10:30 p.m.
• Big ups to Al k, who directed me to this.
Don't you know that having Pork Chop mascots is one of the worst things you can do to a Musl... err, Puerto Rican male. Wait a second. What? When the hell did that become offensive? I have a lot of rap records and don't recall that term being used. Although there was a Short Chop on Ice Cube's one album. Wait a second, I stand corrected. It's
My bad yo.
• Big ups to me, who found this.
Don't you also know that advertising ham for Hanukkah consumption is one of the worst things you can do... oh who am I kidding? All a Jew will do is sue you. I guess they could also hire a hit man to get you, but this mercenary will be the lowest bidder so I'll take my chances.
• You two wanted each other. Enjoy.
Also, if two lesbians get a divorce, does the butch of the couple have to give everything over to the other one and live out of her car?
8 a.m.
• So I had on the Thursday night football game between the Bears and Redskins. Now I’m not one of those people going OMG NFL NETWORK ISN’T ON BASIC CABLE. Look, if you want this channel, then pay a few extra dollars and get it. I don’t watch Lifetime, but there are plenty of people out there who do. Plenty of battered women whose husbands left them and their five kids to be with the office secretary. Not everyone watches sports, which is why if you want more of a certain kind of programming then spend the extra money and knock yourself out. But that’s neither here nor there. I guess I’m getting ready for all the bitching that will take place if/when the Patriots finish their (possible) undefeated regular season on the NFL Network, much like with the Cowboys/Packers game earlier this year.
The reason I brought up the Thursday night game is that maybe it’s best for the NFL Network to be seen by a limited amount of people right now. Holy fuck is Bryant Gumbel awful. I get that not everybody likes Chris Collinsworth; he’s an acquired taste. He’s not my favorite announcer, but I can live with him. Gumbel is just horrible. When I watch something that is supposed to be apolitical, I try to give otherwise political people a chance. Hey, I think Keith Olberman should be strung up for that MSNBC show, but he’s still an excellent sports guy (in my opinion). Gumbel just pisses me off. What did it for me last night was when the Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell got hurt and was taken off the field. Later in the game it was reported he suffered a dislocated kneecap. It was also said that Redskins running back Clinton Portis had told Campbell’s father that he son was going to be OK. Gumbel then snidely makes a remark about Portis and his “medical license.” Fuck you, Bryant. Maybe he was just trying to make Campbell’s dad feel better. Ever think of that you piece of shit? I guess he should have said, "Boy, Mr. Campbell, your son sure is fucked."
What the-? The one line I’m looking for isn’t there.
Bring that beat back.
Bring the beat back.
Bring the beat back.
*wickywickywicky or whatever that DJ record-scratching sound is*
Much better. But the moment has pretty much passed. I tried looking on YouTube for a video to this musical masterpiece, but I had to settle for this other classic. It's sorta relevant to this topic. Yeah, I edited out the opening. Just another case of the white man's oppression.
And W…T…F….?
From the comments section:
True dat, omarkhalid, true dat.
11:45 p.m.
• If Smues can have his shitty entries, then so can I.
8:45 p.m.
• I heard a day or so ago on local radio that the Pirates were talking with the Cleveland Indians about trading Jason Bay. The talks have since died down. Why oh why does anyone buy a ticket to PNC Park?
• Got a second interview at another place tomorrow. Not sure if I feel like writing about this shit yet. After all, if I don’t get either job, what’s the point of talking about it. I think what sucks the most when job-hunting is that you research the company, you customize a resume/cover letter, if you’re lucky, you schedule the first interview, you prepare for the first interview, if you’re luckier you schedule and prepare the second interview. After all that and you don’t get hired, then it’s back to Square One. !@#%&*
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Dodie calls in and starts talking. Sorry, I was doing work and wasn’t paying much attention. Something about getting a house with her fiancée. Now Dr. Laura wasn’t yelling at this person, so I’m assuming she wasn’t living in sin. Well, when they went to the bank for a mortgage it was revealed that the fiancée had a considerable amount of debt. When asked about this – the lesser half said that he “forgot all about it.”
8 p.m.
• This one writes itself.
• Don't you know that not letting hospital beds face Mecca is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Actually, this one doesn't sound too bad -- at least when compared to the other instances Muslims have been mad. I guess the only jihad these people can wage is with their bedpans in this case. Even during my high school years, I often questioned the Bible-thumpers that wanted prayer in schools. My question always was, "Don't Muslims pray five times a day -- what would you do for them?" Looks like I'll be getting the answer to this question soon enough.
8:30 p.m.
• So I had my second job interview at one place today. Eh, I’ll talk more about this later if I feel like it. However, while I was out, I got a call from another place I interviewed at and it looks like I might be getting an offer. I’ve never had someone call me up and say, “thanks for the interview but we hired someone else.” Now this person could be calling me to say that whatever grant I will be mooching off of didn’t come through, but I’m such a hopeless optimist that I’ll just brush this under the rug. But in even bigger news, I finally got the four-volume James Bond DVD set. On sale. On a good sale. In addition to recent “Casino Royale.” Now I have to stash these away and wait until after Christmas just in case the better half got these for me. Hey, if she did and she got them on sale then I’ll be so proud and gladly return my set without her knowing.
• Those must be some good-ass prospects.
• OK, peep this headline.
So what do you think happened? Did the cooks spit in the stew? Put detergent in this entree? How about jacking off over it? Nope.
That's it? Chirst. God only knows what would have happened to me if I worked at this place. Just for the record, the jacking off into the pizza wasn't from me, although the other two incidents are. However, even though the beat-off pizza story is from secondhand information, I believe the person involved in this story would do such a thing.
Of course, I'm trying to find this video clip but all I'm coming up with is this, and unless there's animated tentacle rape I'm not watching anything from Japan. Well, excepted for stacked beef stew.
11:59 p.m.
• Well there's something I don't see every day. After Baltimore gave up the game-winning touchdown to New England, some player threw a fit, and a ref's yellow penalty marker, into the stands. This resulted in two 15-yard fouls, allowing the Patriots to kick the ball from Baltimore's 35-yard line. Weird. Man, I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the Ravens locker room after that game. Stopping a fourth and one to seal the deal and their one coach called a time out before the snap.
9:30 p.m.
• So I haven’t been paying attention to politics as of late. Am I bracing for a Democrat takeover or disgusted with the way Republicans act? Who knows. But I just listened to the latest IOWA STRAW POLL results showing Hitlery in second and Huckabee doing better than expected. Of course, this straw poll is still two months away. Jesus Christ. I think I’m now starting to understand why only half this country votes.
• So there are some who consider Jennifer Love Hewitt fat?
This is something I don’t understand. On one hand we’re being told that girls everywhere are near-suicidal because they aren’t able to look like the beanpole models found on magazine covers. However, we are facing an obesity epidemic. So which is it? Either way, I don’t care. The big question is, where are these pictures?
I can see how some thin freaks wouldn't like this, but if this were in front of 99 percent of guys out there, they would hit it without hesitation. However, I must admit that what I find more appealing about JLH aren't her looks but rather her paycheck. Do you have any idea how much she made for her role in "The Tuxedo"?
11:15 p.m.
