5_moves_of_doom

In front of a black background stands a man. He comes through the screen in a grayish shade, and he walks forward towards the camera. He wears a shirt, not unlike any you wind find at any federal prison. He is an enormous man, but not fat. He is built like a mountain, with a thick neck. He has a buzz cut and a pair of aviator glasses, which reflect back to the viewer. In his mouth sits a large piece of chew. After stepping forward towards the viewer, to the point they are staring him straight in the eyes, you hear the sound of tobacco spit hurling from his mouth. In the reflection of his glasses, you can see a live, inside shot of the Delta Center. Finally, he speaks. “Well folks…I reckon we have a Lockdown on our hands!!” The screen zooms in on the man’s sunglasses, after the shot of the arena becomes too blurred to see clearly, the screen changes over to an arena camera of the Delta Center, which rocks and rolls upon the start of Lockdown, one of the SWF’s premiere programs. The arena rocks and rolls, the only way a sea of Mormons can. The Lockdown theme blares loud and strong throughout the Delta Center, as the commonplace camera swings takes place, sighting out homemade signs and interesting spectators, the crowd’s intensity comes down a notch. Finally, the camera swing stops, and one ringside camera focuses on the announcer’s table, where Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley sit. The arena music slowly fades out as they speak. Comet: Welcome to the sold out Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah! Citizens, we have perhaps the biggest episode of Lockdown ahead of us. Nine important matches and all of them building up to our main event, where Dace Night takes on the Straight Edge Assassin Toxxic for the ultimate achievement in the Smarks Wrestling Federation, the World Title! Riley: Dace F’n Night finally getting his title shot. I’m not a big fan of his, but he deserves it more than anyone on this roster. Comet: Also tonig— The Spandex wearing Crime fighter is interrupted by the sound of a guitar coming out of the PA system speakers. After a moment, it is apparent that the song playing is “Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones. The crowd roars in surprised ovations. Soon, Munich, Agent 27 comes out from behind the curtain. He’s wearing his normal wrestling gear tonight, minus his wrestling boots, which have been changed in favor of a pair of casual ankle high black shoes. He strides confidently down to the ring, pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket swaying back and forth. Something is different about Munich tonight. The Nicotine Junkie carries along with him a large, grey briefcase. It swings heavily in his left arm. Meanwhile, Funyon starts with his surprised introduction. Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome…MMUUNIICCCHH! Riley: What in Sam’s hill is Munich doing out here. Does he actually plan on talking to the fans? He hasn’t talked to SWF fans in nearly three years!! Comet: He looks like he has a purpose to be coming down the ramp. I think the purpose may lie inside of that case. Riley: Yes. So the question is. What’s in the briefcase!! Comet: Patience, Robert. As the cheers from the crowd start to die down, Munich trudges up the steel steps, and climbs through the middle rope. He walks towards the center of the ring, and places the suitcase down right in the middle of the ring, handle facing up towards him. He continues with his walk, and asks on the ring crew to hand him a live microphone. One gets flipped up to him, the commonplace black microphone with SWF insignia printed near the top of it. As Munich walks back towards the briefcase, his theme music fades. Finally, he turns and looks out into the audience. Some stand, some sit, some stand because the person in front of them is standing. Finally, he puts the microphone up to his mouth, and starts talking. “OK now folks, here we go. The show is off and running and I am wasting valuable airtime telling everyone things they already know. So, let me get down the good stuff. My old man once told me that the hardest part about doing something time consuming, whether it be starting up a business, rebuilding parts of a home, seeking out a relationship with a woman, or fixing a john, is actually going through with your plan, and starting it. It rings true. We will never wonder what could have been, and it’ll be fun reaching the destination of our goal.” Comet: What does citizen Munich plan on getting to? Riley: He better not have a semi automatic pistol in that briefcase. Munich scans out into the crowd, the simple people of Utah looking right back at him, waiting. He circles around the briefcase for a moment, stroking his chin and licking his lips in contemplation. Finally, he readies himself and speaks. “I realize that