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Guest cobainwasmurdered

The TSM Award SHOW: 2003

By Guest cobainwasmurdered, in No Holds Barred

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Guest cobainwasmurdered   

Guest cobainwasmurdered
Posted

The First Annual Smart Marks Award Show~!

 

 

:: Cameras slowly pan out showing Madison Square Gardens which tonight is swarming with Smarks. The Red Carpet is rolled out and the celebrities are stepping out of the Limo’s. Our Red Carpet correspondent is Anglesault::

 

Anglesault: Hello everyone. I’m here on the red carpet meeting and greeting. Already The Dames has arrived and been rushed inside by his bodyguards, Dr. Tom and Marney arrived arm in arm sparking rumours that perhaps Marney has switched teams if you know what I’m saying. Perhaps the nicest surprise was Zack Malibu who brought his mother to the show instead of a date. CWM was quoted as saying it was because Zack couldn’t find a date, others say it’s because his mother IS Zack’s date…Oh here comes another limo and it’s…HHH and Stephanie!

 

::HHH emerges from the Limo and looks out at the Swarm of angry Smarks. All of a sudden BPS pushed to the front of the crowd::

 

BPS: DIE!

 

::The Smarks charge HHH and when the dust is cleared all that is left is a needle::

 

Anglesault: Ha, those crazy fans. Now it’s time for the show to start. So I’m sending it to our host for the night… The Flying Dutchman~!

 

Dutch: Welcome everyone to the first annual Smart Marks award show. We have a stellar show for you all tonight. But before we get started we have to announce a few awards that are rewarded to a few posters who couldn’t be here tonight.

 

The Xkiller Award for best Troll, was awarded to Prince Paul.

The Person Who Least Deserved To Be Banned was awarded to: Banky

The Brain Award for Worst Troll was awarded to Kamui.

The Poster Who Most Deserved To Be Banned Award was awarded to Eagan.

The Best Poster Swerve was awarded to Banky and Paul for their fake feud.

 

Now. Let’s get to the show. Here to award the Smartest Poster award it’s TSM’s dumbest poster… CWM!

 

::CWM emerges from the back to applause.::

 

CWM: Hello everyone, I hope you’re having a good time! Tonight I’ve been asked to present the Smartest Poster Award. This is the one award I’m guaranteed not to win. ::Crowd chuckles and Zack yells out, “That’s for sure!”:: Thanks Zack. To bad we don’t have a worst dressed award because you’d be a shoe in. Now without further wait it’s time to announce the award. Drum roll please…The Winner of The Smartest Poster award is… MARNEY! Come on up here.

 

::Marney stands up and walks to the Stage.::

 

Marney: "Oh my goodness gracious. What an exquisitely lovely surprise! I don't know what to say! Why, I declare, never, never in a million years would I have guessed that y'all were giving this darling li'l award to your ol' Auntie Marney. Do you know what all y'all are? Do you? Y'all are perfect dears! That's right, you are, and you know it, don't you? Thank you, and God bless."

 

::Marney blows kisses to the female audience members and walks backstage.::

 

Dutch: Well that wasn’t much of a surprise considering the average TSM poster’s IQ…heh heh heh I kill myself. Here to present The Worst Gimmick Poster of The Year, it’s XKILLER GONA HIT EM UP!

 

Xkiller: Thanx u, Thanx U. Iv sawn some awfl gimmicks buts tonigts winner is the wrst! The Weinner of the Worst Gimmick Poster Award is Human Jukebox!

 

::Human Jukebox dances up to the stage.::

 

HJ: Lookin' at the devil, grinnin' at his gun

Fingers start shakin', I begin to run

 

Bullets start chasin', I begin to stop

We begin to wrestle I was on the top

 

Want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

I wanna thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

 

Stiff all in the collar, fluffy in the face

Chit chat chatter tryin', I begin to run

 

Want to thank you for the party, I could never stay

Many thangs is on my mind, words in the way

 

Want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

 

Dance to the music

All nite long

Everyday people

Sing a simple song

 

Mama's so happy

Mama start to cry

Papa still singin'

You can make it if you try

 

I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

 

Flamin' eyes of people fear, burnin' into you

Many men are missin' much, hatin' what they do

 

Youth and truth are makin' love

Dig it for a starter

Dyin' young is hard to take

Sellin' out is harder

 

I want to thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

Thank you falettinme be mice elf agin

 

Dutch: Well…that sucked more than Johnson at a Boy Scouts meeting. HIYO! Anyway it’s time for the Most Improved Poster Award. Here to present the award is CHAVE!