• Let's see, you could have (see my 1 p.m. entry below for context)...
Ohio State v. USC in the Rose Bowl
West Virginia v. Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl
Hawaii v. Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl
LSU v. Georgia (or Missouri if you'd like) in the Sugar Bowl
Then there would be two semi-final games by the winners of the above-mentioned matchups and then finally a title contest between the final two standing.
Or you could just have LSU v. Ohio State. Yeah, that'll work.
1 p.m.
• Well, it's been a GREAT college football season, and since the anti-playoff queerbos say that a postseason isn't needed for Division 1A college football because the regular seaon is like one big playoff system, then hats off to this year's champion.
The 11-0 University of Hawaii Whatever-They're-Called
I admit it -- I know jack shit about college football. However, I did hear once that there are six BcS conferences. Why can't they just have the champs from each of these six conferences, give a slot to a non-conference team and another bid to an at-large team and have an eight-team playoff? The first round could be your hippie bowl games.
Rose Bowl: Big 10 champ vs. Pac 10 champ.
Orange Bowl: Big East vs. ACC champ.
Fiesta Bowl: Non BcS team vs. Big 12 champ.
Sugar Bowl: SEC champ vs. At large team.
Want to add a few more at-large teams or smaller conference champs? Fine. I don't care. As I said above, I know nothing about college football (among other things). I just spent 5 minutes searching Wikipedia and came up with a better way to determine a champion in big-time college football than what's being done now.
9:45 p.m.
• So last night I went to Red Robin for the first time ever. It opened up a year or so ago at the snazzy new Wal-Mart complex that replaced the dirt mall which was there. Did I say “dirt mall”? I meant “place of commerce that was just another victim to the EVIL Wal-Mart machine.” Anyway, this Robin place was one of those locations that the better half and I talked about going to one of these days but never got around to it. Until last night. Uh, it sells burgers. It has “bottomless fries,” although they Jew you on basket size so a second serving of these things is like one regular serving at any other chain eatery. I’ve heard stories about how great there burgers were, and being a burger guy I was looking forward to this saturated fat goodness. Eh, it’s a burger. No big deal. The real highlight though came with the white trash sitting in the booth across from us.
OK, people. If you are going to a restaurant for the first time, don’t be surprised if the food you order isn’t quite to your liking. I’m not saying to expect raw ground meat or burnt potato wedges. However, if the BREADING to your ONION RINGS wasn’t what you expected, don’t BITCH about it to the MANAGER and cause a scene. Jesus Christ. How about saying, “Excuse me, this is the first time I have eaten here and these onion rings aren’t what I expected. Would it be possible if you could please give me an order of fries instead?” Seeing how I hate onions, I didn’t look to see if this side dish was an extra charge or if it was a suitable substitute for the “bottomless” fries. But even if these things were an extra side dish, I’m sure these places understand the pitfalls of visiting an eatery for the first time and would have gladly removed this purchase from you bill. What I love about white trash like this is that they have all these lofty standards when they go out to eat at laymen restaurants, but I bet when they nuke their hot dogs at home that these items are either half-cooked or exploded all in the microwave. For the record, my crack-whore sister-in-law and out-of-control niece-in-law are two cretins that throw shit-fits at these places. Yeah, you shoot heroin into your veins, but you’ll have some cook in the back of Texas Roadhouse re-cook your steak three times because it was too undercooked. Guess what I, a first-time Red Robin customer, did when I got seated? I ordered something I knew I would like and kept the menu to look over while my burger was being made so I could get a better idea of what is available the next time I stop by.
Oh, and last night I also got fitted for two suit outfits at some tailor place that was having an uber-sale. Jacket, pants, shirt, tie: $199, plus $25 for tailoring adjustments. Holy fuck was this a great deal. What made me laugh was when the tailor lady was asking me what colors I preferred. I don’t know. I’m a guy. I wear black and white. You know why? You can’t go wrong with black and white. You don’t have to fret about the hue of a yellow-and-blue tie conflicting with a darkish blue sport coat. Hell, I don’t even know if this is an acceptable color combination to start out with. Know what I do? I wear a black jacket and white shirt. Well I ended up getting a gray suit and a black suit with some shirt and tie combinations that I already forgot what they looked like. I think this lady thought I was unemployed because when she asked what the occasion was for these outfits I said “job interview.” Later on when I talked with Mrs. kkk about getting a second outfit, the lady mentioned that they have a layaway plan. She also made a big deal about finding the right look for me to get this job I’m interviewing for. I had to let her know that if I don’t get this job, it sure as heck won’t be because of my wardrobe.
After the wardrobe purchase we bought some dry cat food for the kids. But this isn’t the regular Jew cat food. This is the super-special diet mix. Well, this stuff was on sale half off so we bought the last two bags of "indoor formula" that was on the shelf." The better half also bought some 100-screwdriver bit sale at Lowe’s for her dad and also for herself. This was also on sale, so all in all, especially after adding a trip to Sam's Club for essentials, it was a good night for saving.
11:45 p.m.
I appreciate the effort, but next time can you wait until the Big Cheese stops by first?
Then again, maybe this guy is another left-wing spy.
I remember a while back reading something on the Media Research Center's website about some people quoted in the LEFTWINGMAINSTREAMLIBERALPRESS as regular citizens but were actually Democrat activists. If I ever feel motivated, I might see if I can find these stories.
10 p.m.
• Time for the rest of this week's pickkks.
Atlanta @ St. Louis (4.5)
Yay. St. Louis is on a hot streak of sorts, which of course now means they'll blow one. Whatever. I'm still a sucker.
Buffalo @ Washington (5.5)
Hmm, will this be one of those "win for the dead guy" games? Sure. I'm still a sucker. Oh, and count me in as someone who doesn't think Sean Taylor's death was was a random act of violence.
Detroit @ Minnesota (3.5)
Ha. I laugh when I think back to when some people took the Lions as playoff contenders. Now they're underdogs at Minnesota. Ha. I'm taking them. Why?
Houston @ Tennessee (4.5)
Hmm, Young hasn't been playing good as of late. I'll guess that the Titans are one of those "falter during the final stretch teams" for this season.
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis (6.5)
I'm hoping the Colts still have some rust from the last few weeks. Hey, even Atlanta was up on them by double digits at one point on Thanksgiving.
N.Y. Jets @ Miami (1.5)
An unbeaten team FAVORED? This is great. If Miami loses this week, I shudder as to who this team can beat.
(5.5) San Diego @ Kansas City
Here's hoping the Chiefs don't decide to make it close.
Seattle @ Philadelphia (3.5)
I'm wondering if the Eagles loss to the Pats was a kick-start for this team. Well, here's hoping.
San Francisco @ Carolina (2.5)
Will the Panthers ever win at home? Here's hoping "no" for one more week.
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (3.5)
Fuck the Saints. Lose and go away from the NFC playoff picture.
Cleveland @ Arizona (1.5)
This might have the potential to be a hella good game on the offensive side of things. Who would have thought that at the start of the season?
(3.5) Denver @ Oakland
It's the Raiders. For some reason they seem like they should be better than their three-win record. Maybe it's because they played in some close games. OK, time to see if I know what I'm talking about or pulling this out of my rear end.
