Mystery Eskimo

8....thousand? I have one night free to write. Hmm. Should be interesting

Arsene Wenger reminds me of a wrestling heel commentator in his blind defence of Arsenal (if anyone is a heel team, its Arsenal) and accusations that RVN is a cheat. It's great.

As we return from the break, we survey the scene of Dan Black's office. Black sits behind a huge, polished desk, watching something on a plasma screen. We pan round, and see the IZ GM is taking in Jay Darring's words, delivered moments ago. There's a small smirk on Dan's face as he watches, before he abruptly switches the screen off as there's a knock on his office door. Dan: Enter! The camera goes to take in the newcomer, but a sharp word from Black stops it. Black rises and shakes hands with someone out of the shot. Dan: Good to see you...you ready for tonight? There's no reply, but evidently Dan is satisfied. Dan: Excellent. Stephen Joseph may think he played a trump card bringing JINGUS into our match as special referee, but Shooter Jenny will need more than that freak to survive...ok, go. I'll call you later. There's no movement. Dan: I said GO, DAMMIT! I'm not paying you for nothing. And you, cameraman, get the BEEP out of here! We cut back to announcers. JR: Well, we apologise for Mr. Black's language. He evidently has another scheme in progress. I hope Jay watches his back out there. Jesse: He'll need to watch out for two tough opponents, Jim Ross. We're just days from Jay vs Calvin at Dirty Deeds, and Dan Black will be doing everything he can do help Calvin gain the advantage going into that match. JR: Black seemingly has a new employee, let's just hope he stays well away from the match. Now, let's get- We return from the commercial break and a unrecognized theme music plays as a man with long blonde hair and wearing a silver tracksuit on makes his way towards the ring. The man climbs the ring steps, and stops at the top to pose for the crowd. He climbs into the ring through the middle ropes and pulls a mic out that was tucked into his trousers underneath his jacket. “Good evening ladies and gentleman, I can tell your having a great time tonight, and I wish I could say the same. Before I get into all that I’d like to introduce myself. My name is G-Money, and I come from what you Americans would call “jolly old England” another typical American stereotype you have placed upon my nationality like you have so many others around the world. The reason that I am not enjoying myself, my first night in a new job is that, a large percentage of my co-workers are lazy, badly motivated and poorly educated. I am referring to every American in the backstage area be they talent, sound engineer, security guard, you people get the picture? *Crowd boo’s loudly* And my reasoning for being here on Intense Zone is one thing and one thing only, to capture the North American title, because I want to destroy the object around here the optimizes what I hate about America: the greed to be the champion, the same greed like every American has for that little bit more, more of what they simply can’t achieve, something that all the rest of the world can see, but you just can’t. Everyone of you has greed, I admit I probably have more greed for money and power than any of you imagine. But all of you, you have a greed worse than mine, oh yes, you people will not work for your desires, you will simply cruise through life doing the minimum amount of work. So just to prove I will work my way to something, and not just demand it, I’m going to work my way up the roster to get to the NA title, and this all starts tonight. I’m challenging the newest member of the roster other than myself to a match, that’s right I’m asking.. no I’m telling you, Shuffle get out here right now and face me.” Shuffles music hits and he walks out with his pyro shooting off, G-Money in the ring strips off his tracksuit down to his singlet and runs the ropes, as Shuffle gets in the ring as a ref runs down to the ring to officiate the match. JR: We'll be right back with Shuffle vs G-Money! Stay tuned! COMMERCIALS