 

Chave: Hey everyone. I’m honoured to present this award tonight as I get an awesome gift bag for appearing on the show. The Winner of The Most Improved Poster Award is JUSTSOYOUKNOW!

 

::JSYK jumps to his feet and hugs his mentor CWM and his friend Kotz who seems to enjoy the hug an awful lot. JSYK climbs to the stage::

 

JSYK: Wow...you know, who here would have thought that I, of all people, would win "Most Improved Poster of the Year"? I mean, I'm honored and all...but for you to say that I've improved, that would mean that I'd have to have sucked for a period of time. And we all know that any and all sucking is reserved for the Love, Sex, and Dating folder...or Johnson. (canned laughter). I'd like to thank my mentor, CWM, who taught me how to postwhore, my good buddy Spoon, who gets all kinds of drunken phone calls, and Banky, who, without his guidance, I wouldn't be where I am today. Thank you, and goodnight.

 

Dutch: That was very touching. Though why anyone would want to thank CWM for anything other than when he disappears I don’t know. Ha! I’m on tonight! It’s time for the Funniest Poster Award, here to present it is the one, the only, THE DAMES~!

 

::The crowd jumps to their feet and gives Dames a thunderous ovation. The only person who stays sitting is Popick who can be heard muttering :I’m the one who saved the board! That’s MY ovation!!”::

 

The Danes: Welcome my children. Tonight is a special night. And that’s not just because it’s the first time Choken One has left his computer in 5 years. I’m glad to present the Funniest Poster award. The winner is… FROZENBLOCKOFPISS~!

 

::Piss stands up on his seat and bows to the audience before making his way to the stage.::

 

Piss: Funniest: Well, I'd like to thank everybody who voted for me for this award, but first, here is a sampling from a Civil War Diary by Private Jefferson Moses:

 

February 24, 1864

 

Last night we marched till 11 in the night. Then we halted for the remaner of the night. I can tell you they marched us hard yesterday. We marched about 30 miles. We started at 5 in the morning and rested about 3 hours and marched the rest of the time. The boys say that this was the hardest march that they ever marched yet. We are in camp yet this morning. It is about 9 now and we are still laying. We are not far from Dalton. The rebs are over on tunnel Hill. I think we have to fight. We come back now about 5 miles and are laying in a line of batle. There are two lines formed. We are prety near Dalton Station. We lay here all day in line of batle. This evening we moved up in the timber for to camp. We have a prety nice place to sleep on and lots of leaves to lay on. Nothing more.

 

I know this isn't really funny in anyway, but it has quite a bit in common with myself in that regard. There are so many people who deserved this award more than me, and if I could actually remember any of them, I'd be sure to give them credit.

 

Actually, I know why I won this award. It's all thanks to a big bald-headed warrior who many of you know and love. That's right, let's all give a big hand for the real winner here, Zack's wang.

 

::Zack turns beet red as his mother laughs and nods::

 

Dutch: Well that was…interesting. Now it’s time for the Best Mod Of the Year award. Hoff is here to present it.

 

Hoff: Thank you Dutch, it’s a pleasure to give this award away as I well know from my time at WDI and UGS how difficult a job it is to be a mod. The Winner of the Best Mod award…oh I can’t believe it…ZACK MALIBU~!

