If someone wanted to dispose of a body,

[Guest FrigidSoul]

Cop: Dear God, what's all this blood? Is there something you weren't telling us?

 

Suspect: Well...uh...we slaughtered an elephant and prepared it for dinner. You know elephant meat, gots to be fresh!

 

Cop: ...

[Guest Danny Dubya v 2.0]

Big game hunters in the cities these days

 

Pfft, you know the elephants in blue would want to join in on the feast.

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

How'd he get an elephant through the doorway of his house in the first place?

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

I can see the police reading this and laughing at everything that was written here... except for FrigidSoul who's right on the mark on his counterpoints.

 

 

Here's how I would do it:

 

 

Don't do it. There's no such thing as a perfect murder. If you want to kill, kill a random stranger... it's harder to trace it back to you.

[Guest Danny Dubya v 2.0]

Well FrigidSoul's the one who declared it an elephant, not I... but I guess he just took a leg. Fuck if I know. Even that might not fit through the door.

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

I thought of the perfect way! Hopefully thay are people that like using ovaltine or something to mix into drinks.

 

Mix in some kind of poison or whatever into the stuff, hopefully something that matches color. It will probably take a few days or weeks, but the death will happen sooner or later. It would kinda be hard to trace that, although you'd have to know the person enough to be alone in their kitchen.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

I thought of the perfect way! Hopefully thay are people that like using ovaltine or something to mix into drinks.

 

Mix in some kind of poison or whatever into the stuff, hopefully something that matches color. It will probably take a few days or weeks, but the death will happen sooner or later. It would kinda be hard to trace that, although you'd have to know the person enough to be alone in their kitchen.

Wouldn't the poison show up in the autopsy?

[Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0]

Cutting the body up in the shower would work if you kept the shower running straight cold water over the tub for the whole time. Cold water keeps blood from staining on things.

 

Or you could eat the fucker, put some sealent on his bones and then use them as pieces to make a bad as fuck drumkit...

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

I thought of the perfect way! Hopefully thay are people that like using ovaltine or something to mix into drinks.

 

Mix in some kind of poison or whatever into the stuff, hopefully something that matches color. It will probably take a few days or weeks, but the death will happen sooner or later. It would kinda be hard to trace that, although you'd have to know the person enough to be alone in their kitchen.

Wouldn't the poison show up in the autopsy?

But how can they trace the poison to you?

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

I thought of the perfect way! Hopefully thay are people that like using ovaltine or something to mix into drinks.

 

Mix in some kind of poison or whatever into the stuff, hopefully something that matches color. It will probably take a few days or weeks, but the death will happen sooner or later. It would kinda be hard to trace that, although you'd have to know the person enough to be alone in their kitchen.

Wouldn't the poison show up in the autopsy?

But how can they trace the poison to you?

They could check up on where the poison was bought, and then match up the buyer with witnesses' testimony on who knew the victim.

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

OK.....how many corner drug stores sell lethal poison that can limit it to a list of three people? Someone could've just put an over the counter product that can cause fatal illness that people buy every day.

 

Kinda makes it hard to make a description of someone.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

OK.....how many corner drug stores sell lethal poison that can limit it to a list of three people? Someone could've just put an over the counter product that can cause fatal illness that people buy every day.

 

Kinda makes it hard to make a description of someone.

If you're talking about something trivial like cough medicine, I'm sure the victim would go, "Hmm... this is a bit too cherry for my liking...."

[Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes]

Over-dose someone with grinded up asprins....

 

I don't know, I never killed anyone, and probably won't...unless it's in self defense. Then everything is nice and legal.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

Over-dose someone with grinded up asprins....

 

I don't know, I never killed anyone, and probably won't...unless it's in self defense. Then everything is nice and legal.

Now I admit that would be a bit trickier to get, but you would have to risk:

 

 

 

a. Being seen in the victim's house by neighbors or peeping toms.

b. the victim catching on to you after tasting aspirin.

[Nighthawk 0]

You can't kill somebody with aspirin. Trust me.

 

You can cut a body up and flush it down the toilet, it's been done in prison, and that's a pretty small toilet. The skull is the biggest problem, you'll have to crush it into pieces. Dismember in the bathtub, cleanup is simple.

However, if your plumbing system can't handle the relatively heavy workload, it will clog up the pipes. Plumbing repair will get you caught, that's what happened to Dennis Nilsen. So know your pipes before you try that.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

You can't kill somebody with aspirin. Trust me.

