Tales of Laziness.

[Guest "Go, Mordecai!"]

I stole this from a radio show, by the way. After all the mean-spiritedness of last night, we need something in the self-deprecating vein. We're mostly a bunch of slobs here, so there should be good contributions.

 

 

General:

I pick things up with my feet whenever possible so as to avoid bending over to pick things up. This gives me the qualities of a sloth as I commit the sin of sloth.

I, like many, have elected to microwave items in time periods that consist of the same digit (2 minutes and 22 seconds, 44 seconds, etc) because that way I don't have to press more than two buttons: the # and "start."

When I take clean laundry back to school, I do not put everything back in the respective drawers and closets. I simply live out of laundry bins until the supply of clean clothing has been exhausted.

 

Specific:

Sophomore year of high school, I had to write a 12-page research paper on the dissolution of the USSR. It was assigned in early January and due in early May. I wrote it the night before. This is borderline: it involves laziness via procrastination, but is countered by the diligence involved in writing the paper in less than 16 hours' time.

[Black Lushus 0]

junior year in high school, the assignment was to find a WW2 vet and "interview" him...I went to the local library, found an article based on a story as told by a vet, and modeled a fake interview after it. For shame!

 

on a regular activity front, I brush my teeth in the shower, do a half ass shave job in the middle of the week in the shower (I do a good shave every Saturday) and every once in awhile I'll piss in the shower.

[nl5xsk1 0]

I paid to have my laundry done for my last 3 years of college.

 

The laundromat near my house had a "pay by the pound" offer, and I used to pay them to do my laundry. I even paid the extra money in order to have everything - even my socks and boxers - ironed.

[Black Lushus 0]

I don't know if it's considered laziness, but I mulch and bag my leaves with a mower as opposed to raking them.

 

also, I don't shovel the whole driveway, just the walk and the actual sections of driveway that I ened to have cleared.

[Guest]

Whenever I need a can of soda, I wait for one of my two mentally disabled cousins that live with me to walk by, and then I ask them to grab the can out of the fridge for me.

 

Same thing for when the dog needs to come in the house.

[Angle-plex 0]

I've pissed, shit, threw up AND jacked off while taking a shower. I consider that multi-tasking more than laziness however.

[Black Lushus 0]

Whenever I need a can of soda, I wait for one of my two mentally disabled cousins that live with me to walk by, and then I ask them to grab the can out of the fridge for me.

 

Same thing for when the dog needs to come in the house.

 

I make my 4 year old daughter do both of those things...man I really am fucking lazy!

[Guest]

Honestly, I don't remember the last time that I got something out of the fridge.

 

Hell, I had them bring me a piece of my birthday cake yesterday. When I "went back" for seconds, that is.

[Gary Floyd 0]

I as laying down on the couch once,and I really had to piss. I actually wondered to myself "should I piss my pants, or just take a leak out the window?" I ended up using the toilet, but still...

[Guest "Go, Mordecai!"]

I have two desks in the room, with a small crack between. I don't even want to find out how much sundry garbage has been pushed into there. Is that laziness or does that cross into deplorable hygiene? It's certainly easier than throwing food crumbs and straw wrappers in the trash.

[CanadianChris 0]

First year of university, I dropped a class (after the drop deadline) rather than try to write a 10-page essay that counted for 40% of our grade in two days.

 

I can think of at least five times when I've written major papers either the night before the due date, or, in a couple of memorable instances, the morning of.

 

I regularly leave food wrappers, empty glasses, etc. in my computer room rather than make the walk to the kitchen to dispose of them. They usually only make it out whenever my wife notices and yells at me.

 

My old apartment was a monument to laziness. It was quite scary. I'm amazed my wife still wanted to marry me after she saw it (despite my half-assed attempt to clean it).