Week 1: 21-36
Week 2: 20-23
Week 3: 26-24
Week 4: 35-17
Week 5: BYE
Week 6: 14-28
Week 7: 10-12
Week 8: 9-13
Week 9: 17-24 Eh, the Raiders scored a touchdown with 1:30 left. I'm not counting this one as a "close loss."
Week 10: 6-17
Week 11: 22-29
Week 12: 20-17
So seven of the dozen contests were either wins or games that were close in score. I'm taking this one.
Week 13:
(1.5) N.Y. Giants @ Chicago
Come on G-men, collapse.
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh (7.5)
Neither team beats the other at home. Steelers are also without some key players. Also, I just heard fullback Dan Krieder is out with an ACL tear. Here's hoping he can rehab himself onto another team next year. He'll be a free agent and doesn't really fit anymore into the Steelers' plans. I liked him.
(20.5) New England @ Baltimore
Damn you New England for having a close game. Don't burn me again.
9:15 p.m.
• Here’s a work story, but it doesn’t involve me~! Long story short: Mrs. kkk works in the realm of academia. ‘Nuff said. Here’s the latest reenactment of her workplace.
Boss: “OMG Does our work study person have enough work!? I don’t want her just sitting around doing nothing.”
Better Half: “The work study student (Jenna) has plenty of work to do. She’s entering in all the data we’re giving her, and she’s doing a good job. She has to still do data entry from our interviews from the last two weeks.”
Boss: “OMG I hope we’re not overworking her.”
Better Half: “WTF.”
Don’t you love this shit? And apparently Mrs. kkk’s boss asks her about this, along with several other ongoing micromanaging issues, multiple times a day. My solution was to have Jenna document everything she does and give it to the boss either at the end of a work shift or at the start of next day’s work. Of course, the boss doesn’t want to do that. I guess freaking out 20 times per day is preferable. And this woman makes six figures. The boss, not the better half.
• Uh oh.
I've worked third-shift for a number of years, including a number of shifts where I didn't get home or go off to work in the middle of the night.
6:15 p.m.
• Quick pickkks, err, pickkk.
Green Bay @ Dallas (7.5). Normally I'd go with Dallas but this spread is too big to pass up. Watch it be a blowout.
8:35 p.m.
• Uh, OK.
I have nothing more to say about this. Hmm, maybe I can Google "Zoey Zane." Nope. Guess I found out about this too late. Shame, and she was a spunky little teen with a super sexy side!
• BAM~! Hey, it's no worse than how the AP started out their story of Emeril's show getting canned.
I never watched his show and never cared to. He probably got burnout or something. Hey, he'll still be doing stuff for the Food Network so all's good -- or at least it seems.
12 a.m.
• One little side from my recent interview stories. When I was in-between interviews on Monday, I had lunch, drove into downtown Shittsburgh (where the second interview was located), parked in the garage, lounged in the car for a while listening to music and then ventured out in public. I found the building that I was to enter but I still had about 45 minutes to kill. Because of this I went into a nearby public library. Jesus Christ. No wonder I try to stay away from as many "public" things as possible. How do these people live their lives the way they do. The building didn't seem that dilapidated but the people inside literally stunk up the joint.
And then I went into the men’s restroom.
Here’s all I have to say – there was a sign on the men’s room door that read, “No shaving, laundering or bathing.” And all the stalls were filled. Normally I can get in and out when going number one with a single breath, but this time I actually had to breathe in the potty room air. Gag.
11 p.m.
• So today I had the day off work (actually, I won’t be going in until Thursday) and had two job interviews lined up. Oddly enough, I think each one went well for me, with the second interview human resources person asking me back for a second round with some bigwigs. Could this be the light at the end of the tunnel? I dunno. Even though both jobs aren’t quite what I went to college for, each position is similar enough to what I’ve been doing the last 7-8 years. Not sure what’ll happen in the next week or two, but I might be saying “see ya” to my current place of employment in the not-too-distant future. Now that would be a great Christmas gift.
• The better half finally got me to watch “Knocked up.” Eh, it was there. Much like “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” the movie was better than I thought it would be, but it seemed way too long. And fuck that blonde-haired bitch for getting pissed because the guy was afraid of hitting the fetus with his dick while having sex. I’m sorry but if Mrs. kkk was ever preggers I know I’d be freaked out sticking anything near kkk Jr. (or whoever the baby’s daddy is). Yeah, I know nothing will happen to the kid, but I’m sorry: just the thought of giving your kid a money shot just gives me the heebie jeebies.
• Speaking of movies, I recently DVR’d some crap and finally got around to seeing these cinematic masterpieces. The first was “Drive Thru.” Holy fuck was this awful. But in a good way.
My favorite part came at the start when these wiggers were going to bust a cap in ol’ Horny’s backside, and when the Clown was about to wack the white kid with a shirt that reads “Illest” he says something like “My dad will give you anything – he’s rich.” Oh, and Morgan Spurlock is a fast-food restaurant manager. Do I need to go on? And there’s a LOT of liberal hippie crap, too. Because I know when I’m watching a Horny the Clown movie, I want to get the director’s opinion of our president. Actually, I find it hilarious when a movie/tv show has a close-up of the bad guy or a bumbling idiot with a picture of W. in the background.
The second movie was Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain. All I really need to say about this one has been covered in an attempted “100 things we learned from watching…” threads in the IMDB boards. My favorite was 96.
2:15 p.m.
• So yesterday I stopped with my Target trip. Our two primary stores were Kohl’s and Target, and with these two gone we just decided to visit other stores just for the heck of it. There were a few more things on our list, but these items probably weren’t going to be on sale and in all likelihood still on the shelves by the time we come around to them.
As we drove from Target out toward some other stores in Greensburg, Mrs. kkk asked if we could go to Lowe’s and get some Christmas decoration for the house. Whatever. We pulled in and she went into Lowe’s while I went into that area’s Target store. I already made my purchases so this was more for recon purposes. Even with a story in my neck of the woods siphoning off customers, this place was still pretty packed. This only reinforced my theory of never going to a Wal-Mart to start off the Black Friday season. Good God I can only imagine the white trash running roughshod over there. Anyway, the reason I mention this event is because the highlight of my day came while at this store. While walking down this one aisle there were these two obese older people walking and the wife was screaming at the husband, and I just had to eavesdrop. Wait, fuck that. This wasn’t eavesdropping. I was in a public place and they were yelling. You can’t help but not hear what they were saying. I’m not sure what happened, but I guess they had planned a certain shopping strategy but the guy screwed it up. And they don’t own cell phones. The best line went something like, “I was waiting FORVER and I couldn’t reach you because you’re too damn cheap to get a cell phone!” My God was this hilarious. And I wasn’t the only one listening. As I turned my head this Asian chick walking beside me was also unsuccessfully trying to hold back her laughter. I made the remark, “Gee, I wonder why he wouldn’t her to be in contact with him 24/7 with a cell phone,” which got a legit LOL from her. After a walk around the store, I went into Lowe’s, met Mrs. kkk while she bought her thing and heard her plans for the next 10 home improvement projects she has in store for our house. Yay. Too bad I won’t be doing any of that shit. Total purchase: $21. No discount.
