Smarkdizzown Commizzents

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

As King says, the plethora of promos is definitely a good thing here as we roll into Genesis, and on the match side of things -- I intend on reading both Judge and Ejiro's versions of the Main Event.

 

Now, hopefully by "card up shortly" King DID mean shortly... but until then.... comment people. COMMENT!

 

EDIT: Woah, he did mean shortly.

[Secret Agent 0]

I fine show it was! I'd like any comments on my match if I could. it's been some time since I wrote one of these, and I'm probably rusty as all get out.

 

Thanks!

 

EDIT: Sometimes I wish WWE shows were this good. If I got something like this show at the Ford Center from WWE, it would be unbelievable. The return of Grand Slam, Justice Vs Rule, Flesher/Double Jepoardy Vs TBS/ Trinity... Anyway you get the point. I would actually go everytime they came here, which isn't all too often anyway.

Edited September 9, 2003 by Secret Agent

[Crowe 0]

CIA vs Crow

 

Double no-show Let's say for storyline's sake that they were eaten by wild boars.

 

I bumped like a bitch for those wild boars.

[TheBostonStrangler 0]

That was a pretty kickass show, IMO. Double no-show aside, things looked very good, all the promos were a lot of fun, and things are building nicely to Genesis. Now it's I Quit time.

[Kaertos 0]

As a note, while reading the show this morning I noticed a ton of typos and grammatical errors in my promo. Thus I have edited it and added in a few things that I missed while finishing it up yesterday. Call it the promo "Special Edition".

[Above Average 0]

I'll go over the running threads of the show. If you want in depth comments on your matches people, I'll get to them, more than likey if you ask, but it's fairly disapointing to see all these short comments when we should be getting hype for Genesis. I know we don't have Edwin, Wilson, Frost and most of the other people that were comment machines active, but damn, can we get a little more than the standard, it was a good overall show.

 

I'll start with the Craven promo. There wasn't much done for something feud-wise, because Craven's just treading water until a Finals match. I'm not sure that anybody knows exactly why Craven wants to be the World champion, though. We all know you want the belt, because people don't respect you, but why do you want to prove them wrong? Give Craven something internal to deal with, cause he needs cracks in his 'armor'. There's no emotion like that 'shoot' promo against Kibagami and me. It had emotion and there was a real confidence in it. It didn't work out the greatest possible way, but I felt something from the promo, unlike you're last few. Maybe Craven, going into a possible match with Judge, should realize that he's lost to this man mutliple times and show some real emotion. Not just the cookie cutter 'I'm going to be the best. Hear me rant.' Thats why people like Edwin, Silent and Wilson's promos so much, real emotion.

 

Duran/WC, which I think has been very well set-up. It makes complete sense in the context of the Ejiro/Dub Cee stuff. Ejiro feels that the Hardcore title is counter productive and offers Wildchild to Duran. Simple, effective, with real logical emotion and it'll probably lead to a title change. This was well handled in WC's title defense. I like Duran as the Hardcore champ, but what he needs is an opponent for Genesis, with the belt on the line. Who that is, I don't know.

 

The Sacred stuff concerns me and therefore I don't feel the need to talk about it. But Johnny is starting to look very strong. A few more promos and the like, should really help him out, but he's doing a fantastic job building himself up.

 

The return of Grand Slam was expected, but I'll be the first to admit you guys worked me last show. The progression has been well handled and paced. I still would love to see a throwback to one of the old moments in carnie history, but thats just me. Valid questions are brought up about Thugg and Stevens. If they just get along, I think that'll take away from the angle, cause, just because they're both faces doesn't mean they should like eachother. Thugg and Stevens have there history and that absolutely needs to be brought up and settled.

 

The main event had a nice vibe to it. The shock being, who the R. Kelly wanna be is. I have thoughts on this, and I hope this leads somewhere nice. This completely reminds me of the Kane debut, but what I'd have liked to see is Thugg's reaction to this large black man. I guess I'll have to wait.

[Guest Evolution]

As always, I would appreciate any comments on my match.

 

Known issues with my match:

 

-- 3500 words was a little low for my standards, not a lot of action in the match because writing for the SWF has led me to use a lot of description.

 

-- The finish is very rushed, simply because I just ran out of words at the end.

 

Other than that, I think it was the best hardcore match I've ever written, even though it's only the third I've written in the SJL and SWF combined.

[Secret Agent 0]

Mak, I'd like some on mine, please.

[Rawknight 0]

and the six man Mak.. ya didn't even mention it... OR the promo for that matter

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

I loved the Boston Trinity promo. It was, like, 25 words and lots of yelling. It don't get much better.

