Impact spoilers for Feb. 26 and March 5, 2009

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

I will say this about Impact: I did catch about 30 seconds of it during a commercial break of the Office rerun I was watching, and it was a close-up ass shot of Velvet Sky as she was bending over to get in the ring. I wished we had Spike HD here at that moment and I suspect that was the highlight of Impact.

[keith6601 0]

Basically the Main Event Mafia beat Joe down and treated him like a jobber, so he took some time off to sell that. He came back with an ultra jobberific face paint gimmick and mostly threatened the MEM in pretaped interviews. Now's stalking Steiner and trying to kill him with either weightlifting equipment or with a knife. Are we supposed to want him to get revenge on Steiner? Dude, it was a typical heel beatdown, hardly worth killing someone and going to jail over.

I find it odd in kayfabe its Steiner he's going after. Nash is the one who betrayed him, his issues with Angle are well known, Sting took his title, hell even Booker he feuded with a while about six months ago and has a championship to take. Yet its Scott he's going crazy over.

 

It's a stable. He's starting at the bottom and working his way through them to the people he really wants. Only problem is he's this insane at the bottom then down the road it'll be treated as a regular match for revenge against Angle, Nash or Sting.

[Angle-plex 0]

I hope Joe literally murders Steiner. How awesome would that be.

[cabbageboy 0]

TNA has the worst booked faces in recent memory. Joe elicits zero sympathy from the viewer and if anything after his recent douchebag actions I'd rather see Steiner kick his ass. Styles attacked Booker in his room and stole his bogus belt...why does he hate Booker so bad? Why does he want his fraud belt so bad?

 

That said, I did prefer this show to Raw. At least TNA is so bad and goofy it makes me laugh.

[The Ghost of bps21 0]

For as bad as it read on paper...and as stupid as it is in practice... Don West totally nailed his role in that segment. Best thing he's done since... It's the best thing he's done.

[The Buzz 0]

Better than standing on the table and shouting to the heavens "GO RED GO"(Or was it AJ?) lol. I used to like Don West's hard sell at the end of the weekly ppvs.

[luke-o 0]

No it was "GO RED GO". And that was awsome >_>

 

I just watched some of the replay clips on TNA's website and legit LOL'd at the "Fallen Angel" chants during Suicides run-in. I also laughed at the obvious piped in cheers from the crowd.

[The Ghost of bps21 0]

So they need to get rid of the Suicide gimmick. Let him win the X title, and then unmask as Daniels...and since he's a champion he can't be thrown out again. It's mindblowing that they still haven't brought Daniels back as himself at this point. Even if it means they're actually trying to stick to a stipulation.

[DarKnight 0]

Basically the Main Event Mafia beat Joe down and treated him like a jobber, so he took some time off to sell that. He came back with an ultra jobberific face paint gimmick and mostly threatened the MEM in pretaped interviews. Now's stalking Steiner and trying to kill him with either weightlifting equipment or with a knife. Are we supposed to want him to get revenge on Steiner? Dude, it was a typical heel beatdown, hardly worth killing someone and going to jail over.

I find it odd in kayfabe its Steiner he's going after. Nash is the one who betrayed him, his issues with Angle are well known, Sting took his title, hell even Booker he feuded with a while about six months ago and has a championship to take. Yet its Scott he's going crazy over.

 

Yeah, I was really confused about why Joe hates Steiner so much. Nash was Joe's last real feud back in November or so, but yet, since his comeback, he's only went after Steiner. It makes no sense. Come to think of it, Joe has to be the most buried guy ever to have won a world title. The dude was TNA's top babyface last year and was the champion, to months later being a guy who's treated like an afterthought on the show, and only shows up for like 1 minute, and is never mentioned on the show again, and doesn't wrestle either. I can't ever think of a world champion who has fallen so far besides him.

 

[Hunter's Torn Quad 0]

For as bad as it read on paper...and as stupid as it is in practice... Don West totally nailed his role in that segment. Best thing he's done since... It's the best thing he's done.

The best part is that West turned on Tenay for not standing up for him when TNA management discussed his future but then promptly walked out on the broadcast and never returned. Apparently, West wanted to show Tenay how wrong he was to not stand up for him by being unprofessional.

 

Less than 20 minutes of wrestling on a two-hour show and a near one-hour gap between matches. Boy, that's some non-stop action from Total Non-stop Action.

[King Cucaracha 0]

For as bad as it read on paper...and as stupid as it is in practice... Don West totally nailed his role in that segment. Best thing he's done since... It's the best thing he's done.

