Myxamatosis 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Taken from his website, which just opened: "My name is Daniel Puder. I' m pure madness baby, with 18 inch pythons, weighing a massive 240 lbs. and a stalking 6 foot 2 inches. I am the fleeting image of Lex Lugar. Who else can subscribe to my 35 inch legs? The one word to describe me is intensity. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, and I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, and I am subject of numerous documentaries. When I am bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don t perspire. I am a private citizen yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby-Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On the weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed an emergency open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have yet to win in Tough Enough." Fuckin' hilarious if you ask me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest LooneyTune Report post Posted December 11, 2004 God this guy can't even cut a promo in paragraph form. Makes me want to vote for Mizanin... if Mizanin didn't completely suck. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest I *Heart* Jeff Weaver Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Anyone else get the impression that he sat at his computer with a thesaurus? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewTS 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I... Daniel Puder is a man who could learn to vary his sentence structure a bit. Don't just say "I this" and "I that." Tell me what Daniel Puder can do for me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mister foozel 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I... Daniel Puder is a man who could learn to vary his sentence structure a bit. Don't just say "I this" and "I that." Tell me what Daniel Puder can do for me. i hope you're joking or maybe you didnt read it aloud Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adam 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I don't care what anyone else thinks, that was fucking great. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lightning Flik 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I'm dying from laughter, this is just fucking brilliant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ced 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I am the fleeting image of Lex Lugar Aside from the fact that he can't even spell his name right, shit...do you really want to promote that? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest LooneyTune Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Lots of people spell it "Lugar." It's just usually people with an IQ that makes them flunk out of 2nd grade that do it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JoeDirt 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 PWInsider is reporting this thing was taken from one of those "buy an essay" websites. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Trivia247 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 On great the Male Diva Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Phenom Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Mizanin's website's better. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewTS 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I...I... Daniel Puder is a man who could learn to vary his sentence structure a bit. Don't just say "I this" and "I that." Tell me what Daniel Puder can do for me. i hope you're joking or maybe you didnt read it aloud Oh, I know what I said--get your mind out of the gutter. I was just regurgitating rhetoric from my business professors. "Tell them not what you can do for yourself, tell them what you can do for their company." PWInsider is reporting this thing was taken from one of those "buy an essay" websites. Puder's already getting used to having his promos scripted? He's a natural! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JaimieOliver Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Pruder's parent must have been terrorits, cuz this is the bomb. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Corey_Lazarus 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 ...you should die of gonorhea for that joke... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Eclipse 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Puder, as much as some out there are impressed with what he has done, sucks in the promo area. THAT was the worst crap I have ever seen come out of his mouth and then onto many computer screens everywhere... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Mike Haseloff Report post Posted December 11, 2004 It'd be cool if he accidentally mistook JBL for Mike Mizanin, and slapped him around for real - thus, costing him the belt in the main event The only drawback is, Puder would be guaranteed some Texas style anal sex later that night. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest QUP2CME Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I don't think Puder is seriously that dumb to come up with that dribble. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tekcop 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I actually think it's awesome. Too bad it isn't at all original. http://www.shabbir.com/jokes/college/essay.html Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AnonymousBroccoli 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Google "godlike trombone playing". It's all over the place. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Art Sandusky 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 How can people not like this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigSwigg 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 ...you should die of gonorhea for that joke... I think he should die of gonorrhea for having the SN of "Jamie Oliver." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mister foozel 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Mizanin's website's better. his intro theme on the first page is hilariously bad also, the guy has been to a lot of concerts featuring really crappy bands, from his cd & concert reviews Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedHermit 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I was scouted by the Mets Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Myxamatosis 0 Report post Posted December 11, 2004 Jailbait's favorite Puder-isms! I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. Children trust me. Puder for President! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest whipper Report post Posted December 11, 2004 I can't believe he plagarized that. Hell, next thing you know he'll be having matches with pre-determined outcomes! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mister foozel 0 Report post Posted December 12, 2004 I can't believe he plagarized that. Hell, next thing you know he'll be having matches with pre-determined outcomes! THAT..would be WHACK This was a lot better when I didn't know it was stolen though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Catcher8C Report post Posted December 12, 2004 Isn't plaigarising other author's work illegal? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest StylesMark Report post Posted December 12, 2004 I wish this guy posted here. My god. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