 

I heaped some tasty praise on the six-man in the losing matches thread. All in all it was a great non-stop run that, above all things, really let Va'aiga shine through. A great return to action for that character. I also really liked all the coordinated team attacks for the faces; we always see the heels double-teaming, but it was cool to see the linked punches/elbows and really fun to get the Decapitator/Boston Massacre simultaneously. I also very much liked the use of Flesher as sort of Heel Team Leader, taking charge of the tags and eventually getting his comeuppance for all that with the Southie Slam and Boston Massacre. Everyone looked pretty strong throughout and it makes me very much want to see the respective title matches between the teams and world title dudes. The writing itself was a little sloppy at points, but typos aside you guys pulled it together very nicely and wrote a strong match.

 

Promos were awesome. Mak/Sacred and Johnny/Mak really got me hyped for those, and I think we're gonna get an incredible ICTV match at the PPV if the Franchise holds on against JD.

 

The extra stuff to further set up WC/Duran is great, and something I'd like to see more of--promos over one or two shows to set up a one-off match, not really a feud but just as something a bit different from random booking. Just these characters' involvements in the promo and later in the HGC match has me eager.

 

The Thugg/King stuff continued to be interesting, and the return of Mark (yay!) really drove home where the angle is going. With the match for the commissioner's position now set at the PPV, we're gonna get some good stuff out of this. Fun veteran madness keeps my clock tickin', and I think the guys have done a pretty good job making the issues current while not ignoring history.

 

Also, it's not really a promo, but the giant black guy running in after the main event seems storylinealicious. I thought it was Bo but then the commentary actively said "wait, not Bo," so I want to see where this ends up. Zing.

 

All in all, a show that gave me a really good feeling. Good storylines, good matches--good stuff.

[Secret Agent 0]

Edwin, I'll give you a dollar if you tear into my match.

[Guest Goodear]

Johnny D vs. Mak

 

Well we start off with some wacky analogies like "If the crowd hatred could be transformed into the heat wave that you would see coming off the tail end of a jet engine" that are maybe just a hair too far down analogy pike. I like that you don't just say that the crowd booed Johnny D but it seems as though you're taking it a little too far and it somewhat jars the reader out of reading bliss. You sort of read along and pause for a second when you see these. So dial it back just a step and you should be golden.

 

Plus you slid back into past tense... and while it doesn't bother me per say, I know it annoys some people so I thought I would mention it.

 

If I were you I would have taken a much more deliberate pace to the start of the match. Rather than having Johnny just out strike Mak (which should happen) I might have had Johnny slow things down a bit more. Like have him counter a punch, strike back and then stall while calling Mak to come get him some more. I'm thinking specifically of the Stan Lane-Tracy Smothers martial arts showdown from The Great American Bash... '88? The one where Sting beat Flair. Anyway, thats more of a suggestion than a crtique of what you did.

 

Mak's first flurry is handled pretty well as Johnny didn't have him in all that much trouble that Dangerous could take a time out to jaw with the crowd without Francis coming back. You do a very good job of pacing face comebacks since it commonly plays to your strengths in making punches sound like death.

 

Johnny's comeback out of the fiugure four was good as well as it play's up Mak's own weaknesses and lends itself to logical storytelling. If I were you though, I wouldn't use a palm strike to hit someone in the knee. That really doesn't ring very true in my head and I think kust repeated pummeling to the knee with fists would work better.

 

You then go right to your finish which made it look like you ran out of words and had to get this thing down which is entirely possible. But I think you need to have Mak at least throw a clothesline or kick at Johnny to sidestep and hit the full nelson slam. The way its written, it seems too sudden and a little out of no where in a bad way... It feels like say Triple H kicking out of a pinfall, picking the other guy up and hitting the pedigree if you get what I'm saying.

 

Hope this helps.

[Guest Goodear]

John Duran vs. Annie Eclectic

 

Comet: "Things do not look good for the heroine in this match."

 

Riley: "Well, that'll teach Annie to stay off the drugs."

 

This Pun = OWN. Of course, I have an incredibly weird sense of humor.

 

I really like the start of the match with Annie shocking Duran with some strikes. It plays off well that John doesn't know just how tough Annie is since he's never faced her before and since she isn't Frost size or anything. The quick transition with the clothesline after she gets the chair shows that Duran has already learned his lesson which is a good move.

 

And like you mentioned, the pace of the match is fast due to word count restrictions and although I would like more selling of the spear into the ring steps I can totally see why its not there. You make up for that though with the continuous working over Annie's ribs in a manner that hurts them in this contest without betraying John's lack of scouting that you showed in the first segment of the match.

 

I really liked this match despite the rocket in your pocket speed as far as stringing the moves together in a fun and appropriate order. Selling obviously needs some improvement but I think that'll come as you move up the card and get longer matches to work. Good stuff regardless.

