Owned

[MrRant 0]

A practical joker has stirred up trouble by publishing a Japanese-to-English phrase book with incorrect definitions for every phrase!

 

Now thousands of Japanese tourists who've painstakingly studied the bogus dictionary in preparation for trips to America are arriving on our shores only to encounter blank stares, hysterical laughter or even brutal beatings as soon as they open their mouths.

 

"The man who compiled this dictionary clearly went out of his way to wreak havoc," says New York hotel concierge Jacqueline Porseman, who arranges tours for many VIP guests from Japan.

 

"For instance, when the Japanese think they're asking 'Can you direct me to the rest room?' the book actually has them saying, 'Excuse me, may I caress your buttocks?'

 

"And, the phrase for 'I am very pleased to meet you' is given as 'My friend, your breath could knock over a water buffalo.'"

 

At least 50,000 copies of the book have been sold in Japan in the past year and while the Japanese government has pulled the plug on further sales, copies still turn up in used bookstores and bargain-hunters snap them up.

 

"This is not a funny matter to us," says Hiro Suzuki of the Japanese embassy. "Our citizens who look forward to a pleasurable time in America are being laughed at, spat upon, roughed up and humiliated without knowing what they said wrong. Tourists have been found beaten to a pulp on street corners with this terrible phrase book still in their hands."

 

Among the nearly 2,300 incidents reported to the embassy:

 

A 29-year-old Tokyo man visiting San Francisco for the first time meant to ask a female store clerk, "May I please have film for my camera?" But what he actually said was, "Would you place your copious breasts in my mouth?" He was slapped in the face, then got tossed out by the manager.

Four family members from Osaka were thrilled see their favorite American singer coming out of a ritzy store in Beverly Hills. While waving frantically, they shouted out what they believed to be, "We love you so much." Unfortunately, what they really said was, "We're here to take your head." The four were arrested and detained for six hours by police.

A 45-year-old tourist from Okinawa looking for the legendary Apollo Theater in Harlem thought he was asking a group of young men, "I am lost. Which way is uptown?" In reality, he said, "I know martial arts. May I kick your ass?" He was chased five blocks before being rescued by police.

No one knows who's behind the elaborate hoax. Some suspect the editor-publisher of the book, identified only as "M.L. Tanaka," is a disgruntled former Japanese tourism official. Others insist the culprit is a U.S. autoworker who lost his job to Japan in the '80s.

 

Says Porseman, "If it's an American, I wonder how 'funny' he thinks it would be to visit a Sumo wrestling gym in Tokyo and think he's saying 'You guys are the best, keep it up,' when he's really saying, 'You have fat butts. Sit on my head.'

 

"It's not so amusing when the shoe is on the other foot, is it?"

 

http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/...7055000003.html

 

 

[Guest Cerebus]

Here's some more funny bad Jap-to-English translations. BTW, I wonder if there is an English-to-Japanese version we can give to Kamui...

[CanadianChris 0]

Am I a horrible person for laughing my ass off at this?

[Guest Sagrada3099]

Not at all, man! I was dying after "copious breasts in my mouth". It's funny! I mean, I'm sure it isnt when they get their asses beat, but still...

[Jobber of the Week 0]

Weekly World News.

 

 

VERY LOL2003.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

This was directly ripped from a Monty Python skit. And it was WAY funnier there.

 

By ripped off I mean word-for-word as far as some of the translations go.

 

Oh and isn't this the sort of thing that used to get moved to general Chat? It isn't real news, just a curio story.

[Jobber of the Week 0]

This was directly ripped from a Monty Python skit. And it was WAY funnier there.

This one ends better, though.

[SpikeFayeJettEdBebop 0]

My god, I really don't think this is funny, only because I hate to see people being beatten up for no reason other than that some fuckin dumbass fucker lost his job and decided to take it out on Japan. I hope the fucker dies.

 

How-ever, it was damn clever of an idea.(Even if he stole it, he made it work)

[Dr. Tom 0]

Very funny, but yeah, it really should go in GC.

[Cuban Linx 0]

Rather humorous.

 

*adds this to 'things to do' list*

[Guest JacK]

Gold Jerry GOLD!

[Jingus 0]

Did everyone just completely ignore what Zsasz said? This "story" is ripped, at times WORD FOR WORD, from a Monty Python skit. I think it was in their "And Now For Something Completely Different" movie, as well as on their Flying Circus TV show. Do we have any evidence at all that this actually happened? This whole thing reads as being just fake as all hell.

 

Ya know, it just hit me... this is the perfect excuse to crank out my semi-annual DISSECTION OF DOOM.

 

A practical joker has stirred up trouble by publishing a Japanese-to-English phrase book with incorrect definitions for every phrase!

 

Have any of you ever seen a real news headline that ended with an exclamation mark? That's substandard journalistic writing, even if the story is true.

 

Now thousands of Japanese tourists who've painstakingly studied the bogus dictionary in preparation for trips to America are arriving on our shores only to encounter blank stares, hysterical laughter or even brutal beatings as soon as they open their mouths.

 

Okay, show of hands: how many people who've ever attempted to learn a foreign language or travel in a foreign country have relied on ONE, and only one, dinky little phrasebook for the entire process?

 

"The man who compiled this dictionary clearly went out of his way to wreak havoc," says New York hotel concierge Jacqueline Porseman, who arranges tours for many VIP guests from Japan.

