Jump to content
TSM Forums
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
  • entries
    357
  • comments
    369
  • views
    46045

About this blog

It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

Entries in this blog

How To Vibrate
 

Carnival of Souls (Day 4)

04.) Carnival of Souls (1962)

Plot: After a car accident, A woman finds herself in a strange carnival of the undead.

Review: One of the best pre Night of the Living Dead zombie movies (yes, the undead existed in movies before that-and they didn't eat human flesh either), "Carnival of Souls" is also a horror classic. Made for about $33,000, and released in drive in theaters with little fanfare, it has sense become heralded as a classic-and rightfully so.

The film itself feels like a nightmare meets a Twilight Zone episode, and the zombie make up isn't that great (again, made for $33,000), it nevertheless is a haunting gem, well acted throughout, and containing a killer climax to boot. In an interesting turn of events, the movie was more influenced by the likes of Bergman than the other drive in quickies of the time, which probably explains why it originally went ignored upon it's original relase.

If you want to see it, it's public domain, and easy to find. If you want to get it on DVD, get the Criterion Collection 2-Disc version, and while I love MST3K, avoid the version with Mike Nelson on commentary mocking it (seriously Mike, stick to ripping on bad movies.)

Verdict: 10/10 A horror classic that deserves to be seen by everyone-even those who normally don't watch horror.

Next Time: The Dead Pit.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Return to the mall

Sunday was interesting, as I returned to the mall. Was it a fun experience?   Unlike last time, I saw no Juggalos. I even found t-shirts I wanted (all horror movie related). The guy working at the store though, hoo-boy. He was a loud talker. I mean a really loud talker. I was practically worried he was going to skin me alive, the way he went on about horror movies and whatnot, practically seeming like he was about to come out of his skin. In short, he scared the shit out of me. Oh, and the guy he was working with him looked like a chick. Also, the music they played in there sucked.   I thought of going into the Hot Topic for a laugh, but changed my mind. I already went to one store for shirts (called Cosmic or some bullshit) so I didn't want to suffer. I did go to the bookstore there (Waldens, which sure as hell ain't Borders) and got John Skipp's book "The Long Last Call." It's a good, quick read, with interesting characters, as well as a great introduction by Brian Keene.   All this out of the way, it would be nice if the people working at the mall knew where certain places were. Come on, they work there at the mall, and they don't know where the mall's book store is? Also, why do bookstores all the sudden have to be flooded with Anime merchandise? I go there to get a horror or sci-fi novel, or a magazine, not to have Inuyasha (no, not CronoT's attempt at being a master of disguise) look at me.   I then went to FYE, then left. In case the music industry is wondering "why aren't people buying CD's like they used to?", it probably has to do with the fact that CD's cost $19.99. I'm not paying that much for a Neurosis CD, no matter how much I like the band. That's too fucking expensive.   So yeah, that's my return to the mall in a nutshell.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Night of the Comet (Day 30)

30.) Night of the Comet (1984)

Plot: After a Comet destroys much of the population, two valley girls must fend for their lives against the living dead.

Review Remember when I said "One Dark Knight" was the most 80's movie to be reviewed here? I was wrong. That award goes to Thom ("Sole Survivor") Eberhardt's Sci-Fi Horror/Comedy cult classic "Night of the Comet", with its 80's soundtrack, dialogue, hair, clothes, etc.

The movie itself really isn't a horror movie. Sure, there's zombies, but at the end of the day, this is more of a comedy if anything. That out of the way, the dead aren't treated like a joke, and thankfully avoid being reduced to pratfalls and bad slapstick humor. The dead are pretty smart themselves, as they can fire guns, talk, and much more. Well, a few can, such as Willy and his gang. Willy by the way, gets away with great one liners ("I'm not crazy. I just don't give a fuck!" "Let's play a game, it's called scary noises.") Shame he kicks the bucket-again.

The movie is largely light hearted, and the cast have a ball with it, while fortunately not overselling or mugging for the camera. Also, there' a scene in a shopping mall, but unlike Romero, director Eberhardt is not interested in biting social commentary. He just wants to entertain you.

"Night of the Comet" may lack the eerie atmosphere of Eberhardt's previous entry in zombie movies "Sole Survivor", but it makes up for it with campy fun.

Rating: 8/10 "Daddy would have gotten us Uzis."

