Tales From The Bar Floor #1

[1234-5678 0]

After rehashing the events of last night with a couple of friends who were there, I felt this deserved posting.

 

So, me and my friends John and Nick started out the night at our local bar, $1.50 bottles, and we know the bartender, so he pretty much hooks us up here and there. Only problem is, it's a coke bar, so that has it's ups and downs. The ups are the random coke sluts, the downs are coked out morons who either wanna tell you their life story or fight you.

 

On a side note, I should have told this story before, but, a few Sundays ago, I'm in there with Nick, and there's this guy Danny in there. An acquantince of ours, not really a friend, he had attended our New Year's party, shit like that. Actually, this was the same night I got with the chunky chick in the bathroom. I really should have just told this part of the story. As you might be able to tell already, I am pretty hungover, or still semi-drunk, which would explain the fact that I am typing like a drunk guy talks. Anyways, Danny gets this idea that we should all go down to the airport and drink. Me, Nick, Danny, and a few broads that Danny knew. I had to get talked into it repeatedly, because I knew that the fat chick wanted on me, and I didn't want to do it. But, of course, I ended up going. Now, I think we're just going down there to sit in the cars, drink, watch planes take off. Classic retarded drunk shit, mostly for underagers, but it's really just an excuse for everyone to try and get some action. So we get to the airport, and it turns out Danny works there. So, he's taking us through all these hidden corridors, and next thing I know, we're outside, and there's a bus there. One of those buses that takes you from the terminal to your car and vice versa, and Danny has the keys. So, we all get on, and I'm still in shock. He's driving around the actual airport, where planes are refueling and shit, and we're all drinking and smoking cigarettes on the bus while he does a tour guide act. "On your left, there's a USAIR 757" etc. etc. We stop to pick up a couple of his co workers so they can join in on the debauchery. At this point, I have to add, a couple of the chicks were in the back of the bus, and were coerced to start making out. Not a bad thing to see, except I got Tubby McGoo sitting next to me, hanging off my arm, and preventing me from either joining in or getting a closer look at the action. But oh well. So, eventually, the bus stops. A few of us go inside to use the bathroom (big mistake) and when I come back outside, there is no one on the bus. Where did they go you ask? On a fucking plane of course! They decided it would be a fun idea to jump on a plane that wasn't being used. I found out later that the cocksuckers were in the cockpit and everything. Feeling pretty good about airport security yet? Anyways, someone called their supervisor or someone saw us on the cameras using their bathroom, that hasn't been figured out yet, but she showed up and the party was over. She walks up as I am sitting on the bus drinking, and those assholes are just getting off the plane. Danny, of course, has no excuse whatsoever for this kind of behavior, and doesn't try. So instead of offering up some lame story, he just hops on the bus and we hightail it the fuck out of there. We jump in the cars and jet, and get away by the skin of our teeth. I heard the following night that Danny's co workers were fired and thrown in the airport jail for a couple nights, and Danny was fired as well. All three currently face charges and 6 months to seven years in jail. If the rest of us had been caught, we'd face the same. But at least one of em got laid on the plane. Sort of an honorary mile high club I guess.

 

So, onto last night. We enjoy a few beers at the local tavern, then hit up one of the more trendy places for a special. 75 cent Miller Lites or something similar. A lot of nice tail there, and we also met a couple of the boys, one of which recently broke up with his girl. So, it was on, so to speak. Nick's over there sliding his way in between what appears to be an engaged couple. He's completely oblvious to the uncomfortableness he is creating, and I'm just waiting for the guy to break a bottle on his head. I would've let it happen too, I mean, there are just some things you cannot defend. I was also hung up on the fact that there was a group of guys there who had thrown a bottle at me and Chief one night from a car after Chief had pretty much emasculated them in front of a few girls. Unfortunately, self control got the better of me. Anyways, mostly everyone else is trying to hit on someone, my boy Frank ended up taking this chick home, there were many many E-A-G-L-E-S chants and before I knew it, the special was over. So, it was back to the local bar. Now, since the beers were so cheap, we were all putting em down as quickly as possible. So of course, by the time we get back, we are all rip roaring. And then the shots started. Shots of Jack, SoCo and Lime, and Jagerbombs were all purchased at one time or another. Nick starts to complain that he has work in the morning, and tries to leave before finishing his beer, so I of course, dump it in his lap. This leads the bartender to give him a free one, so now he is forced to stay. I love logic. I could be wrong, but I think we stayed till last call, and on our way out, Nick, for no good reason, spits on someone's car and throws a huge chunk of frozen snow at it. He thinks it had something to do with a girl, but he doesn't remember. What he doesn't know is that there was a couple dudes in the car. They get out and start yelling, and I turn around to see Nick trying to run away. I love having to clean up other people's messes. John comes out of the bar, and walks the long way around so he can avoid the situation, claiming he was going to ambush them. Yeah, right. Anyways, Nick comes back, and he tells me now that I held him there, telling him he's gotta be a man and fight the guy now, etc. Some chick comes out and breaks it all up, and we leave. Nick goes home, and John convinces me to go get a cheesesteak with him. It was pretty fuckin good. I go home and pass out. Today I get a couple of phone calls. One is from Nick, who missed work, and is claiming to be quite ill. He's like a little JAxl in training, being that he is Chief's cousin, and was sort of drafted to be his replacement while he is in Nevada. Not much of a drinker..........yet. Anyways, all I get is bitch bitch bitch from him, then my other line clicks. It's John. It turns out that Einstein decided to drive all the way home. I'm sure you have an idea of where this is going. On his trip there, he decided he's got to find his cell phone which was on the floor. BOOM! He hits the guardrail and spins out, both airbags go off. He drives about another hundred feet, with no headlights, then pulls over and, in what seems to be the smart thing to do, runs away before the cops can come and realize he is three sheets to the wind. He gets a ride home from a friend from work, and is now currently on his way down here to see if the car was towed or whatever. The lesson? Crash on your friend's floor instead of being a retard. Of course, he could've killed us both on the way to the steak place, but hunger and drunkenness are a deadly combination and usually overcome good sense. Anyways, that's is for now. I'm going to go make a grilled ham and cheese. Enjoy.

