my match have an extension till 10 PM eastern, as I'm going to a lecture tonight that I thought was on Friday. Sorry about the delay.

I've always wanted someone to read The Great Gatsby into the congressional record.

A while back, a friend of mine had an away message that I liked, and so, to honor him, I stole it. Shamelessly. This led to many interesting things, including several haiku, and Ash Ketchum rewriting the theme from Shaft about me. However, today, I am truly creeped out. I came back, and this was waiting for me: *shudder*

Booo. That wasn't very nice, Johnny. And I own last post on all three boards.

... dude, that means all he can do is drink, piss and sing Dropkick Murphys songs.

Two Returning Stars... One Title Shot... Annie "Ichiban" Onita versus Janus Hardcore Gamers #1 Contender - No DQ - ICHIBAN~! The Master Of Sickness... The Master Of Sin... Dace "F'n" Night versus "The Sinner" John Duran ICTV #1 contenders - ICHIDACE~! A Man Possesed... A Man Betrayed... "Deathwish" Danny Williams versus Va'aiga No Disqualification - ICHIWILLIAMS~! A Friendship Offered... A Freindship Destroyed... Bastion versus Xstasy Fall Count Anywhere - But with DQ's - ICHIBAS~! Friends And Rivals... Enemies and Turncoats... Technicians and Monsters... The Main Event To End All Main Events... TOM FLESHER, THE BOSTON STRANGLER, WILDCHILD, AND JOHNNY DANGEROUS VS EREK TAYLOR, MICHAEL CRAVEN, "JUDGE MENTAL" WILLIAM HEARFORD, AND EJIRO FASAKI! Eight Man Elimination Tag - No pick.

I mark for Ichiban Onita.

As Arbitrary Team Captain, I choose mine. Haiku, baby.

AND 23 PIECES OF CANDY

Since someone already posted the snopes link, let me just point you toward the Straight Dope as supplementary info. http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a990820.html

Happy birthday to our favorite t-shirt-hawking JLer, Leon Sharpe~!

I think their finisher was, like, one doing a backdrop and the other catching it and pulling the opponent into a kneeling x-factor-type move. I know it was called the Shaker Heights Spike.

Um. This didn't get props. This deserved props.

Let me just say that the barroom brawl was hard to mark. Why? 722 words from one guy, and 939 from the other. I was tempted to do it on word counts alone, but I felt I owed each man a read. Both matches were improbable, and so I just went with the better (funny-improbable, instead of improbable-improbable) match, even though it was Spike's.

Can I be in a cold water g-string match with Annie, Sarah and Cardboard Comet?

I drink my regular coffee with milk and sugar... although I prefer redeyes from the coffee bar on campus (or, since I got it, my espresso machine and brew-and-go coffeemaker at hom). The clientele doesn't bother me because I buy it and walk out. Alternatively, I like a double espresso black, or a chai latte.

And Reflection, my third and final RP for the first round.

Update. I've been tweaking the vermouth level in my Bombay Sapphire gibson. Using slightly less seems to make it taste better, but I still prefer my 8:1 Seagram's.

Here's how the WFers are handling the first round. Bracket One Tom Flesher (featuring SWF road agent Pete MacDougall): Catching the Redeye In the Studio Mike Van Siclen: A Real Eye Opener Dominic Korgath: You're In My Way Bracket 2 Michael Craven: Getting To Know You Merc, Tyler, if you're posting and I missed it please let me know and I'll link you up.