The best part is that West turned on Tenay for not standing up for him when TNA management discussed his future but then promptly walked out on the broadcast and never returned. Apparently, West wanted to show Tenay how wrong he was to not stand up for him by being unprofessional.

 

By that time, he'd been sat with Tenay for however long and he'd just had enough and finally snapped. People aren't usually that rational when they're angry. Or the meeting had taken place anyway so he figured 'to hell with it'.

 

[/vaguely reasonable explanation]

 

 

This is obviously a rhetorical question... why would anyone cheer for Joe over Steiner? Joe goes around holding knifes to people's throats, Steiner cuts entertaining promos and throws out insane stuff like "oh yeah, I would have helped Booker T but I was taking a dump".

 

EDIT: Also, could Tenay have sounded any less dramatic during the end of the Ladder Match? Holy crap.

[cabbageboy 0]

Well it's weird because on a personal level Steiner has done nothing to Joe to warrant such action. Sure, he's cut hilarious promos all over him and called him a fat bastard, etc. But that's about all. And really Nash hasn't done THAT much to Joe either, mainly just put up with Joe being an asshole for nearly a year before turning on him over Joe putting down his best friend. Watching these shows I thought "Dude, they gave you a typical heel beatdown. It's not like they beat up your in laws and attacked your wife."

 

It's like Russo desperately wants to recreate Steve Austin with guys like Joe and Styles, but neither man makes sense in that type of role. Austin might have broke into Pillman's house but it was Pillman that had the actual gun, and in the end did that goofy crap get Austin over? Not exactly. Throwing a dozen guys out at the Rumble got him over. Passing out due to blood loss but not tapping out got him over. Having his neck broken and coming back for more got him over.

[The Buzz 0]

They should have just stuck to having Joe cut those on screen promos, show up and take out a mafia member each month, leading to some type of showdown with either Sting or Angle at Bound For Glory. Would have returned some credibility to his badass character. Although I don't totally agree with what Hall was saying on a few of his shoot interviews about hatred and death threats being used in-character on camera. This stuff proves his point big time about threatening someones life being cheesy in wrestling. Careers are one thing, but I'm going to kill you? To be fair, I think some of Angle's promos have had their cheesy moments as well lately.

[CubbyBr 0]

Well it's weird because on a personal level Steiner has done nothing to Joe to warrant such action. Sure, he's cut hilarious promos all over him and called him a fat bastard, etc. But that's about all. And really Nash hasn't done THAT much to Joe either, mainly just put up with Joe being an asshole for nearly a year before turning on him over Joe putting down his best friend. Watching these shows I thought "Dude, they gave you a typical heel beatdown. It's not like they beat up your in laws and attacked your wife."

 

It's like Russo desperately wants to recreate Steve Austin with guys like Joe and Styles, but neither man makes sense in that type of role. Austin might have broke into Pillman's house but it was Pillman that had the actual gun, and in the end did that goofy crap get Austin over? Not exactly. Throwing a dozen guys out at the Rumble got him over. Passing out due to blood loss but not tapping out got him over. Having his neck broken and coming back for more got him over.

 

You really have a hard on for Russo, don't you?

[BruteSquad_BRODY 0]

Don West's heeldom has been annoying so far

[Hunter's Torn Quad 0]

Well it's weird because on a personal level Steiner has done nothing to Joe to warrant such action. Sure, he's cut hilarious promos all over him and called him a fat bastard, etc. But that's about all. And really Nash hasn't done THAT much to Joe either, mainly just put up with Joe being an asshole for nearly a year before turning on him over Joe putting down his best friend. Watching these shows I thought "Dude, they gave you a typical heel beatdown. It's not like they beat up your in laws and attacked your wife."

 

It's like Russo desperately wants to recreate Steve Austin with guys like Joe and Styles, but neither man makes sense in that type of role. Austin might have broke into Pillman's house but it was Pillman that had the actual gun, and in the end did that goofy crap get Austin over? Not exactly. Throwing a dozen guys out at the Rumble got him over. Passing out due to blood loss but not tapping out got him over. Having his neck broken and coming back for more got him over.

 

You really have a hard on for Russo, don't you?

It's as if he's under the impression that Russo has a major hand in writing the show and has shown a tendency to try and recreate the Attitude Era over and over and over again.

[Downhome 0]

This company is so fucking weird.

 

I'm starting to go from hating almost everything about TNA, to loving it in the same way I loved WCW in its dying days.

 

I like how they can't just have the guys keep their suits and just have to have Angle beat them up to take it back for no good reason other than to make the MEM look that much more dominant over the Frontline once again.

 

I wish I had never been told that "The Governor" is Daphne.

