So you're John Cena. Okay?

[Guest Random Question Asker]

So you're John Cena (a face) and you're going up against RVD for the WWE Championship at a arena with one of the most vocal and passionate crowds ever. RVD has been predicted by all to win the match. He comes out and the arena is 100% behind. Finally, your music hits and the audience boos. You come out and they boo even louder as you salute the crowd ignoring the fact that they hate your guts.

 

The match starts, and you have a back and forth match where the crowd stays clearly behind RVD. During the match, the crowd gets more and more angry every time you perform one of your three basic moves (punch, five knuckle shuffle, Austin punch) and some fans even shake the barricade yelling for RVD to get up.

 

Finally, RVD gets back on the offensive.

 

He hits the Van Daminator

 

 

He goes to the top rope looking to perform the Five Star Frog Splash. The crowd and rumbling with excitement as it seems as RVD is about to win the title. He jumps...

 

 

and...

 

MISSES!!!

 

You moved out of the way and RVD "hits" the chair that he used on you earlier. The crowd is livid with hatred for you. You wait for RVD to get up, and he does, and you hit the F-U on to the chair and then go for the pin.

 

1-2-3

 

The match is over, and you have retained against RVD. All of the sudden a fan wearing an RVD shirt comes into the ring. You literally hit him. And then another fan wearing an ECW shirt begins rolling into the ring and stomp him until he falls off the apron. Finally another guy comes in and you give him a hard right also.

 

You look around as security rounds up the three fans and see fans running down from the stands and about to jump the barricade. One guy pulls out a switchblade. Another guy can clearly be seen putting bullets into his handgun. You try to alert the security people, but they are getting beat up by fans who have jumped the guard rail. Suddenly, you realize you can't run anywhere as fans, who look like they are about to murder you, begin jumping the rail and you're in trouble.

 

What do you do? What do you do?

[justcoz 0]

Cue Public Enemy's music to start? Or the Gangsta's. I don't know. Are you high?

[Ravenbomb 0]

I'd whip it out and start vigorously masturbating

[Guest droptoehold]

 

1 by 1 you dismantle the unathletic slugs that try to step.

then as the whole crowd has fallen you tell them..

you cant see me!

[Downhome 0]

If I was John Cena? I'd have Umaga on my side, so I'd have nothing to fear other than stray chops.

[Carnival 0]

This thread is awesome, Thank you random question man and droptoehold.

 

I say if Cena beats RVD, he gets murdered by fans storming the ring, and nobody in the hamerstein ballroom saw a fucking thing.

[sluggo 0]

Murs and E-40 will have John's back

[Enigma 0]

What the fuck is this.

[Jingus 0]

So you're John Cena

 

What do you do?

 

Suicide.

[Carnival 0]

What do you do? What do you do?

Random Question Asker always asks the same question.

 

I still love him.

[razazteca 0]

Get on the mic and quote lines from Malibu's Most Wanted.

[LucharesuFan619 0]

I'd do like Delirious does and roll myself into a huge ball and hope I confused the crazy nut fans who just a second ago were about to rip my heart out.

[Guest Hass of Pain]

If I'm John Cena, I laugh at all of the geeks who paid $300 for a ticket who think they are hard, and then I kick all of their asses by myself. Then I nail a few broads, call my boy Samoa Joe and tell him about the forty year old man in glasses who came at me while wearing an "I'm Hardcore" t-shirt, count my money and call it a night.

[World's Worst Man 0]

Learn to wrestle.

[Da Maintenance Man 0]

If I'm John Cena, I laugh at all of the geeks who paid $300 for a ticket who think they are hard, and then I kick all of their asses by myself. Then I nail a few broads, call my boy Samoa Joe and tell him about the forty year old man in glasses who came at me while wearing an "I'm Hardcore" t-shirt, count my money and call it a night.

 

Best post in the thread. I'd do the same too, for the record.

[Guest Princess Leena]

Laugh at the ECW reject who's violently shaking while he has a gun in his hand... and in 3 seconds receives the ass-kicking of his life.

 

Oh, and also enjoy ECW finally being buried for good.

[Paul Stanley 0]

Is this Mid-South all over again?

 

Nothing beats Dennis Condrey pulling out a handgun w/ Cornette & Eaton.

[benn 0]

I say if Cena beats RVD, he gets murdered by fans storming the ring, and nobody in the hamerstein ballroom saw a fucking thing.

 

I like it.

[Prime Time Andrew Doyle 0]

I'd whip it out and start vigorously masturbating

 

That idea is just so crazy and zany that it just might work.

[benn 0]

If I'm John Cena, I laugh at all of the geeks who paid $300 for a ticket who think they are hard, and then I kick all of their asses by myself. Then I nail a few broads, call my boy Samoa Joe and tell him about the forty year old man in glasses who came at me while wearing an "I'm Hardcore" t-shirt, count my money and call it a night.

I like this more.

[yankovic fan 0]

I'd whip it out and start vigorously masturbating

 

That idea is just so crazy and zany that it just might work.

 

 

But... but...

 

"Did he come?"

 

 

"JESUS GIL!"

[SuperJerk 0]

If I'm John Cena, I laugh at all of the geeks who paid $300 for a ticket who think they are hard, and then I kick all of their asses by myself. Then I nail a few broads, call my boy Samoa Joe and tell him about the forty year old man in glasses who came at me while wearing an "I'm Hardcore" t-shirt, count my money and call it a night.

Realism comes to TSM.

[Guest scottb75]

You look around as security rounds up the three fans and see fans running down from the stands and about to jump the barricade. One guy pulls out a switchblade. Another guy can clearly be seen putting bullets into his handgun. You try to alert the security people, but they are getting beat up by fans who have jumped the guard rail. Suddenly, you realize you can't run anywhere as fans, who look like they are about to murder you, begin jumping the rail and you're in trouble.

 

What do you do? What do you do?

 

Quickly grab the nearest person (probably the ref or RVD himself) and use him as a bullet shield.

[tekcop 0]

Watch as the locker room runs out to beat the shit out of the stupid assed fans?

[Art Sandusky 0]

I'd drop my pants and take a dump in the middle of the ring. That should confuse everyone for long enough to get some toilet paper and escape.

[mfn 0]

Do the whole... You can't see me thing. Throw down a smoke bomb as I yell ninja vanish, and get the hell out of dodge.

[River City Rocker 0]

I'd drop my pants and take a dump in the middle of the ring. That should confuse everyone for long enough to get some toilet paper and escape.

 

You win. Thread over.

[Guest Coffey]

Where are the mods?

 

[Ravenbomb 0]

I'd whip it out and start vigorously masturbating

 

That idea is just so crazy and zany that it just might work.

 

It should. I mean, would YOU run at some sweaty half-naked guy while he's beating off?

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Damn, this post makes me want to see Cena retain againest RVD, just to see what would happen.