drug testing

[dpac 0]

I was just wondering if anyone on this board has poked the smot before and had a drug test and passed it, or know some one who has. If so, what did you use. A buddy of mine recently had a drug test and bought some stuff at a local head shop, but the stuff showed up and he lost the job. Any help would be great.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Steal a child's urine and smuggle it in your pants. It's your only hope.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

if the test is one where they let you close the door then here ya go.

 

Grab some of the powdered Tide from a laundromat and then take a sandwhich baggie and put the shit into it. Tie it up like its a $40 of cocaine and then cut off the excess plastic. Then proceed to tape this up underneathe your scrotem on your gooch.

Walk in and when they check your pockets and shit you're clean. Go into the bathroom and close the door. Then when you whip your shit out grab the little thing of Tide, piss a bit into the cup and then proceed to pour the Tide in, piss up to the brim of the cup. Then ya wanna kinda swirl it in the cup. If you put the lid on and shake it they'll wonder why there's piss on the top of the cap.

 

Follow those directions and you're set. BTW, doesn't hurt to drink lots of water and flush out your system a tad naturally as well.

[Nighthawk 0]

Decoy urine is your best bet, yeah. Not so hard if you know someone willing to donate, which most people do.

[dpac 0]

The tide won't show up?

[Guest FrigidSoul]

The Tide will not show up, just don't go using a shitload...have you seen how they package cocaine? If you have then do the equivilant of a $40 but use Tide.

 

Edit: I'm sure Dames and Tom are going to love me for telling somebody how to cheat a piss test on the board

Edited April 6, 2004 by FrigidSoul

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

I used to keep a clean sample.

[Guest Fire and Knives]

It depends on how often you smoke and how good the testing facility is. If the place sucks, you can usually get away with drinking a lot a day or two beforehand - I prefer drinking lots of cranberry juice, since it's a mild diuretic. If you're smoking multiple times a day or you're getting tested at a hospital or any medical facility that really has their shit together, you either need a clean sample or a drop or two of bleach. Clean samples are ideal, but you're fucked if you get caught; the worst that's ever happened to me as a result of the bleach method is that they'll ask you to retake it at a later date, which will give you enough time to flush your system on even 12 hours notice.

 

K.

[justsoyouknow 0]

Depends on what you're going in for...are you on TASK or something? Because in my experiences, I've just had my friends practice my signature and go in my place.The people didn't ever ask for a photo ID, so as long as your friends memorize your birthday and your signature, get someone who's clean to go in for you.

[nl5xsk1 0]

How the fuck is this board made up of so many MacGuyvers???

 

Just buy some Golden Seal a week before the test. They'll sell it at most health food stores. Drink a ton of that and a ton of water for the days leading up to the test. You'll piss like it's going out of style. But that's what you want to do. They're testing for the amount of drugs in % of your urine. So, obviously the more you piss the less pot will show up in your test. If you have a week or so, you'll be golden (no pun intended) and you'll test clean.

 

Trust me, I haven't failed a drug test yet.

[Damaramu 0]

I've never failed a drug test.......but then again I don't do drugs so it's not very hard........

[Guest FrigidSoul]

Just buy some Golden Seal a week before the test. They'll sell it at most health food stores. Drink a ton of that and a ton of water for the days leading up to the test. You'll piss like it's going out of style. But that's what you want to do. They're testing for the amount of drugs in % of your urine. So, obviously the more you piss the less pot will show up in your test. If you have a week or so, you'll be golden (no pun intended) and you'll test clean.

Fuck that, my method allows you to go into the testing place stoned and pass hehehe

[Lil' Bitch 0]

I don't do drugs, but one of my stoner friends said drip your index finger in bleach before you go to your drug test. And then while you're peeing, touch your urine stream with that same index finger. He said the bleach is supposed to destroy the "impurities" whatever drug had put into your urine.

[nl5xsk1 0]

Just buy some Golden Seal a week before the test.  They'll sell it at most health food stores.  Drink a ton of that and a ton of water for the days leading up to the test.  You'll piss like it's going out of style.  But that's what you want to do.  They're testing for the amount of drugs in % of your urine.  So, obviously the more you piss the less pot will show up in your test.  If you have a week or so, you'll be golden (no pun intended) and you'll test clean.

Fuck that, my method allows you to go into the testing place stoned and pass hehehe

But with my idea you get to avoid taping anything to your taint (sorry, I always preferred the word taint to gooch).

 

And it also avoids having to sneak cocaine-looking products into a drug testing facility ... that'd be good have that slip down your pants leg just while you're walking into the testing center.

 

For me personally, the fact that I needed to pass the test to stay out of serious trouble (e.g. jail) outweighed the fact that I wanted to "go into the testing place stoned and pass". It's not a game, it's a way to stay out of trouble.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

Unless they're making blue cocaine I don't think there's a huge problem with having the Tide on ya. They'll just be pissed off.