 

::Zack kisses his mom on the cheek::

 

Zack: "Well, this one was certainly unexpected. Given that I've only been a mod for a few months now, I'm glad to know you guys appreciate the job that I do. It was a slow climb...first OAOAST mod, then indy folder mod (due to the actions of one man, and one man only, and to him I say that NWA-Wildside is a great promotion, and a Jeff Jarrett poster is being sent en route to him now), and finally they put me...ME in a position of authority on the board. Dames, what the HELL were you thinking!? In all honesty though, I hold this board near and dear to my heart, and hope thatt we continue to perservere despite the occasional dip in quality due to the TROLLS OMG BAN PLZ~! This makes all those name-changings worthwhile. I'd like to thank all those who made this possible, such as Kotz...no, Disco Pee...wait, that's Mr. McFeely...no, your Kotz again. I can't forget Chosun One...wait, I mean Nice Guy Adam. Then there's AM The...wait, he's Stampeder, no, he had me change it back to The Kid...ah fuck it you guys, I don't know who any of you are anymore, but I thank you."

 

Dutch: After that Speech I’m strongly considering changing my name to “The Man With No Penis”. It’s time to give away the Best Newcomer award. Here to present the award is Kotz~!

 

::Kotz struts to the stage wearing his pink leather pants and neon boa::

 

Kotz: I’ve got an after party to go to so let’s get right to it. The Winner and Best Newcomer…FROZENPISS~!

 

::Piss gets up for the second time and walks to the stage.::

 

Piss: Thank you for voting for me for this prestigous award. I would like to thank a couple of people here. First, Chave, where ever you went, you are also one of the newcomers, and you are one of the funniest fellows I have met here, and it certainly be argued that you should have won this. Nice Guy Adam, you are a great guy and you are also were someone who could have won this, but you're from Australlia so you don't count... And I could never forget my loyal army of freaky cats lying in wait for the day that I will unleash their Fury~! Also thanks to Zack, New Me(gone but not forgotten), Banky and his many aliases, Lightning Elk and Choko, my Mentor CWM, and many others out there who know who you are. And last but not least, RoyalBlue, you better put on your chaps cause Mr. Piss is bringing home a new trophy and I'm feeling frisky.

 

Dutch: I can’t believe how lucky that kid has been tonight. Now the next Presenter is . Zack Malibu who was asked to present The Least Popular Poster Award but he demanded to present two awards so he’s also presenting the Smuck Of The Year award.

 

::Zack walks onto the stage and bow to the crowd::

 

Zack: there’s a good reason why I’m presenting the Smuck of the year and the Least Popular Poster Award at the same time. It’s because the same person won BOTH awards. And that man Is JOHNSON~!

 

::Johnson starts to stand up but is grabbed by security::

 

Zack: Now I know every winner is supposed to get a speech but the thought of Johnson ruining the show was to awful to bear so instead I’m doing everyone a favor and using my MOD powers to have him thrown out of the building!!

 

:Johnson is hauled off to thunderous applause::

 

Dutch: To bad Zack didn’t get rid of Johnson before he started humping that Kobe Bryant picture. Now to present the Post Whore Of the year award is… ah screw it everyone knows Choken One won it. I’d rather not give him a chance to whore up the show. So let’s go to Sass who’s here to present the Most Popular Poster Award.

 

Sass: Thanks Dutch. I’ve been looking forward to presenting this award all night because it was a close race and no one knew who’d come out on top. The winner is… ZACK MALIBU! Unbelievable!

 

:: Zack stands up with a grin on his face and walks to the stage::

 

Zack: C'mon now, was there ever any doubt? I won the tournament (albeit the second one...curse you Evenflow!), I was made a mod, and hell, even Dames is making money off of me by selling copies of my mix CD's in New York. You guys have started the Malibu bandwagon and stayed on for the wild and bumpy ride it's brought, and for that I love you all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to cut this speech short so that I get get a few photo ops done backstage, then it's off to an autograph signing, and then get back here in time for the final few awards. Peace out homies."

 

Dutch: That was dope fo shizzle. Zack is “down” with the peeps on the streets. We’re nearing the end of the show. Only three awards left. Here to present the Best Gimmick Poster Award is…The Mysterious One!

 

::TMO lowers down from the rafters::

 

TMO: I’d say it’s an honor to be here but it’d be a lie. You’re all a bunch of losers wasting your time. So…let’s get to the Award! The Winner of best Gimmick Poster is… ABOBO!!!!