Tomorow, the final movie is: You'll see.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Amazing Update

Good week so far. Classes are doing allright, and on Smackdown, Angle is the champ. Even though I (and everyone else) knew it was going to happen, I still marked out.   Also, the "Masters of Horror" episode tonight, called "Sick Girl", was pretty good. It's basically a lesbian love story with insects involved, and it's really creepy. Angela ("May", "Toolbox Murders" remake) Bettis was good, as was Erin Brown (who you late night Cinemax watchers may know of as EI starlette Misty Mundae). Also, after second viewing, I'd have to say that the episode "Fair Haired Child" is still pretty good, and that I've changed my mind on the title creature: It's actually pretty creepy. Anyways, next weeks episode is called "Pick Me Up", and is directed by Larry (director "It's Alive", "God Told Me To", &"Q The Winged Serpant", as well as one of the writers of the "Maniac Cop" films) Cohen. It deals with a girl trapped in a game of cat and mouse with two killers. One who kills hitchhikers, the other is a hitchhiker who kills people who pick him up.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

I'm a Fister

Recently on a radio show interview, Anne Coulter attacked liberals, and for some reason, mentioned anal sex and fisting. Well, in honor of that. here's a song just for you folks   I fist the old brown eye and I'm proud I use to feel alone in a crowd But now you look around these days And it seems theres anal fisting CRAZE I'm a fister he's a fister she's a fister we're fister Wouldn't you like to be a fister too? I'm a fisterer he's a fister she's a fister If you aim for the stink wrinkle you're a fister too! Us fisters are an interesting breed A good old stinkhole is all we need Ask any fister and they'll say "only fisting feels that way" I'm a fister he's a fister she's a fister we're a fister wouldn't you like to be a fister too? I'm a fisterer he's a fister she's a fister we're a fister wouldn't you like to be a fister too?
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Frozen Scream (Day 10)

10.) Frozen Scream (1981) *

Plot: Mad Scientists (including late minor cult movie icon Renee Harmon) discover a new technology that turns people into remote controlled/frozen zombies that kill.

Review: "Frozen Scream" isn't just a bad movie-it's a frustrating one at that. The premise (though campy) is at least original, yet it fails. Why?

Well for starters, the acting (save Harmon, who's icy, emotionless performance is sort of interesting) is dreadful. Harmon is clearly the only person in the movie with any acting experience, as everybody else obviously has little to no experience in the field. The only things that break the tedium are the loud (and weird) electronic score (half of the movies cues are from the notably awful backwoods slasher flick Don't Go In The Woods-which H. Kingsley Thurber also scored) and the (unconvincing) gore effects, both of which have a weird low budget charm.

The biggest problems though, are the inability to do anything with the interesting premise, and the general uneventfulness of the whole thing. The movie has a goofy but original premise, but it never realizes the potential that it has. Instead, people just babble on incessantly about immortality. It's a movie where you keep waiting for something-anything- to happen, and while a few things do happen (eyeball violence is always welcome), not enough does happen.

Still, it's at least better than the Shot On Camcorder zombie movies reviewed here, though that isn't saying much.

* The IMDB and a few other sources may say that the movie was made and released in 1975- but it actually came out in 1981.

Rating: 3/10 There's some minor pluses, but they are far too many minuses to make it good. Instead, "Frozen Scream" is a total bore.

Next Movie: Zombie Holocaust
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Dead & Buried (Day 26)

26.) Dead & Buried (1981)

Plot: Sheriff Dan Gillis (James Farentino) is investigating a series of murders in the town of Potter's Bluff. So, why are these dead bodies coming back? Does Mortician (Jack Albertson, in his last performance) have something to do with it?

Review: Released by a major studio, written by Dan ("Alien", "Return of the Living Dead", "Total Recall") O'Bannon, and directed by Gary ("Raw Meat", "Poltergeist III") Sherman, "Dead & Buried" tanked in the box office, but faired better on VHS. In the 80's era of Slasher movies and Splatter flicks, it's really a lost classic.

The plot could best be described as Stephen King meets E.C. Comics with a bit of H.P. Lovecraft. The dead in the movie aren't shambling, rotting corpses, and that's what makes them so eerie and unnerving-they just seem so much like normal people. You wouldn't know hey are zombies if you saw or talked to them, but you would know that something about them isn't right. While hardly a gorefest, it still has some memorable moments, including an infamous hypodermic needle to the eye sequence.

