Idea for a new Fed... Shock Wrestling

[Damien 0]

Ok, maybe a wrestling Fed like this already exists, but I'm wondering if there is an adults-only wrestling federation out there. If not, then there should be and if I had the $$$, I would start the MFWF, the Mother F'n Wrestling Federation.

 

You would have to be at least 18 to see a live show and because of censorship, the shows can only be broadcast on PPV. This would be shock wrestling. Wrestling with a primary purpose of shocking the viewer and containing scenes and themes never before scene in the wrestling world. All vulgar language would be permissable. Here are some gimmicks that can be used:

 

A Satanists stable and a Christians stable that would feud against each other.

 

A crucifixion match, where the object if to strap your opponent onto a crucifix (similar to what Taker did to SCSA)

 

Evening gown matches would require the girl to strip her opponent down to full nudity.

 

A Ku Klux Klan stable that would feud against, obviously, a stable of black wrestlers.

 

Actual sex in the ring, to be used as filler in between matches (like Bishoff's HLA, except taken all the way). Actual sex backstage as part of ongoing angles (like the Test-Stacy Kiebler scene, except they go all the way).

 

A penetration match, where the object would be to stuff a giant dildo into a giant vagina that stood situated on one of the top turnbuckles (it'd be hilarious).

 

Statues of Jesus/other religous figures on a pole matches, where the wrestler can use the religous statuette as a weapon.

 

A drugs match, where various illegal drugs would be available to be used as weapons (stab your opponent with needle or hit him with bags full of weed or cocaine) Book the wrestlers to hesitate while they decide if they should use the drugs as weapons or use the drugs. Of course, it'd all be fake white powder and fake grassy substances, after all, this is wrestling.

 

A stuff-a-sheet-of-acid-into-your-opponent's-mouth match. Post-match sketches involving the loser of said match would be pretty funny.

 

A toilet in the ring match, where there is a toilet in the ring and the object is to push your opponents face in the toilet bowl that is filled with excrement and urine (kayfabe of course for health reasons) similiar to British Bulldog and dog doo match.

 

Wrestlers named The Insane Maniac, The Deranged Lunatic, The Pervert, The Klansman, The Satanist.

 

A sex match, where a porn star is in the ring, fully naked, during the match and the winner is the first wrestler who can actually penetrate her first.

 

A Sick Freak match, where a poster of a dirty old man who stares at kids is on a table which leans against the turnbuckles and the object is to throw your opponent through the poster/table. more WTF comedy.

 

A dead wrestler match, where the Mr. McMahon type owner would force a wrestler to have to "fight" against a deceased wrestler- a coffin containing Brian Adams or Mr. Perfect or Rick Rude (kayfabe) etc. The wrestler would cut a promo saying "wtf is this", then there'd be a run-in that would allow the coffin to get the pinfall victory. It'd be good, dark comedy.

 

An ice-pick-in-the-eye match. A sledgehammer-to-the-groin match.

 

A Big Gay Al match, where a proud homosexual stands in the corner of the ring and can kiss and fondle a wrestler who gets thrown into said corner during the match.

 

A bucket-full-of-menstrual-blood-match, where the wrestler wins by pouring said bucket over opponent.

 

 

 

If anyone can think of anymore shock wrestling gimmicks, lets hear em.

 

[King Kamala 0]

Welcome to the board, Rob Black

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Awesome. Obviously a troll but I'd like to see where this goes for a few posts before I drop the hammer.

[Guest blame that goot.]

I like where you're going with this. How about sexfighting? Or was that listed?

 

I'm moving this, appropriately, to No Holds Barred, where ANYTHING GOES, so that this can reach the audience it deserves.

[Nighthawk 0]

Hey guys, what's up? I want to join the fed. I'm currently trying to get in shape. I'm already watching my figure... for my new booooyfriend.

[Guest blame that goot.]

Damien, I think you have some bang-up ideas here, I really do. Y'know how on 30 Rock last night, Tracy was trying to combine video games with porn? Well, this is the same thing. I like the idea of wrestling matches that devolve into hardcore fucking. I hope you can find some start-up capital for this, and I'm only like 5% kidding. This might be the shot in the arm that the industry needs.

