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Guest FrigidSoul

Do and your daughter watch the Angry Beavers together Rant, or is it just one of your guilty pleasures?

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This guy sounds like the kind of guy I would hang out with. Seriously. The page wasn't that bad either, just a standard fanpage. My only complaint was with the oil derrick randomly thrown at the bottom. Why, dammit, why.

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Guest Birds in the Hotel

When you said worst web page ever, I really thought it would be a link to smarktalk.com.

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The World RPS Player's Responsibility Code


1. Safety First! Always ensure that all players have removed sharp jewellery and watches.


2. Ensure agreement, before the first round, on priming conventions (we recommend the standard 3 prime shoot).


3. Always establish what is to be decided or whether the match is to be played for honour.


4. Pre-determine the number of rounds required to win the match (remember odd numbers only).


5. Encourage novice development by explaining blunders in judgement with a mind towards being helpful. Don't berate.


6. Think twice before using RPS for life-threatening decisions.


7. Always respect foreign cultures. When abroad consider yourself an ambassador of the World RPS Society.




The Official Rules of RPS Play




These general rules apply to all RPS (Rock, Paper, Scissors) games, its tripartite variants known in any permutation and/or combination of the following Scissors Paper Rock/Stone and by any other name that is currently known or unknown to the World RPS Society including Roshambo, Jaken, JanKenPo.




RPS is a decision making game of wits, speed, dexterity and strategy between players who are unable to reach a decision using other means. The result of a game is considered a binding agreement between the players. RPS is a game played by honourable people and therefore every effort should be made to commit to the outcome. The game is played by substituting the elements of: Rock, Paper and Scissors with standard hand signals.



Rule Governance

These rules are governed, maintained, published, updated, authorized and approved by the World RPS Society under the guidance and authority of the World RPS Steering Committee. Any changes are in strict violation of the World RPS Society’s Responsibility Code. Any changes to the rules require a seven-eighths majority ruling by the World RPS Steering Committee, unless, a temporary waiving or amendment is agreed upon by the players prior to play commencing. All temporary amendments are considered ephemeral unless otherwise agreed upon, but must not include any variant throws beyond the basic trinity such as, but not limited to, dynamite, bird, well, spock, god, water, lightning, bomb, matchstick, water, and/or Texas longhorn.



The Set up

1.0 Prior to play commencing the players must agree upon what decision is to be made (and considered binding) as a result of the match. If nothing can be agreed upon and the players wish to continue play, the game automatically defaults to an

"honour" match.


1.1 Players must agree to the number of primes to be used prior to the approach. Two and three primes are most commonly used in most professional level play.


1.1.1 The decision-makers must stand opposite each other with one outstretched fist at waist height with a distance between their fists of no less than 1 cubit and no more than 2 cubits.


1.2 The players also must establish the number of rounds to be played before the match is concluded. If no agreement can be reached, the game defaults to a single round format.



Beginning Play – Pre-Prime Phase

2.0 A "call for prime" is issued by one player to his/her opponent in a RAT (recognizable audible tone).


2.1 A Recognizable Audible Tone, is defined as an utterance that can be heard by the challenging player. Using the word "ready" is considered good form.


2.1.1 In the case of match between or with hearing impared players or in situations where it is critical that silence must be maintained, a mutually agreement upon Recognizable Visual Signal can replace the standard RAT. In this case, a nod of the head while looking directly into the eyes of the other player is standard form.


2.2 A 'return of the call" is then issued by the other player who thus acknowledges the "call for prime", also in a RAT (or RVS).


2.3 Once the "return of the call" has been established, players are considered to be "at ready".


2.3.1 Play may begin anytime after the players are established and recognized as being "at ready".


2.4 Game is considered to be "in play" after any player "breaks ready" and thus "initiates the prime"




3.0 The vertical prime is performed by retracting the outstretched fist back towards the players’ shoulder (players must face each other and perform the prime with arms parallel).


3.0.1 The fist should be retracted towards the players’ own body rather than your opponent’s to avoid possible contact


3.1.0 As soon as one player has "broken ready" and initiated the first prime, it is the responsibility and obligation of the opponent to also begin priming and to "catch" or "synch" the prime with the first player so they can establish an approach and delivery in unison.


3.1.1 The player who has initiated the prime is under the strict obligation to maintain a constant priming speed so as to give his opponent every opportunity to "catch the prime"


3.2.0 The fist must remain in the closed position until the delivery of the final prime. The fist is the only acceptable hand position during the prime.


3.2.1 The fist must remain in full view of the opposing player and may not come in contact with any outside influences that inhibit the opponent’s view


3.3.0 Prior to the delivery of the final prime, the game may be called off for the following reasons only: rule clarification, decision clarification, or injury.




4.0 Once the fist has reached the highest point of the final throw of the last prime, the delivery of the throw is considered to be "in approach". At any time during the approach of this final prime, the hand may be released in any of the following manners:


Rock: represented by a closed fist with the thumb resting at least at the same height as the topmost finger of the hand. The thumb must not be concealed by the fingers.Note: To accommodate different throwing styles, it is considered legal for the first knuckle of the thumb to point downward.


Scissors: Is delivered in the same manner as rock with the exception that the index and middle fingers are fully extended toward the opposing player. It is considered good form to angle the topmost finger upwards and the lower finger downwards in order to create a roughly 30–45 degree angle between the two digits and thus mimic a pair of scissors.


Paper: Is also delivered in the same manner as rock with the exception that all fingers including the thumb are fully extended and horizontal with the points of the fingers facing the opposing player. Use of the "vertical paper" (sometimes referred to as "the handshake") is considered exceptionally bad form.


Throws must be delivered prior to the completion of the approach. The approach is considered finished when the forearm is at a 90-degree angle to the upper body. Any throw not delivered prior to the hand crossing the 90-degree mark shall be considered a throw of rock.




5.0 Participants must exercise extreme dexterity, caution and care not initiate contact between the opposing fists during any point of the priming phase. The direct contact of the fists can cause scraping, chaffing, rapping of the knuckles. Make sure any onlookers are aware of the intentions of the players as the swinging of closed fists can be mistaken as a sign of a potentially combative situation.


5.0.1 Should direct contact occur players should stop play immediately and assess any personal injuries before restarting the prime.


5.1 After players have revealed their throws play must stop until an agreement can be reached as to a winner or if a stalemate situation has arisen.