Acting wise, Jack Albertson steals the show as Dobbs the mortician, adding a nice undercurrent of black humor, as well as a sense of pride and respect for his work-you can tell the actor is having the time of his life playing the villain for a change. The rest of the cast is great, with faces such as Melody ("Flash Gordon") Anderson and Robert Englund popping up.

"Dead & Buried" is one of my favorite 80's horror movies, and should be seen by anyone who says they love horror. Believe me, you won't regret it.

Rating: Either 9/10 One of the best Zombie movies you don't hear much about, "Dead & Buried" is an underrated gem.

Next on the Plate: Dawn Of The Mummy
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Zombie Holocaust (Day 11)

11.) Zombie Holocaust (1980)

Plot: Dr. Obrero * (Dan O' Brien) is experimenting on corpses on a remote Island. Well, an expedition team (which includes Zombi 2's Ian McCulloch) ends up on the island-and runs into the Docotor, who has some plans-as well as cannibals and zombies-in store for them.

Review: Titled "Dr Butcher M.D." when it came to video in the 80's, "Zombie Holocaust" is an interesting-and fun-blend of two different kinds of Italian Gore flicks: The Italian Zombie movie, and the Italian Cannibal movie-only without any of the animal torture and mutilation of the later.

The movie has some nice gore (surgical and otherwise-including an awesome motorboat engine to the head death) and nudity to liven things up, as well as a fun score and tons of camp. Also, unlike other Italian gore flicks of the time, the movie features a little intentional humor to go with it ("The patients screaming disturbed me, performed removal of vocal chords"-that line always gets me), which after the downbeat feeling of Fulci's zombie movies, is something of a breath of undead air. It's nice to see an Italian gore flick that doesn't take itself too seriously for a change.

If there is any problem, it's that the zombie aspect feels rather underplayed, as they aren't used for much. Sure, there's that aforementioned death by boat motor, but they don't do a whole lot to threaten the team, as the cannibals are more of a threat.

Still, "Zombie Holocaust" is a blast of exploitation that fans of over the top Italian Horror might enjoy. I know I did.

*In case you ever wondered where I got the old username Dr Obrero, now you know.

Rating: 3/10 as a zombie movie, but 8/10 as a fun exploitation movie. I recommend it.

Tomorrow: Junk
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Horror Rises From The Tomb (Day 24)

24.) Horror Rises From The Tomb (1973)

Plot: A Medieval Warlock returns hundreds of years later to recieve the rest of his body (he was decapitated, you see) and kill anyone who get's in his way.

Review: The final Spanish Horror entry in this list, "Horror Rises From The Tomb" is also the second featuring the upiquitis Paul Naschy. Fortunately, this is a better movie than the jumbled mess Vengeance of the Zombies, and is a good, fitting end to the Spanish titles reviewed here, as it's a very entertaining entry in the world of weird but fun Euro-Trash flicks.

The plot is a bit confused, though fortunately, Naschy and co. manage to make the everything but the kitchen sink approach work this time, complete with gore (decapitations, hearts torn out in graphic detail, etc) nudity (this thing is a tit fest) and general weirdness (the site of a disembodied head giving orders is funny no matter how you try to spin it.)

The movie is also more interesting this time around, thanks to not overdoing it with exposition, and just letting things happen. It may be a bit confusing (a detailed plot synopsis of this is nearly impossible really), and the zombie aspect feels a little undercooked (really, do we need another movie with undead servents doing their master's bidding?), but it's still tons of fun, and a good introduction to those wanting to get into the movies of Paul Naschy.

"Horror Rises From The Tomb" and it's ilk are an acquired taste, but those wanting some nonsensical fun will be pleased.

Rating: 8/10 A fun slice of Trash Horror, though those hoping for a easy to follow plot will be dismayed. Otherwise, enjoy.