I have not exactly lived up to any sort of potential I may have had. This ring has ravaged me to the point of me becoming a near cripple. I probably will not win the World Title in this company any time soon, if not ever. So what lies in this briefcase may very well be my last chance to be remembered in a good light, not a memory of injuries, excuses, and bitterness. I’m out here opening the f**king show, so I had better make it worth your time. It is now story time here in The Delta Center!” Comet: Do you have a clue as to where Munich’s going with this? Riley: I wish I had. “Back a few years ago, well, three to be exact last month, the Minor League and Junior League merged into the new Junior League. When this happened, belts were sacrificed to make a level playing field. Among those belts was a belt I held. The belt was the Eastern United States Championship. After the belt was retired, I asked if I could keep it for kicks, and maybe wear it when I got out of bed every morning, just so I could have a championship belt at all times. On a side note, I bought the belt for five dollars and a coupon for a free buffet at Souper Salad! Over the last few years, the belt has been on my mantle, gathering dust, and I don’t like that one bit.” The crowd starts to catch on, especially as they see a smartass smirk quickly strike upon Munich’s visage. He glances down at the briefcase, then back up to the crowd. The crowd starts to cheer. The roars get louder and louder inside, and Munich just stands there and breathes it in. Comet: Citizen Munich is definitely insinuating that he wants to bring back the Eastern United States Championship? Isn’t it made out of a wood like material? Riley: The belt was dead and buried! He can he bring it back? Comet: He does own it. And this does seem to intrigue the fans. Riley: They’re Mormons!! Monogamy intrigues and baffles them!! “This afternoon, I talked to the commissioner. And..” The mention of the man behind the curtain draws the crowd to voice their approval. The response is rather mixed, cheers and boos alike. “And, after a short closed door conversation, we came to this result.” *BONK!* The microphone falls to the mat with a large thud, and promptly, Munich starts to rummage through the briefcase nearby. In one swift movement, pulls a shiny, strappy, leather thing out of the bag and holds it high over his head for the crowd to see. The fans cheer wildly upon seeing this reminiscent object. Comet: That’s the EUS Championship, fair citizens! Riley: You’re damned right it is. I haven’t seen that thing in what feels like forever. He circles the ring with the belt, the fans popping as they see its shimmer. Raised proudly above his head with his left hand, he walks back to his microphone the center of the ring. He puts it on around his waist, and quickly fastens it to his waist, knowing exactly which notch he is supposed to connect it with. After properly fastening it around his waist, he reaches down with his right hand, and slightly buffs it with a look of love on his face. Finally, he bends over and picks up the fallen microphone. “The Eastern United States Championship is back, and it’s around my waist!” Agent 27 crosses his arms behind his back, as he soaks in the joy from the crowd. “This is quite simple when you break it down, people. I have brought back this Championship belt to defend it righteously, and to, someday soon, merge it in with the USJL Title. I want to give it the full lineage it deserves. If I happen to lose my belt, it’ll be OK, but you better believe I will be campaigning non stop to see that the unification takes place. Now, with this out of the way, I want you to sit back and enjoy the show. Have a good evening! So says…THE EUS CHAMP!” *THUNK!* “Gimme Shelter” kicks up on the PA system once again, and the belt wearing Texan picks up his now empty briefcase. He advances to the side of the ring, and quickly exits, the crowd cheering behind him. Quickly, he walks up the ramp. On the way, he deftly pulls a cigarette out of his pack, and lights it, perhaps needing nicotine to propel him up the ramp. He puffs and puffs, and soon is behind the curtain. Quickly, his theme music fades out, and the viewer is left with a shot of the announcer’s table. Comet, a quizzical look on his face, evens out some papers on his side of the desk, while Riley looks poised to continue. Riley: Well now we have another title that shouldn’t be around. Comet: Oh, Citizen Riley, Munich is just looking to bring it back to merge with the USJL. Riley: He’s barging his way into the USJL title race! Comet: But he does have something that would mean complete unification. And isn’t it interesting he still has a title with him that was retired three years ago? Riley: Stop making me feel old. Comet and Riley run over the time limit, and were cut off with a… <FADE TO BLACK>

