The Simpsons Character Draft

[TheFranchise 0]

Dateline: Springfield. The elusive beer baron continues to thumb his nose at the authorities. Swaggering about in a garish new hat, he seemed to say, "Look at me, Rex Banner! I have a new hat!"

[Burning Pirate Ship Sex 0]

This guy is my all time favorite one shot character. His stern, no-nonsense approach (dude can't even laugh) while doing his job is unheralded.

 

"Listen, rummy, I'm going to say it plain and simple. Where'd you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?"

 

There we go.

[Jaxxson Mayhem 0]

 

 

Fat Tony

 

 

Fat Tony: [bart, Lisa, and others are waiting for their car pool. Fat Tony drives up to them] We are going for a ride!

group of kids: [gasp]

Fat Tony: And by that I mean the carpool!

group of kids: [relax]

Fat Tony: Now who's ready to sleep with da fishes?

[children gasp]

Fat Tony: ...because I brought this Finding Nemo comforter!

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

"Where are the monies? When will you get the monies? Why aren't you getting the monies now? and so forth..."

[Mecha Mummy 0]

Question: How many people are going "ah shit!" or something similar after someone is picked? I've done it almost every time.

 

I have now. Dammit dammit dammit, Fat Tony was my next pick. Good one, Cowboy.

 

[Boner Kawanger 0]

"Where are the monies? When will you get the monies? Why aren't you getting the monies now? and so forth..."

"You have 24 hours to give us the money. And to show you we are serious, you have 12 hours"

 

This should be the rule in the OP.

[Burning Pirate Ship Sex 0]

Wiggum: Sorry, no dumping in the lake.

 

Tony: Fine. I will put my "yard trimmings" in a car compactor.

[Prophet of Mike Zagurski 0]

Everyone loves Ned Flanders except for Homer.

 

Nedward Flanders is my next pick.

[JJ Johnson 0]

Wiggum: Sorry, no dumping in the lake.

 

Tony: Fine. I will put my "yard trimmings" in a car compactor.

 

Lou: Hey, Chief, I think there was a body in that bag.

 

Wiggum: You know, I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. Ya gotta learn to listen, Lou.

[Mecha Mummy 0]

Nedward Flanders is my next pick.

 

... and there goes my second-string pick too. I expected Ned to go, though, I'm almost surprised he wasn't picked in the first round.

[Aero 0]

Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby

 

Flames added electronically by Channel 6

 

If you were running for Mayor, he'd vote for you.

 

"I propose that I use what's, uh, left of the town treasury to move to a more prosperous town and run for mayor. And, uh, once elected, I will send for the rest of you."

 

 

 

 

[Brett Favre 0]

 

“All right, settle down, people. We are all upset by Mr. Burns’ plan to block out our sun. It is time for decisive action! I have here a polite but firm letter to Mr. Burns’ underlings who, with some cajoling, will pass it along to him or at least give him the gist of it.”

[Mecha Mummy 0]

... and my third string pick. Ow.

[TheFranchise 0]

Interesting, my original first pick is still on the board, before I decided to go to with Lisa.

[EVIL~! alkeiper 0]

My next pick is...

 

Duffman!

 

 

"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!"

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

Duffman can never die - only the actors who portray him!

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

My next pick is...

 

Duffman!

 

FUCK!

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

With Duffman off the board, my prelim list is down to one regular, with four or five one-shots and/or celebs. As mentioned, I'll be out most of today (check the top of the board), so I'll have some more time to come up with a better list. For those wondering what I'm doing, it involves a lot of driving. My car's gas mileage? "One highway, zero city!"

 

 

Ranier Wolfcastle.

[Cuban Linx 0]

My mighty heart is breaking. At this rate i'll have to dig into the obscure characters a lot sooner than i thought.

[TheFranchise 0]

Interesting, my original first pick is still on the board, before I decided to go to with Lisa.

YnA.. do NOT take this one person i'm thinking of.

[Youth N Asia 0]

 

Groundskeeper Willie

 

Nearly my first round pick, love Willie

 

"If elected mayor my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn your town to cinders!"

[TheFranchise 0]

Comic Book Guy

 

 

"Stop right there! I have the only working fazer ever built. It was fired only once to keep William Shatner from making another album"

 

 

[Boner Kawanger 0]

Seeing as how I was #7 in round one and #11 in round two (7/11 is my birthday coincidentally enough), the many arms of Vishnu are obviously pointing me towards Apu Nahaasa..de Beaumarchais! And while it is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my gods, I'm doing it.

[TheFranchise 0]

Hurray for an Apu de Beaumarchais reference!

[JJ Johnson 0]

You took Apu! Ay ay ay, no me gusta!

 

 

... wait. Inspiration strikes.

 

 

Bumblebee Man!

[Burning Pirate Ship Sex 0]

Willie

 

"I'm a maaaniac, maaaaaaaaniac, that's for suuuuuuuure! And I'm dancin' like I've never, dance befuuuuurrrrr!"

[Boner Kawanger 0]

Everyone loves Ned Flanders except for Homer.

Knock it off, you two! It's time for church!

 

We're not going to church today!

 

WHAT?! You give me one good reason!

 

It's Saturday!!!

 

Haaa okily-dodily-doo!

 

Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders.

[Burning Pirate Ship Sex 0]

 

"Ah! There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased-up Scotsman!"

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

I knew I wouldn't have a chance at Willy when it came my way again.

 

"Now fasten your funny bone for Groundskeeper - oh, or should I say GRINSKEEPER *reads card* No, Groundskeeper was correct... Willy!

 

Willie: [playing bagpipe walks on stage as Skinner leaves]

How many of you hail from the fair city of Edinburgh?

[dead silence from hall]

So, have you noticed how North Edinburgh golfers putt like

this [putts stiffly] and South Edinburgh golfers putt like

this? [putts with knees bent]

Eh? [bagpipe deflates] Eh? Oh, I see -- Willie's not funny

unless he's down on his knees, scooping up your little brats'

puke!

[audience laughs] Thank you, you've been great!

 

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

Now that they're both off the board:

 

"I'm sorry, did you just call me a liar?"

"No, I said you were fired!"

"Oh. That's much worse."