Tomorrow: A Virgin Among The Living Dead
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Inuyasha aka CronoT aka Cronoyasha is back.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...     ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...   ...Ok, I'm done. Wait a minute...   ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Now I'm done.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Some things to note

Ok, here's some things to note at the moment, including a little something to those who bitched about me being glad Obama won   -First things first: I hate dumb "Bush=Hitler" and Bush looks like a chimp shit as much as the next guy. Come on, I don't like the guy, but that shit's not only childish, but also retarded. That's why I also don't want to hear shit like "Obamessiah" and "Obama, lol don't you mean Osama" shit either. It's stupid not matter how you lean politically, and if you talk like that, then grow up.   -It's pretty cold at the moment, and even snowed briefly today. So yeah, it feels like fall. Funny that it was like 65 last week. Guess that means it's time for my fall/summer listening/ some black metal (well, black metal that doesn't suck), dark folk music, Alice in Chain's acoustic material, a little Trip Hop (Terranova's "Close the Door" and Hooverphonic's "A New Sterophonic Sound Spectacular" work well), a little Doom Metal (Electric Wizard and Burning Witch), a little ambient, Depeche Mode (that works every season though), and some Shoegazer (ditto.) So, what's the weather like for you guys, and what do you listen to this time of year?   -KANERULESFAN is an awesome gimmick. Seriously, this guy is hilarious, and the best gimmick in a long time.   -And finally, I treat a bitch like 7 Up, never have never will.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Junk (Day 12)

12.) Junk (2000)

Plot: A team of petty Jewel thieves find themselves fighting for their lives when the factory they are in turns out to be infested with zombies-including a hot naked chick.

Review: Take one part Tarantino knock off, one part Re-Animator, one part Return of the Living Dead 3, and three parts Italian zombie movie, and you get "Junk"- a derivative, unoriginal, but really fun zombie movie that plays like the best one Italy never made-only it's from Japan.

The movie borrows liberally from from a variety of movies (the ones mentioned above, as well as Day of the Dead, Bruno Mattei's so bad it's brilliant Hell of the Living Dead, and a few others), yet somehow, it ends up being a blast. The gore is great and plentiful (including quite an original scene where a zombie consumes it's own flesh), as the undead eat human flesh with relish, and people shoot, stab, electrocute, etc. them with gusto. Oh, and there's a hot naked zombie chick (well, she's naked most of the time-when she's not, she's in tight leather) with big tits whose also smarter, faster, and smarter than the other zombies in the movie.

While the movie is unoriginal and derivative, that fact is never distracting. What is distracting though, is the English speaking/American actors, who are so bad, it's painful. I'm talking bad local theater production levels bad. You'll cringe whenever they appear on screen.

Still, "Junk" is a blast of mindless cheesy fun, and is a perfect "pack of beer with friends" movie.

Rating: 7.5/10 Derivative nature and poor acting aside, "Junk" is still a a lot of fun, though it doesn't have much on the mind.

Next Time: The Child
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

What happened while you saw "Pineapple Express"

Well, here's what happened this week in case you've been living under a rock   -John Edwards admitted to an affair with a woman while his wife has cancer. Class act. I'm sure Newt thinks he's an amatuer though. That reminds me: what is it with politicians and ugly chicks? Why can't they take a page out of Kennedy's book and nail a hot chick? You guys are fucking politicians, you can get better pussy.   -Somebody was stabbed, killed, and decapitated on a bus in Manitoba. Westboro Baptist Church is there to tell people they are going to hell (really, I'm just apathetic towards these guys now. I've heard so much from them or about them that they are just old news), and or pals at PETA are behaving in the dignified way expected by running an add saying the guy's death is nowhere near as bad as killing an animal. Stay classy PETA.   -John McCain keeps running negative adds, alienating old fans in a way that Bill Clinton alienated old fans this year.   -Brett Farve got traded to the Jets-oh go away Brett. Seriously, go away, quit whining, quit crying, and quit being a little bitch. And for God's sake, it wouldn't kill you to shave more often. This has given ESPN even more reasons to suck as well, as if it weren't already possible.   -"Pineapple Express" is pretty awesome, though it didn't beat "The Dark Knight." Also, good to see Rosie Perez still getting work.   -R.I.P. Bernie Mac. You were the best thing about the "Ocean's" movies, and Milky is right when he says your role as "Officer Self-Hatred" in "Don't Be A Menace" is great.   -Finally:    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

