Have You Ever Had A Crush On Someone

[Gert T 0]

This one girl who's a bartender at a bar I go to each week, last night I gave her a couple of flowers, she responded with:

 

"that's sweet but i have a boyfriend"

 

Of course I got a free beer when I told her I took them from their garden in front of the restaurant.

 

Chivalry is not dead, even though it may be spelled wrong!

[PLAGIARISM! 0]

She is 5 years older than me, training to be a doctor, hardly ever drinks, is a vegetarian, doesn't like the smiths....

 

 

 

but my GOD.

[B. Brian Brunzell 0]

I had a crush, or shall I say was madly in love with,a girl I work with for about 6 months. Try as I might, nothing happened, so I've moved on.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

No!

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Mario, how in the hell can your answer be no? To my knowledge, every girl on earth is unattainable as far as you're concerned. To say no would mean that you've NEVER..EEEEEEEVER had a crush, or any sort of infatuation with a girl.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Mario, how in the hell can your answer be no? To my knowledge, every girl on earth is unattainable as far as you're concerned. To say no would mean that you've NEVER..EEEEEEEVER had a crush, or any sort of infatuation with a girl.

Well not to my memory no! But hten again I don't remember the first twelve years of my life. In High School I accepted being ugly as Hell, so I gave up on girls. When it comes to that subject, I joke that around stating that I'm so desperate that I will rape the first person I see.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Hey Mario, have you ever questioned your sexuality? I'm dead serious. To go through high school with absolutely no interest in girls either indicates that you hate yourself so much that you've become a eunuch, or else you just like guys and are embarassed to admit it to yourself and your family.

 

I figure, you're probably, what? 21? 22? and you've never even been on a date, or anything that could be misconstrued as a date? Have you ever even kissed a girl?

 

I'm not asking to make fun of you (though I might, it's unavoidable sometimes), but because I'm genuinely interested in your response.

[Firestarter 0]

Hey Mario, have you ever questioned your sexuality? I'm dead serious... I'm genuinely interested in your response.

...

 

I find this exchange very disturbing. Dames, make them get a room.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I'm trying to set Game up with someone. Don't fuck with my Chi.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Well..now that I think about it...that would be the coup de grace in terms of making Dames feel uncomfortable. Better than any spider...

 

Hey Logan...

 

How you doin'?

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

No, I have never kissed a girl.

 

I jokingly offered a prostitute money, and she turned me down stating that I may not even be human. I was not hurt, her brain is fired from Heroin, and her mother did that to while she was pregnant with her. Plus, the bitch looks alomost as bad as me, I should have hit her in the face with a wrench say I could stop saying I'm the ugliest person I know.

 

I can creep out anyone. I once made some girl see a green monster in High School (don't ask!)

 

A total nutcase was interested in me in High School, I ignored her until she dissapeared. Dharma & Greg re-runs bring back memories of her.

 

Why do you want to know how I'm doing?!

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Easy, big shooter, that was a test. You did good. Real good.

 

Believe it or not, Mario, you just might get laid yet. It'll take some doing, some blood, sweat, and tears (your own), self-sacrifice, and dedication.

 

Mario, I propose that you start Al Logan's Holy Quest For Clam.

 

The ONLY goal of this, is to get you ONE fumbling sexual experience, just ONE. Anyone can do it. Look at the people you see walking down the street...the married couples eating breakfast at the truckstop, the torrid love triangle at the local scuzzy factory, ANYONE can find someone to have sex with.

 

To complete this quest, Mario, you might have to plunge even further than your own inner abyss.

 

Are you willing to accept this?

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Easy, big shooter, that was a test. You did good. Real good.

 

Believe it or not, Mario, you just might get laid yet. It'll take some doing, some blood, sweat, and tears (your own), self-sacrifice, and dedication.

 

Mario, I propose that you start Al Logan's Holy Quest For Clam.

 

The ONLY goal of this, is to get you ONE fumbling sexual experience, just ONE. Anyone can do it. Look at the people you see walking down the street...the married couples eating breakfast at the truckstop, the torrid love triangle at the local scuzzy factory, ANYONE can find someone to have sex with.

 

To complete this quest, Mario, you might have to plunge even further than your own inner abyss.

 

Are you willing to accept this?

Inner Abyss?! Test?!

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Ok, good.

 

Step one. We need to find your angle. You're totally into all that ghey 80's glam shit, so you might as well go full bore. It's easily identifiable, and no one would forget it. Don't go the whole nine, as people would think you're just doing it for kicks, but definitely rock a rat tail or something, and get a denim jacket. Add a pair of shades, some pants that accentuate your ass, and a Van Halen shirt. Hit the local greasy dive/meat market, and work your magic. Drop a buck in the ol' juke box, and rock that place out. Girls, no matter how much they try to say they want a sweet sensitive guy, LOVE a rebellious rocker with a devil may care smile, and a go to hell attitude.