[geniusMoment 0]

[Will I Am]

Listen up ya'll, Cuz this is it

The beat that I'm bangin' is de-li-cious

 

[Fergie]

Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco

They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo

You could see you, you can't squeeze me

I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy

I got reasons why I tease 'em

Boys just come and go like seasons

 

[Hook]

Fergalicious (Fergalicious)

But I ain't promiscuous

And if you was suspicious

All that **** is fictitious

I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)

That puts them boys on rock, rock

And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

 

[Chorus]

So delicious (It's hot, hot)

So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)

So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)

Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)

 

[Verse 2]

Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def- [def fading echo]

Fergalicious definition make them boys go crazy

They always claim they know me

Comin' to me call me Stacy (Hey Stacy)

I'm the F to the E, R, G the I the E

And can't no other lady put it down like me

 

[Hook]

I'm Fergalicious (so delicious)

My body stay vicious

I be up in the gym just working on my fitness

He's my witness (oooh wee)

I put yo' boy on rock rock

And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

 

[Chorus]

So delicious (It's hot, hot)

So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)

So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)

Fergalicious (hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out)

 

[Vamp]

Baby, baby, baby

If you really want me

Honey get some patience

Maybe then you'll get a taste

I'll be tasty, tasty, I'll be laced with lacey

It's so tasty, tasty, It'll make you crazy

 

[Will I Am]

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it Fergie

 

[Fergie]

***

 

All the time I turn around always brotha's gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my

(uuhh)

I just wanna say it now I ain't tryin to round up drama little mama I don't wanna take your man

And I know I'm comin off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it

But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele

Cuz' they say she

 

[Hook]

Delicious (So delicious)

But I ain't promiscuous

And if you was suspicious

All that **** is fictitious

I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)

That puts them boys on rock, rock

And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (got, got, got)

Four, tres, two, uno

My body stay vicious

I be up in the gym just working on my fitness

He's my witness (oooh wee)

I put yo' boy on rock rock

And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

 

[Chorus]

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t tasty, tasty

 

It's so delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t (aye, aye, aye, aye)

 

[Will I Am]

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tasty

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)

 

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the, four, tres, two, uno

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, to the, to the.....

[Wyld Cannon 0]

I only wear black socks for two reasons. I'm a "businessman" and you can't wear white socks with black shoes and slacks, and because they last much longer without appearing to need washing.

 

I wear black socks on the weekends and out of work as well so there goes my business excuse.

 

I often eat sleeves of crackers for dinner instead of cooking or preparing anything.

 

I eat out of tupperware so i can just throw it in the fridge.

 

I hang out in the crapper at work playing cell phone games.

[Guest "Go, Mordecai!"]

Piggybacking from the cracker thing, it was cold as balls a few days ago. 14 out with a wind chill of like 5, 59 in my room. I didn't want to leave the building for food, so that day, I ate nothing but puffed rice. I was out of milk, so it wasn't even like having three bowls of cereal. I just intermittently grabbed handfuls of dry puffed rice from a large ziploc bag.

[Guest Princess Leena]

Yesterday, I only rode 11 miles on my exercise bike instead of my usual 25.

[Guest]

I just threw 5 pieces of bologna on my sandwich. I'm too lazy to separate it.

 

Now that I quit my job, I will have plenty of these stories.

[UZI Suicide 0]

I use my computer with my keyboard on my lap so I can lean back in my computer chair and type without needing to move forward at all.

 

I bought a mini fridge for my room because I'm too lazy to walk to the kitchen to get drinks. Often when I go shopping, I accidently put my soda's/gatorades in the fridge in the kitchen and leave them in there for a few days because I don't feel like going to get them.

[Guest "Go, Mordecai!"]

Yesterday, I only rode 11 miles on my exercise bike instead of my usual 25.

Ugh. I can't do exercise bikes. I love riding my real bike, though. I have the same problem with lifting weights: nothing is really being accomplished, nothing is being seen. I'd rather lug boxes of things up and down flights of stairs, because at least I can say I completed a task. Every time I've tried to lift weights at a gym, I just feel like I can be doing something better with my time, like reading a book or taking a walk. But back to bike: I need to conquer my laziness and get myself in shape for this bike trail I want to check out that goes from about the WI/IL state line down to the Ravinia. It's supposed to be pretty scenic.

 

For a while, I had my bedroom set up so that I could use the laptop in bed. For some reason, I found this really pathetic of me.

[Angle-plex 0]

Also, if I take a shit and I know I'll be taking a shower within a respectable amount of time, I usually don't bother wiping.

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

I've pissed, shit, threw up AND jacked off while taking a shower. I consider that multi-tasking more than laziness however.

 

Simultaneously?

 

I'm a borderline expert at picking things up with my toes. This will not solve the nature/nurture debate, however, as my dad also is. We both, however, were inspired by an armless motivational speaker (interestingly, the same one, close to 20 years apart, at different schools).

