The NBA Offseason Thread

[Ripper 0]

I felt so sorry for Stockton being stuck with the biggest choke artist in the history of the NBA. People talk so much shit about Chris Webber, NO ONE has ever choked as much as Karl Malone in big games. If it was a possession, he would lose the ball. Count on it. If he went to the free throw line, he was going to miss. Count on it. You could have walked the fuck away from Karl Malone with the game on the line and he was going to trip and drop the ball out of bounds.

 

And on top of that he was Bruce Bowen dirty in that he tried to hurt other players. Stockton was annoying dirty in that he just would piss you off. Thats why I like Stock.

 

But fuck Karl Malone. Jerry Sloan, Jeff Horecek and John Stockton should show up at his door with a bar of soap in some socks and beat the shit out of him for completely karma fucking their chance at a NBA championship.

[2GOLD 0]

Well, karma wise this explains Malone's lack of success in the Finals.

What did Stockton do, then, to deserve his lack of Finals success? Deal smack while at Gonzaga?

 

Drank the blood of newborn babies while smacking their mothers. If he didn't smack their mothers, he'd have a ring right now.

[alfdogg 0]

All joking aside, "play against Michael Jordan" is the correct answer here.

[teke184 0]

Well, karma wise this explains Malone's lack of success in the Finals.

What did Stockton do, then, to deserve his lack of Finals success? Deal smack while at Gonzaga?

 

Guilty by association?

That's like saying Shaq and the rest of the Lakers got punished because Kobe screwed that hotel clerk in Colorado, not because Kobe's head got too big or because they over-relied on veterans like Malone and Payton off the bench instead of young guys.

[teke184 0]

I felt so sorry for Stockton being stuck with the biggest choke artist in the history of the NBA. People talk so much shit about Chris Webber, NO ONE has ever choked as much as Karl Malone in big games. If it was a possession, he would lose the ball. Count on it. If he went to the free throw line, he was going to miss. Count on it. You could have walked the fuck away from Karl Malone with the game on the line and he was going to trip and drop the ball out of bounds.

 

Patrick Ewing, anybody?

[Damaramu 0]

Well, karma wise this explains Malone's lack of success in the Finals.

What did Stockton do, then, to deserve his lack of Finals success? Deal smack while at Gonzaga?

 

Guilty by association?

That's like saying Shaq and the rest of the Lakers got punished because Kobe screwed that hotel clerk in Colorado, not because Kobe's head got too big or because they over-relied on veterans like Malone and Payton off the bench instead of young guys.

 

It was said in jest.

[Ripper 0]

All joking aside, "play against Michael Jordan" is the correct answer here.

 

 

They would have lost to anyone. The games they won on the way to the finals featured them keeping the ball out of Sucky VonChokesalot hand. Stocktons three, Horney's layup, Ostertags block. All plays that fuck up would have fucked up.

 

The bulls doubled stockton two years in a row to force him to pass to Malone with the game on the line and he turned it over both times. That dude really did suck ass.

 

For people to put him in the All-Time PF list over Barkley or Mchale is embarrassing. (duncan is still a center. Fuck the spurs lineup chart)

[teke184 0]

Well, karma wise this explains Malone's lack of success in the Finals.

What did Stockton do, then, to deserve his lack of Finals success? Deal smack while at Gonzaga?

 

Guilty by association?

That's like saying Shaq and the rest of the Lakers got punished because Kobe screwed that hotel clerk in Colorado, not because Kobe's head got too big or because they over-relied on veterans like Malone and Payton off the bench instead of young guys.

 

It was said in jest.

I know, but I want people around here to qualify their exaggerations.

 

Say "Malone is a despicable human being" and leave it at that. Don't go down the "God fucked over 14 other players because Malone couldn't keep his cock in his shorts" route.

[Ripper 0]

Well, karma wise this explains Malone's lack of success in the Finals.

What did Stockton do, then, to deserve his lack of Finals success? Deal smack while at Gonzaga?

 

Guilty by association?

That's like saying Shaq and the rest of the Lakers got punished because Kobe screwed that hotel clerk in Colorado, not because Kobe's head got too big or because they over-relied on veterans like Malone and Payton off the bench instead of young guys.

 

Well...that team did have Karl the 13 year old impregnator Malone on the team (and now that I think about it, Cheryl Fords mom was 13 too when she got pregnant with Malones child. He was only 17 at the time. Then when he was around 19-20, he got ANOTHER 13 year old pregnant....ASSHOLE) and Kobe "He is a hero for going to his RAPE trial and coming back and playing" Bryant on the team.

 

If karma doesn't fuck that team over, who does karma fuck?

