Guest treble charged Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Kinetic, Can you suggest a good way for me announce to the posters of this board that I am the one responsible for this breakdown? You seem to have a way with words, and I can't think of a good way to phrase what it is I want to say. Also, even within the world of hockey, the mullet has never been popular, but try telling that to my boss. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Your Royal Higness, In response to your urging of the cutting of mullets, I have filed the initial paperwork for the Chancellery of Frightening/Offensive/Disgusting Matters to outlaw the mullet. We have also recently had the Imperial March take the place of "Hail to the Chief." What do you want for yourself, to take the place of "Hail Columbia?" On an unrelated note, your intelligence is too obvious to deny. The Abbey Party does not allow idiots into its Cabinet. Future "President" for Life, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Kinetic, Can you suggest a good way for me announce to the posters of this board that I am the one responsible for this breakdown? You seem to have a way with words, and I can't think of a good way to phrase what it is I want to say. "Ladies and gentlemen of the SmartMarks board, It has come to my attention that the poster known as AngleSault has suffered something of a nervous breakdown. There are several theories as to what caused this sudden decline in his mental health, many of which have been expressed on this very board. Was it the steady depush of Kurt Angle that quite ironically "pushed" our dear friend over the edge? Perhaps the failure of the Hogan-Angle program, which he had vocally lobbied for in the past, drove him to insanity. Some would even go so far as to suggest that recurring nightmares about the train wreck that so savagely robbed him of his legs simply became too much to bear. Alas, these culprits were but red herrings. The real cause of AngleSault's nervous breakdown is obvious: he stepped into Treble Charged's world. He was out of his element. It was foolish of this emoticon-wielding half-wit to believe that he stood a chance against me and I made quick and simple work of him. Who can forget the time I (insert witty remark made here)? Imagine the blubbering that occurred in the Sault residence the time I (insert witty remark made here). Simply put, no one amongst you can verbally spar with me. I am better and smarter than you all. So let us not forget the lesson of AngleSault: Emoticons impress no one. The Edge feud wasn't that bad. Fucking with Treble Charged does not pay. I will toy with you and then snap your psyche like a twig. Thank you for your time, Treble Charged" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Your Royal Higness, In response to your urging of the cutting of mullets, I have filed the initial paperwork for the Chancellery of Frightening/Offensive/Disgusting Matters to outlaw the mullet. We have also recently had the Imperial March take the place of "Hail to the Chief." What do you want for yourself, to take the place of "Hail Columbia?" Future "President" for Life, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Something that will strike fear into the hearts of men, but is still somewhat danceable. I'm drawing a blank. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Your Royal Highness, Your response for Treble Charged was brilliance. Could you write up my first statement after renaming the Democratic Party the Abbey Party and outlawing Republicans? Also, I've got some ideas for your "Hail Columbia" replacement in the Ask the Dictator! thread if you wish to see them. When, or if, you make up my statement, post it in the aforementioned thread. Danke schon! (No, the German thanking was not a thinly-veiled reference to any real Neo-Nazi tendencies, you alarmists. My Presidential campaign is all about democratic ideals and restoring order to these United States of America.) Would you like for me to continue using "Your Royal Highness" as my salutation or would you rather be called "Assistant Proconsul Kinetic?" (Gee, I wonder.) Future "President" for Life, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest evenflowDDT Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Hey yo Kinetic, Can I post an advice column too? Is it hard to give advice? Why do people refer to you as "Your Royal Highness"? Are you the King of Texas? Love, evenflowDDT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Your Royal Highness, Your response for Treble Charged was brilliance. Could you write up my first statement after renaming the Democratic Party the Abbey Party and outlawing Republicans? Also, I've got some ideas for your "Hail Columbia" replacement in the Ask the Dictator! thread if you wish to see them. When, or if, you make up my statement, post it in the aforementioned thread. Danke schon! (No, the German thanking was not a thinly-veiled