After that was Wal-Mart. Like I said earlier, I would NEVER go into one of these stores to start out my Black Friday shopping. I’ve seen Internet video of these mobs and I’ll pass. I’m not one who tends to get trampled but why expend all that extra energy holding your ground when it can be applied to better things? Generally, once it’s past 8 a.m. the Wal-Mart around me tends to clear out. We swooped in and bought a bunch of DVDs for us and for some family members. Total purchase: $55. Savings: $80.
After Wal-Mart we walked into a few stores that is also in this area’s shopping center but didn’t purchase anything. I did want to stop at a nearby Big Lots, of which I am not a regular customer. I now have come to the following conclusion: Wal-Mart isn’t the pinnacle of white trash consumerism, at least in my region. Holy hell was this place open up my eyes. As I walked in I noted the plethora of “warning/recall” flyers posted about products this store sells. Then the customers too poor for Wal-Mart. Yikes. And the gifts. Beer Pong. Nice. Of course, I found this cheap crap for my mother that she will think I spent all day shopping for. Wait, she can’t be that naïve. Then again, this is the same woman that allowed my father to impregnate her. Mrs. kkk bought some extra garland and I got some cheap-ass stickers. Total cost. $21. No idea what I saved. I know many of my fellow customers saved on deodorant because they didn’t use any. And there’s something to say about visible tramp stamps when a woman is trying to control her brood. Wait, does this make me a Big Lots shopper? Fuck.
Next stop was the mall and by this time I was beginning to crash, which usually happens to me at the 10-11 a.m. mark. I was in no mood to browse the department stores, which was a shame because I actually wanted to this year. However, we still had to go to Monroeville for some specific gifts. We went to Suncoast for some hard-to-get movie of the nephew-in-law, along with a few other titles that were on “sale.” Total cost. $28. Total “savings:” $13. I really don’t like Suncoast but they’re not bad for older movies if you don’t feel like ordering it online. Actually, while going through their TV on DVD bin, I had to laugh when I saw this “Married With Children” box. Among the SPEICAL FEATURES included “10 hidden easter eggs.” Uh, if you promote these things on your cover, aren’t they no longer “hidden”? I won’t go into detail about my opinion regarding easter eggs here, but at least now you know what makes me chuckle after 7+ hours worth of shopping.
After perusing the Westmoreland Mall, we headed to Toys R Us for some gifts that I can’t remember. All I know is that the final bill was $43 for a Cabbage Patch Doll and video game. Oh well, at least the video game was $20 off. Many, Toys R Us is another store I can’t imagine starting out at when it’s 6 a.m. Oh, speaking of Toys R Us, here’s a funny story I just remembered from the mall. We went into Kay B because the better half wanted something for this crumb snatcher that one of her friends squirted out a few years back. I had no desire to browse at this place because lots of customers and tight aisles don’t make a good combination. I told her that I’d start waiting in line while she looked for her toy. Much to Kay B’s credit, the line moved rather fast, and I was actually letting people go past me because Mrs. kkk was nowhere in sight. (A few customers actually complimented me on this idea of having one person wait in line while another person looks and said they’ll probably employ this strategy elsewhere.) Well, the better half finally stormed over and said we were leaving. OK then. As we were walking out was bitching about how none of the employees there knew where anything was and she gave up on looking for this thing. I defended the employees by saying this was probably the wrong time to start asking specific questions about item placement and the like. Sorry, but unless the item in question is a front-page “door buster” item you won’t get much help. Sorry, that’s the way it is. Hey, this is Black Friday and we’re dealing with customer service. This isn’t FEMA after a hurricane. OMGBUSHLIEDBLACKPEOPLEDIEDANDGOTEATENINTHESUPERDOME~!
Where was I? Oh, yeah. We then went to Best Buy and I was pleasantly surprised that this place had died down. I was expecting this store to be a madhouse because this store usually has the long customer lines well into the day. And to make matters better, there were a number of uber-priced DVDs still available. In widescreen. We got a few things for some nieces and nephews, along with a few things for ourselves. Total price: $111. Total savings: $30.
After a return stop to Wal-Mart to get some gift cards that I forgot to pick up the first time ($75), it was off to Monroeville. The first stop was to a specialty craft store to pick up some model car for my one nephew-in-law who I hope to work for in some high-paying/remedial position in his company once he graduates college 10-15 years from now. Christ, this kid is smarter than me and he’s in middle school. Then again, that’s not saying much. Anyway, we spent $17 dollars there and also $31 dollars at a craft store to get the stuff that Mrs. kkk wasn’t able to get at Kay B. Hey, we saved $30 on some easel thingy, so yay. While we were in the neighborhood, we stopped by this town’s local mall and didn’t get anything. Wait, I lied. We did get something. There was a kiosk peddling these tickets for some hippie Shittsburgh cultural shows. Basically the deal was $95 for a pair of tickets in the best section of the auditorium with the gift recipient able to select from one of five different shows this upcoming summer. Not sure what the savings, if any, are for this, but it was a great gift idea and now we don’t have to worry about Mrs. kkk’s boss. Plus the better half will be splitting the price with her other co-worker, so this would only be $50 for us.
Final numbers. Approximate Black Friday purchases: $750. Approximate savings: $570. Not bad, especially considering the number of non-holiday/gift-card/non-discounted purchases made. And I still have a month to fish out other deals.
6 p.m.
• So I started out by waking up at 2:45 a.m. to get ready for a 4 a.m. opening at Kohl’s. The store is only 15 minutes away, but I knew I wasn’t getting my ass up the first time my alarm clock went off. Especially since I ate a bunch of turkey the night before and watched the night game with the Colts at Atlanta. After hitting the snooze alarm a half-dozen or so times, I took my shower. Even the cats were surprised at how early I was getting up. We I get up for work at 5:15 a.m., that usually causes them to mill about until they get fed breakfast. This time they just laid in place until I got out of the shower and put their food in their dishes.
I knew waking up the better half was going to be a challenge, and I was right. She’s not exactly what you call a “morning person.” Now I’m not really an early bird riser myself, but when you get up 5-6 times a week at 5 a.m. in order to pay your mortgage and put food on the table you adjust. Well, Mrs. kkk doesn’t. When I turned on my nightstand lamp to put in my contacts, I woke her up. Now I have no idea what she was trying to say because she was mostly whining in foreign tongues. However, she did get up, get dressed and was in the car when I left for Kohl’s at 3:40 a.m.
I was curious to see how many people would wake up even earlier from the last time I took part in Black Friday. In 2005 Kohl’s was open at 5 a.m. (one hour earlier than most, if not all, the other local stores in my area) – now they were opening at 4 a.m. This should be an interesting social experiment. Well, the parking lot was near-full when we pulled in at 6 a.m. OK, so it’s going to be busy, but not “Best Buy” busy. I told the better half to get her target gift basket and I was going to go after my shoes that I had lined up. When we both got what we wanted, we’d look around before checking out. Well, I got to the shoe section, and I found the shoes I was looking for. However, my worst fears came to fruition. These shoes weren’t comfortable. I knew there was a catch. No problem, there was another brand that caught my eye, and although they were a bit more expensive, the quality was more than worth the extra few dollars. Besides, I was still saving $28 per pair (I bought two pair – one brown, one black). I met Mrs. kkk and we proceeded to get in line – a line that was halfway around the store. I knew this would happen, but because of my extra dilly-dallying we would have to wait in line a bit more than I had expected. It was then I discovered a terrible oversight.