 

::ABOBO jumps to his feet and runs to the stage::

 

ABOBO: ABOBO IS SO HAPPY. ABOBO HAD BIG SPEECH BUT ABOBO GOT HUNGRY AND ABOBO CONFUSED LAPTOP WITH POP TART. WAS STILL GOOD BUT NO FROSTING FOR ABOBO. ABOBO HAS TRAVELED LONG TIME AND ABOBO DO MANY THINGS. ABOBO WAS ONCE DANCER FOR MC HAMMER AFTER ABOBO LEAVE GANG. ABOBO MISS PUFFY PANTS. ABOBO'S PANTS NOW SMELL LIKE KETCHUP TO ABOBO. NOW ABOBO IS HUNGRY. YOU STILL THERE? ABOBO HAD TO GO EAT PANTS. ABOBO WAS ALSO MASTER OF DIGUISE. REMEMBER BEE GIRL FROM BLIND MELON VIDEO? THAT WAS ABOBO. NO, ABOBO LIED. ABOBO WAS BEE ONCE WHEN ABOBO GO TRICK OR TREAT. ABOBO NO LIKE DENTIST WHO GAVE ABOBO APPLE. NOW DENTIST HAVE NO TEETH. EVEN ABOBO KNOW THAT IRONIC. ABOBO GO NOW. ABOBO WOULD SAY THANKS BUT ABOBO KNOW ABOBO EARNED IT.

 

Dutch: Now that was funny! If only everyone could be so talented. Now on a serious note it’s time for a very important award. Tonight marks the start of the Smart Mark Hall Of Fame. Here to announce who was voted in is SPIDERPOET!

 

Spiderdpoet: Thanks Dutch, I can’t begin to describe how honoured I am to give this award away. The Smart Marks has known more than it’s fair share of Legendary Posters and I’ve been looking forward to finding out who would be given the honor of being the first inductee. Ladies and Gentlemen the First Inductee into the Smart Marks Hall Of Fame is…Oh My God…COBAINWASMURDERED!! Get up here you son of a gun!

 

::CWM looks stunned, JSYK and Piss help him to his feet and he walks to the stage and hugs his first protégé Spiderpoet::

 

CWM: I don’t know what to say. I know I’m probably expected to be funny or something but I’m too shocked. This means a lot to me. I’ve posted at this board for over two years now and I’ve seen a lot of fabulous posters come and go. Loss4words, El Cubano, Vanilla Midget, just to name a few. I’m amazed that anyone thinks I was good enough to be put into the Hall Of Fame. I’d like to thank my friends in the IWC who are really the reason I post. SpiderPoet, JSYK, and Piss it’s been an honor to be your mentor, you’re all talented posters and genuine awesome guys. Chosun One, Rando you both rock. Banky, Sandman, Super Star, Agnes, TrebleCharged you’ve all been my partners in mayhem at one time or another and it’s been a shitload of fun. Dutch, despite your lack of penis you’re still a great guy and I’m grateful to you for letting me post at WDI. I’m probably forgetting a lot of people…I’d like to thank everyone in the OAOAST, you all rock! And lastly I’d like to thank probably my best friend on the internet… Zack Malibu. Despite all the jokes I make about him tonight on the award show he’s the coolest guy I’ve met on this thing we call the internet. Thank you all and good night!

 

Dutch: What an emotional speech from Posting Great CWM. He’s done it all. He founded the OAOAST, was a founding member of the Establishment, and is the original Post Whore. But now it’s time for the BIG award… Smark Of The Year. Here to present the award is AGNES aka Angleplex!

 

Agnes: Thank You Dutch, It’s pretty cool to be here. I’ve never seen so many Smarks gathered in one place. ::Ban Agnes chant starts:: Oh you kidders! ::People throw garbage:: All right! All right! The Winner of the Smark Of The Year Award is…ZACK MALIBU~!

 

::Zack puts down the two awards he’s already won and walks to the stage shaking hands with everyone::

 

Zack: Now this, this is an honor. This beats out the previous two awards in a major way. This is what we all hope to achieve when we post. Now, something you may not now, is that this was a relatively close race, and apparently I beat out a certain other TSMer by a mere vote, and because of that close race I'd like to pull him on stage and shower him with some credit, so come on up here CWM, take a bow!"