6.0 Player has the full range of throws to play, as follows:


6.0.1 Rock: wins against scissors, loses to paper and stalemates against itself


6.0.2 Paper wins against Rock, loses to scissors and stalemates against itself


6.0.3 Scissors wins against paper, loses to rock and stalemates against itself


6.1 Players may use any combination of these throws at any time throughout the match. Any throws that are not comforming to the standard hand positions (outlined above) and thus deemed to be a rock (stone), paper, or scissors is considered to be an illegal throw and is thus forbidden. Should a player execute an illegal throw, the opposing player has the right (but not the obligation) to claim immediate victory over the round (not the match). Alternatively, the infringed upon player has the right but not the obligation to replay the current game if he/she so chooses.


6.2 The winner of the round is dictated by the player’s throw which beats that of the opponent. Under no circumstances can a losing throw ever beat a winning throw.


6.3 In the case of a stalemate, where players reveal the same throw the round must be replayed. There are no limits to the numbers of stalemates which may occour in any given match. Should players find themselves in a continuous stalemate situation, also known as "Mirror Play", a good approach can be to take a short "timeout" to rethink your strategy.



Post Game Play

7.0 There is no limit to the number of games, rounds, or matches that can be played in RPS. The game may continue until any and all decisions are reached and is at the discretion of the players involved. Games for honour can be substituded at any point after the conclusion of a match as long as is agreed upon by all players involved before the beginning of the next match.


Note: At the conclusion of the match after the winner has been determined, some players will offer a vertical paper throw or "handshake". While this gesture is seen in other circles as good manners to thank your opponent for the match, it is important to note that this action should not be expected or required in RPS, due to the fact that in general a "Handshake" is used as "deal sealer" between two parties. Since the results of an RPS match are considered to be binding, the "handshake" can be considered a redundancy since, in effect, the " deal" has already been "sealed" with the outcome of the match.



The World RPS Society does not take any responsibility, legal or otherwise, as a result of any actions or in-actions performed as a result of a decision made or changed via the use of the game. In addition, the World RPS Society does not govern, manage, police, or endorse any non-honour activity resulting from a decision made via RPS. It is the sole responsibility of the players’ involved to govern the outcomes of any matches. The World RPS Society does not encourage, endorse, or promote the use of RPS in illegal, immoral, and/or life threatening situations. RPS should only be used in situations where the two parties can not reach agreement via other means or in order to make the decision making process more enjoyable. An offer of using RPS to determine an outcome of a previously decided upon event is in strict violation of the World RPS Society’s Players Responsibility Code and will not be considered binding even if one of the players was unaware of the previous decision. All players assume any and all risks associated with playing the sport. It is not recommended that novices attempt to use the physical versions of the RPS elements as they can cause serious harm or injury if not played properly.


If any further information is required please consult to the World RPS Soceities pamphlet "It’s your life: When not use RPS as a decision making vehicle".


These rules are considered full and complete and cannot be deviated from or altered UNLESS specifically noted to the contrary in the game rules.




Opening Moves


The number of opening moves is limited only by your imagination.


"To the beginner the choices are few, to the expert the choices are many."



Wojek Smallsoa, as quoted in The Trio of Hands, 1962


The most common opening moves tend to be Rock, Paper or Scissors. Proper use of the opening move is crucial to success in the game and can secure the advantage for the remainder of the match. Let's take each of the basic opening moves in turn:


Rock: Use of rock as an opening move is seen by many players to be a sign of aggression. Rock also happens to be the most effortless of the throws and fast reactions are never required to employ it with success. By careful examination of the options and atmosphere of play, a well-placed rock will crush a carelessly thrown pair of scissors every time.


Paper: Paper is actually the most challenging of the basic opening moves since it requires the manual displacement of the most digits. It is therefore generally viewed as the least obvious of opening throws. Should you open with a paper be forwarned that a reply of scissors will cut you down to size in no time flat.


Scissors: Opening with a pair of scissors assumes that you are playing against an opponent who has tight control over their aggressive tendencies and therefore may not open with a scissor-smashing rock . One of the main pitfalls of opening with scissors is the tendency by many to reveal the throw too early, allowing an experienced opponent to easily counter.




Why Study RPS?

Why should I study RPS? What will RPS do for me? As with any sport, the answer to these questions is “That depends on what you put into it.”


RPS is gaming at its most basic, its most fundamental. Take anything away, and it ceases to be a game at all. Every other game, at some level, contains RPS. Like chess or fencing, the rules are simple, but the game itself is as complex as the mind of your opponent.


Playing RPS probably won’t make you rich and famous. Chances are good you won’t win an Olympic gold medal. And it’s not likely to improve your physique, maximize your sex appeal, jump-start your career or expand your memory. Many players have found, however, that studying RPS gives them a greater understanding of how gaming relates to human behavior. In that sense, RPS can help you find success in other areas, but only if you have the determination to work hard and think hard – not just in RPS, but in every area of your life.



Studying Your Opponent

Because RPS is a game of wits, it’s crucial to know your opponent. Does he have noticeable tells? What strategy has she used in the past? Does he throw Rock when he’s angry? Can I make her lose her concentration?


Historically, RPS championships have only admitted players who have won in lesser competitions in order to ensure that every player has data for other competitors to study. The current trends toward open-format competition will give new players an advantage in high-level competitions and possibly break some long-standing RPS “dynasties.”



The Role of a Trainer

Some players choose to retain the services of a personal trainer. Experienced and talented trainers can be invaluable in building an RPS career, but beware of charlatans. There are many “trainers” available for hire who have never been either a competitor or referee and have no qualifications to speak of. Before you sign a contract, find out who you’re dealing with.



The Three Throws


Equal but Not Equal

On the surface, RPS appears to be a game of chance. After all, according to the rules, each throw is equal, right? Each defeats one other throw and loses to one other throw.


Perhaps to a computer the throws actually are equal. To the human mind, that is seldom the case. Whether because of associations with the symbols or the hand positions that represent them, players perceive the three throws to have distinct characteristics. These vary from player to player, but generally fall into some common patterns.


The Character of Rock

Rock, represented by a closed fist, is commonly perceived as the most aggressive throw. It taps into memories of fist fights, tall and unmoving mountains, rugged boulders and the stone ax of the caveman. Without realizing it, most players think of Rock as a weapon and will fall back on it for protection when other strategies appear to be failing.


The Character of Scissors

Scissors are a tool. As children, we use them to cut construction paper for craft projects. As adults, we may cut cloth for clothing or use scissors to open plastic packaging. Scissors are associated with industry, craft work, making things. There is still a certain amount of aggression associated with scissors; they are, after all, sharp and dangerous implements. Scissors, however, represent aggression that is controlled, contained, re-channeled into something constructive. In RPS, scissors are often perceived as a clever or crafty throw, a well-planned outflanking maneuver. As such, players are more likely to use scissors when they are confident or winning.


