Bill Fillmaff will not be held down!

[Guest BillFillmaff]

Listen up, you pencil-necked amateurs.

 

Bill Fillmaff sent his stats to that Internet-qualifying punk Ace309 almost a week ago. I guess he's Tom Flesher, or whatever. It doesn't matter what his name is, because Tom Flesher, and the rest of the SWF are afraid of Bill Fillmaff. As they should be! I am a worldwide poker champion, and everywhere I go, people recognize me as the best in what I do. I made 6 million dollars in Internet poker in 2004 alone!

 

Now, I have not heard back from this Fleshlight character yet, so I'm not officially in the SWF. But I'll tell you what. Bill Fillmaff loves a challenge. It's why I play in the highest stakes poker games in the world! I'm a regular at the Bellagio.

 

So here's what it boils down to, you morons: Bill Fillmaff is placing an open challenge to the entire SWF roster for a one on one match for a 4000 word limit on your next show, because I know you kids have trouble reading; that's a short match there. To whomever accepts, I'll send you a copy of my stats, and then I'll give you such a bad beat you'll never want to write again. Hell, you'll be so demoralized you'll want to kill yourself. Don't worry, I've seen it before; people lose their entire bankrolls to me in individual games! There's no need to kill yourself... though you should probably quit while you're behind.

 

So do I have any takers for this once-in-a-lifetime chance to be Bill Fillmaff's first opponent?

[Bruce Blank 0]

Here is what it boils down to

 

sending your stats to another one of those creative types (Chirs3 or Chuck Woolery springs to mind as good chances)

 

just a crazy thought - since Tom hasn't posted since right before Genesis VI

[Guest BillFillmaff]

Alright, you monkeys, here's my stats, since you whine and cry and shudder and shake without your precious infrastructure of words.

 

Preliminary Question: How did you find us/hear about us?

 

I’m Bill Fillmaff, dammit! I don’t owe you information!

 

Smarks Board Name: BillFillmaff

Wrestlers Name: Bill Fillmaff

Height: 5’10”

Weight: 160 lbs

Hometown: Vegas

Age: 23

Face/Heel: Heel

Stable: None

Ring Escort: Steve the Helper. He’s learning poker from me. Other than that he just makes me look good.

Weapon(s): Do Poker Chips hurt? Maybe if I throw them hard enough.

Quote: “I am a worldwide poker champion!”

 

Looks: My beautiful picture.

 

Ring Entrance: You had better believe Bill Fillmaff has his very own music written for him!

 

Get it here.

 

Bill Fillmaff just needs to walk down to the ring, with no flash, because everyone knows he is a WORLDWIDE POKER CHAMPION, and that is flash enough.

 

Stats:

¯¯¯¯¯

Strength: 1

Speed: 1

Vitality: 1

Charisma: 17

 

Style: Whatever it takes to win. Don’t forget to buy my book!

 

Signature moves:

Flop A Straight: Splash off the top rope.

Boats Full: Camel Clutch.

Bullets: Lariat off the ropes.

Big Blind: Thumb to the eyes.

Cowboys: That move where the guy is hanging on the ropes and the other guy jumps on top of him and bounces a couple times. I don’t need to know the technical term, I’m worth millions!

 

 

Common moves: Bill Fillmaff is a WORLDWIDE POKER CHAMPION and there is nothing common about him! If you want common moves, I guess I throw punches and what have you... I don’t need to know how to wrestle, I’m worth millions!

 

Finishers:

Bad Beat: The Bad Beat is the most powerful, vicious, and wicked finishing move ever created. So vicious that no one knows what it truly is; but know if you are hit by it, you’re busted, buster.

 

Notes: I’m a WORLDWIDE POKER CHAMPION, damn it! Make sure you note that in your matches. And plug my book. And my clothing line.

 

Bio: I’m BILL FILLMAFF, damn it! I am a WORLDWIDE POKER CHAMPION! You haven’t heard of me? Why haven’t you bought my book yet? I’m worth MILLIONS!

 

Go to my web site!