I dumped all of my old JL matches. Plenty of room now. I SACRIFICED THE TNT VS. CED ORDONEZ VS. T-BONE TABLES MATCH FOR YOU!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? ARE YOU!?

... ... ... Explain yourself. Now. Note: And for the record, my favorite Zeppelin album is III. Sentimental value, since it was my first, but overall I just think that of all the albums, it flows best, and that Tangerine/That's the Way combo is unbeatable.

I flip that. When I first got Pinkerton, it was the bees-knees. Loved it for a long time, and still like it. As far as pure pop pleasure and overall enjoyment, the debut holds up much better. I don't think it's terribly weak on lyrics, either. As far as witty, snappy cheese goes, it's right on-point. Bang! Bang a knock on the door another big bang and you're down on the floor oh no! What do I do? Don't look now but I lost my shoe I can't run and I can't kick What's a matter babe are you feelin' sick? What's a matter, what's a matter, what's a matter you? What's a matter babe, are you feelin' blue? oh-oh! WIT~!

Oh, one more. Weezer -- Weezer (The Blue Album) -- This album is just so, so, SO lyrically weak, and just OK musically. I used to be a pretty intense Weezer fan, but now all I can stand is Pinkerton.

"Battle of Evermore" and "When the Levee Breaks" make it worth it, though. But I really shouldn't be talking. Pink Floyd has replaced Led Zeppelin for me in a big way recently, and I hardly even enjoy the band anymore. It's probably just a phase, but still, they were my third favorite band ever behind the immortal Pixies/VU combo, so this has come as quite a shock. Anyway, for me, I would say... AC/DC -- Back In Black -- For having such an intense reputation, this is quite... just "OK." Bon Scott was the better singer, but just in general, I prefer Black Sabbath A LOT in comparison to these guys. Still cherish my copy of High Voltage though. The Flaming Lips -- The Soft Bulletin -- *hides from pummeling* I'm sorry. It's a good album... but maybe I just haven't quite soaked it in. For some reason, I simply enjoy Yoshimi's stuff infinitely more. Beck -- Odelay! -- Same as above. I like the album a whole lot... I just prefer his debut to this, for some odd reason. The Sex Pistols -- Nevermind the Bollocks -- What a load of average. The Clash simply blew these guys away. That's all I've got for now. I mainly only buy the essentials, usually. Maybe I'll have a few more for later, though.

I'll make this quick. I've got a little extra money on my hands, and for nostalgia's sake, I might just use it to go ebay-crazy and pick up a few games for my old Super Nintendo. Now, two-player games were always my favorite (specifically co-op stuff,) and Turtles In Time and Battletoads vs. Double Dragon can only last me so long... so... for all you old-school gamers... what're some of your old favorite two-player SNES games? Thanks for anyone who responds.

Copy/pasted from my "What Are You Listening to Right Now..." post... I meant to post in here, pretty much. "Oh, and I've also been listening to Nico's first solo album... (Great stuff... a few songs go on a bit too long, but usually it's appropriate, and overall this is one of the most sad, melancholy records I've ever heard, while still somehow uplifting and warm at times. Hrmph.) ...Beck's Mutations... (I'd only heard his first two records and was under the impression that Beck could do no wrong. Well, he can. This is decent, if not good, but just not up to par with Odelay, and especially Mellow Gold, which I enjoy slightly more.) ...the Ugly Cassanova album... (Great stuff... can't believe I didn't discover this earlier... the only problem is that most of the tracks sound more like soundscapes than actual songs, but for some reason, it feels like that's the way it should be, and I quite like it.) ...and finally, The Madcap Laughs by Syd Barret. (Songs are hit and miss, but overall it's a great documentation of Syd's downward spiral into madness. It's especially haunting because a lot of the time, it's not Syd just going crazy in your face in any way whatsoever. A lot of the tracks are quite sad, because they seem normal enough, and you can tell that Syd's just trying to write some normal, harmless pop songs, but you can always hear the underlying madness if you listen close enough. That's what I like the most about this record -- it's not obvious for the most part. You really have to listen, but once your in Syd's world and are totally engrossed in the album, it's a thouroughly interesting and sad journey.)" Also, I picked up Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music" yesterday. Eek. How soothing.

Oh, and I've also been listening to Nico's first solo album... (Great stuff... a few songs go on a bit too long, but usually it's appropriate, and overall this is one of the most sad, melancholy records I've ever heard, while still somehow uplifting and warm at times. Hrmph.) ...Beck's Mutations... (I'd only heard his first two records and was under the impression that Beck could do no wrong. Well, he can. This is decent, if not good, but just not up to par with Odelay, and especially Mellow Gold, which I enjoy slightly more.) ...the Ugly Cassanova... (Great stuff... can't believe I didn't discover this earlier... the only problem is that most of the tracks sound more like soundscapes than actual songs, but for some reason, it feels like that's the way it should be, and I quite like it.) ...and finally, The Madcap Laughs by Syd Barret. (Songs are hit and miss, but overall it's a great documentation of Syd's downward spiral into madness. It's especially haunting because a lot of the time, it's not Syd just going crazy in your face in any way whatsoever. A lot of the tracks are quite sad, because they seem normal enough, and you can tell that Syd's just trying to write some normal, harmless pop songs, but you can always hear the underlying madness if you listen close enough. That's what I like the most about this record -- it's not obvious for the most part. You really have to listen, but once your in Syd's world and are totally engrossed in the album, it's a thouroughly interesting and sad journey.) And that's all for me right now.

Lou Reed -- "Metal Machine Music Pt. 1" ...Uhm...

