Angel_Grace_Blue

Spike should have punched Akira's mom. In the uterus

A dimly-lit bar in Toronto, Ontario, Canada is the current location of the Smarks Wrestling Federation's Hardcore champion, Jimmy the Doom. He's seated at the end of the bar, hunched over, while other patrons contimplate changing to a different establishment that won't give them some kind of air-borne disease. Doom, though, is oblivious to everything around him, even Brian Levy on stage with his band, which Levy was too lazy and stoned to name. "OH MAN I THINK YOUR BOY SOLD US SOME BAD SHIT MAN OH JESUS CHECK TOMMY'S PULSE HE DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD!" Brian wails, as the group finishes up one of their more...uh...one of their more...recent songs. "What'llya have? You ain't stayin' here all night, takin' up space and not buyin' any drink," the bartender says. Doom lifts his head and points at a bottle of vodka. The bartender grabs it and pours the Straight-Breader a shot. Jimmy shakes his head and motions for a larger glass, and the barkeep obliges. He slides the drink in front of Doom, who reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a nine-volt battery. Jimmy grabs the glass, drops the battery in the vodka, and gulps it down. "What the fuck?" the bartender mumbles. "Vodkaed, of with having been electricalings," Doom responds hoarsely, and his voice, combined with his red eyes, indicate he's been crying. Like a fucking girl. Anyway, Jimmy orders another drink and slams back the Electric Vodka while Levy is starting into another song, this one a bit rappier. "Get ready, cuz here comes my love rocket, Gonna blast off in yo eye socket." "That's horrible!" shouts a patron. "No, that's how they like it," Levy shouts back. "No, that's how nobody likes it. Jesus, even a corpse would object to that," the customer yells. An empty beer bottle flies up and narrowly misses the drummer's head, prompting Levy to call it a night. Doom, however, is far from done, and the Straight-Bread Sensation orders another Electric Vodka. "Whoa, there, buddy. Pace yourself. Unless, you wanna end up dead by mornin'," the bartender warns. "Wifed," Doom mumbles. "Didn't catch that." "Of wife, mine, to tooking in faced, having with ass," Jimmy says. "Aw, shit, man. They're on the house," the barkeep says. "Not for backer, thanking, got on with having to wife, in though," Jimmy mutters. "I know, I know, but did the bastard that took her at least give his demands?" "Of me, fight, having been to him. With, some of sharks, in wife of Lois, being on naming, to with hour," Doom responds. "Hey, I thought you looked familiar," the bartender says, finally realizing who's in front of him. "Shit, Jimmy, I'm sorry about what happened, but I know you can beat that sonnava bitch, Skull." "Can't, with of whats, having me, of to? On manies, Lois, several dead," Doom laments. "Glub." Doom's head whips around to the other end of the bar. He's heard a 'glub' like that before, but it's hard to trust your senses after three Electric Vodkas in less than half an hour. "Glub," the voice repeats. "Of to be, in Octopus, to for An?" Jimmy mumbles. "Glub," An Octopus replies, and begins walking across the bar towards Doom. Not the floor, but across the surface of the bar top. "Beings, with mine, for to with a helped, in Skull, near Crimson, with many against, on being Genesis?" "Glub," An Octpus says and extends a tentacle. Doom graps it and the two shake, with Jimmy nearly breaking down in tears, though this time in joy, as he's got a friend in An Octopus to make sure that, should he lose to The Crimson Skull, Lois the Unethical probably won't be eaten. Still, regardless of the emotional implications, Jimmy the Doom is blubbering like a fucking female. Named Betsy who is sensitive about her weight and will turn to anorexia in order to become Prom Queen. This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant, that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Alice's Restaurant. You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time. We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the city dump. Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving." And we had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage. We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our's down. That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, "Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage." After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the police officer's station. So we got in the red VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the police officer's station. Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, kid. Get in the back of the patrol car." And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here, they got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars, being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station. They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial photography. After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to put us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?" Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice (remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court. We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up, and Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog. And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, 'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not what I came to tell you about. Came to talk about the draft. They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York, and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604." And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy." Didn't feel too good about it. Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got one question. Have you ever been arrested?" And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre, with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever go to court?" And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!" And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said. "Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna- know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing- you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting- officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words: ("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?") I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington." And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement. And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar. With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and sing it when it does. Here it comes. You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud. I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired. So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part harmony and feeling. We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing. All right now. You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant Excepting Alice You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant Da da da da da da da dum At Alice's Restaurant

