1234-5678 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 It was January 2000. Your old pal JAxl was a young spry 18 years old, and had just started his first real relationship, with a girl, Nikki, who he had met as his previous job. The problems began when another former co worker, the gorgeous 22 year old Lisa, JAxl's former fuck buddy decided she wanted to make Nikki jealous. It all started so innocently. In my room were myself, Nikki, her friends April and Shannon, and my friends Dan and John. I believe there may have been a case of Budweiser, but I am certain there were two bottles of Seagram's 7, which is what I liked in those days. We were just sitting around, playing random card games, probably playing the radio a little too loud. Nothing like forcing a couple of high school girls who listen to whatever pop radio tells em to sit there and listen to Led Zeppelin and The Doors. My parents were cool with me having people over to a point, especially since they knew I was actually happy for once, being with Nikki. The party was meant to move up to John's house, then a few of us were supposed to sleep at Shannon's. As the booze took effect, and we gradually started to be more comfortable around each other, me and Nikki were a little cuddly on my couch. BOOM! The door pops open, and in staggers Lisa. She was known to have a little too much "fun" if ya get me. Probably fresh from a local bar, and most likely a little coked up, she looks over at me and Nikki and jumps right into my lap, kissing at my neck. Now, I had a thing for Lisa for years, and it took me a long, long time to get anything going. She had never ever been affectionate like that with me. There's actually a funny picture of her in my lap on the couch, me smiling like an idiot, Nikki sitting there FUMING. Anyways, Nikki and co. go out front for a "cigarette", and while I am concerned she might leave, I get past all that by following Lisa into the bathroom and getting some serious hookup action and the one and only time I cheated in two years. Man, she was gorgeous. Now I am all nostalgic, lol. Anyways, knowing the controversy she had started, Lisa was satisfied, and left afterwards, telling me she'd call me later and blowing me a kiss. Bitch. So, the party starts to move up to John's, with Nikki giving me the cold shoulder. As everyone else files into the basement, Nikki stays outside and asks to talk to me. She tries to tell me that us being together was a mistake, blah blah blah, if I want that bitch I can have her. The only thing is, she punctuates every end of a sentence with a serious punch to a tree trunk, leaving her knuckles cut up, and she still had scars there by the time we were broken up, and that started my attraction to crazy broads that exists to this very day. It was clue #1 that she was a little bit off, and maybe I should get the hell out of there, lol. This little "glitch" of hers eventually led her to flooring her car on a busy street and taking her hands off the wheel, trying to kill us both. But that was way into the future. Anyways, because of our loud voices, the cops come. What's the problem, blah blah blah. He ends up letting us off, even though it was past curfew for her, and we both probably reeked of booze. In one of my favorite moments, I go home to grab another bottle, and call John's to inform him I am not coming back up as a joke. On my way there, I run into Nikki, who was on her way to my house. It's the little things like that that make you fall for a person. Yes, I now realize this story doesn't have enough drunkenness, but it's ok all the same. I'll make up for that later. After some nice making up and making out in John's basement, we were all good. I left some serious hickies that night, and she had to have her "revenge." So I got em as well. We eventually make our way to Shannon's as well, where there is pretty much fucking going on on both beds and on the floor. I'm not sure what the moral of this tale is yet. Maybe stay away from crazy chicks? That wasn't the end of Lisa either. She still came by my house at all hours of the night, as I had a ladder next to my window. One of those nights I got a delicious striptease to "Bawitdaba" and "Cowboy." Didn't do anything more though, because my dumb ass was faithful. The next one will have more drinking in it, I promise. Coming up next, a weekend with Angela, tales of Irish Weekend, Chief's 20th birthday (Bars, Limo, Strippers) or JAxl's guide to not getting laid after the prom and smashing a 4 wheeler into a tree. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest eBayBrison Report post Posted January 28, 2005 JAxl's stories > Life itself. Seriously, this is bringing the best to such a dull day here at work. I HATE FRAUD. Brison Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zack Malibu 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 Well, if we didn't know it before, we know it now. Women+booze=entertainment. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sideburnious 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 Yeah, entertaining story but more of a downer than funny and not enough drunkeness. But thank you for sharing, it was a good read all the same tales of Irish Weekend What you mean loads of booze, skanks with guts in mini skirts listening to house/dance music and rain? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1234-5678 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 tales of Irish Weekend What you mean loads of booze, skanks with guts in mini skirts listening to house/dance music and rain? Loads of booze, a bug infested hotel room, the drunk bus, and karaoke? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sideburnious 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 tales of Irish Weekend What you mean loads of booze, skanks with guts in mini skirts listening to house/dance music and rain? Loads of booze, a bug infested hotel room, the drunk bus, and karaoke? hmmm, yeah, sounds about right. Though Irish people are usually too cheap even for a bug infested hotel room, they usually just go to a field. Was Fields of Athenry sung at least once at the Karaoke? If so thats dead on Do tell the story regardless btw. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest eBayBrison Report post Posted January 28, 2005 Indeed. I have to leave work in 20 minutes, and this has by-far surpassed my whole day excitement wise. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Man in Blak 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 What's the difference between Jaxl and UseTheSledgehammerUh again? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nighthawk 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 Green hair. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1234-5678 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 What's the difference between Jaxl and UseTheSledgehammerUh again? I was too much of a rebel to go to college, and I am not made fun of constantly around here. Well, at least not to my knowledge. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Winter Of My Discontent Report post Posted January 28, 2005 What's the difference between Jaxl and UseTheSledgehammerUh again? I was too much of a rebel to go to college, and I am not made fun of constantly around here. Well, at least not to my knowledge. Yes you are. WE all hate you. WE all think you're a drunken faggot. We want you to go fuck off. I think you need to seek help. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1234-5678 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 Hey, I am beloved for my current postings, bitch. You only have fans for past accomplishments, as you haven't been funny or interesting in over 6 months. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cosbywasmurdered Report post Posted January 28, 2005 I used to find Jaxl annoying but he's been decent from what I've seen since coming back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Winter Of My Discontent Report post Posted January 28, 2005 You only have fans for past accomplishments, as you haven't been funny or interesting in over 6 months. oh, lord, NO! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1234-5678 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 I used to find Jaxl annoying but he's been decent from what I've seen since coming back. What was annoying about me? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cosbywasmurdered Report post Posted January 28, 2005 I used to find Jaxl annoying but he's been decent from what I've seen since coming back. What was annoying about me? Not sure. I found everyone annoying at that point though. Myself included. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
{''({o..o})''} 0 Report post Posted January 28, 2005 Remember, CWM also listed Waterworld as his favorite movie of all time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cosbywasmurdered Report post Posted January 28, 2005 It was an easy **** http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093278/ is better though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twisted Intestine 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2005 Who cares about how many lives you're endangering? Get under the influance of as many substances as you can as quickly as possible. Once you actually kill someone... worry about it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spaceman Spiff 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2005 What's the difference between Jaxl and UseTheSledgehammerUh again? Jaxl has girls involved in his stories. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Matt Young 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2005 JAxl's great. He's an alcoholic who loves women and The Doors, just like me, except he's far cooler than I could hope to be. UseTheSledgeHammerUh has nothing on JAxl. Sledge is just a pompous ass who rarely posts anything worth reading. Pretty much a pompous ass version of me. Keep the great stories coming, JAxl, but please be careful not to hurt yourself too badly while you're fucked up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1234-5678 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2005 CHIEF'S 20TH BIRTHDAY: Limos, Strippers, and Booze March 2003. It was decided among our group, which I am of course the leader of, that we needed to do something special for Chief's birthday that year. I had access to a discount for taking a limo out through a neighbor who lived above the cheesesteak place I was working at that year. It wasn't much of a special plan though. Drive around for 4 hours in the limo, and stop at the bar we were chilling at in Philly at that point, and stop at a strip joint. So, the limo shows up on time, and we're only being charged $40 an hour for it. We decide to get it from 8-12, then just drive back to the bar. The group included me, Chief, my friend Dan, his cousins Nick and Mark, my friend Rob, and two girls, Mary and Kate. Kate was a former stripper, and Mary was this skinny chick who had wanted me, but I chose her friend over her. Of course, she decided to keep the skinniness and sprout an enormous rack that I couldn't take my eyes off of most of the night. The party begins in ridiculous fashion, as everyone has to pour their various drinks into the champagne glasses and party rap video style. Of course, I supplied the soundtrack for the evening, so all wasn't lost. It went one rap song, one rock song, so we got a nice mix of 2Pac, Biggie, Eminem, GNR, and Kid Rock. We had a 30 pack of Miller Lite to start with, and our first stop was at the liquor store. I just picked up a 4 pack of Jack Daniel's Hurricane Punch for myself, as they have over 8% alcohol I believe and are easy as hell to chug, and Chief and the girls drank some Screwdrivers. So, we arrive at the bar. Oh, did I mention it was also St. Patrick's Day? And even on a Monday night, the place, called "The Shamrock Pub" was ridiculously packed. Our boy Eddie was bartending, and because I left such ridiculous tips back then, we were guaranteed plenty of free rounds. I started off by buying Chief a shot of Jameson for his birthday and to celebrate the holiday. We only stuck around the bar for maybe a half hour though, as I didn't want to waste our time in the limo, so after promising we'd all return, it was back to the car and on to the titty joint. Leaving so early proved to be a mistake, because there was a gorgeous brunette chick in there, who I had had conversations and bought drinks for before, and she was giving me the devil eyes. Now, the strip club to be a scummy little dive, and a BYOB place, because I was the only one of age in the car, having just turned 21 the previous October. But it didn't matter, my only goals were to buy Chief a lapdance and see if I could get either of our girls on the stage. Both goals were realized, of course. This blond broad in a schoolgirl's uniform hit the stage, and I saw Chief's jaw drop. The game was all over. As soon as she was done, I gave her $20 for the dance, and an extra $10 to "put the uniform back on." Since I was the only one over age, I was the only one with a red X on my hand allowing me to drink. Security there specifically pulled me aside and told me not to give anyone else in our group a beer. So I "left" the 30 pack on the table, and told everyone to just grab as they wished. The biggest security guard came up to me and pulled me aside and told me he should "kick my fucking ass for being a lying dickhead." Rather then arguing, I agreed with him, told him to get it over with, and put my hands behind my back. Confused, he just started to laugh, and told me just to get back to the party. The next time I looked over, he was drinking one of our beers. After that altercation, I looked over and saw Kate pulling up her skirt as she grinded in Nick's lap, and another stripper grinding into Kate's lap. Hot stuff, definitely. Mary was kind of just standing around, and Mark was sitting at the stage, tipping with the stack of dollar bills I had left for everyone. I went over to grab Mary and bring her up to the stage, and noticed Rob talking to another stripper. A pregnant stripper. He didn't seem to grasp the concept that she was only talking to him to see if he'd pony up the dough for a lapdance, but oh well. He'd rather stand there and ask her questions about her life. What a noodle. So I took Mary up to the stage, and immediately one of the girls brings her up there, lays her down, puts a dollar bill on her face, a dollar in the waistband of her jeans, and retrieves them both in a 69 position. You could literally see the moisture on Mary's nose, lol. I wasn't sure whether to be turned on or disgusted. Mary proclaimed disgust and the bulge in my pants told a different story, but she was smiling, and after we all went outside, she wanted to go back in to get the stripper's #. I decided I had had enough. Chief had been in the back room for over 20 minutes, and everyone else had their own scene going on. I just wanted to chill in the limo and drink. I went outside and turned on the CD player in there, listening to GNR's 2002 VMA performance on a loop. I think I first noticed how