Awkward moments involving roommates.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

1. Coming home from grocery shopping, finding your roommate and the girl who recently dumped him sitting on the living couch and he, red-faced and crying, and you, with an armful of groceries that at this point you'd be willing to put on the kitchen counter and go to your room until the coast is clear, but you bought a lot of items in need of refrigeration and you don't know how long they're going to be in the living room.

 

1a) You're not very close with your roommate, and sometimes you kind of don't like him, so you're left wondering how or if you should broach the subject with your roommate later. Minor relief when he brings it up first.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

2. Walking to the bathroom, your pass by your roommate's bedroom. The door is open, and without thinking about it, you happen to turn your head in that direction only to see your roommate asleep and splayed on his bed, wearing only his boxers, with his erect penis protruding from the flap.

[Scroby 0]

3. Living with a girl as your roommate and one night your out and about and she calls you to warn you to call her when your about 10 minutes away from the house because her and her boyfriend are on E and the video camera is out and in the living room.

[Jingus 0]

4. Having a dorm roommate back in college who literally watched two straight hours of Full House every day. Never made a sound, never moved, just sat like a statue watching four Full House episodes in a row.

[justsoyouknow 0]

4. You come home from work to find your roommate in your room, playing your video games, smoking your weed, wearing your clothes, with his hair done up exactly like yours using your hair products. When you ask him what the fuck he's doing, he replies that he wanted to know what it would be like to be you for a day.

[TheDevilAndGodAreRagingInsideMe 0]

4. Having a dorm roommate back in college who literally watched two straight hours of Full House every day. Never made a sound, never moved, just sat like a statue watching four Full House episodes in a row.

 

No way, I lived with this kid too. Except he went for an hour of Full House, then an hour of Family Matters, then an hour of Boy Meets World. All this after napping all morning through the afternoon and eating a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. The rest of the day he would spend on AIM in his room. It was funny because he had a huge list of AIM friends, over 300 Facebook friends, yet nobody liked him and he didn't talk to anyone, but was quick to talk down on you for no good (and unprovoked) reason. He also was a spoiled kid of rich parents but was extremely cheap.

 

I could write a book on that asshole.

[NYU 0]

6. He goes out. Gets drunk. Comes back. Lays in bed sobbing that he wants to kill himself and there's nothing you can do to stop him. You try ignoring him by turning up the volume on the television but unfortunately, he raises his voice too just to fully establish the point you can't stop him, even if you wanted to.

[Nighthawk 0]

I'd watch two hours of Full House a day... until the dvds came out, then I'd just constantly loop it while I was doing whatever else I wanted to do. Didn't sit like a statue, though.

 

I have no stories, unless you count getting drunk and passing out on the living room floor (these aren't college roommates either, these are adult roommates). I don't much care for the place I live, but one thing I do appreciate is that my roommates and I absolutely do not give a fuck what each other do. Pay the rent on time, don't break down the door of each other's rooms, and we're good. Everything else is fair game.

[Bruiser_Brody_ 0]

I'm playing Super Nintendo. He enters the living room. I turn to talk to him. He's beating off "to prep for his girlfriend".

[theintensifier 0]

4. You come home from work to find your roommate in your room, playing your video games, smoking your weed, wearing your clothes, with his hair done up exactly like yours using your hair products. When you ask him what the fuck he's doing, he replies that he wanted to know what it would be like to be you for a day.

OMG. Haha.

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

7. While wearing headphones, I was taking a shit. After a couple minutes, I smelled smoke. Glanced over to the shower to see my neighbor, Brian, obviously on a lot of acid, sitting in the tub and laughing hysterically while watching me take a dump.

[Dobbs 3K 0]

8. Roommate comes back into room around midnight with his girlfriend (you're trying to go to bed early as you have to be on the road early to have three wisdom teeth pulled the next day). Girlfriend leaves, roommate proceeds to puke all over the floor. Smells like raspberry. Roommate proceeds to try and climb up to his bunk, falls sideways into the window, glass shatters everywhere. Roommate is in such a stupor that he finishes climbing up to his bunk and passes out. Of course, then he won't wake up for anything. You finally find an RA to take care of the problem (roommate had also taken out a toilet in the hall bathroom), and you finally pass out in the hall lounge. You get about three hours of sleep total before you have to head to the dentist. When you go back to your room before leaving, janitor is there and asks "Did you do this?" Yep, good times.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

9. Your roommate is paunchy, has hairy back and shoulders. You don't begrudge him this, and you don't even complain that he often walks around the house clad only in boxers. However, he walks into the living room in this state while you have over a girl you're trying to get with.