 

One other thing you might want to consider is giving John a little more personality as he seems a little stiff at the moment as far as interaction with the crowd or the camera. Although I like the idea of him being so fearless that he'll even dress down King like he did in the promo you wrote. Work on translating that to your matches and KAPOW good stuff.

[Rawknight 0]

Ejiro's comments = coolness

 

Of course that's OOC... don't expect that to save you!

[Guest Goodear]

Dace, Va'aiga, TBS vs. Tom and Double Jeopardy

 

The match starts off fast anf furious with Va'aiga and Quiz throwing stuff at each other like mad in a way that leads my to think that a ECW stand off is coming. But instead the sequnce has a resolution as Va'aiga hits the flapjack and I think I perfer this ending instead.

 

I'm not sure I enjoyed the Show comes in and Quiz hits a DDT and Dace no sells it quite so much. I think you would have been better served to have a little more descriptive wording in that sequence as you seem to be making Dace an honorary Samoan as he is just standing right back up after a DDT. I would have had Quiz sort of strut a little bit myself and just have Night up faster than expected rather than immediately.

 

The beat down on TBS works a bit better as Quiz comes in for a moonsault and then immediately bails because he knows that he can't go toe-to-toe with Strangler. Flesher on the other hand can do his thing regardless of his opponents and starts trying to pin TBS anyway he can with a schoolboy. The German and Ego Trip also get this over and it is rather obvious that the Trip would have been all if this was a singles match... but whilke at the same time, the Trip has always struck me as a move that would put someone down for three but not knock them out so I can see the rally coming from TBS just fine.

 

Va’aiga steps through the ropes with a grin the size of New Zealand itself on his face, rushing Quiz and flipping the cruiserweight through 360 degrees with the HURTFUL, VENGEFUL, POWERFUL, YOU JUST TOOK MY TITLE BIYATCH AND THIS IS PAYBACKFUL, CALL CHARLES MANSON YOU’D BE SAFER IN HIS COMPANYFUL LAAAAAAARRRRRRRIIIIIAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH

 

You make me smile.

 

The finishing flurry had a really fun feel to it as TBS got over on Tom while not beating him while The Trinity continues to get the Decapitator over until the day Justice and Rule counter it A really nice ands satisfying match I feel and so should you.

 

I think I'm all commented out.

[Above Average 0]

Edit: Card's promo is filled with bumping of the chests and screaming, which is always good. I can't wait till Drew gets back and I can write your character again. The stuff I wrote for the tag title match, was fun ands just came off as energetic.

 

Ejiro, you own. You wrote the review for Johnny's match just before I started. And Edwin handled the six man already, so, I go on to the MAIN EVENT~!

 

Judge vs. Ejiro

 

I'll start by saying that one thing I really don't like about this match is how you turned Ejiro face/tweener. I know that heel vs. heel is difficult, but there is no way that the annoucers should show sympathy, for a guy who should be trying to out cheat his opponent. That seems very wrong. Judge does all of the cheating after the beginning, going so far as to use Ejiro's on device on him, which is good, but where are his discrete knee strikes to the nads, to show he can steal from Judge as well.

 

The tone was set with the double cheat, in the beginning, off the hand shake. Judge works the leg and Ejiro works the arm/shoulder. So we have some consistent psych and an internal storyline going. And excellent start. The mat work establishes parity, because they're tag partners and should know each other. All that was missing was a nice pin exchange sequence. Not that that couldn't come up later in the match and still be very effective. It must be there though, because I love them!

 

Ejiro goes to a school boy near the ropes... and doesn't hook the tight or attempt to use the ropes for leverage. This is what started me on that first paragraph, when I was reading. In Jericho/Christian, which could be considered a template for this match, they both cheated on any opportunity. I know the match didn't happen until after this one was turned in, but I mentioned it for future reference, since you may run into another heel vs. heel.

 

Reverse elbow gets two with Ejiro going into ground and pound mode, briefly, and going back to the shoulder. Judge counters and you flow into a half crab, with head stompin' for good measure. Cool. I'd have liked to see a strike from Judge here as that transition, is difficult to see. Normally out of a flash roll up, the person getting pinned is the first to their feet. Judge needs an attack to show that the momentum has shifted in his favor. It doesn't have to be a big one, but one needs to be there. The point of flash pins are that they surprise an opponent that's in control, allowing for a hope spot, but also allowing the person in control to reassert themselves, directly after the attack. That's why faces use them a lot more than heels, unless they're cheating.

 

Ejiro out striking Judge to get control back is the correct way to go. The cross armbreaker/reverse cross armbreaker, is nifty in my book and ties moves together. Jackknife pin out of the Moneymaker is nice, but you need to give more explaination of what the cross examination is, if they didn't look at your stats. Screaming elbow comes back and is appropiately dodges since it's been hit early in the match. Finisher trade spot is well done, if lacking some long term affects, since they don't go along with Judge's leg work. But they definitely set-up the finish, which I didn't notice on the first read. Delayed pins were definitely good.