Man, I just realized that a semi-large chunk of spots I had planned on writing probably aren't feasible at/in a baseball stadium. Oh wellz, I'll just have to change things, lolz. Edit: Never mind, just read Rayn-Man's set description, and I should be able to work things, lolz. However, the faces should come from the home team's dugout, heels from the away side's. Not that it matters for my match (Speaking of which, I'm thinkin' of startin' 'em in a press/sky box, since, you know, a baseball stadium probably doesn't have a boiler room. Bourte)

Never mind. I was going to make a joke, but then that would just cause some people to get all angerful and whatnot. So, yeah. PREDICTATION THYME! SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT/CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Michael Stephens © vs. Tom Flesher © Tom Flesher all of the ways. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - OLD SCHOOL RULES Bruce Blank © vs. "The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke Hawke because he is all something or other. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- GRUDGE MATCH Wildchild vs. Mike Van Siclen Dubations to the Maxations! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- CAGE MATCH Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix © vs. "The Beast" Gabriel Drake I've gotta go with Not Kibs on this one. lolz -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- FIRST BLOOD MATCH Johnny Dangerous vs. Charlie "Grappler" Matthews Hmm. I'll say Graps. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Jimmy the Doom © vs. The Crimson Skull Uh, ur face is winner, lolz! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP #1 CONTENDERS MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu Akirations, because he is stuff! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- MYSTERY MATCH "Deathwish" Danny Williams vs. ??? Hmm. I'll go with the Trip-Q -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- FATAL FOURWAY ELIMINATION MATCH The Scion of Light vs. Scotty "The Crush" Raina vs. MANSON vs. Scott Rageheart MANSON MANSON MANSON MANSON MANSON -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS MATCH "The Unique Youth" Zyon vs. JJ Johnson JJ, I guess. lollerz -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- SWF FROST PRE-PPV SHOW SINGLES MATCH Ian vs. Larkin Special Guest Referee: THE BOSTON STRANGLER~! Teebler eats both childrens. Yayz!

So, what time(s) am everybody to having been free? Oh, also, I'll do part of it in someone else's character should they be unavailable and their opponent is doing it in character. That is, if Tom does it in character, and Toxx can't join in (Because he's silly and has dial-up), I'll affect the worst British accent ever and be Mike Stephens, lolz. Or not, lollerz.

When your face, WC! That makes no sense, lolz. Were I a nooblet, I'd be all "Oh, manz0rs, I gots to be in a multiperson match on the biggest show of forever for my debut? I curse the name of Chris Raynor!", but, then again, I'm probably mentally unbalanced. lollerz. Oh, I'm about to put up a promo that should prevent from Skull being a murderationer should he win (Though, come on, like either of us will show, lolz), I just have to pick the right crappy song (Suggestions welcome. I need lyrics, though, so, yeah). Also: I bet half a pile of dirt that Janus will be all gay and pink tuxedoed again, lolz. OR NOT! To the hammmmmmm.

I just like the fact that, in this picture, the guy in the poster appears to be disgusted or perhaps disappointed by Don.