I forgot my wallet.
Oh you got to be shitting me. Here's what happened. On Turkey Day I was over the in-laws’ house. My crack-whore niece-in-law was at this event. My crack-whore niece-in-law is a thief (she got busted while a teen at Wal-Mart). I kept my wallet at home. I forgot to put my wallet back in my coat pocket. Shit. Well, I told Mrs. kkk that I was going to zip home and get the wallet while she stayed in line. She asked if there would be enough time. I assured her there would be. I was right.
When I got back, the better half was “happily” waiting in line. I took this time to explore a few departments and found a nice deal on this press-iron-thingy that could be of great use. After the better half took a few DVDs off the impulse rack for her one non-crack-whore niece, our total bill was $165 with $205 in savings. We arrived at 4 a.m. and left the store together at 5:30 a.m. Good score. We got several things that were high on our priority list (shoes, gift basket), were able to get something that was likely to be off the shelves right away (gift basket for a better half’s co-worker – Mrs. kkk noted that there were only two left on the shelves at just past 5 a.m.), found a great deal on something that I didn’t see until we actually got in the store (press iron thingy) and managed to get one item crossed off on one niece-in-law’s list (DVD). The first store is, in my opinion, is always the most important. Here’s what I look for when picking a “first store.” My answers to each question are in italics.
1) If you were to visit later in the day, will the items you covet the most at this place be sold out? As I said above, I new the gift baskets would be gone, and I wasn’t sure about the shoes.
2) Is this first store near other stores that you can immediately plunder visit? There’s a Target in the same shopping center complex as Kohl’s, and this store wasn’t opening until 5 a.m. Perfect timing, especially since there are several items at Target that are high on my list of things-to-get.
3) Will the wait in line, which will be long, be worth what you get? I saved $205 while spending $165. Works for me.
4) Who are the customers surrounding you? There’s a reason I don’t go to Wal-Mart for my first store on Black Friday.
As we got into the car and headed over to Target, I thought it was odd that the store’s parking lot wasn’t at all full. That’s weird, the store is closed. The flyer said doors will open at 5 a.m. and it’s now 5:30 a.m. Hey, now I see people waiting outside. What the hell? Wait a second, I’m looking at Target’s Black Friday circular. Shit, I misread the “doors opening” line. It’s 6 a.m., not 5 a.m. Actually, this just might play into our favor. With the time being 5:30, this will give us time to visit the nearby Dunkin’ Donuts, get a flavored coffee and bagel and awaken our senses to what is probably going to be one of the more challenging excursions of the day. And once, again, I was right.
The good news is that with this Target opening up, it probably sucked away some customers from the Target about 10-15 minutes farther on down the road in nearby Greensburg. Less customers, more available products. Good. I remember the last few times I went to Greensburg Target on Black Friday the lines were insane. Well, this year’s experience is a perfect reason why I try not to use a cart. Unless a product is so f’n heavy that you can’t pick it up and carry it, steer free of carts. That mobility is crucial when zipping in and out of aisles. This year was no exception. One of the big items available were these video game chairs, and some soccer moms had 2-3 in their carts. With so many people using carts, there was literal gridlock in the electronics/toy department. I swear to Christ it was like New York City’s rush hour. Nobody could move and I heard a familiar phrase, “Oh, I’m so sorry for running into you.” I guess this is how EricMM must feel when riding his organic bike and seeing SUV’s own the road. However, I’m not one for requiring a “sales cart” tax or similar fascist measures. Instead, I take advantage of my mobility and cut in and out of traffic lanes hell-bent on getting my prized items for this stop: one of those above-mentioned video game chairs, some remote controlled helicopter and a bunch of DVDs.
While scanning the possibilities of trying to maneuver in the toy department, I came across this middle-aged guy who probably wasn’t used to this insanity. He made a remark to me about how crazy this experience was, which prompted me to say something like, “if it wasn’t for those pesky social mores I would lift my arms into attack formation and plow down some of these people in front of me.” He response was that this congestion reminded him of the Parkway East, which got a laugh from both of us. Fortunately for him, he reached one of the end aisles to the toy department and snagged some doll thing which must have been a popular seller because there were only a few left. I said “congratulations,” which elicited the response, “this was the only thing I came in here to get.” Well, at least he got what he was gunning for. I was able to weave in and out of stagnant cart-pushers, and get that helicopter-thing. Fortunately, the video game chair was in a spot away from the congestion, so I picked that up and headed to the register. As I met up with the better half, I noticed that the checkout lines weren’t bad at all, which was a bit of a surprise. This then caused me to say, “I’m going back in – wait for me.” Due to my agility advantage over most of my fellow shoppers, I bobbed and weaved through the masses to the DVD section and snagged eight DVDs/TV seasons/value packs I had in my sights, including a few that Mrs. kkk couldn’t find in widescreen format. (Her goal in Target was to get a few DVDs, which is what she did while I was on my “chopper” hunt.)
Total bill for Target: $142. Total savings: $193.
But there’s more…
9 p.m.
• So today was Black Friday, and I swear to Christ this is my favorite time of the year. And why wouldn’t it be? Most social uppity-ups tend to bitch about this day because it shows the general public as a bunch of greedy, materialistic malcontents. And to this I say: so what? Look, I’m not advocating trampling over some blue-hair to get a $20 DVD player (unless of course she tries to take it out of your hands). Shit, that $20 DVD player will probably break down after two hours, but that’s not the point. There’s stuff out there. You want it. It’s cheap. Do what you want. And that’s just what I did this morning.
I am a novice in the grand scheme of things when it comes to Black Friday. I started taking part in this annual event a few years ago, and last year I sat it out due to money matters. However, I was back on the wagon this year and in full force with Mrs. kkk. Now, I got my battle plans on Turkey Day when the local newspaper packed its holiday edition with the pages upon pages of colorful ads promoting “door buster” savings and “unbeatable” deals. As I scanned through the ads I took note as to what those on my Christmas list had on their Christmas list, but more importantly I took note as to what I wanted. Yes, much of my Black Friday shopping is for me. I have no kids. My family is almost non-existent. Friends? Nigga plz. Co-workers? I asked my current place of employment about the general attitude toward gift-giving back in 2004 and almost had my head snapped off. So Black Friday is My Friday.
As I said before, I’m not a seasoned vet at doing this early morning shopping thing, but I do consider myself to be a fast learner. Back in 2004 I started out at Best Buy when the clock turned 6 a.m. and that was a total disaster. A huge-ass crowd, disorganized lines, products that weren’t worth the wait. In 2005 I decided to begin at the nearby Kohl’s, which was a better idea because, if memory serves, this store was open at 5 a.m., one hour before everyone else. This year I decided to start out at Kohl’s again. Not only was this Kohl’s now going to be open at 4 A.M. but also there were some shoes that caught my eye and were deeply discounted. The better half also wanted to get a $70 gift basket that was discounted to $20. My theory was that by striking here early, this would give us enough time to scoot over to Target, which was recently built in the same complex as the above-mentioned Kohl’s. After this, we would head out down the road to Wal-Mart, several other stores of interest, the local mall, Best Buy, followed by a trip to another nearby community where there were several stores Mrs. kkk wanted to visit. Sounds good, but did everything go as planned? Were there some flies in the ointment? Was there enough Jew in me to sniff out the real bargains from the bargains-in-name-only?