 

Ref bump, cheating, and the kick-out all make sense and are well executed, putting over Ejiro's heart. Real emotion with both guys saying stay down, and the like. Aha, I retract my earlier statement about the tights, because you use it late in the match. I missed a lot of stuff on the first read (re. I was getting lazy, reading wise). The finishing sequence was excellent, and oddly, reminds me of Spike Jenkins vs. Judge in the JL, from Spike's match... since I helped him work out that spot, but his involved Reno's roll the dice, IIRC. This is just a great finishing flurry.

 

The counters leading up to it make sense, with Judge trying to end it with his Tombstone, which is his money move and it may seem a little odd that Ejiro wouldn't go for a submission, to some people, after all the work on the arm/shoulder, but in that position the easiest move to transition to is THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD #2~! The Money maker worked the neck, the leg came back, although Judge's arm/shoulder didn't. Maybe if you put over the reason Ejiro got out of the Tombstone as Judge's arm... and I would have loved to see a big time delay after the mid air diamond cutter was hit, because of the shoulder... then I would have just bowed down and laid forth the praise like your name was Vida Guerra and I was complementing you on your ass. A delayed pinfall after a huge finish like that doesn't hurt Ejiro at all and maintains long term selling, which you did throughout the match, with lariats and the like... only to forget about putting it in the finish. *Cries* That's worth taking away half a snowflake at least.

 

After stuff was already covered, as I wonder who that big fella is, and the gang stays together... this reminds me of Flesher jobbing me out for the ICTV belt. *laughs at the irony of at least tying his record*. At least you guys are staying together, with this big guy killing both of you, as to help with Ejiro getting over the loss. Poor East Coast Legacy...

 

It was great. You know this. The people know this and the little things were, for the most part, well accounted for. I caught a lot of things on the second read through, that I didn't originally, and I don't feel like deleting what I said, so there. And to find one more thing wrong with the match...

 

 

IT'S MISSING THE PIN TRADE SEQUENCE DAMNIT!

 

 

There are your Franchisable comments, so don't no-sell them bitch.

Edited September 10, 2003 by kelloggs

[Guest Evolution]

NOTE: I haven't even been in the SWF for a month. If I criticize your match in any way, do not take it at face value. Ask your marker before believing any bad criticism I give you. I'm just commenting on this match to justify the fact I beg for comments almost every show.

 

"The Franchise" Mak Francis vs. "The Barracuda" Johnny Dangerous

 

Comments

 

-- First things first, I see that this match is written in past tense. Two words: Oy gevalt. This interrupts any flow that this show could have, as it just puts me off right away. However, I'm willing to work through it and provide comments. Honestly.

 

-- I believe I missed some kind of reference here when Comet smacks Bobby in the head. It's these kind of references that I'm sure make the match somewhat funnier, but for newer people who might not understand it, it's out of our hands.

 

-- Johnny coming out to "I'm Too Sexy" is GOLD. It's the kind of stuff you'd expect from Grappler's run in the JL, except that he's actually taking it SERIOUSLY (I think).

 

-- There's an "h" in Franchise. Just so you know.

 

-- I was never really a big fan of talking between wrestlers unless a microphone is involved. This is just the way I write, but if it isn't yelled, I'm not going to write it into my match. Maybe I'm one of a choice few that do that, but that's just me.

 

-- Throughout the match, it feels like I'm watching an episode of Batman. There's just so many onomatopoeias in the match, in my opinion, more than there should be. Unless your writing style is intending to focus on such things as this, which I wouldn’t know, it’d be nice to see less of it.

 

-- Speaking of Batman: Holy similes, Batman! In a way, you are supposed to keep the match entertaining, at least in the beginning, but I think some of the lines, such as "worthless as a free pass to Gigli," just make it seem that JR is writing the match. Once again, I might be in a minority about this, but I just get put off by those kind of things.

 

-- After the Guillotine Face Driver, Mak is BARELY able to kick out before the count of three. Maybe that was a little premature, I would've appreciated a full 2 count or maybe a kick out just before two.

 

-- That first pinfall leads into what seems like an ego boost for Johnny, and it seems like he's being put over bigtime with the amount of heel heat that he is getting. But perhaps that's just because Mak can't interact with Johnny after being on the mat. Whatever.

 

-- "Uh... what’s a Skrull?” I concur. What is this, an episode of Family Guy?

 

-- I liked the knee smash to the mat followed by the Single Leg Crab.

 

-- Hmm. I thought that the "Riley Is Gay" joke has been played out? Oh well, nothing to get my panties in a bunch over.

