PROMO: "We Quit"

[janusd 0]

Sometime Before SWF Ground Zero

The Alternate Universe Gund Arena

 

The door to Joseph Peters' office creaks open, and the commissioner of the SWF looks up slowly to see which bizarro version of a superstar walks into his office. When he lifts his head up however he sees a familiar seven foot figure standing in front of his desk, with bright red eyes. Resplendent in their white business suit, the Hell Machine leans over to place one hand on Peters' desk, while the other fishes inside their coat pocket to pull something out. The letter slides slowly across the desk to Peters' hands, and he picks it up as Janus straightens up and adjusts their tie. The commissioner looks up a moment later.

 

"You're QUITTING?" he asks with mild increduality. "What about your buddy?"

 

"Hojo already knows our decision. We have dealt with the strangeness so far, but we've had our fill. We're leaving, Peters."

 

"We're not even done with this chaos! This isn't our... homeworld! God that sounded stupid, but still the point stands! You can't quit yet, neither of you! It's just silly!"

 

Peters' words fall not only on deaf ears, but on the wooden door as it closes behind the giant. In the hallways of the alternate Gund Arena, the Hell Machine strides past SWFers and IGNWFers alike, their eyes scanning left and right, looking for a door. Not any particular door, but a special door, a door their unique personality had been sensitive to throughout this entire journey. It takes only a brief stroll to find it - a broom closet - and the giant pauses, resting their hand on the knob. They knew that when they opened this door, the multiverse would open before them, and they would be able to step into another reality entirely. With a grim smile on their face, they open the door and are engulfed in a bright white light.

 

"Introducing the pride of the Australian Wrestling Federation from Perth, Western Australia! He stands at five feet and weighs a plucky hundred and ten pounds! Please welcome the Atheletic Aussie himself, JAAAAAAAAAAAANUS!"

 

As the sound of the Australian national anthem droned out across the arena, he knew it was time. Dressed in white tights and a white singlet, the lithe Australian bounded out from behind the curtain, his bright green eyes gleaming as he waved to the fans and skipped back and forth on the stage amid the pyrotechnics, before he raced like a bolt of lightning to ringside. He didn't stop for a moment as he vaulted up onto the edge of the ring, rolling over the top rope with impeccable grace and turning a full circle before he danced around the ring. The movement stopped only after he vaulted onto the top rope, spreading his arms wide in the adoration of the fans, while behind him the announcer continued.

 

"And his opponent..."

 

The door closes again, and the Hell Machine blinks their red eyes. Slowly, they press the fingers of one hand to their forehead and shake their head slowly at what they'd witnessed. If one could see inside their head, they would be able to see the two personalities staring at each other in perplexion, before they each shrugged and decided to open the door again. The broom closet swung open, again bathing the Hell Machine in that bright white light.

 

"Janus, I have something to tell you."

 

The titanic figure, stark naked - and a eunuch - looked over his shoulder. His room in this house was a sparse affair, consisting only of a bed and a closet, in which he was looking when the voice spoke to him. Pulling on a long white bathrobe, the giant turned towards the speaker - a red headed female with a Canadian accent - and tilted his head. The small female sighed, and pulled out a grenade from behind her back, dropping the pin and lobbing the explosive before jumping out the door.

 

The blast knocked the titanic figure through the bedroom wall and into the bathroom, and as he sprawled on his back, his vision seemed to fill with static, then clear, then fill with static again. As he sat up and patted himself down, fingers touched cold metal and he looked at the armour that covered his torso and at the shredded flesh of his arms, revealing the cold steel underneath. The female leaned through the hole in the wall with an apologetic smile.

 

"Your name isn't Janus. You've just gotten too deep into your disguised personality, Core. Sorry to be so violent, but we have to go. Are you with us?"

 

"I'm with you." the titanic figure replied in a dull monotone, rising to his feet as...

 

For the second time, the Hell Machine swung the door shut, and stepped backwards across the hallway, leaning against the far wall. CLosing their eyes, they brushed a gloved hand across their brow and sighed deeply. There were many seperate realms that they could have ended up in, but they knew for a fact they were not going to go into one where they ended up like Danny Williams. For a few moments they reconsidered their choice of quitting the SWF, then they shook their head and stepped away from the wall, pulling the door open again and for the third and hopefully last time they were engulfed in a blazing white light.

 

"Where the hell have you been?" Jyrras asked, the kangaroo rat turning towards his portal. "I've been worried..."

 

"Don't mind me." Janus Bond smiled, brushing off his pink tuxedo and running fingers through chocolate hair. "I'm here now, that's all that matters."

 

"True that." Jyrras smiled, pulling his lover close to...

