ESPN wants to dump Packers/Lions game from

[Guest Duke_The_Dog]

BRISTOL, Conn. (AP) Just when the Detroit Lions and the Green Bay Packers thought their seasons couldn’t get any worse, a major TV network is manuevering to avoid showing their game this Sunday night.

 

 

In a move that has rocked the sports world and stunned some of its own sportscasters, ESPN officials confirmed that the cable sports network has asked the National Football League for permission to replace its scheduled telecast of the Lions-Packers game with the premiere of a new reality series starring Terrell Owens and Drew Rosenhaus.

 

The series, tentatively entitled "Agency," is the brainchild of film director Stephen Soderberg and actor George Clooney, who will also direct the first episode. Modeled on Soderberg and Clooney’s short-lived HBO political docudrama "K Street," "Agency" will be shot live every week and center on the exploits of Owens, a flamboyant and outspoken wide receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles who was recently suspended by the team for the remainder of the season for insubordination.

 

"We also see a cross between ‘Entourage’ and that Kirstie Alley show," said Clooney. "Or maybe ‘Fail/Safe," that live 50s show about nuclear war that I remade a couple years ago and is still ahead of its time. Think of Terrell as the ticking bomb."

 

Rosenhaus, Owens real-life agent, will also have a recurring role in the series. Steve Mariucci, who was fired as coach of the Lions last week, will guest star in the series premiere as a fictional coach whose career was nearly ruined after Owens humiliated him. The network has also reportedly offered several NFL owners cameo roles as well as offering the league a substantial percentage of ad revenues from "Agency" should it prove the smash hit Wall Street analysts are predicting.

 

Sources within the network also confirm that ESPN has agreed to shift the Packers-Lions game to ESPN Deportes, the network’s Spanish-language affiliate, which is received in fewer than 1 million U.S. homes. But negotiations with the NFL have stalled over whether Chris Berman, host of ESPN’s NFL Prime Time show, would be forced to do his "Fastest Three Minutes in Television" half-time highlight segment in Spanish.

 

The last-minute swap is extraordinary and potentially dangerous for ESPN, which will take over broadcasts of NFL Monday night games from its parent network ABC starting next season.

 

But ESPN officials who spoke on condition of anonymity say that the boost to ratings from "Agency" combined with the dismal audience prospects for the Green Bay-Detroit game—which features two of the league’s worst teams—make the request worth the risk.

 

"We’ve been trying to get out of games like these for years," said one ABC official. "NFL games are like those little wooden crates of clementines you buy around the holidays—the first couple are tasty, but by the time you get to the back, they’ve all turned black and rotten."

 

"But you try to eat them anyway, because you don’t want to waste the $6.99," he added. "Big mistake."

 

NFL officials refused comment Wednesday. Reached at his western Pennsylvania home, Lions general manager Matt Millen said he was unaware that the game was on Sunday night.

 

"When did they start playing then?" he said.

 

But Packers’ President Bob Harlan—who confirmed he had not been offered a cameo role in "Agency"—was visibly upset by the news.

 

"Many of our fans plan their lives—travel, meals, conversation, even making whopee, if they’re still doing that sort of thing—around telecasts of our games," Harlan said. "And it’s so unfair to the whole state. Those shots they show of empty downtown Green Bay during the games or the sauerkraut plant processing cabbage—you can’t buy that kind of publicity."

 

Packers quarterback Brett Favre, who has spoken openly for several years of retiring, said that ESPN’s move might make him consider hanging up his cleats for good.

 

"This would have been the 100th consecutive nationally televised game where somebody interviewed me about whether I’m going to retire or not," said Favre during his weekly press conference. "Now there’s a streak I’m really proud of. You really look forward to keeping something like that alive. But if they’re not even interested enough to show up—shoot, I might just pull the plug on the whole dang thing."

 

Even Berman was miffed at the news.

 

"This sets us back," said Berman. "Back back back back back. We’re spurning one of the great rivalries in the NFL. I mean, everybody remembers the ‘62 Thanksgiving game, but what about the one where Gerry Ellis gained over 200 yards? Eric Hipple? Steve Broussard and two blocked punts at County Stadium? Who could make these things up? Who would want to?"

 

"He’s just pissed about the Spanish thing," countered ESPN anchor Stuart Scott. "He minored in it at Brown, but it’s been years, dog. Speaking of dogs, bow-wow on that game. You gotta give Favre his propers, but it’s time to start up the mower and go"Straight Story" with it to Canton."