 

-- It's good to finally see that the match is finally putting over Mak as being the stereotype person who won't quit. And it's Mak against a guy who comes out to Right Said Fred, so that makes it all the more important that he doesn't give up the match to Johnny.

 

-- "Hidden Agenda"? Am I the only one who senses a Craig David reference?

 

-- Eh. There wasn't a whole lot of action in that match. There was just a lot of crazy references and similes and in the end, I didn't even know the Hidden Agenda was Johnny Dangerous' finisher. I guess I should look at the stat pages more often.

 

-- I don't know what's going on with Sacred or anything like that, so I'll just nod my head and agree with it.

 

Overall: The match seemed very descriptive, but it also seemed like I was reading a match that had been joined in progress, with the close two counts right at the start of the match. It's possible you were limited by the word count, but it's hard to say. I think it could've been better, but I suppose it introduced us again to the Secret Agent.

 

Once again, to whoever wrote this match, don't take it the wrong way, I'm an SWF newbie just shooting off the hip. Thank you.

[Secret Agent 0]

Well, Thankyee Kindly!

 

To answer some of your things, Duran:

 

-- First things first, I see that this match is written in past tense. Two words: Oy gevalt. This interrupts any flow that this show could have, as it just puts me off right away. However, I'm willing to work through it and provide comments. Honestly.

 

I have been doing a ton of reading lately, and all the books were written in past tense, so I guess it kind of rubbed off. Plus, I wrote my "The Wrestling Identity" in the past tense, and it seemed to go over pretty well, so I wanted to try it out in the match writting department.

 

Comet smacked Bobby Riley in the head for saying that "Oklahoma City was a nice place... "As long as nobody drove a yellow Ryder truck into the arena." It's a slam on Oklahoma basically, talking about the bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building where a Yellow Ryder truck filled with explosives was used. Since I live in Oklahoma City, and actually lived through that, I figured I could get away with mocking it.

 

I wonder if anyone got my Michael J. Fox line.

 

A Skrull is an alien shapeshifter from the Marvel Comics Universe. I guess I should take out the super hero referances as nobody but me, or possibly Ejiro would get them. Also, I was just trying out that finishing move to see if anyone liked it. I asked dace about it and he said he never saw it done before, so I *thought* I created a finishing sequence. Hince, I wanted to use it. I'll stick it in rare moves.

 

Thanks for the comments, Duran.

 

Ejiro, thank you too, and yes It was only a 4000 word match.

 

 

edit by Grand Slam - I loved the skrull comment. Cracked me up actually. The Ryder Truck thing was a bit much though...

Edited September 10, 2003 by Grand Slam

[Guest Evolution]

I have been doing a ton of reading lately, and all the books were written in past tense, so I guess it kind of rubbed off. Plus, I wrote my "The Wrestling Identity" in the past tense, and it seemed to go over pretty well, so I wanted to try it out in the match writting department.

I don't think there is any problem with writing an out-of-show promo in past tense, I just thought that since most people write in the present tense during the show, it interrupts the flow.

 

Perhaps I'm wrong, though.

[Above Average 0]

With all the matches reviewed, how about the people who were, you know, actually involved in said matches, respond to the comments. Explain to Ejiro what you were going for with your match. Did he cover everything you wanted? Respond to the things I brought up about the main event, and if I saw things correctly, even if it isn't your match. Did I miss some things you were trying to include, if it was? Did I read too much into others? Ask Edwin about his thought on the storyline aspects of the fed, then give your opinion on some promos in-depth. You can ask about his love for AWK, but just comment, beyond asking for a review. It's supposed to be a back and forth thing, not a somebody posts, everyone reads and doesn't respond thing. Why bother with this if I won't learn something from this either? It's not like our comments are the be all, end all, of everything. I'm no wrestling deity that understands every transition possible, or moment of psychology. I'd like to understand more about the different matches you guys wrote, and what your motives are. I'm sure something was thought provoking enough for a disscussion... I'm glad some people commented. Now, Smarkdown's still sitting there for more to do the same.

 

/end o' harsh but probably fruitless rant

[Rawknight 0]

OK then.. what I was aiming for in my match half (in most trinity matches I write the second half)

 

The heat was on TBS (cos he didn't get his first bit of the match to us we switched plans, originally Va'aiga was gonna take the ehat and TBS the hot tag. This is NOT TBS' fault.. I blame the odd and occasionally dodgy as hell PM system btw.

 

The Ego Trip with a break and TWO nearfals off it is designed to put ovcer Tom's finisher. I did the same with Crow/Dante's Superkick Started Ethereal suplex.

 

Tom cheating to get some extra licks in on TBS and then tagging back in so HE could pin Strangler was playing off Tom's cockyness. The Southie Slam Ego Trip reversal spot is something that's a VERY COOL spot, and the perfect thing to set up the hot tag chase.