 

The door SLAMMED shut this time, leaving a distinctly disturbed giant in the hallway of the alternative Gund Arena. Inside their head, Janus and Terrence look at each other, the latter inquiring as to the wisdom of continually opening the door. The former responds that it may be disturbing, but it's their only ticket out. However, when they next open the door, the multiversal force within wraps around them and almost angrily yanks them through, slamming the door with enough force to crack both physical masonry and the fabric of reality. With such damage done, the universe proceeds to react in the most natural way possible to a rip in the fabric of reality.

 

It conviently imploded with a sound similar to a *pop*.

 

The Hell Machine on the other hand, opened their eyes to find themselves sitting on a wooden chair, part of a small circle of chairs on which sat various figures. The first was a slender, amethyst-eyed person, nearly elven in a ppearance, with silvery hair and a deep red cloak. The second wore a simple black vest and pants, and had golden eyes offset by white hair. The third was the happy-go-lucky plucky cruiserweight they'd seen in their second vision, and the last three weren't even human. Two were a pair of anthropomorphic ferrets with matching chocolate hair, eyeglasses, and caramel fur - one in a pink tuxedo, the other in regular clothing. The last was an anthropomorphic red panda with rose glasses, deep purple hair, and what looked like a harem outfit.

 

"Another one." the silver-haired figure said dryly. "This place attracts our kind, it seems."

 

"Guess so..." the red panda brushed his glasses up on his nose. "We may as well start the introductions again. Hey, big guy, you conscious yet?"

 

"We'd hit you if we knew what was going on." the Hell Machine grumbled in confusion.

 

"Pocket dimension." the black-dressed figure replied, gesturing around them, before standing up and bowing slightly. "Janus Laerir, of Avengaea, progenitor of the Laerir clan and half-dragon."

 

"Janus Davoren." the silver-haired figure said, nudging the hood of his robe down with gloved hands. "Mage, family man, dimension-hopping demi-being, and generally pleasant fellow."

 

"Janus Bailey, the damn best cruiserweight the Australian Wrestling Federation ever saw!" the short wrestler piped up enthusiastically.

 

"Janus Whitefurr, mustelea putoris furo last I checked. Anthropomorphic ferret, writer, and all around nice guy." the casually dressed ferret added.

 

"Janus Lamington. What mister Whitefurr said, just change the species and make it 'lovable guy' and you've got it." the red panda continued.

 

"Janus Bond. Super-secret agent, ladies man, charmer, and really dashing bloke in pink." the other ferret finished.

 

Silence fell over the small gathering, all looking at the Hell Machine expectantly. The giant had slowly begun to sit up as the introductions were made, and by the time they were done was sitting up and staring around with bright red eyes. Now that they was aware of their surroundings, they could see the chairs were set up in what looked like the backstage area of a theater, and the others were still watching him. Brushing their hand across their brow, the Hell Machine finally spoke in their rumblingly deep voice.

 

"We are Terrence 'Janus' Bailey. Two minds, one body. Smartmarks Wrestling Federation wrestler. What the HELL is going on here?"

 

"Uuniverse imploded." Janus Davoren replied. "At least, someone's did. It drops us here."

 

"Us being the Januses. Or is it Janusii, I forget..." Janus Whitefurr pondered.

 

"What the bloody hell happens now then?" the Hell Machine inquired. "We find this rather hard to believe."

 

"Line dance." Janus Lamington answered with a swish of his tail. "We line dance."

 

At that exact moment, the curtain behind which they were sitting began to rise. Everyone rose from their seats, with Janus Laerir and Janus Davoren each grabbing the Hell Machine's arms with surprisingly strong grips and walking the titan out onto the stage with them. The theater looked dusty, dilapidated, empty, but there was the feeling that someone was watching them. For a moment, Janus considered punching out the others and leaving, but then music began to pipe over the speakers, and before they could help themselves, they had his arms around the two Janusii who were closest to him, and they proceeded to line dance on the stage.

 

"Kick to the left!"

 

"Kick to the right!"

 

"Keep the rhythm going!"

 

~ Fin. ~

[the.weej 0]

And a million dollars to anybody that guesses who's responsible for this.

 

-Z

[Bruce Blank 0]

You don't mean "what is responsible"? cause I'm torn between tequila and pot

[hhh6294 0]

And a million dollars to anybody that guesses who's responsible for this.

 

-Z

 

wild guess, but uh... Janus?

[Toxxic 0]

If this really is the end of Janus in the SWF then I'm a sad, sad panda. And here I was hoping for Janus vs Nemesis at Genesis, too. However, if the big guy feels he has to move on, then so be it.

 

Stick around though.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

If this is true, then his last match would involve burying his opponent in a graveyard, no?

 

That's not such a bad ending.

[Bruce Blank 0]

Nope he lost to a Canuck in his last match actually. (JJ Johnson)

[Smartly Pretty 0]

That's significantly less cool.

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

HES RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!