You’ll have to find out tomorrow. Because I’ve been up since 2:45 a.m. and I’m tired. Real tired.
10:15 a.m.
• Well, in two-and-a-half hours I will be over the in-laws place for another Thanksgiving excursion. Yay. Actually, the last few years haven’t been that bad. We show up, Mrs. kkk has me carry these nasty veggie dishes in, along with a dessert or two that’s much more tolerable, and we eat. Also included in this meal are the brother-in-law, along with his wife and two kids. Not a bad day. Years ago, the crack-whore sister-in-law and the out-of-control niece took part. However, ever since the crack-whore sister-in-law really hit rock bottom a few years ago (and decided to stay there) she hasn’t been attending, which isn’t a bad thing. Actually, the first time she boycotted us we all commented that this was the best Turkey Day outing in recent memory. The highlight came at about 1:15 p.m. when the crack-whore called and asked my father-in-law if he was still going to pick her up the next day to go to a laundromat that’s only a block or two down from her ghetto apartment complex. She then expressed shock that she called in the midst of us eating, even though the in-law have always had Thanksgiving “dinner” at 1 p.m.
Well this year is going to be extra special because the crack-whore out-of-control niece is scheduled to attend with her boyfriend. Oh yay. Months ago she moved out of the in-laws residence and the crashing and burning has been going strong. I can’t remember the last time I saw this person, but I remember that the last time I did I commented on how “downhill” she has fallen. Please note I said this out of joy rather than pity because once the crack-whore sister-in-law meets that kidney dialysis machine in the sky we need someone else to pick up the torch and give me plenty of white trash stories to tell to you all. However, I must admit I think the out-of-control niece-in-law will probably die sometime soon and the crack-whore sister-in-law will outlive me. But that’s neither here nor there. It’ll be interesting to see how many people shun her at this event. I also know that I won’t be bringing my wallet.
Over the last few weeks, the niece-in-law has been dropping hints to my mother-in-law about wanting to come back to her house. Much to my surprise, the mother-in-law has stood firm, or at least as firm as she can. The only victim in this whole story is the poor kitten the niece-in-law has adopted a few months back that has (I’m sure) gone without its shots and other related vet care. Every time I hear a story about the niece-in-law – whether it’s getting busted for crack, getting busted for a domestic disturbance or getting warrants for not appearing in court, my first and only reaction is “but is the cat OK?”
On a somewhat related note, here’s a story about other in-laws that I have to see once or twice every year. The welfare collecting in-law relatives that host that Memorial Day cookout recently complained about having to cook a Thanksgiving Day meal. This caused the welfare collecting test tube family (think toothless Mexican) to invite them over to their house for Turkey Day. The matriarch of the test tube bunch then went out and bought used food stamps to get a bunch of food. I knew trouble was brewing when the Memorial Day welfare household then went out and got a Thanksgiving turkey anyway late last week (the reason given for this was because they wanted “leftovers). The test tube family then got a message on their answering machine at 10:45 p.m. on Monday from the other welfare family saying that they weren’t going to attend because …. It was supposed to rain on Thanksgiving and they didn’t want to get wet. No, I’m not making this up. Why would I have to when you’ve got material like this to use?
10 a.m.
• Time for Turkkkey Day Pickkks.
(3.5) Green Bay at Detroit. Christ, I don’t know how to take this one. Green Bay should win. However, the Lions have played a tough game or two on Turkey Day game. Every fiber of my being is telling me to bold “Green Bay,” but like an idiot I am not.
N.Y. Jets at Dallas. (14.5) I don’t see the Jets upsetting two playoff teams in a row. However, I have to say Rush may have had a point this past week when he said to a caller that the Jets players got pissed when they saw as many Steeler fans at that game than hometown fans. I have admit I knew my chances of the Steelers winning by 10+ points were dashed after that trick play (flea-flicker?), but I couldn’t help but laugh to hear all the boos that sprung forth after that play was successfully executed.
(11.5) Indianapolis at Atlanta. I actually had to pause when making this decision. Could Atlanta pull off the upset and lose by single digits? Well, I went with Detroit earlier, so I need to salvage this day.
Buffalo at Jacksonville (7.5). Jacksonville seems to resemble the Steelers in that they tend to play down to their competition at times. Here’s hoping this is one of those instances.
Denver at Chicago (2.5). The Broncos have been my bane this season so I’m picking them, which only means they’ll lose big.
Houston at Cleveland. 3.5 Houston started out OK, then sputtered. I’ll go with the Browns because they still have a legit shot at winning the AFC North. Wow, who would have thought about that in August?
Minnesota at N.Y. Giants (7.5). Here’s hoping the Vagiants begin that late-season collapse they are famous for.
New Orleans (3.5) at Carolina. The Saints lose a bunch of games. Then win a bunch. Now they’ve lost a few. Too bad the Panthers are terrible at home.
Oakland at Kansas City. (5.5) I’ve tried the “they have to win SOME TIME” line of thought with the Raiders. I’ve given up. I guess they were content with winning their season’s quota of games early on and coasting to the rest of the way toward the top pick in next year’s draft.
(3.5) Seattle at St. Louis. The Rams winning streak ends.
(1.5) Tennessee at Cincinnati. I’m calling the upset baby. No reason.
Washington at Tampa Bay. (3.5) Hmm, I’m getting nothing from this one. Tampa’s favored. They seem to be doing OK for an NFC South team. Sure, I’ll take ‘em.
San Francisco at Arizona. (10.5) What the hell happened to the 49ers? I was actually rooting for them to win the division because I’m sick of seeing Seattle in the playoffs. I can’t wait to see how the Cardinals will look next year with Fanaca anchoring that line.
Baltimore at San Diego (9.5). Both teams have boned me this year. I’d take San Diego to win, but not by that spread.
Philadelphia at New England. (22.5) This is getting hilarious. I’m sorry, but I tried to come up with a reason to bet against the Pats. I couldn’t.
Miami at Pittsburgh. (15.5) I’m hoping this is a “bounce back” game for the Steelers. I wonder if Joey Porter will do something special in this contest for the Dolphins?
3 p.m.
• What a proud day for my people.
Then again, after it's all said and done, I'm sure each of them will be getting about $20.
I wonder if this incident was part of the HATE CRIME stats that are rising?
LOL at the BBC surprised at this news. Yeah, there's no racism at all up north. Somebody didn't see "Gangs of New York."
10 p.m.
• Oh man. If the Muslims weren't pissed off at us already, wait until this shit starts showing up on their televisions. (Allah lets them own TV sets, right?)