 

The lariat is now DEFINATELY my #2 move below the Maori Drop. I keep making it streonger, cos it's fun

 

The Suplexing Show onto Quiz spot was my fave in the match, dumping a 300lber on top of a 180lber would HAVE to hurt.

 

Va'aiga and Dace being able to hit double teams comes from TBS taking the heat section, that left bnoth the Trinity fresh. Dace joining in on the booyah punch combo came to me in a flash as a good idea, and i've been waiting for ages to bust out the double spear. Dace specifically asked that he Yakuza kick Tom as part of the finish.

 

TBS taking out Tom at the same time as the Decapitator was a general idea from all three to have both fueds seperate as part of the finish

 

Moves that missed the cut included a TRIPLE chokeslam on Quiz, and a possible triple finish with Dace hitting a Press Slam Black Nova (Sean O'Haire's Cruel Intentions/Widowmaker/The Prophecy) Va'aiga hitting a press slam Maori Drop (just like Bill Goldberg's) and TBS hitting the Boston Massacre which is a press slam DVD. This would look cool cos it'd be triple presses into a move that goes lieft, a move that goes forward and a move that goes right, but I REALLY wanted another team to fall to the Decapitator.

 

There.. that's what i was angling for Dace's no selling.. you'd have to ask HIM about.

[Guest Suicide King]

I caught the Skrull reference too. That's two members of CC so how bad could it be?

 

Yeah, that Ryder truck thing was questionable. If we had a show in New York I hope you wouldn't mention crashing plane into buildings, boyo.

 

Anyway, about the show. I'd have to say that I was very pleased-

 

Wait, sorry. I'm on vacation.

 

I'd have to say that it was very enjoyable. Lots of good matches with some really solid exchanges that I enjoyed, and I'd have to say that there wree some exceptional promos. My favorite? No, none of the ones with me in it. I have always been a big fan of the "pre-match pump up promo." Doesn't advance the plot, doesn't really forward any ::makes finger quotations:: crucial character aspects, but just a good little piece showing bad asses being all bad assed.

 

Is bad assed a word?

[Secret Agent 0]

What the heck, Mak? I thought I just did respond to the disection of my match.

 

If you want me to comment then ok:

 

Wildchild promo - I liked this. It was very direct and brief. The only the missing was a DUN-DUN-DUNNNN!!!

 

Thugg/King/Stevens

 

I'll just comment on the entire series of promos for this. First off, I have enjoyed most of the storyline that has been building for several shows now, but was starting to wonder when Grand Slam would come back in. He dissapeared after Ground Zero(I think) and we haven't heard a peep since.

 

The build through the show is nice with King promising that tonight is the night H-Ville Thugg surrenders to him, and then wrestlers pleading with him not to sign dem papers! Why can't any of them go out there and make a stand against King themselves?? They have 2 working legs, and arms. I don't know, but I think I would have liked to see a bit more wrestler interaction. I also know there has been a title tournament going on, but King rounding up his loyal followers to take on Thugg's rebellion would have been fun to see. I see a little bit of it with Flesher/TBS but not too much more.

 

Anyway, the next part, written by Grand Slam I think... was a pretty good read. It was about damn time Grand Slam returned! However, what strikes me as rather odd IS how he came back. King got Lynn fired from her job, canceled Bases Loaded development deal, fired Grand Slam, and Stevens came back because he bought some stock....

 

Now maybe I have forgotten the charater of "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens, but WHY did he not just beat the holy hell out of King for all that? He had nothing else to loose job wise, so why wait until he could round up some stocks and join up with Thugg.

 

Also, I think you guys could have stretched out the war between King/Stevens a few more shows before making the Genesis challenge for the SWF Commish spot. King seemed to spit that challenge out rather easily.

 

Now, I know all three of you are mods so please don't ban me for all that. That's just what I was thinking after reading all of that.

 

Wheew: more to come after a breather!

[Above Average 0]

Va'aiga and Dace being able to hit double teams comes from TBS taking the heat section, that left bnoth the Trinity fresh. Dace joining in on the booyah punch combo came to me in a flash as a good idea, and i've been waiting for ages to bust out the double spear. Dace specifically asked that he Yakuza kick Tom as part of the finish.

 

TBS taking out Tom at the same time as the Decapitator was a general idea from all three to have both fueds seperate as part of the finish

 

Moves that missed the cut included a TRIPLE chokeslam on Quiz, and a possible triple finish with Dace hitting a Press Slam Black Nova (Sean O'Haire's Cruel Intentions/Widowmaker/The Prophecy) Va'aiga hitting a press slam Maori Drop (just like Bill Goldberg's) and TBS hitting the Boston Massacre which is a press slam DVD. This would look cool cos it'd be triple presses into a move that goes lieft, a move that goes forward and a move that goes right, but I REALLY wanted another team to fall to the Decapitator.