 

(CWM walks up on stage and pumps his fists, but Zack takes the Smark Of The Year trophy and cracks CWM in the back of the head with it!)

 

"Sucker. And now, I'd like to personally thank those close to me, as they should share in this award."

 

Dames-The man put a lot of faith in me, but that's just because he fears my family connections, heh. Oh, and if you're gonna continue to make money off me, SEND ME SOME! Times are tough, bro!

 

The Superstar-he can be stubborn, he can be pushy, but he's still my little brother, and he's going to grow up to be just like me someday.

 

EvenflowDDT-you're not around that much anymore man, but...wait...he was sitting right there! He's gone? Aww...crap.

 

Sandman-I promise not to tell anyone that you listen to Neil Diamond and cried during Titanic.

 

WJM-aka Mrs. Malibu. A girl whose charm carries over continents, because she's won my heart. *Muah*

 

Kotz-probably the only guy, save for Northstar, that comes closest to me in musical taste. Whether this is good or bad is up to you.

 

(Agent of Oblivion, Corey Laz, Ravenbomb, and other metalheads from the music folder come running through the auditorium with chains, bats, and torches, but are luckily thwarted by security. Laz is heard screaming "O-Town is gonna diiiiiiie!" as he's carried out the doors.)

 

Phew, that was a close one! OK, where was I? Oh yes...

 

ShooterJay-Just remember who told you to wow your now-girlfriend with useless teen show facts. By the way, did you know that the song "Too Much To Dream" on California Dreams was also used on USA High?

 

Phoenix Fury Legdrop-You're already one of the best writers I know and you just keep getting better. Of course, you've had me as a role model! ::Thumbs up, cheap pop::

 

CanadianChick-We can still arrange that swap someday soon if you'd like. Just forward me your address and a contact number so we can get acquainted better (but only if WJM is willing to swing).

 

Northstar-we obviously need to throw a victory party after tonight, so I want you to send me a list of 20 more songs to download by 8 a.m.

 

Rando aka Randolicious-How ya doin', brother?

 

EQ-The day I signed on and saw that I had mod status, I swear I thought he somehow got into Dames' account again and modded me. One of the best pranksters around, he could get you anywhere, at anyti...

 

(Zack looks up, and sees a vat of slime tilted at him, the ooze coming pouring down. Zack quickly sidesteps and the goo lands all over CWM, but he's used to being covered in a sticky substance. Zack looks up and shakes his fist at an escaping EQ, who runs across the rafters.)

 

...bastard. Almost got that on my new shoes. OK, picking up where we left off...

 

Anglesault-for without you, there would be no e-fed for me to help run. We also wouldn't have begun to use "Suckbag" in place of Randy Orton, but that's another story for another folder.

 

TSA-speaking of pranksters, you successfully punked me, and I can give credit where it's due. All I have to say is "Thanks for the advice".

 

Banky-for being one of the coolest and funniest bastards I've come across on the board. Tiffani says hi.

 

IDRM-you scare me and entertain me at the same time.

 

Mr. Piss-at first I only noticed you for your pussy, but you then gave depth to your character. Of course, you also gave yourself a shotgun wedding with RoyalBlue, but you can't win 'em all, right?

 

(Mr. Piss nods in agreement, until Blue elbows him. Mr. Piss then lowers his head and sulks after being scolded).

 

OldSchool, Satanico, FearHavoc, and the rest of the gang in The OC thread, you guys have proven that a show does not need to be named Buffy or Angel to have a consistent, ongoing discussion. Plus, I enjoy starting at OldSchool's sig.

 

JSYK-you are...

 

(Just then, Popick runs up on the stage and swipes the trophy from Zack.)

 

MINE! IT'S MINE! I SAVED THE BOARD! I'M THE SMARK OF THE YEAR! I'M THE SMARK OF THE CENTURY! HAHAHA...HA HA HA! IT'S ALL MINE! I OWN YOU ALL! I AM YOUR SAVIOR!