[Ripper 0]

I felt so sorry for Stockton being stuck with the biggest choke artist in the history of the NBA. People talk so much shit about Chris Webber, NO ONE has ever choked as much as Karl Malone in big games. If it was a possession, he would lose the ball. Count on it. If he went to the free throw line, he was going to miss. Count on it. You could have walked the fuck away from Karl Malone with the game on the line and he was going to trip and drop the ball out of bounds.

 

Patrick Ewing, anybody?

 

 

Not even close. Sure, he should have dunked the ball, but the guy hit plenty of "He totally didn't just travel" hook shots across the lane to win big games.

 

Yeah, he took 6 steps, but still...

[teke184 0]

Well, karma wise this explains Malone's lack of success in the Finals.

What did Stockton do, then, to deserve his lack of Finals success? Deal smack while at Gonzaga?

 

Guilty by association?

That's like saying Shaq and the rest of the Lakers got punished because Kobe screwed that hotel clerk in Colorado, not because Kobe's head got too big or because they over-relied on veterans like Malone and Payton off the bench instead of young guys.

 

Well...that team did have Karl the 13 year old impregnator Malone on the team (and now that I think about it, Cheryl Fords mom was 13 too when she got pregnant with Malones child. He was only 17 at the time. Then when he was around 19-20, he got ANOTHER 13 year old pregnant....ASSHOLE) and Kobe "He is a hero for going to his RAPE trial and coming back and playing" Bryant on the team.

 

If karma doesn't fuck that team over, who does karma fuck?

Idiots like Jay Williams and Kellen Winslow II, as well as guys like Bobby Hurley for some reason.

[alfdogg 0]

I've always wondered how a Pacers/Jazz Finals would have played out in '98. Of all the years we made the conference finals, I thought that would have been the Finals series we had the best chance of winning had we got there. What do you guys think?

[naiwf 0]

I felt so sorry for Stockton being stuck with the biggest choke artist in the history of the NBA. People talk so much shit about Chris Webber, NO ONE has ever choked as much as Karl Malone in big games. If it was a possession, he would lose the ball. Count on it. If he went to the free throw line, he was going to miss. Count on it. You could have walked the fuck away from Karl Malone with the game on the line and he was going to trip and drop the ball out of bounds.

 

Patrick Ewing, anybody?

 

Since you brought up some bad memories here I'll just talk about the main Ewing game that still pisses me off to this day. I'm sure you all remember the one in '95 in the Eastern Conference Semis against the Pacers at MSG where he decided to be different and NOT take the 3rd step he always did on a dunk but to blow a finger roll from point blank range ultimately costing them the game and the series. It's Patrick Ewing AT MSG and there's not a chance in hell a ref is going to call him for travelling at that stage of the game, but I guess he wanted to be George Gervin for some reason. Ugh. The '94 and '95 playoff ending games still haunt me as a Knicks fan especially when it seems like we'll never be good again.

[Ripper 0]

Seriously...his go to move was a travel. It never got called. Why did he think it would be called there?

[Guest I swallowed a Q-Tip.]

Come on, guys, it's not like he raped her.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

In other news, confirmation tha Karl Malone is a fucking dick hole grows even more.

 

Demetrius Bell, the 7th round pick of the Bills in the last draft is Karl Malones son(who of course he doesn't acknowledge and told him he has to make his own money since it is too late to be his father) and his mother was...

 

THIRTEEN MUTHERFUCKING YEARS OLD WHEN SHE HAD HIM.

 

Malone was in COLLEGE. And impregnated a 13 year girl. After impregnating a girl while he was in High School with twins and not acknowledging them until one of them became a basketball star.

 

FUCK that fucking guy.

So, what you're saying is, he fit right in in Utah?

[teke184 0]

Come on, guys, it's not like he raped her.

Well-played, Kobe.

[alfdogg 0]

Chad Ford has a chat going on right now at ESPN.com, and he thinks that D'Antoni would become the frontrunner for the Knicks' job should the Suns let him go.

[naiwf 0]

Noooooooooooooooooo! I just can't stand looking at D'Antoni when he's got the bleeding vagina face and that's all we'd see if he was stupid enough to take the Knicks job since we can't play defense and don't have (m)any players who fit his style.

[randomguy 0]

The more I think about what I saw the more I think Shaq was a huge problem. On defense you have two guys (Shaq and Stoudamire) who can't defend on the ball and mostly just hang around the basket. The main reason Shaq gets rebounds is because he just camps out in the paint.