 

9a) You tell him that he should put on some clothes whenever there's company, to which he apologizes and complies. Or so you thought, as all he does is put on pants, still exposing his furry, sagging torso to everyone. Having to tell him to put on a shirt without offending him, for as oblivous he may seem, he's very self-conscious about his appearance.

[Copper Feel 0]

10. Housemate suffers from anxiety, and takes some kind of liquid to lessen his nervousness. One day, the night staff at your boarding school decide to take it away from him, for reasons you do not quite gather. He then precedes to spend a good forty minutes crying his eyes out whilst complaning about how unfair it all is and how he's going to fail all of his upcoming examinations. He also hugs you repeatedly, clinging to your flesh as if his life depended upon it.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

11. Roommate gets drunk, decides to take walk to the bathroom past my room wearing nothing.

[luke-o 0]

12. Your taking a shit while you think no ones in the house, so you leave the door open and read some comics. Only your housemate walks in and you stare at each other in a moment of stillness, not sure what to do.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

13. Roommate is fully aware you're home, leaves door open anyway while taking a shit. You have to explain that yes, it's okay (sometimes) to leave the door open while peeing, but bowel movements do not fall under the same criteria. You wonder why your roommate thought otherwise, but you realize you don't want to know the answer.

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

14. Your roommate is in the shower. You step into his room to retrieve something he borrowed. You look at his computer and notice he has roughly 40 windows open, all of which containing pornographic pictures. After his shower, you lightheartedly rib your roommate about his wank set-up, to which he curtly replies "so?" This is when you first notice he becomes cold and distant anytime you mention any of his peculiarities in a derisive manner, no matter how good-naturedly. See also the time you went grocery shopping with him, and you poked fun at the almost obsessive way he would stare and calculate which box of garbage bags is the best deal re: price vs. quantity. He mutters "maybe you shouldn't shop with me anymore."

[Edwin MacPhisto 0]

15. Roommate undertakes a massive project to construct a cheesy canvas screen for an HD movie projector, along with a sizable wooden shelving unit to hold the projector. Although this setup is designed for his bedroom, he spends consecutive weekends using bandsaws, drills, and hammers to construct it in the living room. When, on the first Sunday morning of this project, you emerge from your room at 9 am wondering what's going on, he asks "Oh, sorry. Is this bothering you?" You respond, "actually, yeah," kind of look at each other for a while, and then he sheepishly resumes sawing.

 

16. Roommate and roommate's chubby girlfriend undertake a sushi-making project, and decide to leave a bottle of rice wine vinegar lying sideways on top of some cans and boxes in the pantry. You discover this when, at 1 in the morning, you open the pantry to get some tea and sugar, and the bottle of vinegar immediately rolls out (as round things are known to do) and breaks on the tile floor, sending shards of glass into your hand and foot. You spend the next 20 minutes mopping up vinegar, glass, and small rivulets of blood.

 

The next night, roommate and chubbette come home from her place to make sushi. When they can't find the vinegar, you tell them what happened and show them your bandaged hand. An awkward silence of about 15 seconds commences. They buy a new bottle, store it the same way, and you catch it this time, a few days later. You then throw the bottle of vinegar off your balcony.

[Black Lushus 0]

Inc, in your cases, is this the same roommate or are these stories from various roommates over the years?