 

Don't seem too interested in them..flirt with the ugliest one. Tell me how it goes, man. Best of luck.

[Sandman9000 0]

If this experiment fails, I'm so next in line.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Work what magic?! If it involves knowing how to dance, then I'm fucked horribly. I can be sensitive at times. Plus, I'm balding at the age of 20.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I'm Receding at 22. Makes you look older, thus making you a target for the older dames in the joint, who, believe it or not, MAY be more desperate than you are. They're weatherbeaten by lousy marriages and criminal children. Wanting so badly to latch back on to the freedom of their youth. To these ladies, you must seem both mature, but naive all at once. She will be first attracted to your quirky youthful nature, then reeled in by the sensitive intellectual that lies beneath. Never give your age, just let her wonder, but know that she's older.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

I'm Receding at 22. Makes you look older, thus making you a target for the older dames in the joint, who, believe it or not, MAY be more desperate than you are. They're weatherbeaten by lousy marriages and criminal children. Wanting so badly to latch back on to the freedom of their youth. To these ladies, you must seem both mature, but naive all at once. She will be first attracted to your quirky youthful nature, then reeled in by the sensitive intellectual that lies beneath. Never give your age, just let her wonder, but know that she's older.

I'll think about this.

 

 

Thanks You!

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Here's the best part: They aren't going to want any sort of relationship with some young guy they met at the bar while drinking too much. That way, you don't have to compromise all the shit you normally do to accomodate another person in your life. It's free love, man. The quality might be cut-rate or worse, but think about it honestly...are you a catch? You need to take what you can get. It's a hard fuckin' reality to face, but one that's there just the same.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

In fact, your target is probably going to be in her early-mid 30's. She'll have one kid, probably, but that won't end up mattering to you. You'll probably never even meet the little anklebiter.

 

Here's why this matters to you: She grew up in the 80's.

 

Startin' to look better?

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Pros: Grew up in the 80's.

Cons: May remind me of my mother

Old

Maybe have one kid]

 

 

Hmmm...... Pros outwiegh cons.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Old and having a kid are just incidental. The longer a person lives, the higher the probability is that they will breed. This doesn't matter, Mario. There are no standards, and there are no excuses. You are going to stick your dick in something female. Preferably human.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

The first thing I'm going to do is stop taking fashion advice from Sammy Hagar and Scott Keith.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Well, you're half right. Scott Keith is a revolting blob that's always decked out in wrestling duds and sweatpants, I'd wager.

 

You need to harness the general denim attitude of 80's garb. Don't get any flashy colors, or spandex shit, because you're not a good looking dude. Hide under jeans and sunglasses. You'll look mysterious.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Well, you're half right. Scott Keith is a revolting blob that's always decked out in wrestling duds and sweatpants, I'd wager.

 

You need to harness the general denim attitude of 80's garb. Don't get any flashy colors, or spandex shit, because you're not a good looking dude. Hide under jeans and sunglasses. You'll look mysterious.

My current wardrobe:

 

Many, many t-shirts

Hiking boots

Pajama pants

Red sunglasses

A rolled up tube sock

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

No go. Especially with the sock. Your goal is to take your pants off later, not impress her with a random clothy bulge.

 

Flanagle twenty bucks somehow, and hit up a thrift store. I'll assume you have a pair of bluejeans at your disposal somehow. This leaves a jean jacket and cheap sunglasses. You've got to have at least one Van halen shirt that's in decent shape. Throw the cheap jacket over top of that, slip into the cheap sunglasses, and go find yourself a cheap date. Don't try anything fancy, just look for someone who's alone, and ask them if they would like a beer, or to shoot a game of pool.

 

This entire evening will end up costing you less than thirty dollars, accounting for gas and EVERYTHING, if you play your cards right.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Now I need another first step, getting a job. I'll handle that one later.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Irrelevant. You're on the internet, which means you have access to at least some spare cash for bar money. The jean jacket could be borrowed, most likely. Do you have any older siblings?

[Bruiser Chong 0]

The first post of this thread is so...sad. I understand having crushes on celebs and the like at a younger age, but to let that crush get any more extreme than that after you reach a certain age is pretty, well, odd. I can't imagine fawning all over Avril or lying awake at night, wondering if the stars will ever align so that Trish and I can be together.

[Ripper 0]

I don't know about the lying awake at night part, but I am completely convinced that I will one day fuck Mya and/or Nelly Furtado. That is my goal, and I will be damned if it is not met. I don't know how. I don't know when, but if the oppertunity presents itself, I will be there with 100% game on...

 

 

I will fuck one of those women. Unatainable my AYASS.