awful Axl sounded on that night. They all started to wander out to bother me after like 10 minutes of peace. I was ripped at this point, the beers, JD coolers, and shots starting to take affect. Our time was almost up, and we decided to drive back to town so we'd have a couple hours at the bar. Chief informed me that my extra $10 had gotten him the ability to suck on some tits "as long as the camera didn't see it." So, we pull up to be dropped off. I forget what the hell I was even looking for, but I was the last one in the limo. And then I saw it. The decanter. So shiny. Full of marbles. My drunk mind told me I had to have it. So I cleverly, or not, put it in my jacket, and left it behind a building in the parking lot as I went to "go take a piss." The driver was having none of it, and knew I was up to something. He got in the car to check, and came out screaming, "Where's the FUCKING DECANTER!" I of course claimed I never stole anything, and he went behind the building and found it, with the lid missing. He advanced on me, probably wanting to drop me like a bad habit, but 6"4 330 lb Chief stepped in, saving me from the limo driver who he was calling "The Godfather." And he did bear a striking resemblence. That lid now sits on top of my television, as I found it in my coat the next morning. As we walk down the street to get into Kate's car, several of the younger punks from the neighborhood were hanging out, and started hitting on Kate big time. They asked Dan, who was their closest boy out of our group, where the Shamrock was, etc. etc. Chief seemed somewhat perturbed by this development. We get back to the bar, and I am buying everyone "Pineapple Bombs" for a dollar a piece, and doing shots of Jameson for myself. I also switched to Heineken, as pictures confirmed. There is also a picture of me biting Chief's head for some unknown reason, and also one of me with my head on the bar. So, the young punks show up, and one of em, Shaun, keeps trying to make the moves on Kate. Chief asks to "talk to him" downstairs. I'm still not sure what the conversation entailed, but all I know is Rob came over to me and said "Chief is stomping someone at the bottom of the steps." I'm in no condition to do anything about it, or I just didn't care, most likely the latter. Turned out Chief laid him out with one punch and Shaun was avoiding the others by gripping onto his leg and covering his head. For some reason, this gets that group flagged from the bar, and our group is allowed to stay. I love justice. The final picture taken that evening is one of me passed out with my head on the toilet. The entire ride home I had my head hanging out of the window, and as I was dropped off I made sure to hug everyone, which made Nick worry for my safety till the following morning, because his repeated phone calls that night went unanswered. We had a nice breakfast the next morning, and Chief and Shaun make amends. The moral? The point? Limos, booze and strippers are always a fantastic combination, and always try to make your friends' birthdays special. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest eBayBrison Report post Posted January 29, 2005 Greatest STORY....... EVARRRRRR. I've never been to a stripper joint, but now this makes me eagerly await it. Keep the stories coming JAxl..... these rawk~! Brison Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest HungryJack Report post Posted January 29, 2005 Sad. So very, very sad. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Winter Of My Discontent Report post Posted January 29, 2005 I can't tell who is more phoney, JAxl or IDRM. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest eBayBrison Report post Posted January 29, 2005 Well IDRM has impressed me with some of the evidence he's given. I mean c'mon the guy took a picture of his junk with a saw in it. Indeed THE SINGLE MOST DISTURBING PICTURE EEEEEEEEEVER~! Brison Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Winter Of My Discontent Report post Posted January 29, 2005 What JAxl does for drunken stories, IDRM did for sex stories. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1234-5678 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2005 I can't tell who is more phoney, JAxl or IDRM. Yeah, like I've said anything overly ridiculous yet.........well, there was the airport story. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Vitamin X Report post Posted January 29, 2005 Yeah, no evidence? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sideburnious 0 Report post Posted January 29, 2005 I'll take his word for it for now. I mean, if he was making up the stories he would clearly be making out/events that happend to them better more special. It was decided among our group, which I am of course the leader of Thats the only evidence of putting himself over so far, but I mean, everyones allowed a few acceptions/twists on their own stories I did dig the story, I feel they are alot more booze related than crazy wild action/adventure related though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
