Ask Sigmund Freud!

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Hey, he could prescribe drugs over the Internet. He BILLS over the internet.

He better give me something that could make me forget my delusions, and make me into a more powerful God. My method of payment, my forgiveness.

[Guest The Pirate in White]

You know what would eb cool? Bills over the internet. Like you could download Eric Moulds, if you were bored.

 

You: "I'm bored, I wanna play catch"

 

Modem: "briiiiiiiiiing beep boop beep POW"

 

Drew Bledsoe: "All right man, let's go throw it around."

[notJames 0]

Boo-urns!!!

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

If I told you how I was getting money, you'd stop me from doing it.

 

I am a crafty psychiatrist.

You're wrong, a psychiatrist is a person with a medical doctorate, and can prescribe drugs. A psychologist is the person that actually works with these people, but can refer people to a psychiatrist. Your a fraud, Freud! Me You

Are you saying I'm not really Sigmund Freud? That, sir, is libelous!

[razazteca 0]

Why is Vince McMahon a preverted old man........is this a side effect to steroids?

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

HHH and Steph - love story for the ages, or divorce in under 5 years?

[Guest Retro Rob]

If I told you how I was getting money, you'd stop me from doing it.

 

I am a crafty psychiatrist.

You're wrong, a psychiatrist is a person with a medical doctorate, and can prescribe drugs. A psychologist is the person that actually works with these people, but can refer people to a psychiatrist. Your a fraud, Freud! Me You

How do you know he cannot prescribe drugs?

[The Metal Maniac 0]

Dr. Freud:

 

Are some of your more crackpot theories the result of your habitual cocaine use, or did you just throw shit at the wall until something stuck?

 

Also, would it have been considered a Freudian Slip if I had mis-spelled your name as "Fraud"?

[Guest Dr. Phil]

I just hope you people aren't listening to this malarky "Dr. Frued" is feeding you. I mean if a baboon told he liked cake would you believe him?

 

I can help you with you problems, just ask Oprah.

[The Metal Maniac 0]

I mean if a baboon told he liked cake would you believe him?

 

Well, yeah. Cake is good.

 

Besides, why would a baboon lie to me?

 

I think the more important questions are 1. Where did the baboon get the cake, and 2. why is it talking to me?

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

Why is Vince McMahon a preverted old man........is this a side effect to steroids?

Partly (with the negative effect of steroids on his penis causing him to look for ways to over-compensate to prove his manlyness, such as cavorting with nubile young ladies). But it has more to do with his ongoing Oedipus complex.

 

Look at it this way, who is the one person who Vince has been in competition with? His father. Why does he want to own the worlds biggest ever wrestling company? To prove he's better than his father. Why does he want to mess around with girls half his age? To prove he's better than his father. Text-book Oedipus complex.

 

On a side note, why do you think Shane is always doing massive bumps (and is closer to his mother) and why do you think the Steph always agrees with her dad? Vince and Linda should have just called them Oedipus and Elektra to save them some therapy bills in the future.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Freud, solve this mystery, why did I have a nightmare last night that David Lee Roth was going to get me?

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

HHH and Steph - love story for the ages, or divorce in under 5 years?

You have to ask what they see in each other. For HHH, a way to become the most powerful wrestler of all time. For Steph, a chance to finally fulfill her childhood fantasies of marrying the hunky captain of the football team. They are now in the dangerous postion of nearly completing these goals (and therefore running the course of their relationships) while knowing that if they split up, they won't have what they want. Of these two goals, Stephanies is likely to end soonest, as Hunter will probably stop being one of the biggest in the business (due to injuries or age) before Stephanie stops being a major player in the worlds most famous wrestling company. When this happens, I predict Steph will dump Hunter, and move onto some younger blood. Randy Orton beware!

 

So, to answer your question, divorce in about 5 years.

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

If I told you how I was getting money, you'd stop me from doing it.

 

I am a crafty psychiatrist.

You're wrong, a psychiatrist is a person with a medical doctorate, and can prescribe drugs. A psychologist is the person that actually works with these people, but can refer people to a psychiatrist. Your a fraud, Freud! Me You

How do you know he cannot prescribe drugs?

Exactly. I just haven't prescribed them to any of you yet. Damn junkies.

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

Dr. Freud:

 

Are some of your more crackpot theories the result of your habitual cocaine use, or did you just throw shit at the wall until something stuck?

 

Also, would it have been considered a Freudian Slip if I had mis-spelled your name as "Fraud"?

1) My theories into the human psyche are the result of many years of research into human behaviour, as well as trying to find an excuse for why I wanna fuck my mother. The cocaine was just an added perk.

 

2) No. You'd just be dyslexic, an idiot or both.

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

I just hope you people aren't listening to this malarky "Dr. Frued" is feeding you. I mean if a baboon told he liked cake would you believe him?

 

I can help you with you problems, just ask Oprah.

I>You

 

Why did you choose the curious example of a baboon and cake? The baboon is often associated with homosexuality (due to it's promnent posterior and gait) while a cake is often a symptom of ultimate temptation, often sexually. So, what you're really asking is "If a homosexual offered you great sex, would you fuck him?" The fact that you offer this queston as having an obviously negative answer suggests that you do not understand homosexuality, and are scared to embrace it. I would guess that you are scared by the fact that you sometimes find other men attractive Dr. Phil, but you must understand that everyone wants to have gay sex once in a while. Go suck a cock. You never know, you might like it.

