Lockdown Comments~!

[Secret Agent 0]

Good job to the winners. I want to make a quick "OMFG~!" moment for the return of Ejiro Fasaki!!! Who'd a thunk it?! To see the F U Fasaki chants again brings back a special moment in my eyes.

 

Anyway, great show!

[JJ Johnson 0]

Yeah, that stunned the hell out of me. I'm relatively new here, but I read a lot of the old stuff, so I'm familiar with that guy, but still, whoa. Congrats on your title win.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

OHMYCRAZYFUCKINGMOTHERLORDGOD~~!`1`111111

[King Cucaracha 0]

*dies*

 

I guess some people CAN follow Landon Maddix after all.

 

EDIT: Also, I may try and give more detailed feedback if I have time. But while I think of it, that was a VERY solid opening showing from JJ. I told you the kid has something.

[janusd 0]

*fondly reminsices of those JL letters to Tom Flesher* I M FOOG.

[JHawk 0]

On the one hand, part of me is highly pissed that Johnny Dangerous got the duke when I thought I wrote one hell of a match.

 

On the other hand, Agent wrote an awesome match and it gives me the chance to save those spots for somewhere down the road.

 

Haven't read the rest of the show yet, but I'll get to it.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

Yeah... I didn't show... I'll put up a HOLT later.

[Toxxic 0]

TOXX COMMENTZOR ON N00BS MATCH OMG!!!!11!

 

 

 

First off, big up to JJJ for giving the commentators some character. It’s that sort of thing that sets you apart. Now, King was one of the greatest heels of all time and known as a slimy, evil and highly intelligent piece of work so maybe he should be made to look stupid so easily, but I don’t find LDP and King ANYWHERE as easy to write as Riley and Comet, so I’m not one to talk.

 

The entrance. Good descriptions here (I like the throwaway line about the ‘lackey’ - you do sound a bit like Landon, actually), but I don’t know about referencing Daniels and Raven. Yes, they’re well-known wrestlers, but it’d be as easy to say that his robes look like that of a preacher, and call it a ‘crucifix’ pose or something. I think there’s an unwritten rule that we’re the only federation that exists or something. Although people still ‘WHOO!’ for a knife-edge chop. But the same thing goes for the La Resistance remark.

 

A decent opening sequence here which highlights that JJJ seems to have the physical advantage but Ordonez can be a wily veteran. I’d suggest that you read through your work before submitting it so stuff like ‘essentially controlling neutralising Ced’s ability to move’ doesn’t happen, but we all do that.

 

King is the heel commentator. He’ll be cheering for you, no matter what the circumstances, while Longdogger might offer grudging praise but not much more. (note: I later see that King is cheering for you. Maybe I just read that bit wrong)

 

Again, you compare JJJ to real wrestlers which just grates a bit on me, but still. I REALLY like the two headscissors spot for no real reason other than it’s just good - the face fails the first time, so he does it again! I think it would have been even better if you’d actually had Ordonez succeed, but then again he isn’t an active competitor and you are so what the hey.

 

Don’t like the kip-up after he’s just gone through the air to the floor. Seems a bit too much of a no-sell at that point. You’ve already sold us the fact that he came off much better from that move than Ced. It does demonstrate his athleticism well though.

 

By the time we get to the flying Fameasser-to-hurricanrana spot I think you’ve overused the ‘he does this… no he doesn’t’ spot. That’s the roundhouse, the headscissors and this that you did that with. Every now and then will work, as will hinting, but flat out saying that something has happened and then saying that it didn’t just grates with me a little. Again, this is only my opinion so take it for what it’s worth.

 

Finally, a good ending sequence. The false finish gave me a heart attack when I skimmed the show earlier because I thought Ced had actually returned! Two drop toeholds just doesn’t seem like a particularly ‘fluid’ sequence, especially since it’s normally used as a momentum counter rather than a move that you actually set someone up for. The two snap suplexes works much better and is a good setup for the Frostbite. I also like the ‘nearly-nearly’ getting to the ropes part, then dragging him back. And the continual use of the little kid is amusing.

 

All in all, I’ve seen far, FAR worse debuts. Nice work - you could easily go far!

[Secret Agent 0]

All in all, I’ve seen far, FAR worse debuts.

As in his own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

J/k

[Toxxic 0]

All in all, I’ve seen far, FAR worse debuts.

As in his own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

J/k

Well, it weren't exactly a masterpiece.

[Chuck Woolery 0]

On the one hand, part of me is highly pissed that Johnny Dangerous got the duke when I thought I wrote one hell of a match.

 

On the other hand, Agent wrote an awesome match and it gives me the chance to save those spots for somewhere down the road.

 

Haven't read the rest of the show yet, but I'll get to it.

If you're interested, Jay, that match was probably the closest one I've had to mark yet, save for maybe Landon/Toxxic at Slay Ride. Your wrestlnig sequences were one-up on Johnny, Johnny's overall writing was better than yours, but what bothered me about your match was the finishing sequence. I really was digging your match up until that point, but it felt like the finisher kick-outs were attached on the end as drama for drama's sake. If you want some more detailed comments I'd strongly suggest putting up a losing matches thread, as there's more I've got but I don't want to waste the Lockdown comments thread commenting on something that, kayfabe-wise, didn't happen.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

... And the continual use of the little kid is amusing.

 

All in all, I’ve seen far, FAR worse debuts. Nice work - you could easily go far!

Well, it was. Except for the part when they... oh, what's the word... shot him?!

 

Aside from that, though, I thought that Triple-J's match was solid, for a rook.

 

- I'm starting to dig this Koran guy; I like the way that he hasn't let a couple of losses stop him from advancing his character. I just hope that he doesn't get discouraged too soon. Besides, anybody who uses decimals in their stats ought to get some play, right?

 

- Ejiro~! Ejiro's back! The counterpart to the best creative period of my career; maybe now I'll be able to break out of this malaise I've been in ever since that dreadful Coy West experiment (no offense, Mark)

 

- Big ups to my double main main Johnny D on winning the (insert name here) belt! Everybody loves to hate on this guy, and all he does is beat people; I got nuthin' but love for ya, Johnny!

 

- I thought that the promo before the ME was excellent, and the ME itself was pretty well done, itself. The only beef that I had was early in the match, where you had WC and Todd Cortez working together; they wouldn't have actually done that, seeing as how WC doesn't like Cortez.

[JJ Johnson 0]

Yeah, poor Timmy.

 

Thanks for the feedback Toxxic and, to a lesser extent, Citrus. I'll definitely keep that in my mind writing this next match.

[Toxxic 0]

The only beef that I had was early in the match, where you had WC and Todd Cortez working together; they wouldn't have actually done that, seeing as how WC doesn't like Cortez.

I know they don't like each other, I was trying to get over that they knew they'd have to at least work together sometimes to stop me and Pretzler from entirely owning the match. In the end, your inability to work as a team is what allowed us to get the win.

[Justice 0]

The only beef that I had was early in the match, where you had WC and Todd Cortez working together; they wouldn't have actually done that, seeing as how WC doesn't like Cortez.

I know they don't like each other, I was trying to get over that they knew they'd have to at least work together sometimes to stop me and Pretzler from entirely owning the match. In the end, your inability to work as a team is what allowed us to get the win.

I read this over as well and that was my take on the entire thing: Past indiscretions aside, they needed to stay together for either of them to have a fighting chance at this, which is why they worked together. Hell, even Judge has worked with people he didn't want to (Kris is the one that comes to mind back in the TLC) to just have a chance at winning.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

....

 

 

Stipulated.