 

ESPN reportedly refused the NFL’s request to shift the game to ESPN2, where the network is instead running an all-day marathon alternating its new "ESPN Hollywood" show with reruns of every episode of "Playmakers" that featured Canadian actress Thea Andrews, host of "ESPN Hollywood" and former host of the network’s "Cold Pizza" show.

 

"We were wondering about running one of our hunting shows featuring Favre," said an ESPN official, "you know, as kind of a make-up. But it turns out there aren’t any. Weird, huh? Anyway—Thea’s back!"

 

The rumors have prompted a large volume of calls to cable operators in Wisconsin, clamoring for the addition of ESPN Deportes to their channel lineups. Another ESPN official who spoke anonymously said Packer fans lucky enough to receive the broadcast on such short notice would like what they heard.

 

"Joe Theismann and Paul Maguire in Spanish—you’re not missing a thing, cheeseheads," he said. "Believe me, we’re doing you a favor."

[jwpeer 0]

So which satire site is this from?

[The Czech Republic 0]

Dogs don't get satire

[JustJoe2k5 0]

I always love how networks will make primetime games that look good on paper, but by the time the game actually happens it is between some of the worst teams in the NFL. Like the Sunday Night Football game last year between Cleveland and Miami, it was painful to watch.

 

I still don't understand why ESPN dropped the Saturday night game between the Falcons and the Panthers. They only delivered one of the best games of the year last year.

[Black Lushus 0]

if it's true and it happens, pretty stupid move by ESPN...I imagine the game would get more ratings than whatever stupid tripe they have lined up in its place.

[nl5xsk1 0]

I'm guessing that the network went with this game because it was a division game in what was presumably Favre's last season. They probably anticipated him & the Pack running wild on the Lions and thus they'd get 3 hours to wash his balls.

 

Oh, and I'm also guessing that the satire posted as news might be the lamest thing I'll read all year.

[Guest Duke_The_Dog]

http://www.robertlalasz.com/packers Source

[jwpeer 0]

He made it up or someone did, there's nothing in the associated press about any of this. Just a quick search at ap.org found that out. Which should be obvious if you read ANY of the article, because it's stupid. And ridiculous.

Edited December 8, 2005 by jwpeer

[2GOLD 0]

Yeah, no one at ESPN would think a reality series would even come close to the ratings of the NFL game. Just someone made a parody how ESPN seemed to focus more on what TO was having for breakfast than the actual NFL this season.

[Special K 0]

"This would have been the 100th consecutive nationally televised game where somebody interviewed me about whether I’m going to retire or not," said Favre during his weekly press conference. "Now there’s a streak I’m really proud of. You really look forward to keeping something like that alive. But if they’re not even interested enough to show up—shoot, I might just pull the plug on the whole dang thing."

 

Come on you guys, some of you thought this was real? Some of it's sort of amusing, though.

[Art Sandusky 0]

If they were to do this for real, I think I'd have to go kick some doors down at ESPN and start demanding answers.

 

Seriously, how in God's name does ANYONE care about agents, especially a slimeball like that motherfucker whose name I refuse to type lest I make it look like I actually give a fuck. When agents are getting more face time than actual athletes on sportscasts, we've lost the reason for sport in the first place.

[Vern Gagne 0]

Remeber this is the same network that cancelled "Playmakers" because the NFL didn't improve of it.

[Slayer 0]

Knowing it's satire, I wouldn't seriously believe that sponsors who paid for an ad during football would be very happy to...

 

*thinks about the evolution of TV (esp. ESPN) over the last five years*

 

You know what, fuck it, it could happen

[The Czech Republic 0]

Remeber this is the same network that cancelled "Playmakers" because the NFL didn't improve of it.

Vern Gagne vs. English: The Final Confrontation

[Vern Gagne 0]

That's so three weeks ago.

[Art Sandusky 0]

Playmakers was horrible in the first place. Total farce. In this day and age of "we can pack more intensely-scripted controversy into our shows than you," a series about any major sport is pretty much impossible. Maybe the reality route would, for once, produce a realistic and compelling look at a team and its members, but no one wants to see more of that reality shit.

Edited December 8, 2005 by Kotzenjunge

[Annabelle 0]

beginning of the article i believed it. until some parts. like stuart scott. i hate that guy. i hope schwab eats him whole.

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

But remember that ESPN getting the MNF package next year and there was talk they were looking to try and make the later part of the season's game schedule flexible so they could have better games towards the end of the season..