The Character of Paper

Paper is often considered the most subtle throw. There is nothing aggressive about the limp documents that move through our desks and offices. Even the gesture used to represent paper is peaceful – an open palm like that used in a salute or handshake. Historically, an open palm has been a sign of friendship and peace because an open hand cannot hold a weapon. Some players, who unconsciously perceive Paper as weak or a sign of surrender, will shy away from using it entirely or drop it from their game when they are falling behind. On the other hand, Paper also connects with a player’s perceptions about writing. There is a quiet power in the printed word. It has the ability to lay off thousands of employees, declare war against nations, spread scandal or confess love. Paper, in short, has power over masses. The fate of the entire world is determined by print. As such, some players perceive Paper as a subtle attack, the victory of modern culture over barbarism. Such players may use Paper to assert their superiority and dignity.



Physical Skills


More than Meets the Eye

The basic skills of RPS need no discussion. Most children can be taught to form the three throws with their hands and with a little practice can follow the prime and reveal their chosen throw at the appropriate time.


An advanced RPS player can do more than that. He can use his hands to confuse or deceive an opponent. She can make her opponent believe she is going to throw Rock when she is actually going to throw scissors.



“Cloaking” is the term used for delaying the unveiling of the throw. Put a little more simply, “Cloaking” is waiting until the last possible second to throw Paper or Scissors. Some players will watch your hands for an indication of which throw you are about to use. By not moving your fingers until the last moment, you can fool such a player into thinking you are throwing Rock. Since a hand-watcher will respond to a well-executed cloak with paper, cloaking Scissors is generally more useful than cloaking Paper.



Another step beyond cloaking, “shadowing” is pretending to throw one thing, but changing to another at the last possible moment. This is much more difficult and requires great care in execution. Ultimately, it is up to the judges or referee to decide when that last possible moment arrives and if your hand is on the wrong throw or between throws they are not very forgiving. There are two primary ways in which you can use shadowing. The first is to merely twitch your fingers during the prime. A hand-watching opponent may believe this to foreshadow a throw of scissors or paper, depending on which fingers you wiggle. A more advanced method of shadowing is to change the position of your hand three or four times during the last prime. This has the potential to confuse or distract any opponent and will likely befuddle a hand-watcher completely.


Smoothing Tells

“Tells” are visible behaviors through which a player may unconsciously reveal a throw to an opponent. Everyone has them to some degree – they’ve been the poker player’s friend and enemy for centuries. They are the reason that hand-watchers watch hands, but tells aren’t always in the hands. The face and lips are common places to find tells. Records from a tournament in 1923 mention a player who wiggled his toes before throwing Rock. Tells are one reason why players study one another. Serious RPS players will spend time hunting for their own tells (a trainer helps here) and learning to suppress them. This can be an on-going project, because suppressing one tell can sometimes create another.


Broadcasting False Tells

Of course, if you can suppress tells, you can also create them. This requires intense coordination and concentration, not to mention planning. In order to make advantageous use of a false tell, you must display the tell long enough for an opponent to notice its significance, then break the pattern at a crucial moment to score a win. Timing is everything. It won’t help you to lose several points because of a false tell only to gain one when you break it.


Selecting a Throw

Once the prime has started, you have to make a choice. Will it be Rock, Paper, or Scissors? This is the most discussed and debated aspect of RPS, and the foundation of your strategy. How do you decide?


Chaos Play

Proponents of the “Chaos School” of RPS try to select a throw randomly. An opponent cannot know what you do not know yourself. In theory, the only way to defeat a random throw is with another random throw – and then only thirty-three percent of the time. Critics of this strategy insist that there is no such thing as a random throw. Human beings will always use some impulse or inclination to choose a throw, and will therefore settle into unconscious but nonetheless predicable patterns. The Chaos School has been dwindling in recent years as tournament statistics show the greater effectiveness of other strategies.


Gambit Play

The use of Gambits in competitive RPS has been one of the greatest and most enduring breakthroughs in RPS strategy. A “Gambit” is a series of three throws used with strategic intent. “Strategic intent” in this case, means that the three throws are selected beforehand as part of a planned sequence. Selecting throws in advance helps prevent unconscious patterns from forming and can sometimes reduce tells. Choosing throws in groups of three will prevent you from switching to a purely reactive game while leaving you numerous decision-points to keep the strategy adaptable.


The “Great Eight” Gambits

The mathematically inclined will quickly realize that there are only twenty-seven possible Gambits. All of them have been used and documented in tournament play. Each has several names from a variety of localities. There is no such thing as a “new” Gambit.


The “Great Eight” Gambits are the eight most widely used. There is nothing about these eight that make them superior to any other Gambits, although as a group they can be very effective. Several high-level players built careers on just these eight Gambits. They are, sorted alphabetically by their most common names:


Avalanche (RRR)

Bureaucrat (PPP)

Crescendo (PSR)

Dénouement (RSP)

Fistfull o’ Dollars (RPP)

Paper Dolls (PSS)

Scissor Sandwich (PSP)

Toolbox (SSS)


Beyond Gambits


The strongest criticism of Gambit play is that players still have tendencies to develop patterns. Rather than throwing Rock when angry, a Gambit player may throw Avalanche, resulting in three lost points rather than just one. The true genius of Gambit play, however, is that Gambits can be used as building blocks of larger strategies.


Chain Gambits

“Chain Gambits” are one way of expanding Gambit strategies. A Chain Gambit is a series of five throws, or two Gambits joined by a common throw. For instance, “PSPSS” is a Chain Gambit built from Scissor Sandwich and Paper Dolls. By shifting one Gambit by one throw, a Chain Gambit can prevent your opponent from obtaining multiple successive victories even if she predicts which Gambit you’re using next.


Combination Moves

Gambits and Chain Gambits can also be combined to form longer, complex Combination Moves. By planning your strategy in blocks of six or more throws, you can nearly eliminate reactive tendencies. The downside of Combination Moves is that they can tax the memory. Few things are as disconcerting as forgetting your strategy half way through it.


Exclusion Strategies

“Exclusive Strategies” have been getting a lot of attention lately. An Exclusive player will at least severely limit, if not neglect altogether, the use of one of the three throws. Hence, a “Rock Exclusive” player only throws Paper and Scissors. On the surface, such a strategy seems to give an opponent a serious advantage. By neglecting Rock, a player is vulnerable to Scissors.


Many opponents, however, will focus their entire strategy on predicting when the missing throw will appear – even if it never appears at all! A few players have experimented with “Double-Exclusive Strategies,” using only one throw for a whole game, but the statistics gathered so far do not indicate this is as effective as Single-Exclusion.