[Giuseppe Zangara 0]

17. Your roommate just doesn't know how to act around girls. He's affable enough, but, eventually, if you have a group of friends over, he will say something terrible to someone, and the someone is almost always female. For example, a few of you begin discussing sex. At one point, your roommate asks a girl who had not been participating in the conversation if she masturbates. It's clear to anyone who witnesses this that the girl is immediately uncomfortable and so your roommate, totally unaware of this, after being told "no," presses on about why she should and he's known women who really like doing it and man, you'd be a fool not to. See also that one time when, for a miraculous stretch of months, your roommate had a girlfriend. It was early in the relationship and you, your roommate and your roommate's gf are having a conversation in the living room. The gf asks about the ex you had over the night before and occasionally still sleep with. The mention of which somehow encourages your roommate to go into detail about the sex he and his girlfriend had last night, specifically how it ended with him shooting off on her tits. He says both "shooting off" and "tits." The girlfriend is momentarily too embarrassed to speak, so it's up to you to yell at him for his transgression, because, really, you didn't care so much about her feelings as you were horrified to hear an explicit recounting of the sex those two had.

[Dandy 0]

17. You try to wake up your friend and roommate, as both of you should be leaving for work at the bar in about 20 minutes. Your roommate naps every evening before work because he works his full-time job starting at 5:30 AM. You start by opening his door and saying his name. No response. You get louder. No response. You move closer to the bed and say his name. No response. You lightly shake him with your hand while saying his name. No response. You repeat his name approximately 20 times while shaking him harder and harder. No response. Finally, you yell, "TOM!" He jumps up in a crazed rage and rips your wifebeater off of you as he falls in the floor (somehow still asleep) and his nuts fall out the flap of his boxers. He wakes up five minutes later and didn't know any of that had happened.

 

It wasn't really awkward, and not much at all has been with any of my roommates over the years. All of my roommates have been really close friends, and we thought things were more funny than awkward.

[Gary Floyd 0]

18.) It's 6 in the morning. Your roomate wakes you up, completely naked, and asks you if you think his dick's small.

 

Also, this thread is great.

[Copper Feel 0]

19. Your roommate insists on sleeping with the light on. You yourself not only cannot recall a time when you did this, you also find it to be an insanely hard condition to sleep under. One day, you decide to buy him a night light. Something that shall at least allow you to get some shut eye, whilst at the same time enabling him to see what's directly around him. Instead your roommate loudly complains about not having his precious lightbulb vision, and ends up bursting into yet another crying session.

[Gary Floyd 0]

20.) Your roomate, no matter how many times you ask, won't close the door or flush after taking a massive shit.

[Nighthawk 0]

19. Your roommate insists on sleeping with the light on. You yourself not only cannot recall a time when you did this, you also find it to be an insanely hard condition to sleep under. One day, you decide to buy him a night light. Something that shall atleast allow you to get some shut eye, whilst at the same time enabling him to see what's directly around him. Instead your roommate loudly complains about not having his precious lightbulb vision, and ends up bursting into yet another crying session.

 

This was boarding school? I'm curious, how much homosexual experimentation went on there? My guess would be: a lot.

[Copper Feel 0]

I never knew of any outright homosexual experimentation, although I'm sure that it did exist. The place certainly did have some understated homosexual overtones though. Most of the guys there became more 'open about their problems' (myself included), I suppose in the way that men usually are around females. The rather 'in the closet' habit of refering to everybody you didn't like as a homosexual was pretty frequent there as well.

[Nighthawk 0]

Which reminds me, I do have a roommate story, if you count as roommates my cellmates when I was in juvenile detention. In juvie, there wasn't as much explicit gayness like in regular prison, but everybody did like to jerk off now and again. So...

 

21) One guy would wait until everyone was asleep and then beat off. But the smell of his semen was so strong, it would literally wake you up. Waking up to the smell of cum... I didn't have the heart to say anything him.

[PILLS! PILLS! PILLS! 0]

22) You tried to make rice using your female roommate's pan. More to the point, you burnt the shit out of it and black rice is stuck to the bottom. Instead of leaving a note, you wait until she gets home to approach her and offer to pay. She comes home and beats you to the punch, very pushy and condescending, demanding that you pay for the item in a surly manner. Sure, you fucked her sister a bunch of times, but isn't she the one who broke up with you? Why is this bitch tripping, anyway?

[King Kamala 0]

23. Worst thing my one roommate (Who I roomed with for approximately six weeks before getting the hell out of there) did was listen to a lot of Mindless Self Indulgance really loudly and sometimes, he'd wake up at 4 A.M. or 5 A.M., do tae-chi in his underwear. Oh and he rarely wore a shirt.

 

You people are a lot more tolerant than I am.