super_tigris Posted August 29, 2006 Report Posted August 29, 2006 “A violent endeavor,” a weathered voice purses the sound waves, “That’s the best way to describe what I’m about to endure.” “Endeavor,” questions a distant voice from across the dimly lit room, “Are you sure this isn’t just another attempt to ‘find’ your true self?” “Endeavor,” replies the voice from before, “My attempt to show the world I’m not totally useless without that bum of a competitor Akira Kaibatsu.” “You sure,” the questioning voice probes on, “You’ve been off and on wrestling for a while, are you sure this is what you want?” “Wrestling’s always been an off and on thing,” the face of the speaker comes into plain view, “But this...this thing might be the only thing keeping me content with my career. Violence…pain – well, now, that’s something I’ve had a passion for my entire life.” “You do realize that’s why you’re here, Mike,” the image now shows both speakers, this secondary presence seemingly a doctor, possibly a shrink, “Violence is not the answer.” “I beg to differ, doc,” a pause initiates followed by a curling smile, “I beg to differ.” “Differ?” “Yes,” the voice pursues its darkened tone, “I beg to differ – I think violence is the answer.” A lengthy pause follows, as if to think over his choice. “Yes, I think so.” The image fades, the doctor skeptically eying his patient, intent on understanding him.
Smartly Pretty Posted August 29, 2006 Report Posted August 29, 2006 Weren't we going to make "MY ANTI DRUG" things that said violence a while ago?
super_tigris Posted August 29, 2006 Author Report Posted August 29, 2006 Weren't we going to make "MY ANTI DRUG" things that said violence a while ago? |V|I|O|L|E|N|C|E| ...my Anti-Drug
Toxxic Posted August 30, 2006 Report Posted August 30, 2006 I still reckon your promos and writing in general would be better if you weren't using verbs that didn't make much sense. "purses the sound waves" is a TRULY odd way to put it. Yes, someone's voice makes vibrations in the air, and yes, to 'purse' can be to bend such as pursing your lips. But soundwaves come from when the air is already bent (or 'pursed', if we want to use your words) so further 'pursing' is not necessary. Cross is a melodramatic character, and i accept that. However, I think you need to work on making the rest of your language a bit simpler and, to be honest, not try and use words that you don't really understand the correct use of. That way, even if Cross does sound a little odd his speech will at least be distinct from the descriptive writing around it. Regarding the promo itself, it's fine as a teaser but doesn't say a great deal except that Cross is still planning to be violent (which to be fair, we could probably work out anyway).
Toxxic Posted August 30, 2006 Report Posted August 30, 2006 Best psychiatrist promo ever: http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/index.php?...64&hl=frood
Smartly Pretty Posted August 31, 2006 Report Posted August 31, 2006 I didn't read the promo, just the awesome posts about Mayor McChese and stuff
Angel_Grace_Blue Posted August 31, 2006 Report Posted August 31, 2006 God damn it, he didn't have a cheeseburger for a head. He wore a giant foam cheeseburger that he would take off for the match, and underneath was a mask that resembled a cheeseburger. Fuckers.
Toxxic Posted August 31, 2006 Report Posted August 31, 2006 Blame that clueless newbie and idiot, the Suicide King.
Guest El XL Posted August 31, 2006 Report Posted August 31, 2006 BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!! Sorry Violence is not the answer this week, maybe next week. This week the answer is NEMESISAMANIA!!!
super_tigris Posted August 31, 2006 Author Report Posted August 31, 2006 To Toxx: Thanks for replying, again, that's something I've needed for a while. I knew that sentence with the word 'pursed' in it was sort of sketchy. Oddly enough, I kept it if only because it was the only way I could maintain the sense of sort of a weathered voice that hits the are with a 'hiss'. I do need to work on language. One of the most lacking aspects of my writing is my command of the English language. What with being so on and off with writing, it's been tough to actually apply some of the words I want to apply. I'm over-looking a lot of my vocabulary, and it shows. I throw in words to make up for it that don't belong. As for this, it's just a statement. It'll make sense in due time, you just have to wait. After this next show I think you'll be like, "Oh, alright." At least I hope.
HollywoodSpikeJenkins Posted September 1, 2006 Report Posted September 1, 2006 I was high. Leave me alone. Meanie.
HollywoodSpikeJenkins Posted September 1, 2006 Report Posted September 1, 2006 Where is IL when we need him? Oh yeah, Dead.
janusd Posted September 2, 2006 Report Posted September 2, 2006 Best psychiatrist promo ever: http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/index.php?...64&hl=frood (Y)
Toxxic Posted September 2, 2006 Report Posted September 2, 2006 Hey, at that time my member title was 'I mark for Janus'. I still do.
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