“Mystical” Schools

Finally, it bears mentioning that there are also “Mystical Schools” of RPS. These instruct students to select their throw based on some inner force, higher power, or telepathic premonition. Such approaches vary so widely among themselves and results are so mixed (or mixed-up!) that there is no point in trying to catalogue or categorize them. Nevertheless, the well-trained RPS player will be aware that these schools exist and know their basic tenets.





Getting in Your Opponent’s Head

“Meta-strategies” go beyond selecting your throw. In fact, in many cases, their purpose is to let you select your opponent’s throw! Meta-strategies are as numerous as shells on the beach, but they are all based on one of two principles.


The first is: “If you can make your opponent believe what you want him to, you can make him behave how you want him to.” This is usually accomplished through pre-game conversation or in-game banter. No one ever said RPS was played in silence!


Getting Under Your Opponent’s Skin

The second principle of meta-strategies is: “If you can make your opponent react to you, you can play the game for her.” Many players will slip into reflexive habits and strategies when angry, frustrated, afraid, or confused. If you can get your opponent into that condition, you have the control of the match.


Classic Meta-Strategies

If your opponent figures out what you’re up to, meta-strategies can backfire horribly. Worse than if you’d never used them, they can leave you confused and give your opponent control of the match. A good trainer can help you create and hone new meta-strategies as well as show you when to use them and when to leave well enough alone.

Here are a few well-documented meta-strategies to use as examples or as a starting point for building your own:


Old Hat

This is one of the oldest and most well-known meta-strategies of all time. Its effectiveness is minimized by the fact that nearly every player nowadays will recognize the “Ol’ ‘Old Hat’” but as it is the foundation of many more developed meta-strategies, this guide would be incomplete without it.


The purpose of the “Old Hat” strategy is to demoralize an opponent into feeling inferior or intimidated. Common “Old Hat” banter includes:


“I knew that would be your next move.”

“Rock? Hmmm. . . . Frankly I am surprised that Paper obviously didn’t occur to you.”

“This time, actually think before you throw.”

“I don’t suggest using the Avalanche gambit on me; I did invent it, after all.”

If you can successfully anger, frustrate or make your opponent feel inferior, you may be able to drive him into a reactive game and take control of the match.


Crystal Ball

One of the more clever meta-strategies, “Crystal Ball” is a ploy to confuse an opponent and derail what might be an otherwise effective strategy. Like “Old Hat,” this is a simple and time-tested strategy that is more effective as a foundation on which to build than used in its virgin form.


To employ “Crystal Ball,” tell your opponent what she is going to throw:

“You’re going to bring Scissors again, aren’t you?”

If your opponent is unfamiliar with this ploy, you can now be certain she will not throw Scissors. That makes Paper a safe throw.



“Rusty” is a dubious meta-strategy at best. A player using this technique will claim to be “out of practice” and predict his own defeat. This may put an opponent off her guard or instill a false sense of confidence, but this rarely has a significant effect on a match. Still, some players swear by it and continue to include it in their repertoire.


Putting it Together


Probing Your Opponent

When you face your opponent, know what kind of match you’re playing. Is it a lightning round (one throw), best-of-three, long-form game? In short matches, your best bet is to pick a good strategy or gambit and stick to it. In longer matches, you have the opportunity to “probe” your opponent.


Many players will develop and practice several distinct strategies. Often, after the first five or six throws, you can identify which strategy he is using. That helps you determine which of your strategies will be most helpful.


Consequently, many players develop a few opening sequences, from three throws to ten, that are independent of their larger strategies. The only purpose of these openings is to get a sense of how an opponent is going to play the match.


The Backup Plan

Okay, so it’s not working. She’s got your strategy licked and you’re dropping farther and farther behind. Don’t panic! You’ve got a backup plan, right?


When you’re down, the thing to avoid is slipping into reflexive or reactive patterns. You’ll become predictable, your opponent will take control of the match, and you will lose your chance to recover the win.


A better approach is to develop and practice several independent strategies. Some techniques will work wonders against one opponent and fail miserably against the next.


It’s not always easy to know when to switch tactics. Even if you lose three or four throws in a row, your opponent may still be in the dark about what you’re doing. With experience and practice, though, you’ll learn to tell if your opponent has you figured out.


Keeping it Varied

Finally, never stop working on your strategy! Your opponents are studying you as carefully as you’re watching them. Any strategy, no matter how complicated, can be unraveled if you repeat it often enough. Change. Adapt. Replace old tactics with new approaches. Keep your game fresh, and you’ll keep your opponents guessing!


How to Get the Most Out of Coaching Young RPS Players


by Brock Gallati


Becoming a coach to young players can be one of the most rewarding and enjoyable experiences in one's life. But, fostering the development of these kids can be a difficult task to many. Just because you may be a good player yourself does not automatically give you the skills to teach. Some of the best trainers and coaches were never able to “make it’ in professional play, so even if you don’t think you are good enough player yourself, this does not disqualify you from become the single biggest influencing factor in a child’s career.


Obviously it is every coaches dream to find a player such Jasmine Meade (National Womens Junior RPS Champion and subsequent author of the Grrrls Guide to RPS), but unless you take pleasure in having a positive impact on youth, you will never have the right attitude to find, develop and recognize players such as German sensation Ravi Wenngarten.


What should be at front of every coach’s mind is ensuring that with each level change that your are reinforcing the experience as a positive move forward or backward in the lives of a youngster. The developmental curves of players mature at radically different points. Children often start to get serious about RPS during their formative young teen years. This is a very awkward stage for many. Children must endure growth and hormonal issues that combat with their training. Growth spurts in particular must force a player to modify their training and competition techniques in order to cope with the messy and confusing changes that are developing uncontrollably inside their body. Conquering “Muscle Memory” after a particularly ferocious growth spurt may require “unlearning what were once good habits”.


