Nighthawk

River Phoenix

All the damn vampires.

I remember that issue. What bullshit.

Shut the fuck up, Daniel.

Food is the one thing I subscribe to Doug Stanhope's "excess in moderation" theory on. I can't do it with booze, but food I can. I'm eating this bitch. The double. Oh yeah...

Amazing as it seems, some people can do both.

15 bucks says at least 75% of celebrities who's kids have dumb names thought exactly this to themselves. Oh, I'd have told you that. But I'm not like other people, in any way. Bass player for Horse the Band is named Dashiell Han Arkenstone. No shit. Now that is a cool name.

I'm angered by pro skateboarders giving their children stupid names, such as Jamie Thomas' sons Julian Tiger and Maximus Trey, Christian Hosoi's sons Rhythm and Classic (what is he Dr. Light?), and lest we forget that Jason Lee was also a pro skater, Pilot Inspektor. They're not fucking hamsters you pricks. Granted, I will give my children awesome and unorthodox names, but they won't be fucking stupid.

Don't apply at McDonalds, that's a misconception. McDonalds won't hire you, because you're too good. They want high school kids, unless they can find immigrants. Because they know you'll just leave the second you find anything else. It's holiday season. Surely you can find retail work.

Wrong.

Well, from a Biblical standpoint, the Bible doesn't forbid the consumption of alcohol, it forbids drunkenness (and, not for nothing, pretty much all the heroes of the Bible do it anyway from time to time).

I was just fucked up because I was beaten and molested as a child. No brain disorders. You guys are a bunch of queers.

Pfft. Nah. He doesn't have real mental problems, he's just a whiny bitch. He needs someone to kick his ass into shape. The quick and easy fix never ends up well? Yes, it often does. You're also misguided in calling the military easy. They're specifically designed for this shit.

Walmart? That's a new one... What they need is liquor and beer delivery. It makes perfect sense. There's a pizza place here that does it, but they do it under the table. Basically they have the mini-mart there, and they'll buy whatever you want and bring it to you... for an outrageous price, of course.

And what the hell is wrong with that?

Believe me, if you knew the whole of my insanity, you would consider "fuck up" an improvement. But I'm not even that anymore. I'm mentally healthier than I have been since I was like 6. Externally, my life is picking up too.

I think I'm probably the most legitimately psychotic person here, with the possible exception of Frigid Soul, and he and I both basically pulled ourselves together through sheer force of will. As such, I look down with contempt on anyone who needs help to better themselves. Help is for the weak. The military was a good solution, but it's true, they won't take him.

Patricia Arquette

Sam Rockwell

David Allen Grier is fucking hilarious, and I will defend him to the death.

FYI, the pinball machine rape was based on The Accused, but I do not see any inspiration for the first scene.

Despite what some people would have you believe, fast food is merely unhealthy food, not poison wrapped in flypaper.

Feast is good for what it is.

My dad used to order his fast food meal with two drinks so they'd think he wasn't going to eat it all by himself. Now he just doesn't have any shame. Both scenarios amuse me.

I've got a can of something that expired in the 80s. I put a novelty Ninja Turtles soup label on it, so that's why it's sat so long. Thing is, it's been so long I have no idea what was in there originally. Treasure? Dog food? Come to think of it, cat food is a good guess. I would likely have figured the cats wouldn't know/mind if I stole one of their cans of food. Cat food that expired 20 years ago, there's a thought.