Please do. That was always my favorite... though I simply have a thing for double-albums, so I'm totally biased. But still. It's Godliness, and stuff, so rate it. Oh, and for me, putting the VU albums in order has always been impossible. The first 3 have constantly alternated as far as my favorite one goes (though most of the time I like the first one the best simply due to "Heroin,") but oddly enough, Loaded has never been my least favorite at any given point. It's always solidly in the 2nd or 3rd place spot. So that's... wacky, and stuff.

OK Computer and The Bends are considered to be the two essentials by just about anyone that you would ask. I like the former better as an entire album, but I like the latter better song-for-song... so I just advise that you pick up both. That should be enough to start you out. I'm not sure if you wanted me to suggest albums or just individual songs. By the way, does anyone have an in-depth scoop on the band's state at the moment? I heard that they were taking a hiatus or something... I've heard several different things about what their plans are though, and I'm not sure what to believe.

Hrmph. Funny. Birdland and Free Money are two of my favorites, falling just short of Gloria and Land status. Birdland does get a bit tiring though due to the length and the lack of the song really... evolving... into anything, but I still like it a lot. Nice mood to it. And I've been meaning to pick up Spiderland for eight months now. I think I'll finally go for it.

Eh, it does for the Velvet Underground. There are few songs on the four main VU albums period that I would rate below a 7. I can't name one off the top of my head, actually.

Let's see... that's my favorite album ever, so I'll start with that. Don't expect too many low scores. Sunday Morning 10 I'm Waiting for the Man 9 Femme Fatale 9 Venus in Furs 10 Run Run Run 8 All Tomorrow's Parties 9 Heroin 10 There She Goes Again 8 I'll Be Your Mirror 9 The Black Angel's Death Song 9 European Son 10 Aaaaaand then... well, I tried rating "The Lonesome Crowded West," and had a mental breakdown, so that's it for me. I can't do these sorts of things.

I think I'm going to go ahead and give them a try. Not much to lose, seeing as how it's only $16 or $17.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. "Love them all" may have been a slight overstatement, but I think I'd definitely like them. Wilco and Interpol have both impressed me mightily before, and Morrissey's solo career has been "OK," but the two or three songs I heard off of his new album sounded anywhere between quite good and really good. As for Loretta Lynn, I will admit that that might have been a semi-blind statement, but I though I'm not the most intense White Stripes fan, I trust Jack White, and more to the point, trust the various people who have told me nothing but good things about the album. Anyway... yes, I'm specifically interested in the Wilco here. Does anyone have any opinions on that that they'd like to share with me? How does it match up to their last two albums? Oh, and someone tell me who TV on the Radio are, puh-leeze.

I'll make this as short and sweet as I possibly can. Just picked up one of Built to Spill's albums. Thought it was really good. Coincidentially, I discovered that they're playing near me in 10 days for $16. So, the question is -- for anyone who knows much about them -- are they any good live? Would it be worth it? Thanks to anyone who answers. Sorry the post is so brief, but I just want to know as soon as possible.

Hrm, this year actually hasn't been half bad. The new Modest Mouse was "eh" for me at first, and then I loved it for a while, but listening to it a bit too much sort of ruined it too much, whereas their older albums have faired well even after the most obsessive listening imaginable. That said, overall, the album is great, my favorite track being "Bukowski," one of the band's best songs to date, in my opinion. However, it's hard to notice that the last third of the album is not quite as spiffy as the first two thirds. A lot of the slower songs like "Blame it On the Tetons" are kind of "eh," which is quite sad seeing as how Modest Mouse has put out some of the prettier songs of the '90's. The new Sonic Youth amazes me. Over twenty years of making music, and they're still this good... wow. In my opinion, this even tops Murray Street. Hell, it tops Dirty (it should be noted that I didn't like Dirty too much, though.) The first track and "Unmade Bed" drew me into the album at first, but now I love most every song. I'm a huge Sonic Youth mark, so it's a given that I like this album, but fortunately, I haven't heard of anyone DISLIKING this album yet, so it's not just me. And if not anything, you at least have to respect them for lasting this long and still putting out important music. I really need to see them live on this tour or the next one, before it's too late. ...Actually, come to think of it, old artists making good music abound this year. Patti Smith, Prince, and the Beastie Boys, oh my! The Fantomas albums is... interesting. I'm not sure if I like it or what, but it definitely intrigued me, so I'll include it here. I'm interested in seeing what they do next. I have not heard the Morrissey, Wilco, Interpol, or Loretta Lynn, but something tells me I'd love them all. So... the rundown... - Good News for People Who Love Bad News - Sonic Nurse - Trampin' - Musicology - To the Five Boroughs - Delirium Cordia - more to come... As I said, this year doesn't look half bad... but it's kind of sad that pretty much everyone on there has been around since forever. Someone give me a band that's only one or two records into their career that I can love, please? Is the Franz Ferdinand really worth picking up?