Case Study – Regression Therapy


In this case, “black box” thinking was used to change the behaviour of a player who often got caught in stalemate situations by throwing the same throw as his opponent. “Regression therapy” has the young player engage in a practice training match in reverse by starting with the released throw and end with the prime and thus playing backwards. This is often the only and the best “way out” for a player trying to break out of a stalemating deadlock situation. Be forewarned that young players often tend to rebel against this training technique as they feel it “boring, stupid and pointless” or any combination of these words. Use an outburst like this as a perfect entry point to assert yourself as a coach by stopping the entire practice session to single out the offender with any of the following clout-building comments:


“How they hell (or heck) would you know what is right for you, you’re just a kid”


“Let me ask you, who is the coach and who is the student?? (Don’t let this question be rhetorical, force them to answer it as continual reinforcement of your position over your player)


“Ohh, you want something a little more exciting, drop and give me 70 primes! (Don’t let anyone in the group begin practicing again till the offending player has finished)”


“No abusive backtalk kid, I get enough of that at home (this is a particularly good one as they will often attribute your grumpiness to a poor relationship with your wife)


You think I’m here for your amusement? I’m not a circus clown! (Clowns have a polarizing quality to them as most young children are afraid, yet drawn to them and referring to them is often all that is needed to re-establish your authority and control)


The Coach’s Dilemma


Since RPS is typically played between two players, it can be seen as a zero sum game. For every winner there is a loser. So how does a coach deal with these seemly antipodal situations when coaching two children? Coaches must focus the youngster’s energy towards the “method” rather than the “end result”. Winning is great, but it must not come at the expense of another player losing. Don’t make a big deal about scores. Above all coaches must make the young players “feel” like they are making progress forward, even if they really aren’t.


The Truth of Lies


Herein lies one of the most important hallmarks of coaching. You MUST lie to your young players. If you can make them “feel” like they are progressing through “false confidence” you may be able to successfully delude even the worst RPS player. Young children, tend not to be as smart as adults at this stage in their life. Take advantage of this critical piece of learning a provide false praise with any of the following suggestions:


“Your getting better, I’m thinking of making you Club Captain (If you don’t let the other players hear this, you can use the same line with any number of players to stimulate competition)”


“That’s it kid, sometimes losing is the best way to win”


“The other kids are bums, if you could just get better, I’d have all my hopes on you”


How to Provide “Good” criticism


Often a good technique is to place your criticism between positive comments of the child’s technique. This is known colloquially as “serving up a crap sandwich” Here are a couple of examples you can use:


“Good move, if you are wanting the get you clock cleaned in competition” (the initial ‘good move’ comment gets them ready for praise, which makes this particularly effective)


“Wow, if I didn’t know you better, I would have though you played that scissors by mistake” (This comment also has the effect of making the player think that you actually know them well)


"Where did you learn to play like that!? Not from me, I don’t teach people to lose!" (Useful also as a reminder of how good you are as a coach)


If a child makes a particularity bad move say “interesting use of paper and rock play but I think the strategy you are using is a way beyond your skill set right now.”


Dealing with Really Bad Players


Can’t find anything good to say about a certain dimwitted player. No problem, memorize a couple of stock answers:


“Interesting Gambit play there kid, you make that up all by yourself?”


“You are playing even worse than you were yesterday” (very good, as it confirms that you are keeping a close eye on their game )


“It’s all in the prime, try concentrating more on that rather than what you’re going to throw”


Appealing to “Beyond Help” players


If there is nothing positive say about a player then your only option at this point is to pepper them with confusing notions to make the child “feel” that they are being coached even when they are uncoachable. Many children at this age are terrified of their coaches, so use this to your advantage. As an added bonus, the more that children have difficulty understanding your direction and teaching, the more they will respect and want to learn from you. This also has the effect of keeping the children under your “grip”, as they will continue to see you as the only way out of their pitiful slump.


Dealing with Fast Learners


Remember if a child happens to develop too fast, this can often lead to cockiness or an inflated view of their skills. It is absolutely critical for a coach not to let the child know they are progressing too fast as it will undermine your authority over the player which can lead to errosion of the coach/player divide. Techniques that one can use to keep a player from “developing beyond your own coaching skills” are:


Tell them within earshot of the other club members that their use of the Avalanche Gambit or the reverse Scissors switch will never work outside of the confines of this gym against “real” players.


Another technique is to tell them about previous players who showed a lot of promise and who got cut down in no time flat once they got into competition play.


Best Practices for Developing a Good Club


The key to being a good coach is to keep your best players around for as long as you can. Having good players around is the best way to attract other young players.What you are trying to do is create a little world around where the children see you as the all-knowing wise absolute leader and master of RPS thought. Managing the different skills levels of your players is critical to the long term success of your organization. It is all about balance. It is the mid-range players that are often the most lucrative to coaches as you can keep them around the longest which leads to more coaching fees.


Dealing with Slow-Learners


Keep the crappy children around in order to boost the confidence of your mid-range players. Mid-level players need these crummy players around so that they always have someone to beat should they need a confidence boost.


Curious Onlookers


Invite the really young children to watch the other club members play, but never let them play themselves. Make them feel like they have to earn the right to play RPS. A great side-effect of this, is that it provides you with instant control and respect over these kids before they are even paying members of your RPS club. By the time you actually allow them to play they will be so honoured that it will take years before they dare to second guess anything you say.


Mid-Level Players


The key with mid-range players is that it is an absolute must to make them feel like they are always “almost” there. A good technique can be to make constant references to some “mystical” knowledge that you hold that they aren’t quite ready to learn. This keeps the mid-level player hungry. Deep down inside they already know that they will never make it and it is the promise of this false hope of “mystical” knowledge being passed that keeps them playing. Managing these players correctly can often keep a child under your tutelage for years longer than they would otherwise.


Dealing with Protégés


The promise of coaching fees at the lower levels must not deter your from taking advantage of the wonderful opportunities that present themselves should a truly gifted Rock Paper Scissors player come your way. If you are going to get the most from this player, it is important to recognize them early and plan accordingly.


Many coaches have ridden on the coat tails of “divine” players their whole careers. Remember, tournament purses pale in comparison to the marketing endorsement contracts. Every good coach should know how to position the personality and style of the player that can be so attractive to potential sponsors. Keep abreast of the other Tournament players. What angle will position your player as unique and different in the circuit? Do you want your player to be the “Bad Boy” that fans love to hate or do you want to foster a more “All-American” look that may lead to more mass appeal? Will a unique haircut be your ticket to marketing nirvana? Some players even find that getting rid of their hair and going bald gives them the “attitude” needed to stir up the crowd into a frenzy. Combine this with a goatee and you can create a very “rebellious look”. (Note: may young players have trouble growing facial hair, so plan accordingly). Get to know the other coaches and orchestrate a newsworthy “rivalry” between your players. Having one player accuse another of “big-time cheating” can often lead to increased interest at the next tournament This extra PR can be just the right push to get your player in the “big Leagues” of sponsorship deals.


