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Mr. S£im Citrus

7/13 SWF Smarkdown HOLT Report

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SWF Smarkdown HOLT report

July 13, 2004

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at Mellon Arena

Report by Brian Miller of Kittanning, PA, Smartmarks.com reader

 

Dark Matches:

 

- Munich beat Craig McClennan in 2:18 with the C-4 Crunch.

 

- Ebony beat Jacob Helmsley in 4:44 with the Loving Embrace.

 

- Natasha beat Kelly Connelly in a Bra and Panties match (Chris Card was the special referee).

 

- Max King beat Tryst in 3:26 with the King Buster.

 

- John Duran & Michael Craven beat Tommy Nguyen & “Fruity” Frankie Deed in 7:02 when Craven hit Deed with the Gulf Coast Crunch.

 

- Danny Williams beat Judge Mental in 14:51 with the Buffalo Sleeper.

 

 

 

 

Smarkdown:

 

- After winning the Cruiserweight Title, Spike took the house mic from Funyon and dedicated his victory to his new role model, Toxxic, but he could barely be heard over the loud booing. He then started his own one-man pep rally about how Toxxic can serve as inspiration for all, until everybody in the first six or seven rows started throwing trash into the ring. It took them the whole rest of the commercial break to clean it all up.

 

- Best sign in the crowd: “Superior? Stretch?” ‘Nuff said!

 

- Man, Petey was ON tonight! It’s like he was channeling La Parka, or something! I really thought that he was going to cruise to a win, until he missed that splash in the corner. Birdman’s finisher is pretty sweet, too, but he’s no Petey!

 

- 2nd Best sign in the crowd: “Spike + Toxxic + Davis = STD.”

 

- People HATE Toxxic. Yes, they really do; it takes a special kind of asshole to get people to cheer for Jay Dawg, but somehow Toxxic managed to pull it off.

 

- After the tag team match, there was a brief intermission where they did the G5 drawing, and the guy sitting right next to me won. Damn; so close!

 

- The crowd gave Flesher a lot of shit for using the ADF II but, of course, it didn’t faze him. Flesher taunted the crowd for a few minutes after the match, pantomiming the World Title around his waist and, as he and Alison were leaving the ring, somebody managed to heave a full cup of beer at him that caught him in the back of the head. Flesher pointed him out to Jim Phelps, and got the guy thrown out of the building.

 

- Cortez got the strongest mixed reaction (whatever the hell that means) I’ve heard in a long time when he came down to the ring. He started complaining about having to defend the tag titles without Van Siclen, and then he handed the microphone to the Masked Man. I kind of drifted off after that until he dropped the mic on the table and the squelch woke me back up, but then I saw the two of them shaking hands and one of the Tag Team Title belts on Masked Man’s shoulders, so I figured that something must be up.

 

- After the main event, Janus started to make his way back up the ramp, only to sneak back into the ring as James was trying to help Clark up, and nailed him with another Knuckle Bomb. He then took the mic and proclaimed that it made no difference to him whether Zenon was going to make him wrestle one man at a time, two men at a time, or ten men at a time! He then ran off a whole laundry list of all the guys he’s beaten and said that he owned the SWF, and that there was no force on earth that was going to take the World Title off him.

 

Biggest Pops

1) Dace Night

2) Alan Clark

3) Petey the Irish Penguin

4) Ced Ordonez

5) Johnny Dangerous

 

Most Heat

1) Janus

2) Tom Flesher

3) Toxxic

4) Spike Jenkins

5) Landon Maddix

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Guest Suicide King

Wow. That actually made sense. I suppose that is the difference between when you say it and when G says it, eh Muzzums? ;)

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Wow. That actually made sense. I suppose that is the difference between when you say it and when G says it, eh Muzzums? ;)

That's a damn lie and you know it!

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(As a public service, I will now have Kelly Connelly say some words.)

 

"How DARE SWF put a woman of MY class and MY high standards in something as degrading as a bra and panties match! How DARE people treat me like some brain-dead WWE Bimbo! I should sue this company for sexual harrassment charges right now, because I didn't even KNOW about this match until I arrived at this arena! You're all DAMN lucky that King won his match that night, because if he didn't, I would have to cut this company a new legal asshole!"

 

[Kelly walks off angrily.]

 

Anyway, thanks for putting King in even though I was kinda busy with personal matters.

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At long last, I make an appearence the HOLT's Biggest Pops list. *Takes a picture*

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And thanks for tying my hands for the dark matches, BTW, King; I took a look at the stats pages, and pretty much everybody who wasn't booked for Smarkdown was a heel, except for Munich. :ph34r:

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And thanks for tying my hands for the dark matches, BTW, King

Alas, WC, I don't think SWF management pay all that much attention to the booking of the dark matches. They're obviously our equivalent of Velocity and Heat.

 

There's also a theory that they don't actually exist, but I'd ignore that one if I were you.

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