20 Best Metal albums (2000-2008)

20.) Deathspell Omega-Fas - Ite, Maledicti, in Ignem Aeternum (2007) 19.) Caina-Mourner (2007) 18.) Weakling-Dead as Dreams (2000) 17.) The Angelic Process-Weighing Souls With Sand (2007) 16.) Amesoeurs-Ruines Humaines (2006) / Blut Aus Nord-The Work Which Transforms God (2004) (tie) 15.) Nachtmystium-Assasins: Black Meddle Pt. 1 (2008) 14.) Wolves in the Throne Room-Two Hunters (2007) 13.) Origin-Antithesis (2008) 12.) Agalloch-Ashes Against the Grain (2006) 11.) Mastodon-Blood Mountain (2006) 10.) Katatonia-Last Fair Deal Gone Down (2001) 9.) Drudkh-Autumn Aurora (2004) 8.) Nile-In Their Darkened Shrines (2002) 7.) Artcturus-The Sham Mirrors (2002) 6.) Isis-Oceanic (2002)/Opeth-Blackwater Park (tie) 5.) Sleep-Dopesmoker (2003) 4.) Jesu-Jesu (2005) 3.) Mastodon-Leviathan (2004) 2.) Agalloch-The Mantle (2002) 1.) Electric Wizard-Dopethtone (2000)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Honorable Mentions 2006

Stuff that was forgotten, and such   Worst Arguments Anyone arguing with fanofcoils. Also, several arguments I got into this year, in particular me and Tack arguing over shitty Black Meatal act Burzum, and me arguing with Cena's Writer over Hugo Chavez/   Good to see him again: Carnival. Good to see you on TSM again.   Should Have Been released as a single: Ghostface Killah-K.I.L.O., Peeping Tom-Kill The DJ   I don't want to hear about it anymore: The Pit. Seriously, why do people (myself included) keep mentioning it?   Thank God: The Republicans lost. I'm no Democrat or Republican, but thank God.   Unanswered Questions: Why would anybody over the age of 20 (CronoT) watch Inuyasha?   What the Fuck???: Otakukin, or people who really think that they are anime characters trapped in human bodies. Also, otherkin, or people who really think that they are dragons, elves, vampires, and other fictional entities trapped in a human's body. It's nothing new, but still: What the Fuck???   Show I watch that nobody else seems to: Masters of Horror. Come on folks, fucking watch it!   Movie I'm looking Forward to in 2007: Grindhouse. This is going to kick so much ass.   Ugliest Image: Britney's flappy poon. To think, years ago, we all wanted to see it, but now we want her to cover it up.   Best Fad: NEDM   Internet Legend Award: Goatse. Thank you for stretching out to us and making us sick.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

The Dead Hate The Living! (Day 17)

17.) The Dead Hate The Living! (2000)

Plot: A band of would be filmmakers go to an abandoned hospital, and find a real dead body-which they use for the movie. It ends up opening a portal to hell-and unleashing some zombies.

Review: I make no apologies whatsoever when I say that I like the movie Scream. Sure, I may lose cred to some horror nerds, but I answer only to myself, thank you. I don't like though, what came after "Scream": A series of annoying, self aware horror movies that thought they were clever, but weren't. Case in point: "The Dead Hate The Living", released by the one interesting Full Moon Studios, is proof that a love for zombie movies does not make a good zombie movie.

The movie is full of references to other, better horror movies: Return of the Living Dead, The Beyond, Cannibal Ferox, to name a few-and while it's heart seems to be in the right place, it all comes off as fanboyish nonsense, which is essentially what it is. Not only that, it's bad fanboyish nonsense. The acting is non-existence, the references to Bruce Campbell and Fangoria are annoying, the soundtrack-filled with bad horror punk, psychobilly, and horrorcore rap-is grating, and the mugging for the camera hurts as well.

To be fair, the zombie and gore FX are decent, but they aren't enough to save this dreck from being any good.

Writer/Director David Parker would go on to write the notoriously bad House of the Dead (no, he's not happy with the way it turned out-can't say I blame him), and was originally attached to direct a Michael vs. Pinhead movie, though that movie never came to pass thank God. He also acted in the movie Free Enterprise, which is actually a pretty damn good comedy. Amazingly, when "Dead Hate The Living!" came out, some were praising Parker as one of horror's next big things, which shows how bad the shape of the genre was in at the time. After HOTD, his career never took off or fully recovered.

Rating: 2/10 Proof that while anyone can make a zombie movie, not everyone can make a good one.