 

You can cut a body up and flush it down the toilet, it's been done in prison, and that's a pretty small toilet. The skull is the biggest problem, you'll have to crush it into pieces. Dismember in the bathtub, cleanup is simple.

However, if your plumbing system can't handle the relatively heavy workload, it will clog up the pipes. Plumbing repair will get you caught, that's what happened to Dennis Nilsen. So know your pipes before you try that.

I didn't really think it was possible to kill with aspirin.

 

 

Since this is hypothetical, I still stick to my philosophy that there's no perfect murder.... but should I have to dispose of a body, I would probably systematically take apart the body into many pieces, and then I would feed the parts to a carnivorous animal, like a lion or tiger. (Yes I know this requires a small stroll across the ocean to Africa)

[Nighthawk 0]

Here's a good murder. Go for a stroll at night and cross a bridge. Pretend to see something over the side, when they lean over to look, push em over. If there's no witness, they fell. Solid.

[USC Wuz Robbed! 0]

Here's a good murder. Go for a stroll at night and cross a bridge. Pretend to see something over the side, when they lean over to look, push em over. If there's no witness, they fell. Solid.

It depends on the type of bridge you're talking about. If you're talking of a water bridge, people could survive and swim to safety and point at you while you calmly stroll away whistling. If it was a freeway bridge, then yes... instadeath.

[MrRant 0]

Whatever you do... take that motherfucker's teeth. Those goddamn things always bite you in the ass.

[Guest INXS]

First of all, lay the body on a huge piece of plastic sheeting then strip the body of all it's clothing and jewellery. Extract the teeth using some pliers. Chop the body up into as many pieces as you can, put the clothing and platic sheeting into a bag and then the body parts into another bag. Go to a remote area, preferably as far away from your home as possible and burn the body parts and clothing together. Go back the day after and scoop up as much of the ashes as possible. Take the ashes and bury them in a remote area. Then bury the teeth.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Wait until nightfall, wear some gloves while handling him, put that mofo in the trunk, drive normally, if you live in the desert, dump the body or just bury him if you want to put more effort. If they don't have your DNA and nobody sees you, you can't get caught.

 

Edit: If its a person you know, just bullshit to the police if they ask and fucking stick with your story.

 

Somebody once told me, the perfect way to get rid of a body is to put it in the bathtub and fill it up with bleach. Supposedly, it'll "dissolve" the body. But the guy who told me that was known to be a bullshit artist so take this with a grain of salt.

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

cynicalprofit, planning something?

 

I'd be careful of fingerprints and other evidence, trying to make unavoidable evidence avoidable.

 

This is pretty easy seeing as thought I'm not a suspect and noone's looking for him.

 

In the river or the Lifeline bin.

[Spaceman Spiff 0]

I've heard the "pigs will eat everything" story, too. Pull the teeth, smash them up real good w/ a hammer & flush them, feed everything else to the pigs.

[nl5xsk1 0]

Steal a car. Place dead body in car. Set car on fire. Leave scene of the accident. Unless someone sees you stealing the car, or can trace the stiff back to you, you're golden. Even if the corpse isn't burned beyond repair, and the coroner can confirm that the body was dead before the car-fire, it'd be difficult to trace it back to you.

[kkktookmybabyaway 0]

Just turn yourself in and say you're sorry. You won't be punished that harshly if you say your sorry...

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

If I was going to dispose of a corpse, I would grind the body into sausage and throw a barbecue. I'd bleach the bones and set them up like an anatomical model. All the guts and shit can go to the dogs.

[Ripper 0]

Just burn everything. Come home say oh my god, my place is burning and act even more shocked when a body is found in the house. "Who the fuck was in my house" should be your answer to them. They will believe you because you said "fuck".

[Guest FrigidSoul]

Agent of Oblivion has obviously been watching Fried Green Tomatos too much

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Did it work or did it work? I'd one-up them by donating it to an FOP picnic.

[Nighthawk 0]

Somebody once told me, the perfect way to get rid of a body is to put it in the bathtub and fill it up with bleach. Supposedly, it'll "dissolve" the body. But the guy who told me that was known to be a bullshit artist so take this with a grain of salt.

Nah. Fuck around you'll preserve the body instead of getting rid of it.