 

Then on offense you have two players that are only effective withing 8 feet of the basket. The defense can collapse and Nash driving doesn't work, it's too crowded. When Nash drives and both Shaq and Stoudamire are hanging around the basket that leaves only two guys anywhere on the perimeter.

 

Shaq is also good for a bunch of what are effectively turnovers a game thanks to hack-a-Shaq. With Marion you had a good defender who could spread the floor.

 

As far as Shaq covering Duncan, he did an ok job when Duncan tried to post up near the basket but when he stepped out to the 12 foot range Shaq was lost.

[Brett Favre 0]

Chad Ford has a chat going on right now at ESPN.com, and he thinks that D'Antoni would become the frontrunner for the Knicks' job should the Suns let him go.

 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaa.

 

We just need a point guard, trade away you know whos, and run with Nate, Chandler, Balkman, Lee, and maybe Crawford.

[MFer 0]

It's looking like D'Antoni might sign on with the Bulls. The financial part is still being figured out.

[Guest College Party]

That would be yet another terrible move by the Bulls. He'll never work with this team. Couldn't win with fuckin' Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire; he's not going to win with Kirk Hinrich and Joakim Noah. And now I just found out that they changed up their announcing teams and got rid of Wayne Larrivee and Red Kerr. Horrible news. Probably one of the better broadcasting teams in the league. Godspeed, THE DAGGER!/...TORCH! Neil Funk and Stacey King? They won't be any damn good.

[SteakGrowsOnUecker 0]

I really don't care for King on commentary. Just hearing his "expertise" and then thinking back to how terrible of a player he was while with the Bulls, it just doesen't work for me. And Bulls games won't be the same to me without Red calling them..bless his soul. Even though as the years have gone on he's prone to losing his mind on commentary...he's got a grandfather type vibe to him. Can't really get upset when he does. Just my thoughts of course.

[Guest College Party]

"Ben Gordon with a...uh...TORCH!"

 

"You know who Szczerbiak reminds me of?"

"No, Red, who?"

"...I forgot."

 

So apparently the new teams are Neil Funk and Stacey King on TV, and Chuck Swirsky and Bill Wennington on AM1000. I know Swirsky was a local guy before he went to the Raptors, but he's before my time. Is he any good? Wayne Larrivee is really good, even though he also works for the Packers. So now he's been fired by the Bears AND Bulls, probably because other guys were cheaper.

[Brett Favre 0]

But fuck Karl Malone. Jerry Sloan, Jeff Horecek and John Stockton should show up at his door with a bar of soap in some socks and beat the shit out of him for completely karma fucking their chance at a NBA championship.

 

LOL.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

But fuck Karl Malone. Jerry Sloan, Jeff Horecek and John Stockton should show up at his door with a bar of soap in some socks and beat the shit out of him for completely karma fucking their chance at a NBA championship.

 

LOL.

 

Ripper supports hate crimes!

 

Anyway, does anyone think Avery Johnson should get more interest then Mike D'Antoni? I mean atleast he reached the finals...

[Ripper 0]

But fuck Karl Malone. Jerry Sloan, Jeff Horecek and John Stockton should show up at his door with a bar of soap in some socks and beat the shit out of him for completely karma fucking their chance at a NBA championship.

 

LOL.

 

Ripper supports hate crimes!

 

Anyway, does anyone think Avery Johnson should get more interest then Mike D'Antoni? I mean atleast he reached the finals...

 

 

But probably wouldn't have made it if not for injuries to D'Antoni's team.

 

I don't think that Chicago is the best place for Mike. He doesn't have anyone that can really finish at the rim the way Amare can.

 

If some people would get off their fucking asses and fire mike woodson already, I think Atlanta would be the perfect place for him. That or Toronto.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

But fuck Karl Malone. Jerry Sloan, Jeff Horecek and John Stockton should show up at his door with a bar of soap in some socks and beat the shit out of him for completely karma fucking their chance at a NBA championship.

 

LOL.

 

Ripper supports hate crimes!

 

Anyway, does anyone think Avery Johnson should get more interest then Mike D'Antoni? I mean atleast he reached the finals...

 

 

But probably wouldn't have made it if not for injuries to D'Antoni's team.

 

Coulda, woulda, shoulda... Didn't happen. Avery made the finals, D'Antoni couldn't... And I argue D'Antoni had better talent around him.

 

One of the best natural gifted PF's in the game right now, and the 2 time MVP Steve Nash.

[Ripper 0]

But you asked why Mike would get more love than Avery because Avery made the finals.

 

Then they blew the finals. And they got there by beating a depleted team in the West Finals. Point is, that finals trip for Avery just doesn't count as much as one would think. People still remember the circumstance.