FRIDAY Kansas SATURDAY Illinois Pittsburgh Notre Dame Louisville Oklahoma Auburn TCU Kentucky Memphis Florida State USC Florida Nevada Tiebreak #1: How many total points will be scored in the Oklahoma/Oregon game? 58 Tiebreak #2: How many receiving yards will USC's Dwayne Jarrett have against Nebraska? 110

And were this a list of top people in picking college football games, it would go: 1. Stryke 2. Nostradamus 3. Some Amish guy 4. A dead penguin 5. Pile of rocks 6-9 . Everything else 10. Me

Who knows, they are fairies, after all, lollerz

It's like frickin' Back to the Future. He's got the book of outcomes. He just decides to be wrong on a few games to throw off suspicion.

I wish to protest my loss, because Cuban_Linx is an Aussie, so he's from the future and knows the outcome ahead of time.

More of commentings! Post #7 Tom is drunkbed and a Fatty McFatfat. Also, I keep thinking of "The Avon Lady" by Chester Tam, Kal Penn, and Brandon Routh, because in the song, Kal is made because the Avon Lady ate his fish and chips (She also pulled the four-fifth, and started talkin' that ish, how she hated White Castle and the Lonely Island). But, I digress. Not feelin' the super crazy wacky, so I'll just say I liked this promo, what with Tom all "Pfft, Cruiser title? I don't need no stinkin' Cruiser title!". Which, you know, is something he's never, ever done before, lolz. Post #8 lolz, Landon is a goober. And then gets beaten around the head and neck for it. Man, just once, I wish someone would write Hardy as a badass that just thumps anyone that tries to rough him up (Or if a fight breaks out, like in this promo). Then again, I think the Hardy character was like, 5'9" or something. And I'm pretty sure he was also British. So, yeah, no dice on that. Man, screw Toxxicle for breaking his promise, what is he, some kind of...promise breaker? YEAH! Let's kill him to death! Pfft. Drake's a hobgoblin for not fighting Toxx and stuff. God I fucking hate hobgoblins. Post #9 MVS just signed a permission slip allowing WC to go to the planetarium even though his report card had two Ds and one F. WC is very sneaky and junk. Post #10 This match should have been jobbed because it lists MANSON as the inferior Manson. There's no excuse for that. Who is this "Jesh" person I've seen before in Blank's matches? Is he some sort of Danish deity or something? To quote Mitch Hedberg "To hell with purple people! Unless they are suffocating, in which case, save them!" aw shit i forgot how to read. Wait, there it is. Yeah! Words 'n' stuff! Ah, but how big of a boat was this sarcasm? A canoe is not very large. Ugh, I honestly don't want to read this match, not because it's a Bruce match, but because of the screw up I mentioned earlier. If it isn't MANSON, then I don't care about it. lolz. For this mistake, I award the match a passing grade of Double Meh. Post #11 My shitty match, where the sound effects were provided by my biology textbook. Go school! I award this match a So, Uh, Yeah...Stuff. Post #12 That promo what I done wroted. It's about, like, stuff. IN CONCLUSION, THIS WAS SOME HALF-ASSED LOCKDOWN COMMENTS. I ONLY REALLY READ ONE MATCH (THOUGH THERE WERE A TOTAL OF THREE, ONE OF WHICH I WROTE, SO I BASICALLY READ HALF THE MATCHES FOR THIS SHOW). I KIND OF SUCKED WHAT WITH THESE COMMENTS. THERE WERE SOME GOOD PROMOS, AND STUFF, THOUGH. I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM GRADES, TOO. I ALSO SHOULD HAVE USED GRADES THAT MADE SENSE, LIKE NUMBERS, OR STARS, OR SOMETHING. I WAS ABOUT TO SAY 'IN CONCLUSION', BUT I ALREADY SAID THAT, AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN EVEN BIGGER FUCKING MORON, SO I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS BIT OF WISDOM: IF YOU'VE GOT A WIENER, DON'T STICK IT IN A BEAR TRAP OR A TAR PIT.

I'm like...that team what upsets people sometimes.

I did, because I'm an idiot and wish to remain winless for as long as possible, so that when I do get a victory, the person I beat will feel deep shame and contemplate suicide.