[King Cucaracha 0]

Am I missing a reference here? Because, I really, really don't get it.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Yo Fillmaff, the link to your site and song have quotation marks around them. That doesn't work and stuff.

[Toxxic 0]

Am I missing a reference here? Because, I really, really don't get it.

 

I think we have two options here. Either we have a Grade A numbskull posting on the forums, or one of our retirees is 'pulling a Randy Myers'. Or possibly both, I guess.

 

Since i find it difficult to believe that someone can be this stupid and still operate a keyboard, I'm going with option B. Furthermore, I'd like to initiate a sweepstake, and I'm picking Thoth as the culprit.

 

Any takers?

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't the real Bill Fillmaff. He's arrogant enough.

 

As for Thoth? I'd think that with the Myers failure so recent, and the fact that Thoth pays attention to the fed once every nine months, it's unlikely to be Ted. Although some fresh rants would be appreciated.

[Guest BillFillmaff]

RE: my links.

 

Ooh, so we're scared of quotation marks, now? I'm sure you can use the copy and paste function, if you really cared enough to look at Bill Fillmaff. And if you don't, why am I talking to you?

 

And Mike, seeing as you have some kind of problem with a WORLDWIDE POKER CHAMPION, maybe you want to be the first to get a bad beat?

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

No, I'm not scared of quotation marks, I'm just wondering how a 'world wide poker champion' can't correctly format a link. Plus, I heard you play poker like a donkey.

[Guest BillFillmaff]

No, I'm not scared of quotation marks, I'm just wondering how a 'world wide poker champion' can't correctly format a link.  Plus, I heard you play poker like a donkey.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

What the hell? First off, a worldwide poker champion doesn't have to care about HTML and PHP and PSP. I get people to do that for me. Rest assured the appropriate people have been fired.

 

So then... how DARE you call Bill Fillmaff a donkey! The only time I EVER lose is to bad beats. These people limp in with 10-7 suited and catch a straight flush. If ANYONE is a donkey, it's either these idiots who don't know what they're doing, or you stupid SWF'ers who are scared of a WORLDWIDE POKER CHAMPION.

[The Amazing Rando 0]

Your finisher is an RKO?

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

No, I'm not scared of quotation marks, I'm just wondering how a 'world wide poker champion' can't correctly format a link.  Plus, I heard you play poker like a donkey.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

What the hell? First off, a worldwide poker champion doesn't have to care about HTML and PHP and PSP. I get people to do that for me. Rest assured the appropriate people have been fired.

 

So then... how DARE you call Bill Fillmaff a donkey! The only time I EVER lose is to bad beats. These people limp in with 10-7 suited and catch a straight flush. If ANYONE is a donkey, it's either these idiots who don't know what they're doing, or you stupid SWF'ers who are scared of a WORLDWIDE POKER CHAMPION.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

So, are you going to continue your trend of coming in second place in two-player/wrestler tournaments/matches here in the SWF? Of course, we all know that second place is just a fancy way of saying first loser. Try not to get disqualified by urinating on the ring, Willy.

[Guest BillFillmaff]

I don't think it's appropriate for you, a WOMAN, to be talking down to Bill Fillmaff. Just because you get a bunch of chips in your hand, you think you know all about expected value and value calling. Well, you know what? There's a lot of great shops at the Bellagio. Go buy some clothes... or a purse... or a chain-link fence.

 

But leave the poker to the MEN.

[devo 0]

Your finisher is an RKO?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Nah, he's just stealing Stubby's.

[chirs3 0]

Working on the Smarkdown card now... anyone wanna take him up on his offer?

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

I don't think it's appropriate for you, a WOMAN, to be talking down to Bill Fillmaff.  Just because you get a bunch of chips in your hand, you think you know all about expected value and value calling.  Well, you know what?  There's a lot of great shops at the Bellagio.  Go buy some clothes... or a purse... or a chain-link fence.

 

But leave the poker to the MEN.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

So I take it that it's still negative EV for you to have a girlfriend, huh?

