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Guest El Satanico

worst horror movie ever?

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Guest El Satanico

"New details have come out regarding the upcoming WWE horror movie Eye Scream Man that will star Kane. The film will be filmed in Queensland, Australia. Vince McMahon will serve as the executive producer. Joel Simon will be the producer and Gregory Dark will direct. Here is the story summary, "The film is about a group of teens from a juvenile corrections facility who are assigned to renovate a dilapidated hotel over the weekend and wind up being terrorized by an insane serial killer who lives there."

 

Eye Scream Man? EYE SCREAM MAN!?

 

What the hell kind of dumb ass title is that.

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If this involves Kane dressed up like the Good Humor man and making wise cracks about different kinds of ice cream as he kills people then I'm there.

 

You cannot pass up something that sounds so bad that it'll be hilarious. I haven't felt more laughter build inside of me since HOUSE OF THE DEAD.

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Guest El Satanico

Oh yeah It'll be hilarious, but I'm sure Vince will be taking it deadly serious. Of course thinking of Vince sitting at his desk speechless when he discovers people are only watching it to laugh at, will only add to the hilarity.

 

 

:kid gets thrown off roof and lands on rocks:

 

Mmmm...rooockyyy roooad...ha..ha...haaaa

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Personally, if I worked in the WWE, I would suggest doing a zombie horror/comedy like "Shaun of thee Dead" or "Return of the Living Dead", or a straightforward zombie action/horror flick like "Junk". Besides, zombies are the in thing these days.

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Guest Staravenger
If this involves Kane dressed up like the Good Humor man and making wise cracks about different kinds of ice cream as he kills people then I'm there.

That is too funny... Anyone know how to do that photoshop stuff or whatever to paste Kane's head in the body of a good humor man?

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Guest El Satanico

Of course Kane's the villian. Who else would he play, the janitor who comes back to get something and ends up helping the survivors fight back using his janitorial skills.

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It'll probably be better than Van Helsing.

 

Plus, I'm thinking Kane will be dressed as a giant eyeball monster DRESSED AS an ice cream man. Then he can assault his victims with eye puns, too.

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Of course Kane's the villian. Who else would he play, the janitor who comes back to get something and ends up helping the survivors fight back using his janitorial skills.

Never underestimate the power of the mop.

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Nothing can be worse than Cabin Fever.

That was good.

 

Greg Dark directing is good. He's the kinda guy who'll do some outlandish shit but you can't quite tell if he's being serious or joking. Which is about right for something like this.

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Oh, with a title like that how could this possibly be taken seriously? I laughed my ass off when I first heard the title.

 

I bet it actually draws decent money. It'll draw more than The Marine anyway. At least Eye Scream Man sounds hilariously cheesy...The Marine just sounds dull and boring.

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Guest El Satanico

draw money?

 

:laughs and points at the spot reserved for it at Blockbuster:

 

Hopefully it has a pretty box ala Uncle Sam.

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Kane's hilarious over the top acting will make this an instant classic.

 

I'll mark if he does the Fire Marshall Bill impression in it!

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Oh and nothing on the planet can be worse than PINATA! DEMON ISLAND

 

Whatever the hell Jamie Pressley and Nick Brendon were thinking is beyond me. Although I think liquor was involved.

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Guest NaturalBornThriller4:20
If this involves Kane dressed up like the Good Humor man and making wise cracks about different kinds of ice cream as he kills people then I'm there.

Did that.

 

I remember a movie from about 10 years ago called Ice Cream Man with Clint "Ron's Brother" Howard.

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Oh and nothing on the planet can be worse than PINATA! DEMON ISLAND

 

Whatever the hell Jamie Pressley and Nick Brendon were thinking is beyond me. Although I think liquor was involved.

Pressley actually talked about the film about six months before it's DTV release on Conan. She said that when she signed up for the film, it was a couple months after Scary Movie blew up big, so she thought that she was dealing with a spoof. She read the script and thought it was hilarious.

 

Only thing was that when she showed up to the set, it wasn't being played for laughs, and she realized just how screwed she was.

 

Bad movie, but not the worst ever made.

 

Ax' Em and Creepin', both from York Entertainment, are easy candidates.

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The film will be filmed in Queensland, Australia.

As a Queenslander I was actually excited when I first read this. Then i realised that the movie will likely be crap and just tarnish our image.

 

As for the worst horror movie ever - I saw a film years ago which I believe was called 'Man from Deep River' (could be wrong, there were a few movies similar). It was a cannibal flick, it was crap, and nothing on Earth could prepare me for the penis eating scene.

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I've seen so many bad horror movies, here's a few I'm going to name off

 

Feardotcom (I literally screamed and cursed at the screen during this one. My God what a horrible film)

House of the Dead (Worst.Zombie.Movies.Ever.)

Exorcist II (Obvious)

Dreamcatcher (Hell, the book sucked, why would you want to make a movie of it?)

Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Almost as bad as furry porn)

The Fanglys (Newer film. Never watch this)

Most of the Amytyville movies (I knew a girl who was scared of the Dollhouse one. Obviously, she's never seen "Audition", though she hates Japanese films, and the Japanese in general)

New York Ripper (Possibly the worst giallo film ever made. I still don't get the appeal of Lucio Fulci. I mean sure, his films are atmospheric and gory, but they are fucking awful IMO)

Lurking Fear (Not even the presence of Jeffrey Comb's and Hellraiser I and II's Ashley Lawrence could save ths abomination of one of my favorite Lovecraft stories)

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The Fanglys (Newer film. Never watch this)

That's actually on my list of films to rent. Since I have the $9.99 MVP pass from Hollywood Video, I'll still rent it, but save it for a night that I'll be getting inebriated or something.

 

I actually just learned that Fanglys was made on a $2400 budget, so take that feat into consideration when tearing the film apart.

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Guest The Winter Of My Discontent

Will Kane be playing his kane wrestling character?

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I've seen a hell of a lot of really bad horror flicks. Lovecraft had a pretty damn comprehensive list. "Return of texas chainsaw" and "house of the dead" were easily at the top of my list. "The tommy knockers", "oasis of the zombies",and most of the children of the corn sequels are also on my list.

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Cabin Fever was terrible.

 

Hellraiser is pretty crappy. I'm sure someone will disagree with me. The best part of the movie was at the end of the VHS the old woman on their trying to peddle Hellraiser merchandise.

 

Get your Hellraiser gym bag, and along with that get a Hellraiser coffee mug.

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