LOL at the quote in the last paragraph. You just don't want to get your head chopped off. Yeah, MTV will start out by playing videos, but then you guys will soon have "Real Worlds" "Road Rules" and all that other crap that has spawned long after I stopped watching this station. Then again, I'd love to see those "Sweet 16" shows. "Abia wanted something special for her 16th birthday, but when we went shopping for burkas for the big day a man from across the street looked at her, which is the worst thing you can do to a Muslim father. So we stoned her and gave the offending oogler a goat."
• Wait, so now cBS news writers are on strike?
And here I thought all the comedy/fictional writers were already walking the picket line in Tinseltown.
8 p.m.
• The better half and I have to take our newer car for its annual inspection in a few months. I talked a while back about going to this one regular place with our 1988 Corsica that’s about ready to go to the big junkyard up in the sky, and the inspection guy said this car needed a whole bunch of work. Oh hell, I’m too lazy to type all this shit up again.
Well now it’s time for the newer car to get inspected. Mrs. kkk wanted to go to another inspection place because of what the above-mentioned auto shop supposedly did to rip us off. One problem. The place that she wanted to go charges $50 dollars just to get in the door. Now she was flipping out about this but I wasn’t. More power to this guy. Look, if he can maintain a large enough client base with charging $50 upfront he must be doing something right. Mrs. kkk then asked if I wanted to take the car to him. “Hell no,” I said. “There may be people that will pay $50 for the privilege of this guy looking at their car, but I’m not one of those people.” We’re going back to the first mechanic since the newer car is still under warranty and if anything major is needed (which is unlikely) then we’ll just go somewhere else.
9 p.m.
• Yet another reason why I don’t want kids. The other day while talking about Swift Terror’s latest download, I made some remark to the better half about keeping kkk Jr. in his crib out in the living room while I played Madden. Her response, “I’d be OK with that.” Oh hell no we’re not having kids.
• Fuck this shit. Blast away, po-pos.
I’m so sick of hearing this shit about “OMG HE DIDN’T HAVE A GUN WHY DID YOU SHOOT?” Don’t want to get shot? When the cops show up and tell you to get on the ground, do that. I know it’s crazy, but try it.
6 a.m.
• Pickkks. Go.
Arizona @ Cincinnati (3.5)
I don’t know. I saw Kurt Warner on Jim Rome’s ESPN show this week. Does he have “Jungle Karma” for his TV show?
Carolina @ Green Bay (9.5)
No clue as to who is injured on the Panthers. They’ve screwed me over during the last few years so fuck them.
(3.5) Cleveland @ Baltimore
The Browns are playing MUCH better, but I’m praying the Ravens can eek out a win or close loss at home in a divisional contest. Then again, that didn’t bode well for me last time they played.
Kansas City @ Indianapolis (14.5)
Indy’s lost two in a row. Dwight Freeney is out. I heard that KC is first in the NFC West. Here’s hoping this is a “bounce back” game.
Miami @ Philadelphia (10.5)
The Dolphins HAVE to win sometime – or at least not lose in double digits. Don’t they?
(16.5) New England @ Buffalo
OK, Buffalo, prove me right in picking you to lose to the Patriots by less than two touchdowns.
New Orleans @ Houston (0.5)
Here’s hoping the Saints bounce back from that loss last week to the formerly winless Rams. I’m sure somebody’s hurt on the Texans.
Oakland @ Minnesota (5.5)
Adrian Peterson is out. Come on, Raiders. You can do this.
(10.5) Pittsburgh @ N.Y. Jets
I heard the Jets running defense was last in the NFL. Look how good that was for me when the Steelers played Denver. Still think they’ll win. And score 27 points.
San Diego @ Jacksonville (2.5)
Isn’t someone from the Jags out due to roids?
(3.5) Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
I can’t remember much about the Buccaneers. Are they supposed to contend for their divison?
Washington @ Dallas (10.5)
The Cowboys have been mostly reliable for me this year.
(2.5) N.Y. Giants @ Detroit
I still can’t take Detroit seriously. Not like I do for the Giants, either.
(3.5) St. Louis @ San Francisco
A one-win team favored. On the road? And I’m taking it?
Chicago @ Seattle (5.5)
Something is telling me to go with the Bears here. Don’t know why.
Tennessee @ Denver (2.5)
Eh, I’ll still go with the Titans. I like Vince Young if only for his public statements and the fact he beat a bunch of USC queers a few years back. I still find it funny that one of them is now his running back and the former offensive coordinator of that university is one of his coaches. He still is, right?
10 p.m.
• Detroit? You don't say.
• Don't you know that not allowing a cherry to pop on a person's wedding night is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male? From across the Pond.
8:30 p.m.
• So I just got back from watching "Beowolf" movie. And just how many marriages does Angelina Jolie destroy? God almighty. And for the last week or so the better half has been going batshit over this thing. "OMG it's all in CGI. OMG OMG OMG." No big deal, I thought. Bunch of special effects. Then several minutes in I notice the whole thing looks like a Pixar movie. "What is this shit?" I say.
"It's all CGI. I told you this."
"The WHOLE thing?"
"Yes. Don't you ever listen to anything I say?"
It was there. Didn't read the book/poem/whatever. Don't care.
4:45 p.m.
• So Swift Terror’s wife just popped out a kid. Here’s how the conversation between me and Mrs. kkk took place when I told her the news.
“Mrs. Terror just squirted out a kid.”
“What? They weren’t due for another few weeks. What happened?”
“Dunno.”
“What sex is it?”
“Dunno. Looked like a boy.”
“What is his name?”
“Dunno. But there was a name on a card/poster in one of the pictures he sent me.”
"What was it?"
"Dunno."
And here’s a conversation we had about the baby monitor we got the Terror household a little while back.
“Did Swift Terror tell you that they got the baby monitor delivered?”
“No.”
“Then how do we know if somebody didn’t steal it from their front door?”
“Because they live in an all-white neighborhood.”
“But what if it got stolen?”
“Well we have the receipt, so we’re covered if they bitch about us not sending them anything.”
I swear to Christ she was so obsessed about the Terror household getting this hippie baby monitor that I’m sure it would have been less annoying if she were the one eight months knocked up. Besides, she’s didn’t want to spend that much on Swift Terror anyway because she hates him and his wife. Did I just type that? Oh well, what’s the chance of him actually reading this anyway? Oh, here’s another difference between men and women. These are actual quotes that were said upon learning of the Terror’s newest download.
Her: “Well I’m glad we got them that monitor when we did because they can put it to good use.”
Me: “I’m glad we got the monitor to them early so that $100 we spent won’t be as big a waste as I thought it would.”
And as I told Terror via PM, the thought of being responsible for another human life in this world just scares the shit out of me. Hell, we lost Dessa when we first brought her home as a kitten 5 minutes into her stay with us (she was hiding behind some Genesis cartridge boxes).
8 p.m.
• So it was 5:30 p.m. and “Around the Horn” was finishing up. Then I see it on the bottom part of my television screen.
OMG BARRY BONDS INDICTED STAY TUNED FOR THE LATEST
That was my cue to change the channel.
I went about my life for several house and without thinking about it I turn on ESPN for some reason or another at 7:30 p.m.
They were still talking about Barry f’n Bonds.
