Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted February 17, 2004 It's Dr. Smith's first day working at that mental institution. He figures he'll check in on a couple of patiants and get a feel for the place. So he checks into the first door and there's a guy swinging a baseball bat wildly in the air. "As soon as I get out of here I'll be back in the majors, Doc, you'll see!" "I bet you well," says Dr. Smith, and walks on. He checks into the next room and there's a guy jamming away on his guitar. "When I get out I'm putting the band back together and going on tour." "Sounds like a good idea," says Dr. Smith, and he walks onto the next room. When the Doctor opens the door he sees a man laying in bed furiously masturbating into a bag of cashews. Dr Smith stares at him in awe. "And what are you going to do when you get out?" "Get out?" The man asks. "Doc, I ain't ever getting out of here. Can't you see? I'm fuckin' nuts!" *ba-dum-ching!* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Corey_Lazarus 0 Report post Posted February 17, 2004 ...I'm going to fucking kill you... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted February 17, 2004 ...I'm going to fucking kill you... *lowes head, puts hands in pocket, shrugs, walks away* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted February 17, 2004 Please...Die That's the name of the 2003 release by Swedish melodeath metal band Carnal Forge. Check it out. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down a road and turned into a field. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted February 18, 2004 Lets see.. Umm bad jokes... How about this one? 2 peanuts walking down the street 1 was a salted. Get it? get it? assaulted. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Your Paragon of Virtue 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 Lets see.. Umm bad jokes... How about this one? 2 peanuts walking down the street 1 was a salted. Get it? get it? assaulted. You screwed up the "salted's" What do you throw out when you need it, and take in when you don't? My Ex-wife! *Ba dum buM CHH* Actually the answer is an anchor, it was in some mensa book. I liked Ex-wife though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest EQ Report post Posted February 18, 2004 What did one ball say to the other ball? "I really hate that cock who lives upstairs" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other "can you smell carrots"? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ted the Poster 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" A woman comes home from a golf game. "How did it go?" asks her husband. "Pretty well, except I was stung by a bee between the first and second holes", she says. The man strokes his chin and replies "Hmmm... it sounds like your stance is too wide." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "why the long face?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hank Kingsley 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 Did you hear the one about the deaf man? Neither did he! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
k thx 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 What did the Buddhist say to the hot-dog vendor? Make me one with everything. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Choken One Report post Posted February 18, 2004 Did you hear the one about the deaf man? Neither did he! I take offense to that buddy...Well not really. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrainYou42 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it, but they can't taste it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BorneAgain 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 My uncle's an alcoholic. My family enrolled him in a pottery class to help him, but it didn't work. He still came home plastered. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan. One sausage says "Boy, it's getting hot in here." The other sausage says "OH MY GOD! IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!" and the first sausage says "WHERE?!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 A man walks into a bar. His buddy says "you alright?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Metal Maniac 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2004 What'd one tampon say to the other? Nothing; they're both stuck-up cunts. What does a fish say when it runs into a brick wall? Damn. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsssssh. (This one works much better if you say it outloud) Two goldfish are sitting in a tank. One looks at the other and says "So, do you know how to drive this thing?" And finally...How did the tap dancer break his leg? He fell into the sink. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth N Asia 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2004 A man walks into a bar. His buddy says "you alright?" I prefer. "3 men walk into a bar, the forth one ducked." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom Viscount 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2004 Why did the man tip toe past the medicine cabinet? Because there were SLEEPING PILLS inside! Nothing? No? Not even a titter? Tough forum. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bottled Black Report post Posted February 20, 2004 A man walks into a bar. His buddy says "you alright?" I prefer. "3 men walk into a bar, the forth one ducked." I prefer A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted February 21, 2004 what does a 500-pound parakeet say? CHIRP!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tawren 0 Report post Posted February 21, 2004 Three bald guys go to a restaurant. One loudly yells at another to get out his wallet. The man who was yelled at asks why, and the third man says, "too pay!" HA. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jimbo Report post Posted February 21, 2004 What kind of cheese isn't yours? NA-CHO CHEESE~! ...that one will never get old Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Astro Report post Posted February 21, 2004 Christians are aganist Homos and Abortions. WTF? Who's having less abortions than Homos??? /Carlin Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BifEverchad 0 Report post Posted February 21, 2004 What did the carpet say to the floor? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don't move -- I've got you covered! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anakin Flair 0 Report post Posted February 21, 2004 A man walks into a bar. His buddy says "you alright?" The alternate version would be: "A man walked into a bar, and it hurt." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrainYou42 0 Report post Posted February 21, 2004 What do you call a sleep walking Nun? A Roman Cathloic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted February 22, 2004 Monkey! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