I like how Spike has removed the He Said/He Said segment of the TUF page since Stephen tested positive for horse pills.

Did anyone else see Auburn v Mississippi State? MSU might have a pretty good defense, as Kenny Irons didn't run for a hojillion yards against them. However, the combination of Irons and Brad Lester, with Courtney Taylor catching just about anything Cox threw near him worked pretty well. Also, AU's defense was stout, what with getting the shut out and everything. I really like Auburn's chances this year, as they don't have many tough road games, though their home games will be hard enough. I do feel sorry for Crooms, though, as he's the coach of a fairly bad team in one of the toughest conferences.

Some more of the other comments, the match: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law vs. Bollywood Santosh Jeevan (post #4) - Birdy is totally wrecking Spike's beak. He'll need reconstructive beak surgery, and who cares if it is expensive, just put it on his bill! Oh, I should kill myself... - I'm not a huge fan of talkin' and fightin' and action' (What? The word isn't actiong? Damn) combo paragraphs. I do not have a reason for that, other than, uh...poop? - The C in plan C is for cookie. I think I just channeled Uncle Filthy. I should get rid of Doom and be Uncle Filthy version 2.0. Actually, I should do that with a lot of people. Rane version 2.0, Comet version 2.0, Ghost Machine 2.0 version 2.0. - lolz, fistdrop. I remember reading Edwin's blog (Back when he updated it), and he said something about writing a paper about someone getting fisted by Wolverine from the X-Men and/or Mr. Fantastic (I think...doubt I just invented that). Too bad he's an ocelot, now. - lolz, someone should stuff some uncooked rice (or Alka-Seltzer tablets) down the Birdman's throat. Caw-caw KABOOM! Once more: not funny. - Birdman, don't you be stealin' my thunder, what with your headbutts, brosef. Or, like, I'll uh, do stuff. TO YOUR FACE! - The early Birdman gets the gummy worm spine? My grandpappy used to say that when he was off his meds. We had to put him down, because he mauled a kid and had rabies. No, that was Old Yeller. Old Yeller used to say that and he had the hydrophobia (Isn't that what they used to call rabies, or am I fucking batshit loony fuckin' tunes? I like the old names for diseases, like consumption, or melty head or THE DEVIL IS IN YOUR SOUL AND WE MUST REMOVE IT WITH A GIANT HOLE IN YOUR CHEST (That one was a sore throat, lolz). Hey, I put parenthesis inside of parenthesis, instead of parenthesis inside of brackets, [ ], or squiggles { }.) - Birdman, as tough as a pelican, or something? Also: I thought a rabbit punch was just to the back of the head. I MUST BE MISTAKEN. I WISH I DRANK, SO I COULD CHALK THINGS UP TO MY BOOZEAHOL CONTENT, BUT GUESS NOT. YAY. - Dude, Birdy is a woodpecker. They've got all kinds of crazy biological stuff to help their heads/brains not get fucked up when they smash through trees. DUDE! Birdy vs ELM, lolz! - To be serious for a moment, it seems odd that Spike wouldn't go for the Endwell when he's got Bird in a double underhook and everything. Then again, this is Sporky. Nice fruit rollup sequence. Then Bird poops on Spike's chest to win. That should be a real stip. "First to poop on the other guy wins". I'll write a match for it. Overall, Bird vs. Spike - A pretty good read, with nice cruisery action, even though Spike is all "I'm a cruiser, but I want to mat wrestle!" which is totally illegal. I award it a grade of, like, Neato Bandito, but not quite Supremo Super Awesome (Which is tops, lallurz). Post #5 I know it was mentioned in the frickin' promo, but some of these Maddix/Stephens exchanges seem like they're two steps from "Let's make out, to solidify our tag team confidence, lolz!" And that would be silly. You build tag confidence and trust by killing prostitutes together. (Also, though this was from a previous promo, I was getting a Drake = Bricktop from Snatch vibe. The whole 'treating Maddix like a tooloser or whatevs' aspect. Or, like, yeah?) Post #6 Wouldn't the fact that he lost a Loser Leaves match mean Johnny shouldn't even be on the segment? Or something? Like I know how to read and comprehend. I mean, I'm only studying to be a whatever it is I'm studying. Taxidermy? Space Farmer? Hamburgerologist? Oh, yeah, accounting. I'M GUNNA AUDIT YOU! RAR! Oh noes, Tom Crusen! He's gonna lock Xenu in a shed! Oh, just the MI theme. Lolz. That's not a velvet rope, it's a velvet anaconda! Quick, throw it on a Sportscenter broadcaster: Snakes on a Kenny Mayne! A third time of not being funny. I win! And everyone is Birdman! Hamsauce shouldda came out. And Madrac. And Robot Jesus. Then MVS gets stuff done to him, yay. Other matches to come: NOT NOW. So, later. Like, in two weeks, lol.