Come on people – he got INDICTED! I could indicted for ‘roids. You could get indicted for ‘roids. I find it funny it took this long and cost God knows how much money. And this is coming from Barry Hater #1.
• You know, I always wondered what would happen in a situation like this. Now I do. Score one for California this time. Well, at least the part of the state that the blacks and Hispanics haven't invaded ... yet.
Uh oh, here comes the R word...
Here's some more good stuff.
• I didn’t read any farther than the headline.
I don’t want to. I’m sure whatever the plan will cost $1 million and end up with a $5 billion tab after six months.
9 p.m.
• So I haven't been much of a fan of the "It's Comcastic" ad campaign, but some of these ads featuring people trying to change history because they are on a NEW COMCAST PHONE LINE do get a chuckle out of me. "You tiger now." "Sorry, you're still going to lose your leg." Well, it's better than most of the shit on TV. But here's the reason I really like these ads. Well, not "really like." How about "think are OK." That's better. Oh, yeah. Shiny object.
Back in Ohio I worked at a place that had projects. If you didn't make it to training for a project, you didn't get put on a project. You didn't get put on a project, you didn't work. Simple enough. Well, I remember this one guy (I forget his name) who was signed up for a project and didn't show up for the two-three days of training. He came in the next day expecting to get one-on-one training. Ha. What made this all the funnier was seeing my one boss explain to him that he wasn't going to be working for the next month or two because of this. Here's how the conversation went down. For the sake of the discussion, I'll call the guy Mike.
Boss: "Mike, you didn't show up for training. You can't work on this project."
Mike: "I know that, but can't you get someone to show me how to do this one?"
Boss: "No. They are all working with the people who showed up for training. You didn't and if someone doesn't show up for training they don't work on a project."
Mike: "I know that but I have come on other projects midway through."
Boss: "That's because you were in a group that was going to assist with a project and your whole group got trained."
Mike: "I know that but I've come in when you people asked me to."
Boss: "But that doesn't matter. You aren't going to be working on this project because you didn't show up for the required training."
Mike: "I know that but..."
And on and on and on. God was it hilarious to hear him reply after every exchange, "I know that." I never heard from this guy again. Oh well.
8 p.m.
• Hmmm, when the better half went to get tickets for Hannah Montana's Shittsburgh show, she wasn't able to order them on-line. Then again, she wasn't in the super-secret club that this article mentions. However, there was a bit of a local brouhaha because it seemed people dumb devoted enough to sign up for that super-secret club weren't able to get tickets either. I blame the Bush Administration.
And for the record, Mrs. kkk was trying to get the tickets for her one niece.
7:15 p.m.
• Well I hope he at least got one big time-out.
Speaking of "kids," remember that invader who ran off to Mexico with his teacher? Peep this.
So wait a second. I thought 13-year-old boys were just getting their mack on with female teachers that they boink. Now they're "victims" of "sex crimes"? Which is it?
10: 30 p.m.
• Global warming blahblahblah.
You know, can you guy worry about genocide and stuff before trying to tackle this sort of stuff?
10 p.m.
• I saw the opening to this article without the dateline in view.
Time to guess where the story took place -- Alabama, West Virginia, Mississippi?
Try Washington.
9 p.m.
• So the better half and I went to the local Chinese buffet today, and they (thankfully) hired some chick who spoke English to make customer transactions. Now I don’t know if this chick was naturally well-endowed or if it was the low-cut shirt doing most of the talking; however, this was a prime example of a “cleavage trap.” I’m sorry, but I’m a believer in “less is more.” If a woman has to showcase her goods in such a blatant manner, chances are one of several things:
1) They have no brain or personality and have to rely on their fun bags for self-satisfaction.
2) It’s a “trap,” which they will more than happily spring on some guy they don’t want staring at their chest, going “OMG U PERVERT~!”
3) Ample ventilation is needed to prevent overheating “down there.”
Not sure what the reason was for our customer service representative. All I cared about was that I didn’t have to say, “excuse me?” or “huh?” 20 times when trying to understand what the cashier was saying. God I’m getting old.
7 a.m.
• So I got an e-mail from some place that asked "Don't know where to meet the local bar slut?" Well it made me laugh. Then again, perhaps it being 7 a.m. on a Monday morning might have something to do with it, too.
10 a.m.
• Oh God. So I'm listening to this hatchet job ESPN is doing on the RACIST Delaware program and it's the typical PC bullshit that ESPN can produce oh so well. Long story short, the white school doesn't want to play the black school and they're near each other. Uh, oh. RACISM~! Wait a second. These two schools play each other in other sports, which was glossed over in this report. Uh.... OK. Now there must be other reasons, right? No, it must be...
RACISM~!
Say, Penn State no longer wants to play Pitt in football. Pitt is in an urban area while State College is white as snow. What does this mean? JoPa is a, all together now...
RACIST~!
• Time for this week's pickkks:
Atlanta @ Carolina (4.5)
Have I mentioned that I really hate the Panthers? When I pick them to lose they win. When I pick them to win/cover they stink up the joint. I'm expecting a 30-point blowout.
(3.5) Buffalo @ Miami
Miami has to win SOMETIME, don't they?
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh (9.5)
Yeah, because picking against the Steelers when they have a near double-digit spread works out so well for me. Pittsburgh will score 27
Denver @ Kansas City (3.5)
Gag. I know I'll be wrong either way I go. If I go with Denver, they will show me how bad they really are. If I go with Kansas City, Denver will show me theyr aren't as bad as I really think they are. I'll go with the Chiefs with that whole "bad Denver running defense" thing.
Jacksonville @ Tennessee (4.5)
Crap. Both quarterbacks don't look good on paper (is Gerard sitll out?), but I'll go with the Titans anyway. And big deal regarding Vince Young's "Super Bowl" comments a while back. What do you want him to say? "Maybe we'll reach .500 this year -- how's that, guys?" Can't nobody tell Vince Young nothing what he can't do.
Minnesota @ Green Bay (6.5)
The Packers beat the Vikings at Minnesota. I'll go with Green Bay again.
Philadelphia @ Washington (3.5)
I loved the talk this week about how McNabb's is getting blamed too much for the Eagles' woes.
St. Louis @ New Orleans (11.5)
I'll ride the Saints' jock until they crap out.
Cincinnati @ Baltimore (4.5)
Hmm, I don't know where to go with this one. Oh what the hell, I'll go with the Bengals
(3.5) Chicago @ Oakland
That Hester guy will score on a return and the Bears will win 7-0.
(1.5) Dallas @ N.Y. Giants
I don't care for the Va-Giants. Go Cowboys.
Detroit @ Arizona (1.5)
From what I seen of the Lions schedule, they better win this one because it's going to get tougher.
(3.5) Indianapolis @ San Diego
I think Indy will rebound from last night's SUPER BOWL 41 1/2 loss.
San Francisco @ Seattle (10.5)
Man, whatever team gets to play Seattle in the second round of the playoffs (Seattle will win its first-round home game), will be like getting a two-week bye.
9:30 a.m.
• AHAHAHAHA. I just heard an "Outside the Lines" teaser about why Delaware won't play Delaware State in football. "One school is made up of white students. The other is black." Gee, I wonder what's coming up? Do I even need to answer this one?