 

There.. that's what i was angling for Dace's no selling.. you'd have to ask HIM about.

Card. See now thats awesome. I personally, would have dug the Press slam trifecta. That just sounds like an awesome spot visually, but I think you made the correct choice taking Quiz/Show down with the decapitator. It shows that the heel champs can get hit by this move and if they do, it's over. And thanks for actually explaining the heat, it was very informative. It did seem a bit disjointed, like you guys meant to do something else.

 

And Johnny, if you'll notice, I said some people did comment and I appreciated it. You did that, so thank you, but others did not. I just realized nobody was going to step up and actually tell people to comment. I talked about this with Z last night and quite frankly somebody needed to say it's okay to comment. In fact, that people should comment. And if I took that idea and stated it harshly, I'm sorry, but I got you (again) and Va'aiga AND King (don't know if he was alreasy going to do it) to comment. And I learned something from a guy that has MUCH more wrestling knowledge than me.

 

Mission accomplished, almost. Now I get to respond to what you thought and hopefully Thugg and Stevens will chime in, with their thoughts.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

With all the matches reviewed, how about the people who were, you know, actually involved in said matches, respond to the comments. Explain to Ejiro what you were going for with your match. Did he cover everything you wanted? Respond to the things I brought up about the main event, and if I saw things correctly, even if it isn't your match. Did I miss some things you were trying to include, if it was? Did I read too much into others? Ask Edwin about his thought on the storyline aspects of the fed, then give your opinion on some promos in-depth. You can ask about his love for AWK, but just comment, beyond asking for a review. It's supposed to be a back and forth thing, not a somebody posts, everyone reads and doesn't respond thing. Why bother with this if I won't learn something from this either? It's not like our comments are the be all, end all, of everything. I'm no wrestling deity that understands every transition possible, or moment of psychology. I'd like to understand more about the different matches you guys wrote, and what your motives are. I'm sure something was thought provoking enough for a disscussion... I'm glad some people commented. Now, Smarkdown's still sitting there for more to do the same.

 

/end o' harsh but probably fruitless rant

If someone feels like commenting on my match, I'll do my best to respond.

[Secret Agent 0]

I liked it, WC. I can get in more depth if you prefer.

[Dace59 0]

I will unfortunatly admit to liking putting in the odd bit of no selling here and there for small moves. I just need to work on the description a bit to hide the fact it's no selling.

 

As for the littel bit at the start Ejiro talked about. It did turn out like an ECW style opening spot, but that's just my writing. This was not the sort of match or opponents when an indy applause stance was going to get used.

 

Dace Yakuza Kicking Flesher comes from us both using it as big strikes, and him making a run in with a Yakuza Kick on TBS earlier in the match.

[HVilleThugg 0]

I'll get my respond on...

 

The build through the show is nice with King promising that tonight is the night H-Ville Thugg surrenders to him, and then wrestlers pleading with him not to sign dem papers! Why can't any of them go out there and make a stand against King themselves?? They have 2 working legs, and arms. I don't know, but I think I would have liked to see a bit more wrestler interaction. I also know there has been a title tournament going on, but King rounding up his loyal followers to take on Thugg's rebellion would have been fun to see. I see a little bit of it with Flesher/TBS but not too much more.

 

Why don't the wrestlers go challenge King themselves?? Well, then we wouldn't have a story with Grand Slam, King, and Thugg... We haven't really mentioned it much, although I did a few shows ago when Thugg came back...no one wants to lose their job. Personally...I think that's pretty weak because wrestlers attack commishes all the time...however, we always tend to use certain things that are convenient for the angle. For this angle, it was convenient for everyone, except Strangler probably, to be afraid to lose their jobs. It's the same reason King banned employees from owning stock, even though in the real world, that's totally illegal. That was a little far (mainly because I didn't know it was illegal), but still...it's convenient for the angle, so I use it.

 

I would have liked to have written more interaction with the wrestlers...but the problem with that was mainly time. The timeline for the show wasn't mapped out until a couple days before it was to air...and I wanted until the last minute due to other obligations. Also, I didn't really have permission to use Strangler, Mak or Annie in that promo, so I had to do as little as possible with them in case they were doing something else in the show. Sorry about that y'all...hope it's all good. If I'd had time to write a proper segment, there would have been WAY more interaction.