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

I mean if a baboon told he liked cake would you believe him?

 

Well, yeah. Cake is good.

 

Besides, why would a baboon lie to me?

To get you into bed.

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

Freud, solve this mystery, why did I have a nightmare last night that David Lee Roth was going to get me?

Because, my friend, you are still immersed in a fantasy world. The people you dream about are the ones who you feel closest to you. A place where it is actually possible for Dave Lee Roth to come and chase you. You must understand that celebrities are not your friends. They're not gonna bump into you down the street and ask you to come to theirs for an orgy. They're not ever gonna talk to you outside of court. You have to make real, living friends. Ones that actually will talk to you. And people on the internet don't count. Maybe then you'll dream about them.

 

Either that, or he actually was stalking you and that wasn't a dream. LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!!

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Freud, solve this mystery, why did I have a nightmare last night that David Lee Roth was going to get me?

Because, my friend, you are still immersed in a fantasy world. The people you dream about are the ones who you feel closest to you. A place where it is actually possible for Dave Lee Roth to come and chase you. You must understand that celebrities are not your friends. They're not gonna bump into you down the street and ask you to come to theirs for an orgy. They're not ever gonna talk to you outside of court. You have to make real, living friends. Ones that actually will talk to you. And people on the internet don't count. Maybe then you'll dream about them.

 

Either that, or he actually was stalking you and that wasn't a dream. LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!!

I admit it was scary. I listened to all of his Van Halen work last night and watches his VH videos, I also thought of buying some of his solo work. To tell you the truth I never remember my dreams, this is a rare occassion, and plus I'm wearing assless pants right now!

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

and plus I'm wearing assless pants right now!

That is just fucked up on so many levels.

[Guest The Grand Pubah of 1620]

and plus I'm wearing assless pants right now!

That is just fucked up on so many levels.

Damn! Just when I am convinced you are an idiot you go and pull some of that medical terminology out on me and completely change my mind!

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

and plus I'm wearing assless pants right now!

That is just fucked up on so many levels.

Damn! Just when I am convinced you are an idiot you go and pull some of that medical terminology out on me and completely change my mind!

You really need a good fucking.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Hey, Sigmund. I'm thinking of giving up on question marks. Do you think this is a good idea.

[Guest Choken One]

Hello, Mr. Freud

 

Am I still having issues about a situation that happened with a certain Lesbian Cousin?

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

Hey, Sigmund. I'm thinking of giving up on question marks. Do you think this is a good idea.

Why would you want to do that? Question marks are what define our natural intuitiveness and is the benchmark of all conversations. If you eliminate question marks, then you eliminate all two way contact between yourself and those around you. Why would you want to do this unless you were insecure about your personality and want to take the pre-emptive action of ruling yourself out of conversations before others do so themselves.

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

Hello, Mr. Freud

 

Am I still having issues about a situation that happened with a certain Lesbian Cousin?

You should let go of what happened in your past and move on. This relationship with your lesbian cousin was unique in that it encompassed at least two sexual taboos simultaneously. While such things are thrilling at the time, the novelty quickly grows old and you would be better served concentrating on a more normal relationship.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Hey, Sigmund. I'm thinking of giving up on question marks. Do you think this is a good idea.

Why would you want to do that? Question marks are what define our natural intuitiveness and is the benchmark of all conversations. If you eliminate question marks, then you eliminate all two way contact between yourself and those around you. Why would you want to do this unless you were insecure about your personality and want to take the pre-emptive action of ruling yourself out of conversations before others do so themselves.

I want everything I say to be a challenge to people. I want to make them think. When I eliminate question marks, they're forced to reconsider my words, their intent, their meaning, etc.

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

Good evening Dr. Freud, 2 part question here.

 

 

Why is my avatar picture the greatest thing in the history of the universe, and why does it have such an incredible hold over my soul?

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

Hey, Sigmund. I'm thinking of giving up on question marks. Do you think this is a good idea.

Why would you want to do that? Question marks are what define our natural intuitiveness and is the benchmark of all conversations. If you eliminate question marks, then you eliminate all two way contact between yourself and those around you. Why would you want to do this unless you were insecure about your personality and want to take the pre-emptive action of ruling yourself out of conversations before others do so themselves.

I want everything I say to be a challenge to people. I want to make them think. When I eliminate question marks, they're forced to reconsider my words, their intent, their meaning, etc.

Exactly. By doing this you are eliminating the possibility of a conversation taking place. You aren't allowing a conversation to flow: instead of ending your spiel with a question for the other person to answer you are stiffling the conversation between the two of you before they can reject you.

 

Get confident, stupid!

[Guest Sigmund Freud]

Good evening Dr. Freud, 2 part question here.

 

 

Why is my avatar picture the greatest thing in the history of the universe, and why does it have such an incredible hold over my soul?

It looks like a giant cock on legs, man! That's every mans fantasy, the thing they have secretly searched for since the first day they saw their fathers penis.

 

Have you ever wondered why such a phallic symbol is so much more revered by the men than the women of the board? Because men love the cock more than women.