I'm listening to this... Fantomas... thing... ... ...Uhhhh... Actually, I've gotten past the point where any music has even a remote chance of weirding me out, and I quite like it (and want more,) but still. Is 20 minutes of record hiss really necessary? And *I* probably find this a lot LESS pretentious than most people. Oh, also listening to the Oysterhead album. Rock on.

woo.

Ohohohohoho, don't get the wrong idea, there. I work FROM bed. And yeah, I fought JD in a Boiler Room Brawl match at some point... and it's really the only match I've ever lost where I think that I was ROBBED~! ROBBED I SAY!!! That said, I've got no idea on his version, though I've got my copy lying around here somewhere, I believe. It was evidentially close, at least.

The Smarks Wrestling Federation Proudly Presents… SWF SMARKDOWN!!! Monday, June 28th!!! LIVE from THE BEAUTIFUL ROSENBLATT STADIUM IN OMAHA, NEBRASKA!! (send all shenanigans to: realitycheck) RIDICULOUS DEBUT AGAINST TWO ESTABLISHED VETERANS!! Munich vs. Manson vs. Rob Gilbert ~ Rob Gilbert’s debut match is… against two guys who have been in this fed since I was born. Wow. In theory, he’d be doomed… but a win here really could impress the bookers backstage. Quite a bit. An out-of-character note to Munich and Manson: If you do not show, you will die. That is all. Rules: Triple-threat rules. First man to get a pin or submission wins. I’m confused as to what the DQ/count-out rules are in a typical triple-threat, but… well, just don’t end your match in a DQ. Simple enough. Word Limit: 3800 Marker: Suicide King NEWBIE GETS CHANCE TO BOUNCE OFF OF LOSS BY FIGHTING A MAN IN A PENGUIN SUIT!! Heath Black vs. Petey the Irish Penguin ~ Newbie Heath Black lost his debut match here in the SWF, but he has a chance to redeem himself here by fighting a… man in a giant penguin suit. Yeah, don’t ask. Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 3800 Marker: Grand Slam NEWBIE GETS CHANCE TO CONTINUE WINNING STREAK BY FIGHTING FORMER REFEREE!! "The Icon" Max King vs. Ced Ordonez ~ Max King won his first match. Can he win his second?? This match has been built up for MONTHS and now this epic feud is finally ready to be blown off!! WHO WILL WIN?? Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 4001 Marker: realitycheck CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE DEFENSE ALREADY?? CRAAAAAZY!! Martin “Big Country” Hunt vs. Austin Sly© ~ Hunt won his first match here in the SWF in impressive fashion, and… just on an impulse, if you will, he’s IMMEDIATELY been given a shot at the newly-crowned SWF Cruiserweight Champion!! Wowza! Both men are in a very good way right now in the SWF, coming off of two pretty important victories, but only one can continue their streak. Which man will it be? There’s only one way to find out. BATTLE! Rules: Cruiserweight Rules. Word Limit: 4500 Marker: Suicide King HARDCORE TITLE SHOT CASH-IN!! Ryan Dustin vs. Mike Van Siclen© ~ MVS is coming off a pretty hard loss at the hands of Danny Williams from the last show, but Dustin’s got a title shot, and he wants that shot now. hArDK0Re. Rules: Uh, none. Duh. Word Limit: 5000 Marker: Thoth #1 CONTENDERSHIP FOR SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!! “Deathwish” Danny Williams vs. Toxxic ~ Since Tom was supposed to compete against Janus tonight for the World Title, these two were supposed to be competing to see who was next in line for the title. But, since things have turned out the way they have… this is to decide who gets to compete in DOUBLE #1 COMPETITOR WACKINESS~! for the World Title. Hurray at Zed throwing a wrench into the World Title shot machine. Rules: Standard. Word Limit: 5800 Marker: chirs3 ICTV CHAMPION IS IMMEDIATELY SENTENCED TO DEATH IN BOILER ROOM BRAWL!! Jay Dawg vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© ~ One might say “Oh, huzzah! Maddix is our new ICTV Champ! He deserves rest!” But I might punch one out. Ohohohoho. Rest is for sissies. Fighting the most hardcore competitor to ever grace the SWF in a Boiler Room Brawl is for REAL men. Good luck. Rules: I think you both know this one. Both men start out in the boiler room of the stadium, and kill eachother. But the killing should slowly work its way towards the ring, and whoever enters the ring and collects the ICTV belt from referee Anthony Michael Hall first is the winner, and the champion. For stadium lay-out and whatnot… be creative. Word Limit: 6000 Marker: Grand Slam TOM CASHES IN ON TITLE SHOT… JANUS SUSPENDED… FIGHTS JOHNNY DANGEROUS INSTEAD!! “The Superior One” Tom Flesher vs. Johnny Dangerous ~ Tom was all set to go on his #1 contendership for the World Title tonight, but unfortunately, the World champion himself has been temporarily suspended. The obvious replacement, of course, was… Johnny Dangerous. Some might question this line of thinking, seeing as how Dangerous is coming off of a loss to Austin Sly for his Cruiserweight Title here, and Tom’ll probably be pretty ticked off that he’s not getting the title shot that’s rightfully his, but… well, let’s just see what happens. This should be interesting. Rules: Standard Singles Match. Excitement. Word Limit: 6000 Marker: realitycheck