 

Originally, we did kind of plan for both sides to gather up their army...but time didn't allow it as much as we thought it would. As you see, we've only got 3 shows till Genesis, and Mark JUST came back. Given that time is somewhat short, we couldn't go into as much depth as we wanted to...but if you look, it's there a bit. Obviously, THugg has his army, with all those that joined him in the parking lot...with Strangler being the obvious battle leader and closest with Thugg. King has his as well...with Fasaki and Judge pledging their allegence a few shows back and Johnny D. helping out with his attack on Thugg. So, it's there on some level. The other issue with having armies was that we, as CC and as a group, didn't want to tie up too many active wrestlers in an angle that focused on us non-active personalities...make sense? Mark, King, and I are the focus of the angle...so we didn't wanna tie up 7-10 active writers in this when they can be focusing on their own angles and title shots and such. I know we could have made mini angles out of it as well...but it still remains that the entire angle would be revolved around non-active competitors, which isn't fair to all of the people who work hard in this fed. All three of us were against taking a ton of people and having them play out this angle with us as the focal point.

 

Anyway, the next part, written by Grand Slam I think... was a pretty good read. It was about damn time Grand Slam returned! However, what strikes me as rather odd IS how he came back. King got Lynn fired from her job, canceled Bases Loaded development deal, fired Grand Slam, and Stevens came back because he bought some stock....

 

Now maybe I have forgotten the charater of "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens, but WHY did he not just beat the holy hell out of King for all that? He had nothing else to loose job wise, so why wait until he could round up some stocks and join up with Thugg.

 

I think you are forgetting Mark a bit...while he was definitely a man who would kick the crap out of you...he never really rushed into things without thinking about the best way. Also, if he had just waltzed back in the building to beat up King, he would have never got there...King's too smart for that. Besides, King retired Mark...which, probably had some emotional damage. Mark has never been much of the "ambush them in the dark" kind of character, so, if I remember correctly, he never did too much in the way of attacking people backstage or what have you. As far as why Mark didn't attack him in the ring...well, he knows better than that. King would have been quick to exit, so there's no point in wasting energy. However...here's the most important reason!! Throughout this angle, we have established that what is most important to King is power...he needs to be in control of everything. That's all he wants...and you see...if a man cherishes money...you hurt his wallet...if a man cherishes sex...you give him erectile functional disorder....if a man cherishes power and control...you take it from him. So Mark hit him where it hurt him the most...in his ego. Now King is forced to work WITH him, which is the last thing he wanted to ever do.

 

Also, I think you guys could have stretched out the war between King/Stevens a few more shows before making the Genesis challenge for the SWF Commish spot. King seemed to spit that challenge out rather easily.

 

Problem with this is that we only have 3 shows, including storm, before genesis. With the other aspects of the angle we have planned, we couldn't wait any longer to bring mark back. We wanted to wait longer before even bringing Thugg back, but in order to fit it all in, he had to come back when he did...and so did Mark. And, likewise, the match had to be set now, or we would have run out of time to finish the angle the way we want it to finish. And I could have sworn that Mark made the match...not King. The timing of the match being set is purposeful and will make sense down the road...I promise.

 

 

Mak, to touch on your desire to have the back and forth...I love that you do it man...I really do. But not everyone has time to write out a long winded response to your evaluations. I try to explain myself when I have the time, like today, but I don't always have time to do it...so sometimes I just read and sometimes I make a brief comment...and sometimes I do details. Just a note.

 

Da "long-invested angles will pay off...but you have to be patient" H

Edited September 10, 2003 by HVilleThugg

[HVilleThugg 0]

Why can't I quote things in this thread??

 

DA "what the fuck" H

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

Dace Yakuza Kicking Flesher comes from us both using it as big strikes, and him making a run in with a Yakuza Kick on TBS earlier in the match.

I noticed that while marking, Dace, and liked it much. That was one of the cool parallels you guys pulled out.

 

I also had a response to one of Johnny's thoughts about the King/Mark/Thugg angle:

 

Now maybe I have forgotten the charater of "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens, but WHY did he not just beat the holy hell out of King for all that? He had nothing else to loose job wise, so why wait until he could round up some stocks and join up with Thugg.

 

I wondered this a bit too, but reading between the lines I guessed it was mostly that he was worried about what King could do back to him. He hasn't hesitated to threaten or get involved in Mark's family life before and I think Grand Slam just had to wait until he had some leverage and a way to effectively get back at King.

 

Also, I think you guys could have stretched out the war between King/Stevens a few more shows before making the Genesis challenge for the SWF Commish spot. King seemed to spit that challenge out rather easily.

 

As a reader, I sort of agree with you there. Mark coming back was big enough for tonight, and it would have been cool to have the challenge on a different show. Still, I think the history and inevitable tension between Mark and Thugg will be enough to carry some of the open space in this story. Then there's also the fact that there's something like only 3 shows before Genesis...I'm gonna call it a coin toss. I do like this angle though. Makes me all warm and retro-fuzzy.