[MillenniumMan831 0]

I thought that was a joke.

[Jingus 0]

In the spirit of our departed brother Truthiness, I took in Impact tonight. I will not burden you with my many, many complaints about this horrible show; let us consider only one. If anyone can somehow explain to me how the entire Booker-AJ-Steiner-Joe segment wasn't the stupidest fucking thing ever aired on any wrestling show ever, I would love to hear it. Please make it good. Don't force me to reply with "Joe tried to cut Steiner's head off with a machete", copied and pasted a hundred times.

[cabbageboy 0]

I was going to post that the whole medley of Booker/Styles/Steiner/Joe/West/Tenay/Angle was the weirdest, funniest shit I've seen in forever on a wrestling show. Jingus, you are of course correct in trashing it but why is it I enjoyed that 20 minutes or so for how bad it was? Let us take inventory:

 

--Booker cut a reasonable promo simply wanting his belt back. Later we're told Cornette is forcing Booker to face Styles for the belt even though it is NOT a legit belt and in theory the TNA office should have no say.

 

--Styles once again sneak attacks Booker (and Steiner), but now is arrested by the Riot Gear goofs (did Booker borrow them from Heyman?).

 

--Of course being an angle of this sort, one of the gear guys is Samoa Joe in disguise...he takes off the helmet and attacks Steiner yet again, revealing his 100% jobberific face paint. And he pulls a Samoan tribal knife on Steiner, threatening to kill him on national TV. At this point I don't mind saying I was almost falling on the floor from laughing.

 

--Joe seems like the only guy in wrestling that gets buried by beating someone else down. That's hard to do.

 

--So we go to commercial and come back to find Tenay defending Joe for his wildy illegal actions, with West flipping out and walking away. Bear in mind we're supposed to think TENAY is the face in this angle, regardless of him defending a guy for pulling a knife on someone. West is of course completely right about this.

 

--Then just for the hell of it, Angle beats the piss out of Jay Lethal and takes back his suit or something. Just a burial for the sake of it.

[Hawkius Maximus 0]

Outside of that segment which was so bad it was hysterical, this week's show was just...counter productive and boring.

 

Atleast last weeks show had the sheer oddity of it being perhaps the worst wrestling show ever put on national TV. This didn't even have that going for it.

[Jingus 0]

Aside from the one obvious thing, I just love all the questions that segments like this bring up.

 

If Booker could have AJ arrested for stealing his property, why didn't he already do that before now?

 

How did AJ know that Booker was going to call him out in order to have already been at the other side of the arena, waiting to jump him from behind?

 

How did AJ get his entrance music and video and lighting to all play when he was standing in the crowd and not in the back?

 

Why did the evil heels bravely call out the babyface?

 

Why did the valiant babyface sneak-attack them from behind with a weapon, get his ass kicked, and then run away still holding his illegal stolen property?

 

How did they know that AJ would assault them so he could be arrested?

 

Who does Scott Steiner think he is, no-selling someone hitting him in the back of the head as hard as they could with a heavy blunt metal object?

 

Why did the allegedly real police have such embarassingly cheap and fake-looking outfits?

 

Why didn't the allegedly real police arrest Angle (a man who was supposed to be barred from the building by the owner of the company) for trespassing, not to mention beating up people and ripping their clothes off?

 

How did Joe know these cops were gonna be there?

 

Where did Joe get a uniform identical to theirs?

 

How did the cops not realize there was an extra guy walking out to the ring with them?

 

Why didn't the allegedly real police try to stop this attempted murder which was happening right behind them in the ring?

 

Why isn't Joe arrested for repeatedly assaulting someone with a gigantic fucking meat cleaver?

 

After segments like this, why does anyone ever try to defend either Vince Russo or TNA as anything but imbecilic trash?

[Hawkius Maximus 0]

Aside from the one obvious thing, I just love all the questions that segments like this bring up.

 

 

If Booker could have AJ arrested for stealing his property, why didn't he already do that before now?

- He fiendishly waited for this episode of Impact to enact his diabolical plot.

 

How did AJ know that Booker was going to call him out in order to have already been at the other side of the arena, waiting to jump him from behind?

- He's psychic. And/or AJ Styles has developed the ability to cling to the ceiling and used said power to spy. Yet he was too busy contemplating how much he hates gay people to pay attention to the police part of the plan.

 

How did AJ get his entrance music and video and lighting to all play when he was standing in the crowd and not in the back?

- Promised free slurpees to the production crew.

 

Why did the evil heels bravely call out the babyface?

- Someone has to be brave in TNA. God knows the faces can't be.