 

(Popick tries to run off stage, but gets pulled back by Zack, and they have a tug of war over the trophy. Zack wins, and Popick goes tumbling back off the stage, into the orchestra pit, where he lands in a rather akward position on Johnson, who has been playing the skin flute. Yuna Firerose then comes over, takes a picture, and dedicates a 7 page thread to Popick/Johnson slash fiction.)

 

OK, this show has obviously gone on too long, I say we cut out now while there's still some quality to be seen in it. Everyone...PARTY AT DAMES'!

 

(Dames gets up, but gets trampled by the ensuing crowd. Zack hops off the stage and walks over to WJM and CC, takes each one by the arm, and strolls out as we fade to black).

 

END OF SHOW

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Guest The Fallen Angel   

Guest The Fallen Angel
Posted

1. It's all fixed.

 

2. Highlight of the show:

 

Agnes: Thank You Dutch, It’s pretty cool to be here.

 

I love Agnes. We need him back!

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Hank Kingsley    0

Hank Kingsley
Posted
1. It's all fixed.

 

2. Highlight of the show:

 

Agnes: Thank You Dutch, It’s pretty cool to be here.

 

I love Agnes. We need him back!

I concur. Agnesterone helped keep this board running.

 

No wonder TSM has been sputtering along the weaving Internet path of life.

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1234-5678    0

1234-5678
Posted
My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail. I am boycotting next year's show...IN ANGER!

All the scorned members should hold an Anti-TSM award show. You know, like how they had that Anti-Prom on Dawson's Creek............not that I ever watched it.............

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Damaramu    0

Damaramu
Posted

Not even one mention of Damaramu? BAH! What's a guy got to do around here!

Stupid popularity contests! *kicks chair*

Malibu you told me joining OAOAST would get me some respect and get my name out there! That hasn't happened! I looked up to you man! I KNOW NO ZACK MALIBU!

*huffs out*

Not even a mention of me in your acceptance speech! HOMO!

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Damaramu    0

Damaramu
Posted

*comes back*

..........................

*turns red*

SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH SHIT COCKSUCKING MOTHER FUCK FUCK WTHOWEJHTREOHTGLOWERH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Guest Bottled Black   

Guest Bottled Black
Posted
*comes back*

..........................

*turns red*

SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH SHIT COCKSUCKING MOTHER FUCK FUCK WTHOWEJHTREOHTGLOWERH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy shit dude.. Deep breaths it'll be alright here have a glass of water...

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Zack Malibu    0

Zack Malibu
Posted

Blame Popick. If he hadn't run on stage, I had planned on thanking each TSMer personally. Even that guy, you know that guy who always posts, but no one remembers his name? Yeah, him.

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Damaramu    0

Damaramu
Posted
Blame Popick. If he hadn't run on stage, I had planned on thanking each TSMer personally. Even that guy, you know that guy who always posts, but no one remembers his name? Yeah, him.

ARGH!

*hangs self*

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Guest Bottled Black   

Guest Bottled Black
Posted
*curses the fact that I had crappy seats*

At least you had seats I had to try and sneak through the backstage door.. Had to try and sweet talk ROD.. and boy am i sore now..

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Damaramu    0

Damaramu
Posted
*curses the fact that I had crappy seats*

At least you had seats I had to try and sneak through the backstage door.. Had to try and sweet talk ROD.. and boy am i sore now..

Now people are stealing Rod from me! Son of a bitch!

No respect! No respect!

What's a guy gotta do around here!? HUH!?!?!?! WHAT!?!?!?!?

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Guest Bottled Black   

Guest Bottled Black
Posted

Hey I was just trying to get in the door.. It was his idea I swear.. I was a hesitant participant

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{''({o..o})''}    0

{''({o..o})''}
Posted
*curses the fact that I had crappy seats*

At least you had seats I had to try and sneak through the backstage door.. Had to try and sweet talk ROD.. and boy am i sore now..

Now people are stealing Rod from me! Son of a bitch!

No respect! No respect!

What's a guy gotta do around here!? HUH!?!?!?! WHAT!?!?!?!?

...Be someone else?

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