 

The place where me and my ex best friend use to have to do drug testing had this bitter old man. Well one time I went in there absolutely stoned and had a bag of Sour Cream and Onion chips which I sat down with while waiting for my friend to take his test. The old man said "Does this look like a cafeteria? I don't need crumbs on the chairs, I should kick you both out right now!". My friend said "Do it, I don't care...I'll call my P.O. when I get home and tell him you wouldn't let me take the test". Guy ends up letting him take the test and as he walked to the back with the sample I took the last remaining like 7 chips in the bag, crunched the shit out of them in the bag and poured them on the floor while going "Crumbs on your floor, OH NO!" and left geeking from the high.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Tide's bullshit. It'd make SUDS for christ's sake. Use some common sense.

 

Natural flushing is the only way to go. I imagine this is for a job, and not a state thing, so it's not like they're going to go at your sample tooth and nail anyway. Just drink at least a gallon of water a day for a day or two, and your piss should be diluted enough. Those drinks and pills and other stuff at headshops are an absolute racket, since they do nothing but replace the elements lost with frequent urination, and make the sample appear normal. Anyone who drinks their full serving of water a day already has diluted urine though, so it's not like those drinks and shit are even necessary. A lab's not going to make you retake a sample because it's "too clean." At least not in my experience.

 

Besides, there's more stuff in Flintstones vitamins than there are in those stoner panacea drinks.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

It doesn't make suds, makes the same amount of foam that you get when pissing at something in close proximity

[Guest Dids]

Don't work at places that have drug tests. Personal freedom is more important than money.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

The new rage in the industrial sector is the oral swab test. It's a great deal cheaper than lab work for piss, and it's something the prospective employee can administer themselves. It's also 80% accurate up to 36 hours, which weeds out the chronic junkies that aren't going to show up to work anyway, but leaves opportunity to just your run of the mill reefer heads. They're also mind-blowingly easy to cheat.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

How about not taking illegal drugs?

 

I'm such a fuddy-duddy (or however it's spelled)...

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Well, ideally that's probably the best idea in the long run, but when one is disregarding both the law and their health, fudging some bodily fluids to get a better job isn't so wrong, is it? Beats stealing.

[Ripper 0]

Well, ideally that's probably the best idea in the long run, but when one is disregarding both the law and their health, fudging some bodily fluids to get a better job isn't so wrong, is it? Beats stealing.

Sez you.

 

*steals*

[NoCalMike 0]

Unless the drug test is on the spot, then you should be able to cleanse yer system 100% in a week or two. And if you can't go without smoking pot for a couple weeks then you are in serious trouble anyway. When I used to smoke frequently, I would just stop cold turkey when I would decide to change jobs or search the market because I knew that chances are, a drug test would be assigned.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Each one of Rip's fingers are worth ten dollars to me now. Go get 'em.

[Guest Vitamin X]

OK I have a bit of a problem... Going to see if this works or not and I can follow up on this if it doesn't

 

I'm a hardcore insomniac and thus I smoke bud everyday to go to sleep, and sometimes once or twice more if I'm bored in the daytime and feel like amusing myself. So a situation has come up in which I'm going to have to possibly take a drug test, and I'm totally unsure when it might be or if it will happen at all. So I need to stop smoking for a few days (which I haven't done in a long time) and take hardcore sleeping pills at night, but I need to know what is the best method for flushing out my system as fast as possible? For all I know it can happen tommorrow.

 

Reading through this, I bought like a gallon and a half of cranberry juice, so I plan to drink that and then fill up the gallon with water and chug that down tommorrow. Would that do me any good?

 

EDIT: If I were to mix some of this cranberry juice with vodka (you know to solve the sleeping problem) would it fuck up my chances at passing a drug test?

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Just stay awake, you'll get more done. A big thing of cranberry juice followed by a big thing of water will NOT totally clean you out. Nothing will. Pot is fat soluble, which means it's going to be in your body no matter how much water you drink. HOWEVER, this doesn't necessarily mean it has to be in your piss.

 

The goal for any pot smoker trying to pass a test is to give a diluted sample. That's it. Your only saving grace. There is no way you are going to remove all the trace chemicals from getting high, so just give them a cup of slightly yellow warm water. Drink gallon after gallon of water, go in there and piss n pray.

[Slayer 0]

have you seen how they package cocaine? If you have then do the equivilant of a $40 but use Tide.

Packing cocaine is a useful skill

[Guest Retro Rob]

Without drinking a shitload of water or cranberry juice, how long does it take after smoking pot so that it isn't traceable if you are tested? I personally smoke sporadically, sometimes a couple times a week and then I could go two weeks without any.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

That varies on the potency, frequency, and quantity of what you're smoking and your body mass. Could be anywhere from a day or two to several weeks. for YOU, if you're smoking a joint or two once in a while...you'd usually fail without taking some extra measures. After two weeks though, you'd be golden until you smoked again.

[nl5xsk1 0]

It also depends on how much of a fatty you are ... like the Agent said, it's fat soluble. If you dont' have much fat for it to get 'stuck' in, you'll be better off. If you're breaking the scales everytime you stand on one, you're more likely to have pot stored in your system.

 

Packing cocaine is a useful skill

 

If you can make one of those table footballs, you can pack cocaine in a much more convenient way than a tied up baggie (as suggested earlier) ... or so I read on the internet, officer.