 

Why did the valiant babyface sneak-attack them from behind with a weapon, get his ass kicked, and then run away still holding his illegal stolen property?

- He suddenly realized "Oh shit, this isn't working" and his heroic nature of fleeing from the scene of the crime took hold.

 

How did they know that AJ would assault them so he could be arrested?

- Mastermind like plan by Booker T. He used his gifted vocal insulting abilities to lure AJ Styles to his doom.

 

Who does Scott Steiner think he is, no-selling someone hitting him in the back of the head as hard as they could with a heavy blunt metal object?

- He thinks he is Scott Steiner. Scott Steiner does not have to sell, because he is Scott Steiner.

 

Why did the allegedly real police have such embarassingly cheap and fake-looking outfits?

- They're from Orlando.

 

Why didn't the allegedly real police arrest Angle (a man who was supposed to be barred from the building by the owner of the company) for trespassing, not to mention beating up people and ripping their clothes off?

- Angle could take out the entire police force of Orlando with his legit skills. Witness the punch he gave that security guy during the fight with Eric Young. Poor guy fell like a brick. What we didn't see was Angle's punch caused the security guy's head to explode and candy to burst out from his now hollow cranial cavity. Because Angle is that awesome.

 

How did Joe know these cops were gonna be there?

- He obsessively stalks the Main Event Mafia's every move. Why else would he have scarred his face. He is clearly mentally disturbed.

 

Where did Joe get a uniform identical to theirs?

- Beat the fuck out of a rent-a-cop in the parking lot.

 

How did the cops not realize there was an extra guy walking out to the ring with them?

- I'm sure someone said, "Hey, Bill, you look like you've gained weight recently..." but then Fake Cop Joe pulled out his sword and they reconsidered their opinions.

 

Why didn't the allegedly real police try to stop this attempted murder which was happening right behind them in the ring?

- Too busy restraining the superhuman AJ Styles to possibly help Steiner. Plus, they were probably thinking, "Hey, when the fuck did Bill become Samoan?" this question in turn caused them to reconsider intervening. If "Bill" can magically change his race, god knows what other mystical powers he has.

 

Why isn't Joe arrested for repeatedly assaulting someone with a gigantic fucking meat cleaver?

- What we don't see, is Joe disappears into the Orlando night after his attacks. Like a ghost.

 

After segments like this, why does anyone ever try to defend either Vince Russo or TNA as anything but imbecilic trash?

- No one does anymore.

[Jingus 0]

...touche, sir.

 

(Seriously, I saw more creativity and entertainment in that one post than I did in anything this two-hour show had to offer.)

[RedJed 0]

TNA is basically for pro wrestling what Troma is for film.......that's the best way I can describe them. They certainly don't take their own product seriously within the company (whether that is good or bad is up to debate), and there is always a handful of just absurdly bad but funny shit on each show. The point is that it seems intentional, like they know its just going to be really cheesy or just downright ridiculous to the point where it's just campy enterainment. You definately can't measure the formula of booking in TNA with that in any other organization because of that. It's a whole different beast.

[strummer 0]

I've actually watched the last 2 episodes of Impact in full (instead of being in and out like most weeks) and still haven't stopped laughing.

 

Like people were asking above, they *Have* to be doing this tongue and cheek right? There is no way that they could consider this effective storytelling and booking? Right? Right?

 

Scott Steiner is just killing me now with everything he says

[Hawkius Maximus 0]

TNA believes they're doing good.

 

That's not a joke. They honest to god believe they are producing a good weekly product. And Dixie Carter doesn't know enough, or doesn't try to learn enough to realize that only the people in the TNA creative bubble think it's going good.

[Downhome 0]

Where did Joe get a uniform identical to theirs?

 

How did the cops not realize there was an extra guy walking out to the ring with them?

 

Now that I think about it, I'm going to imagine from this day forward that he fucking murdered a random cop, cut his head totally off with his weapon, and left it in a closet in the back of the Impact Zone.

 

If you're going to go there, go all the way with this bullshit.

[Downhome 0]

TNA believes they're doing good.

 

That's not a joke. They honest to god believe they are producing a good weekly product. And Dixie Carter doesn't know enough, or doesn't try to learn enough to realize that only the people in the TNA creative bubble think it's going good.

 

No shit. That interview with Dixie Carter that came out over the steroid mess explains everything you need to know about TNA.

[cabbageboy 0]

That's great. Now the question is this: Should I go to the house show next Friday at some convention center in Shepherdsville (which is a bit outside Louisville)? The main will be Joe vs. Angle, so maybe I should go root for the psychotic Olympic champ who hates almost everyone to beat down the near murderous Samoan.