All you no-showers are dumb. That's my only comment on the show, really. I think just about every match on the card was a default win, though the matches that ended up being posted were good all around. Check out the surprise match. It's... SURPRISING! The card will not be going up for a while. I'm leaving to Idaho in a day and I've got to sort some shit out, and on top of that my internet speed is being a bitch. It'll be up eventually, though.

The sold out crowd at The Kingdome gets back on it’s feet for once last time as the Smarktron flashes back into life, signalling the return from the add break. Most of the signs and banners have gone down now, people can’t hold them up any more, but a few of them are still floating around. Funyon climbs back into the ring to announce the next match up, in his ultra flashy tux that only comes out when the SWF comes to the Kingdome. Riley: Can you believe it Comet, we’re on the Kingdome and Tom Flesher isn’t even wrestling tonight! Comet: Well, he is in the main event Robert, I can’t see why you’re complaining. Riley: Yes, but shouldn’t he be having his World Title show in a great arena like this? Noooo, Janus and Dace want to have a little schoolgirl fight with each other and they just HAVE to have a match here tonight. Comet: And I’m so sure Tom Flesher is going to be a fair and balanced contest for this match up. I’ve heard those stories about Mike Van Siclen and Judge Metal. I hope we don’t see a repeat of that tonight. Riley: Oh god, I remember seeing that, that was golden, golden. I hope Tom’s remembered that as well. Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, the following None Title contest will be for One Fall… Introducing, from Buffalo New York, weighing in at two hundred and thirty one pounds … the Special Referee for this contest… ‘THE SUPERIOR ONE’ TOM FLESHER! Bbbbbbbbbbboooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Kashmir kicks into life with the showers of blue pyro, the pounding beat echoing through the Kingdome. Flesher strides through the smoke, golf clapping himself to the second rounds of pyro. In a longer cut singlet with a referee’s shirt over it, Flesher marches down the ramp and rolls under the ropes into the ring. Nodding to Funyon, Flesher yells something at the Time Keeper. Stepping into a corner, Tom just leans back, folding his arms and waiting. FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! Comet: Looks like Tom Flesher doesn’t want to have any part of this match. I wonder if he’ll even bother to count the falls. Funyon: Firstly, from Birmingham England, weighing in at two hundred and fifty two pounds … DACE… FUCKING! Funyon: NIGHT! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Hero rips into life around the arena as the pyro races up the ramp to the stage. Stepping through the smoke, Dace looks around at the chanting crowds before staring down the ramp into the ring. Glaring at Flesher as he makes his way down towards the ring, Dace climbs the apron and steps through the ropes. Throwing his arms up to the fans, Dace continues to glare at Tom and yells a few swear words at him from across the ring. Flesher just waves at taps the Ref’s shirt with a sardonic grin on his face. Funyon: And his opponent, from Sydney Australia, weighing in at three hundred and sixty pounds … the SWF World Heavyweight Champion … ‘THE HELL MACHINE’ JANUS! Bbbbbbbbbbbbboooooooooooooooooo! [sTATUS: RELEASED!] Resurrection breaks into life over the arena, as a shower of blue pyro covers the ramp like rain. Janus slowly walks out, carrying the World Title over his shoulder, moving slowly towards the ring, keeping his eyes fixed on both men. Handing his Title Belt over to the Time Keeper, who jumps away from him, Janus slips off his trench coat and slowly climbs the apron. Stepping over the top rope, Janus spreads his arms too the roaring hails of boos before lumbering over to the middle of the ring. Lazily waving his arm, Tom signals for the bell, before settling back into his corner. DING, DING, DING! Yyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Riley: Look at that Comet, Flesher is hanging back. He’s not stupid, he’s only going to go near those two when he has a job to do. I wouldn’t trust Dace and Janus not to try to take him out right now. Horrorcore and the Hell Machine edge towards each other, looking each other up and down, hatred burning in their eyes before leaping towards each other. Dodgy past a flying fist, Dace gets right into Janus’ face and unloads a wave of elbows into his jaw, sending Janus staggering backwards slight. Swinging his leg up, Night sends a kick crashing into the Champ’s mid section before drilling a knee into it. Ducking down, Night wraps his arms around Janus’ waist and arches his back, taking all three hundred sixty pounds over head and dumping him into the mat with a Northern Lights Suplex. Keeping his grip, Dace arches himself up into a bridge and wants to see what Flesher does. Yyyyyyyyaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Comet: Look at that strength from the White Night, taking it to the World Champ and taking him over with Northern Lights Suplex. Looking up at the sound of the thud on the mat, Flesher slowly ambles across the ring towards Night and Janus. Looking down at Janus’ shoulders to check their on the mat, Flesher almost looks ready to go to the mat when Janus throws Dace clear and rolls over. Bbbbbbbbbbbboooooooooooooooooooo! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! Comet: What a set up, Flesher gets his way into a Referee’s position in this match up and he goes and takes forever even just to make his way over to the action. Riley: He’s not to be careful, he doesn’t want to get caught by a wild blow from either of these two and have to disqualify them. Or even worse, tear out his knee walking across the ring. Rolling back to his feet, Dace swings towards Flesher, yelling at him about his actions and not count the fall. Flesher just looks at him calmly, pointing to the shirt before threatening Horrorcore with a DQ if he touches him at all. Hauling himself back to his feet, Janus looks up to see Night arguing with Tom. Standing behind Dace, the Hell Machine breaks his hands up, trapping Dace’s arms in a Full Nelson. Leaping backwards, the Champ spikes Dace onto his head with a Dragon Suplex hold. The Superior One jumps backwards as Dace is dragged through the air and slammed onto his neck. Slowly moving around to where Dace’s shoulder are pinned to the mat, Tom drops to his knees, looking at the shoulders before very slowly, bringing his arm through the air to the mat. O…N…E! Kickout! Bbbbbbbbbbbbooooooo! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! Riley: What a professional right there in the Superior One. Taking his time, making sure the shoulders are down on the mat. No of this diving into a fast count as soon as you think their shoulders are down. Comet: Professional…? Flesher couldn’t be more crooked and corrupt if he was Richard Nixon right now. What’s he doing to do next, have a nap? Climb back to his feet, Janus stands towering over the Superior One, bringing one arm down to grab hold of him. Flesher just yells up the same threat of a DQ to the World Champ and steps away from him, hold up his hands. Across the ring, the White Night stumbles back to his feet, hold the back for his neck for a few moments as he advances. Grabbing the World Champ by the air, Dace swings him around and fires off another flurry of Elbow Smashes into the Hell Machine’s jaw. Horrorcore follows up with a round of Mid Kicks to Janus’ ribs and gut, doubling the giant over. Grabbing Janus by the head, Dace steps back and starts to drill his knee into Janus’ forehead, cracking them off his skull. Taking a further step back, Dace shoots his leg up and cracks his foot of Janus’ skull with a swinging kick, bringing it back up and landing a second and third to follow. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Yyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Leaping backwards, Dace pause for a moment before diving forwards a full speed, twisting on his heel and sending his elbow crashing into the jaw of the staggering giant. Janus staggers backwards but Horrorcore isn’t done there, rushing past him into the ropes and flying back, drilling his foot into the back of the Champ’s head with a Yakuza Kick. Pitching forwards to the mat like a falling tree, Janus makes a huge crash as he impacts into the mat. Quickly rolling Janus over onto his back, the White Night drops down into a cover. THUD! DACE! DACE! DACE! DACE! DACE! DACE! DACE! DACE! DACE! DACE! Looking up from his corner, the Superior One sees Dace laid over Janus’ body in a cover. With a huge sigh and melodramatically throwing his arms into the air, Tom paces across the ring, taking and age to reach the pin fall. When he finally drops down to count the fall, the Hell Machine throws his shoulder up and kicks Dace away again. Bbbbbbbbbbbbbooooooooooooooooooooo! Comet: This is just ridicules, Flesher doesn’t even look like we wants to be out where refereeing this match up. If he doesn’t, he should just get the hell out and let someone with integrity handle this match. Riley: Are you saying Tom Flesher doesn’t have integrity Comet? I know every in and out of Tom Flesher and I can tell you the man is brimming with it. Besides, do YOU want to get in the middle of a fistfight between those two mad men? Sitting back up, with anger in his eyes, the White Night turns towards Tom Flesher. Stalking over to him, Dace swings his fist back, having to stop himself from nailing Flesher there and then. The Superior One just smirks before pushing himself into Night’s face and yelling at him, threatening him with a DQ once again and jawing about kicking his ass again. Behind the arguing pair, Janus slowly rolls over and sits up. Rubbing his head for a moment, the Hell Machine stands back to his feet. Seeing Janus standing up behind Dace’s back, Flesher gives Night a sharp shove, sending him flying backwards, straight into the waiting arms of the Hell Machine. Bbbbbbbbbbbbooooooooooooooooooo! Drawing his arm back, Janus shoots it forwards and closes his fingers around the throat of the stumbling Dace Night. Easily hauling him up into the air, Janus sends him crashing back down into the mat with a huge splat. Following up, the Champ leaps form his feet and brings a huge leg down across Night’s throat with a Standing Legdrop. Leaning over, Janus grabs a leg and cradles it backwards, making a cover. At a roar from the Hell Machine, Flesher looks up from pretending to file his nails. Strolling over at his own pace, Tom drops down and raises his arm to start the count. O…N…E! …Kickout! