strummer 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2005 So my mother is very, very ill and I have to sit home with her all day to take care of her. She can barely walk, is severely anemic and has a host of internal problems. My problem is that she is constantly yelling at me and getting on me. It's very frustrating and I've snapped a few times, but nothing major. I really don't know what to do, I'm trying my best, but she is always getting on me and telling me that I should be doing more and that I just stand there like an idiot. Furthermore, the rest of the family is getting on me, implying I'm not doing a good enough job taking care of her. I say I'm not in the medical profession and crap like that. My head is about to fucking explode. Anyone else go through this stuff, what should I do? It just feels like I'm in a no win situation and that people are doubting me. It is really some messed up shit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Your Paragon of Virtue 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2005 It almost sounds too simple, but I'm sure it would be difficult. But sit down and talk with her. I'm guessing that her yelling at you is just out of frustration over her own situation. I'm sure that she appreciates what you're doing for her, so just talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. Instead of telling US about all of this, tell HER. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
strummer 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2005 I told her that I was trying my best. I'm not mad at her or anything, I know her anger is just frustration. But it is just a never ending cycle. We talk all the time, but the sickness is not going away, and she is still going to be frustrated every day. I just wanted to know if anyone else has dealt with this. It does sound simple, but it is so complicated in practice. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Failed Mascot Report post Posted January 6, 2005 Have her placed in one of those Assisted Living homes. Insurance pays for them and they're top notch. One near us has its own church and dance hall built into it so the sick and old seem to like it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kkktookmybabyaway 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2005 Damn. Is it a terminal illness? (Not trying to be a smart-ass mind you...) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
strummer 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2005 Damn. Is it a terminal illness? (Not trying to be a smart-ass mind you...) technically, I don't think so, but it is real bad Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Failed Mascot Report post Posted January 6, 2005 You really may wanna sit down with her and tell her you don't think you can provide the care for her that you think she needs. Then bring up the assisted living home. Its not a nursing home type thing where they're basically confined. She can come and go as she pleases so long as she checks in with them every so often while she's out so they know she's alright. Some of them also take cruises and shit. Just see which ones are nearest to you and then do your homework on them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mole 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2005 Well I had to do this with my Mom when she was sick and there is no simple answer. When another family member yelled at me about something, I told them to fuck off since I'm doing the work. If they want it there way, then they should stay home. You are doing it the only way you know how to and they should appreciate that. And when your Mom yells at you, just ignore it. It is REALLY hard to do, but I'm sure she isn't in her right mind, so don't take it personal. If you feel like yelling, just walk away, get yourself together, and come back. Or you could just listen to FM. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ted the Poster 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2005 Or you could just listen to XM. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted January 6, 2005 Tell your selfish family to fuck off if they want to come at you like that. Sounds to me like you shouldn't be taking care of mom alone at all anyway. Tell them to come help once in a while instead of being pricks, or take her to the aforesuggested assisted living facility. If they don' like it, tell them to fuck off because they aren't doing shit and obviously don't know what's really going on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kkktookmybabyaway 0 Report post Posted January 7, 2005 Has your family been "friendly" to each other most of the time? Perhaps it's the stress of the situation that's showing off everyone's bad side... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
strummer 0 Report post Posted January 7, 2005 Has your family been "friendly" to each other most of the time? Perhaps it's the stress of the situation that's showing off everyone's bad side... yeah, were friendly, it's just that some make snide remarks about "You aren't doing this right" "Don't do this or that?" "What's wrong with you" I kinda confronted my aunt for saying stuff like this, but I'm cautious of upsetting my mother But yeah KKK, it could be a lot of stress that is causing it. Like Mole said, the problem is the frustration that comes with it. It's hard to get screamed at and yelled at and just take it. I'm not mad at my mother at all, it's just that a human being just doesn't like to be yelled at so much, no matter what. It's so tough not to say anything back. I have to go outside to stiffle the anger. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Corey_Lazarus 0 Report post Posted January 7, 2005 My grandmother has Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, and it's me and my mother and my sister that take care of her when she's not in the nursing home, so I have an idea of what you're going through. Go with what everybody else is saying in regards to the rest of your family. Ask them when they last helped, and what they did to help recently, if they feel you're doing such a bad job. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Failed Mascot Report post Posted January 7, 2005 Or you could just listen to FM. people would be better off if they listened to me all of the time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye 0 Report post Posted January 7, 2005 No, probably not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kkktookmybabyaway 0 Report post Posted January 7, 2005 Do you do anything else besides take care of her (go to school, work, etc.)? Just try to focus on the positive times you had and try not to let a few bad moments at the end darken your memories of what iswas probably a pretty positive relationship with her... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kaertos 0 Report post Posted January 7, 2005 Strummer, I've been there. I took care of my grandmother for about a year. It was possibly the worst year of my life. It was just me and her, as my dad and th rest of my family had their own, far more important, lives to deal with. I dropped out of College and went to work full time to try and help with the bills. According to my wife (who was my girlfriend at the time this all happened) I was really depressed and frustrated all of the time. I've blocked most of it out honestly. I remember the good parts, but the terrible stuff I try to forget. I say all of this to give you some hope. I've been there, and I went through some very tough times becuase of the situation. It still has ripple effects on my life even now. My family relationships were strained, and some broken completely. It takes forever to recover from something like this. But you do. Just keep your focus on two things: Doing what is best for your mother (no matter what that is) and doing what is best for you (no matter what that is). But you're not alone in this one, trust me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
strummer 0 Report post Posted January 7, 2005 Thanks for the advice guys. Great stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted January 15, 2005 No, probably not. Yes and no. A little Failed Mascot goes a long way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jingus 0 Report post Posted January 15, 2005 I'm right there with you, man. My mom slipped on some ice the other week and shattered her arm real good, I'm stuck here at her house taking care of her for the near future. (Doesn't help that she's heavily medicated with loritabs and meprogans, and has the attention span of that guy in Memento.) Nothing important to add, everyone else got it already, but you're not alone. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