Early Stage Development Issues


Before you can get into any of these critical areas of play, you have to take great care in developing this talent. Once you have identified a potential world-class player, do not let them know their abilities until you have had a chance to get them under your total control. Never let on that they are any better than the worst player in your league. Let’s be clear, there is nothing you can teach a World Class RPS player that could be of any real value. This point can not be stressed enough, the longer you can keep this player down the more they will attribute their eventual rise to you. The benefit is threefold, it will ensure that you keep control of this player, it will increase the respect you deserve within the RPS coaching community and more importantly attract more young players (and thus more dollars) to your club.


Other Coaching Tips


Make sure to tell young payers that they must continue to train to keep their skills at their peak. This is just common sense. The more often that you make them train, the more fees you can collect fees from them over time.


If you are considering club t-shirts, make sure to charge at least 50% more than they are worth. If you have a lot of students this kind of extra money can supplement your coaching fees quite nicely. Also consider, developing both “home” and “away” shirts for weekend tourneys as this can easily double the potential t-shirt revenues available to you


Always charge a coaching supplemental on any competition fees for your players. Get them used to paying you this fee early in their career and they are unlikely to question it for years to come.



Good coaching can be summarized as:


Play down the skills of your best players.


Keep your mid-level players confused.


Play up the potential of your worst players.


Maximize your revenue opportunities.


RPS: A Condensed Cultural History


There is tremendous difficulty in tracing RPS back to its earliest roots since the game leaves very little trace in the anthropological record. Anthropologists hired by the World RPS Society have scoured the sites of hundreds of ongoing archaeological digs, but to date have found little conclusive evidence.


While numerous stone statuettes of hands in the traditional RPS positions have been found in Greece, there is very little written evidence about how the game was played or what role it played in the day to day lives of the republic. One of the few references that has surfaced refers to a man in a tavern who had “the ability to predict his rival’s next choice in the game of hands and thus grew rich.” This reference points conclusively to the use of RPS in early republican politics.


The bulk of research into the beginnings of the game have focused on what is known as “piggyback research”. That is using the findings of related historical studies into Geology, Hieroglyphics and Ancient Tool-making. What has been discovered through this novel approach may surprise some. Through intimate studies of the geological record, it has been uncovered that the roots of Rock date back hundreds of years earlier than the human race was thought to exist. Through anthropological studies into the history of writing we have discovered that an early form of paper, or papyrus, was well in use by 100 BC. The final piece of the puzzle fell into place when an exhaustive metallurgical study revealed that the first known scissors were invented in the year 500 by a cutter of hair, named Isidore of Seville, Italy. This vital discovery has allowed us to pinpoint the earliest possible invention of the game in the form we know it today.


Cultural Variations of RPS


The World RPS Society made significant investments in Internet technology in 1995 in order to foster the largest RPS intra-cultural study to date. The information garnered through hundreds of correspondents from every corner of the globe has helped to create the largest database of RPS variations to date. A partial list is as follows:



Paper Scissors Stone (United Kingdom)


Muck Chee Baa (Indonesia)


Janken or JakenPon (Japan)


Jan Ken Po (Hawaii)


Roshambo/Roshambeau (USA)


Stone Scissors Well (France)


Hammer, Nail, Paper (Vietnam)



The most intriguing conclusion from the study other than the sheer mind-numbing number of names for the game was that each culture studied attempts to lay claim to having invented the game. The World RPS Society’s on staff actuaries and logicians have assured us that the odds of more than one or two cultures developing the game independently, with all of it’s dizzying complexity, approaches zero. The question of which culture actually “invented” the game has been considered by many to be the underlying cause for several of today’s most heated national rivalries on the World RPS Pro circuit.


The World RPS Society ORIGIN Task Force (Official Research Into Game-development by Independent Nations) released their report stating, “There is no doubt. Through the evidence gathered by this task force, that the game of Rock, Paper, Scissors was independently invented in both Eastern Europe and China. The evidence is overwhelming, conclusive and inarguable.”


This finding came into question only years later and the ORIGIN Report was ultimately rejected by the Steering Committee. The ORIGIN Review process, under the watchful eye of the Steering Committee was a painstaking investigation into all of the source material used by the task force. After the review was about to be abandoned due to an inability to find several of the “secret” or “damaged” documents referred to in the report, an enterprising young secretary closely examined the task force roster and later uncovered that the entire compliment of the task force could be described as “of immediate Oriental or Czech descent.”


The Oriental link to the game is based upon its close resemblance to the Martial Arts. Most RPS scholars believe that the Martial Arts likely developed as a result of a losing player, dissatisfied with the outcome of an RPS match, turning to their fists. This lead to RPS players placing a much greater emphasis on mentally and physically preparing themselves in the event that a match turned violent. In order to discourage less prepared players from taking up physical action after a loss, different coloured belts were displayed as a warning. This “dragon-style” RPS, as it began to be known, eventually became popular in its own right and players soon began purposely losing in order to instigate physical conflict. Eventually, players dropped the pretense and RPS and the Martial Arts developed as seperate entities.


Our first sign of the game appearing in Europe comes from France. Likely in the mid 1700s when trade began to accelerate between Europe and China, we suspect that the game migrated into France along with the various sea-faring expeditions. The game eventually became synonymous with a military commander by the name of Jean Baptiste Donatien de Vimeur, also known as le Comte de Rochambeau (1725-1807). He was commander in chief of the French forces during the American Revolution. However, to date we have uncovered no clues as to how the game developed the utterly absurd name of Roshambo in many southern areas of the United States.


Strategies from the Outreach Tour


Courtesy: Bill Helfer


Before RPS Guru Master Roshambollah’s untimely death, he embarked upon a large Outreach tour. These final strategies have been compiled from his learnings:



Exclusionary Tactics

One carefully chooses a throw and refrains from using it during a tournament, game, etc. The tension built with this tactic can become all but unbearable to an opponent who is forever waiting for "the rock to drop." In the long term, this is of course an unworkable strategy, but in the short term it can go quite far. Definitely a good tactic to have in the toolbox.



This school of play suggests that the optimal throw tends to be whatever your opponent has JUST thrown. So, if you throw rock and they throw paper, your next throw should be paper. In some private testing, it was found that this style of play will almost ALWAYS result in a reversal at the end of the second round of a best of three (i.e., when using this strategy, you will almost always end up 1 and 1 before the last throw.) But the tactic does not seem to work appreciably well if one is already ahead.


Inclusive Tactics

This is one of the more successful "short-term reactive" strategies. When using this strategy, one takes note of the throws just thrown, and if they are not identical, one's next throw is the third needed to complete the trinity. For instance, if you and an opponent throw rock and paper, your next throw is scissors. This strategy works very well whether one is already ahead or behind. Of course both this strategy and the preceding one fall short whenever a tie occurs and both are mute on what to do during the next throw.