[Guest eBayBrison]

Goddamn....... kind of a long read but very informational. I now know not to get shitfaced again because I've probably done similar things. I feel for ya man~!

 

Brison

[1234-5678 0]

I know I've said this alot, but last night might just inspire me to take a little break this weekend.

[Zack Malibu 0]

Fuck taking a break. I want more stories like this. Just make sure everyone lives. Fat-fucking and firings are fine though.

[1234-5678 0]

Oh I've got some classics I will unearth for this, lol.

[Modern Man's Hustle 0]

So you came on here to brag about how you and your friends are idiots and endanger the lifes of innocent people regularly. Fuck off.

[1234-5678 0]

There's always a fucking party pooper isn't there. What exactly does the word "lifes" mean?

 

I'll get you with the old Larry Flynt comment about Hustler. If you don't like my posts, dont read em slick.

[Guest eBayBrison]

He's a newbie..... ignore him. We want more. Keep the classics coming. I nominate that you should tell yet another story.

 

Brison

[Modern Man's Hustle 0]

Yeah, ignore me. Please enlighten us with "classic" threads about the one time you ran over a child because you were too drunk to make coherent thoughts. Please do.

[1234-5678 0]

I was specifically told by people that my airport story is the greatest drunken story ever told. Maybe it loses some of it's effect on a screen rather then being told in person.

 

And apparently Zack cares none for my safety and health, only for his own entertainment. My kinda guy.

 

Modern, I command you to go get a 6 pack, then try to get laid. You know, without paying for it like usual.

[Zack Malibu 0]

You're a newbie too. Aren't you?

 

*dum dum DUM*

 

And fuck it, it was funny.

[Guest eBayBrison]

I used to post here in the old days, I just forgot my old username, hence how I knew Eagan and all the boyz

[Sideburnious 0]

Yeah, ignore me.

Thanks man, much apreciated

 

 

 

SO yeah JaXL, more stories please.

 

 

And yes, the airport story is far above the average drunken story.

[Modern Man's Hustle 0]

Jaxl, your drunken story is funny, man. I just can't be cool with anyone driving drunk.

[Guest Vitamin X]

JAxl's story reminds me of why I should go out drinking more often. I'm usually altogether too content with sitting at home amusing myself while stoned.

[1234-5678 0]

Technically, if he didn't have airbags, I would have lost a friend last night. So yeah, I'm impacted. I haven't driven drunk in well over a year.

[Guest eBayBrison]

Well yeah..... driving drunk is stupid ass (as he even states in his post). We just want to hear more dumb ass stories, because they are indeed entertaining.

 

Brison

[Guest Vitamin X]

I used to post here in the old days, I just forgot my old username, hence how I knew Eagan and all the boyz

I don't believe this is something to be proud of...

[1234-5678 0]

I'm flipping between retelling my last birthday in more detail, a weekend in the mountains after I took this chick to her prom or a story about a party in my room where a psycho ex girlfriend ending up punching a tree.

[Modern Man's Hustle 0]

I lost a friend to a drunk driver, so it's good to see your friend is alright. I agree with Vitamin X now, sometimes its more fun just to sit around and be high.

[Guest cosbywasmurdered]

Jaxl, your drunken story is funny, man. I just can't be cool with anyone driving drunk.

Same.

[1234-5678 0]

What if they are driving bumper cars?

[Guest eBayBrison]

I used to post here in the old days, I just forgot my old username, hence how I knew Eagan and all the boyz

I don't believe this is something to be proud of...

No, not proud of knowing Eagan.... proud of being back to TSM. I'd forgotten about this place.

 

Now back to being on topic: On with the stories. Keep em coming.

 

Brison

[Sideburnious 0]

a story about a party in my room where a psycho ex girlfriend ending up punching a tree.

Tell it NOW!!!!

 

 

 

Jaxl, your drunken story is funny, man. I just can't be cool with anyone driving drunk.

 

Yeah, you have a valid point. That part was stupid. The airport thing was funny though.

[Zack Malibu 0]

I don't recommend driving drunk either, don't get me wrong. It's just nice to hear the sheer randomness that comes out of these situations. Such as the psycho ex decking a tree.

 

I may have to make it my life's mission to move to PA and follow JAxl around with a video camera. I will not, however, play wingman to your fat fetish.

 

(just fuckin' with ya, buddy).

[Guest eBayBrison]

I may have to make it my life's mission to move to PA and follow JAxl around with a video camera. I will not, however, play wingman to your fat fetish.

Cause you're too busy shacking up with Tiffany right?!? (okay..... now I'm bringing back bad memories eh?!?)

 

Teasing ya buddy.

 

Brison

[Zack Malibu 0]

It was Tiffani, actually.

[Guest eBayBrison]

Sorry about the mishap. Indeed those were the good ol' days.

 

I hope JAxl is typing up another one, I won't be able to read it until I get back to work tomorrow. but at least I'll have something to read.

 

Brison

[BHK 0]

Worst post ever.

[Modern Man's Hustle 0]

Worst post ever.