 

He's got the record at the moment with picking a Hershey's kiss from a candy dish on my grandmother's coffee table, unwrapping it and eating it with his toes. I'm calling victim of circumstance, as the fact he did it in full view of his mother-in-law might giveshim a slight nod as the better man...but Todd Hamilton, who has one major win, is not a better golfer than Sergio Garcia, who has none.

[v.2 0]

on a regular activity front, I brush my teeth in the shower, do a half ass shave job in the middle of the week in the shower (I do a good shave every Saturday) and every once in awhile I'll piss in the shower.

 

If it's in the drain, you can't complain.

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

If theres no cold canned sodas in the fridge I'll drink a warm can. Screw ice.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

Pissed in the sink because it was a few steps closer than the toilet. Done that one a few times.

[The Niggardly King 0]

I pick up a lot of things with my feet... no shame in that at all... you never know when you might need that skill later on in life.

 

I'll work out around three to four hours for three days in a row, and I'll be like, "YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! That was great, I'm going to keep doing this! No way am I stopping now!" then slowly but surely I'll drop everything in my routine except for my basic calisthenics and yoga. Then I'll quit working out for a week or two.

 

I like to, but hate to cook... I just don't like cleaning up, even if it's for something simple like a salad I'll make. I'll just rip off some shreds of lettuce, grab a tomato, and a carrot.... and that will be lunch, or even dinner.

 

Everything in my room is set up to where I don't have to get out of bed completely to turn it on. I'll throw myself half way out to get the PS2 or Cube on, sit up, and stretch up to turn on the fan... I found this pretty pathetic.

 

I also have a way of not wanting to wash clothes I've barely had on, but if there's a slight smell coming from them, they'll get hit with some air freshener and sit for a few minutes until I throw them on.

 

Oh yeah, I only drink from water bottles now... I'm too lazy to get a cup and have some ice, so I'll freeze some stuff overnight to drink, and throughout the day.

[Matt Young 0]

Damn. I can't fathom doing any of that stuff. If I'm not active and doing something at all times (well, I don't usually move around while reading or watching TV, but other than that) I feel useless and I tend to get stir crazy.

 

The only thing mentioned here that I have done, on several occasions, has been to put off finishing a paper for school til the day before. That I attribute more to procrastination than laziness.

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

My roomate wanted to go to the laundromat and to get beer earlier, and she doesn't drive.

I NEVER wear pants around the house, always track shorts or jorts. Today's pair was about three sizes too small, so I fit in them, but the zipper on them wasn't going anywhere.

 

I went into the beer store with my jorts wide open because I was too lazy to change into pants.

[Red Baron 0]

Jorts?

 

Man I am the epitome of laziness. My rug upstairs in my loft, which is a very nice rug, has absored so much stuff from pop/beer/alcohol/vomit/cat puke/semen/food stains, etc... because i usually refuse to clean it up.

 

Agree with the pissing in the shower thing, and not wiping if i'm going into the shower.

 

If I'm not going anywhere for the day, there's no point in showering.

 

Too lazy to cook some days, even if its just putting it in the microwave.

 

Rarely make the bed.

[treble 0]

I, like many, have elected to microwave items in time periods that consist of the same digit (2 minutes and 22 seconds, 44 seconds, etc) because that way I don't have to press more than two buttons: the # and "start."

Yeah, a minute and a half is 99 seconds. I even try to avoid typing in 3 digits for anything over a minute if I only have to type in 2.

I moved into this apartment about 3 months ago, but I didn't have my shit set up in my room properly until this weekend. I'd spend 2 or 3 days just putting it off and then I'd have to go back to work and it would be forgotten for another few days.

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

My rug upstairs in my loft, which is a very nice rug, has absored so much stuff from pop/beer/alcohol/vomit/cat puke/semen/food stains, etc... because i usually refuse to clean it up.

 

I've been hanging out in your loft since 2002, and this is the first I've heard about it. Meagan gets the floor next time. Bastard.

 

Jorts = Jean Shorts.

 

 

 

Does anyone here ever make their bed, ever? I can honestly say I don't.

[Red Baron 0]

I do make the bed once in a while, but its one of those rush makes when you have some company coming over. (Like actual company not just friends).

 

Currently I have a wall of pop cans beside my monitor.