 

Since when does a lowly concierge arrange intercontinental vacation plans? And why doesn't it say which hotel she works for?

 

"For instance, when the Japanese think they're asking 'Can you direct me to the rest room?' the book actually has them saying, 'Excuse me, may I caress your buttocks?'

"And, the phrase for 'I am very pleased to meet you' is given as 'My friend, your breath could knock over a water buffalo.'"

 

The first line is almost a direct quote from the Monty Python skit.

 

At least 50,000 copies of the book have been sold in Japan in the past year and while the Japanese government has pulled the plug on further sales, copies still turn up in used bookstores and bargain-hunters snap them up.

 

Bullshit. Just like in the States, the book publishing and selling industries in Japan are highly corporate and very centralized. There's no way that an independent prankster could've somehow convinced bookstores to carry even 500 of his books, much less 50,000. And oh by the way, 50,000 is a shitload of books. This supposed phrasebook would have to be one of the best-selling Japanese-to-English dictionaries of all time in order to sell that many in one year.

 

"This is not a funny matter to us," says Hiro Suzuki of the Japanese embassy. "Our citizens who look forward to a pleasurable time in America are being laughed at, spat upon, roughed up and humiliated without knowing what they said wrong. Tourists have been found beaten to a pulp on street corners with this terrible phrase book still in their hands."

 

What position does ol' Hiro hold at the embassy, praytell? Funny how these details are being consistently left out.

 

Among the nearly 2,300 incidents reported to the embassy:

 

BULL-SHIT. That many violent incidents involving Japanese tourists in America over the course of a single year would cause an international media uproar, and possibly even economic or political sanctions, depending on how feisty the bureaucrats are feeling.

 

A 29-year-old Tokyo man visiting San Francisco for the first time meant to ask a female store clerk, "May I please have film for my camera?" But what he actually said was, "Would you place your copious breasts in my mouth?" He was slapped in the face, then got tossed out by the manager.

 

Two separate things wrong here. First of all, we've all owned (or at least seen) a Japanese-made camera or camcorder at some point, right? Well, don't a whole lot of them clearly have the word CAMERA stamped on them somewhere, right onto their frame?

 

And secondly: the guy who wrote the "copious breasts" line obviously knows nothing about Japanese pronunciation of English. The way that any non-English-speaking Japanese person would pronounce that tongue-twister of a line, it would come out completely unintelligeble. Probably something like: "Whud-uh yu prace-uh yo co-pee-os-o bress in my mouf-uh?" Your average American would've had no idea what the hell he'd just tried to say.

 

(And by the way, why didn't the story say what store this happened in?)

 

Four family members from Osaka were thrilled see their favorite American singer coming out of a ritzy store in Beverly Hills. While waving frantically, they shouted out what they believed to be, "We love you so much." Unfortunately, what they really said was, "We're here to take your head." The four were arrested and detained for six hours by police.

 

So, let me get this straight: a family of FOUR separate people just HAPPEN to run into their UNNAMED "favorite American singer", and they had all just HAPPENED to read that naughty phrasebook, and had all just HAPPENED to have memorized that one terribly wrong phrase, in order to yell it at a moment's notice, just in case they HAPPENED to need to tell some American that they loved them so much? Yeah. Right.

 

A 45-year-old tourist from Okinawa looking for the legendary Apollo Theater in Harlem thought he was asking a group of young men, "I am lost. Which way is uptown?" In reality, he said, "I know martial arts. May I kick your ass?" He was chased five blocks before being rescued by police.

 

Uh... actually I could see this one happening, and it's kinda funny.

 

No one knows who's behind the elaborate hoax.

 

I guess the Japanese police are just too damned stupid to figure out where the royalties from 50,000 sold copies of books went to.

 

Some suspect the editor-publisher of the book, identified only as "M.L. Tanaka," is a disgruntled former Japanese tourism official. Others insist the culprit is a U.S. autoworker who lost his job to Japan in the '80s.

 

Oh my god, Masato Tanaka took one too many of Mike Awesome's chairshots and SNAPPED!!!

 

. . .

 

Okay, now that the inevitable joke is out of the way, who the hell are these "some" and "other" people who are suspecting various really vague and cliche'd suspects? And where would some random laid-off auto worker get the massive funds and connections it would take to pull off a job like this?

 

Says Porseman, "If it's an American, I wonder how 'funny' he thinks it would be to visit a Sumo wrestling gym in Tokyo and think he's saying 'You guys are the best, keep it up,' when he's really saying, 'You have fat butts. Sit on my head.'

 

"It's not so amusing when the shoe is on the other foot, is it?"

 

I think that was either supposed to be a joke, or the moral of the story. Whatever. (But seriously, don't mess with sumo wrestlers, they're some bad mofos.)

 

Go visit the original story, everyone, it's linked on the bottom. Funny how the story is attributed to NO author whatsoever? I mean, not even just the AP or Reuters, I mean NOBODY apparently wrote this damn thing. Along with no specific dates or names of anyone involved in this, except for Porseman and Hiro, and has anyone checked to make sure that they really exist? And top it all off with a GROSS misunderstanding of the entire book pulbishing industry in general.

 

So, in conclusion, shame on you guys for swallowing this load of crap.