Next Review: Let's Scare Jessica To Death
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Dead Man's Party

I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go
Walkin' with a dead man over my shoulder

Waiting for an invitation to arrive
Goin' to a party where no one's still alive

CHORUS
I was struck by lighting
Walkin' down the street
I was hit by something last night in my sleep
It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .
(Don't run away it's only me)

All dressed up with nowhere to go
Walkin' with a dead man
Waitin' for an invitation to arrive
With a dead man . . . Dead Man . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to the door
Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

CHORUS

Don't run away it's only me
Don't be afraid of what you can't see
Don't run away it's only me . . .
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

A Wrong Way to Rock and a Wrong Way to Roll

-Well, you won't be hearing me talk about homework for a while, because I'm done for the semester. Also, the weather is great today.   -The season premier of "Tom Goes To The Mayor" debuted last night. I don't care what anybody says: This show is hilarious. I love it because it's unconventional, and because it pisses off losers on the internet.   -It seems like Rob Zombie will be doing the next Halloween movie. Rob, I personally think that this is a bad idea. Stick to whatever it is you want to direct , and please direct an episode of "Masters of Horror."   -Bush is trying to ban gay marriage. You know, I have to ask the question: what is so bad about gay marriage?Lets face it folks: it isn't hurting anybody, and marriage isn't exactlly a sacred bond anymore. Besides, I think gay couples have every right to be miserable and wonder what they were thinking when they married the person they thought was right for them as straight couples do, though that's probably just me.   -I was at Meijer today, and stumbled upon a novelazation of WWE's slasher flick "See No Evil". I skimmed through a few pages, and got a good chuckle out of it. Didn't buy it though.   That's all for now.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Sole Survivor (Day 15)

15.) Sole Survivor (1983)

Plot: The only survivor of a plane crash finds herself being followed by the dead-to finish the job death planned for her.

Review: The plot may sound a lot like that of Final Destination, but that's where the similarities end. What we end up getting is an original, relatively gore free horror flick, and anunderrated zombie movie that owes more to Carnival of Souls than Zombi 2.

The most intriguing aspect of the movie is it's treatment of the zombies. These are not mindless, flesh eating hordes, or corpses brought back by a chemical leak or voodoo. These are a cruel parody of death, working for the reaper, and working with a serious purpose. They are quite creepy too, and bring forth an aura of serious dread and menace reminiscent of the dead found in underrated fare like Dead & Buried and Messiah of Evil. The acting is also strong, with Anita Skinner playing a convincing lead character.

Director Thom Eberhardt would go on to direct the more tongue and cheek apocalyptic zombie movie Night of the Comet, as well as Gross Anatomy and to a lesser extent, Captain Ron.

As it stands though, this is his best movie. It's now out on DVD thanks to Code Red (complete with linear notes by genre authority Stephen Thrower), and is worth your money. I recommend it.

Rating: 9/10 One of the best 80's horror movies you haven't seen, "Sole Survivor" is an underrated gem. Check it out.

Next Time: Night of the Sorcerers
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Dawn of the Mummy (Day 27)

27.) Dawn of the Mummy (1982)

Plot: A group of supermodels disturb the sleep of a mummy, incurring it's wrath-as well as the wrath of the undead.

Review: Filmed in Egypt, this Italian/American co-production is a lot of things, but good isn't one of them. If anything, it's proof that not every Italian Zombie movie is going to be good (see also: Zombi 4: After Death; Killing Birds.) Thing is, unlike say, Hell of the Living Dead, this isn't even entertainingly bad. It's just mind numbingly boring bad.

The movie does offer some decent gore, but it's not until the last 15 minutes that the dead attack, and by then, it's too little, too late. You have to sit through atrocious acting and nothing notable happening. Also, the movie has characters who are supermodels, but none of them disrobe. Granted, it's hardly the first time an exploitation movie promised a lot but delivered little, but that's beyond the point. There's nothing interesting in the movie, and it feels too much like warmed over, reheated trash instead of entertaining trash. There's very little here that's interesting, while other Italian Zombie movies like Burial Ground and Zombi 2 remembered to bring the sleazy, gory goods.

"Dawn of the Mummy" is a waste of time for anyone and everyone involved, and isn't even worth watching drunk or stoned.

Rating:0.5/10 a very, very dull and painful viewing experience. Better than a shot on camcorder horror movie, but that's hardly a compliment.

On the table next: Hell of the Living Dead
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
×