 

Im sure if they could do that for this Sunday they would.

[Art Sandusky 0]

It's not like Sunday Night games have ever been great matchups historically anyway. Doesn't help that the commentary is awful.

[Jorge Gorgeous 0]

Some of it's sort of amusing, though.

 

no.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Playmakers was horrible in the first place. Total farce. In this day and age of "we can pack more intensely-scripted controversy into our shows than you," a series about any major sport is pretty much impossible. Maybe the reality route would, for once, produce a realistic and compelling look at a team and its members, but no one wants to see more of that reality shit.

 

Hmmm, someone doesn't have NFL Network! 6 Days to Sunday is an awesome show. There's tons of other ones as well.

 

Leave it up to NFL Films to actually make an interesting reality show.

[Art Sandusky 0]

NFL Films is yet another reason our kids will start officially calling football the national pastime.

[Guest Vitamin X]

I know I already do!

 

Fuck baseball.

[Slayer 0]

NFL Films

Fuck NFL Films and specifically fuck the Sabol family. When I want to see the classic NFL games, I want to see them as they appeared live, not chopped down into a half-hour with dramatic slow-motion on-the-field shots and overly dramatic narration. They can take games that I remember watching and make them totally unrecognizable.

[Guest Vitamin X]

NFL Films is yet another reason our kids will start officially calling football the national pastime.

This is one of the best quotes I've ever seen.

 

Fuck NFL Films and specifically fuck the Sabol family. When I want to see the classic NFL games, I want to see them as they appeared live, not chopped down into a half-hour with dramatic slow-motion on-the-field shots and overly dramatic narration. They can take games that I remember watching and make them totally unrecognizable.

 

I'd have to disagree with you there. Watch ESPN Classic some more, and even on NFL Network, you'll see plenty of classic games that's just cut down to the plays themselves over 60 minutes and cut out the time in between. They did this for when I watched the 1982 Dolphins/Chargers playoff game (of course that edition was like a couple hours long), and I've seen them do it for a lot of other games as well. Even then, I like the post-production work done to great games over the years, adding the on-the-field and sidelines noise and talk/action to the mix as well. The "Game of the Week" treatment done every week for the 2 best games played on NFL Network is awesome and fun to watch. It illustrates the story behind each game, before, during, and after, very effectively, which is, and let's face it, probably one of the biggest draws we all have to sports to begin with.

[Slayer 0]

I have never once seen a classic NFL game shown as it was broadcast (by contrast, consider numerous college football broadcasts re-aired on ESPNC), even in a mildly edited form. It's always the uber-dramatic NFL films version.

 

To build upon my "they can take games that I remember watching and make them totally unrecognizable" quote, I'll cite the Rams-Pats Super Bowl. I can stil remember the original Fox broadcast showing a far-back view right down the uprights as Vinaiteri kicked the winning FG. A couple years later when I saw the NFLF 1/2 hour version of the game, they only show the kick from the field point of view, and then we watch the ball take five minutes to clear the uprights. It adds nothing to my memory of the game and IMO does not preserve the feel of the game at all.

 

Imagine if other leagues did this with their highlights. Imagine classic sports moments like Gibby's home-run or Michael Jordan's game-winning shots shown in NFLF style rather than the original broadcasts that we still see today. To quote Jim Mora Sr.: "In my opinion, that sucks"

[EVIL~! alkeiper 0]

I believe there are actually NFL regulations that do not allow ESPN and other stations to replay classic NFL games in their entirety. I too could not recall seeing the station ever airing an entire game, and that's allowing for their liberal cuts of chunks of games.

 

NFL films does a good job of glamourizing games and making them seem more important and exciting than they really were. (And quite honestly, anything narrated by Harry Kalas is off to a good start). But I would get frustrated with the productions. I've seen MLB games given the same treatment, and it completely robs the game of any drama and emotion.

[Guest Vitamin X]

I'm not sure if you guys have watched ESPN Classic enough (or at all). I've seen them play NFL and college FB games in their entirety (well, with certain inconsequential plays cut out, as well as the lag between plays) there, as well as on NFL Network, though NFL Films does most of the work done there. They also do a lot of camera (but not production) work for other sports as well. It's on the FAQ section of their website, but it's not copy-and-pasteable so I can't quote it here.

[EVIL~! alkeiper 0]

You can click "view source" or "page source" from your browser menu, and cut and paste it that way.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Not when the website's done in Macromedia Flash and I can't find the HTML version (or am just too lazy to look for it myself).