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! FLESHER SUCKS! Comet: Well, thanks to Tom Flesher, the World Champ just cut off Dace Night’s offensive run and dropped him with a Chokeslam. Riley: I can tell you Comet, it’s going to take far more than a Chokeslam and some crappy Legdrop to stop the Superior One when he comes after the World Title. Shooting back to his feet, Janus follows Flesher as he strolls back to his corner. Grabbing the Superior One from behind, Janus spins him around and just roars in his face. Towering over Tom, Janus just asks him what the hell he’s doing and promises to squash him like a bug. Flesher yells back about being an official of this match up and his authority. Stumbling back to his feet, Dace sees Janus and Flesher arguing again and has enough. Charing over to the pair, Dace shoves his opponent aside and drills his fist into Flesher’s face, sending him stumbling backwards. Not to be out done, the Hell Machine fires off a Knuckle Bomb that drives Flesher off his feet and into the mat. SMACK! Rrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Comet: These two have had enough. They’ve just taken out Tom Flesher and now the match can really get underway! Riley: What, they assaulted an SWF official! They should both be DQed and fined right now I say! Staring at each other once again, drawing in breath, Janus and Dace pause for a moment as the fans roar before the charge straight back into the attack… CRACK! SMACK! CRACK! SMACK! CRACK! CRACK! SMACK! SMACK! Knuckle Bombs and Elbow Smashes fling, the Hell Machine and Horrorcore just pound away on each other, firing off round after round of attacks, their heads snapping back, but neither one seems to be giving any ground. Flesher sits up against the ropes, holding his head, still seeing double from the two impacts into his face. Letting out a roar as Dace drills home another Elbow, Janus fires off a left and right cross of Knuckle Bombs straight after each other before slamming one straight into the face of the White Night, knocking him backwards. Reaching out and grabbing Dace by the arm, Janus drags him back in and scoops him up over his shoulder… DING! DING! DING! Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Comet: What’s going on? Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, the Referee has ruled this match as a Double Disqualification! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! Riley: Finally! They attack an official and now something’s been done about it. This sort of thing can be allowed to happen and Tom Flesher has laid down the law here. Dropping Dace from his shoulder, Janus spins around with a roar of anger and charges towards the Superior One. Tom tries to back out of the ring, but Janus barrels into him, crushing him into the corner with a Gore. Reeling back up, the Hell Machine drags the Superior One up into the air and just throws him over the ropes to the floor… SPLAT! Oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Comet: Chokeslam to the floor! Janus just Chokeslamed Flesher all the way down to the floor. DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! Riley: Somebody stop this already! Janus has already assaulted Flesher once now he’s doing it again. What’s he going to do next, come after you Comet? As Janus throws his arms up with another roar, a swarm of SWF Security Staff and Road Agents come storming down the ramp in mass numbers. Scrambling into the ring, several of them swarm over Dace Night, dragging him back into the corner as he tries to rises and pin him there. Road Agents that look very much like The Boston Strangler and Long Dogger Pete are just two of the men that pin Janus into the opposite corner, holding his arms down in and effort to restrain the giant. Bbbbbbbbboooooooooooooooooo! Comet: And once again, SWF Security are out here to try and stop there two from ripping each other apart. Riley: And why the hell is that? Let these two go at it if they really want to. I’m sure Flesher wont care as long as he gets his title shot first. Speaking of which, why is no one checking on Tom? Comet: I’m sure TBS….say is that TBS … will do when this situation is sorted out. Literally being dog pilled in opposite corners of the mounds of security staff and road agents, Janus and Dace strain to break free, looking like they want to rip each other apart in the middle of the ring if they had the chance. Even more staff in the ring in an effort to try and sort it out as the image fades out.