Reverse Profiling

This ingenious ploy involves manipulating one's opponent through psychological means. It is a variation of the LOT school, or "Least Obvious Throw". Instead of figuring whether one should be aggressive and throw rock or more devious and play paper, one factors in what the opponent's perceptions already are. If I show up at an open match, wearing a leather jacket with chains, combat boots and a five day stubble, most people will throw paper, assuming I'm a rock-throwing rogue. Of course, my scissors are

at the ready in this case. One may use this tactic with any of the three throws.


The Hybrid Approach

One of the more promising developments is the cross-pollination of these different schools. There seems to be a hybrid vigor at work here, with crossbreeds being more successful than their parents. The last strategy, reverse profiling, works very nicely in case of tie when used with the previous two strategies, especially when one is also pushing a pseudo-exclusionary stance with the same throw. This adds to the dramatic impact amazingly, and can unsettle many opponents. The Inclusive tactic works best as a stand-alone, but can be supplemented with a round of copycat if it seems that an opponent plans on winning a best of 3 in 2 straight


Strategic Analysis of the "Great Eight" Gambits


Courtesy Bill Helfer


This is another article written by the late RPS Guru Master Roshambollha

during his famous outreach tour.


A strong opening is key for achieving high-level play. Using the indispensable "Great Eight" gambits ,we may gain a better understanding of the options at our disposal.


PAPER- arguably the strongest opening from a Great Eight perspective, as a player can throw four different gambits off of this opener. None of these have Rock in the second round, which makes Scissors a fine second round throw vs a Paper opening. The most that a Great Eight player can do is tie, and may just lose, if attempting Bureaucrat. If one is wise enough to throw Scissors after a Paper opening, one will still have three possible gambits open (Scissor Sandwich, Paper Dolls, Crescendo.) Also, opening with Paper immediately eliminates the majority of RPS players who will come out



ROCK-Rock fares better than scissors as an opening throw, as there are three gambits that begin with Rock. Of these three, two of the gambits end in paper (Fistful & Denoument). Therefore, when an opponent opens with Rock, you may advantageously throw Scissors in the third round. This will be dangerous if your opponent is Avalanching, but you should have ample warning. Note: the three gambits with a rock opening each have a different second round throw. Even though Paper has more possible gambits, it does not offer this degree of second-round fluidity.


SCISSORS-The least common opening, and with good reason: the strength of scissors is in the second round. The only gambit that opens with scissors is the ToolBox, therefore Rock often decimates such an opponent in short order. Throw Rock in the second and third rounds vs a Scissors opening.


But how to proceed past the Opening throw? Again, the gambits are our guide. Round 2 is where Scissors shine, as five of the Great Eight gambits have Scissors as the second throw. The penultimate Round 2 throw, scissors dispatch the rank amateur who emulates "the throw what beat his rock." Paper use is highly uncommon in Round 2 (seen only in two gambits) and second round rocks are as rare as four leaf clovers (unless one is attempting to avalanche.) In Round 3 Paper again is the most common throw, used in half of the classic Great Eight. Rock and Scissors are tied at two

gambits each in this position.


This would suggest that the most fluid gambit, and the one with the highest chance of winning, is the humble Scissors Sandwich. It is both a "kiddie killer" (in the sense of taking out newcomers) as well as an "Old Timer Underminer" through deceptive use of the symmetrical Paper in rounds 1&3. Also, after the initial opening of Paper and Scissors, the wise player has the choice of continuing with the Scissors Sandwich, or proceeding to a Fistful o' Dollars or perhaps a classic Crescendo. Fluidity of play is a hallmark of Mastery.


Penalty Systems for RPS Tournaments


By Julian O'Shea


In the perfect world of Rock-Paper-Scissors tournaments, there would be no need to have a system in place to deter foul and unfair play. Unfortunately, this is not the case and tournaments are ripe with incidents, both accidental and deliberate, that require tournament officals to step in and deal with such behaviour. In my opinion, there is not currently a system in place to best deal with offending competitors, and I also feel that there should be grass roots changes in the Penalty System used in rps tournaments.


I personally am a strong proponant for the introduction of the Card Penalty System to be introduced in tournament Rock-Paper-Scissors. At tournament level, competitors are expected to be at a higher level of skill and experience than in your usual 'friendly' games of rps. Due to this one could expect there to be a lesser occurance of incidents requiring penalties. However, the emotion, pressure and adrenaline of tournament level competition can cause even the most experienced and hardy rps players to make accidental penalty-worthy mistakes. Far more ugly in tournament play are the deliberate moves made by competitors that must be penalized harshly in an attempt to remove them completely from tournaments.


In the Card System of penalties, a player is given a Yellow Card for minor displays of rule infringements, and a Red Card for the much more serious offences. If a player receives three Yellow Cards in a single rps match then they are forced to concede the remainder of the match. A Red Card ends the match at that point, and the offending player forfiets the remainder of the match. Different tournaments differ greatly on other treatment of penalised players. Some tournament rules state that a player that loses more than one match due to penalties over the course of the tournament is ineligible to play out the remainder of the matches, this is quite an important ruling in rps tournaments that span a few days, forcing many players to be more reserved in their technique in fear of play infringments. Most tournaments treat penalized players on a case by case basis, with decisions being made by the tournament officials.


The most common rps errors that warrants a Yellow card, predominantly made by rookie players, is the early shoot. More rounds than I could care to remember, starts with one of the competitors displaying their opening while their opponent is still on their prime. The most commonly way to deal with this is problem is both players to stop, pause and recompose themselves, and continue with no penalty to either side. In a friendly game of rps this is how I recommend players deal with this, the most common of rule errors. In tournament play, when the stakes are so much higher this should be dealt with in a different manner. In future I feel the judge or adjudicator should give the infringing player a Yellow Card, as a penalty for interupting the flow of the game and causing their opponent to lose concentration and game rhythm. If the judge feels that the player causing the infringement is of such an inexperienced standard, then they may, as their judgement dictates, simply offer a warning. Using this penalty system I have seen some expert players request that their far less experienced opponents not receive the Yellow Card in some truly uplifting and quite emotional displays of good sportsmanship.


The other major cause of Yellow Cards being issued is the mixed throw. This occurs when one player decides at the very last second (in actual fact, too late) to change from their decided throw to another. This ends up with a hybrid throw that cannot easily be determined what the intention of the player was supposed to be. The most common of these is when a player goes to throw paper and at the last second changes to a scissors throw. The 'scrunched hand', often with all fingers pointing in different directions is a far too common and unpleasant sight for rps tournament officials who get called in to make a decision in reference to the throw. Usually they will call for an undecided verdict and get the players to replay. The reason why a penalty must be enforced is their opposition has just shown exactly what they had intended to throw.