Drop by the OAOAST No role playing, but plenty of chances to work in your ideas.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM! Pyro erupts, welcoming the world to another edition of OAOAST INTENSEZONE~! Some familiar faces are, as ever, on hand to greet us JR: BAH GAWD, ITS GOOD TO BE HERE! Jesse: After you lost your job on Raw? JR: GAWD DAMMIT! No one from that promotion knows I work here! Jesse: They don't watch the competition? JR: If they did, you think Steiner-Test would still be going on? But never mind about that, we have another action filled show for you tonight. We have that handicap match that that sunovvabitch Dan Black forced on Jay Darring, plus we'll see the latest on Blurricane and Bizarro, with the NA title on the line as always. Jesse: Shall we get to it, Jim Ross? JR: I believe we have a message from a certain OAOAST hero with something very important to say... (*The camera fades in to see Jay Darring in a darkened room, location unknown, the picture slightly grainy*) JAY: For some, pro wrestling is a hobby. For me, it's my life. It's what I do, it's what I do best. My hobby, is righting the wrongs and injustices I see. And Calvin Szechstein, you have committed an injustice that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Your entire wrestling career, you've taken shortcuts. Rather than travel up and down the roads of this great country of ours, for little or no pay, earning the respect of your peers, you whored yourself out to some soulless corporations for some quick cash. Rather than climb the OAOAST rankings ladder, bleeding and sweating your way to the #1 contendership, you harassed the champion and his manager until he gave in. And rather than pin his shoulders to the mat 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring, you used a cheap move in a gimmick match to get your slimy fingers on that belt. Those shortcuts, Calvin Szechstein, are going to catch up to you. You see, because of the tactics you've used, I'm not sure you fully understand the meaning of being the OAOAST World Champion. It's not just some pretty trinket that will get you easy money and easy women. What does it mean to be champion? This.... (Jay removes his shirt to reveal the scars on his chest, grotesque pink slashes criss-crossing his flesh.) ...is a small sample, of what professional wrestling, and that belt, really means. That belt is coveted by men who live and die for their passion, who are willing to sacrifice anything, their looks, their health, their lives, for the glory and immortality of being a world champion. It's not about a quick payday, it's about loving professional wrestling, doing whatever it takes for your art. Are you ready to make the ultimate sacrifice Calvin? Are you ready to die for that belt? I didn't think so, and that's why, at Dirty Deeds, my victory is inevitable. On to tonight, I've got you, and I've got Dan Black, the Iceheart. A worthy competitor to be sure, but no attitude adjustment will change the fact that at the elite level, he just couldn't hack it. Deep down, he is weak, just like you're weak Calvin Szechstein, and the Harsh Reality, is that even combined, the best of the two of you together will not beat "Shooter" Jay Darring. No handicap can defeat destiny, and tonight on IntenseZone, you'll find that out firsthand. Calvin, you talk about the new era in the OAOAST. Well, at Dirty Deeds, the TRUE era, the era of "Shooter" Jay Darring, OAOAST World Champion, begins. THAT'S Harsh Reality. (*Fade out*) COMMERCIALS

Sandman9000 Caboose Lightening Flik Zack Malibu evenflow Ripper DangerousA Rico_Constantino Johnson Texas Small Arms Wrestling Deacon chave Cancer Marney LaParkaYourCar SweetNSexyDiva Raven1919 Dr. Tom Bob barron Kotz Banky RavishingRickRudo Youth N Asia Canadian Chick WelshJerichoMark FrozenBlockOfPissReborn CobainWasMurdered SpiderPoet Kinetic JHawk Anglesault ShooterJay Big Poppa Popick

He looked like a salmon leaping for that header. Bah, we lost 3-1.

9 :: expires from bleeding of the heart ::

I'm sure we can find you something...do you want to cut a promo for this week or next weeks show?

I nominate Caboose.

Crewe away for us tomorrow. 3-1 to Forest, my predict. Here's hoping United thrash Arsenal.

God almighty, that was awful. Yeah, join the SWF. Or, if you don't like writing matches regularly, the OAOAST. Or both, if you're an e-fed whore with too much time on your hands.

My visits to this forum are intermittent. Use: Porcine

Well, America is more powerful than the UN and doesn't listen to a thing it says, so it's not surprising the American people think badly of it. Not that the UN says anything worth listening to.

There's been a suggestion that his water supply should be spiked with Viagra.

Marney

TRIPLE THREAT MATCH Daemon vs. Dominic Korgath vs. Brian Kingsmen - Korgath TELEVISION TITLE MATCH Jay Morrison vs. Brian Bowers© -Bowers EUROPEAN TITLE MATCH Jimmy “The Demon” Liston vs. Todd Royal© - TODD~! ELIMINATION MATCH Aecas vs. Manson vs. “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins - Aecas WORLD TITLE MATCH “Insane Luchador” Andrew Rickmen vs. English Dragon© - No predict...should be tough but I don't want to drop the title on first defence so I'll be putting in my best.

I'm posting, by the way. Everything to me by tuesday at noon.

Aye to that. Speaking of, I'm hoping the next card will be up soon...

Handicap match: Calvin & Dan Black vs Shooter Jay; special referee JINGUS NA title on the line. Hopefully. More please.

Any day when Arsenal take a beating is a good day.

I like Goldberg.

Go Todd~! And well done to IL, too.

In honour of the reformation of the Pixies- Doolittle.

If they're not coming to the UK, I shall...well, do nothing. But I demand they come.