 

Also, if poker should be left to the MEN, what are you doing involved in the game? You a chip handler or something?

[Dr. Tyler; Captain America 0]

Heh heh. Chip handler.

[Guest PimpDaddySarp]

"I Just Want 2 Luv U" by Jay-Z blares over the speakers, as the entrance way is illuminated with blue strobe lighting. The crowd explodes as Pimp Daddy Sarp makes his way out, with Jennifer by his side. He poses at the top of the ramp as the crowd oohs and aahs at his Kickass Sunglasses. After a few seconds, he makes his way down to the ring, and somebody hands him a microphone...

 

"Excuse me, excuse me, let this Pimp break it down for y'all..." he bellows. "Bill Fillmaff, you are fucking hilarious. But if I weren't retired, not only would I would make you my personal bitch in the ring, I'd make you my personal bitch at any ring game you'd organize, anytime. I don't care how large your bankroll is. Women have been in awe of my large bankroll for years. My Kickass Sunglasses make me impossible to read at the poker table, and impossible to resist at all other times. So yeah."

 

With that he throws down the microphone, and leaves the arena for another two years or so.

[devo 0]

*marks out*

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

Your finisher is an RKO?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Nah, he's just stealing Stubby's.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

The RKO I used when I first returned last year was called "The Bad Beat". Mainly because it was an out-of-nowhere finisher that was used by a at-the-time jobber. I think the only person I beat with it was Stryke, on back-to-back PPV's.

[Guest BillFillmaff]

Sarp? No pimp would ever be named Sarp, little lad. I imagine you are some kind of skinny little twig sitting behind your wall of anonymity.

 

Bill Fillmaff wears sunglasses so he can read into your soul. And in your soul, you are a coward, because if you were a MAN, you wouldn't take a challenge back seconds after you made it.

 

You know, this reminds me of the 1998 World Poker Championships where every online-qualifying ostrich thought they could bluff Bill Fillmaff. Well, I have news for you morons: none of you can bluff BILL FILLMAFF!

 

BUY MY BOOK!

[Guest PimpDaddySarp]

Haha actually my wrestler was 6'7" 275, and the man behind the sunglasses is actually 6'7" 350. Which makes me one large skinny little twig. I suggest you look at your picture once again if you want to see a skinny little twig.

 

And I never challenged you, I simply said I could make you my Personal Bitch. Ask around. Its been known to happen from time to time.

[Guest BillFillmaff]

If you're so smug about making me my personal bitch, fatty, why don't you try? You say you could, but you won't. Because you are just an amateur, and I am WORTH MILLIONS.

 

SIX MILLION ALONE LAST YEAR!

[Justice 0]

This is the most entertaining Community thread in a long, long time.

[Bruce Blank 0]

(he should debut against our very own Gambling Man - the Suicide King )

 

How about a 3 stages of Gamedom challenge?

 

1st a game of Texas Hold-Em

 

then the time honored and revered game of Roshambo

 

and if the game is tied after that - well then break out the masks and the time fractured wickets and let it rip.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Sarp sighting? Man, we need Neilson to cut a promo now.

 

Or Kid Cools.

[Ace309 0]

I'm sorry, I just figured you'd let a retarded monkey type up stats for you, since they're so bare as to be difficult to work with.

 

For the record, I forwarded them along to Mike with a note that said "Do with these what you will." Apparently, he did.

 

Regards,

TMF

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

No more Kid Cools from me for a while. He's in a sack filled with live and very hungry shrews.

 

 

Edit: Also, Bill should have his first match be a dumpster match. He's very familiar with dumpster diving, if you've seen the EV episode of Secret System where he gets stuck in a dumpster.

[Toxxic 0]

Ah hell, throw him to me on Storm unless anyone's got anything better for me to do. TORU vs Bill Fillmaff, HARDCORE~! In some sort of House Rules match, preferably. I could do with a laugh.

[the.weej 0]

I agree 100% with Jizzy. This is the best community thread since Thoth was in his prime. AND it has a PDS appearance. All we need is Thugg or Stubby or somebody to show up.

 

-Z