This is not a fact that I am proud of, but in the past I have been guitly of the 'scrunched hand' throw. The scenario was: I was about to throw what I thought was a match-winning Rock, and realized (at the very last second) I had incorrectly worked out the gambit my opponent was playing. Trying desperately to correct my throw to a Paper I ended up with a hybrid mess. These were in the days well before penalties, but as an rps player who believes in ethics, I chose to forfeit the round, and had to fight back to win the match in a later round. This would have been the perfect place for me to receive a Yellow Card and accompanying warning.


Events that justify the handing out of Red Cards are some of the worst things one can see at rps tournaments. There is no need to go into much detail and there are almost no reasons when the following events can be justified as legitimate actions.

* Contact while playing rps, especially with a strong-handed rock, is unacceptable behaviour and warrants a Red Card outright. If the contact is seen to be accidental then a Yellow Card should still be given to the player who was playing recklously to allow such contact to occur.

* Mental Disintigration that goes above and beyond what is reasonably expected in the sport, including racial and other derogitary slurs. This is something that must be stamped out of the game to ensure a clean future for the game.

* Deliberate distraction of the opponent. The severity of this as judged by the referee determines whether it is a Yellow or Red Card offence.



This system of penalties for use in tournament play I feel is a way of making the tournament game a much more equitable system and is tough on the aspects of the game that the world rps community is strongly against. In the same way steroid testing and hard drug rules, introduced earlier this decade, have lead to an almost complete erradication of tainted tournaments, I feel that this penalty system could do the same for other aspects of the game. Having seen this system implemented, the only negative comments I have heard, are from the players who use an undesirable style of play are forced to re-learn the sport in the correct and honest way that it was designed to be played. The future of rps tournaments looks good, if the governing body of tournaments continues to review the rules and penalties to ensure they are keeping with the mood and style of the current Rock Paper Scissors community.


DECIPHERING THE SCISSOR ANGLE: Using Body Language to get the Edge


by Julian O'Shea



At a brief glance, the game of Rock Paper Scissors appears to be a game based entirely on chance. There are three throws, each of which can beat, draw or lose to your opponents throws. For a novice with this attitude, it most likely comes as a shock when they consistently are getting beaten by veteran players. In this article I expose some of the information that an in-tune rps player can gather, simply by examining the body language of the player, to give themselves the edge.


This guide first looks at the major styles of play that your opponent could fit into. Of course virtually no player perfectly suits one general strategic style, it is a helpful way of gaining some sort of insight into the type of gameplay you can expect from them.


1) The Aggressive Player: Often a younger player, they are someone who tries to use speed to quickly win the game, before their opponent gets settled and starts to comfortably use their own strategies. They tend to use the hard hitting throws, with major emphasis on Rock, with the next-aggressive Scissor throw as the secondary choice. Expect Rock-heavy gambits, with Avalanche being a sign of an obviously aggressive player.


2) The Sly Competitor: a player who uses deep skill, rather than raw aggression throughout the match. Something the Sly Player will often do, is try to play out long matches (as this situation is when this tactic is best) so watch out for this. Also, look out for plenty of paper and a few paper/scissors switches. The Sly Competitor often calls upon the great eight gambits, especially Scissor Sandwich, Paper Dolls or even a Bureaucracy.


3) The Meta-Gamer: someone who uses no

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on-conventional tactics in their game. This often is someone who will decide their throw depending on the result of the previous round. Common strategies include making a throw that is different from the two (or one in case of a tie) that have just been played or a mirroring technique.



The Scissor-Angle



The 'Scissor-Angle' analysis is a technique really only used by experience rps players, as it is difficult to make judgements quickly and accurately; although with practice it is a deadly tool to add to the competitive rps player's arsenal. The 'Scissor-Angle' is defined by the International Dictionary of RPS Terms and Terminology as "the angle made between a player's index and middle finger on the throw of scissors." Something which is great about the Scissor-Angle, is that although players have fingers that differ greatly in size, there is little difference in the actual angle formed when making this rps throw. In a report conducted in the early nineties about this topic, which surveyed over 1,500 rps players worldwide, (Stewart and Smith: The Scissor-Angle and it's place in Modern RPS), it was concluded that the average angle thrown is 18.4 degrees.


They gave some suggestions to the meaning of this angle and did some statistical correlations about whether the angle did have any relation to the style of play. More research has been done since and the following is a simplistic guide about what the angle can mean.



Angle Possible Conclusion

< 15 Opponent is experience, confident, expect deceptive throws

15 - 22 Average throw, hard to tell - expect a set of common throws/gambits

23 - 30 Average to aggressive. Expect in increase in rock throws.

> 30 A Hyper-Aggressive player - After this throw expect an Avalanche or more!

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When you said worst web page ever, I really thought it would be a link to smarktalk.com.

And how would someone new know about a website that folded about a year ago?

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When you said worst web page ever, I really thought it would be a link to smarktalk.com.

And how would someone new know about a website that folded about a year ago?

Now I know he's someone's gimmick.


Ban his ass.

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Guest Birds in the Hotel
When you said worst web page ever, I really thought it would be a link to smarktalk.com.

And how would someone new know about a website that folded about a year ago?

God forbid, I could have been to smarktalk before I ever signed up here!!!


"TSM canon"-Before TSM forums, there WERE NO OTHER FORUMS!!!!



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Guest Dids

And here I thought this thread was about MY site.


Except that mine doesn't suck- it's just somewhat unthrilling at times.

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Guest The Winter Of My Discontent

I can't believe Inc took the time to give birth to and type those rules.

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Dr. Incandenza, with a Ph.D in RPS

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Guest Birds in the Hotel
Birds has obv. been around awhile, you doofuses; he started a thread parodying the New Me's blog thread from last fall.

I've been a lurker of the boards, but never cared to post until I saw fit.


Would the plural of doofuses be doofai?

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Guest Dids

You never cared to post until you saw fit- and then you "saw fit" to do so like 3 billion times in any number of topics.

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I wouldn't.

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Guest Dids

There's a suck mutiplying factor that states


(post count * X = the effective post count),


wherein x=how much you suck




"effective post count"=what it feels like having read your posts in terms of time that could be better spent hitting yourself with something.


In your case X is high enough where 3 billion is frankly- low.

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Guest Birds in the Hotel

Hmmm. That is somewhat interesting. It's a shame that you have so much time to develop said rule, but interesting none the less. You must be the Roger Ebert of TSM then.

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I've been itching to use this:



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