[BUTT 0]

Damien, have you ever heard of J.R. Benson's Extremely (and/or Incredibly) Strange Wrestling promotion? That group had characters like "The Abortionist", "The Rapist", and "The Great NAMBLA". They also had a "Tub of AIDS-Infected Syringes" match. You aren't the first person to have such ideas. But I still like the way you think.

[The Niggardly King 0]

There should be a guy called The Masked Faggot, and after every match rapes his opponent, if female, he pulls down their skirt & stuff, but then he's like nope and then teabags the ref.

[Nighthawk 0]

My character is "The Bug Chaser". The gimmick is that my goal is to get my opponent aroused, and then my finisher is to slam my asshole onto his cock and if he squirts, it's the 123, but if not, I pull him up as mockery like they used to do, and then do it again.

[Guest blame that goot.]

I'd like to see a match where it ends in submission but the submission hold is someone (male or female) pissing in the other person's mouth. "Couldn't the person just close his or her mouth?" Couldn't you just reverse a figure-4 into a sharpshooter? Suspension of disbelief is key in wrestling, shock or otherwise.

[Jingus 0]

Damien, have you ever heard of J.R. Benson's Extremely (and/or Incredibly) Strange Wrestling promotion? That group had characters like "The Abortionist", "The Rapist", and "The Great NAMBLA". They also had a "Tub of AIDS-Infected Syringes" match. You aren't the first person to have such ideas. But I still like the way you think.

I was about to say, the weird thing is that someone, somewhere has done at least half these ideas already. For example, XPW wanted to do the "Strip to full nudity" match with a couple of their porn stars, but apparently the law doesn't allow that sort of thing at a wrestling show.

 

That being said, if anyone could actually do this shit, I'd watch it. Maybe only once, and feel incredibly dirty afterwards. But I'd still watch.

[BUTT 0]

I know the KKK stable idea has been done.

[The Niggardly King 0]

I also think there should be the No Homo stable, whenever you say something with mad faggottry behind it, they come out, hit you with the *PAUSE* and then Superman there way out the building.

 

 

[BUTT 0]

A Big Gay Al match, where a proud homosexual stands in the corner of the ring and can kiss and fondle a wrestler who gets thrown into said corner during the match.

Oh and I like this idea, except it should be modified into a GAY LUMBERJACK MATCH.

[Nighthawk 0]

I'd like to see a match where it ends in submission but the submission hold is someone (male or female) pissing in the other person's mouth. "Couldn't the person just close his or her mouth?" Couldn't you just reverse a figure-4 into a sharpshooter? Suspension of disbelief is key in wrestling, shock or otherwise.

 

See, but like, what if they kick out, then the only place to go is poo poo city.

 

And that is where we will go, and our feds version of Wrestlemania, HardcoreTripleXXXaMania.

 

It will be like the burning hammer, but after they get dropped, the guy drops his trunks and he grunts and strains, and the crowd is like "Oh my god, no he's not gonna!" and then... POO! like right in the mouth and *tap tap tap*, it will be when like father of the year Chris Benoit made HHH tap to his Shitler crossface.

[Jingus 0]

I'd like to see a match where it ends in submission but the submission hold is someone (male or female) pissing in the other person's mouth. "Couldn't the person just close his or her mouth?" Couldn't you just reverse a figure-4 into a sharpshooter? Suspension of disbelief is key in wrestling, shock or otherwise.

I actually did something vaguely along those lines once. I was an intergender tag match where it was three girls, and me. Don't ask. But anyway: one of the heels (oh yeah, two 120 pound heel girls put the heat on a 210 pound babyface guy, I am tough like an anvil) had a long-running thing where she'd give me the old Chyna uppercut to the nuts just about every week. This time however, I'd outfoxed her, as I had on a cup. I yanked it out of my pants (the cup, that is) and gas masked her with it for the tap-out. The worst part about it: I almost couldn't get the damn thing out, and stood there for like half a minute groping around my groin, apparently just playing pocket pool as far as the fans could tell.