reference to any real Neo-Nazi tendencies, you alarmists. My Presidential campaign is all about democratic ideals and restoring order to these United States of America.) Would you like for me to continue using "Your Royal Highness" as my salutation or would you rather be called "Assistant Proconsul Kinetic?" (Gee, I wonder.) Future "President" for Life, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Thank you for the kind words. I'll see what I can do as far as that speech is concerned. "Assistant Proconsul Kinetic" would be fine. I never understood why you were referring to me as "Your Royal Highness" to begin with. I thought maybe it was the "King of America" title under my screen name, but I wasn't sure. I'm still not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Hey yo Kinetic, Can I post an advice column too? Is it hard to give advice? Why do people refer to you as "Your Royal Highness"? Are you the King of Texas? Love, evenflowDDT You can do whatever you want. I stole the idea from another board and I'd be more than happy to allow you to steal it from me. It isn't hard to give fake advice, no. The hard part is maintaining a certain standard of wit. It requires a tremendous amount of time and effort to formulate the perfect response for each question, as you might imagine. Fortunately, I gave up on that after the first page. The thread's pretty much been coasting on its own momentum since then. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Assistant Proconsul Kinetic, Well, yeah. King of America prompted me to address you as such. We can arrange for the King of Texas part after the Abbey Party ascension, since Texas will be one of three states directly administered by the State, the other two being California and New York. I myself will be King of New York, I suppose Goodhelmet can be King of California if he wishes. Good to hear about the speech. Thank you for your time in such consideration. (Charlton Heston Voice) You truly are a King of Kings. (Voice off) Future "President" for Life, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 13, 2002 Dear Kinetc, How does it feel be a wrestling fan AND have a good taste in music? The two so rarely go hand in had. Because of that, I felt so alone until I came onto ths board. The world was a cold and cruel place, Kinetic, filled with wrestling fans who's idea of a good musical time is rocking to the likes of Kid Rock. Granted, I only have two friends that are into wrestling, and most of my friends are non-wrestling fans who have very respectable taste in music, though my point remains. But are you like me, Kinetic, do you know what it feels like to both love the Velvet Underground and mark out for Kurt Angle? It is a pain I know too well, my sweet friend, a pain I know too well. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest areacode212 Report post Posted June 14, 2002 Your Royal Higness, In response to your urging of the cutting of mullets, I have filed the initial paperwork for the Chancellery of Frightening/Offensive/Disgusting Matters to outlaw the mullet. We have also recently had the Imperial March take the place of "Hail to the Chief." What do you want for yourself, to take the place of "Hail Columbia?" Future "President" for Life, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Something that will strike fear into the hearts of men, but is still somewhat danceable. I'm drawing a blank. May I suggest the Star Wars Imperial March, only set to a funky bass beat? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 14, 2002 That actually exists. The Maximum Proconsul already has the Imperial March for himself, but no one said we couldn't do a variant for the Assistant Proconsul. Look up "Imperial March Club Mix" on KaZaA and you will get a dancey version. It's kick-ASS too. Anyways, just thought'd I'd address something that I could handle. You changing your sub-name to Baron of Labor? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest goodhelmet Report post Posted June 14, 2002 ok, leave your totalitarian despot plans in the ask the dictator folder jacK! this folder is all about the infinite wisdom of kinetic. on that note... dear kinetic, recently i had the chance to meet the drummer of def leppard. i wanted to shake his hand but he was carrying a soda. should i have insisted he put the soda down to shake my hand or should i have just given him a pat on the nub? also, when you move to North Carolina, do you plan on swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. If so, are you concerned Jellyfish might swallow you whole? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 14, 2002 My apologies. I get caught up in it sometimes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest goodhelmet Report post Posted June 14, 2002 dammit kotzenjunge, ask kinetic a question!!! as an addendum to my previous questions, if you had a choice of feeding the drummer of def leppard to hungry sharks or a starved lion, which would you prefer? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 14, 2002 Assistant Proconsul Kinetic, Do you play a lot of video games? If so, what is your favorite of all time? Mine would have to be between Tetris and Starfox 64, even though it was easy as hell. Also, related to the note of favorites, I was listening to the Price is Right theme, and I wondered if you were a game show freak like myself. Where is your wedding gift? Future "President" for Life Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest evenflowDDT Report post Posted June 17, 2002 Hey yo Kinetic, Why are you baiting the Rob? You're not really supposed to feed dangerous animals like that... Love, evenflowDDT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 17, 2002 He must have seen the briefing in the State of America thread. And I thought he had left us! ALL HAIL ASSISTANT PROCONSUL KINETIC! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest crandamaniac Report post Posted June 17, 2002 Anybody notice he hasn't answered a question on this page yet, except for TC's Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 17, 2002 Sorry for the delay, gentlemen. Sometimes a man must be alone and this is no place to hide. But I return renewed with vigor and might, prepared to answer even the most daunting questions. Let's see what's on tap: Dear Kinetc, How does it feel be a wrestling fan AND have a good taste in music? The two so rarely go hand in had. Because of that, I felt so alone until I came onto ths board. The world was a cold and cruel place, Kinetic, filled with wrestling fans who's idea of a good musical time is rocking to the likes of Kid Rock. Granted, I only have two friends that are into wrestling, and most of my friends are non-wrestling fans who have very respectable taste in music, though my point remains. But are you like me, Kinetic, do you know what it feels like to both love the Velvet Underground and mark out for Kurt Angle? It is a pain I know too well, my sweet friend, a pain I know too well. The way I see it, the two have little to do with each other. I have noticed that my wrestling friends are a lot more open-minded to my musical taste than are my music friends to my wrestling habit, however. Take that for what you will. dear kinetic, recently i had the chance to meet the drummer of def leppard. i wanted to shake his hand but he was carrying a soda. should i have insisted he put the soda down to shake my hand or should i have just given him a pat on the nub? also, when you move to North Carolina, do you plan on swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. If so, are you concerned Jellyfish might swallow you whole? You should have torn his remaining arm from its socket and beaten him over the head with it. There's only one way to deal with members of Def Leppard: Extreme prejudice. I've only been in the Atlanatic Ocean once before, which was in Jacksonville during the summer. It left me hot, sticky sweet--from my head down to my feet, yeah--and I do recall there being a lot of jellyfish. But considering the amount of time that I'll likely spend at the beach--which is none--I'm not all that concerned. as an addendum to my previous questions, if you had a choice of feeding the drummer of def leppard to hungry sharks or a starved lion, which would you prefer? Both. Simultaneously. Do you play a lot of video games? If so, what is your favorite of all time? Mine would have to be between Tetris and Starfox 64, even though it was easy as hell. Also, related to the note of favorites, I was listening to the Price is Right theme, and I wondered if you were a game show freak like myself. I don't play a lot of video games, quite frankly. It's not that I don't have the time. It's just always a question of money and desire, and I don't have any of either. That said, my all-time favorite video game is probably "Contra 2" for the NES. I have a lot of fond memories of that game. I don't watch a lot of game shows, no. Hey yo Kinetic, Why are you baiting the Rob? You're not really supposed to feed dangerous animals like that... Love, evenflowDDT I have no idea who that guy is. I just thought I'd throw some questions at him to see if he has a future in the advice column business. Needless to say, his replies hastened my return to "Ask Kinetic." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 17, 2002 which was in Jacksonville Jacksonville, NC, or Jacksonville, FL? I live in the latter of the two. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 17, 2002 Dear Assistant Proconsul Kinetic, I need to get the one called Rob to leave this site forever. I have a nasty habit of being banned from forums and require a bit of assistance to help me get Rob banned that will not result in a ban for myself. Minister of WAR!!! SupaTaft Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 18, 2002 It was Jacksonville, Florida. I think we went to the zoo and then the beach. A splendid time was had, as I recall. Dear Assistant Proconsul Kinetic, I need to get the one called Rob to leave this site forever. I have a nasty habit of being banned from forums and require a bit of assistance to help me get Rob banned that will not result in a ban for myself. Take it to the No Holds Barred folder. You can anything you want there without fear of repercussions. You should see all of the things I had to say about Cobainwasmurdered, now that he's not around to (poorly) defend himself. And I don't even greatly dislike the guy! I can only imagine the sort of twisted SupaTaft brand venom you'd spew if your seemingly groundless dispute was taken to the flaming folder. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 18, 2002 "I can only imagine the sort of twisted SupaTaft brand venom you'd spew if your seemingly groundless dispute was taken to the flaming folder." Hey, when the State is at war, it doesn't need a reason. Thank you, Assistant Proconsul. Your Bromdinagian intellect has given us a solution as to how to be victorious! Now for my question... Assistant Proconsul Kinetic, What happened to my speech? As for a real question, what are your opinions on the following bands(whose personal opinions of mine I will include): Clinic: Genius, good enough to open for Radiohead, which they did. Gorillaz: I hate the ending with a z, but still a great change of pace from the usual. Linkin Park: I have problems with the spelling again, but a rap/rock band I actually like. Basement Jaxx: Bouncy fun for all. I may think of more later, perhaps the same concept, just with genres instead of groups. Future "President" for Life, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 18, 2002 Linkin Park: I have problems with the spelling again, but a rap/rock band I actually like. I wasn't aware our leader was a Linkin Park fan. No despot is perfect, I suppose. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 19, 2002 Assistant Proconsul Kinetic, What happened to my speech? As for a real question, what are your opinions on the following bands(whose personal opinions of mine I will include): Clinic: Genius, good enough to open for Radiohead, which they did. Gorillaz: I hate the ending with a z, but still a great change of pace from the usual. Linkin Park: I have problems with the spelling again, but a rap/rock band I actually like. Basement Jaxx: Bouncy fun for all. I may think of more later, perhaps the same concept, just with genres instead of groups. Future "President" for Life, Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge Clinic: Their first album is great, but the second one suffers from barely deviating from the template created with Internal Wrangler. To the point where you can listen to the songs and think "Hey, this is this album's 'Distortions."' Which is not to say it's bad or anything. They just needed to mix it up a little bit. And is it just me or is the bassline on "Harmony" almost identical to that of Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer"? Gorillaz: Liked the single a lot, so I bought the album. I wasn't very impressed. My current verdict is this: Good concept, spotty execution. Maybe I'll change my mind. Linkin Park: The living balls, man. Basement Jaxx: I don't care about dance music. Call me old fashioned, if you must. It just doesn't do anything for me. I like Bjork and Portishead and a couple of other things, but I don't know to what extent you could dance to the album versions of those songs. So, I don't know. I've heard good things but haven't bothered to check them out. Do I really want album art like this in my collection anyway?: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted June 19, 2002 That's the main reason I haven't gotten the album. It's SO UGLY! Um, was that Linkin Park verdict a good one or not? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 19, 2002 Um, was that Linkin Park verdict a good one or not? Bad. For whatever reason, despite containing the force from which all human life is derived and being a source of countless hours of entertainment, "balls" is a negative term. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest godthedog Report post Posted June 19, 2002 dear kinetic, what do you think is the best album the beatles ever recorded? critics almost always say 'sgt pepper', but general fan opinion seems to sway among 'revolver', the white album and 'abbey road'. what's your pick? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted June 20, 2002 dear kinetic, what do you think is the best album the beatles ever recorded? critics almost always say 'sgt pepper', but general fan opinion seems to sway among 'revolver', the white album and 'abbey road'. what's your pick? Abbey Road by far. Coincidentally, it also made #1 on my top 17 albums of all time--currently available on thesmartmarks.com. Thumbs up, cheap pop and stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