Man, I need to retire for good one day so I can get this aura of coolness about me.

Semi-stream of consciousness stuff, but really not, since I've got to stop my brain as I switch windows, lollerz. 1st post I like the word knickknacks. I also like giving my dog a bone. And I'd like to see an old man roll (down a hill) home. Genesis, man! Peter fuckin' Gabriel Drake! lolz. I'm not ever of funny. Rasslin' gawd? GALATEA!!! Volunteer potato monster, oh noes! 2nd post It's the card! Yay! Picture of stuffed! 3rd post Pfft. Pyro isn't scary, unless it goes off unexpectedly in your house or something. Or it smashes into the helicopter restaurant you work at and sends you into the rotors to get chopped to bits. DETHKLOK! Suit am made by Jonathon Taylor Thomas, lollerz. Dude, Mandy Moore? Not, like Marilyn Monroe's corpse? That'd be cool. lolz. Pfft. Hawke shoulda went for Zero Gravity or No Gravity, or whatever it's called. Like the Bruceiraptor can even get to the top rope, lolz. Oh noes, it's those guys that are jerks! But, wait, Jay Hawke is a jerk, too, isn't he? BATTLE OF THE JERKS! WHEN JERKS COLLIDE! AIEEEEEEEEE! OH, SNAP, SPICY FUCKIN' BURNSAUCE BY JAYASAURUS! Oh noes, Cross, another jerk, is here! Man, it's sausage fest in the ring right now, lolz. Hey, it's a druid! He's going to...do stuff. Face to face with Bruce, Nemesis, and Cross? Stretch Armstrong? 4th post Bird/Spork ak-shun! Birdman is really Extreme Hound. Just wanted to ruin that for everyone. Spike is like a sneaky guy with that sneak attack. Spike da Sneak. What? That doesn't rhyme like Keak da Sneak? Fine, I hate you FOREVER! I'll, uh, finish this up later. I'm made of stuff and whatnot. Promise to finish laterz.

I only got up to OT2, but I did want the other versions. I think my favorite memory from the first one was when everyone in the party died except for the leader, then food spoiled/ran out/was stolen, so the guy had to start killing oxen to eat. Of course, the oxen started to die/get stolen, so it became "Buy/trade for an ox, go five miles, kill the ox and eat it. Repeat." Sadly, the leader didn't make it to Oregon, but the guy survived on basically rancid ox meat for at least three months. With OT2, I'd just try to kill all the bears. Those fuckers.

He doesn't if he's straight fucking bread (Which he probably isn't)

Jake is dumb. Rommel begat Patton and Vin Diesel.

Whew! I'm very happy to see that Maddix has sobered up and didn't put me in his list (Though he didn't post his list, so I might be there, which would be bad). Seriously, if you consider me, in any incarnation, to be in the top five of active writers, you've got to be ingesting so much intoxihol that...I don't have a finish to that. Which just goes to show how bad a writer I am. lullerz.

Yeah, I did make fun of Thoth with one of those promos. He was all "I will fucking kill you" and stuff. Huzzah!