[The Niggardly King 0]

#1 heel could be The Kiddie Fucker, and he molests young looking midgets

[Guest blame that goot.]

#1 heel could be The Kiddie Fucker, and he molests young looking midgets

"Answer me these questions three. Question 1: will I diddle you? Questions 2 and 3: refer to Question 1."

[Nighthawk 0]

Owner of the company is Balls McHeelfacey FaggotSuckCumster, and his catchphrase is "Screw you... no wait a minute, that's all... screw you." And then he screws you.

[The Niggardly King 0]

top black face is named Kris Krazy Klark, and he deals with the internal conflict of his initials being KKK... the KKK stable goes to recruit him as they heard much about him, but they don't no much else... then a big battle over the right to the letters.

 

Iron Sheik and Michael Hayes on commentary

[Jingus 0]

Darwin feuds with Jesus. Darwin uses scientific wrestling to get ahead, but Jesus's celestial fortitude allows him to come back from even the worst asskickings.

 

Have a pro-smoking heel who tosses out packs of cigarettes to all the kids in the crowd. "You're never too young to start!"

 

Two guys have an I Quit match. The first one comes out in his gear, ready to fight. The second one comes out in street clothes, with a trenchcoat. 2nd Guy pulls out a shotgun, and is all like "QUIT NOW, BITCH". First guy quits. And pisses himself. (Cue run-in from Piss Submission Guy, angry over gimmick infringement.)

 

Oh and I like this idea, except it should be modified into a GAY LUMBERJACK MATCH.

Now THAT'S funny.

[The Niggardly King 0]

Big stable of endless Mexicans... you think you've just defeated one, three drop from the ceiling, take care of them, two more out from the crowd, beat them off... and 8 come out from under the ring... Michael Hayes can then say, "Fight one bean, Fight the whole BURRITO!" while Sheik takes a hit from his crack pipe.

[Guest blame that goot.]

Big stable of endless Mexicans... you think you've just defeated one, three drop from the ceiling

This happens in Final Fantasy III but with little robot cameras that hang from the ceilings instead of Mexicans. Or maybe slime.

 

take care of them, two more out from the crowd, beat them off...

Orgasm gauntlet match. You have to run the gauntlet on them, or they on you.

[Jingus 0]

This is becoming less wrestling-themed and more like Phallus Factor.

 

 

...hey, does any premium cable network do X-rated gameshows? And if not, why not?

[Ted the Poster 0]

The top heel stable is a Hart-esque wrestling family called The Fergusons. Their signature heel tactics are strangling the other guy with a choke chain behing the ref's back and leg humping the ref to cause a distraction. When one of them wins the whole family puts the loser in an emu suit and the winner sticks his dick in the fake beak, pumping to completion.

[Maztinho 0]

Being an E-fed nerd, I've seen damn near all of these written up before.

 

Kiddie Diddler? Seen it.

Urinate or Defecate for a submission win? Seen it.

Bag of Coke on a Pole Match? Seen it.

Gay King Kong Bundy Rip off? Seen it.

[Jingus 0]

We're talking about actually doing this shit live. (In theory.) Not e-fedding. If it just happened in someone's internet writeup, it doesn't count. E-fedding is a step below backyard wrestling.

[Maztinho 0]

Yeah, but it's not going to happen so basically it is e-fedding.

[Guest blame that goot.]

I'm fascinated by this:

apparently the law doesn't allow that sort of thing at a wrestling show.

What sort of pro wrestling-specific legislation is out there? I know Maryland has its athletic commission regulate pro wrestling, which is gay, but what else?

 

The solution is to do what WCW did with Worldwide and Sunday Pro. Just fill a really small studio with enough extras to fill a tight shot and tape it. I'm thinking like ten rows of risers on two sides of the ring with an entrance/stage on one side and the proverbial fourth wall on the remaining side. You need enough open space to do the really fun stuff, anyway.

 

Haha, "enough extras to fill a tight shot." There's another direction to go.

[Maztinho 0]

Since most of any XPW stuff I saw was being run out of a high school gym there's likely some clause to use a public school against full on nudity, excessive blood, swearing, and having to look at Rob Black are okay, just no live Beaver.